So, the first month of the year is very nearly over.
First, let’s have some news and updates from my spanking universe.
Basic stuff first:
I’ve been trying to revitalize my spanking news blog, Spanking Wishes, and I am currently posting something on it literally every day. Please go check it out, and give the corresponding twitter account a follow: @spankingwishes.
On the subject of social media, I have been keeping very active on my Tumblr and on Twitter: @spankingland.
I’m active on Fetlife in short bursts, but will be trying to spend more time on the site. I accept all friend requests there, so please feel free to send me one. I also still have a kinky Facebook page, but I’m on that even less frequently. While I have a lot of awesome friends that I primarily communicate with through that site, I also get a ton of sexual harassment over it. I get guys sending me pictures of their genitals on that site far more frequently than on any other. I get called a bitch for not wanting to spend lots of time chatting to total strangers about sex for free. I get people demanding that I give them videos for free because “we’re friends now since you added me on facebook!”
I quickly run out of steam for dealing with this stuff. So, I’ll keep trying, mostly because the spanking romance author community is primarily on facebook and I do want to get more involved in that again, but it’s a struggle for me. If you want to send me a friend request, feel free: just be aware that while I do not post photos that include nudity (including bare bottom photos) on facebook, I post explicitly about spanking pretty much all the time and post links to NSFW material.
The Spanking Awards are going on now, which is always an exciting time!
So far, voting has been opened up in 4 categories.
The first one is Best New Spankee. There were so many new spankees this year that were really amazing, and I’ll be giving a shoutout to a handful of them in a post over Spanking Wishes in the next couple of days (since that’s less about me and more about videos), but the selection in the voting is also awesome. I’m happy to see a bunch of my friends included! I’m particularly proud to see three performers who did their first ever spanking shoots with Paul and I for Northern Spanking in the voting. They’re also three of my favorite girls in general, since I’ve been lucky enough to build close friendships with a lot of the performers that we work with.
So, I’m proud of you guys: Ava Nicole, Linny Lace and Nuna Starks! All three girls deserves awards for being adorable, hard working and taking lots of hard spankings. I love you guys! Plus, a big shout out to my friends Tai and Kenzie, who I haven’t gotten a chance to shoot yet, but really look forward to the day that I do! You girls all kick ass. So, go vote for one of these amazing ladies.
The next is Best New Top, which is a new category this year. I think I may have suggested this at some point, but I don’t know if I actually did or if I just thought about it. But either way, I’m glad that John added this category! Tops don’t get as much love in the spanking video world, to be honest, but we literally couldn’t make videos without them (or, we could just make self spanking, which would get boring really quickly). Plus, after having spent a lot of time on both sides of the the paddle in videos, I feel like it’s more important that a Top does an excellent job than almost any other person involved in video production. You have to be physically accurate and you need to be able to carry yourself with authority and have believable scolding going on. So, yes, love to Tops. Tops everywhere.
In this category, one of my favorite “new” Tops is up for voting: Princess Kelley May! I say “new” as Kelley has a ton of experience as a Top and had done a little bit of it on camera before her return to the screen, but she definitely made a splash when she came back after having been away for a long time. Plus, her shoot for Northern was her first time shooting for a membership site.
Anyway, Kelley is an absolutely great Top. I love the way she scolds and I love the way that she spanks. Besides, she’s totally gorgeous and always has PERFECT HAIR. I’ve been trying to get her to teach me her secrets for years but I think I’m just not destined to have perfect hair.
The other lady I adore in this category is my girl Adriana Evans. As I mentioned in my previous post, Adriana and I have become very close in the past year or so. I love her so much and miss her all the time!
Adriana is also a great Top. I love being spanked by her, although our spanking play often ends up taking a somewhat different direction due to the nature of our relationship… 😉
The next category is Best Facial Expression. I’ve come in the ranking for this before, but I’ve never won it and I would really love it if you would vote for me and make that happen! Think of all the times that I’ve had my face covered with tears and I’ve looked truly pitiful during a spanking. Think of how much eye cream I have to use because I’m always scrunching my face up in pain and agony and I don’t want to get fine lines out of control. Think of the fact that I’ve literally popped my jaw out of alignment because I was biting a pillow too hard when screaming and wailing. (The photo above is a screenshot from Spanking Blogg’s listing about me. You can’t actually click the links. I tried. It’s my own post. Siiiiiigh)
My campaign promises are more hard spankings producing more pathetic sad faces from me. I guarantee it.
The most recently opened category is Best Male Top. My most beloved, very favorite Top on Earth is up for voting in this category. Surprise, it’s Paul!
Honestly, Paul deserves an award just for putting up with my massive amounts of nonsense on a daily basis. But he also does an absolutely fabulous job in videos. He gives hard spankings, he gives perfect canings, and he doesn’t have a gross ego about it. He’s just the best. You should vote for him. :3
So, that’s where we are so far with the Spanking Awards. Remember that you can vote once per device, so if you use the internet from your laptop, desktop, iPad and phone… then you can vote four time. Juuuuuuust saaaaying!
I’m going to start a second post that tells you about what else I’ve been up to this month, but I’ll finish this one with some upcoming news.
I’m going to be on the road a lot coming up!
I’m heading to the UK in the start of February. I’m sorry to tell you guys that this time, I am NOT going to be available for shoots and sessions while I’m abroad. I’m only actually going to be over there for six days, and it is my plan to spend as much of that time as possible just hanging out with my friends and having a much needed kick back.
That said, for those of you who want to do sessions with me in London or elsewhere in the UK, I’ll be over for an extended period of time in August. Make a preliminary mark on your calendars, and feel free to shoot me an email and inquire about details whenever it suits you. I’ll be available to both give and get hard spankings, plus I’ll likely be able to do 2-2-1’s with some of my lovely British friends, as well. But that’s a long way off. I just want to make sure you guys know that my choice not to work while I’m over this time isn’t a permanent change. I just kinda need a holiday. It’s going to be the best.
Later in February, I’ll be heading to Palm Springs for some fun and adventures. (I’m fully booked for my time there, but if enough people are interested in seeing me in that direction I could certainly come out again later one). I’ve never been there so there’s a lot of fun stuff I’m looking forward to seeing.
Then, near the end of the month, I’m heading to Vegas. I *am* taking bookings for both shoots and sessions while I’m there, so feel free to shoot me an email about that: email@example.com . I am going to see a bunch of friends and have an awesome time while I’m there and I’m just so excited.
And after that, I’m heading to Denver to get to see my dear and darling Amoni. Hopefully I can get her to photograph me again! And what’s a trip to Denver without a visit to one favorite spanking sites that I don’t run? I’ll be getting a bunch of spankings for Real Spankings and Real Spankings Institute while I’m there! If anyone would be interested in seeing me for sessions in that area, please let me know ASAP! I’d love to be able to get together with you during that visit. Email address is above.
So, that’s the basic news. Watch this space for more detailed information about what my life was like in January, coming soon!
Look at me, once again blogging! Surely this can’t be a result of a New Year’s Resolution, right? Just a coincidence? Of course.
I meant to write this post before the year turned, but as things worked out, I was actually away over New Year’s and it was pretty spectacular. I took one of my very rare non-working trips and got to hang out with some very special friends and get close to some new ones. But there’s time to talk about that in later posts (I know you don’t believe me, but I’ll prove it to you!)
For now, I want to talk about my ten favorite video scenes that I did in 2016. I haven’t blogged much at all this past year, so you haven’t necessarily heard about my shooting experiences. I decided that the criteria that I’d use would be scenes that were released in 2016, and that I’d limit myself to one scene per site, just to be fair and talk about a variety of experiences.
So, off we go!
1) Alex Reynolds: Dormitory Discipline, from Triple A Spanking.
So, this first scene that I’ve selected was very much not filmed in 2016. In fact, it’s from early 2013, and it might be the oldest scene of me that hadn’t been released yet.
We filmed this scene the first time that I shot for Triple A, and the first time that I met John. Three years doesn’t seem like a good enough description of how long ago this feels. I remember this shoot very clearly because it was the second time that I ever met Paul: we shot for Northern Spanking (which I was very excited to be hired for as a model) for a first day, and then for Triple A the second.
This was during my second trip to the UK ever, and my first time going there since becoming a spanking model. This was in the time before ATVOD, and I had a very busy trip traveling around the UK (and visiting Holland) to shoot for a huge variety of sites. This tour was exhausting and it happened during a very uncertain time in my life, but it was also a wonderful time, because it was during this trip that Paul and I first got to know each other and fell in love. So, I was very excited to see something else from this set of memories resurface!
The scene itself is very fun, and includes my bottom getting very red indeed. It was the first time I was ever spanked with a carpet beater, and I still remember the unique way that it felt. It’s not heavy at all, but has a spread out sort of sting. Unusual.
Anyway, I’m willing to guess that it’s fun for you guys to see me when I was younger, as well, even if it doesn’t bring up all the same nostalgia!
2) Alex Spanks Tai from Clare Spanks Men
My second scene I’ve picked as a standout for me this year was my first time shooting for Clare Spanks Men. I was partnered with Tai Crimson, who is someone I had known over the internet for a little while and was really looking forward to meeting. Tai is a trans girl and she was playing a male character in this scene.
I loved shooting this scene because this shoot was one where I really felt that I embraced my authority as a Top. Tai has a very high tolerance, so I was able to really go to town with the spanking and got to use some very mean implements. And look at her butt! A+++++
I’m very glad I got the chance to spank her.
This scene was fun: it was based on the idea that Tai and I had become step siblings because our moms had gotten married (a small detail that I appreciated, as it bucked the traditional hetero norms we see a lot in spanking porn, especially since no one treated it in an “OH MY GOD, LESBIANISM” kind of way) and I had taken it upon myself to get Tai to stop being so darn lazy and irresponsible. So very hard spankings were in order!
Honestly, if I had known half the things I know about Tai now then, I would have been a lot crueler. >:)
3) Providing Inspiration from Good Spanking
I picked this scene as a favorite of this year because it fell under the heading of “just a little too real!” The plot? I’m a writer who has a manuscript that she needs to finish, but all she’s doing is screwing around and playing video games. I don’t think that Chelsea (who runs Good Spanking) knew that I even have written spanking novels in the past when she came up with this scene idea, and she definitely didn’t know that it has been over a year since I finished one…
When shooting this scene, I just thought it was funny and a bit uncanny that she came up with a scenario that was so close to my real life. I’m not as naughty as my character is, of course (I’m not writing because I’m traveling for sessions so often and working on Northern and other such projects most of the time instead of playing video games, and the character in the video had been paid in advance, which I am glad to say I was not, haha!) but still. I hope to get back on track with that, as well, in the New Year. It’s just a struggle, since there are so few hours in the day and so many things to do.
Well, in addition to my very real contrition, you get to enjoy my *very expressive spanking face* and see my bottom get nicely reddened. So we all win.
4) The Rematch from Real Spankings
(To be clear, this isn’t the real title of this video. I just don’t know what the real title actually is. If someone tells me, I’ll update it to be accurate. You can find this video pretty easily by selecting me as a model if you’re inside the members area of RS, though!)
So, this scene requires a little bit more backstory. A couple years ago, I was shooting for Real Spankings like I sometimes do. Whenever I do a shoot with RS, I really like to push myself to my limits in terms of pain tolerance. I really like and trust everyone at RS, and I particularly like to get spanked by Michael Masterson. Not “like” in a “oh, this feels nice” kind of way, but like in a “I feel safe to stop worrying about things and really delve into an intense scene and let that be immersive for me” kind of way.
So, when on this shoot a couple years ago, Michael told me that I could decide what we did for the last scene, I told him what I honestly wanted, instead of suggesting something light and playful. I wanted a really hard, no warm up spanking with a Vermont Country Store Bath Brush. I know, no sense of self preservation. The parameters of this scene were discussed, because this is obviously something very intense. In the rare situations where I feel comfortable to play this way, I like to be pushed to cry, so I decided that I would want to be spanked until I cried, and then “quite a while” after that. I came up with a safety signal, in case it went on too long and I truly couldn’t handle it. Then we did it.
I didn’t end up crying during that scene (sometimes, there’s just too much adrenaline for tears) and I didn’t use my safety signal. Michael decided to wrap the scene up because it had been a long day and his arm was tired. I’m not saying this in a bratty way: now that I Top a lot I know how freaking exhausting giving out spankings all day is. Sometimes my arm just can’t take it. And apparently it happens to even the very best of us. But holy wow, that was a hard spanking. I was literally sore for days afterwards. I wriggled and fought and had to be pinned down. It was not my most dignified moment.
Anyway, fast forward to July. I’m in Denver with Princess Kelley, Maddy Marks and Harley Havik, so we can shoot for Real Spankings. I’m happy to be back there, since it’s been a while, and I’m having a great time getting spanked with and by my friends. Plus, we got pizza for lunch and I got to pet Michael’s dog, so really, an all around awesome day.
We’re doing a lot of scenes since there are three bottoms on set, but it comes time for me to do my final scene in which I’m getting spanked that day, and once again, Mike lets me choose. And so, I do what any sane person would do in this situation: I suggest that we should have a rematch and do another scene with the exact same set of parameters as before. This time, to make things more interesting, Maddy and Harley were in the scene watching me be spanked (something which always makes my headspace more intense).
I was already pretty sore from the scenes we had done earlier (including one that I’ll be discussing later) but holy wow, this spanking hurt. Do you ever get an idea which seems like a really wonderful idea in your head, and then as soon as it becomes a reality, suddenly seems like it was really not clever? This is a problem that I have awfully frequently, although it usually involves listening to schemes from friends who are terrible influences on my good behavior (you know who you are). That kind of happened here, although not exactly. I got the level of intensity I very much wanted, I just got shocked by the reminder of how real and intense that is.
I was very in character as a teen girl with an attitude problem as this scene started, and I got very sassy to Michael. The plot was, essentially, that I had been told that I was grounded to the house, or that I could get a spanking. I was wanting to go out with my friends, Maddy and Harley, and I had hoped to get out of the house unnoticed, but Michael caught me and reminded me that if I wanted to go, I was going to have to be punished first. I got way more attitude than I ever would to anyone in my real life, then stormed off to get the bathbrush. I very quickly found myself over Mike’s knee, and then I felt the brush.
That thing just feels like little lightning strikes. It collided with me over and over, and once again, I lost all composure very, very quickly. I was struggling and wailing. Honestly, I was probably just screaming. It was the kind of crying out where my jaw hurt afterwards from me having held it open to make noise for so long. Absolutely zero dignity. But no tears.
I was in the middle of begging: “I’m sorry! I’m sorrrryyyyy! I’ll be good! I promise!” et cetera when very suddenly, the scene came to an end. I was really confused at first, especially because I was basically woozy with adrenaline and endorphins and I literally couldn’t think or walk straight right away. I thought that Michael had thought that I had done my safety signal. In fact, he had been keeping a careful eye on my skin and stopped it because he realized that it wasn’t going to hold up to anymore battery: something I really, really appreciate.
Anyway, to give a stopping point to this long tale, I had a great day, I got spanked really hard and got to push my limits in a way that I wanted to, and I didn’t lose a second time.
This just means that I have to do this again, doesn’t it? Or I can just accept not losing as being almost as good as winning? I’m actually shaking my head at myself.
5) Alex Reynold’s First Spanking Recreation at Spanked Sweeties
A lot of models shoot for Spanked Sweeties when they’re relatively new to the spanking scene, but it took me a long time to get around to it. The set up of their site is that girls are interviewed about their spanking interests and experiences, with a focus on memories of times that they may have been spanked or witnessed spankings. They then do scenes that act our and recreate the spankings that they got or witnessed. Because I didn’t really have any spanking memories until I became an adult, I had never really considered myself a candidate for this site. I was very happy when I found out from my friend The Camera Man who runs the site that they wanted to shoot with me for it, and that we could recreate my first consensual adult spanking experience for the video.
We shot this scene on the same day that I shot with Tai, and she basically played the role of SF, my first ever Top (once again, she was playing a male character). This story is definitely an *adaptation* of my first spanking story. In reality there were about six months between me finding an implement hidden in SF’s drawer and my brining it up to him, and he spanked me OTK with his hand and I cried incredibly quickly (because that was like, the most emotional moment of my whole little life, finally getting my needs met for the first time). But those things aren’t the kind of thing you can really recreate, especially with people who are just meeting each other for the first time. And this scene is very good at capturing the mixed emotions behind my first experiences: relief, mixed with nervousness, mixed with excitement, mixed with pain!
I’ve decided that this post is getting *very* long, and it isn’t anywhere near being done yet, so I’m going to break it up into two sections. Stay tuned for part two!
Woah, I haven’t been around very much recently. Life has been busy. And by busy, I mean way more busy than usual. Positively hectic for the past couple of weeks!
I went to Houston for the Lone Star Spanking Party, where I had a lot of wild hijinks and adventures that I’ll tell you about… soon!
Then I was home for about two short weeks, during which time I had to prepare for another very big and very exciting trip. In fact, I’m writing this post while waiting for my devices to charge and sync so I can have stuff to do on the plane, then I’m gonna hop in the shower quickly so I’m not truly horrible to sit next to, and then I’ll be off!
I’m heading to Texas again, to visit with my friends James and Korey Johnson tonight, then go to the Texas All State Spanking Party tomorrow for the weekend. I LOVE TASSP. It’s gonna be a great group of people there, and I feel so safe and relaxed around them, like I can really be myself without any stress. Besides kicking back and having fun, I’ll be doing some shooting and lots of sessions (there’s still time if you’re in DFW and want to book me last minute, just send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org). Plus, it’s my “partyversary”: TASSP was the first party that I ever attended, in 2012! This will be my fourth party! So, it’s very dear to my heart. Plus, I get to participate in a big, formal, school girl roleplay, which means that I’m taking a step closer to fulfilling my biggest unfulfilled fantasy. *dreamy eyes*
From there, I’m getting on a plane and heading to London! I’m visiting Paul there, and spending some time with Pandora Blake and a few other wonderful people. I can’t believe it’s been over two years since I last visited the UK. It will be so nice to be there in the summer time, too: I’ve only ever visited in February and March in the past. This time it won’t be cold! I mean, it will be cold compared to what I’m acclimatized to for the summer, but I think that’s acceptable. If I wear a jacket all summer, no one will judge me, right?
I spend about three weeks in the UK, and then I fly to Chicago for the Crimson Moon Party! THEN I go back to LA, where my cats will probably hate me for abandoning them with Rafa for so long. I’m going to miss those guys… and all my friends and partners here in LA. This will be the only time I’ve ever gone on a trip this long where I left a place that I felt truly good in. Other times, when I did long travels like this, I was trying to give myself a get-away from a place that I didn’t really want to be. So, that will be a bit different.
I’m going to try to post shorter things more frequently here, and see how that works for me. I think part of the reason that I never make time to blog these days is because doing a long post is such a huge time commitment for me: it takes me hours sometimes! So popping in to tell a quick story or two might be best for a while, until my travels are over, at least.
There are so many people that I can’t wait to see during the next couple of weeks, but of course Paul is at the top of that list. It’s been over five weeks since I said goodbye to him, and I’m so excited to know that in a few days I’ll be in his arms. No post TASSP drop for me! 😀
Oh, one more thing! Yesterday, my story, “Daddy’s Little Angela” was released as a stand alone, so if you didn’t buy the Little Haven collection (or if you did but REALLY want to support my writing) I highly recommend picking that up! I personally think it’s super hot, and that most people who are fond of ageplay will enjoy it. It centers around a girl who ageplays as a middle (much like what I do in real life) but, when she gets in trouble for teasing a sensitive girl in her community who plays at a much younger age, her daddy punishes her severely, and in very embarrassing ways!
This book is less than $4. It’s only available on kindle, but you don’t have to have a kindle to read kindle books: you can download the free kindle app for either your computer or your smart phone. There’s a link on the book’s page on amazon with instructions on how to do this. I’m so grateful to everyone who supports my writing ventures! I have a new book coming up soon, too. I just need to find the time to put the finishing touches on it: perhaps when I’m on the plane!
Ok, I have to get in the shower now or else I’ll be running late, and we all know what happens to people like me when running late! (The answer is spankings, just to be clear!)
Everyone remember last winter when England passed new regulations making the production of spanking, bondage, BDSM and several other kinds of positive, consensual adult videos illegal? It got talked about a lot at the time, and then it stopped being talked about so much. The law remained exactly the same, though, and it continued to effect UK based producers, having huge impacts on their lives.
Those who had to move their sites (or themselves) out of the country because of it have had big, bureaucratic messes and a lot of expenses to deal with. Those who didn’t have that option or who decided that their best choice was to remain in the UK have had even more stress to deal with: the fear of what’s going to happen next. I can’t imagine how much strain it puts on someone to know that the thing they’ve dedicated themselves to, invested all their time, creative energy and money in, has been made illegal and could possibly be taken away from them. It breaks my heart to think about, really.
So, when Pandora Blake and Nimue Allen started a fundraiser to support Backlash-UK, an organization that can offer legal aid to producers who find themselves in court because of these ridiculous regulations, I was glad to help out. I encouraged everyone who enjoys this blog to donate to the campaign, promising to give something back to the community in exchange for your help.
The deal was this: for every £10 donated, one cane stroke would be given. It started out with Pandora and Nimue each taking up to 50 cane strokes each. When those goals were reached, popular spanking and bondage model Amelia Jane Rutherford/Ariel Anderssen (same person, two names) volunteered to take 25 strokes, and Rosie Bottomley signed up for another 50. I was next to volunteer. If another £500 were donated, I’d be taking 50 strokes.
The fundraiser ended up collecting a total of £3,836. For those who don’t know, that’s about $5,700 that was donated in about a month’s time, or 767% of the original £500 goal. I was proud that I’d be getting all the strokes I had signed up for.
I had to wait until Paul got back from the UK to get caned, though, and once he got back, it didn’t happen right away. We we had houseguests, then we went out of town, then I had to shoot a lot of things, both for myself and other sites. Besides, you have to be in a good headspace to take such a severe caning.
Fifty cane strokes is A LOT to me these days. I was excited about what I had agreed to do, but very apprehensive. I could have signed up for a lower maximum, but I wanted to push myself. I do like playing hard, and I actually really like longer scenes, especially once I get into that headspace, but I don’t play that way very often anymore. I often get hung up on worries about marking or leaving myself too sore, or I get caught up in memories of times that weren’t enjoyable when I played hard. Over the past few years, it’s become increasingly harder for me to let go during longer, harder scenes.
So, I was nervous and apprehensive before my caning. Every one of the models who took sponsored canings reacted to the event differently. Most of the others I’ve watched seemed to enjoy it, some made sounds of pleasure, others giggled. I cried, but this wasn’t a bad thing.
Crying has always been a natural reaction to spanking and other corporal punishment for me, and for a long time, a crying headspace replaced a more traditional subspace for me when I was most relaxed during a scene. When the caning started, I was feeling a little nervous and a little shy about it. It hurt. The word that comes to my mind to describe the way that the cane feels is “spongy” which I know is very bizarre sounding. But the pain flexes and bends, swells and grows, like it’s absorbing into the other tissues in my body, welts raising up in a way that makes all of my body awareness focus on them.
I soon discovered that I needed the harsh, pulsing pain that was biting into my bottom. My crying was fueled by pain, but it was also relieving. It was almost therapeutic, like all my frustrations about ATVOD were manifested into something tangible, something that I knew that I could cope with.
Fifty strokes went by much more quickly than I expected it to. While at the beginning I was worried that I would never be able to take that many, I found that by the end I was in a space where I was almost surprised by the ending. Adrenaline and endorphins had kicked in, and despite my tears, I felt very still inside. Paul wrapped me up to cuddle on his lap and all was right with the world.
Doing something that I had, if just temporarily, worried I couldn’t do made me feel more confident about my ability to accomplish other things in my life, too, and gave me a little confidence boost.
So, now you get to watch the video! Click on this link to watch it streaming, or right click to save it to your computer. You’re welcome to reupload it and share it, but please provide credit and don’t re-edit it.
I hope you enjoy it! If you feel inclined to do something to help out, you can donate directly to Backlash-UK by clicking on the link on their page (no one will get caned though, sorry).
You can also support the producers who have been affected by these laws by joining their sites. Some examples include:
Dreams of Spanking, Nimue’s World, Northern Spanking, Restrained Elegance,
Triple A Spanking, Spanking Sarah, English Spankers, Red Stripe Films, Punishment Films,
Sound Punishment, Sarah Spanks Men and many more.
In December, a law came into effect in the UK which made the production of spanking videos, along with a variety of other kinds of porn, illegal. There was a lot of public outcry at the time, and spankos from all over the world offered their emotional support to the UK based producers. People signed petitions. People went to protests.
Then, eventually, things slowed down and, as a community, we generally stopped talking about this. That’s what happens with all political issues: very rarely do we stop actively talking about them because something gets fixed. We stop talking about them because we’ve run out of momentum, or things to say, or ideas of how to get things fixed. Continuing to talk about it, then, makes us feel hopeless. A much worse a reason why we stop talking about things is because we get used to them. We accept that this is simply the way things are. We stop thinking about it.
Unless, of course, you can’t stop thinking about it because it directly affects you. For the average spanko, the law change made us angry or uncomfortable. But for UK based spanking and fetish producers, it changed everything. I don’t know all the producers, and not all of them share what’s going on in their lives online, but here’s a recap of the information that I have right now (if you have more information than I do, please feel free to chime in in the comments section!):
There are other producers in the UK, but I don’t have any updates on how they’re dealing with this issue. If you know any, please add them in the comment section!
Nimue and Pandora announced a little while ago that they’re doing a fundraiser for Backlash UK, an organization that, among other things, provides legal aid for producers affected by the new ATVOD law. The fundraiser started off with a goal of 500 Pounds. For each ten pound donation, one of the two would receive one cane stroke, with a maximum of 50 strokes being received per girl. When the fundraising reached 1000 pounds, the maximum amount of strokes set to be received, Rosie Bottomley stepped up to take the next 50 strokes. When THAT goal was surpassed, Amelia Jane Rutherford agreed to take an additional 25 strokes. This goal has also been passed now.
So who do the additional cane strokes fall to? Well, they fall to me, of course.
I had the rare chance to have a skype chat with Pandora this afternoon. Because we’re both always keeping busy (her especially!) and we’re 8 hours of timezones apart, we almost never get a chance to make our schedules line up, so it was wonderful that we did. When we talked today, she told me everything that was going on with the fundraiser and explained that they had raised more funds than they had models to take the cane strokes, I was both overjoyed with their success and happy to help out. I’m an American, but this law has changed my life, too, and technically speaking, I’m a producer of a traditionally UK based site now. Besides, British spanking pornography means an awful lot to me. I was happy to put my butt on the line, quite literally!
So, everyone, click here to donate to Pandora’s fundraiser! You can donate no matter where you are located in the world. Ten pounds is about fifteen US dollars, and each 15 dollar donation adds a cane stroke for me! The caning will be filmed after Paul returns to the US, and the video including Pandora, Nimue, Rosie, Amelia and I all getting caned (although not at the same time and place) will be made available to everyone for free! Really, who DOESN’T want to see me get fifty cane strokes for a good cause? That’s an awful lot! So, please donate!
When you think about it, your donation doesn’t just ensure that I’ll be getting an additional cane stroke: it helps to provide countless more cane strokes in the future by helping to make sure that British spanking pornography is able to continue on in the world. More writing on this topic coming tomorrow, but I was kind of wrestling with blogger for a couple of days, so I got behind on my posting and now that I’m participating in this fund raiser, I want to get the word out before it’s too late!
So, let’s talk about the new ATVOD law that came into effect in the UK on Monday. I’d guess that many of you have already heard a lot about it, and if you read Pandora Blake’s blog you’ve already read much more cogent and significant writing than what I’m about to present here, but I long ago came to the conclusion that there’s no reason not to talk about something just because others have already done an excellent job of it. Besides, this issue needs all the media attention it can get, and I’m still seeing misinformation about the situation being passed around on social media.
People on twitter and Fetlife have been talking about the UK’s “spanking ban” or “porn ban.” These terms aren’t actually very accurate. The ATVOD law is a piece of legislature which limits what sorts of sexual activities can be presented in “video on demand”, a category which includes basically all forms of internet pornography: streaming and downloads on membership sites and pay-per-download videos hosted on sites like clips4sale and even content which is given out for free.
The law has been talked about a lot in the spanking community because it directly affects us: one of the things prohibited by the law is the infliction of any kind of pain inducing activity which is beyond “transient and trifling” and which leaves any mark on the body beyond slight reddening of the skin (welts, bruises… basically marks). This sums up most of the spanking content produced anywhere in the world. But the term “spanking ban” isn’t really the right one to use for two reasons. First of all, someone unaware of the situation reading that might come to the erroneous conclusion that spanking itself has been banned in the UK. It has not. That’s actually one of the things which is upsetting about the law: things which are perfectly legal to perform are illegal to film and distribute. The second reason is because while the prohibition of spanking in pornography is the part that will most directly affect most of us, the list of acts that are classified as “extreme pornography” is long and it includes a lot of things that are problematic. The term “porn ban” is also not entirely correct. Not all porn has been made illegal. Only a lot of the interesting stuff.
Spanking producers anywhere in the world have been dealing with a certain form of censorship for as long as internet spanking porn has existed. What we can and can’t show on film has been previously decided for us not by our governments, but by the companies that we use to process credit cards. CCBill, Clips4Sale and other companies that producers use to receive payment used to be the primary people who set the rules for what could and couldn’t be offered online.
Their rules restrict a lot of kinks, but are actually, by comparison, fairly permissive towards spanking porn: they prohibit showing any blood for any reason, limit what kind of ageplay scenarios can be presented, get fussy about words signifying blood relationships (“father,” “mother,” “brother,” “sister” et cetera) and force us to be careful about what words we use to talk about force and consensual non consent. They can also prohibit what is and isn’t too extreme in terms of marking, but it usually doesn’t come up.
Except, of course, for the time that it did. In 2013, CCBill forced Pandora Blake to remove a handful of scenes from Dreams of Spanking and to make changes to all the language used on the site, getting rid of words like “little girl” and “forced.” She had to comply or lose her ability to make money from her site, but she wasn’t being pushed into this by the law. She responded by making the content available for free on Darker Dreams.
Now that censorship is being enforced by the government and not just by corporations, this sort of work around isn’t possible anymore: like I mentioned before, UK producers can’t even give the content away for free. In addition to that, because making this content is illegal it doesn’t just mean that breaking the laws will result in your site being taken down (which in and of itself is disastrous for a producer, since for almost everyone I know producing spanking videos their site is their full time job and primary source of income) but in actual legal action being taken against the producers. As far as I understand the law (and feel free to correct me if I don’t have a proper understanding of it) someone could actually, hypothetically go to jail for making illegal, “extreme” pornography.
Looking at the law directly doesn’t tell you exactly what is and isn’t permitted in an easy to find manner because the law works by classifying internet pornography under the standards of censorship which had previously only applied to films released in cinema or on DVD: this is the reason why most UK spanking producers either don’t offer DVDs or sell them semi secretly. I referred to this blog post, which carefully breaks down what material is and isn’t permitted. The list is seriously problematic:
Peeing and female ejaculation are lumped together into one category, with the same rules applying to urine and to female ejaculatory fluid. This just shows a lack of sex education on the part of the people responsible for this legislature, because these two things are entirely different. Both are still permitted as long as they aren’t done onto another person, or then consumed. Squirting during sex is alright if it is “brief” and “isolated.”
This is an enormous problem because squirting isn’t even something that you set out to do, necessarily. It’s part of some women’s physiological response to sexual stimulus. This is a rule that will only affect female-centric porn that features female performers genuinely enjoying themselves (I don’t know anyone who can fake squirt, personally). You can have a brief squirt here and there, but can’t intentionally do it on anyone. And peeing, which is a widely popular fetish, can only be done in isolation from other people. This affects some spanking videos. There’s a cross over between the wetting fetish and the spanking fetish, specifically for girls wetting themselves while being spanked. It’s something people are very divided on, but I personally think this is totally hot. The scenes where one wets oneself while over a lap being spanked are doubly prohibited.
There isn’t actually a health risk associated with any of this behavior, either, even if we’re talking about drinking pee. Although some people may find it gross (it’s not my thing, personally) it isn’t any more likely to spread disease than lots of other things that we are totally allowed to do in porn (like kissing or having sex). You can’t ban something because you think it’s gross.
Of course, any consumption of male ejaculation is entirely fine. I don’t even understand how this makes sense. I feel that it’s blatantly sexist, and is implying that male centric, heteronormative porn is acceptable and that female centric porn is “extreme” and therefore deserving of censorship. On a related note, facesitting has been forbidden. This is apparently because if you try this on your own at home, you might die by having the airway blocked.
Interestingly, throat fucking, which also can be potentially dangerous in terms of blocking the airway, is entirely acceptable. The act which shows male pleasure is allowed, but the one which shows female pleasure is banned. You however, aren’t allowed to tell someone to “gag on your cock” because it refers to blocking the airway, whether you are doing it or not. Gags in general, especially when associated with bondage are prohibited. Bondage as a whole is mostly against the law, especially when it isn’t explicitly part of a roleplay scenario. I get the impression that behind the scenes material and context building items like interviews and performer blog posts don’t count for demonstrating consent here, just explicitly defining it on camera, which makes fantasy based bondage scenes illegal.
Fisting has been entirely forbidden. You cannot insert five fingers past the first knuckle into someone’s body. Again, this is a popular feature in female centric porn, and there’s no evidence that it’s actually medically dangerous.
There are quite a few other things on the list, but this blog post will be infinitely long if I talk about all of them, so let me come to the most relevant: BDSM pain play is only permissible if it is “transient and trifling.” Like I said before, this means no marks and less visible severity of any kind. I don’t just mean spanking, I mean any kind of kinky shit that hurts someone.
The supposed reason for this and for most of the other regulations is someone might try to replicate this at home and cause harm or death. This is a strange argument. For one thing, you can watch depictions of lots of things that you really shouldn’t try to do yourself, like almost everything in every movie and TV show ever. For some reason, they seem to believe that the general public can grasp the idea that you shouldn’t replicate the things that you see in a standard film, but that people will do dangerous and harmful things if they replicate that which is presented in pornography. I feel that if this was the real concern, it should just suffice to add a little caption on the bottom of the screen that reads “professional fuckers on a closed set, do not try this at home.”
In a certain way, by saying this, the British government is making all pornographers de facto sex educators. If they truly believe that people will replicate what they see in porn, shouldn’t they be celebrating sex positive porn, female centric porn and consensual, safe kink porn? Instead, these are the sites that they are criminalizing. Porn which shows a man with a perfect dick fucking a girl with a perfect body in a scene where he never attempts to please her, she moans in a way which is obviously fake and he then pulls out and ejaculates all over her face is basically protected under this law. Nothing about this scene is “extreme.”
If porn is meant to be a guide to sexual practices, then these videos are shoving body negativity and sexism down our throats in a way that the damage, while not physical, would be far beyond transient and trifling. The sites that focus on the pleasure of people of all genders, on discovering who you are and loving it, on not being ashamed of your sexuality even if you’ve been taught that it’s wrong by society are the ones that are being targeted by these restrictions.
Spanking porn is actually a very positive thing. It’s primarily made by a tight knit group of people who keep each other safe and who are passionate enough about sharing and celebrating their kink that they’re willing to dedicate their lives to it. The spanking community (both online and at parties) allows us to interact with performers and know that they truly enjoy what they do. You’re currently sitting wherever you are reading my blog about how I love what I do and how it fills my life with happiness and satisfaction in a way that no other profession could for me.
While there are certainly models who aren’t interested in spanking and just do a few shoots here and there for the money, they’re looked after, too, and the play is scaled to their tolerances. Limits are discussed. Safewords are in place. The play which is presented in spanking shoots is actually very safe: realistically, trying to replicate what you see in a film is likely not actually going to hurt someone because the majority of the Tops in spanking films are very skilled and watching them carefully can actually teach good technique. Of course we roleplay non-consensual scenarios, but I feel that this is the part which is inherently understood by the viewer. And if it isn’t, should we just be responsible for providing more context building materials outside of the actual scene instead of having the entire thing banned?
I’m not saying that the spanking industry is perfect. I have had bad experiences (one notable one) and so have other models that I know. But in general, it’s a healthy, positive community, and with the current louder voices in the scene emphasizing acceptance, safe play, negotiation, consent et cetera, it could only get even better. Unless, of course, you ban the entire thing.
I think it’s telling that when I get into arguments with people online in which I try to defend my experience as a spanking model as having been positive and explain that producing and participating in porn can be a really great experience for everyone involved, the response that I usually get is that it’s so nice for me that in my niche things are in such good shape, but that “real” porn is full of consent violations and ignored limits (I have absolutely no experience with mainstream B/G porn and I’m not agreeing with or supporting this statement, just repeating what was said to me on the internet). It’s funny that what I do isn’t even considered “real” porn by many, yet to the British government, it’s not just real, it’s “extreme.”
So, what’s the state of affairs for the UK based spanking producers? They’re faced with the calling to either relocate their studios, close up shop or fight back and do whatever they can. As far as I have been able to tell, none of the British spanking sites are going to stop production.
Paul told me about this law a couple of weeks ago, and was obviously extremely distressed about it. He asked me if I would be willing to take over legal ownership of Northern Spanking, making it a US based website instead of a UK one. In order to do this, Paul had to, on a legal level, give me every aspect of his company. Technically, I own it, and he now doesn’t have any source of income: that’s all, on paper, mine. Since, despite what you may have heard, I’m not a terrible person, I’m not going to really let this change anything. Everything about Northern will remain the same, until the site’s new design which has been in process for a while now is launched, that is. (I’m not going to run in and put stickers on everything.)
The process of transferring ownership to me was complicated, tedious, stressful and expensive, but it means that Northern is no longer at risk and that, most importantly, no one is going to arrest Paul. Doing this made me sad, though. It was bitter that Paul can’t own the thing that he has spent the better portion of my lifetime nurturing, and which he dedicates so much time, love, energy to. I know that he’s angry at the government for taking that away from him, and rightfully so. I wish I could be with him right now to offer him some comfort.
I learned that John Osborne who runs Triple A Spanking has done something similar: he announced on his blog that transferred ownership of his site to his US based partner, Sarah Gregory in what I can only assume is a similar arrangement. Not everyone has the privilege of having a trusted loved one in another country to whom they can transfer ownership of their site, however. When I was first asked for my thoughts on this on tumblr, a commenter asked why producers don’t just move to another country.
Moving yourself to another country is incredibly difficult. It means uprooting your entire life, putting a huge distance between you and your loved ones, leaving your home, selling or getting rid of most of your possessions because they’re too expensive and difficult to ship, selling your car or paying expensive fees to ship it, rehoming your pets or putting them through quarantine, going through a complicated legal process to get residency which is never easy and in fact can severely limit who can immigrate where and, if you’re leaving England, potentially giving up your right to free Health Care. I know all this because this is what Paul is going through right now.
When I first responded to that inquiry, I said that I didn’t think anyone would do that. It bothered me that people so callously threw this idea around online like it was the simplest thing in the world. “What? The law is infringing on your freedom and making it illegal for you to continue to earn your living? Just leave your entire life behind and start living somewhere else!” Moving to another country is a serious commitment, and I, wishfully, didn’t think that this was a situation so dire that it would cause people to have to do that.
I was not correct, as Sarah Bright of Spanking Sarah and English Spankers (among other sites) announced that she and her partner, Mr. Stern will be relocating their family to Spain to avoid persecution, a piece of news that solidified the seriousness of this situation for me. I simultaneously think it isn’t fair for people to suggest that producers should simply move away and feel that it’s perfectly understandable to want to live your life, especially a family life (as Sarah describes in her post) away from this stressful situation.
Pandora Blake has declared that she’s staying put, and she’s staying very on top of things, giving us information on how to file a complaint against the ATVOD and encouraging people to join her at a protest against the policies next week. Dreams of Spanking will continue to operate in the UK.
Nimue Allen of Nimue’s World has posted about the issue as well, and, as far as I can tell, intends to stand her ground and continue to operate her site from England. Hywel Phillips of Restrained Elegance, explained in a blog post that his studios are already legally based in the US and that he isn’t sure how the censorship will affect him, but that he doesn’t want to have to leave his home country. I don’t know what several other producers plan to do or not do, but it’s vital that all of them have our support.
What can you do?
If you live in the UK you can write to your MP protesting the censorship.
No matter where you live, you can sign this petition.
If you live in the UK you can also sign this one, and, most importantly, the official petition.
Donate to Backlash UK, a sexual liberties lobby group which has set up a legal fund to assist producers if they are targeted, and who is campaigning against the policy.
If you’re local to London or able to travel there, attend a protest outside of Parliament.
Consider getting a month’s membership to one of the sites affected by the censorship.
If you live in the UK, it is NOT illegal for you to join spanking sites, purchase spanking content or posses this content. As a consumer, you are not at risk: only producers are.
I don’t even feel up to leaving the sign-off heart on this post. There’s nothing that I heart about this.
I’m posting this eleven days late. This potential “didn’t post to my blog as I should” punishment is probably growing. I’m going to take a moment to talk about the phenomenon of me not posting very often. In 2013, I rarely blogged as often as I wanted to, and my posts often had more than a month of lag between the event and the write-up. This has been a constant source of frustration for me, as I would like to be able to sit down and write and then post things. There are a couple of reasons why this became a trend. The first is that in 2013, I was away from home 66 percent of the year, and it wasn’t until I moved into my new house here in Los Angeles that I was ever home for more than two weeks straight without traveling. I have a hard time blogging when I’m on the road, as I often am either very busy with shoots or trying to squeeze in as much socializing as is possible. Because I was never home for very long, though, this meant that it became impossible for me to get caught up on things, which lead to me feeling frustrated and disappointed in myself, which actually isn’t a useful emotional place for me to be in and accomplish things.
The second reason is because there were parts of this year which were very difficult for me. It was the epitome of a transition period. I firmly believe that when it comes to putting things out there on the internet, if you don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all. During these times of stress and instability (or the depression that I fell into when Malignus first broke up with me, for example) it was hard for me to have anything worth putting on the internet to say.
The final reason why blogging hasn’t happened as much is because I’m sometimes very naughty and play too much Pokemon instead of doing my writing like a good girl. This is the reason why I need beatings. ^_^!
The other circumstances will hopefully be mitigated in the coming year (and obviously my naughtiness will be totally and entirely corrected and never be a problem again, right? That’s how spanking works? :P). I intend to spend much more time close to home. I love everything about where I live: my house, my cats, my local friends, the people I get to work with, the places I get to go, the proximity to Disneyland and, of course, being at home (most of the time) with someone I love. I’ll still travel quite a bit, especially to national parties, and I’ll likely continue to visit Denver and Dallas as regularly as I can manage (they’re filled with some favorite friends, producers and clients!) but in general, the travel craziness will be toned down.
So, with this out of the way, it’s time to remember some fun things which happened in 2013! Onward! [Please note that some of these stories contain ellipses. These are real ellipses, showing that text has been omitted in between those words to keep each story brief and readable, not punk ass “I dunno how to finish a thought” type ellipses. Kthnx.
One of my fonder memories from January was visiting Amoni in Denver, where I did my second shoot for Real Spankings. I described the final scene I filmed that day like this:
When we were discussing these last two sets, it was up to me whether I wanted to do them with my jeans on or not. For the first one, I decided to do it on the bare because cane lines always look great, and because at this point in my life, it feels kind of unnatural to get spanked over clothing since baring is nearly always a part of my spanking ritual, unless it’s something extremely impromptu or it’s part of a mind-game. Shortly after we finished filming the caning sequence, I went to get changed to do the paddling one. I had originally said that I would take the paddle swats over my jeans, but I changed my mind at the last minute. My butt was sore, sure, but I wasn’t dying. I was really enjoying getting spanked, and I really wanted to feel the spanking I’d be getting that day.
After the interview, when it came time to actually take my jeans down, I felt a little apprehensive about my decision. It’s funny how the closer a spanking gets, the scarier it becomes. But I reminded myself that this was all my choice and I wanted it to be hard and got them down.
It was hard.
I got ten swats with the paddle, and each of them made me rise up on my toes, cry out, and contort my face in pain. After the seventh, I asked for a moment to catch my breath. I took a second to just breathe as Danny gently rubbed my bottom. I felt safe and secure, and relaxed myself again, stuck my bottom back out and took the final three swats.
When it was done, I had quite a mix of adrenaline and endorphins and a very sore bottom. That, my friends, is the ideal way to end a work day. 🙂
In January I also spent a lot of time with a girl who I was involved with at the time (and still care greatly about) called Panda, I was in Sioux Falls, and it snowed. I hate the snow if I have to deal with it for more than about fifteen minutes. In retrospect, January was very much like the year before it, although the rest of 2013 was really not.
In February, I was a busy girl. I spent the first couple of weeks in Sioux Falls, but then took off for the start of a whirlwind adventure which changed my life forever! I left to go to Los Angeles, where I visited Rafa, Zeki, Christy Cutie and Maddy Marks, went to parties, did shoots, worked on projects and ate delicious food. From LA, I flew to Las Vegas for the private party now called “50 Freaks,” where I had a remarkable time and got spanked quite a bit! On the last day of the party, Robert Wolf and Lily Starr took me to the airport, where I departed for my month long adventure in England. I had one of my favorite scenes of all time while I was in Las Vegas, with Richard Windsor. We built the energy for the scene up over the course of months, with internet bratting and scolding voice recordings which left me a (happily!) quivering mess. Here’s the meat of that story:
Richard had positioned me over a barstool … I was given a piece of paper which read “MR. WINDSOR IS NOT A LITTLE BITCH” which I was to recite after each stroke. … The first stroke made me gasp and whimper. I had trouble getting my voice in order to speak to read the sentence. I think I may have actually moved my mouth without any sound coming out, like trying to bring myself to wake someone sleeping in a dark room when my mind believes that it is necessary to be entirely quiet.
“Mr. Windsor is not a little bitch,” I managed. The cane landed again, in a hot, stinging stroke. Again, I repeated the sentence. On the third stroke, I had a moment of fear when I realized that I was only a quarter of the way done with the caning. Just like the hallway had before, twelve strokes seemed impossibly long. The scene had gotten into some deep part of my brain and had twisted my senses of time and distance. It felt like a very long time before the next stroke.Sometimes, I would rush the sentence out quickly. Others, I would whimper and wail a bit, catch my breath, move my feet and then whisper. At one point, I apologized, but I was firmly reminded that it was not the time for that. When I finally read the sentence for the last time and received my final stroke, I felt like I had been in the scene for ages, when in reality, I can’t imagine that it took more than ten minutes between the first and last stroke. Each one had been memorable, though: they cut, they bit, they slashed, they buzzed and itched and chewed at me.
March was one of the most adventure filled months of my whole little life. I arrived in England on the first and returned the the US on the 30th. I had a disastrous start to my trip, but things quickly picked up and became delightful. After spending less than a day in country, I flew to Holland, where I did two days of shooting for Spanked in Uniform and Real Life Spanking. From there, I flew back to England where I was collected by Paul to go to location where we were joined by John Osborne (“The Chief”) for another two days of shooting: one for Northern Spanking and one for Triple A Spanking. This was the second time I ever met Paul, having shot for him briefly at Shadowlane the year before. I was stressed out beyond belief during my first few days of travel, and I was deeply afraid to be in places where I knew no one, and where I felt fundamentally alone. I don’t have an explanation for this, and it this isn’t something that I retroactively wrote onto my memory because I remember thinking it to be very strange at the time, but as soon as I saw Paul waiting for me from across the baggage claim, I felt secure. It turns out that wasn’t just a fleeting feeling and wasn’t just my relief at seeing a face that I recognized. It’s a feeling of security which, very soon after this, became a permanent part of my life.
We spent two days doing our shoots. I got spanked by Paul for the first time, and several times after that: despite my somewhat frazzled state at the time, I was very aware of just how well we connected, even when our scenes were for films. When shooting was done, due to difficulties (I was originally meant to stay with SF while in England, but his infant daughter passed away during my first week in the country which changed things a great deal) I ended up staying with Paul for two days, during which time we played as much as possible and pretty much spent the rest of the time cuddling. It was magical.
From there, I went to stay with Pandora Blake for over a week, where we had lots of fun spanking adventures, deep conversations and much more cuddling. I also spent about half the visit following around and harassing her cat, Fatface. Observe this passage describing my feelings:
Fatface is a big, beautiful cat. She’s fluffy and mostly white, and most of the time, she gives zero fucks about what those weird humans are doing around her. The characteristics that make me like her more than the average cat (which I already like a lot) are as follows:
1) Fluffiness. 2) Passivity. 3) Facial expressions suggesting dissatisfaction with human company. 4) Adorable cat food (or “biscuits” as they are referred to in England) seeking behavior. 5) Fat. 6) Everything.
Yep, I’m still obsessed with Fatface: enough that I considered her enough of a highlight of my year to include in this post. Anyway, In addition to doing two more days of shooting during this portion of my visit (one for Dreams of Spanking and one for Nimue’s World) I spent a lot of time playing off-camera with Pandora:
That evening, Pandora and I somehow ended up in a competition to see who could finish posting to their blog first, which aided me quite a bit in actually getting this stuff done. Pandora, however, finished her post just slightly before I did. “I beat you to posting!” she said, “Now, I’m going to beat you in real life!”
The setting of additional rules to a competition after it’s already been completed like that is tremendously unfair. When I have a certain kind of energy with someone, though, I find unfairness delightful…
Pandora offered me a warmup, which I gladly accepted, and then put me over her lap and spanked me with her hand. It had been a long time since I was spanked by Pandora, and I was glad it was happening again. I don’t feel entirely submissive towards her, so to speak, but I do feel passive towards her in play, and I enjoy her receiving her Toppiness, and I was very comfortable with her occupying Boss-space for the moment … It felt sort of invigorating and exciting to be getting spanked by her. Once I was thoroughly warm, she directed me up onto her sofa for a whacking with a fairly big, leather paddle. I cuddled up to her stuffed dog, Fred, who is known as “Drop Dog” due to his ability to drop onto your head. “Comfort her well, Drop Dog!” Pandora instructed, “she’s going to need it!” (I liked that quite a bit, too). She gave me a spanking that was neither severe nor serious, but still hurt enough, and put me in a giggly, happy, nicely spanked mood.
Our visit was wonderful, I loved both of the shoots that we did, and I was happy to get to meet some additional awesome people like Nimue Allen, Thomas Cameron and D. When visiting time was over, Paul came to get me and I went and stayed with him for the rest of my visit. This time was laid back and extremely enjoyable. I did another day’s shooting for Northern Spanking and, just before I had to leave to go back, a day for Bars and Stripes.
Leaving to go back to America was incredibly hard for me. I had, sort of unbeknownst to me, fallen into a depression in Sioux Falls over the months leading up to my trip, and while I had been in England I realized this, because I felt like myself for the first time in a long time. I felt excitable and happy and vibrant. I didn’t want that feeling to be over. I had also grown very attached to Paul, and the thought of leaving him made my heart hurt. But all things end, and my trip ended just as the month did.
April was primarily spent trying to adapt back to my life at home in Sioux Falls, although I did steal away to NYC to visit friends and do a few shoots, and to Atlantic City for Boardwalk Badness Weekend. Boardwalk was an action-packed tour-de-force of spanking, including my first time getting spanked on a boat. Another significant “first” happened at that party: my first hand tawsing experience:
Mr. Allen instructed me regarding how to position my hands, then he said:
“This is going to hurt very, very much. Don’t move your hand.”
There’s nothing like telling me that something is going to hurt to get into my head. Such a simple thing, usually the honest truth, but I have almost no defense against it. It melts my toughness. My heart pounded and pounded. Then Mr. Allen raised the tawse and brought it down on my palm.
Then I exploded.
Or so I felt. I at least screamed a little. I had never, ever, ever felt something that hurt so much. Not the longest, hardest caning in my history. Not a heavy ebony hairbrush on my thighs. Not being smacked on the tender areas near the backs of my knees. Nothing hurt like this. It was nauseating. It was disorienting. I don’t remember moving, but I discovered that I had my hand clutched between my thighs, because it was the sort of pain that I simply had to apply pressure to. There was no other choice. Holy. Fuck. I trembled.
“Other hand,” Mr. Allen instructed. I looked up at him pleadingly, but he had a stern and serious face. That confidence and his unbending nature comforted me, pacifying me enough to stand up straight again and put my other hand out. I forced it as far away from my body as I could, looking away to avert my eyes from what was going to happen.
That’s what happened. I crumbled, sort of bent in half, rocking and rubbing my aching, burning, terribly sore hands together. I knew that there was a crowd of people around, that we were playing in a suite, but I wasn’t aware of anything around me. Just the hurting. It was all that my mind could process. I didn’t even feel entirely control of the parts of my body that I normally am, unsure of how to breathe or move my muscles.
“I can’t take two more,” I told Mr. Allen. This was huge. I’m horribly proud. It’s rare for me to beg, to protest, or try to get out of something. I am, after all, the kind of girl who intentionally gets herself into situations like this. But here, I felt that I had met my match. This hurt too much. I wasn’t tough enough for two more. I just couldn’t. There was no way. I shook my head, tears soaking down my face and gathering on my sweater.
“You can and you will,” Mr. Allen told me. “You’re going to. Put your hand out.”
I wanted to protest more. I couldn’t. I might die. I might *actually* explode. My hands might come off. I was entirely beyond rationality. Instead, I felt comforted by his statement, and my panic started to fade. I felt the tranquility of being out of control, feelings of comfort in the inevitable that Malignus had taught me to embrace long ago. I could do this. I could.
I put my first hand out again. It already felt about twice it’s usual size. I closed my eyes and tried to relax into what was going to happen. I shrieked anyway, quickly devolving into sobs again.
Somehow, I got my other hand up without having to be coaxed, with Mr. Allen praised me for before bringing the tawse down the last time. This one felt like the worst one, both my hands swollen and red and sore, my world illuminated with a white strike of agony. I fell to my knees with both hands clutched between my thighs, trying to press the hurt out of them, trying to squeeze them back to feeling their normal size. I was concerned for a moment that I might throw up, but I recovered remarkably quickly as a powerful, almighty rush of endorphins came and took me over. Mr. Allen went away for a moment and returned with a bowl of ice. I buried my hands in it, and I felt infinitely better.
“You took that well,” he said as he comforted me. I laughed.
“No, I really didn’t.” I think it was the least well I had ever taken anything.
“Well, you took it. That’s something,” he said with a supportive smile.
This post is too long to begin with, so I shall break it into thirds. Next third coming tomorrow. ♥
As my time in England drew to a close, I felt a certain sense of sadness drawing on me. While my trip had begun with me hating everything and desperately wanting to be home, the thought of leaving now made my heart heavy. Of course I was looking forward to seeing everyone that I hadn’t for so long, but it didn’t stop my other feelings. I was made more sensitive and vulnerable than I usually am (so, that’s saying something!) by the combination of this and a stressful situation that was going on back in the states. Everyone remained very patient with me, though and I got to have several more exciting adventures before the day did arrive when I had to leave.
One day, close to the end of my visit, Paul took me for a walk on the shore. Having grown up by the sea, I’m always fascinated by visiting beaches that are different than the New Jersey coastline that I identify in my mind when I hear the word “ocean.” It was very different: the waves were small and choppy, but without foam, the water seemed to be a different hue, and the beach itself was made up of a mixture of tiny rocks and broken shells.
Being by the water is linked to the majority of my positive childhood memories, and it’s a setting that brings me back to a happy part of my mind, making me feel small, but in an entirely comfortable way. Paul held my hand as we walked along, although I constantly stopped to pick up tiny seashells. These shells are precious to me, now, and I always have one of them in the pocket of my favorite sweater, and just running my fingers over it reminds me of that buffer I talked about before: safety, comfort and love. I later discovered that one of them has a hole in it naturally, so I stuck it on a chain and often wear it as a necklace.
|Shell necklace, as seen around my neck in this photo from the other day by Amoni.|
Another fun experience happened when Zoe came over and spent the night (along with two other girls who I didn’t really know) and mass girliness ensued. It was lovely to hang out in a group of people, where we chatted and drank champagne while Lucy dyed one of the other girls’ hair, but the part of the evening that mostly stands out in my mind was once Zoe and I were meant to go to bed. She was staying in the same room as me, and in the time honored tradition of any two girls spending a night together that usually don’t, we stayed up extremely late chatting. We kept giggling and then remembering to be quiet and whispering for a moment, and then someone would say something that would make the other gasp and we’d forget and get noisy again. We talked about all kinds of things, including how we got into the scene and how we both started filming, and we shared awkward but funny stories and even a few personal secrets. Eventually, we went to sleep, but not without several false starts of “Okay, we really have to go to bed now!” “Alex! It’s three! Go to sleep!” “Zoe! Stop talking!”
The next morning, Zoe painted my nails for me. She’s into nail art, and I asked her to do Pikachu faces for me, which she gladly and successfully did. I found this to be the most delightful thing that has ever happened to my hands (in a few days you will hear about the least delightful thing that has ever happened to my hands). I’m still impressed with how cute they are. It was a sad day when I eventually had to take them off.
|Zoe Page is the most awesome ever.|
I think it was the next day that I left Paul and Lucy’s house. Paul took me to another town, where we were both filming for Bars and Stripes on the day before I had to leave to go back. I was quite sad to leave, and I said my goodbyes to Lucy then, although I would be seeing her at BBW as well.
Shooting for Bars was incredibly fun for me. There was the fact that there were a ton of people that I liked all on set together: Paul, Stephen and Zoe all topped me (I got to be the center of lots of tops’ attention again! Bonus!) and Michael was filming. We were filming at Dodgy Dave’s place, and he was around and assisting, and I got to know him a bit. It was just a lovely group of people, and a wonderful way to end my visit. I also loved the content that we filmed. I mentioned before that I’ve recently gotten more into doing “dark and horrible” scenes. At some point, I realized that as much as I love the sweet and innocent stuff, or the very consensual play that I engage in at home, as much as I relish in the good feeling of being beaten by someone with affection for me, there’s something that I find positively invigorating about scenes with non consensual themes. I’ve gotten very fond of abuses of power, force, pressure, terrible unfairness, power held via intimidation rather than respect and so on (in role play, of course). The content that we filmed for Bars was all about that stuff. There was no “you’re really a good girl, we care about you quite a bit, but you’re going to get spanked anyway.” In it’s place was a general sense of nastiness, authority figures who disliked me and were very liberal with their force, yelling, shouting back and forth at each other, manhandling, trickery and sleeping on the floor with only a blanket. Again, whenever I say that I’m getting into something new, I don’t mean that my interest in this replaces anything that I was previously into, or is more important than that which I traditionally liked all of the sudden. It’s just an expansion of my taste to include additional things, or a growth of my set of options.
I originally kind of imagined that there would be something uncomfortable about filming this sort of stuff with people who were my favorite people in real life, like I wouldn’t be able to take their scariness seriously. In actuality, it was probably only as awesome as it was because of the fact that I knew and trusted everyone involved. It was delightful to step so far outside of myself that I was in a world where I was fearful and angry towards these people one moment, and then, as soon as we cut, I immediately started snuggling them. I trusted everyone enough that there was no real emotional discomfort when things got intense. I just felt very secure, and delighted by the darkness of the scenes. I don’t mean to say that any of the stuff we filmed was vicious. It just wasn’t “nice.” But it was hot. All of it felt wonderful to do.
The final scene that I filmed in England was a double caning from Paul and Stephen, and it was probably the best film to finish with. I’ve always been kind of infatuated by the idea of co-topping, and I hadn’t had a lot of chances to do well developed scenes of that nature before this trip. I was lucky enough to get to do two of them: the scene I’m discussing and one for Dreams of Spanking where I got double strapped by Pandora Blake and Thomas Cameron. Both of these scenes were delightful. Besides all the things I’ve just discussed above, there were two things about this scene that really stood out to me. One was the fact that for part of it, the two Tops were kind of chatting amongst themselves about things unrelated to the work at hand (that is to say, unrelated to caning me). I found this to be horribly dismissive and objectifying in a way that was incredibly appropriate to the scene and was also thrilling. The other moment which stands out to me was near the end of the scene when I was made to thank Officer Kennedy for beating me. This stands out in my mind because it made me aware of just how deeply into my character role I’d gotten and how much a different atmosphere can change the way things feel to me. In “real life,” it feels entirely normal to thank someone for spanking me. I throw it out spontaneously in the middle of a scene sometimes when something hurts in a way that makes me particularly submissive. If I was prompted to thank someone at the end of the scene, I might feel slightly sheepish that I hadn’t remembered to do it on my own without reminding, the way that I feel when someone has to remind me to rinse my bowl before putting it in the sink. In this scene, it was horrible. It was enraging. It was tremendously humiliating. I refused. I would not. That’s a rotten, awful thing to ask of a person, and only a terrible man would demand such a thing, thought my in-character brain. Eventually, of course, I did, but it was bitter.
Then the scene was done, and I felt incredibly high. Filled with positive emotion and endorphins. Elevated by having gone to such a place in my brain. Having been co-topped meant that I had an excuse to force two people to hug me instead of one (although, really, with this group of people I didn’t need an excuse or force ^_^).
And then we were finished filming, and I felt sad again. My adventure was ending. It was almost over.
That night was melancholy to me, but very nice. We went out to dinner at a pub all together, and Zoe and I got excessively big ice creams, just like we had the first night, when Paul had picked me up and taken us up to Derbyshire. We all bantered back and forth, told stories and laughed as we relaxed from the day’s work. Eventually, it was time for everyone else to go home except for Paul and I, who were spending the night at Dodgy Dave’s place, as I’d be going to the airport early in the morning. At some point, I had started to get sick. I thought perhaps I was allergic to something in the air, although I later discovered that I was actually just getting a cold. Anyway, I sneezed and my nose ran basically the rest of the night, which made me feel kind of silly and awkward. Despite this, that evening stands out in my mind as one of the sweeter ones ever. Paul looked after me in a way that was firm but extremely affectionate, and I melted into that feeling. We went up to bed fairly early, as I had to get up in the morning and that’s not something that’s ever easy for me, and then he sat on the bed, put me over his lap and spanked me lovingly for a terrifically long time. I imagined that the entire world was that moment, so that I wouldn’t worry about it being over, and melted into some quiet space in my mind where I was delicate and vulnerable but very well protected. This was, of course, interrupted by my constant sneezing, but that really didn’t bother me much. This was good.
When the spanking was over, my bottom was buzzing with heat, but the rest of me felt entirely relaxed.
“How do you feel?” he asked me.
“Vulnerable. Safe. Happy.” I answered, my voice difficult to find and control.
“Good,” he said. “Do you want to know how I feel?” I nodded. “Wonderful,” he said.
After that, I snuggled up against him and tried to fall asleep. It almost pleased me that I kept sniffling and keeping myself up, because I liked being awake in that moment, floating in some relaxed, half awake snuggle state. Eventually, though, I slept.
In the morning, Paul took me to the airport, where I we ate breakfast together before I had to get on my plane and leave. Somehow, I managed not to cry until I was in flight, where I snuck into the bathroom to do it. It was okay, though. I knew I’d be back. ♥
After having finished the two very exciting shoots that I wrote about in my last couple of posts, I spent a few more days with Pandora. The time that we spent just hanging out was always fun and enjoyable. We did sessions and had fun together. A huge portion of this involved me picking up her cat and not putting her down when she wanted me to. 😛 Eventually, though, Pandora needed to get back to the rest of her life, and I was meant to go visit S_F at this point. Unfortunately, his situation horrible personal situation had not improved, and he was unable to come get me or host me at his house. I actually didn’t end up seeing him at all, the entire time I was in England. Instead, Paul Kennedy and Lucy McLean were kind enough to agree to host me for the rest of the time that I was there. This ended up being basically the best thing ever.
Paul came to pick me up from Pandora’s, and we all had some tea and cake (although just regular cake, not Cake of Ultimate Joy™) before I had to say goodbye to her. I knew I wasn’t going to see her until BBW, which was about a month away, and this was sad for me, because I knew I was going to miss her. I hugged her a lot, and I harassed her cat as much as I could before I had to leave. As disappointing as it was to have to leave Pandora, I was excited that I was going to get to spend more time with Paul. I had found myself thinking about him pretty consistently since I left his house, and I was happy that I’d be seeing more of him.
When we returned to his house, I got to see his wife, Lucy, who I had only briefly met at Shadowlane last year. Lucy wasn’t feeling well that night, but being the horrible influence on my innocent friends that I am, I somehow managed to keep us up until the early morning chatting. Lucy is one of the coolest people to talk to ever, because she knows about an infinite number of things that I don’t know about, mostly lady things, and because she never makes me feel stupid or annoying when I have to ask a hundred and fifty questions about something. Additionally, she’s extremely kind, and I knew as soon as we finally got to sit down and socialize a bit that I really, really liked her and enjoyed being around her.
It’s hard for me to pinpoint the details of the time that I spent at their house and put it all in order. As before, I felt very relaxed and at ease while there, and the environment made me feel really free to be myself. Paul and I got to scene together pretty regularly, as well as just spending normal time together, and I found myself feeling very affectionate towards him– I think I spent the majority of the free time that I had while I was at their house cuddled up to him on the sofa. While it didn’t feel much of anything like the other D/s relationships that I’ve had, at one point or another I realized that I felt very submissive towards him, in a way that made me feel tremendously safe. Some kind of buffer of safety and comfort built up around me as we spent time together, and even though we’re away from each other now, it’s never gone away. In certain ways I felt tremendously shy about it, but I was slowly realizing that this feeling was greater than just affection, or caring or any other words that I might use to describe it aside from love (spoiler alert, we’re in a relationship now). But I didn’t entirely come to this conclusion until after I had returned home. At the moment, it was just a very happy time, in a place and with people that made me feel very contented.
One day near the beginning of this particular chapter of my never-ending adventure, Paul took me into London for what was kind of originally meant to be a variety of tourism events including hanging out at Camden Lock and shopping, but which turned into exclusively that, because I was so enthralled by it. It was cold and kind of constantly rainy, but I just loved walking around and checking out everything. If you don’t know, it’s an area that’s full of kind of alternative stores and vendors and it’s by the waterfront. I obtained several adorable things here, including a couple of excessively cute bunny related things and my very own prefect badge, which is something I’ve always wanted. In a vintage store, I found and got to try on some actual school uniform blazers (the fancy type) but none of them actually fit me, largely because they were all designed for boys of various ages. It was still super cool to wear, and I hope that some day I actually can find a real, legitimate one that fits me properly.
|I have this bunny shirt now. Also, this photo was taken at 13:37. Hawt.|
Shortly after this, a series of events that I now refer to as The Camden Pancake Incident took place. During this incident, Paul got me a pancake from a street vendor. This was basically a sweet crepe, and, for Angelinos, it was served sort of similarly to the ones that I used to get at Four Leaf: folded up on itself in a paper cone. I got it nutella, strawberries and whipped cream, which was basically the best combination of things I could think of, and it was hot when it was handed to me, which pleased me greatly due to my constant state of being kind of cold in England. “Don’t make a mess,” Paul warned me as I started to eat it, and I kind of responded with “Yeah, of course, obviously” or something.
I then proceeded to make a bigger mess than I have ever made in my entire adult life.
Because the pancake was hot, all the nutella and whipped cream melted together into some sort of drippy, creamy, chocolatey goo that got everywhere. It got all over my coat. It got all over my dress. It got all over my socks and shoes. It dripped in a trail behind me. It got into my hair. I probably got it on Paul. It was just impressively messy. I tried to clean as much of it up with napkins as possible, but that had limited success. I was just a sticky mess for the rest of the day. Later, when we got back to the house and I changed to go to bed, I discovered that I had somehow gotten it on my skin under my dress and on my underwear, which doesn’t even seem to follow the laws of physics to me.
Sigh. I’m an adult, I promise.
That evening, we went to a bar where I got to meet Leia-Ann Woods for the first time. She was really peppy and very entertaining to talk to, and I was excited that we’d be getting to see each other again at Boardwalk Badness Weekend the next month. On every occasion that we’ve been together, I’ve failed to take a photo. F – -.
That evening ended in a lovely way, as Paul and I went to dinner, and then took the train back to his town (on which I was very sleepy). The adventure finished with taking a midnight ferry ride, which was theoretically really enticing to me, but ended up being super cold. Fortunately, Paul took me upstairs to a giant heat vent, which I stood under and filled my happiness meter.
That weekend, we filmed for Northern Spanking. I often go thru and give a long play-by-play which describes the scenes that were filmed during a shoot, but this particular one is under-wraps. I’ll just say the following things:
* Besides me and Paul, the films involves Stephen Lewis, Michael Stamp and Zoe Page. There’s something incredibly, indulgently enjoyable about having four tops all to oneself.
* At one point, I wore this fancy outfit, courtesy of Lucy, who besides being amazing herself has all the most amazing stuff to wear ever:
* While we were planning out one of the scenes, Paul sat in this tiny chair, and I think this is the most endearing photo ever.
* Zoe dressed up as a cat and I somehow still managed to take her somewhat seriously.
* It became obvious to everyone that I don’t really know my left from my right particularly well and that I’m horrible at singing.
* Some parts of this were ridiculous.
The final adventure that I shall detail in this post involves Primark. I don’t think most people in the US know what Primark is, unless they’ve been around me recently and have asked me where I bought something I was wearing. Primark is a stylish (“fashion forward” I think is the term) but inexpensive store in England. A lot of the styles that they had were very “me.” They had an enormous selection of underwear and pajamas.
I bought all the things.
So. Many. Things.
I’m almost ashamed to post a photo, because I feel like it makes me look a little awful, but I’m going to anyway.
|This was only the first day. I went back. -_-|
Lucy and Zoe took me, and they were the best people I’ve ever shopped with. They were never annoyed at me for spending so much time, and they helped me try things on, and they told me when things did or didn’t look good on me, they carried stuff around, they took stuff into the dressing room for me… it was just amazing. Lucy fitted me for bras and I finally got some that looked appropriate on me AND are comfortable. The second trip involved me learning what kind of jeans actually don’t make me look stupid, and I’ve actually taken to wearing them fairly regularly (one of those developments in my personality that some people continue to be flabbergasted by). After the shopping adventure, I tried on literally everything in a fashion show, including every single pair of panties that I bought, which I think numbered at least 50. This whole “Alex bought all the things” event lead to me being kind of annoying to my friends at home when they want to know where I got something, because basically all the clothes I wear now come from this exhibition. This also lead to me promising not to shop for two months after coming back from England, which lead to me consistently getting myself a variety of forms of trouble, but most of that is another story.
There will only be one more post about England after this, and then I will post rather briefly about BBW, and then I have a few more adventures to describe before I am all caught up. PROGRESS! ♥
After the adventures involved in my last post, Pandora Blake, Thomas Cameron, Nimue Allen and I prepared for a day of shooting for Dreams of Spanking. Dreams of Spanking is one of my favorite spanking sites. This was my second shoot for it, and my first “full” one. We’d only done a couple of scenes in the past, during the Texas All State Spanking Party last year. I was excited to get to do some more involved scenes, including some with interesting costumes and sets. Nimue wasn’t in any of the scenes: she was doing the camera work and other production elements, and we were filming for her site, Nimue’s World, the next day.
The first film that we shot was loosely based on our real life behavior the first night I arrived at Pandora’s house: we were meant to go to sleep, but instead we kept staying up and talking and giggling loudly. This scene also prominently featured our stuffed animals, who were the ones keeping us up and making all the noise in the first place (or so we insisted). Tom played a kind enough but stern guardian figure who was pretty annoyed by our insistance on being noisy, and spanked and strapped both of us in the morning. We tried to get our punishment lessened by wearing adorable, matching cat underwear, but as is usually the case with these things, this was entirely unsuccessful. I really like the stills I’ve seen from this set (all previews, since it is as of yet not released) because of how aesthetically pleasing I find Pandora and I when we’re naked together. We have very similar shapes, and I think that looks great.
|There’s a lot of matching in this photo|
The second film that we did was interesting because it used creative camera work and had a unique point of concept. This video is currently available on Dreams, and’s called “Alex’s POV.” It features a lot of shots which show what I can see during the spanking: shots taken as I turn over my shoulder and my own view of my bottom in a mirror propped up near us. This scene was great to film, because our characters were very nearly ourselves, and that’s always a relaxed environment for me. I also like it because it’s fairly physically intense while still being entirely done with Tom’s hand: hard hand spanking is always a winning combination in my book. Furthermore, there was something sweet about the scenario: in some ways, it was similar to the spanking that Pandora had given me in my real life the night before: in the film, Tom suggests that a spanking would make me feel better about my less than ideal behavior while I was overseas. He’s not meant to be my Dominant, just an affectionate friend who is stepping up and filling that role while no one else was around to. It was lovely to be able to watch the spanking in the mirror: that made it much more intense for me. You can read Pandora’s writing about this film here.
Watching this movie after the fact, I was pretty pleased with the way that this captured the actual experience of the spanking. It was the video that I’ve watched myself in which was closest to my actual memory of the event. It also had a very intimate feeling surrounding it.
The next thing that we shot was a photoset to celebrate the Pagan holiday Beltane, or the rites of spring. This involved Pandora dressing me in a beautiful period costume and the use of lots of props, including real mead in the horn. I got to wear flowers in my hair and I loved my outfit, so it very much appealed to the “dressing up to make a fantasy real” side of things. The unfortunate part of this, though, was that it was March in England, which isn’t a time when the weather is nice. It was grey and rainy out, and being outdoors with my shoes off and my skirt lifted wasn’t exactly warm. In case I haven’t complained about this enough on my blog, I don’t enjoy being cold, or undressed in the cold, or getting hit with things in the cold. Still, I liked the idea enough that I soldiered on with it (no one forced me to go out and do it: I just got thru it by complaining a lot because I did actually want to). These pictures came out beautifully, and I love looking at them. These are my two favorites.
I think that whole set is just beautiful, and I was excited to do my first historical shoot.
I then had to get warm, because I was quite chilled, so we came inside and I put a bunch of fluffy things on above my costume:
|Oh hey, I’m never ridiculous! Ha.|
The next set that we filmed is, as of yet, unreleased, but it was really hot. I mentioned to Pandora during the creative process that I was getting really into doing dark, awful and non-consensual scenes. This is something I’ll talk about more later, as it’s been part of the shift that’s happened in terms of me accepting what a huge variety of things I like in the scene. Pandora and I then started scheming up a darker scene, and the one we came up with involved me as a journalist about to blow the whistle on some unethical behavior being tormented by two quite villainous corporate figures: Tom and Pandora. I liked the awfulness of the film. It was just hot. I got to genuinely crying pretty quickly, especially when they co-topped me.
|Here’s a photo of me having been spanked, in heels, stockings and a “suspender belt”. You’re welcome.|
The next scene was one of the most hilarious ones to film in my personal history as a spanking model. The plot was simple and based on Pandora’s real life: I played a character based on Pandora who is keeping a cat in her apartment against the terms of her lease. The landlady comes by to check up, and I hurriedly rush the cat into the bathroom and shut the door. Unfortunately, I leave a toy mouse under the pillow (and Fatface has shed everywhere) and the clever landlady (played by Pandora) figures out my scheme and responds with a spanking. This ended up being so funny because I actually had to cart Pandora’s cat (aka the love of my life) around for the video. I have trouble sometimes because many of the photographers that I’ve worked with in the past have directed me to look directly into the camera instead of looking past it, or making eye-contact with someone else in the frame, et cetera. Most spanking producers don’t want this: they want things to look more natural. I’ve tried to train myself to look in the places that look the best on film, but I often still forget. “Don’t look into the camera, Alex!” Pandora reminded me as we were shooting the stills for this set.
|Fatface gives 0 fucks about your directions.|
I laughed so goddamn hard at the way that cat stared down the camera. I still LOL when I see this picture months later. It’s just way too funny. The first time we saw this, Pandora, Nimue and I laughed until tears were literally rolling down our faces. Here’s another angle:
|Fuck you, guys.|
The actual spanking was a bit neat, since we used one of my personal implements. This was the first time I’ve ever done this on film, and in this case, it was the wooden spoon called “Warren” which is part of the “Trinity of Terror” (or, the three worst things I get hit with on a regular basis). There was something personal and kind of exciting about this.
|Pandora is so freaking hot.|
We wrapped up the day’s filming with another one of the best things I’ve ever been involved in, in and out of a spanking video: #sofafort. We built the best softafort ever made in Pandora’s living room. The shape of her couch made it much easier than it could have been, since it’s a sectional. We covered it with blankets and propped the middle up with a broom. It looked incredibly fucking awesome.
We then filmed an adorable ageplay video inside and around it, where Pandora and I are dressed in cute pajamas (I’m in my bunny romper and she’s in my bunny pajamas, because we needed a lot of pink bunny stuff and therefore looked to my wardrobe :D). We actually filmed INSIDE the sofa fort, including Pandora spanking me as sort of play acting, and then Tom coming in and finding that we’ve built a fort instead of tidying up for company and discipling us while bent over the fort with a pair of pretty hard hairbrush spankings. It stung like a son of a bitch, and I kicked and wailed in a pretty pathetic manner. We were then told that we had to dismantle the fort and get ready for company. Sad. Day.
After we finished filming Tom had to go, but Nimue was spending the night so we left the fort up for a while and hung out inside, talking and snacking on chips and hummus. Then we had some cider and filmed our video blog. It was an awesome day. 😀