NOTE NUMBER THE FIRST: This entry has a lot of non spanking related photos in it. Know why? Because I’m on vacation. Kthnx.
NOTE NUMBER THE SECOND: Go ahead and play this in the background while reading this blog post. I’ve been kind of humming it to myself for the past few days. 🙂
NOTE NUMBER THE THIRD: The end of this gets mushy. You were warned!
I arrived in Los Angeles on Wednesday. R. picked me up from the airport and drove me back to my old apartment. It was lovely to be back in a place that was so familiar to me for a long time. I had an immediate sense of belonging as we took the Chinatown exit and R. slapped my thigh with gentle excitement. I was overjoyed to get to cuddle my kitties again, too. It’s hard to have a long distance relationship with a pet. 🙁
|Gizmo DID miss me! He snuggled me from the first minute I walked in the door!|
We spent some awesome time “catching up” and visiting and then went to a favorite Japanese restaurant in my old Little Tokyo stomping ground. Before the meal, R., Zeki, and I played a game of hangman. Those two know me pretty well: they got mine without missing a single letter and it wasn’t even in real English.
I went into the market there and checked out things that were once common parts of my life, but because I’d been away from them and living in a culture where they are not normal, had become novelties. I took photos like a tourist in the place where I once did my grocery shopping. I was jumping around with joy as I remembered just how common place adorable things are in Los Angeles.
|The amount of cuteness just overwhelmed me!|
|I DIDN’T buy a Hello Kitty Bunny Ice Cream Cone keychain because I’m trying to spend money like an adult!|
|I did, however, decide that I’m going to go back for eye makeup that’s specially formulated to run when you cry. It seems like a worthy investment in my line of work. This package advertises that it produces “120% More Tears!”|
|Engrish is even MORE AMUSING than it was before!|
I spent Thursday with Maddycake and had a wonderful time. Los Angeles is having beautiful weather and the plants know that it’s spring:
We went to the zoo where we ate kettle corn and saw the only bear in Los Angeles.
|I mostly took this photo for Heather, because she loves elephants!|
We had a lot of awesome conversations and shared feelings about spanking, modeling and submission. I love being with people who can relate to me on those levels and getting a variety of viewpoints. I also just love Maddy because she’s the greatest.
I know it probably makes me sound a bit whiny, and it’s surely a First World Spanko Problem, but I really miss Malignus. I feel a lot of nostalgia for the time when I first met him and we lived halfway across the country from each other. I don’t mean that I preferred the way that things were back then, or that I even miss it, but I feel a warm happiness at the memory of a time which was very different but also very good and extremely influential to my life. I did, however, have a “you can’t go back” kind of moment: the particular corner in my old bedroom (since R and Zeki still live in the apartment that we shared, but with different roommates) which I spent a considerable amount of time in under Malignus’ will now has an L shaped desk in it. I wanted to go back into the space where I did a lot of thinking, learning and developing. Since I was unable to do so, I ran over many greatly influential moments in my mind. I learned long ago that a thing or a place does not hold memories: one does in oneself.
Being here, though, makes me very aware of the path that our relationship took and makes me both proud and happy that things came to the place where they are now. Sometimes, I get bogged down in our work schedules and the dirty dishes and things that need to get done and the small conflicts that inevitably take place when one lives with another person.I don’t lose sight of how important my relationship with Malignus is, nor how much we love and mean to one and other, but I occasionally need to take a step back to be reminded that I’m living my dream life when it comes to the really important stuff. Being given, essentially, a tour of my previous life reminds me of the growth and changes that have occurred in the past year and a half.
Honestly, in nearly every way, Los Angeles is superior to Sioux Falls. The ways in which it is not are pretty simple: the price of things and the traffic. Being in LA has made me aware of all the things that I miss from here: In-N-Out Burger, a variety of Dungeons, kink groups and BDSM stores, cheap and delicious ethnic food, the Pacific Ocean, the fog making Malibu Canyon into another world, Amoeba Records, a wide variety of people who have read the books I’ve read and wish to discuss them, Archlight Theaters, Little Tokyo, hot girls in bohemian dresses, beautifully crafted tattoo work, creperies, cup cake shops, gourmet food trucks, four Sanrio Smiles stores in one city, pretty much every store ever, the Santa Monica Promenade, gay bars, rock clubs, organic burger places, the Gold Line train and the Chinatown flea market. The list goes on and on. Los Angeles is pretty freaking amazing (if hella expensive!). When I’m catching up with friends and meeting those who joined my cliques while I was away, I’m always getting asked why I moved to South Dakota and whether or not it was worth it.
I look around at all this stuff, all this glittery and gloriously entertainment, the libraries full of books, the museums full of paintings and photographs, the parks and the theme parks.
Am I happy without all this? Yes.
I’m amazingly happy to visit Los Angeles and would love to do so frequently. But at the end of the day, I’m looking forward to getting back to a place where I can drive without worrying about causing an accident that kills 80 people, where I can afford to go to dinner and a movie without feeling guilty about spending so much money, and far more importantly, where I’m with Malignus nearly every day. Spending my days with him and Heather is a greater joy than I ever expected to know.