I’ve never been to a spanking party before. I’ve been to play parties and to dungeons before, and I’ve been to a few things that are ALMOST like a spanking party. For example, I once hung out with my best friend, HeatherFeather, another spanko girl, another BDSM bottom who was somewhat into spanking and Malignus at what was at the time just his apartment (which is now where I live) and had lots of spanking adventures.
Then there was the Halloween party at Threshold where a number of spankos (including me, Christy Cutie and Porcelain Ass) and a bunch of BDSM people who are fond of spanking hung out. It was a party and there were spankos and spanking! Almost like a spanking party, right?
There was also the hotel party that took place right before left Los Angeles. There were about ten people and lots of spankings happened. I even got spanked by one of my friends who was wearing a panda suit at the time. Good, good times!
Still, none of these have been extended and dedicated spanking parties, and that’s about to change. This weekend I’m going to a small, private spanking party. It isn’t going to be anything like a large party, but it will have some pretty significant new experiences.
First of all, everyone who will be in attendance is a spanko, despite being from all walks of life. I’ve never been in a large group of spankos for more than a few hours at a time. That’s an exciting prospect for me. Secondly, there will be a lot of people there who I’ve never met before. In fact, the only person I’ll have met in person before will be Malignus. That said, two of the people who are going are good internet friends of mine, which makes things slightly less intimidating. Still, meeting a whole bunch of people can be really scary. I don’t even really know what people do at these kinds of parties, but I figure that there aren’t too many rules and regulations for it.
Another thing which is on my mind is the fact that I’ll be playing with people for the first time there.
I hear Tops talk from time to time about getting performance anxiety before spanking a girl, especially for the first time. They worry that they won’t do it hard enough, or that they’ll do it too hard and scare her off, or that they’ll do something that she misinterprets as creepy. They worry that they’ll mess up their reputations as good, trustworthy spankers.
I’ve never heard another bottom express this, but I get this. This is totally different than my generalized spankoanxiety, which is something that I’ve made great strides towards lessening by simply getting closer and closer to fully accepting myself for who and what I am. I just worry that the kind of bottom that I am won’t be desirable to the Tops that I engage with. What if I cry too much? What if I’m not snarky enough? Will they find spanking me boring because I just lie there and take it and there isn’t any struggle? Will I seem like a wet blanket because I don’t really engage in “the game” of getting spanked for being a brat?
I know that a lot of the other girls who are going (the party is pretty much M/f) enjoy playful bratting and that’s not really my forté. I like being good. I’m not kidding when I say that. I’ve recently been watching a lot of videos to try and learn how to be snarkier when I’m filming (especially videos with Erica in them, because she’s the most clever) but I still have trouble imagining myself acting that way when I wasn’t… acting. My hope is that people will just accept that I’m the way that I am and not think that it makes me a lamesauce wet-blanket. But I’m nothing if not an insecure worrier with a deep-seated obsession with the idea that no one will like me, so it keeps popping up.
My guess is that everything will be great and that it will be a learning experience for me. I’ll get to see the way that other people in the scene interact with each other and learn more about other attitudes towards TTWD. I also plan to have some serious cuddle time with one particularly adorable spanko bottom Doctor and to get some lessons in how to be really good at drawing kitties, to do some super fun baking, to make new friendships and strengthen ones that have thus far only existed online and maybe to try some exciting new things.
So here I am, with that combination of terror and extreme excitement that always comes with new things but especially comes with new spanking related things. I turn to you, dear readers! Have you ever been to spanking parties? If so, what was your first one like? What advice would you have for a girl attending her first one? Do you ever get “performance anxiety” before having a scene with a new person? What do you do to combat it?
Long comment ahead!
So, my first spanking party was kindof a doozy: the Irish one in the castle, in November of 2010. Before that, I got eased into it by going to Ireland on Halloween and heading to a … get this … dungeon! First scene anything and I end up in a dungeon. Way over my head. After the dungeon we went back to an apartment and it progressed like a funny and drunky mix of fetish and spanking. Really I don’t remember much. Except that I was spanked in front of someone else for the first time in my life.
But I, too, thought, hm, yeah, I’m not into the playful bratting thing. And MOSTLY… MOSTLY… I’m pretty quiet with that stuff until I either a) have had a few drinks, b) know someone well. In the Halloween case, I had had a few drinks. Frank was spanking Caroline and it was all a bit funny and I nudged his bag over to him in case he needed it – the wine did all the talking. Well, I don’t even know how it happened, but Frank saw, Caroline leaped up like a shot, and before I had even seen her approach she had lifted me up, sat down, thrown me over her lap, and started going at me with a hairbrush, shouting, “YOU NEVER – GIVE – FRANK – THE – BAG!” Well. I have a being-looked-at-especially-while-spanked phobia. But there was something about the rhythm and timing of the whole thing, and the fact that everyone in the room, including me, was laughing fit to bust (though in my case it was interspersed with shrieks), that tore the film off that particular social anxiety but good.
I’ll never be one for hiding people’s crap around the room, throwing things at them, etc., the way some people seem to like to do. It’s just not me. It can get obtrusive, it can get annoying, and it’s sometimes a bit… well I think the word is invasive, to a top’s sensibilities. Because now they either have to a) spank you, which tells you that you should throw things at them when you want to play, which is just not how I’d like to get my play thanks, b) ignore you, creating The Awkward, or c) tell you plainly that that is not the way to get their attention (which almost never happens because people are nonconfrontational, leading to more awkward).
My way of bratting is smarting off, mostly. But my point is that once Caroline did that hilarity, and later once Jules and Maria and I had that familial ease, suddenly there was light bantery bratting in my life, mischief with people I love. I find it really depends on knowing who you’re with and how they respond to different scenarios, because with comfort comes the safety that if you are feeling a bit rambunctious you can act on it and won’t be breaking some unspoken rule. That it’s OK to have a little fun and be a bit of a pain in the ass sometimes, if that’s how you feel. I, personally, can only feel that way if I’m extraordinarily at ease with the people I’m in the room with. And all that ease and familiarity brings more natural interactions, which brings the occasional bratting.
That’s what I think you’ll find. That as you have comfort with these people, you can be more playful if you really feel like it, free of the pressure to brat or the pressure to remain “good.” There’s nothing like good old fashioned straightforwardness at a spanking party though. That chick who throws her empty Diet Coke at a top’s head or tries to wave her lit cigarette in front of his face should be escorted out.
Have such a great time at your party! Get spanked but good 😀
eagerly awaiting your update post party…i am going to my first on march 4th and the trepidation is delicious. as a good girl also i am not sure how this is gonna work. i just cant see walking up to a total stranger and saying, “hi im tessa howz about you beat on me for a while?”
so i dunno. keep us posted 😀
That pic of you and Heather has been one of my favorites for a very long time. So nice to see it here. 🙂
Having attended five Shadowlane parties, five Texas parties (and a 6th this June) and hundreds of other all-spanko parties, my best advice? Relax. 🙂 You have nothing to worry about with regard to performance anxiety. I fully expect several guests will ask you to play. The one advice I really insist on is that if you’re asked to play by someone you really don’t want to play with, be direct and say NO. I know you may feel a need to sugarcoat it somehow, but the fact is you’re doing both yourself AND the person asking a favor by just being direct as possible. If you say “Not now but maybe later” to anyone, be advised that they WILL come back and ask again. But as noted, when it comes to people you DO wanna play with, I have no doubt that they will come and ask you. You have nothing to fear in terms of how the scene will go. Just relax and enjoy it.
Sigh. I just wish I was there myself.
I’m going to kill my husband for downloading things and crashing our internet connection after I’d just written a 4 paragraph reply here which failed to post. Arggh! Anyway.. a lot of people seem to think that spanking parties involve a bunch of people throwing Nerf balls at other’s heads. Lol. From the ones I’ve been to, that’s not the case. Some of the “brats” may be amongst the loudest, so are noticeable, but it takes all types to make a group.
I tend to be a verbal banter type and I try to know my audience. I really go the rounds with some tops and close friends and to a casual observer they probably would say that I “brat” but I don’t think I do. It all goes back to the murky area of labels and who cares, anyway. Just act how you normally act. Don’t feel pressured to do anything. How could anybody NOT like you??
I was super nervous at my first party. But I was attending alone and flying halfway across the country to meet people I only knew through the internet. I thought for sure I’d throw up on the plane from anxiety, or at the very least on some poor top’s shoes as soon as he bent me over. (I didn’t.) Spankos are very friendly welcoming folks from my experience so I think you’ll have a great time.
I still get nervous before parties and especially with new play partners. I have all the doubts lingering in my head. “I’m not pretty enough, nobody is going to want to play with me, I’m too quiet when being spanked so I’ll be boring, I’m going to be too tall to go over their lap” etc. Alas, even lame, awkward, shy Lea found many friends and even play partners. So I’m sure you’ll be just fine. :-)Looking forward to reading about it.