In January I made this post detailing what kind of comments I frequently received on Fetlife that I did not appreciate. This post created some controversy, because people don’t like to be told that they are doing something that pisses others off. I actually lost a friend because he said that I was too picky about comments. -_-
Fetlife comments that are annoying, not appreciated or offensive continue to be a problem. I’ve branched out to notice several new types of annoying comments. Here is the updated list. Please note that this post isn’t exactly sweet and positive. If you don’t like this or you have some kind of delicate sensibilities and can’t deal with me using “harsh language” then I suggest that you skip this one.
1) Creepily sexual comments.
I’ve already pretty well established that excessively sexual comments from strangers make me, and NEARLY EVERY OTHER GIRL ON THE INTERNET at least somewhat uncomfortable. I do acknowledge that there are some girls who get off on the idea that a stranger wants to put his tongue in them for hours, but those girls really aren’t the majority. I’m moving on to include “creepily sexual” in this category, because those are even worse. Topping this list is the comment “I hope you are looking forward to me sneaking up on you to give you a good fuck.” I hope the commenter is looking forward to me stabbing him the throat in self defense. Strangers being sexually forceful isn’t actually hot. It’s just…rapey. In a bad way. In a “if this comment was a neighborhood that I was driving through, I would lock my doors” kind of way.
2) Sexualizing non-sexual pictures or trying to force a picture into a different fetish.
I know that Fetlife is about kink. It’s also basically where I hang out all day. I have more friends that I actually value, talk to and visit on Fetlife than any other place. Because of this, I sometimes post pretty vanilla stuff to my Fetlife page. I try not to post things that are excessively “Vanilla and Unpopular” like pictures of what I ate for dinner or a photo of some rocks, but I do post pictures of me just hanging out and doing regular-person stuff that have nothing to do with kink. It makes sense: I do stuff other than get spanked. I wear clothes most of the time. My whole life isn’t one big spanking video. Sometimes, commenters don’t understand this. Once, someone commented on a photo of me and a friend (I think Heather) at a mall or something with “Did you guys have sex in the foodcourt?” No! We walked around and looked at clothes, talked about whatever we were feeling insecure about, drank an Orange Julius, tried some dresses on and then went home.
Another time, I posted a photo of a cake and someone commented that he wanted to jizz all over it. Fuck you people.
Equally obnoxious to me is when people try to make up a story which fits my photo into a different fetish. For example, I uploaded a perfectly innocent photo of myself in the corner and someone commented with “Sent to the corner with a butt plug and vaginal dildo in place and told not to touch yourself.” No, just sent to the corner. End of story. You can think about whatever you want when you look at my pictures. Just don’t write those words down if they aren’t the kind of thing you share with everyone else.
Popular among my friends is the story of a comment that was placed on this photo:
|This awesome photo is by Amoni Jones. I love her forever.|
This is a picture of me that my good friend, Amoni took during an Alex in Spankingland themed photo shoot. At some point, I’ll be re-doing my blog to include some of these photos in the layout. I feel like this picture is fairly straight forward, especially considering that the next photo in the series is of me bent over that rock behind me with my bare, spanked bottom on display. I’m about to be spanked and I’m petulant about it.
According to a commenter, this is a photo of “a young school girl pissing out of doors.”
Oh. Ok. I GUESS I can see where you could kind of get that idea from. Maybe just a little.
Anyway, this became hilarious because I was amused by the syntax “pissing out of doors” (when he clearly meant “outdoors”) and did a literal demonstration (without actually peeing, of course) of what that looks like in my head: a girl opens up a door, stands in the frame, then thrusts her crotch forward in an attempt to piss out of the door. I imitated this a lot at Chicago Crimson Moon this October. I also got spanked for doing so. 😛
3) Complaints about pantie placement/what I’m wearing/how I’m posed/other details
I personally like panties a lot. I buy lots of cute ones, and I want to take photos wearing them. I love the way that my red butt looks sticking out from my panties. Often times, when I take pictures, I’ll pull my panties back up after a bare bottom spanking because I like that look. So. Many. People. Complain. About. This. It’s almost enough to make me not want to post photos of my butt to the internet anymore when I post a picture and I get comments like “that should have been on the bare” or “why did he leave your panties up”? It isn’t like I never post bare bottom photos. I’d say it’s a pretty even split. If you don’t like a photo with my panties up, go look at one with them down. Bam. Problem solved. Once, maybe a week after a photo of me having been spanked in my swimsuit was uploaded, someone commented on it saying “Could you take one with the bottoms pulled down?” Oh, yes. Let me go back in time to when I got that spanking and take a picture to your exact specifications.
I get these complains about lots and lots of things. “I wish your pajamas were dropseats.” “Next time, take a photo where you’re bent over the couch.” “Take pictures during the spanking, not after.” -_-
I usually just delete the offending comments and then move on with my life. One that I found particularly annoying was left on this photo:
This is probably my favorite photo of all time, leaving aside a couple of pictures of me and my brother, and it’s certainly my favorite spanking related photo. Why do I like it so much? Because those moments when I’m worn out and crying after a long, hard spanking and Malignus is holding me and calming me down are some of the most special moments in my life, period. This is the only time when there was someone else there at that moment with a camera, so it’s the only photo that I currently have of this kind of moment. It’s also from the first time that I visited Malignus, before I was his girlfriend, before we moved in together and built the life that we have now. It just brings up a lot of positive memories. It always makes me smile.
Someone commented on it saying that it would be better if my socks were white.
4) Comments not related to photo.
This is a practice that a lot of people are guilty of that I just find really rude: commenting on a photo to say something which is unrelated to the picture. One time, one of my friends uploaded a photo of her thighs after they were spanked and it turned into a giant discussion regarding whether or not thighs should be spanked. Another time, a different friend uploaded a picture of her being spanked by a play partner and several girls started using the comments there as a place to brat their Tops. People start having side conversations. Someone comments on a photo to say something that’s just about themselves and is only tangentially related to what’s being pictured. A girl uses someone else’s photo comment thread as a place to be disrespectful to someone who isn’t even included in the picture in order to get attention. All of this is just, in my opinion, unacceptable. If you want to talk about something like whether or not thighs should be spanked, start a thread. If you want to brat your Top, go write on his wall or IM him. If you want to talk about yourself, post your own goddamn picture. I’m not saying that my pictures are uploaded just so that people will talk about me and pay attention to me, but it’s still my photo, and that’s not the right place for your discussion. You can argue this with me if you don’t agree, but I really find that disrespectful to the person who posted the picture.
5) Your ass is too pale/Those marks are too much.
I don’t bruise like I used to. A really hard and severe spanking can leave me in a condition which photographs as “pink”. I’ve accepted this. Not bruising is convenient when doing lots of shooting: it means that I can do back to back shoots and never have to worry about asking Tops not to mark me. It just doesn’t always look as epic in the photos. People complain about this, or they diminish the intensity of the spanking that I received. “Nice warmup!” or “Off to a good start!” comments are always kind of snarky in a way that I don’t appreciate. On the other hand, when I *do* have noticeable bruises, there’s always someone who comments or otherwise points out to me that they think it’s “too much for their taste.” My spankings are tailored to me. I don’t upload photos from something that wasn’t a positive experience. If I’m bearing marks and I’ve photographed them, it’s because *I like them.* Aren’t you people ever satisfied?!
6) I like the one on the left.
In general, I don’t like it when I upload pictures of myself and people talk about me like I’m not involved. “I like that girl’s ass.” “She’s got nice tits.” Those aren’t enough of a peeve to warrant me including them as a category here. What really bugs me is when I upload a picture of me in a group of girls and someone comments saying which one of us they like the best. This happens a lot with my Sternwood Academy pictures, or pictures of me hanging out with friends at parties. Someone will comment and say “The third girl in is the hottest!” or “I like the one on the left.” Nothing makes a girl feel great like saying “Your friend is hotter than you, I just wanted to point that out!” It doesn’t matter if the girl that they are singling out as “the hot one” is me or not. It just isn’t nice. Not to mention that the language used in these comments is often really objectifying. Harumph.
-End of List of Things I Don’t Like-
Because for the fast few months I’ve been trying to focus on the positive in life, I’m going to do a quick positive affirmation to make up for all the negativity in this post.
I get LOTS AND LOTS of awesome comments that make me feel great about myself. I love it when people take the time to let me know that they enjoyed what I wrote or a photograph of me. I love it when people tell me that my cuteness made their day. I love it when I inspire people to to take their own photos or write their own blogs. I love it when my friends are concerned about me and want me to be happy. I love my readers. I love it when people reblog tumblr pictures of me and attach my name and link to them when someone just uploaded a promotional picture or whatever. I love it when people comment on my blog to just say “I read your post and liked it.” I love my friends. I love my boyfriends. I love my Bosses of Me. I love my sisters. I love spankings. I love my hair. I love my pajamas.
Also, I recently drew this as an assignment from YS. Pretty epic win, huh?
Gosh, my jaw dropped at some of the obnoxious comments you listed — people can be insensitive, to say the least 🙁
I adore the picture of you and Malignus, it really tells a story and looks so meaningful. How neat someone was there to capture that moment for you two!
Yeah, people say some pretty awful stuff. I guess it comes with the territory of putting myself out there this much, but it really makes me crazy.
Thanks about the picture. It’s so super special to me. 🙂
This post, as my dear friend Alex might say, is FULL OF WIN. Yes. We get lots of wonderful comments and we love our friends and co-horts to pieces. But damned if the inappropriate, clueless crap doesn’t fry our asses now and then!
Awwww, thanks Erica! At the end of the day, it’s all worth it, but this stuff really does piss me off and it’s nice to get a chance to have a snit. 🙂
Well, all panties and socks SHOULD be white. That is the one twue way.
I totally agree with all your points here. I’ve experienced the comment section hijacking on a pic before and it really annoys me.
It’s SO ANNOYING. I just want to punch someone when they do that. -_-
You put 100’s of naked pictures online for anyone to see and reveal intimate details of your life on the web. If you’re going to subject yourself to that much exposure, you better grow a thicker skin. Public life, and yes, you have made your life public to a certain extent, comes with a price. Your plaintive blog post may gain the sympathy of friends but will not dissuade the trolls. Fair? No. Reality? Yes.
Thanks for your comment.
I’ve been doing this for a fairly long time, and I’m very comfortable with the choices that I’ve made in terms of modeling, blogging and general publicity. As a matter of fact, my skin is quite thick. I’m not sitting here crying and being hurt by this stuff. It’s just that over time, the same dumb shit that people do gets annoying.
Modeling is my job. Dealing with people who are critical and demanding is part of my job. Being public on the internet in terms of posting to Fetlife, my blog et cetera is part of my job. No one loves every part of their job. This is one of the parts that I’m not fond of.
At the end of the day, it’s worth it to me. I like what I do. I like the lifestyle that I live because of it. I like being part of the community. But I am entitled to have parts that I don’t like.
Besides, I didn’t write this thinking it would actually fix anything. I don’t have my head in the clouds. I wrote this because it’s funny to say “Yeah, that’s annoying.” “Yep, that person was dumb.” I know that these sorts of things will always happen. I’m usually a pretty positive person, but I’m okay with stepping back once in a while to be snark-faced.
There is a reason I never leave comments on pictures and it’s all of the above. I can understand that the Internet and the fact that it creates an immediacy between subject and viewer makes it possible for people to speak directly to the person in the picture. Couple that with the fact that being on the Internet emboldens some to simply say whatever they want and you get a lot of comments that are either rude or best left unwritten.
I don’t think it’s that hard to leave a comment that isn’t douchey, but I appreciate the idea that one would sooner not leave one than leave one that pisses others off. 🙂
I would sore that so hard.
That is one of the better offensive comments ever. 😛
I love this post as usual. You are honest and I agree with you on the comments. One that I would add to the list is the people saying that the would love for my to be there dominate or they would submit to me when I am not a dominate it says so right there on my page. I adore the picture of you and Malignus. Rainbow socks rock!!
It’s true! I get a lot of comments from men wanting me to spank them, which also makes me crazy, because I’m pretty straight forward about the idea that I’m not into doing that and that while I have a girl under consideration, it’s rare for me to be interested in Dominating someone. People are desperate sometimes. -_-
Thanks about the photo. It’s sweet, huh?
you are invited to follow my blog
Thanks for the invitation. It isn’t exactly up my alley, so I’m going to decline. Have a nice weekend!
As someone who rarely looks at or comments on your pictures
I can’t imagine anyone being so rude or mean.I enjoy all your pictures and could never imagine anyone else not doing the same.But then again,I rarely look at them 😉
All your comments always make me smile, BG. Please feel free to look at them however much you’d like. 🙂
Plaintive: adjective. Expressing sorrow or melancholy; mournful.
There was absolutely nothing plaintive about this post, nor was it a bid for sympathy. It was an expression of frustration and annoyance. Yes, we put ourselves out there, and we have to take the bad with the good. However, we’re more than the sum of our photos and videos; we’re human. And sometimes, things get to us. So we bitch a little. And then we’re done. Until the next batch of clueless idiots pisses us off. 🙂
Right on! You’re the best, Erica!
People can be OBNOXIOUS. Geez. I love fetlife for the good people and the community, etc .. but then you get those comments, or the creeper messages. The ones where someone really random sends the message that is very sexual and out of line. Not cool. Thankfully I think the good outweighs the bad there, but it is certainly a pain. Def enjoyed reading this post, and I love the picture of you and Malignus .. speaks a thousand words. 🙂
Yeah, those creeper sexual messages are awful. I also get a lot of marriage proposals, which are weird and make me pretty uncomfortable.
Thanks, regarding the picture. It makes me happy every time I see it.
I’m not on Fetlife, but I write personal posts and publish pictures and clips on Ludwig’s and my blog and I often take part in discussions on others sites and I can absolutely relate to your observations and feelings.
I am very lucky in that most of the commenters on our blog are well-mannered. But still, there are thoughtless and hurtful comments at times (all the more on less personal message boards). I am all for openness and honesty, but careful wording is key in my opinion when giving critical feedback.
And then there are of course Tumblr and other photo blogs on which pictures are often used without permission and without giving credit. Sometimes the watermarks are cropped out of our pictures as well. And some off the mark comments have been added to them, too.
What frustrates me the most, though, are commenters who think that they are entitled to having their personal fantasies or ideas fulfilled and who sulk or even become aggressive if one isn’t willing to do so. Similarly annoying is the “my personal preferences are everyone’s preferences” or the “everything that doesn’t fit to my personal preferences is (morally) wrong” approach. We usually don’t have that on our blog, but I often come across these approaches in discussions on other sites. Those are the people who write sentences like: “WE (don’t) want / like…” or “Everyone who wants to be spanked that hard / has that kind of fetish / likes anything other than M/F spankings is sick / wrong / mentally ill.”
Luckily, all these negative experiences are outweighed by far by the good experiences. People engaging in enlightening discussions. Friendly comments. People reposting pictures or excerpts from our posts because they like them and giving proper credit. And the best of all: Making new online friends and sometimes even having the chance to meet them in person. 🙂
Oh, and the picture you drew is really cute!
Yeah, the Tumblr people annoy me, especially when they don’t even associate my name with it, or they make up some other story to go with my photo. I wouldn’t mind that much if they just said who the picture was of, at least. Super lame.
I agree with you– it’s very frustrating when people want you to do exactly what they want. If you want a spanking to live out your fantasies, maybe you should find a girl and enact them. Geeze.
I also hate people telling one and other how things “should” be. It makes me crazy. Grrrr.
But you’re right! The bad far outweighs the good. 🙂
And thank you, regarding my drawing! 😀
As always, awesome blog. Rainbow socks are awesome. Okay, to the meat of the matter. It’s sucky we have to deal with the trolls. I wish there was way we can block the creepy comments with cat pictures…
Yay for cat pictures and rainbow socks! 🙂
Hey Alex, sorry I missed you in your last trip to LA. I read your blog often, and you are really making it into something excellent. I found this blog particularly entertaining as I get emails every day either from outraged fans of my spanking sites, happy fans, or fans with some pretty crazy suggestions and comments about the models I work with – sometimes similar to the comments you are talking about in this post. So I am smiling at your outrage while at the same time recognize that you are venting for entertainment value. Keep up the great work! I think you inspired me to blog in the near future about some of the crazy emails that I get.
Hey there, Cameraman!
I’m sorry we missed each other, too, but hopefully we can get together and maybe shoot next time I head out that way.
It makes me really happy that you’re reading my blog. I read yours as well, and would love to hear what crazy emails YOU get. There have to be oodles!
I gets lots of emails every day – and occasionally I get some comments on my blog – but you have easily surpassed me on getting followers to blog comment. So with that in mind, please comment on my blog from time to time. Keeps me going.
Alex what horrible people doing that ,love and spanks ,Timxx
Thank you for your support. Your comments are always lovely. 🙂
Gosh, people can be annoying. Don’t you wish that more sites had comment moderation? I tend to delete ones that get too explicit or rude.
Yeah, I delete the ones that are inappropriate, too, but it still makes me a bit annoyed to just see them. Ugggh.
It really is a shame that you have to put up with stuff like this. I’m just always grateful to see new pics of you and I try my best to make that clear by marking them as “Love This” and leaving positive feedback. I know I can be repetitive sometimes ( I need more superlatives for “Outstanding”, “Beautiful” etc.) but I at least have common sense to know that the pics you post are what YOU like. I’m not about to criticize any photo because it doesn’t live up to my personal fantasy, which is what I think most of the jackasses are doing. I’m just glad you share the pics you share, especially since you’re under no obligation to post them for ANYONE’s benefit other than your own.