Alex

Los Angeles, California, United States First and foremost, I’m a girl who loves being spanked. It’s at the very center of my being. I’m also a professional spanking model, which means I get to do what I love for my job. I’m twenty six years old, and currently located in Los Angeles when I’m not traveling around on my adventures. My vanilla interests include poetry, film history, academia, Pokemon, indie music, baby animals, baking and cooking, collecting vintage clothes and lots of cuddling.

KOTW: Punishment (the real kind)

Published November 5, 2013

So, this Kink of the Week post is blatantly late. I don’t know if it will even get posted up on the KOTW page, as it’s technically Tuesday of the new week now, but I wanted to write about this topic anyway, so I think it’ll be a worthwhile post even if it “doesn’t count” in the end.

This week’s topic is “real” (as opposed to “play”) punishment. Discipline and punishment are things which I’ve always been open about as existing in my life. They’re a huge portion of what I get out of TTWD, yet I’ve only written about disciplinary scenes a handful of times over the course of the past two years. Usually, I’ve included the story when what I did wrong can be retold in a way which is comical, like this post from a long time ago or my recent “Target Incident.” This is because I find actual punishment to be very private, personal and intimate. I used to feel very uncomfortable sharing this aspect of my life with the general public. Now, I feel a lot more comfortable with it, although I sometimes don’t want to talk about the things that I’ve done to require the punishment. So this shall be my first post ever which is explicitly about this.

Spanking first entered my consciousness at an incredibly early age. I remember no inciting incident, simply a burning obsession to know more about it and a feeling of secrecy and shame about my ever developing “interest.” All of the thoughts I had and the fantasies that I made up were about disciplinary spankings, as was the entirety of the media that I encountered that had spanking in it, although that was extremely sparse. In my mind, spanking was a very, very serious thing. It was a severe punishment, the ultimate sanction, the consequence of the worst behavior. As I became a teenager, I craved guidance, structure and discipline in my life, longing for the feeling of being loved and taken care of that I imagined would accompany those things. Spanking as part of sexual activity didn’t occur to me at that time. Spanking as something fun and enjoyable seemed like a weird and alien idea. This contributed to my early confusion about my desires. I characterized this activity as something entirely unenjoyable, but desired nothing more than to experience it for myself.

When I turned eighteen and I *did* get my first spanking, it was for demonstrative and introductory purposes. After that, my relationship with SF (my first Top) was entirely disciplinary. It allowed for a lot of space, which is to say that he never policed me. I simply came to him and self-reported about the things which I had done which were against the standards which we had mutually agreed upon and he punished me for them. The relationship was very sterile and austere, with an understanding of affection and caring between us which was rarely expressed. We were kind of an odd pair, me and SF because he’s Forever The Most Serious Man Ever (SF stands for ‘Serious Face”) and I’m patently ridiculous, but he had a pretty decent amount of patience for my antics and I enjoyed his stern nature. It was really, at the time, everything that I wanted because it was everything that I had ever imagined that a spanking relationship could be. I did my best to be good. I sometimes was not, and when that happened, I was soundly corrected.

For the first five years (I think) that I was getting spanked, it was only by SF. After he went back to England and, a little later, I moved to Los Angeles for the first time, I started to venture into the scene there. When I did, I had trouble with my identity and I struggled to identify what I actually wanted. At first, I attempted to find someone to replace SF, which I found tremendously disappointing. Everyone wanted something different from spanking. Some people wanted dominance. Some people wanted sexuality. Some people wanted to embrace and explore the younger, more vulnerable side of me. Some people wanted to do complicated roleplay. Some people just liked smacking a girl’s bottom without any reason for it. It was during this time that I realized that needing to be punished and needing to be spanked weren’t the same thing. Both were real and valid needs, but spanking could be a variety of other things. With my play-partner, J, I explored playing “just for fun” and did my first forays into roleplay. I explored arbitrary and enjoyable spankings with a variety of friends that I met in the local scene, many of whom weren’t spankos, and therefore had a vastly different attitude towards playing than that which I was used to. Eventually, I met Malignus and began to question whether or not I was actually interested in submission. I determined that I was and began the process of exploring that with him.

While punishment was a fairly significant part of my first D/s dynamic, I’m not going to go into the details of how it worked between Malignus and I. At the time that I started blogging, Malignus and I discussed what parts of our relationship he was comfortable with me posting about and we decided that the details of my punishments were too personal to be written about, although I sometimes asked if it was alright for me to post about a particular scene (like the post I linked to earlier) and he always agreed. Although our relationship has ended, I am going to continue to honor this agreement because I feel that it would be disrespectful and “the wrong thing to do” not to. It’s not like there was anything secretive or mysterious about this aspect of our relationship that others shouldn’t know about. That’s just what we decided at the time, so I’m sticking to it. Punishment certainly wasn’t the center of our relationship, though, and I’d say that it was probably the least common reason for me to be spanked, as the most frequent spankings were arbitrary, goal-based or D/s centric, reaffirmative scenes. This was a huge change from where I’d started out, but it was a positive difference, as I had expanded my options for what a spanking could mean.

Fast forward to the present time: I’m extremely comfortable with my role as a submissive, and as I continue to grow in the my spanko identity, I’ve branched out to embrace forms of play, atmospheres and additional kinks that I would have never thought I’d love so much when I was first starting out in my exploration. In my relationship with Paul, punishment is both something that we play with for mutual enjoyment and something that can be as serious as can be. Playing with lighthearted punishments for silly things by no means dilutes the actual act, and it’s just as important to me now as it was when it was just a daydream.

Sometimes, punishments happen immediately after the punishable behavior takes place (like in the “Target” story). Other times this isn’t possible, and I’m punished later that evening (usually right before bed) if that’s an option. If not, the offense and the requisite discipline are entered into a notebook entitled “Alex’s Behavioral Record” and the punishment is meted out at a later date. The “book method” of dealing with things was the only way that punishment was delivered when we were in a long distance relationship: things got recorded and then, when we saw each other, those things were addressed. I really, really like the fact that things don’t get forgotten just because “too much” time has passed since the original behavior. It’s obviously more effective for me to be punished as quickly thereafter as possible, but the inevitability of knowing that at some point, no matter what, I’m going to get corrected for the things that I do that I shouldn’t gives me a marvelous sense of security.

Basically all of my punishments are corporal, ranging from OTK spankings to a series of hard smacks on the insides of my thighs to strappings and canings. Since all these activities are also part of our “for fun” play, the only differences are atmosphere, tone and mood. Being punished makes me feel very vulnerable, and Paul takes a very stern approach towards punishing me (which I like very much). Often times just the scolding brings me to tears, and when I’m in that headspace, there’s very little pleasant about the spanking that follows. I say “very little” instead of “nothing” because being punished makes me feel particularly loved and taken care of, and I do enjoy that feeling, even as it’s happening. Being disciplined almost always makes me cry, and afterwards the seriousness of the actual punishment quickly melts away and I climb onto Paul’s lap, sometimes continuing to cry for a bit as he tenderly comforts me and assures me that I’m a good girl again. Everything is right in the world during those moments, and I couldn’t feel safer.

Amoni Jones took this candid photo at the end of a spanking shoot. It’s not post-punishment, but it captures the same sort of moment.

As much as I enjoy “for fun” “play” punishment, and as ultimately positive and edifying as the experience of being discipline is for me, at the end of the day, I want to be a good girl. I want Paul to be proud of me, and I do my best to avoid getting into real trouble. It’s intricate, the way that something which is so enjoyable in a different setting can be made truly punitive, but it’s not a novel idea, nor is it a particularly rare phenomenon.

I hope that this is at least somewhat articulate: I’ve just recovered from having been ill, and I’m struggling to get caught up, so I wasn’t able to really draft this the way I usually do for posts that are this wordy, and I was getting really tired by the time I was finishing it. I’ll be posting more about other aspects of this topic in the future, so stay tuned. ♥

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Discipline, History, Kink of the Week, Paul Kennedy, Punishment, Serious_Face, Spanking atmospheres | 19 Comments

CCM: Thursday, part 1

Published November 1, 2013

On Thursday, I woke up as late as I could get away with, since I had fallen asleep around six thirty or something in the morning. I wasn’t thrilled to be going into a party on that little sleep, but it was sort of inevitable and there was nothing I could do about it.

The day started out with Paul and I filming with Sarah Gregory for Northern Spanking— you can read his notes on the shoot here. Paul started working out ideas for scenarios weeks ago, and it was kind of fascinating to see his process. Because we were filming in the hotel, Paul created a set of scenarios which made sense for us to be in such a setting instead of trying to pretend that we were somewhere else and this lead to some rather creative thinking on his part. I was a little nervous about filming because it was my first time ever being on camera for some of the scenes and it was my first time actually filming with Sarah! We’ve known each other for a while, and we roomed together and I shot a scene for her site while we were at TASSP, so we were comfortable around each other, but we had never actually done any films together until this day.

From my shoot for Sarah’s site back in June

Filming with Sarah went quickly and smoothly, since she (obviously!) knows what she’s doing. Two of the scenes we shot included her bottoming, which she only does rarely these days, so that was kind of special. The first scene involved Paul playing a seedy private detective and Sarah being a cheating wife who he catches at her meeting place. This was the first time that I got to watch Paul spanking another girl for a film in real life: every time we’d filmed together previously, I was the only one getting spanked. I enjoyed getting to watch this scene, even if through the camera, especially because Paul’s character was a bit wicked and I’ve always enjoyed those sorts of scenes. 😀 Sarah looked great, too, in her sexy lingerie (but then again, she always looks great!)

The second scene involved me getting spanked by Sarah and is the first film that the two of us have done together. We’d played during group roleplay events before, but never on camera. Sarah is a great top and is easy to roleplay with, and the spanking that she gave me was delightful. Additionally, this was the first time in my entire life that I wore heels with jeans, and I think I like the look! I’d never done it before because I avoided heels except for the most specialist of occasions since I used to have height related self esteem issues, but those don’t bother me anymore so I’ve been enjoying experiments like this. 😀 In the film, I play a sneaky, snarky writer who gets caught in a hotel I’ve written poor reviews of many times by an irate manager, played by Sarah. I consider scenes where I’m unabashedly not repentant for me behavior a challenging area for me, but I think I’m getting better at it. When I need clever snark, I ask myself what Erica Scott would say. When I need to be bratty and awful, I borrow a page from The Bad Alex’s daily life. I think that the film ended up being great: funny and full of delightful girl/girl spanking action. ^_^

Scene number the third was between Sarah and Paul again, with Sarah playing a second-rate erotic author and Paul playing her irate publisher. This scene ended up being particularly funny, and I had to keep my composure behind the camera and not giggle at their antics (which I did manage to do, thankfully!) Sarah looks lovely in jeans, I have to say. 😛

The final scene was between Paul and I, and it was actually the first time that we’d played on camera since the end of March, so that was pretty exciting. This was our original type of interaction, and it was nice to return to it, now bringing the massive chemistry that comes when two people know each other as intimately as we now do. It was also the first time that we did a film in which we played a couple since we actually became one, so that was a bit sweet. Paul was vague about the description of this film’s content in his post so I suppose that I had better be, too, but it’s a cute story with a delightful caning in it which was hard enough that when it was finished, Sarah marveled at my composure.

I helped pick out some of the images that Paul put up on the forum when he wrote about this shoot, and this was one of the ones that I chose. I like it for the normal reasons: I look scared and vulnerable, Paul looks determined and threatening et cetera, but also because of his shadow on the curtain. I like imagining that we’re on a ground floor and a passerby might see this silhouette from outside and perhaps stop to watch the shadow-puppet version of my thrashing. How deliciously voyeuristic!

When we had finished shooting, I had to run off pretty much right away because I had an appointment in Detention! Joe (Drlectr) and Mama Blue were running a series of short “Principal’s office” detention scenarios and I was scheduled for shortly after the filming finished. Joe and I have played hundreds of times, and he’s one of the people with whom I’ve played the most intimately and emotionally intensely, but we’ve never really done any roleplay scenarios. I know that he’s fond of school style paddling scenes, and I love any kind of roleplay which is highly formalized, so I figured the scene was going to be good. I take great delight in the embarrassment of having someone else watching me be punished, like Vice Principal Blue!

I was already in my uniform so I ran up to Joe and Ten’s room to wait outside the doorway. They were talking to someone in the room, so I had to wait outside.

Waiting in this hallway, knowing that in a minute, I was about to be paddled and that it would be quite severe was something directly from my fantasy life. Everyone on the floor was at the Crimson Moon party, which meant that everyone who passed and saw me stood outside Joe’s room in my uniform knew that I was waiting for my detention. This also meant that they weren’t judging me, but that didn’t remove the squirmy feeling in my tummy every time someone walked by. Finally, Joe, now Principal Lectr, opened the door and called me in.

A lot of my roleplay characters are helpless and innocent, but that was certainly not the case today. The scene that Joe and I had written involved me being in trouble for attempting to seduce my male teachers, and I was full of confidence and eroticism, flirting with Principal Lectr even as he lectured me on my wicked ways. “You seem to think this is alright!” Vice Principal Blue said in dismay. “You’re going to have to start seeing the school counselor once a week!”

“Will it be a male counselor?” I asked with a flirtatious grin. The authority figures had had enough of me, so I was bent over the desk for eight paddle swats, which were delivered firmly and on the bare. The paddling wasn’t much of a sanction for me, though, and I kept up my act, hoping for a little extra attention. I got just that, in the form of a hard, OTK spanking after the paddling. When the scene was over, Mama Blue took off and Joe and I got to enjoy some time together. Joe is wonderful. I’m so lucky to have him in my life.

After this, Joe walked me back to my room and we told Paul about our roleplay. Then Paul and I took a little time to regroup before heading down for dinner. We hadn’t had much lunch, so we mostly used this as a time to socialize and see who was at the party already before heading out to get a bite and some drinks nearby. During dinner, Naughty Freckles asked me if I’d be willing to be a rope-bunny for the “Fit to be Tied and Spanked” demo later that night, which I gladly accepted. Bondage can be a lot of fun, and I do get a little thrill out of performing in front of a group. Between dinner and the demo, Paul and I ran to the store (without me ever bothering to change out of my school uniform!) and then got back in time to be able to socialize a bit before I needed to start. Paul finally got to meet LLB, who is very dear to my heart, and a handful of my other friends.

Then it was time for the demo! Kinkmedic, from 12:11 Kink taught some basic ties and showed how they can be used for spanking. This included tying me up, including in a bent over position where he then balanced a cup of Mountain Dew on my back while I tried very hard to stay still. Afterwards, they passed out rope and people practiced the ties and I allowed people to practice on me, too. It was a lot of fun, and the ties were effective, easy and comfortable. “A+ would be tied up by again!”rating!

After the demo, we snuck out and ate dinner, then ran into about 15 of my favorite people who were entering the restaurant as we were leaving. We headed upstairs, where I probably got changed again and we went to Joe and Ten’s suite. There were only a few people hanging out in there, since most everyone else had gone to dinner, but I had a good time talking to everyone, including the person behind Spanking Resource (I don’t know if he uses a particular name online or not!) and a few others.
At one point I did something out of line and needed to be spanked (gasp!) so Paul selected one of Big Bubba’s Bible Belts and applied it to me. Big Bubba is a friend of mine who does leatherworking, and his belts with “Bible” stamped on them are a perennial favorite. It started out as just a pun, but the belts are fairly lightweight, delightfully pliable and capable of being used across intensities. This instance of the implement belongs to Joe, and it’s obvious that he’s spanked about 108 girls with it because it was delightfully well broken in and clearly an implement “of joy!” It was stingy in a light and delicious way… dare I say it was even “sensual.” I didn’t want the spanking to stop, ever! I made Paul promise that we’d buy one for ourselves at the vendor’s fair.

The next thing that I wrote in my notes is “Bad Alex is Bad.” I have no idea what particular incident this refers to, because that’s kind of like writing notes on a day out hiking and saying “The sky is blue.” A while before the party, Bad Alex and I were arguing back and forth and I called her some kind of awful insult, as we tend to do to each other. Instead of just responding with one of her signature, creative insults (“your breath smells like Bigfoot’s dick”) Bad Alex decided to write a long and carefully worded email to Paul, explaining how I had wronged her and how she wanted to keep my “good girl status intact” by telling on me “for my own good.” I’m sure she said “I’m just a little girl” somewhere in there, too. Of course I ended up getting caned, because there’s no fairness anywhere in the Universe when Bad Alex is involved (remember, I once got 14 strokes of the cane because she punched me in the knee!)
At CCM, she continued this masquerade of being a good girl who is unfairly accused by me by being sweet and polite whenever Paul was around and then turning around and insulting or slapping me when he wasn’t looking. He always seemed to be looking when I retaliated, though, and I was soon jumping up and down at the unfairness of it all. I had high hopes of seeing Alex properly punished sometime this weekend, though, and my best bet was at Spanking Court on Saturday night. Bad Alex claimed she had a foolproof defense, but I wasn’t so sure. As soon as the box was out in the main room, I filed a class-action case against her as “The Good Alex representing the people of CCM vs. Bad Alex for harassment.”

This seems like a good stopping point for this post. I suspect that CCM will be broken up into about 5 or 6 posts total, since I took notes and everything. Please stay tuned! ♥

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Bondage, Caning, Chicago Crimson Moon, Detention, Drlectr, Northern Spanking, Paul Kennedy, Roleplaying, Rope, Sarah Gregory, Spanking Modeling, The Bad Alex | 1 Comment

Pre-party: Prux, Panda, Presents, Punishment

Published October 31, 2013

I first met my friend Prux over fetlife nearly a year ago. We got to see each other in person for the first time at BBW. I was practically shocked by what a sweet girl she is: caring, gentle, kind, polite and loving. We got to spend much more time together at July’s Crimson Moon party, and it was then that I knew that we were going to be really good friends. My favorite memory from our interactions during the summer was when we both stayed the night at Joe and Ten’s house following the July party. The Brat Brigade was in full force and ridiculous hijinx were happening all around us. At one point, Bad Alex had gotten me into trouble and I was waiting nervously for the consequences of my actions. Prux came and stood next to me sweetly, holding my hand.

“Do you want to go hide?” she asked. The other girls had been running around the house all evening, hiding in closets and attempting to escape spankings. At this point, I’d never hidden to avoid punishment before in my life (and I’m quite sure Prux hadn’t either), so it seemed like a possibly fun experiment. First, we hid in the closet but it was dark and a bit scary in there, so when no one was looking, we crept up the stairs and out into the front yard. We considered hiding under someone’s car like cats, but decided that was not a wise idea and simply crouched behind it. We stayed there giggling and holding hands for quite a while before we realized that no one was looking for us, so we gave up and wandered back to the basement where everyone was hanging out and confessed what we had done. I took my spanking and then Prux and I cuddled. It would have been fairly anti-climactic if she hadn’t been so damn adorable. That night, we both slept on the same L-shaped sofa, having arranged ourselves so that we wouldn’t poke one and other with our feet.

I got to see Prux a little more at Shadowlane, but that was a particularly busy party for me so I didn’t get to spend as much time with friends as I would have liked. We chatted lots after it, though, and I was really excited to see her during this party. We planned to spend the Wednesday before the party fully started together, and Prux obviously gave careful thought to what we should do together for the most adorable, girly fun possible. Unfortunately, Paul and I didn’t end up getting into Chicago until about 4:30 or something, so we weren’t able to do as much adventuring as we would have liked. I was still one of the most excited girls in the whole world when I saw Prux pull up to meet us at the airport! I couldn’t stop hopping up and down. It was exciting to introduce her and Paul: I love it when the people that I adore finally get to meet each other.

We had to do a couple of errands before going to the hotel, and Prux and I chatted happily while we did them. I had forgotten several important things when packing (as is always the way with me). One of these was a coat– it had been in the 70’s when I left Los Angeles on Wednesday morning, so I left my coat sitting on the chair in my study. I was sorely missing that in Chicago as the wind whipped around. Prux kept giving me cuddles whenever we were outside to keep me warm. 😀 Another thing I had forgotten was a stuffed animal. When we stopped at the grocery store for other supplies, we noticed a shelf full of stuffed toys. I asked Paul if I could get one.

“Of course,” he responded. “You’ll need something to clutch desperately while I’m beating you.” My tummy felt funny when he said this, but Prux helped me pick out an adorable pink panda to be my newest companion. I named her Penelope.

Meet Penelope!

After errands were done, we went to dinner, where Prux and I had nearly excessive cuddles and I managed to get ketchup in my hair. Then we went to the hotel and got checked in. Here, Prux gave me a present: one of the sweetest ones I’ve ever gotten!

It was a “bag of sunshine”: she had assembled a yellow bag full of fun, adorable yellow presents to represent what she said was the “sunshine that I bring into her life.” I couldn’t stop grinning as I unpacked it. Everything was carefully selected, and the whole thing was made more excellent by the fact that yellow is my favorite color!

A puzzle, candy, yellow flowers, cider mix, face masks, nail polish, gummy bears, glitter crayons, a candle, silly string, cute animal containers filled with candy, a giraffe which is also a fan and a card with a sweet note. There were also two rubber ducks, who aren’t shown because they were in the bathtub.

The bag included a puzzle with cute ducks, and Prux and assembled it together (this was the second time that Prux had done it, because she checked to make sure all the pieces were there before giving it to me, which I think is over-the-top sweet!)

Artistic rendering of Prux and I!

After that, I had to take a bath because I was super gross from traveling and had ketchup in my hair. We chatted while I was bathing, and SheldonFT texted to see if he could come say hi to Prux. Soon a small group of spankos had assembled in the living room area of our room while I sat naked in the bath. Paul had gone down to the lobby and got to meet the handful of friends who were in the room when he came back, then he came to talk to me where I was sitting in the bathtub. He instructed me to turn over in the bath so my bottom was up and he gave me my first few swats of the party, scolding me for making such a mess in the restaurant. It started out playful and tender, but then I decided to suddenly drop down so that my bottom was submerged. He wasn’t expecting it, and the next spank made an enormous splash, getting water all over him. The rest of the spanking was much more brisk after that!

Once I had finished in the bath, I came out and got into pajamas and saw Sheldon, Naughty Freckles and LilAngelWings. The group of us chatted until it got a bit late, and then everyone returned to their rooms. I had to say goodnight to Prux, since she wasn’t staying in the hotel that night. I gave her the biggest hug ever and a million thank-you’s for her sweetness. I’m so grateful to have such a wonderful, loving friend. After our hugs time was finished, she shyly and adorably asked Paul if she could hug him, too, which was of course very acceptable indeed!

Once she was gone, though, the evening got slightly more serious. I had done something (personal) I shouldn’t have earlier in the day, and I knew that I was going to be punished for it before going to bed. Paul instructed me to sit on the bed and wait for him while he went downstairs to smoke. I sat on the bed cuddling Penelope and being very still and quiet, my heart racing. I wasn’t sure what exactly was going to happen, but I knew that I needed to be punished for what I had done, and I felt a sense of serenity in the knowledge that my correction was inevitable. After what felt like approximately eight years of waiting, Paul came back and sat down next to me on the bed. He scolded me for my behavior earlier in the day and reminded me why I needed to be punished for it. His voice was gentle the entire time, and his touch sweet. “I thought about it and I’ve decided that I’m not going to cane you for this,” he told me. “It’s the start of a party weekend and I’m partly responsible for what happened this morning. That wouldn’t be fair.” I let out a little sigh, as I had been fairly confident that was what was coming. “Instead I’m going to strap you.” Oh. Well, fuck. “I know you think that’s worse,” he acknowledged.

When other people say “strapping” they could be referring to a spanking given with any of a number of leather implements, some wide, some narrow, some light and delicious and others bitey and cruel. In my household it only means one thing, though: the tawse. I’m sitting alone in my bedroom writing this, and I still blushed and shuddered to type that word. Mila and I have taken to calling it “the other thing” (with “the first thing” meaning the cane). No other implement has ever focused my mind so much. I’m not entirely sure where my extreme, obsessive love/(but mostly)hate relationship with this implement came from. Part of it comes from the fact that it appeared in stories and historical things that I read and in films which I saw during my pre-spanking fantasy period. Part of it comes from the fact that early on in our dynamic, Paul sent me a very detailed email about how intended to use this particular implement on me and how it was going to feel. I received this message at a time when I wasn’t really playing, and certainly not in the way I wanted to be, and it became a seed that grew into a fantastic tree of delightful and terrifying fantasies. Then there’s a film from Nimue’s World entitled “I’ve Seen You” that I’ve been a bit obsessed with in which Paul plays a wonderfully creepy character who beats Nimue rather mercilessly with said implement. This film is dark, but in reality, totally consensual and I find it very, very hot. Then, of course, there’s the reality of the thing. “The other thing” hurts, to me, in a way nothing else does. Hot, pinching, biting, swelling, firey hurt. I think it has a 100% “made Alex cry” rating still. Owwwwww.

To return from my tangent, I sat on the bed wringing my hands at this announcement. I seriously considered begging for a caning instead, but I maintained my composure, as I knew I had messed up and I knew I needed to be punished. If I had asked for something else and received it, even if it had been severe I would have felt like I got away with something. It wouldn’t have put me in the headspace that I needed to be in. So I just looked down at the ground and was quiet and obedient. Besides, he had approached this as an alternative to a caning and mentioned that I “think” it’s worse, which could have seemed patronizing but wasn’t. To me, it suggested that it wasn’t intended to be (this time).

First there was a warmup, which happened OTK and was very short and made me pretty sore itself. I had tears forming behind my eyes before the proper punishment even started. The proper punishment arrived soon, though, and I was ordered over the end of the bed and it was announced that I’d be getting eight: the rounded-up version of half my usual punishment. The first stroke landed and I wailed and started to cry, although I recognized that he wasn’t doing it quite as hard as he usually did. On the second stroke I dared to look over my shoulder and saw that, indeed, he wasn’t swinging with the ferocity that he usually had. This didn’t stop it from hurting terribly, but it was more manageable. I couldn’t help but cry at each stroke, though, especially when I focused on the careless thing which I had done earlier in the day. I let the pain focus me on my desire to be a good girl, and I cried out my frustration with myself and my guilt at my earlier behavior. My cries got louder as the number got higher, but soon, it was finished. It wasn’t a severe punishment: a lot of it had been in my head, but I felt much better for it.

It took me several minutes of lying on the bed gasping and clutching Penelope before I managed out my thanks for the punishment, but once I did I was reminded that I’m a good girl and wrapped up in a delightful snuggle. Then it was time for photos and to get ready to actually go to sleep!

See? Not TOO bad!

Unfortunately for me, I had a hell of a time sleeping throughout the entire party, so at six AM, after having no sleep the night before, I accidentally woke Paul up because I was literally in tears from insomnia. Awww, that’s pathetic. He gave me a sleep aid and cuddled me and stroked my hair and eventually I did fall asleep. I had a big day ahead of me… ♥

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Bad behavior, bears, Bedtime spanking, Chicago Crimson Moon, Pandas, Paul Kennedy, presents, Prux, Punishment, Scene Stories, Stuffed Animals, Tawse | 4 Comments

A Post About a Post

Published October 28, 2013

So, for over a week now, I’ve been working on a post about whether or not there are forms of play, especially emotional or mental play, which are inherently abusive or universally unacceptable and questioning whether there are limitations to what can be consented to, even when all parties are adults who are fully mentally capable of giving their consent. I’ve questioned what sorts of activities are appropriate to do in a “blanket consent” or “generalized consent” relationship when one has given a general surrender of power instead of negotiating specific activities.

I don’t know that I’m ever going to be able to finish this post. It’s probably the most difficult thing I’ve tried to write.

This is partially because I’m scared that this will look like I’m trying to point fingers, or that I’m writing this with an agenda, which I’m honestly not doing. I’m not trying to say that I was abused, or that someone I know was abused, or that there was a specific situation I was involved in or witnessed recently where consent was not appropriately given. My thought process for this post started because I described a form of play as being “abusive” recently, and then started thinking about whether it’s possible for any one thing to be inherently so instead of being different in any situation. I don’t want to cause any outrage or hurt any feelings. I’m trying to write carefully and deliberately with this in mind.

This is also partially because of my writing style. When I’m ruminating on a theoretical topic, I tend to pull in examples using anecdotal evidence from my life or from other people’s activities that have been shared with me. I feel like it’s unfair for me to do that in this situation because then it puts these activities under the scrutiny of “was this abusive?” and no one wants that. That isn’t fair to anyone, nor is it generally appropriate. When you remove all the specific descriptions from the text, you’re only left with a series of questions to which I don’t have any answers:

Are there things that can’t be consented to?
Is consent valid when a person doesn’t fully know or understand what they are consenting to?
Is consent valid if it’s given when a person has already been brought into subspace?
Are there any activities that simply shouldn’t be done?
Do we ever have the right to judge other people’s activities?
If the same activity can be both positive and abusive depending on context, are there any aspects that influence this besides consent?

For now, I’m going to keep the rest of the post that I’ve worked on as a draft. Maybe I’ll eventually come up with a way to finish it. In the meantime, I’d like to pose these questions to all of you. I’m curious to see if you have any answers. ♥

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged consent, Questions | 9 Comments

KOTW: Understanding Tickling

Published October 21, 2013

Well, my plan to write more has been working to some extent. I’ve been working on a kind of big “theory” post that deals with a concept that I’ve been struggling with for some time. As such, it’s hard to get through the writing. I keep going back and forth on what I want to say.
Because of this, I haven’t had a full post for you since the last Kink of the Week (le sigh!) but I can promise an interesting one soon. Not that KOTW isn’t interesting.

So, onto the post!

The KOTW topic this week is tickling.
I’ve always had a very neutral feeling towards tickling. I’m rather ticklish, but I don’t particularly dislike being tickled. As a child, I found tickling to be a pleasant interaction, although I grew up in a family where that was considered a bit too much physical contact to be appropriate. As I grew up, it sort of stopped being something that I thought of very often.

From time to time I meet people in the scene who sort of roll their eyes at my spanking fetish.
“Spanking? Really? That’s hardly even kinky. That’s so childish. That doesn’t even hurt,” they say. Then I get all kinds of flustered and annoyed and defensive. Let me tell you a long list of reasons why your wrong. But this hardly matters, because the person with this opinion just doesn’t “get” spanking or understand what it means to be a spanko, so they can’t really be convinced.

In the process of brainstorming for this post, I discovered that my feelings towards tickling were quite similar to the feelings that I hated having directed towards spanking.

In my mind, tickling is a tender, playful interaction that doesn’t feel kinky to me. There’s something that seems sort of unappealingly childish about it to me (and I’m sitting at my very small desk dressed in my fuzzy nightshirt which is printed with cartoon owls and a pair of Hello Kitty panties with my hair in pigtails, typing this on my sticker-covered laptop). I decided that these feelings aren’t really fair for me to have, and they certainly aren’t very educated.

I decided to start looking at some Tickling sites to learn a little bit more about it. A lot of them presented tickling in a way sort of similarly to the way I was imagining it: two girl-next-door types gently rough-housing and tickling each other in their lingerie, sometimes using colorful feathers. The presence of the feathers connected it to something else in my mind: “sensation play.”

Via Teaseglam.com

I originally thought that sensation play was a pretty milquetoast idea, as well. This was during a period of my life when I was very focused on submission as being challenging and where I frequently intentionally denied myself the enjoyable side of things like spanking. The idea of “things which feel nice” seemed, well, lame to me. Later on, I started to break down the barriers between things being “nice” and things being “kinky” and I discovered that I like quite a lot of sensation play. I like the feeling of something cold being placed on my bottom after a spanking, or the startle of it touching me on my unaffected skin. I like soft materials on my body and especially on skin that’s sore. I like the feeling of pressure as something weighted is pressed against me. I like focusing only on my body, and making my world very small, and sensation play lends itself to that very well. Just as pain is a focusing device, so can be any sort of touch. I often find gentle touches with a single finger being run slowly over my body to be some of the most erotic. This motion when repeated over and over can become a slow tickling sensation. I can see how this would be enjoyable, positive and nice.

But tickling fetishists don’t always think that tickling is nice, right? Sometimes tickling is a torture. I think the primary reason that I can’t imagine tickling as being particularly kinky is because I’ve always had tickling stop before I even got particularly tired of it. I’ve never been held down, restrained and tickled until I wanted it to be over. I know that many people enjoy combining tickling with bondage, and I can imagine the point where anything becomes unbearable and apply that to tickling to create a scenario which is not unlike the point in a spanking where I feel like it’s difficult to endure it any longer. This is the place where submission is required, where I have to focus on passivity and give myself over to the spanking. I can imagine that tickling can come to require a similar kind of submission.

Then there’s the idea of tickling as being a rougher, harsher activity. If you tickle someone with your nails, for example, that somewhere between tickling and scratching. If you use a rough or abrasive motion, especially on the tender parts of the body, tickling can be strangely painful. Once or twice, Malignus “tickled” me in a method that he calls “deep tissue tickling.” I don’t fully understand what he did, but I think it combined massage techniques with tickling motions to create a sensation that was similarly invasive to the pain that I felt when we experimented with bastinado. It felt like there was a creature loose inside my body, or sometimes, like I was being stabbed. It was so invasive feeling that I wasn’t able to be submissive towards the feeling. Again, we didn’t do much of this. 😛

So, at the end of the day, I can see the appeal, I think. I’ve certainly found a new appreciation for why it might be enjoyable and how I could possibly relate to what a tickling fetishist enjoys. I’m glad that I explored this because I don’t like not understanding something, and I hate to think that I’m not giving something a fair shot in my mind.

As always, I’m open to questions and comments.
I promise that there’ll be a post with spanking in it very soon. ♥

Posted in Kink of the Week | Tagged KOTW, Tickling | 18 Comments

Missing Persons

Published October 14, 2013

On a daily basis, I happily answer questions about lots of different things in my comments, ask box on tumblr and email. Usually, these questions are related to logistical things (where can I find a particular video, when will you next be visiting my area et cetera) or questions about my life, history and interests (which implements I prefer to be spanked with, whether I was spanked as a child or not, how I got into the scene et cetera). I do my best to answer everything that I get, although questions that are too personal or that request information which isn’t mine to give out get skipped over. There is a pair of similar questions that I consistently get, and I’m going to answer them on the public forum so that the information gets out there. That said, because I’m discussing people other than myself, these answers are intentionally vague.

The first question is “What happened to Heather Green/Michaels? Is she ever going to make more videos?”

Usually people sound a bit worried about Heather’s video making cessation, and ask if she’s alright.
Heather is doing quite well, but has retired from modeling. She’s happily living out some of her life’s greatest dreams at the moment, and has chosen to stop doing films in order to focus on her vanilla pursuits. Heather still has one unreleased video that I know of: a scene that I’m also in which will be coming out on Northern Spanking at some point in the fairly near future. That said, she won’t be making any new films, so that will likely be the last “new” Heather Green release. We’ll all miss seeing videos from her, but I’m very glad that she’s happy and well. ^_^

The second question, similar in nature is “What happened to Spanking Debs and Firm Discipline? Where can I purchase those videos?”

Firm Discipline is currently off-line and the content that was held therein is not available for purchase anywhere at the moment. Debs has taken a break and stepped back from video production. I don’t know if this is permanent or if she’ll be back. I also don’t know when or where the existing content will be available again. I’m under the impression that it will be for sale again at some point, although I don’t know the specifics. I’ll post more information when I have it. In the meantime, you’ll just have to wait and see what happens. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more, I honestly don’t know the answers to this. Several people have asked me if I can distribute the Firm Discipline scenes that include me. The answers is that I am not able to do that. Sorry!

I know that this is a far less interesting post than that which I usually have! I just wanted to share this information and let you all know the answers to these questions. If you have any other questions (about anything, really) feel free to leave them in the comments or email me at alexinspankingland@gmail.com
♥

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Debs, Firm Discipline, Questions | 4 Comments

KOTW: Experiments with Bastinado

Published October 13, 2013

I did one “Kink of the Week” post during the summer, and since then, I haven’t participated.
This is just because I was having a hard enough time keeping up with my regular posting, let alone try to add in something with a *gasp* deadline!

For those of you who don’t know, Kink of the Week (or KOTW) is a feature on my friend Jade’s blog. Every week, she posts a particular “kink” as the theme. These things are sometimes activities, materials, practices, ideas et cetera that a person might fetishize or enjoy as part of their kink play. She then invites other bloggers to write up their opinion, interests, ideas or “take” on this topic. Everyone’s links are posted to the KOTW page, so readers can get a variety of opinions on one topic.

It’s a bit hard for me to write these posts sometimes because I see my kink play as being fairly limited because my fetishistic interests are pretty straight forward compared to some people. That said, I have dabbled in a lot of things and I do have thoughts on basically everything. That’s the beauty of having a brain, isn’t it? 😛 More importantly, I like the *idea* of KOTW. I like having a variety of minds come together and describe their thoughts and feelings. I like the fact that instead of it being a thread on a forum somewhere or a place where you can comment on her blog, Jade allows us each to showcase our own work. We write and format our posts in the style that’s natural and comfortable for us, and we do it in our own spaces on the internet. When we invite others to read our KOTW posts, it draws attention to each person’s blog or site and allows us to find people whose thoughts and words are powerful and important but who we would not normally encounter.

For these reasons, I’ve decided that I’m going to try to make myself write about the KOTW topic each and every week, though, even when the kink is something that I don’t fetishize or usually practice. I don’t know how much I’ll have to say about these topics, or how great my post will be, but we’ll try it.

Relatedly, this week’s topic is Bastinado.

Bastinado isn’t something that I’ve ever fantasized about. I think this is probably because even though it’s a traditional form of corporal punishment, it’s very removed from the domestic/institutional corporal punishment base of my fantasies. It feels darker, to me, but it doesn’t fit with the dark parts which draw me in. In general, the basis of my darker interests is always a change in theme or intensity, not a change in the style of play. Then there’s the fact that my feet are very sensitive and because I’m very clumsy, I’ve injured them a lot of times. There’s nothing particularly exciting about a sensation that I associate with accidentally hurting myself.

Still, I’ve experimented with getting hit on the feet on two different occasions. The first was during the very start of my relationship with Malignus. During the time that we first started sceneing together, we tried a lot of things that I had never done before, many of which we would never do again, just for the sake of experimentation and new experiences. One day, while we were hanging out in his living room (this was before we lived together), he grabbed my foot and applied a sharp smack to the bottom of it with a wooden spoon. I found the sensation of this to be something which I can only describe with one word: “invasive.” I don’t mean that it was invasive to my personal comfort zone that he did that or anything like that. I found the pain to be invading my body in a way that I’d never experienced. Because the hurting traveled up the body of my foot, the feeling seemed more akin to a foreign object entering me in a place where it wasn’t meant to than just feeling sore. I thrashed around, trying to shake the feeling out of my foot. This kind of sensation made me very uncomfortable and almost a little disturbed, like some shockwave of hurt was wiggling around in my body.
We never did that again.

Target?

The second time that I experimented with this was very recently. Someone with whom I was playing asked if he could hit my feet very gently. I decided to try it, to see if gentler, more percussive sensations would be different. Besides, it had been years since my previous attempt at it, and my tolerance for different sensations had increased. So we tried it. He used a leather paddle to lightly strike the bottoms of my feet, avoiding the arch and the toes. I wouldn’t call the sensation pleasant, but I didn’t have the same reaction that I did last time. It felt very similar to being struck on the hand, although it was being done in a much less intense way than my previous hand-striking experiences. It hurt, and but it radiated in a traditional pattern. Afterwards, it felt a bit odd to walk around on tender feet, but the feeling dissipated quickly.

Maybe you could give warmup strokes over socks, to make a foot-baring ritual and borrow from the spanking routine?

I don’t see myself playing this way much in the future, but I am starting to understand why people who enjoy it might. I think that for some, the unusual, almost exotic nature of it could be exciting. Of course, if you’re into feet, then that’s a huge bonus. One of my friends described the feeling of being caned on the soles of her feet as sending shockwaves through her body which felt similar to the sensations that she felt during orgasm, and therefore she finds it tremendously arousing. I would imagine that both this positive reaction and my initial negative reaction would have been caused by the layout of nerves in the foot: she’s just getting struck on nicer feeling ones than I was. Or perhaps they’re the same and the feeling that I found invasive and frightening feeling excite her.

I’ve mentioned this idea before, but I always find it very humbling when I play around in a kink other than my own. I can get to feeling very tough indeed when it comes to taking spankings. I can have a very high tolerance (I say “can” because in a vulnerable situation my tolerance is laughably low). It almost fills me with awe at how much things hurt me that *aren’t* on my bottom or thighs, and my bastinado play experiments are a good example of that. Still, I think that when I want that feeling of being shocked by how painful something is, I think I’ll stick to something that I find thematically more interesting (like my hands). ♥

Posted in Kink of the Week | Tagged Bastinado, BDSM, Feet, Kink of the Week, KOTW | 19 Comments

A Very Long Walk

Published October 10, 2013

I’m back!
FINALLY!
I’ve never let this blog sit around uncared for for such a long time. I finally have the basic pieces of my life in order now, though: my house is nearly unpacked, I have most of the furniture that I require and all of my appliances, my cats are happily adjusted to the new home and, perhaps most importantly, I finally have internet. It took them two weeks to get around to setting it up. It was ridiculous. I got tremendously behind on everything that I needed to do, since nearly all of it involves being online.
I’m finally getting caught up now. It’s very time consuming.

But life is good.

Paul and I are growing into a comfortable lifestyle as things get settled. Like everyone else in the world, we spend most of our days doing our respective jobs, but we both do large parts of that from home so we spend a lot of time together. I make dinner nearly every night and do lots of baking, which makes me happy. Between work and chores and making cookies, there’s time for me to do the silly things that I like, such as drawing with sidewalk chalk, chasing my cats around and doing craft projects such as making foxes out of paper.

Two dozen cookies from scratch, one dozen foxes from construction paper

After I made them, Paul used string to carefully hang them from the weeping branches of the tree in our yard, whose trunk is wrapped with tiny, solar powered Christmas lights. Our mail box is matte black, so I color on it with the sidewalk chalk. We have a pumpkin on our stoop and yellow flowers growing in a planter. It’s so incredibly obvious that I live here. It’s a very happy house.

Paul and I have grown very comfortably into having D/s as part of our daily lives instead of maintaining a long distance relationship, probably partially because the foundation that we built during the time that we were long distance was so strong. Aiding in the ease of this transition is the fact that we both have a very strong and well defined idea of what we want from one such relationship and that those ideas are very much in line (see also, our compatibility). I’m sure that being seriously in love doesn’t hurt, either.

Just as our daily life has become very domesticated, our daily kink life has, too, in a way that I find infinitely comforting. Spanking fits into our daily life seamlessly. It’s the most natural thing in the world. Our bedtime ritual involves me getting spanked each night as a re-affirmative act, but spankings just happen throughout the day, too, whether it’s taking a break from work for spontaneous play or setting time aside to address something more serious.

Interestingly, now that I’m living in a location where I have a lot more kinky friends and scene activities to participate in, I’ve found myself much more involved and interested in my vanilla life. I’ve been reconnecting with old friends, doing personal writing projects, doing craft projects, doing more baking and more experimental cooking and just generally rediscovering interests that I had put aside.

One thing that I really like is walking. That sounds like a very lame thing to like, doesn’t it? I do, though. In college, Zeki and I used to walk huge distances, sometimes passing through two or three towns, or even out of the county. We’d talk and share stories. Some of our best mutual ideas were fostered during these walks. Other days, I would walk by myself, usually on a shady trail that followed the Bronx River. I would get deeply involved in daydreaming and often make up spanking stories in my head or review others that I really enjoyed, sometimes from films, sometimes from my own limited experiences with SF.

The other day I decided to go take a walk, since I needed to talk to someone on the phone I get antsy when I’m just sitting still when I’m on the phone. Paul was working in the study, so I told him I’d be back shortly. I did plan to be back shortly. Maybe I didn’t really plan at all, because I was wearing jelly flip-flops and I didn’t have any water with me and it was a particularly dry, hot day. None the less, my conversation ended pretty quickly, but I kept walking for a while, daydreaming happily like I used to do. I realized that I was walking in the direction of a particular major road where Target is located, and I decided that it would be neat if I walked all the way there. It’s about a mile away from my house, so it was certainly feasible– I’ve done 8 – 10 mile walks in the past. I needed to go there anyway, and I estimated that I was about halfway there already. I’d walk the rest of the way, get the hangers I needed and then walk home.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t actually walking the way that I thought I was.

Two miles later, I was hot, dehydrated and tired. My feet were incredibly sore and seriously blistered. I decided that I needed to give up and turn around.

I tried to walk home, but I got about six blocks before I realized that there was no way I could possibly do that. I was tired. I needed a drink. This was a stupid idea.

I slowly began to realize how poorly I had planned this. Why did I think it was a good idea to walk in the heat without water or proper shoes? I hadn’t even told Paul where I was going, and he was under the impression I was going to be back shortly. I realized that I’d been gone for nearly an hour. Under the strap of my sandal, my feet looked like they were about to bleed.

It was then that I realized I was going to have to ask Paul to come get me in the car. It was also then that I realized that I was probably going to be in pretty serious trouble. Taking care of myself is pretty much rule #1. This was a serious failure in that department.

Well, fuck.

Paul agreed to come get me without really saying anything about it, but as soon as I got into the car, I knew that he was seriously displeased with me.

“Are you mad?” I asked, my voice small and meek.
“You’re going to be punished when we get home” was his only response. We drove back in silence. I could do nothing but think about how thoughtless this had been. I’d interrupted Paul’s working. I had entirely failed at taking care of myself. Tears ran down my face, and I sniffled a bit.

As soon as we got in the door, Paul turned to me and said “Go to your room.” I went into our bedroom and flopped on the bed. I didn’t want to stand up. My feet hurt too much. I was hot. I was tired. I was in big, big trouble. I lay there like a lump, doing an activity which really can’t be described as anything but “sulking.” In the seeming eternity (but actually one or two minutes) before Paul came in I could hear him moving around in the kitchen. Then I heard the sound of a cabinet being opened and shut again, and my heart began to pound.

There’s a shallow, white cabinet in the kitchen. It’s separated from the other kitchen cupboards and obviously original to the house, but it’s only about three inches deep. I’m not sure what it was used for, but it’s become the official storage place for some of our meanest implements.

I wanted to mope about the fact that I was about to be seriously corrected, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I knew that I deserved it. Still, my tummy hurt.

Paul finally came into the room holding a cane. I had sort of known that was going to be the end of this story from the moment that I realized that I had messed up so badly, but the reality of the situation was sinking in very quickly.

In addition to feeling upset about how thoughtless my actions were, I had been really focused on worrying that Paul was mad at me for inconveniencing him. Having to stop your work to go rescue a silly girl who got herself into a mess is bound to annoy anyone. But once he began to scold me, I realized that he was much more upset about the fact that something bad could have happened to me. I felt very loved as he lectured me about thinking before I did things and taking care of myself. I could feel how precious I am to him, and how he won’t let any harm come to me, even through my own poor judgement.

Then he ordered me over the bed and began to spank me. While technically a warmup, he started hard and furiously. In my tired, vulnerable state, I pretty instantly started to sob hard, offering absolutely no emotional resistance to the spanking. I needed it. I knew that.

I felt impossibly sore after the warm up, but this was probably mostly because of my mental state at the time. Then Paul ordered me to kneel up on the bed, which I did quickly. I kept my feet off the edge of the bed because they had gotten filthy as I was walking around on the dusty sidewalks in flip flops. Paul noticed this, too, and said “You’ll clean your feet after this,” which I quietly affirmed through my tears. “Get down on your elbows,” he told me, and this made me cry harder, but I did as I was told. This position means only one thing: strokes to the tender area where my thighs and bottom meet. Paul then tapped my bottom with the cane before simply saying “Ten.”

The first stroke startled me into some sort of clarity for a second, although after the initial crack, during that long moment when the pain begins to built and develop, I felt overtaken by hurting and began to cry again. The next two or three were quickly paced– no time for one to finish building before the next and I could make no attempt at processing them. I wailed. After five strokes, he gave me a little break, pressing his hand against the welts in the same motion that I do when a beating is over. The pressure seems to hold the pain in for a moment. I caught my breath, but didn’t slow my sobbing.

The next two strokes were to that aforementioned tender area. I did my best not to yell, but I felt an overpowering warmth: burning, biting, pinching, gnawing heat. The rest of the strokes came in quick succession, and after each one, my cries became louder and more desperate.

It’s a very good thing that we live in a house instead of an apartment. I’m….noisy.

When the whole thing was over, Paul immediately sat down on the bed and pulled me onto his lap, holding me close to him. I wiped tears all over my face in some attempt of cleaning myself up and apologized over and over. He stroked my hair and told me he forgave me.

Part of our protocol surrounding scenes is that I always thank him for spanking me. This is something that I initiated because it makes me feel very submissive in the best way. After being soundly punished I felt a bit shy to say this this time, but I managed it out in a coy whisper. “Good girl,” he told me, kissing my forehead. I sat there on his lap for a long time, entirely vulnerable, my bottom aching and burning but my tears drying. I felt lucky to be so loved. I was filled with contentment.

Finally, I felt calm enough to get up and get myself properly cleaned up. I rinsed my feet off and then climbed into a cool bath, the water still feeling tingly and antagonistic against my welts. I was glad, though. I didn’t want them to be fully soothed. I didn’t stop to take a picture of the lines, but they were impressive: perfectly parallel and close enough together that they very nearly touched, but not quite.

Anyway, I’m back now. I’ll be updating one to two times a week, as I used to. I’ve missed writing, and I hope you’ve missed reading.♥

Posted in Daily Life | Tagged Affirmation, aftercare, Anticipation, Bad behavior, Caning, Crying, Daily Life, Discipline, Domestic, Dominance, Foxes, Paul Kennedy | 8 Comments

Don’t Worry! I’m Still Here!

Published September 20, 2013

It’s been one of the longest gaps between posts that I’ve ever had on this blog.
I’m still here, I promise. I’ve just been in a transition period in my life.

About five weeks ago, I left South Dakota with everything I owned there packed into my sedan. From there, I drove to Denver, where I visited with Amoni and shot some absolutely amazing scenes (including two outdoor scenes) for Real Spankings. From Denver, I drove straight through to Dallas, which is the longest stretch of driving I’ve ever done alone and in one go. After a few days of recovery from that, I spent some time visiting with a variety of awesome friends, doing some shopping and eating the greatest BBQ in all the land. I love the time that I spend in Texas. I got to do some filming, too, including stuff for Firm Discipline (still awaiting it’s return to the internet), Amateur Spankings and a few others! Mila and I hung out a bit, too, then I picked her up and we drove to Vegas for Shadowlane. Driving to Vegas was a long and kind of ridiculous process, but it was amazingly fun, too. The whole backseat of my car was packed solid:

We had misadventures, sisterly arguments, played car games, sang along to a lot of music, ate snacks and did other roadtriply things. We also spent a night with Heather Green and her fiance, who happened to be in the area, which was lovely! Of course, I had to get naked in nature at some point during the trip:

After that, we did eventually arrive in Vegas, where good times were had by all. I’m horrible at writing about parties, and I feel like everyone already has a good idea what Shadowlane was like from all the awesome reports that have been posted, so I’m not going to try to add to it. I will point out that I had a wonderfully fun shoot for Triple A while I was there! It had been a long time since I saw John (“The Chief”) and I was very pleased to get to spend time with him again. I really enjoy filming with him for his site because he has a high tolerance for my ridiculous ideas and we often end up making things that are a bit wacky, but very hot as well. To add to the awesomeness, we filmed with Maddy Marks and Christy Cutie as well. These girls are two of my best friends, and it’s very exciting that now we’re all living in the same city. There will certainly be NO TROUBLE coming from that whatsoever! Anyway, during filming we were all in high spirits and I got into one of my brattiest moods ever captured on film, answering back to everything and showing minimal contrition. I shamelessly stole these photos from John’s blog. Thanks, Mr. Osborne!

Maddy and I wrestling and play-fighting, as sisterly girls are known to do!

I finally got to kiss Christy on film! We’ve giggled about doing this for a long time now. We’re dressed this way because we were trying to get ready for a Halloween party, so you’ll probably see this film sometime next month!

Naughtiest cheerleaders ever? Check!

Question: What do girls do in their school common rooms? Answer: look at each other’s panties, of course! Knowing all three of us, this isn’t even far removed from the truth. ^_^

The shoot was crazy fun, and we got really lovely content. I’m quite excited to see it released!

After the party was over, we took one extra day in Vegas to walk around on the strip. Mila, Maddy, Christy and I were chaperoned around by Maddy’s boyfriend, Siq. There’s a lot of alcohol available in Vegas, it turns out, and I got..errr…day drunk. Kind of immediately. Before lunch. I’m SUCH A WINNER. Lunch did me a lot of good, though, and we had fun exploring for the rest of the day. The four of us girls were impeccably behaved, of course, and there was no whining, fighting, biting or public spanking of one and other, and I CERTAINLY didn’t make us walk approximately two miles in search of lions that no longer exist. Honestly. I promise.

The next day, Mila and I drove on to Los Angeles, where Mila visited with Raffos and Zeki for a couple of days, including an adventure to Little Tokyo in Lolita attire:

After I said goodbye to my dear and beloved sister and she was returned to Texas, I slowly but surely began the process of getting settled and creating stability. Paul arrived a couple days after Mila left, as we’ve moved in together. I know this is kind of a big thing for me to throw in as a side note, but we’ve both had a lot of changes in our lives recently, and we’ve been building a wonderful life together. Originally, we intended to live Downtown, in the same building as Raffos and Zeki, but we ultimately decided that it was not quite enough space, and a bit too urban for what we wanted and we found an adorable house in the valley. It’s been quite a process getting set up: moving everything from storage lockers, figuring out what we needed to buy and doing so, getting back my dear and beloved cats and getting them settled, cleaning, unboxing, organizing, tracking down and buying new appliances and, perhaps the most daunting task: learning to drive in Los Angeles. So far, we’re both doing quite well with it! There’s been plenty of spanking happening, too, and I’ll tell some more stories about that soon, but I can’t rightfully make a post here without including at least one picture of my reddened bottom, so here’s a teaser for the next post:

Making a long story short, Bad Alex got me in trouble because she’s a whore.

Speaking of the next post, I’m not positive when I’ll be able to return to my usual schedule: I don’t have internet at my new house yet. The ISP can’t set it up until October 2nd 0_0. Awful! How will I live?! I’ve written this post while visiting over at R and Z’s place. So, I’ll do my best, but I’m not making any promises!
♥

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged AAA Spanking, Christy Cutie, Happiness, John Osborne, Los Angeles, Maddy Marks, Mila Kohl, Paul Kennedy, Shadowlane, Spanking Parties | 7 Comments

Alex Interviews: Mila Kohl

Published August 19, 2013

You guys heard about my wonderful adventures with my scene sister, Mila in several different posts. I’ve interviewed her about experiences in the scene and her work as a spanking model, stepping outside of my sisterly feelings for a moment (I didn’t pull her hair once in the entire process).
I really enjoy interviewing other people, and it’s my intention to do this more regularly. If you have additional questions for Mila, please leave them in the comments area and I’ll whine to her until she responds. 😀

Mila is the cutest cute who ever cuted, in case you were wondering. This photo is of her being spanked by Pandora Blake for Dreams of Spanking.

Alex: How long have you been doing spanking videos? How did you get started with them?

Mila: I started making spanking videos a little over a year ago; about the time I realized there was an expansive community of people with the same interests as me. I went to a local spanking party, and I was asked if I wanted to take part in a promo video with a bunch of other models, and I agreed. I fell immediately in love with the entire process.

Alex: What was your first spanking shoot like? Did you enjoy it?

Mila: It was very lighthearted and sort of silly, and those are always my favorite videos to do; when I can giggle about something in a video I’ve done a year after the fact, I call that a win. But I digress! All of us schoolgirls were caught having a keg party and the principal showed up. It did not end well for us. But it was very enjoyable, yes. (Side note from Alex: filming this video was the way that Mila and I first met!)

Alex: I know, and have mentioned before, that spanking is part of your personal life besides just for filming. How long have you known you were kinky? When did your interest in spanking develop?

Mila: Kink has always, always been a thing that existed in my mind. For as far back as I can remember being sexually curious, I’ve been kink curious. I can remember being rather young and asking boys to boss me around. I truly craved that sort of dynamic, and I still do. My background in kink began in BDSM, and my love for corporal punishment, and spanking in particular led me to the spanko world.

Some horrible, mean person caned my poor, sweet, innocent sister for Dreams of Spanking. 😛

Alex: When did you get first ever adult spanking? Was it a good experience?

Mila: My first ever spanking. Hmmmm. My first true OTK spanking was… Intense. I can remember feeling almost overwhelmed, balancing precariously upon the tightrope between being a good girl and taking my punishment, and being indignant and wiggly, because up to that point, I’d only had very short, sort of playful spankings. In the end, I let go and accepted my fate, (I had done something rather deserving of what I was getting) and came up all glowy and happy afterwards. I remember that spanking fondly to this day.

Alex: Would you say that spanking is your primary fetish, or just part of the stuff that you’re into? What other things in the world of kink are you interested in?

Mila: I have two primary fetishes: Spanking, and bondage, particularly rope. The kink world is a vast, exceptionally interesting and diverse place. I’m curious about a great many things. I have a few hard limits, but I have a love for trying new things and exploring as many aspects of sexuality as possible. A few of my favorite things: Floggers, shibari, suspension bondage, breath play, sensory deprivation, and having my arm held tight against my back during a spanking.

Mila doing an outdoor suspension with Dallas Kink

Alex: What are some of your favorite shoots that you’ve done so far?

Mila: Oh gosh! I’ve had so much fun with all of them.

I did some really amazing videos with Northern Spanking whilst I was in England; I think the lot of them count as one favorite. There is also an early video of you and me in our first role as sisters that is near and dear to my heart. (Note again, this video is from Firm Discipline and is currently not available, but eventually will be again!)

Mila, Debbie Davidson and me.

Alex: Are there things that you’d like to try filming but haven’t had a chance to yet?

Mila: I would love to try a bondage/spanking scene. I love the sense of vulnerability I get when I’m all bound and across someone’s knee, and the rope marks after are one of my all time favorite things.

Alex: A lot of this blog is dedicated to me talking about the adventures that I’ve had in the spanking scene. What are some of your favorite adventures that you’ve gotten to have in the scene, or with spanking friends?

Mila: Oh gosh! Well, one time you and I fed giraffes and that pretty much made my life, even though it had nothing to do with spankings. I got accused of all sorts of ridiculousness in spanking court, and was spanked on my bare bottom in front of a whole room of people for no reason, because I was totally innocent. (I think.) Oh! And I also got to be naked in the mountains with you once. That was amazing.

This is us, being naked in the aforementioned mountains.

Alex: Last year, you were named Miss OTK USA at Crimson Moon. Can you talk a little bit about the competition, and your skit?

Mila: Awh, that was so much fun! And one of my absolute FAVORITE memories of all time. I’m very sad that I wasn’t at Crimson Moon last month to crown my successor. But I’m glad it was a wonderful party!

I was very nervous about the competition, because I’ve never done anything pageanty ever. But I really wanted to win, so I looked over the requirements again, and decided that the things I needed to focus on most were my reason for wanting the crown and my spanking talent. I brainstormed for a while, and Henry [Mila’s stuffed girrafe] sat on the desk and offered moral support. Then it hit me; he could totally be a part of both of those things! For my spanking talent (adorable bratting), I bopped the judges on the head with Henry and sang a little song, and then Vincent and I planned for him to come along and scoop me up over his shoulder to give me a spanking. It all worked really well and it was a LOT of fun. When they called my name after everyone had had their turn, I couldn’t stop squealing. There’s a picture somewhere of me over Vincent’s shoulder that is a perfect depiction of all my feels in that moment. That smile didn’t leave my face for days.

I found the photo in question. Bam!

Alex: Do you have goals regarding your modeling career? Particular things you want to do or accomplish?

Mila: Honestly, I just feel very lucky to be doing what I love for a living. I’m enjoying the ride, and letting life take me where it sees fit.

Alex: What’s your favorite thing to be spanked with? Your least favorite?

Mila: A flogger. Every time. I love a good flogging.

Annnnd least would have to be a tawse. Those things make me have cry face. Alex: Holy fuck, I entirely agree on the latter.

Alex: What parties do you plan on attending this year? Will you be working there, or just socializing?

Mila: I will be attending and working at Shadowlane as well as Crimson Moon’s Halloween party. And I am VERY excited. If you’d like to shoot with me, or have a private session, email me at milakohlspanked@gmail.com

Alex: What advice would you offer a young person who wanted to get involved in the scene?

Mila: Get out there and meet people. Find a party nearby and attend it! Spankos are some of the friendliest people in the world, and most all of them that I’ve met have been more than willing to impart knowledge and guidance whenever needed. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and have fun! ♥