Well, I’m back.
I’m just going to keep talking about what I’ve been talking about here, and pretend like the entire summer hasn’t passed us by. I’ve been very busy recently, but I’ve missed blogging and missed you guys.
So, we were on the second day of TASSP, right?
The second day of TASSP started off with me getting ready to go be a demo bottom for Princess Kelley’s presentation on the different types of spanking. Due to the fact that we both enjoy nudity, I was going to do the sensual spanking part of the demo.
To be honest, I still feel a little zing of excitement when it’s time to disrobe in a room full of people. And there were quite a few people there, all sitting in rows of chairs, waiting to see me get spanked. Some of them were my friends, but others were people I didn’t know or recognize. I really thought about what I was about to do, and how lucky I was that I had the confidence and body positivity to just do this. Like I often do, I imagined telling my younger self about what my day had been like, and thought about how shocked I would have been. I smiled to myself as I slipped my dress off, standing in front of the crowd in just my panties.
Before long, I found myself over Kelley’s lap as she slid those panties down:
And she began to demonstrate a variety of types of spanking. All of them were sensual, and therefore very enjoyable. She spanked me, flogged me, used a riding crop, and did sensual caning:
It was a fun time, and I was reminded of how much I enjoy being spanked by Kelley. Yum.
That day also included one of my favorite events that I’ve ever been to at a spanking party: a giant and well organized school roleplay. I love school roleplays, and those that have a real class sized amount of girls involved are some of my all time favorites. So, I was excited as can be about this. We’d be getting schedules, breaking up into classes and then heading to different rooms to learn different subjects.
I was happy that all the girls from my “girl chat” which had originated after the last party were at TASSP, and I had been pretty forceful about making sure that they were signed up for the school girl event. One of the perks of being a spanking site producer is that I have access to an awful lot of spanking specific wardrobe, so I decided that it would be great to get our group together in matching school uniform. In order to outfit five girls, it made sense to go with a basic color scheme, so that I’d have enough of everything. I decided on white shirts, blue skirts or jumpers (pinafores, for those of you across the pond), blue cross ties and white socks.
So, on the morning of the school roleplay, I met up with Piper, OTKDesire, Elizabella and Zoey so that we could get changed into our outfits. It took a few minutes to try on various clothing options and see what fit everyone best, but we wound up looking super cute, and totally on point as a group of school girls.
We ran into our friends Tattoo Fairy, Princess Flyer and Candy before we headed down to class:
First, we had assembly, where we were scolded about the rules of the school and informed that we would need to listen to all the teachers and hall monitors by Principal Lectr, who is very high on the list of principals with whom I have an inappropriate relationship. 😉 We got in trouble for having snuck in candy.
Then, it was off to our first class, which was drama. I was very much in character as a school girl. I’m not *always* the same when I roleplay, obviously, but my go-to school girl character plays up a few of the personality traits that I normally try to subdue. I’m a know it all, a huge suck up and a tattle tail. I’m also very focused on the academic side of school, and a huge failure at most extra curricular activities (I mean, that one is kinda just true).
So, when we had to get into characters and act things out in class, I really should have been good at that. In the real world, doing improv is literally my job. That’s what I do when I’m in videos and sessions. That’s what good roleplaying is.
But, because this required an Inception like roleplay within a roleplay, I found myself stuttering and unable to come up with anything. I was too deeply into my headspace. Fortunately, I was with Zoey, who is equally a good girl to me (alright, fine, possible more so). The two of us were just shy and quiet together for the rest of class.
The next class was art, during which we were asked to start drawing a picture of “the male figure.” Now, I’m really bad at drawing anything except for cats. So, I decided to draw a male cat. The teacher had been non specific as to what species the male figure had to be, after all!
It got a little bit more complicated when our teacher’s aid, Mr. Whooperine, was called upon to give us a little bit more of a demonstration of the male figure… in real life. Gosh, he has a nice body. ^_^
My enjoyment of this was cut short, though, because the hall monitor appeared and called out my name: I was being sent to the principal’s office. I let it feel real. I let myself feel my heart pounding in my chest. I let myself get worried about what was going to happen and wondering why I could be in trouble.
There were four (I think) different administrators that girls could be sent to, but I found myself in Principal Lectr’s office.
“Young lady, you were registered for class twice, according to my attendance sheet,” he scolded me.
I bit my lip a little. That didn’t sound like too serious of an offense. I was almost disappointed.
It was true, though, that I had my name on the official attendance list twice. It had been Joe’s mistake (that is to say, Principal Lectr’s) and I had pointed it out to him, but he hadn’t fixed it. When I remembered that, I started to like where this was going.
“But sir,” I began, “it isn’t my fault that my name appeared on the list twice! You put it there by mistake, and I was trying to correct you.”
“Are you saying that it’s my fault? Are you failing to take responsibility for your actions?” he asked. The unfairness was making me squirm in the most delightful way.
“Sir, I really didn’t do anything wrong. You’re the one who made a mistake,” I insisted.
“That’s it,” he said sternly, rising from his seat and picking up a mean wooden paddle with which I am well acquainted.
I felt my heart beating fast as he walked towards me with it. It was so unfair. I’m always so good at school, and now I was going to get punished.
“Over the desk,” he told me, tapping the paddle against his hand.
I gritted my teeth and did as I was told, bending over in a way which caused my blue jumper to lift up and expose my white cotton panties.
“Six swats,” he told me.
I held still as well as I could and waited.
Truth be told, it wasn’t a very hard swat. But my bottom was sore and I was in my headspace, so it felt like I was on fire. I let out a cry and wiggled.
The next swat was probably a little softer than the first, but it felt even worse. I struggled to keep my position, letting my back rise a little bit.
At the third stroke, I found myself thinking “Halfway done! I’m halfway finished!” As if it had at some point become a challenge for me to take six medium (at best) strength swats.
But the next three were a challenge. They made me whine and wriggle across the principal’s desk.
When he had finished, he stood me up and sent me directly back to class. I couldn’t help but rub my bottom a little as I was escorted to the room again to finish my lesson.
My teacher made me turn my drawing in to be graded, and I figured that I wasn’t going to get the best marks on my cat picture. We got the drawings back later, and I was pretty pleased with myself, though:
The final class of the day was Geography, which was taught by my friend, Pooka (who is the owner of one of my all time favorite dogs). We were practicing for a quiz by playing a game where we had two teams and had to answer questions from Trivial Pursuit’s geography section.
Our team did pretty well, although we got hung up on the question “What is the only US City to contain a royal palace?” I was thinking inside the box, and couldn’t think of anything that would fit that description. And I got frustrated when we got it wrong.
Shortly after everyone had put in their wrong answers, it dawned on me. Hawaii. There was probably a palace in Hawaii.
And I was right, too, except it didn’t count because it wasn’t my turn anymore. It counted for something less good that I phrased my outburst as “It’s in fuckin’ Honolulu, isn’t it?”
And so, for the second time that school day, I found myself having my uniform skirt lifted for punishment, this time, a brisk hand spanking on my panties. It was, of course, much worse since it was delivered in front of the class, and all my friends.
Fortunately, we won anyway, and got candy to boot.
I was honestly disappointed when the school day came to end. I could have done a full 8:00 AM – 3:00 PM school day with no problem… or even a week of that. But I know that’s not what everyone wants from a spanking party.
I remain forever behind on posting, but hey, at least I’m doing it. Look for more from me coming soon!
My fourth TASSP is done, and it was a wonderful time. On the plane, as I was headed to England, I started to think about the past three years of my life in the National spanking scene, and all that has happened since I first arrived at TASSP in 2012.
I remember the overwhelming, full body anxiety I felt as I first showed up at the old TASSP hotel. What if no one liked me? What if I didn’t make friends? Could I really handle a whole weekend full of getting spanked? And play with people I didn’t know yet? Would it be weird to watch others playing? What would the activities be like?
I imagined that, realistically, I was probably going to have a pretty good time. I didn’t imagine that on that day, I was going to meet people who, upon seeing them three years later, I’d run down the hallway to tackle hug, or who would get tears in their eyes when it was time to go at the end of the weekend.
I guess what I mean to say is that I didn’t know when I first arrived at a National party that I was actually arriving at my home for the first time, that I had found a kind of acceptance and a feeling of belonging which had been lacking throughout my entire life.
I didn’t really feel it at that first party. I met people who I really liked, but in the couple of days that I was there and my shy nature back then, I didn’t get to know them that well. I think back on some of the people who I met for the first time there, and I can’t even imagine my life without knowing them. Some of them were people I spent a lot of time with at that party and never stopped wanting to spend a lot of time with. Others were people I only met in passing, but would spend more time with at other parties in the future and become fast friends.
I met someone at my first TASSP with whom it would take years, literally up until last month, for our friendship to properly blossom due to miscommunications and someone negatively influencing our ability to get along. Now, we’re finally having the friendship we should have always had, and that’s an amazing feeling. Telling her that I’ll miss her and that I was so glad we got to spend time together this weekend as I left and both of us knowing that we really meant it, finally, was one of the most refreshing feelings.
I made a friend at that party who ended up doing a lot of really hurtful and destructive stuff to me, but the spanking world can’t always be perfect. I have met people who were just incredibly toxic through the scene, yes, but it’s important to remember that for everyone who has hurt me, I’ve met countless more who have enriched my life and made it wonderful, and those are the ones I want to focus on.
I was a very different person than I am now when I first showed up. I had no idea how much I would grow over the next few years. I was very new to modeling, and almost no one knew who I was. I didn’t really even participate in most of the events for models, although I did do several shoots at that party. I worried that I didn’t fit in with the other, more established models, including some of the people who I now think of as very good friends! In general, I was pretty awkward. I was kind of still in my post-grad years where I wasn’t sure of my identity yet, and I think that the way that I dressed and presented myself suggested that to whoever was looking. I had pretty bad skin still, and didn’t know what I was doing with my hair or makeup in the least. It took me a few more years to figure this stuff out: I’m feeling pretty good about it these days, finally.
I had never switched before, and still didn’t really understand the social parts of bottoming, either. Roleplay and play punishment were still brand new things to me, and I was straight up uncomfortable with the idea of bratting. Asking people to play? That was a little much for me! Saying no to someone who asked me? That also wasn’t happening. I didn’t go to The Dark Party my first year because the idea of possibly witnessing sexual play made me nervous. I don’t remember if there was a little’s party or not at my first TASSP, because if there was, I definitely avoided it. I had not yet embraced that side of myself in the least, and was working hard to repress it.
And now? Look at how I’ve grown! I felt so in my element this weekend, whether I was bottoming, Topping, roleplaying, age-playing, giving a presentation or running an event. Like many people, I had my moments where I got overwhelmed and emotional, but I had my friends there for me, and these problems were quickly straightened out so we could all get back to enjoying the weekend. It’s hard for me to believe that three years ago, I was as meek as I was.
I see these changes in many of the friends that I first met at my first party, too. Years in the scene have helped us to find ourselves, and the friendship and support we’ve found there have helped us to grow confident. We’ve slowly been shaking off the years of shame and repression that we felt when hiding our kinks, and when we could feel safe being ourselves, we’ve truly flourished. It’s a beautiful thing to see.
The scene itself has grown and developed, too. It’s a slow process, but things are growing more diverse and accepting. This party was probably the most diverse one I’ve ever attended. There was a lot of racial diversity, people of a good mix of (18+) ages, lots of both seasoned party goers and newbies, those who were local and those who came from far away, people who are spanko purists and those from the greater BDSM scene who share our love of smacking ass, lots of LGBTQ people. I hope this trend continues to grow. It makes me so sad to think that there are people who worry they won’t be accepted in the spanking scene because of another aspect of who they are.
Dates tend to mean a lot to me, so celebrating my third years of parties by partying hard with lots of amazing people was definitely great. I can’t wait to see what the next three years bring me. I’m so ready.
Whew! The past week or so has been a whirlwind!
I just got back from my second spanking party, Chicago Crimson Moon, a few days ago, and I’m currently in Los Angeles.
I left Sioux Falls for Chicago on Thursday of last week. I hadn’t been feeling great for a few days leading up to it, and I felt so lousy in the morning that I almost didn’t want to go to the party, but I rallied and thought about all the fun and excitement waiting for me and I made it to the airport. The flight from Sioux Falls to Chicago was incredibly easy, and before I knew it, I was at the hotel. The excitement picked up for me when I got to meet Betty Crocker, with whom I’ve talked online quite a bit. We then ran into Morgan, and he let us hang out in his suite while he went on airport runs. From the pre-party time, Morgan’s suite was full of epic win, since Betty and I were hungry and he already had it stocked with snacks. I then got cleaned up and got into hanging out with people as they showed up.
Soon, a group of friends had assembled. My good friend, Missbehavin Megan was kind enough to put my hair into french braids for me. I’m not able to do anything even remotely fancy with my hair, and it was very cute indeed, so I was quite pleased with this. I also really enjoy having my hair played with, and having it styled gives me the same kind of “nice” feeling.
Later, I watched TNSpanker unpack his implement bag. He’s found some amazing pieces at antique stores, which kind of blows my mind. I’ve never found anything spanking related at an antique store, although I did get the famous Trout Paddle and a very vicious spagetti measuring device (I’d take a photo, but I’m not at home as I write this, and I have very few implements in my traveling bag with me and that’s not one of them) from the thrift store. Still, there’s nothing impressive about Trout compared to a vintage cat-‘o-nine! I guess Tennessee is just a great place to buy spanking stuff, or something! Then, having that wonderful sense of self preservation which I am so known for, I made it known to TNS that I’d never been spanked with a Jokari paddle, and he was ever so kind as to do that for me. I don’t know why a Jokari would be worse than other sorts of wooden paddles, but it seemed that way to me. It could be partially a mind-game: the whole collective entity of spanko bottoms are being subjected to mind-games about various implements all the time, because there’s this general idea that certain things suck, so we psyche ourselves up for them to deliver on their expected hurt and so they do.
None the less, the Jokari was rated as “I’m glad that we don’t own one of these” and my spanking with it was mercifully short compared to what it could have been, although certainly long enough that I really felt it.
A little later, my group of friends headed to dinner at a restaurant right near the hotel where the party was held. We had a very good meal, although the waitress declined to sing to Megan, despite the fact that I told her that it was her birthday, which is just bad form, in my opinion. It was her birthday(ish)! They should have brought her a cupcake and sang loudly to her. But the food was quite good, and the margarita which I was talked into getting was most enjoyable. When the waitress was taking care of us near the end of the meal, one of the members of the party commented that some noise sounded like “whipping.”
“Oh!” the waitress exclaimed, “it’s probably coming from the hotel over there. They’re having a whipping party this weekend!”
“Oh, really?” we all asked, without anyone giving it away that we WERE the “whipping party.”
“Yeah, I had another table earlier where they were TOTALLY OBSESSED with spanking!” she told us. We just laughed and joked about how unusual that was, although many significant glances were exchanged. As I got up to leave, she noticed that I had on a plaid skirt and added “You’d fit right in with that school girl skirt!” as I headed for the door. This made me blush quite furiously indeed.
I’m pretty sure that it was after dinner that I met up with James and Korey, an awesome couple who I had met very briefly at TASSP and who were amazing enough to let me and Zoey share their room. I really got to know them over the course of the weekend and had some fun conversations with them. They’re pretty much winners. They gave me my room key and let me get my stuff moved from Megan’s room to the place where I was going to be staying.
After that, it was time for the new member orientation, which I attended, since this was my first Crimson Moon party. At this event, I got to meet a lovely girl whose screen name is Whenshewasgood, who I spent lots of the party hanging out with, and her equally lovely boyfriend. Just like I found a group of younger people at TASSP, I was excited by the amount of young, freshfaced spankos were in attendance at CCM. There were actually people who were just eighteen years old exactly. The fact that there were also people in their late 60’s (or perhaps even 70’s, I’m not sure) in attendance at this party made the whole thing seem very special to me: there were literally people from all walks of life, all ages, backgrounds and levels of experience coming together because we are, as the vanilla waitress so perfectly put it, totally obsessed with spanking. I loved the feeling of being a part of something.
Pretty much immediately after the orientation, Mike, one of the organizers of Crimson Moon, took me into one of the little booths that were set up for semi-public play and gave me a spanking. It was one of those nice, long lasting hand-spankings, and although I whimpered and squirmed quite a bit, I really enjoyed it. We planned to get together for a longer scene later, but because we were both quite busy people, that never came to fruition. There’s always October for that, and I have no complaints regarding the scene that we did have! There really is nothing in the world like an OTK hand-spanking. It left me feeling warm and snuggly.
Even later that evening, there was a Naughty School Girl Party, which was similar to the event from TASSP. I participated in this one quite a bit more than last time, since I knew more people in the event and it was less enormous. I hadn’t really planned ahead for ways to be bratty in order to gain the teachers’ attentions, and I didn’t have any “bratting equipment” so to speak, but I made do: my primary method of doing this involved selling out other girls for their bratting, which resulted in them receiving spankings as well as me getting corrected for being a tattletale. This was most fun, especially because it was so far removed from my day-to-day character. I later adopted a second technique, which involved making fun of Angel (littleanglewings). She was one of the “prefects,” and I told her that she only got her position because her (scene) father, Yoni, was one of the teachers. She spanked me for questioning the authenticity of her post and its deservedness, which was a lot of fun. She’s a great spanker, which sort of surprised me, seeing as she’s kind of a small and diminutive girl. I didn’t learn my lesson, though, because I then made fun of her for being adopted (something which one really only can get away with in a situation such as this one: in the real world, that would be tremendously mean and I wouldn’t do such a thing).
I also ended up accusing Sarah Gregory of being inappropriate as a prefect, as well: something to do with her being too sexy for school, I think, and I got spanked by her for the first time. That was also a lot of fun: it’s always exciting to finally be spanked by someone after having been aware of them for a long time. Finally, at the end of the party, we all lined up to get spanked by each of the teachers. I stole Ten’s idea from TASSP and positioned myself at the very end of the line, so that the Tops would all be tired out by the time they got there. This didn’t really work: Miss Chris and Yoni, especially, really gave me smacks that I felt! We took lots of photos during and after this event, but I haven’t gotten any of them from Sarah yet, so I’ll be posting those at a later. In the meanwhile, here are the pictures that I took of myself whilst getting ready, because I’m like that:
|White panties are the best for spanking!|
After this event, I hung out in the various party suites until the end of the night, doing the usual spanking party things: getting spanked, talking to friends and being kinda ridiculous. I started to bond with some people, and had a wonderful sense of being cared about and looked after when at one point I started to feel overwhelmed by being at a party all by myself, but a friend took me aside and made sure that I was alright. I honestly don’t remember anything else which happened on the first night. I know that Mila and Zoey all showed up eventually, and that Ten and Drlectr did not: they were delayed a day, much to my dismay because I had been waiting to pounce them. All in all, the first night was just great, and this was mostly driven by how wonderful all the people who were in attendance were. Sure, there were people that I missed: first and foremost, I would have loved it if Malignus could have been there with me, and I missed Heather a lot, and I consistently tried to figure out where Pandora’s room was, which didn’t work because the answer to that question was “in England.” Still, I was able to just focus on how freaking great it was to be there with the people who were there, to make new friendships with new people and strengthen the older ones, and to enjoy being myself among people who appreciate me for what I am.
More soon: I’m not going to promise that I’ll update tomorrow, as I’m presently in Los Angeles and I’m a very busy girl while I’m here. I’ll do it ASAP!
For the past several months, one of my all-time best friends (and fellow spanking model), Heather Michaels, has lived with Malignus and I. There have been a lot of awesome times and adventures during that time. My sisters in my family of origin are both considerably older than me and also suffer from a condition known as “being total bitches” so I never had a close relationship with them, but Heather has always been exactly like what I imagine a sister is supposed to be. It doesn’t matter what we’re supposed to be– she’s part of the family that I chose for myself.
Unfortunately for me, but on a very exciting note for her, Heather left Sioux Falls on Friday to move to Texas with her boyfriend, who had been out of the country for work since before they started dating. Malignus and I took her to the airport to pick him up and got to meet him for the first time. He’s a really awesome guy and I’m very happy for them. Unfortunately, pretty much as soon as we got to the airport, I started to get a fairly severe migraine, so I sort of shook his hand, went home, threw up a bunch and then curled up in the bed and died for the rest of the night.
The next day, I was supposed to go to work and then the four of us were supposed to go to the other side of the state to visit various sites including Bear Country USA. The list of the happiest days of my life include when I got spanked for the first time, when I entered University (I find this to be happier than my graduation because the fact that I had to leave the college after graduating was pretty tragically heartbreaking for me so that was very bittersweet) and the day that I spent at Bear Country in August with Malignus. We also went there recently for the Cub Festival, where they didn’t actually let me hold the cubs but they did let me pet them and I kissed one when no one was looking.
Anyway, I was so sick that I decided out of my own free will that I needed to stay home for the weekend instead of driving out to see all these awesome things (read- baby and adult bears). It’s no wonder that originally, Malignus wanted me to stay with friends who live closer to the hospital before I convinced him that I was going to be alright!
EVEN MORE sad than the fact that this meant I didn’t get to see bears is the fact that this meant that I didn’t get to have a weekend to say goodbye to Heather. I spent last weekend at Sternwood with her, but without the idea that she’d be leaving soon at the front of my brain. I already miss her like crazy and it’s only been a day and a half since she left.
I wanted to take a moment to celebrate this very special woman who I’ve been very fortunate to have in my life.
Heather is very sweet and she cares about the people in her life with a sense of devotion that is rare and beautiful.
She’s energetic and can really get behind having a good adventure. I love hearing her say “YES! Let’s do that!” when we’re brainstorming ideas for ways that we can have fun or do something cool.
Our minds are very in-tune when it comes to our spanko nature, and we can’t go anywhere without finding things that could be used as implements.
Heather is strong without being threatening. I’ve never felt like she was going to punch someone in the face, but she carries herself with a sense of confidence which makes it undeniable that you shouldn’t fuck with her. (She did tell a hippy to shut up on a plane once, though. That was for the win.)
Heather is fun to very nearly get into trouble with in real life (oh look! We somehow got everything done at the last minute!) and to get into lots of “for fun” trouble with during shoots.
Heather is fun to get spanked with and her reactions are very powerful and genuine and also kind of cute. She’s a fun Top when we play that way, even if she hasn’t developed a great sense of rhythm yet. 😛
I think that she could probably run from South Dakota to Texas and be just fine, because she’s crazy athletic.
Heather is a really beautiful woman. It’s clear to everyone that looks at her that physically, she’s a knock out, but to me, the more important beauty comes from her positive energy and the fact that she can’t hide what a good person she is.
I know we’ll be seeing each other before too long, and we’ll be in each other’s lives forever. My love and affections for her could not be more genuine and I know that distance won’t diminish them.
I haven’t had a whole lot going on recently (as mentioned in my previous post). This is largely due to some health issues and other personal stressors that have been present in my life recently. Bit by bit, those things have been getting squared away and I’m back to feeling like myself on a daily basis and doing those cool human things like eating, sleeping and not feeling sick. w00t.
The level of excitement rose rather greatly, though, because Heather and I left for Northern California to do a shoot for Spanking Court’s new project: Sternwood Academy. The traveling wasn’t entirely easy: we weren’t able to get any sort of direct flight from South Dakota to NorCal so we ended up zigzagging around the country a bit, but I was very glad to have Heather with me on my three flights. As is often the case, having her around made something that might be a bit of a drag into a good time.
We arrived in Reno and got picked up and driven to studio in Lake Tahoe. I met two of the other models that I was working with this weekend, Cheyenne Jewel and Ela Darling in the car. They’re both super sweet and a lot of fun to hang out with. I knew that Ela and were a good match when we were talking about how to cry on command and she said that she just needed to think about Snape and Lily.
|I honesty don’t think/talk about this very much because it chokes me up so much.|
Then she showed me this video and I was smitten. 😀 I could really go on about how I think that everything about Ela’s brain is sexy, but I think you guys get it.
Getting into my uniform for the shoot was one of the most exciting moments of my life. I know it sounds stupid, but a world which combines formality, academia, cuteness and spanking is pretty much a world that was built for me. It’s true: when I got dressed, Dana Kane told me that I was born to wear the uniform.
|Heather and I in our messy dorm room!|
I’ve worn lots and lots of school uniforms before, mostly ones that I’ve assembled piece by piece from things I found online or at the thrift store, but being twinsies with a bunch of other smart, beautiful women was just over the top awesome.
The weekend was A LOT of shooting. This isn’t a problem for me because the point at which I get burned out from being spanked too much is something that scientists can only theorize about. I actually ended up creating an extra scene in which I get spanked with Katerina of Spanking Ms. Cali after class because I’ve always wanted to be spanked with her ever since I first met her at Spanking Court. That was a ton of fun. Heather and I also did our first ever professional video together! That was extremely exciting!
|I love this girl with my ENTIRE heart!|
We also had several scenes in which all the Sternwood girls get spanked in a row, which was pretty intense and fun to shoot. Getting to pass notes and screw around in class was out of character for me, but something I could totally get behind.
I don’t want to go to deeply into what, exactly, we shot (because I want you to buy the DVD when it gets released!) but it’s all very fun stuff that’s made by spankos and for spankos. I personally don’t usually enjoy watching my content, but I’m excited to see how the classroom looked through the camera. It’s got to be pretty freaking awesome.
|From left to right: Cheyenne Jewel, Ela Darling, Alex Reynolds (THAT’S ME!) and Heather Michaels|
In the evenings and other spare time, I got a lot of chances to talk to Miss Dana Kane (because we were staying in the same apartment) and this is something that I’m really glad that I got to do. She’s a really remarkable woman. She’s incredibly smart, talented at what she does, clever, hilarious, fun and amazingly kind. She’s also hella beautiful and she carries herself with an amount of confidence I’ve rarely seen a woman pull off. She’s one of the few people I’ve interacted with who presents herself with no apologies or shame regarding her femininity. In other words, she’s simultaneously a woman and a total badass and is entirely unapologetic for that, despite what our society teaches us about what we should be. I really aspire to be as awesome as she is.
On the second day, once I was feeling very in my element indeed, I asked Dana if she would spank me harder during our scenes and she happily agreed to that. Spanking videos are easier for me to film if I’m actually getting the hell smacked out of me because that’s my most pure and natural state of being. I got genuine tears going a couple of times during the weekend, but a lot of that was motivated by the happiness of being around a whole bunch of people who were celebrating the stuff that I love that I’d been long taught by my external culture should make me ashamed.
|That and the fact that I was getting hit pretty hard!|
In one of our paired scenes, Dana broke a spoon somewhere between Heather and I. It was Heather’s first broken implement, and we each took a piece that fits together in a sort of spanko friendship heart.
At the end of the weekend, I had a pretty red and sore bottom:
|I’m trying to edit photos in my phone now. Thanks, Japan, for Purikura Apps!|
In all, the experience was epic! I’ve been exhausted recently, but I’ll hopefully be getting more blogging done in the next few days. I’ve got LOTS more news!
Whenever I say “I’ll update tomorrow!” I always end up skipping that day. FAIL. I’m going to fix that problem by only saying that when I actually have the next post banked. Sounds like a plan to me!
The night after I shot with Clare Fonda, I hung out with a vanilla friend who is very dear to me. I mentioned her once before I moved: she used my computer and discovered that I was a spanko, and responded to it by giving me a little gift basket with a hairbrush, a mini-first aid kit and a thing of lotion. She’s such a sweet girl and I really enjoyed seeing her. We “busted a mission” (as the kids like to say) to the local CVS to buy some Bacardi and Coke and came back and drank until tipsy on the roof, looking out at the LA skyline.
The next morning, Christy Cutie came and picked me up and we drove to Santa Ana, which, it turns out, is essentially Mexico except in Orange County. There, we met up with her daddy, Photodave (of Assume the Position Studios, with whom I did my first ever spanking shoot.) and shot a pretty awesome little set of videos. We’re keeping them a secret until they’re released, but they’re A LOT of fun and feature both me and Christy. It was my first time doing a video along with another bottom, and I really like Christy. We have a lot in common: we both like writing, we’re kind of big nerds, we love cute stuff and we both enjoy (blush) spanking fan fiction. Don’t laugh at me. Fan fiction got me through a lot of dark and lonely times!
|I’m halfway to making the Japan Fingers in this photo and halfway to looking like I’m mentally deficient. But Christy is cute!|
Photodave also bought us cakepops, which was my first cakepop experience and it kind of made my life. After the spanking videos were done, and we’d had Mexican food like the folks in South Dakota can’t even dream of and really brightly colored ice cream, I did my very first rope bondage set.
I’m not “into” bondage. It’s not something I dislike, but it’s entirely neutral to me. I did, however, want to be able to add it to my repertoire of things that I’ve experienced and have a few bondage shots in my portfolio. So we did a few quick and straight forward ties and Dave took some pretty awesome photos. I did find it kind of relaxing: it’s entirely passive and very different than the very active mental states that I have when I’m experiencing *my* kink.
That evening, I went to my friends, Epipelagic, Charlie Frown and Rubashov’s apartment for a movie night. I watched extremely little of the movie because I was mostly hanging out with people and laughing and eating delicious food that Epipelagic prepared.
|Sexy woman in the kitchen! Yeah!|
Their housing situation is pretty full of win: Epipelagic is married to Rubashov and Charlie Frown is her boyfriend and the three of them live together in an awesome, poly environment. Epipelagic is kind of my role model in terms of polyamory: she’s probably the most compersive person that I’ve ever known. She always expresses genuine happiness for the things that make her friends and loved ones happy, even if they are in some ways to her personal detriment. I know that she really misses me now that I’ve moved (and I miss her EVERY DAY because she’s amazing) but she consistently expresses joy for me that I know isn’t feigned because I’m doing so well and enjoying my life here so much. It’s very refreshing and being with her and talking to her helps me to stay focused on way that I want to be. Compersion isn’t always natural, and if I deviate from it, it can be hard to retrain my mind to remain focused on the happiness that being happy for others can bring. The time I spent with her reinforced that a lot.
Epipelagic and Rubashov have a cat who is really shy and cute. He’s super fluffy and I spent a lot of time hanging out with him:
That’s all for today. I do not promise that I will post again tomorrow. I probably will, though. 😛
NOTE NUMBER THE FIRST: This entry has a lot of non spanking related photos in it. Know why? Because I’m on vacation. Kthnx.
NOTE NUMBER THE SECOND: Go ahead and play this in the background while reading this blog post. I’ve been kind of humming it to myself for the past few days. 🙂
NOTE NUMBER THE THIRD: The end of this gets mushy. You were warned!
I arrived in Los Angeles on Wednesday. R. picked me up from the airport and drove me back to my old apartment. It was lovely to be back in a place that was so familiar to me for a long time. I had an immediate sense of belonging as we took the Chinatown exit and R. slapped my thigh with gentle excitement. I was overjoyed to get to cuddle my kitties again, too. It’s hard to have a long distance relationship with a pet. 🙁
|Gizmo DID miss me! He snuggled me from the first minute I walked in the door!|
We spent some awesome time “catching up” and visiting and then went to a favorite Japanese restaurant in my old Little Tokyo stomping ground. Before the meal, R., Zeki, and I played a game of hangman. Those two know me pretty well: they got mine without missing a single letter and it wasn’t even in real English.
I went into the market there and checked out things that were once common parts of my life, but because I’d been away from them and living in a culture where they are not normal, had become novelties. I took photos like a tourist in the place where I once did my grocery shopping. I was jumping around with joy as I remembered just how common place adorable things are in Los Angeles.
|The amount of cuteness just overwhelmed me!|
|I DIDN’T buy a Hello Kitty Bunny Ice Cream Cone keychain because I’m trying to spend money like an adult!|
|I did, however, decide that I’m going to go back for eye makeup that’s specially formulated to run when you cry. It seems like a worthy investment in my line of work. This package advertises that it produces “120% More Tears!”|
|Engrish is even MORE AMUSING than it was before!|
I spent Thursday with Maddycake and had a wonderful time. Los Angeles is having beautiful weather and the plants know that it’s spring:
We went to the zoo where we ate kettle corn and saw the only bear in Los Angeles.
|I mostly took this photo for Heather, because she loves elephants!|
We had a lot of awesome conversations and shared feelings about spanking, modeling and submission. I love being with people who can relate to me on those levels and getting a variety of viewpoints. I also just love Maddy because she’s the greatest.
I know it probably makes me sound a bit whiny, and it’s surely a First World Spanko Problem, but I really miss Malignus. I feel a lot of nostalgia for the time when I first met him and we lived halfway across the country from each other. I don’t mean that I preferred the way that things were back then, or that I even miss it, but I feel a warm happiness at the memory of a time which was very different but also very good and extremely influential to my life. I did, however, have a “you can’t go back” kind of moment: the particular corner in my old bedroom (since R and Zeki still live in the apartment that we shared, but with different roommates) which I spent a considerable amount of time in under Malignus’ will now has an L shaped desk in it. I wanted to go back into the space where I did a lot of thinking, learning and developing. Since I was unable to do so, I ran over many greatly influential moments in my mind. I learned long ago that a thing or a place does not hold memories: one does in oneself.
Being here, though, makes me very aware of the path that our relationship took and makes me both proud and happy that things came to the place where they are now. Sometimes, I get bogged down in our work schedules and the dirty dishes and things that need to get done and the small conflicts that inevitably take place when one lives with another person.I don’t lose sight of how important my relationship with Malignus is, nor how much we love and mean to one and other, but I occasionally need to take a step back to be reminded that I’m living my dream life when it comes to the really important stuff. Being given, essentially, a tour of my previous life reminds me of the growth and changes that have occurred in the past year and a half.
Honestly, in nearly every way, Los Angeles is superior to Sioux Falls. The ways in which it is not are pretty simple: the price of things and the traffic. Being in LA has made me aware of all the things that I miss from here: In-N-Out Burger, a variety of Dungeons, kink groups and BDSM stores, cheap and delicious ethnic food, the Pacific Ocean, the fog making Malibu Canyon into another world, Amoeba Records, a wide variety of people who have read the books I’ve read and wish to discuss them, Archlight Theaters, Little Tokyo, hot girls in bohemian dresses, beautifully crafted tattoo work, creperies, cup cake shops, gourmet food trucks, four Sanrio Smiles stores in one city, pretty much every store ever, the Santa Monica Promenade, gay bars, rock clubs, organic burger places, the Gold Line train and the Chinatown flea market. The list goes on and on. Los Angeles is pretty freaking amazing (if hella expensive!). When I’m catching up with friends and meeting those who joined my cliques while I was away, I’m always getting asked why I moved to South Dakota and whether or not it was worth it.
I look around at all this stuff, all this glittery and gloriously entertainment, the libraries full of books, the museums full of paintings and photographs, the parks and the theme parks.
Am I happy without all this? Yes.
I’m amazingly happy to visit Los Angeles and would love to do so frequently. But at the end of the day, I’m looking forward to getting back to a place where I can drive without worrying about causing an accident that kills 80 people, where I can afford to go to dinner and a movie without feeling guilty about spending so much money, and far more importantly, where I’m with Malignus nearly every day. Spending my days with him and Heather is a greater joy than I ever expected to know.
I realized that I left a very important announcement off my blog: Heather came back!
In case you haven’t been following along, Heather is one of my best friends and a fellow spanko bottom. I met her through Malignus over fetlife, and she was actually the first person outside of LA that I met from the internet when we visited her in Northern California on my way back from visiting a girlfriend up there. The two of us got along swimmingly, and a friendship that I hope I’ll have for the rest of my life was born. She came to LA to help me move to South Dakota, and because of changing situations in her life, she ended up staying out here with Malignus and I for two months. Now she’s back, and she’ll be with us for a few more months. It’s VERY nice having her here. We have a lot of fun together, she helps me with girl stuff, we get spanked together and we decided to start making videos together.
Long before I ever thought I’d be a spanking model, Heather and I made a video in which she spanked me with celery stalks. It was the first video of a spanking I was ever involved in. We did this because it was a weird train of connections and inside jokes and we’re just strange girls like that. We’ve since then talked quite a bit about other videos that we could make that included strange implements. You have to remember that the two of us go through pretty much any store and find things that we think could be used to spank someone. It’s like a hobby for us.
From these ideas, we created the idea for “Does This Hurt?!” It’s a mini-series of free spanking videos in which Heather and I will spank each other with strange pervertables to see which ones hurt and which ones don’t. We’ve only filmed the first episode thus far, but you can expect things ranging from the “almost normal” to the “0_0” (but nothing gross. Don’t worry!)
Our first video is entitled “Trout” and features a cutting board which was purchased at a Sioux Falls area thrift store. I can’t tell you why, but I think that it is the most freaking hilarious thing ever. I can’t stop saying the word “trout.”
Please enjoy the first video. We’re aiming to release one per week.
This post is, as my holiday and special occasion posts tend to be, slightly belated. Oh well! Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Blogland!
St. Patrick’s Day is a holiday that I primarily stopped celebrating after I graduated from college. In Los Angeles, I first lived in an extremely hispanic neighborhood, then in Chinatown. Not a lot of Irish going on in those parts. I also greatly decreased the amount of getting excessively intoxicated that I was up to after graduation, and what kind of fun can be had on St. Patrick’s day without getting totally plastered?
The answer is spanking fun. The whole thing started with a shirt that scotchgrove got me which reads “Spank Me I’m Irish.” To get the question out of the way before I get into it, I’m only a quarter Irish. The rest of me is English, Polish and Panamanian. I’m still Irish enough to get spanked for it, as far as I’m concerned! This is my second spanking related t-shirt. This one, however, is plain looking enough that scotchgrove encouraged me to wear it in public. I set my mind on doing so.
On Friday I had the day off from work. Malignus left me with a list of things to do, which I affirmed that I would accomplish. I then took a nap (because my sleep schedule had remained disturbed) and when I got up and got ready, I decided it would be a good time to take some photos with the t-shirt and a pair of St. Patrick’s Day panties that I picked up. I set up my laptop’s camera and did a mini photoshoot in the bedroom by myself. I then figured out how to make a photo collage online.
Shortly after I completed this, there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find the UPS man standing there with a very long box. There aren’t nice things that come in boxes like that. Besides, scotchgrove had been threatening me with more murder-presents (horrible implements as gifts) for a while. The title of this post gives away what was in said long box: it was a sjambok of my very own. It was hard to be appreciative.
Now, as a general rule, I don’t talk about disciplinary things on my blog unless they’re part of a larger point. This is because I don’t want to glorify my bad behavior (or sometimes even share something like that publicly) and because discipline is a very private and personal part of my life. I’m going to deviate from that standard for a bit because this story is entertaining and very worth sharing.
Imagine that you’re a girl in a D/s or DD relationship (perhaps you needn’t imagine at all!). Now imagine that you’ve just received the worst implement imaginable as a gift when you were at home waiting for your partner to return from work. You have a set of things you are expected to get done. What would you do?
If you have half a brain and don’t like getting hit with sjamboks, your response would probably be something along the lines of “get my chores done before doing anything else.”
scotchgrove described the situation the best when I told him ex post facto: “For such a smart girl,” he told me, “you can be pretty stupid sometimes.”
I figured I could spend more time on the internet and talking on the phone and doing other unnecessary stuff before I needed to get everything done. It’s not a good skill to have, but I am kind of a pro at hustling chores out at the last minute.
|That’s pretty much me.|
My confidence got the best of me and I ended up wasting the day away. I was still at the grocery store when Malignus got home from work. Going to said store was the first thing from my list of chores that I had done all day.
On the way home, my brain could pretty much be documented like this:
My powers of deduction and ability to predict events were rather flawless. Upon my return home, I promptly confessed that I had not completed my chores, and Malignus promptly provided me with clearly required discipline using (SURPRISE) my brand new sjambok.
To my credit, I lay still through the approximately 20 strokes I received like a boss. I guess that’s not really to my credit: it’s not that hard to submit to something when you know that you were REALLY dumb and REALLY deserve it.
None the less, I was clearly extremely contrite when my correction was complete:
Meanwhile, Heather and I were inspired by my little photoshoot and decided to do something that we’d long talked about but never actually done: start making videos. Heather went out and got us matching green panties. I dug out all our green implements. We both found green t-shirts. We had a plan and we were ready to execute it the next day.
On St. Patrick’s Day proper, we filmed a series of three videos that have our “signature” lighthearted, friendly nature to them. We’re still getting used to making videos, so there are some imperfections, but all in all, I think you’ll enjoy them. Here they are:
I want to add that this is my first experience uploading things on spankingtube. I was pretty intimidated because I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about people being assholes on that site, but so far I can’t complain about how we’ve been received. I’d be down with higher ratings on my videos, but I know that they aren’t perfect either.
A couple more stories from the party, then tomorrow, we move on to other topics in Spankingland. Besides the sjambok, another one of the “scary” implements that was brought to the cabin was TNSpanker’s cricket bat. I was offered a go at being hit with it on the first night, but, as previously mentioned, I was liquored up and I’m not permitted to play with people I don’t know when I’ve been drinking . This rule is especially important when the fact that I’m a lightweight (in terms of alcohol) is considered. Because of this, I only drank on the first night, and on the second night, I was ready to experience the cricket bat. It had to be located first, because apparently my request to be hit with horrible things interfered with some of the other girls’ plan to hide horrible things. I wasn’t given that memo and ended up getting them (mainly Megan) in a boatload of trouble later on. Anyway, TNS hit me with the cricket bat a few times and it was kind of awesome. It was just thud, and the thrill of being hit with a large, blunt object hadn’t gone away just because I’d been beaten with a tree earlier in the day. I actually really enjoyed it. Then Malignus hit me with it three times and I screamed a lot. Then he hit my thigh with it and I think I stopped having bones for a minute and collapsed into a pile of mush on the back of the couch until he hugged me back to life. Don’t worry: the whole thing happened under a doctor’s supervision. The risk of SBD was managed!
Yep: I uploaded the same photo twice. You guys can deal. Anyway, the cricket bat was like a paddle that had been taking the same drugs that the cane that grew into the sjambok took. When I told Serious_Face that I’d been spanked with one, he was a combination of excited and pissed. Apparently it was something he’d always fantasized about doing to a girl but had never actually done because he thought it was “too extreme.” It’s not, by the way. It’s extremely scary and extremely awesome, but not “too” anything.
Later that night, I went downstairs with Drlectr to have a quiet conversation (because there was a lot of spanking going on in the main room and spanking distracts me quite a bit when I’m trying to talk) and it ended with me asking him to spank me. It was an incredibly nice scene. I think about it and my eyes get kind of glossy for a second before I say “it was niiiiiiiice.” It was fairly long (I think: I lose track of time pretty quickly under these circumstances) and it was all hand-spanking on my bare bottom, which is my favorite of all possible things. He was really good at what he did: he varied speed and tempo and intensity in a way that made me simultaneously relaxed, happy and chock full of endorphins.
Most spanko girls who hang out with me have probably heard me bitch about the fact that I don’t usually experience the endorphin side of things unless I’m getting positively murdered, and even then, I don’t have a traditional subspace experience. I did once after Malignus gave me an extended hand-spanking after I’d had a very thorough spanking indeed a few hours earlier, and another time, I got kind of “high” from a fairly gentle spanking and walked around with a pillow in my mouth after like that was normal. But my normal experience involves me crying and wailing a lot during a spanking and only feeling typical “good” feelings while basking in it afterwards. This time, things lined up right so that I got a lot of endorphines. A lot. I made a lot of noise during the spanking, but it was pretty much just moaning. I’d imagine that it sounded pretty sexual to anyone listening. It wasn’t sexual for me, but I don’t really have a word for what it was. It was really, really enjoyable. It hurt in a way that didn’t feel like pain, even though I was aware that I was in pain. I drifted and had a very loose connection with my body and with reality. It was very lovely indeed.
At the end of the day, I was very sore and very warm and happy.
Malignus gave me a bedtime spanking shortly thereafter which only heightened my snuggly spaciness. There was only one thing not right with the world as I fell asleep with my head against his chest: the next day, ellee and YS were leaving. We were all technically supposed to be leaving, but Drlectr and Megan had arranged for us to have the cabin for an extra night and quite a number of us were staying.
The next morning, I slept in pretty late. It was glorious: I’d been a little sick this entire time and I’d had trouble sleeping. I even slept through Malignus giving ellee a fairly hardcore caning not that far outside my door. I’ve clearly made some progress with being freaked out by hearing other people being spanked. 😛 Soon, the reality that ellee and YS were going home soon was being drilled into me by YS scolding ellee to get her stuff ready and into the car. SAD! There was something that I wanted to do before ellee was tragically pulled from me by circumstance.
ellee is really good at comforting. One of the nights I had a temporary episode of “teh sad” and I ended up crying to her about something (once in a while, I can be a woman. Sue me.) and I was kind of amazed by how awesome she was at making me feel better. When she was hugging my head and being a warm and affectionate presence, I was able to quickly cope with the stuff that was making me have said sad and get back to being all happy-faced. So, once I was awake, I asked Malignus to quickly do a science experiment and see if I was well enough to be spanked (between the soreness and the sickness). This science was conducted with that big-ass spoon in the above photo, which is named Fluffy!® I was really, really sore: about halfway through, Malignus asked me if I wanted him to spank my thighs and I gave a very genuine “YES” that wasn’t driven by submission in the least. It was because they had gotten much less abuse than my bottom had during that particular weekend. The thigh swats actually hurt A LOT less than the ones on my bottom had, and that’s impressive, because my thighs are very pain sensitive (all that constant hitting hasn’t made them any less) and I still have more self preservation about them than most other parts of my body. The science proved that I was still spankable.
Once that was established, I asked Malignus to give me a spanking like he would at home. As a general rule, he doesn’t give out “real” or “full” beatings at parties: it’s not the right environment for it. Besides, a girl is going to want to play more and doesn’t want to be so sore she can’t move (except maybe me. Because I’m insane like that.) The thing I wanted, however, was for ellee to give me moral support during the spanking. It sounded like it would be awesome. Both Malignus and ellee agreed to this.
|This was hanging in our room in the cabin! So appropriate!|
So, Malignus spanked me crazy hard with a feared and detested wooden spoon named Jenny and ellee snuggled my face and told me what a good girl I was, and how submissively I was taking my beating and how much everyone loved me. It might sound kind of dumb, but it was totally awesome. Her praise and comfort lifted me up and made me want to take more and take it well. I’m not going to lie: earlier today, when I was getting a spanking for saying that we could use magic to turn HeatherFeather’s dog into a cat, I started thinking about that earlier scene and the way ellee made me feel and it helped me to not focus on processing the spanking as it was happening and therefore allowed me to take it with less resistance. Basically: I love ellee and everything to do with her.
Eventually, though, she and YS had to leave. I started suffering from ellee drop right away. Fortunately, there were other awesome people still at the party. It was during this time that I got spanked by Latte. That was very enjoyable and had several particularly cool things about it. For one, she’s left handed. I’ve always wanted to be spanked by a left handed top. Besides the fun and excitement in something being different and in facing the other way while over her lap, there’s the fact that she favored the opposite side than everyone else had, which helped to even out the symmetry of things. She was also a very good spanker: she spanked me with “good girl” implements at a nice pace for quite a long time and it was really relaxing and enjoyable. I sometimes mock lighter implements because I’ve always kind of assumed that if someone was going to give a “kind” spanking, they would use their hand. I kind of neglected the fact that most Tops hands eventually become tired and sore. I also sometimes forget that Tops can feel pain. 😛
A little while after Latte had finished spanking me, Megan decided that she wanted to do so as well, and let me know by pulling me over her lap.
|I didn’t know if Megan wanted her face shown or not, and it was late at night so I erred on the side of caution.|
Megan’s spanking alternated between being nice and relaxing and hard and very stingy. You can see in the photo that I’m all kinds of marked up- you can even make out the sjambok bruising on my thighs. She actually made me tear up a little at one point, while making me coo and relax at other points in the same scene. It was all kinds of fun.
That night, we watched the Oscars and The Tree of Life didn’t win anything, so I became sort of irate and yelled quite a bit about how Terrance Malick is a god among men and the politics of the Academy are corrupt and dumb. Also, somehow, this happened:
The next morning, we got up, cleaned out the cabin and then went to take a walk through the surrounding town and get some breakfast. The meal was enjoyable, and the town was adorable! Megan bought me some candy in a chocolate store, we had a really tasty meal, I got to hug this stuffed dog:
|I look kinda awful here. I was pretty sleep deprived and sad that the weekend was ending.|
and I thought this sign was funny:
After sad farewells in the parking lot, Malignus and I hit the road for what turned out to be an 18 hour trip home. Just in case anyone was wondering, an 18 hour car ride isn’t exactly what one wants to do when one has a really freaking sore bottom. Ugggggh. It felt like it lasted forever.
So, I’ve finally finished telling the tale of my adventures. It only took me a really long time! I’m sorry a few days passed between posts because my life got a bit busy, and I’m sorry that this post is so hella long: I wanted to get the rest of the story told in one post like I said I could!
Regular programming begins again tomorrow. Stay tuned!