Sometime after what shall forever be referred to as “The Bunny Incident,” YS, Ten, Drlectr and Malignus were hanging out with ellee and I in the downstairs common area (AKA “ellee and Alex’s Coloring Area”) and more spanking fun was had. I have trouble identifying the order of events at this point, but there were several very fun scenes: at one point, ellee, Ten and I were in a row bent over the pool table as Malignus and YS spanked us with their belts. They both have very well-worn belts, and they were using them in a most enjoyable way (that is to say, not murdering us!) and as one of them worked their way down the line, the three of us yelped like some kind of cute musical instrument.
I think next was when Ten spanked ellee, taking her “being spanked by a girl” cherry. That was an adorable scene, and I really enjoyed watching Ten’s toppy side. She was supposedly spanking ellee for taking 90 seconds too long to get YS a beer earlier in the afternoon, and she made her count to 90 strokes, but she kept losing count and those in the audience kept tricking her into saying lower numbers. At one point, Ten started over from the start. I like spankings with “audience participation” like that. Lots of fun. Plus, ellee is seriously the cutest spankee I’ve ever seen. She squeaks and squeals and wiggles and I am in love with her butt.
|Cutest ever! Photo of ellee used with permission|
Malignus also demonstrated the horrors of Jenny to all the girls (you can see the marks on ellee above). Here are mine:
Later, we attended a wedding that was held in the cabin and officiated by Megan. It was a really moving ceremony, and included “You may now spank the bride!” I look forward to when the day comes that I get spanked in my wedding dress. In the meantime, it was awesome fun to attend a wedding without putting on pants.
Later that night, I got “caught up with” regarding the bunny incident. I got a short but thorough caning. There was something really enjoyable about hanging out with friends and then being marched downstairs into the other room to get spanked. It felt like the world was right: we all knew what we did and no one was judging us. In fact, they were listening at the top of stairs as I was crying out and yelping. When I came back up they were laughing and smiling and such things. For some reason, that was the time when I was the most aware of this feeling in the cabin.
That evening, I got to have some topping fun with ellee:
Later that night, YS spanked Ten for a long time and it made his hand explode horribly! I’d only seen this happen to this scale once before, and it took like, a week to get there.
It was a good thing it happened on the last night, though, because otherwise it would have been sad rest of the party for him. It did mean that I didn’t get spanked by him as much as I’d like to, but I’ll be visiting them in the future and I’m sure that will mean lots of spanking time. 😀
There’s still a little more to be said for what happened that night, but I’ll hopefully be able to finish the rest of the stories tomorrow in Chapter 4. I hope you’re not bored yet!
Shortly after my sjamboking, ellee and YoggSothoth (who I shall now refer to as YS to save time on typing) got up and I started hanging out with them more. ellee and I were going to start coloring, something which we’d been looking forward to for a long time, when we heard that people were going outdoors to do outside spankings. This sounded like something that we wanted to participate in, so we found our shoes and jackets. Unfortunately, I had previously been wearing jeans. I packed them because I figured that jeans are a good thing to wear out in the woods. I forgot one key detail: this was a SPANKING party. (See also: my feelings on pants.) Because of this, I had decided that I was only going to wear panties on the lower half of my body for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, it’s winter and it was cold outside, so I had to put something on, so I settled for my Bambi fuzzypants. I also had the difficulty of having a long coat: Malignus says it makes me look like a crazy lady, but I argue that it’s warm and when you don’t wear pants, you need all the extra warmth you can get! When I reached the log which all the other bottoms were bent over (and some were already getting spanked!) I realized that I would have to leave my coat off.
Getting spanked while over a log in the woods was my first real interaction with a couple of the tops who were there. The swats hurt a little bit, even over my pants, especially because it was cold and the tops were using paddles and straps and such things, but mostly, my reaction was to laugh, because it was super fun to be getting spanked in a row with a bunch of other girls in the middle of the woods. I was also right next to ellee, and we were holding hands some of the time. Fun!
At some point while this was happening, Malignus started messing around with a little sapling that was growing in the ground near the fallen tree we were all bent over. He uprooted it (it still had a pretty complete root system) and directed me back into position. I was seriously cracking up about the idea of getting spanked with an entire tree. I was surprised when he hit me: I figured it was going to be a light and playful swat. I guess “light and playful” and “entire tree” don’t really go together. (Arguably, “light and playful” and “Malignus hitting Alex” don’t really go together most of the time, either.) Anyway, it hurt a lot. It was the thuddiest thing I’ve ever been hit with, which is really not surprising. He gave me four or five hard strokes while the other girls looked on in a combination of horror and amusement. I still have a bruise from that tree.
After beating me with an entire tree, he pulled a fairly thick and intimidating looking switch and gave me about ten strokes with that. The fact that I had my only switching experience on a cold bottom and thighs in the middle of the woods after being hit with a tree doesn’t really allow me to give a fair and balanced opinion of it, but I did get over some of my terror regarding getting longer switchings in the future. I did scream my head off into the woods, though. He then gave another girl three strokes with it (which she later described as the most painful thing she had experienced in her life that far!) and then gave Megan a few. Megan might have even less of a sense of self preservation than I do: she opted to pull her jeans down to get the switch. 0_0
We then went back up to the house and ellee and I got to work on our coloring. This was interrupted by YS giving ellee a strapping, and later, by him doing the same to me for the first time. Getting spanked by him was pretty exciting. It’s rare that I meet someone whose Dominance I immediately want to respect, but I felt that way about YS. I felt like calling him “Sir” almost immediately, making him only the fourth person I’ve habitually used an honorific with, ever. When I got in position for him to spank me, he told me to ask for it (I’d just seen the way that ellee had done this). In most circumstances, when someone other than Malignus gives me an order (outside of things we’d discussed for a scene) I get all scrunchy faced. I might even respond with “don’t you fucking tell me what to goddamn do!” But when YS told me to ask for my spanking, I didn’t even hesitate before saying “Please spank me, Sir.” It’s rare but lovely to find someone whose Dominance inspires me, and it made playing with him very enjoyable. He spanked me quite hard with a London Tanners’ strap. It was lovely.
Later, Malignus took a nap, YS went off to smoke a cigar with another Top and ellee and I were left unsupervised with our coloring. As I previously mentioned, ellee is a doctor. One of the things that she brought with her was her prescription pad. Ever since I moved from Los Angeles, I’ve wanted a pet. Specifically, I want a bunny. I wanted a cat, but I knew that would never happen, so a bunny seemed like the next best thing. I was totally in love with Ami’s bunny, Tomato, until it died.
|RIP Tomato 🙁|
I happened to know that ellee had amazingly adorable bunnies that were full of love and cuddles, and that one of them licked her face and cuddled her and stuff. We’d been endeavoring to get me a bunny for a long time, and we’d come up with what seemed like a perfect plan. ellee would write me a prescription for one. She got out her prescription paper and filled it out so that it was super official. She prescribed me one mini-rex bunny rabbit (live) for cuddling, with one refill (so I could have two! Bunnies are best in pairs). She signed and dated it and everything.
Earlier in the day, ellee had her doctor stuff out and was looking at Malignus’ eye (which was adorable, because she kept jumping up and down with excitement about it) and had also tested some of my reflexes and found that some were hypersensitive. When Malignus got up from his nap and ellee and I presented him with the prescription, she started with this information. She said a few serious doctor things, and then said something about scientific accuracy and peer review. Then Malignus looked at what the prescription was for and got immediately grumpy. ellee and I were pretty much rolling around on the ground laughing. We couldn’t let it go and kept saying things about how I was going to get a bunny and it was going to cuddle and love me, and finally, Malignus grabbed ellee by the arm and lead her towards the bedroom. While he was arranging things on the bed so that he could give her a spanking, she hid in the closet. It was a mini, half sized closet, so Malignus didn’t even think to look there when he turned around and discovered that she wasn’t there. He advanced toward me with “the look” on his face and demanded that I tell him where she was, but all I could squeak out was “she’s not here!” He turned to go look for her upstairs, but ellee was laughing too hard in the closet and gave herself away (which is good, because I would have eventually had to tell on her, and that would have been sad!)
|Artistic rendering of ellee hiding from Malignus in the closet|
Anyway, he found her, pulled her over his lap and spanked her very thoroughly, until she was saying she was sorry and and apologizing for misusing her medical privileges and I’m not sure what else. For a second, it might have seemed that I had gotten off free, but Malignus informed me that he wanted to wait until I had healed from my earlier spankings (including the sjamboking, the tree-ing and switching) before he gave me mine. I was very 0_0 at that news.
I’m not even halfway through telling the stories of the first full day at the cabin! I haven’t even gotten to 4:00 PM yet! This is going to be a long series of posts. Stay tuned! More tomorrow!
I’ve never been to a spanking party before. I’ve been to play parties and to dungeons before, and I’ve been to a few things that are ALMOST like a spanking party. For example, I once hung out with my best friend, HeatherFeather, another spanko girl, another BDSM bottom who was somewhat into spanking and Malignus at what was at the time just his apartment (which is now where I live) and had lots of spanking adventures.
Then there was the Halloween party at Threshold where a number of spankos (including me, Christy Cutie and Porcelain Ass) and a bunch of BDSM people who are fond of spanking hung out. It was a party and there were spankos and spanking! Almost like a spanking party, right?
There was also the hotel party that took place right before left Los Angeles. There were about ten people and lots of spankings happened. I even got spanked by one of my friends who was wearing a panda suit at the time. Good, good times!
Still, none of these have been extended and dedicated spanking parties, and that’s about to change. This weekend I’m going to a small, private spanking party. It isn’t going to be anything like a large party, but it will have some pretty significant new experiences.
First of all, everyone who will be in attendance is a spanko, despite being from all walks of life. I’ve never been in a large group of spankos for more than a few hours at a time. That’s an exciting prospect for me. Secondly, there will be a lot of people there who I’ve never met before. In fact, the only person I’ll have met in person before will be Malignus. That said, two of the people who are going are good internet friends of mine, which makes things slightly less intimidating. Still, meeting a whole bunch of people can be really scary. I don’t even really know what people do at these kinds of parties, but I figure that there aren’t too many rules and regulations for it.
Another thing which is on my mind is the fact that I’ll be playing with people for the first time there.
I hear Tops talk from time to time about getting performance anxiety before spanking a girl, especially for the first time. They worry that they won’t do it hard enough, or that they’ll do it too hard and scare her off, or that they’ll do something that she misinterprets as creepy. They worry that they’ll mess up their reputations as good, trustworthy spankers.
I’ve never heard another bottom express this, but I get this. This is totally different than my generalized spankoanxiety, which is something that I’ve made great strides towards lessening by simply getting closer and closer to fully accepting myself for who and what I am. I just worry that the kind of bottom that I am won’t be desirable to the Tops that I engage with. What if I cry too much? What if I’m not snarky enough? Will they find spanking me boring because I just lie there and take it and there isn’t any struggle? Will I seem like a wet blanket because I don’t really engage in “the game” of getting spanked for being a brat?
I know that a lot of the other girls who are going (the party is pretty much M/f) enjoy playful bratting and that’s not really my forté. I like being good. I’m not kidding when I say that. I’ve recently been watching a lot of videos to try and learn how to be snarkier when I’m filming (especially videos with Erica in them, because she’s the most clever) but I still have trouble imagining myself acting that way when I wasn’t… acting. My hope is that people will just accept that I’m the way that I am and not think that it makes me a lamesauce wet-blanket. But I’m nothing if not an insecure worrier with a deep-seated obsession with the idea that no one will like me, so it keeps popping up.
My guess is that everything will be great and that it will be a learning experience for me. I’ll get to see the way that other people in the scene interact with each other and learn more about other attitudes towards TTWD. I also plan to have some serious cuddle time with one particularly adorable spanko bottom Doctor and to get some lessons in how to be really good at drawing kitties, to do some super fun baking, to make new friendships and strengthen ones that have thus far only existed online and maybe to try some exciting new things.
So here I am, with that combination of terror and extreme excitement that always comes with new things but especially comes with new spanking related things. I turn to you, dear readers! Have you ever been to spanking parties? If so, what was your first one like? What advice would you have for a girl attending her first one? Do you ever get “performance anxiety” before having a scene with a new person? What do you do to combat it?
When we left Colorado Springs, we were done with the most exciting segment of our adventures. There were no more friends to visit between there and my new home in South Dakota, and we had to cross the worst state ever: Wyoming.
If I have any readers who live in Wyoming, I apologize for hating your state, but I really, really do. And I understand how you feel getting your state hated on, because I am originally from New Jersey and pretty much no one likes New Jersey. But I have to say, Jersey is eighty five million times better than Wyoming. You know why? Because there are things in New Jersey.
There is NOTHING in Wyoming. We couldn’t play the Alphabet Game, because there weren’t even signs to get letters off of. I decided that it was the capsaicin of states: horrible agony, and you have no idea when it’s going to end.
Like all things awful, though, our trip through Wyoming did eventually end. We spent a night in Nebraska at a hotel, and then finished up the our driving the next day. From there, I got to work settling into my new life. It hasn’t been entirely easy, although it is quite simple, but it *has* been entirely rewarding.
I know this is incredibly late, but Malignus, HeatherFeather and I had our first Thanksgiving together. I made a turkey that was full of epic win:
as well as additional stuffing, rolls, mashed potatoes (which HeatherFeather made), pan gravy, asparagus, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and peach pie. I made the pie crusts from scratch without a rolling pin, because I’m a total BAMF.
It was a delicious day, and I am truly thankful for my new life, for all the support my friends from coast to coast and beyond have given me, for the internet spanking community, for an amazing sister like HeatherFeather, and, of course, for Malignus. I have an amazing created family, a man I love and who loves me in return, a plethora of amazing friends all around the world, a home, safety, a job and food. I get to spend my free time with people I love doing things that I enjoy, learning, enriching others lives and getting my bottom thoroughly reddened. Basically, I have everything a spanko girl could want, and I really, really appreciate it. <3
Anyway, not to be upstaged by my culinary delights, Malignus made a turkey of his own (on my inner thigh):
The drawing was done by HeatherFeather, for Malignus does not draw cute animals, even when agony is involved :P.
I swear, when he hits me this way, I could probably go to a palm reader and have his fortune told by the marks on my thighs. It’s kind of fascinating. And horrible. Horribly fascinating? Why not? 😛
Now that I feel like I’ve finally gotten caught up on all the interesting or fun stuff which has happened recently AND been mushy, I can return to my regularly scheduled programing, so expect frequent updates with thought provoking insights and photos of my butt!
Well, after my rather somber post the other day, it’s time to return to my adventures and stories. I hope everyone missed me :P.
Anyway, on to the rest of my trip!
We left Los Angeles directly from Threshold and drove to Las Vegas. It was a sad departure, but I was excited to be on the road to new places, to meet new people and to start my new life.
We arrived in Vegas fairly late and ended up going to bed fairly early. I still find staying in hotels exciting, and this was by far the nicest one I’d ever been in.
|Don’t I look cozy?|
We spent the next day on the strip, which was full of win. We walked around trying to see everything we possibly could from what seems like dawn to dusk. When we were finished, the bottoms of my feet were bruised.
|Aren’t we the best ever?|
There wasn’t a ton of spanking during the Vegas portion of the trip: we were busy, I was still extremely emotional from moving and a few other things made it not ideal. However, when HeatherFeather and I were waiting around for Malignus in front of one of those places where they fill your face in a photo, we came across this:
We both turned neon red, but for the first time ever, I was able to keep looking at something spanking related in a public, vanilla setting. I guess the reaction has gone from wanting to throw up to having fits of giggles, which is what HeatherFeather and I end up doing every time we look at kitchen stores. 😛
From Vegas, we drove to Salt Lake to visit a good friend and her family there. We were in a vanilla, family setting, so there was extremely little spanking conversation going on, but when we did steal away for a moment as “just grown ups” we giggled even more than usual. Salt Lake City was incredibly beautiful and very, very dry. The three of us weren’t used to the elevation, and I kept getting nose bleeds >_<. Also, my friend there has pretty much the greatest children I’ve ever, ever met. Just saying.
|Utah is pretty!|
I was sad that I didn’t realize that lea lives in SLC until after I was about to head out, because it would have been awesome to meet up with her.
From Utah, we drove to Colorado Springs, where I visited with Ami. I absolutely adore Ami. She’s one of the best people ever. We had a bunch of fun, and she took really beautiful photos of the three of us at Garden of the Gods.
|I <3 HeatherFeather! Photo by Ami.|
Because we were at a spanko house, I got a couple of good, hard spankings, which did wonders for my mood. Additionally, Malignus proved the point that he can make ANYTHING hurt by spanking us with my feather duster and making it actually painful. That’s ridiculous! It’s covered in FEATHERS. >_<
One night, while we were driving back to Ami’s place from having visited someone in Bolder, Malignus fell asleep in the car and HeatherFeather, Ami and I started sharing Spanko Stories. We talked about how we first discovered our desires, the way that they haunted us as children, times when we got “caught” and how people reacted, the embarrassing things that we did to try to act out or cope with the things we wanted and the deep, dark feeling that there was something horribly wrong with us for the things that we wanted. I know that all spankos go through the same thing, but there was something amazing about being in the flesh with two other girls who lived through the same sort of thing as I did when I was young and knowing that now, the three of us have a happy life where we are able to enjoy getting our bottoms bared and thoroughly spanked by men that we care for and respect. Being in the company of hard-wired spankos is truly magical for me. I really do equate it to going to Hogwarts or Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters or something like that. There’s a whole secret world out there, where we are normal and get to celebrate the things that were previously a source of shame. Driving in that car with the man I love asleep next to me and two girls who I truly love like sisters, I felt a sense of comfort and love that I’ve rarely come to allow myself to feel. It was an amazing moment.
Adventures will continue tomorrow (for real!)
I’m back! For real this time!
I’m all settled in at my new home with Malignus in South Dakota. I finished the majority of my unpacking today. It looks a little odd to see my smiley, cute stuff in a place that I previously thought of as “his”, but I’m getting used to the idea of it as “ours.” HeatherFeather is still visiting with us: she traveled with us and has been helping me get settled in. She’s an amazing scene-sister: she supports me in ways that help me to grow and defeat problems, and she never fails to make me laugh hysterically. I’m going to miss her when she leaves on Monday >_<.
Because I’ve been away from the internet for a while, I have quite a few stories to share from my adventures. I’ll be taking a few days to get caught up with them, and then I’ll be back to posting things as they actually happen ;).
Things started in Los Angeles- HeatherFeather and Malignus arrived, and we spent the next two nights in a hotel. We had a few of the people I’ve become close to over for a play-party the first night. It was a ton of fun. I got spanked by one of my friends while he was wearing a panda suit, we ordered room service, Porcelain Ass abused everyone in sight with a sadistick (pure evil! I’m very glad we don’t own one!), and MaskofNormality presented me with a gift that he made me:
It’s ridiculously solid and really, really hurts on impact. It has beautiful craftsmanship, and I get kind of emotional over all the love and effort that went into its creation whenever I see it.
It’s okay for you all to say “AWWWW!”
I also got this great gift at the hotel party:
Because nothing says “I love you” like hand-shaped welts on the inside of your thighs. These were hard: the individual finger marks swelled up like cane-welts and the bruises were still hand-shaped four days later.
The next day was a little rough: I had a hard time saying “goodbye” to everyone at the final PTNG social, and packing the car was stressful. Princesstoy came over to the hotel room, because she didn’t make it to the party, and brought me an adorable bow that she hand made me. Malignus gave her a beating while I bantered with them, and then she got a course in advanced spanking technique using me as the learning dummy. Near the end of the evening, Malignus hit me with Princesstoy’s Evil Stick from Hell©, which, as expected, hurt a lot. I still maintain that it was not as bad as our stupid, extra thick lexan paddle, though.
On Sunday, we headed to Bizzarre Bazaar at Threshold after packing all my stuff up. It was the best way to end my time in LA: nearly all my friends from the scene came out, and I got smothered in hugs and affection. Bizzarre Bazaar is an anual event in which Threshold has vendors and “tasting booths” set up. The tasting booths allow you to learn more about or participate in a particular kink activity. In an indeed bizarre turn of events, I participated in three of these booths which had NOTHING TO DO WITH SPANKING!
First, I tried wax play:
That’s me! Alex Reynolds! Covered in wax! Unprecedented!
The wax play was extremely relaxing: it wasn’t painful at all and it just felt warm and snuggly on my back. It didn’t do anything for me (or even really feel kinky) but it was super nice, and I’d do it again for the “feeling good” factor.
Next, this happened:
That’s a needle. In my body.
The play-piercing experience was less relaxing than the wax play, by quite a bit. I’ve had my fair share of experience with needles in the past, but in every case they’ve either gone straight in and then straight out again, or they’ve gone through something and out the other side (when I got my ears and septum pierced back in the day). The whole “going into the skin” part wasn’t scary at all, and it didn’t hurt that much, but when it started to come out the other side, and I was aware that it was under my top few skin layers, I started to panic a bit. I hyperventalated a little, but the piercer was calming and Malignus was there with me (I would not have done it otherwise, I don’t think) and he was gently rubbing the back of my neck and playing with my hair and I quickly regained composure.
There were two booths set up which scared me a bit: the Violet Wand booth and the Fire Cupping booth. Violet Wand bothers me because of the noise: it reminds me of something of a non-consensual nature from my early life and I find it deeply unsettling. Malignus encouraged me to choose to associate it more with the sound of a tattoo gun, with which I have pleasant memories associated, and that did help quite a bit. Fire Cupping freaked me out because I have a fear of having my blood suctioned out of my body through my skin. I got this from some movie when I was a kid, I think, and it’s never left me. At first, I didn’t even want to look at the cupping while it was happening to other people. Malignus explained how it worked to me and reassured me that it wasn’t going to be horrible, and near the end of the day, I was willing to try it.
I’m not going to lie: I didn’t like it. It hurt in a weird way: especially the big one in the center. The one stayed on my back and kept hurting for a couple of days, too. I didn’t panic or freak out, though, but I think there was some whimpering happening. I was pleased with myself for doing it, though.
After the event was over, we said our final (nearly tearful) goodbyes and hit the road to Vegas.
To be continued tomorrow 😀
When I woke up the morning after, my butt looked like this:
|Excuse all the packing that is going on in the background.|
On Saturday night, MaskofNormality, Princesstoy and I had dinner together at a Thai restaurant, where we were the only patrons and we talked quietly about kink things the entire time. We also had delicious coconut ice cream. Mmmmm! I already had my makeup on for my second costume, so it was a little strange to the waitress, I think.
From there, we went to the Bordello of Decadence: a play space in Rosemead. It was my first time there and I was really only going because it was a Halloween party and a lot of my friends were there. Pretty shortly upon arriving, I met up with my friend Porcelain Ass, who was dressed as a school girl. Princesstoy was dressed as a sailor girl and MaskofNormality was dressed as Max from “Where the Wild Things Are.” His was pretty much my favorite halloween costume ever. He made it himself and it looked EXACTLY like I imagined Max’s outfit would in real life. He even made fuzzy shoe covers. I couldn’t stop hugging him because it was so cute. I was wearing a pink hamster suit. It was fleecy and warm, though, so halfway through the night I stripped down to my panties and tanktop and ran around like that.
[I might be adding a photo here. I am waiting for permission from my friend who is also in it.]
I didn’t play at this party, but I did get to watch an awesome scene between MaskofNormality and Princesstoy. Princesstoy positively shrieks when she gets spanked hard! They were horror movie screams. MoN did an awesome job topping: he’s usually a bottom, but he totally pwnd Princesstoy, all while wearing his fuzzy outfit 😀 Epic. Win.
I was still super sore from my spanking yesterday, especially on the areas that were covered which were previously under-spanked: Sir Siq was able to get different “territory” because he was standing on the other side of me while I was over Maddycake’s lap. Sore bottom + fleecy pajama material = mmmmmmm. Positively cozy. The weather outside was cool and foggy and it made me look forward to this winter, when I can come in from the cold, get warmed up by a good spanking and then cuddle up in something warm.
I’d be lying if I said that BoD was a favorite playspace: it doesn’t have any private rooms, and I don’t think there are any places there where I would be able to get into a good headspace during a scene. It did, however, have a good layout for socializing and pretty nice snacks :). In all, it was certainly a nice play for a big party, but not somewhere that I would go with the intention of playing.
BoD is across the street from a graveyard, and as we were walking out the sky was a bit too light for the time of night it was, but the street was heavy with fog. It was perfect murder weather. That made the night even more Halloween-y.
On Sunday, Maddycake came over again and we did literally all the rest of my packing (except the things I’ll need for the next 10 days) and had lots of snuggles. I’m going to miss all the people I’ve talked about in this entry way too much. On a side note, Monday and today have been a bit gloomy for me: part of it is the drop from having spent the weekend surrounded by all my favorite Los Angeles people. Part of it is the weather: it has stayed gray and rainy over here. Part of it is the fact that now that all my stuff is packed up, my apartment feels weird and sad. There’s also the fact that I’ve been worrying about making friends and whether or not I’ll be liked in my new community once I move to South Dakota. I spent most of my life being awkward and generally unpopular, so it’s a hard worry to shake. I’ll be with Malignus, and that fills me with glee and happiness, but I’m going to need some other friends, especially girls who want to squee over kitties and cute fuzzy stuff (when Malignus isn’t around). I know a few people online and I’ve met a couple of people in person who seem pretty awesome, so hopefully things will work out for me in that department.
Finally, I’m shooting with Chelsea Pfieffer on Friday and Lily Starr again on the first of the month. Pretty exciting stuff!
I’m back to my regularly scheduled program, so expect posting to go back to its normal pace.
It’s been about five days since I last posted. That’s unusual for me! I love blogging and aspire to do it every day, if I can. That said, I’ve been a busy, busy girl.
In case anyone hasn’t heard me talking excitedly about it recently, I’m moving to South Dakota soon: in fact, I’m leaving Los Angeles in less than two weeks. There’s an awful lot to do, getting ready to move halfway across the country, by car, to a different climate, after having lived in the same place for two years. My time has been pretty divided between productivity: packing, sorting, cleaning, organizing, preparing and enjoying the time that I have left with my friends out here. As I’ve said before, they’re awesome people who I am going to miss a great deal, and I’m very glad that I’ll be visiting them frequently.
Thursday was my last munch with the Pasadena Roses and Thorns. Their December 2010 munch was my first public kink event of all time, and I’ve really enjoyed all the relationships I’ve built there. It was a fun but bittersweet evening. Maybe I cried a little bit over it. Maybe. Everyone knows, Alex never cries. 😛
This weekend, I got a lot of “to do’s” crossed off my list, and I got to spend quality time with a lot of friends. This included some of the best kind of time: time spent across a lap.
On Friday night, I went to Fetnoir’s “Procrasta-ween” party at Threshold with Maddy and her Daddy, Sir Siq. Sir Siq has become my unofficial protector within the local scene: I *can* take care of myself, but sometimes, having a 6’4″ man behind me is a comforting thing, especially when I’m prancing around a dungeon in something skimpy and ridiculous like this:
The party was very small: there was a larger event going on at a different play-space that night. Still, the people in attendance were good people, and three can be a party of itself. We had some snacks and hung out a bit, because Sir Siq and I were basically going to die of hunger when we arrived. Then we went into a black light room and Maddycake and I danced around for a while. Sir Siq was dressed as a soldier and had two airsoft guns with him as part of his costume. Have you ever been shot with an airsoft gun before? I had, in passing, over a layer or two of clothes. Mostly, I’d only been grazed with them. Like most things, airsoft guns hurt a lot more when you get hit with them directly on your bare bottom.
Sir Siq drew a target on each side of Maddycake’s butt and had her bend over a bench in the private room we were in. Then he shot her directly on the first target. Then she exploded.
Not literally, of course. She just freaked out, jumping up and shouting and hopping around. It took coaxing to get her back down for the other side (including promises that I believe have not yet been fulfilled) but he eventually took the second shot. I stood back and watched her freak out and complain of the extreme hurt. Have you ever heard of the term “morbid curiosity”? I’ve never understood the evolutionary purpose of such a thing. Anyway, I’ve got a bad case of that. “I tried this thing! It totally sucked!” my friends say and I say “OOOOH! WILL HE DO IT TO ME?!”
A few minutes later, I was the one with the targets on my bare bottom. Being shot with an airsoft gun is the strongest example of pain-lag that I’ve ever felt during a scene. I’ve read descriptions of people having a full second or two of lag behind the impact and full experience of pain from a caning, and while I agree that there’s a secondary pain which is much worse than the primary in those cases, it’s never taken all that long for me to experience it. With the airsoft gun, it took at least three seconds. I had long enough to stand up and look at Maddycake with one eyebrow raised, because I didn’t feel anything really. Then all the sudden, pain appeared. It felt like a hard cane stroke, only instead of being a line of hurt, it was concentrated into a dot of agony. It developed into a little welt that looks a bit like a bug bite. Then, I got back in position and he shot me on the other side. The second of anything is at least twice as difficult to relax through, and I did a good effort at stoicism but totally squealed when I got hit this time: before it even started to hurt. I’m not about to do this all the time, obviously, but it was very cool to find out what it was like.
We went and watched a class on Mummification Play (it fit the Halloween theme!) which was interesting. I’m clearly not about to engage in it, but it is always interesting for me to learn the how and why of another kind of play so that I can better know what my fellow kinksters are experiencing.
After the class, the three of us went into my favorite room at Threshold (the one where Princesstoy topped me) so that Maddycake could spank me. She sat down on the bench and I went over her lap, which was very nice: I think the last time I had a thorough spanking while OTK was in September, during this scene, and I am pretty much addicted to that position. Maddycake was dressed as a fuzzy, pink kitten and I had my Pikachu backpack to hug (I avoided putting my face on it because I had makeup on and didn’t want to mess him up) so it was a much more adorable spanking than I usually get. Maddycake also had on fuzzy, pink paws as part of her costume, and between volleys of spanks, she would rub my butt with the paw. Usually, I’ve been rather “whatever” about sensation play, but this was extremely nice. It’s not something I’d want to incorporate into my regular play, but every once and again, it would be super enjoyable.
After Maddycake’s arm got tired (she’s not usually a top :P) Sir Siq took over while I was still over Maddycake’s lap. He stood on the other side of the bench and spanked me with all the implements I had with me and did a very thorough job of it. I tend to talk about how I don’t like playing with non-spanko purists, but he created an atmosphere which worked extremely well for me and he had great physical spanking skill. I had my blue, rubber “running track” paddle with me, and near the end, he focused on using that because it was making the strongest reaction. I wailed and shrieked (because in a dungeon you’re allowed to be noisy!) and in the end, cried (while Maddycake was rubbing my back with the fuzzy paw). I didn’t realize just how much I needed to be spanked to tears right then until I got there, but I was able to let a ton of stress go. When the spanking was finished, I lay in position and hadn’t a care in the world: I just cuddled there feeling happy and content. Sir Siq put my Pikachu under my arm for me to cuddle and Maddycake rubbed me with the paw some more. It was lovely to feel so safe among my friends.
After a bit, I got up and checked out my butt, then we got photos:
Later, Sir Siq gave Maddycake a beating and I helped out: I worked on her butt a bit while he was cropping her on the back and later, I provided banter and under-bus-throwing. It was nice to watch them play, too: they have very good energy in a scene. Afterwards, Maddycake and I had the fun of having sore bottoms together and that’s always a lot of fun. Maddycake and Sir Siq played together until the club was about to close, so once that was finished, it was time to get home and into bed. I had another big day coming up on Saturday… [to be continued, tomorrow!]
The other day, I got something exciting in the mail: it was a package from my very good, online friend, bottomgrl. She had told me in advance that it was not a present, but a “prize” for being awesome. We’re weird like that. 🙂
I opened it in the car on the way home from the Post Office and discovered that it contained two absolutely awesome pairs of Halloween panties. I had been whining about wanting Halloween panties earlier, and these ones are pretty perfect for my needs:
The photos aren’t great, because I took them in Photobooth on my laptop when no one else was home, but these ones say “Whooooooooooo’s Scared?” I intend to wear these when I’m feeling overly confident and slightly cheeky. What? Me? Afraid of a little spanking? Ha!
I was totally overjoyed that she thought of me and presented me with this prize for my awesomeness.
Additionally, I recently got a package that I couldn’t immediately figure out who it was from, but which turned out to be from my friends who shall be referred to as Peach and IG. I met Peach through vanilla channels: she’s an absolute sweetie, and a total spanko, but she hasn’t reached the point where she’s comfortable participating in the community yet, even online. IG is her boyfriend and Dominant. He’s a clever and slightly intimidating garden-variety sadist; that is to say, he’s not a spanko. He’s certainly fond of spanking Peach, but it holds no greater enjoyment for him than any other method of inflicting pain on her would. I find their relationship very interesting in that regard: part of me has always thought that in a perfect world, spankos would partner with spankos all the time. I’ve learned that a variety of people make it work, either with a different type of kinkster or with an open-minded vanilla partner. Peach and IG don’t blog, but they are comfortable with me sharing some of their stories here every now and again, when I find them interesting or relevant. 🙂
Peach has had some very serious health problems for the past few months, and is currently unable to engage in any impact play (on her kink-friendly doctor’s orders). I can’t imagine how sad that would be: to be with your primary spanker and not be able to be spanked for MONTHS. I was unable to be spanked for a day and a half while visiting Malignus the last time because my skin got…a little messed up in places. I needed the time to heal. It drove me absolutely insane. I seriously cried when I asked to be spanked and he refused. It was one of those situations, though, where he thought of the long term and I was caught up in the moment. I appreciate being taken care of that way, even when it’s sad, and I know that Peach does, too: it’s just a hard time for her. IG has, in the meantime, found creative ways to be a jerkface to her without violating the terms set down by the doctor (some of which are so awful that I wouldn’t dare share them here or else they might get used against me), but it’s obviously not the same.
Despite the fact that she’s not doing particularly well, Peach has been an extremely supportive friend for me recently, and she’s been sharing in my joy and excitement about my upcoming move to be with Malignus, which I really appreciate. I really like having friends who can be glad for me even when they are sad for themselves. Probably a combination of Peach’s happiness and IG’s leftover sadism lead them to send me a gift from cane-iac:
IG is fond of giving me slightly strange new things to experiment with: he’s the one who was responsible for that blue, rubber paddle that kind of looks like it was made out of a running track, among other horrible things.
This package included (from left to right) a green acrylic paddle, a black polypropylene paddle, a polyethylene “Smack” stick, a two strand mini-acrylic cane and an 18 inch rattan cane. I’m not entirely sure what the difference is between the three kinds of plastic: as far as I can tell, they are all just “not as mean as lexan.”
I’m excited to try them out, even if they are, as always, a bit scary. There’s something very enjoyable about getting beaten with something purchased or made for you by a friend, though. It’s as if their energy gets involved in the spanking somehow, because of the association.
Has anyone else ever gotten or given implements as gifts? Do you like the practice, or does it just seem like a physical way of throwing your friends under the bus?
Hope everyone is having a good weekend!
For my entire Spanko Life, I’ve kept my vanilla friends entirely in the dark with regard to my activities. Every once in a while, I mentioned to someone that I was slightly kinky, or sometimes I knew way more information about a subject than people felt I should, but unless someone else spoke first about their involvement in the kink community (or I found out some other way), I kept it to myself. I met a number of spankos in the vanilla world, but only because they dropped the first hint.
One night, shortly before I left to go visit my Dominant, Malignus, for the second time, I had a number of my friends over for a few drinks. I went to bed fairly early, and after I had, one of my female, vanilla friends opened up my computer to check something. In the past, I’d let my friends do this, but I generally checked and made sure that things were closed first.
Unfortunately, in this case, things were not closed. It was open to my fetlife profile. She’s generally a pretty shy girl, and I would have expected her to feel embarrassed and then close out of the page, but since she’d had a few drinks, she read everything. Then she looked at my photos. Then she looked at Malignus’ page. Then she read some group posts that I’d contributed to. I guess she found it very, very interesting.
The next day, she woke up feeling extremely guilty for having violated my privacy that way. Her reaction was adorable: she knew, due to her snooping, that I was leaving for a visit that would involve a considerable amount of spanking. So she went to the drug store and bought me some supplies that she thought I might need, as a way of showing me that she supported me and didn’t judge me for my deviant activities. It was maybe the cutest thing that ever happened. I didn’t begrudge her too much for snooping: after all, I only ever entered Spankingland in the first place because of engaging in a similar behavior (but that’s a story for another day).
|This was her “I accept you” gift bag’s contents 🙂|
The things she got me came in handy, by the way. I used up pretty much all of the First Aid Kit in the first couple of weeks I had it, and the hairbrush, while plastic, is ridiculously stingy and tear-inducing. The tears were then dried up with tissues. Finally, no spanko can ever have too many little things of lotion to carry around.
While I was pleasantly surprised by my friend’s adorable reaction to knowing about my private life, it didn’t make me expect that others would react the same way. I’ve heard horrible stories about what happened when people were outed to their families, and I do, from time to time, worry that such a thing might happen. At the same time, I’ve grown more comfortable with the idea of sharing the fact that this part of my life exists with a few of my vanilla friends.
The night before my first spanking modeling shoot, I was very, very excited. I was signed into Facebook and talking to a few of my guy friends. All three were people I met in my teens and had known for a number of years. None of them, like most of the people in my vanilla life, knew that I was a spanko. I believe that all three of them suspected that I was involved in kink in some way or another, but I had never actually told them anything. I was jittery with excitement and wanted to talk about my shoot, so I decided to let them know. They were good, open minded friends. I felt safe with it.
All three responded with a total lack of surprise. One confessed that he had seen my skirt flip up to show bruises once when we were at the mall during college. Another told me that he was fond of some light BDSM play himself, and a few days later, he made a fetlife account and friended me. The third told me that he’d been long curious about play with D/s themes and if he ever had the chance, he’d love to explore that side of things with me. I was pretty shocked by my 100 % success rate. Everyone I had “come out” to had basically responded with “Awesome!”
The other night, I started a conversation about my kink life with one of my long-distance partners. I met her in college and I love her very, very much. I’d never spoken with her about my spanking life very much, though. I was a little scared to: it’s scarier for me when I have a closer relationship with the person I’m confiding in, because if she *did* recoil in horror (which was extremely improbable, but still possible) I had much more to lose. She was very supportive of me, and told me that she had been going to munches and wanted to learn about being a domme.
I don’t expect this will always be the way, but it does make me feel more comfortable for the future. It also begs the question: is everyone I know secretly at least a little kinky? Am I just attracted to becoming friends with people with a taste for a less than vanilla existence? Do I just have damn good luck?
My experience with sharing this part of myself with vanilla friends has been really positive. It reinforces to me just how wonderful the people in my life are: the spankos, the kinksters and the vanillas alike. I’m very happy to know the people I do.
Have any of you shared your kinky side with vanillas in your life? How did they respond? Do you prefer to tell as many people as possible, or to keep it entirely private?