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More Surprises!

Published December 22, 2012

Bwahahaha.
Remember last post, when I said that PTL couldn’t come visit because of her responsible adult life?
I lied!

Originally, all the girls were supposed to come on the same weekend, but due to some complications relating to which weekend is the “weekend before Malignus’ birthday” (the one before his birthday, or the one which includes his birthday) we ended up with ellee and PTL taking different days off from work. In the end, we decided to just split it and have ellee on one weekend and PTL on another. I purchased Heather’s tickets for the same weekend as ellee was visiting because they were less expensive at that time. Once that was all settled, we got to work at something that this whole “surprise” ordeal has made us all very good at: the lying.

We had a perfectly good reason why she couldn’t be here, so we cooked up a few more details and then secretly text messaged each other back and forth, being extremely giddy about how exciting it would be when she finally *did* arrive.

On Thursday night, I was antsy about the coming excitement and felt extra energetic as we were hanging out and watching TV. I had trouble sleeping when my bedtime arrived, and I kept waking up excitedly. It didn’t help that earlier that evening an entire freaking CHRISTMAS TREE had arrived from none other than PTL:

FUCK YES, CHRISTMAS!

On Friday, I got up and finished picking up the house from my previous guests and resetting things to “guest standards.” PTL had messaged me to let me know that she had landed, but that her bag was delayed, so I gathered up a bunch of travel sized toiletries for her. Once all that was done, I got into the bath to relax a bit. I was still all wet and naked with a mask on my face when I got the text that read “I’m downstairs!” She found my apartment and I came to the door in a towel. I’m classy like that. She then got to have the pleasure of watching me dress and get ready before we headed off.

I’d set up a dinner with Malignus in town that evening, telling him that I wanted to have a casual and relaxed meal together before his actual birthday. When we got there, we explained to the hostest that we were actually a party of three but would only need two place settings now, as PTL was going to hide in the bathroom until Malignus arrived. The waitstaff was all very understanding. I sat and waited while she hid. Eight minutes later, I texted her to let her know he’d arrived. A minute or so after we got seated, she casually walked out of the bathroom and sat down next to him. “Hey, what’s good here?” she asked.

He had no idea she was coming. It was perfect. 

We had an awesome dinner, then went and watched a movie all together. Afterwards, we came home and got pretty directly to the hitting with things. PTL got some pretty beautiful looking Twizzling:


The marks that they leave are so unique and kind of amazing. They are raised and braided and painful.

There were also thigh turkeys for both of us:

PTL (on the left) and me with smacked thighs and matching underpants 😀 The reason my left leg looks less red is because PTL is the one who hit me there, not Malignus. 😛

We had lots of fun, relaxed and painful times, including a revisiting of all the implements that I mentioned regarding ellee and Heather’s visit. I also got rapped on the knuckles with the Twizzler. Candy coated agony. 🙂

When 12:12 AM arrived, it was officially Malignus’ birthday, as he was born at 1:12 AM, EST. He then proceded to give each of us 30 cane strokes. They weren’t particularly hard, but there are never friendly cane strokes. A little while after, I looked like this:

Unfortunately, that mischievous scamp Beth Eisley heard about the dates mix up, decided that it was all my fault and began to insist that I needed to be “beaten within an inch of my life” because of it. When we got on Skype with her after the birthday caning, she began insisting this fairly heavily. Fortunately for me, Malignus doesn’t do what anyone tells him to. Instead, Beth got “Alex getting hurt denial.”

Eventually, Malignus got very excessively sleepy and we signed off for the night and all went to bed. It was a happy, happy night. 🙂

This morning, PTL and I made a birthday breakfast while listening to Christmas music. I received and opened some lovely Christmas gifts from vanilla sources, and I’m now wearing fuzzy pajama pants with adorable bears on them. Unfortunately, my physical birthday gift for Malignus didn’t arrive in time, but PTL bought him Portal and Portal II as his gift, so they’ve been playing them all day.

Aparently, Malignus euthanized his Companion Cube more quickly than any other test subject on record. No one was surprised. 🙂

♥

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SURPRISE!

Published December 20, 2012

On Saturday morning, I woke up with anxious excitement. I casually cleaned some things up, although I was distracted. I kept my phone in hand no matter what I was doing, and made careful observation of the time. I had told Malignus that on this day, he’d be getting his birthday surprise, and I know that he was aware that this was the cause of my vigilance. Still, I tried to be as relaxed as possible, and I paced myself as I killed time.  Finally, I decided to take a shower and get dressed. After that, I figured I might as well throw some makeup on– I wear makeup about half the time, and while I hadn’t originally been planning on it, my skin was a bit broken out and, more importantly, doing that would take up more time. I was halfway through doing so when I got a call. ellee had arrived.

Unbeknownst to Malignus, ellee, PTL, Heather Green and I had been planning the greatest surprise that I’d ever planned for someone. We’d been working on it since October, and after many ups and downs, things were finally coming to fruition. The original plan had involved having all three girls secretly travel to Sioux Falls to visit, but PTL had to drop out due to the constraints of her responsible, adult life.  Planning this had been incredibly difficult, mostly because I’m not used to having anything going on in my life which I’m not discussing with Malignus. It involved a lot of sneaking around, which I’m not used to. I had to start taking phone calls outside to discuss logistics, and that meant being cold a lot. Not being able to get PTL out was a big blow, and I couldn’t explain why I was disappointed that evening. Both Heather and ellee got sick right before they needed to travel, and I couldn’t explain why I was so nervous when that happened. Heather’s flight time changed, and the plan regarding picking the girls up from the airport in Omaha (which is a much more economical airport to fly into than Sioux Falls, but is three hours away) got very screwed up and I had to figure something else out while walking around the neighborhood in the cold at 10 PM talking on the phone. But most days, I just felt like I had an overly excited bird in my chest whenever I thought about things. I’d never been so happy to do something for someone else in my life. I kept losing sleep due to this excitement. I grew paranoid that I would accidentally do something which ruined the surprise, and I very nearly did once. But finally, the time had arrived. ellee had landed earlier that afternoon and rented a car. She had finished driving to our apartment and was in the parking lot.

I got my shoes and coat on and ran down to see her. We had a lot of hugging and bouncing with excitement, and then got her things out of the car and prepared to go in. We finally came in and announced the surprise. Malignus didn’t respond in a way which suggested that he was startled or anything. He just had his most happy face on. He and ellee hugged for a long time, and then I gave ellee a tour of my apartment, as it was her first time visiting, and I introduced her to my guinea piggies, Tesla and Newton. After we finished with that, ellee went to get changed and Malignus gave me a big hug while he thanked me for this. He was clearly super happy, and he didn’t know that he had only gotten half of the surprise. 😀

Meanwhile, Heather was on her flight to Omaha, and would be arriving in a few hours. Because she is not of the legal age to rent a car without having to pay an incredible amount of money, I needed to go pick her up. I told Malignus that I wanted him and ellee to get to spend some one-on-one time, since they had only previously hung out during parties and hadn’t seen each other at all since he began the process of becoming her Dominant. This isn’t a lie– I wanted them to have that time because that’s incredibly important. It was also a convenient way for me to make my exit to go speed (er… drive exactly the speed limit) off to Omaha to gather up Heather.

Apparently ellee and Malignus had a great time while they were on their own and Malignus didn’t suspect what I was actually doing. One thing which is great about him is the fact that he doesn’t really pry. If I say “I’m doing something right now,” he often doesn’t even ask what, exactly, that something is. He just trusts that if he needed to know, I’d tell him. So when I told him that I wouldn’t be getting to dinner until around 7:45 instead of the 7:00 we’d planned on, he didn’t ask me why. He just enjoyed the extra ellee time that he was getting. Meanwhile, I arrived at Omaha, found Heather, hugged her madly and jumped up and down some more. I haven’t seen Heather in a few months, and it was really too long. Malignus hadn’t seen her since June, and I knew that it was really starting to get to him, and I couldn’t wait for him to find out that she was here. After taking a quick second to look around and reminisce (as the passenger pickup area of the Omaha airport is where, accompanied by Heather and a similar amount of excited butterflies as were in my stomach at the moment) I first met Malignus in person just a year and a half ago) we were off. The drive went by much more quickly when I was with Heather (who was kind enough to take the wheel and give me a break), and we chatted about a whole plethora of things. We kept coming back to the fact that Heather recently became engaged, though. It’s a pretty exciting thing, and I’d been waiting to give her an enormous hug ever since I first heard about it. I may have even hugged her while she was driving, which I don’t think you are technically supposed to do.

Finally, we made it to Sioux Falls, where Malignus and ellee had just arrived at the restaurant where we’d be eating dinner. It was fortunate that a table for three is always actually a table for four. Snow was falling in big, fat flakes, and the wind whipped around us coldly as Heather and I rushed from the parking lot to the doorway of the restaurant. I was so excited that I kept forgetting to breathe. We made our way in and were pretty much immediately greeted by the sight of the two them at the table. Malignus saw Heather right away and exclaimed “Oh my god, you too?!” There was a lot more hugging, and we explained what, exactly we’d been up to. We also explained about PTL’s intended involvement but unfortunate lack of presence, and we all agreed to skype her once we got home.

Oh hi! We love you! Heather, Malignus and ellee (who is hiding her face, but totally smiling, too!)

The dinner was just incredible. It was one of the happiest meals ever. There have only been a few times in my life that I was so happy that I experienced a certain kind of derealization, a sense of shock at just how good my life was at that moment and difficulty accepting that this was really the case. I felt that way when I was accepted to college, during my first spanking, when I first flew on an airplane, when I visited England and Japan and the first few times that Malignus and I were together. I basked in that feeling now, beaming with pride that I’d really been able to pull this off. Malignus never stopped smiling during that meal. Everything was perfect.

We spent the evening hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. Gifts were exchanged and cuddles were given. We went through our collection of implements, telling stories about many of them and giving out “test swats” with a number of them. After that, we spent some time chatting with PTL on skype. It was sad that she wasn’t there in person, but due to the miracle of the internet, we were able to have lots of fun with her, too. We went to bed really late, and I slept incredibly well, not having the nervous excitement of this upcoming event to keep me awake.

The next morning we got up and went into town. We had no particular plans, but Malignus wanted to take ellee to see our local Butterfly Sanctuary, since she’d never been there before, so we did that after brunch. The butterflies were very fond of ellee, and kept riding on her. One got particularly attached and clung to her for most of the time we were there, even laying five eggs on her. Butterfly eggs are small and iridescent. I had never seen them before.

ellee’s BFF hitching a ride.

After the butterflies, we stopped to stock up on supplies and then went home to hang out for a while longer. During this time there were plenty more spankings, including a demonstration of something which has been a nemesis of mine for a while now– towel snapping. Malignus is very proficient at hitting me with dish towels. He can make bruises and welts with a dry dish towel through my clothes. He started off by giving each of us a number of snaps with the towel over our clothes as we danced around, but this was so enjoyable that he decided to wet the towel to make it more effective and have us take our skirts off, so that he could hit us on our bare bottoms and legs. Due to the fact that we were just standing there and squirming, and because the “implement” weighed basically nothing so there was no risk of damage, there was a lot of hitting on the fronts of thighs and flank areas. Also, there was crying on my part. Stupid towels! So much sting!

Another “fun” activity involved Malignus hitting us on the fronts of our thighs with Twizzlers, something which I have only experienced while messing around with Beth Eisley and PTL. Malignus hits harder than PTL (yes, we already knew this). I still have some licorice shaped bruises, and ellee’s bloomed into something that could easily be mistaken for cane welts. The policy became that if one of us wanted to eat a piece of the candy, we had to be hit with it first. I feel that if all junk foods in my house could somehow adopt that policy, I’d have reached my trimming-up goal a long time ago. 😛 We still have a nearly full bag of Twizzlers. 😛

We went back to Sioux Falls for dinner, and then returned home to watch movies and have more spanking fun. I didn’t get any “full” spankings during the weekend, and that was basically the right way of things. The private, one on one time was dedicated to the girls that Malignus doesn’t get to see most of the year, and I was just filled with compersion for everyone involved. After dinner, though, I did get a number of swats with various awful things, as did the other two girls. The focus seemed to be on things which make weird marks, like a heavy plastic spoon with a hole in the middle that leaves an eye-shaped mark, the evil pasta measuring device with it’s several large holes and a twisted, delrin loop.

Marks!

I also got hit with the rubber tred paddle that Malignus has named Old Glory a few times. It’s a challenging implement for me, because my first real experience with it was during a very hard disciplinary spanking, so I always associate it with hurting basically the most out of everything in the world. It *does* hurt an incredible amount, and I was slightly shaken after just six strokes with it (I originally got four, but I asked for two more because I wanted to do a better job of taking them calmly for my own personal reasons ^_^).

Post scary implement hugs tiems!

The evening finished up with movie watching and lots of banter. ellee had to leave in the morning, but Heather was staying with us until Wednesday, and I think that breaking up of things made the separating a little more bearable for me.

ellee, selecting movies without having to actually sit down. 🙂

The next morning, Malignus and ellee spent lots of time alone and he gave her tons and tons of spanking to hold her over until next they met, and to ensure that her trip home was very uncomfortable. 😀 Heather and I hung out during this time and started to fall back into the routine that we had when we lived together and spent lots of our time just chilling. I love that about Heather– even if we aren’t always in contact, as soon as we are, we just pick things up without any awkwardness or difficulty transitioning. When ellee opened up our front door to go put her bags in the car after things were finished, she found that there was a package waiting for me. Apparently my Christmas gift from her husband and my Dominant, YS, had arrived. She encouraged me to open it then. I realize in retrospect that I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to wait until Christmas to open it or anything, and I didn’t ask, but ellee was being really cute about it so I just did it then. -_-

He got me basically the cutest bear in the whole world. It has curly fur and a bow and a cute but sort of serious face. I’ve never had a Dom who bought me stuffed animals before, and it made me feel very snuggly and loved. I’ve been doing a lot of bear cuddling ever since. 😀

BEAR!

As ellee was leaving, I decided to give her my stuffed Tux penguin to take with her. This way, she can cuddle it and fill it with ellee love until we see each other again, when I’ll get it back from her until the next time we see each other when she’ll get him again! I am very glad that ellee gets to have some time cuddling him, because obviously ellee really loves Tux (once, when a friend was complaining about something in Linux, ellee whispered the admonishment “Tux can hear you! You’ll hurt his feelings!”).

It was hard to see her go, but Heather and I had big plans for the day. Malignus gave us two simple things that he wanted us to work on that day: going to the storage locker and messing around with some hooks on the wall so we could hang up some Christmas lights which ellee had brought for me. In true “Heather and Alex together” fashion, we ended up getting neither of these things accomplished (it was sort of not our fault) and instead went to the mall and indulged in lots and lots of girliness while Malignus was at work. Because of some kind of birthday miracle, we managed to not get in trouble for this, either. Ten points to Heather and Alex. After we finished hanging out (I was going to say we were good because we didn’t buy anything, but I guess that the other information included in this paragraph kind of cancels that out) we met up with Malignus and went to see The Hobbit. I’d already seen it once, on Friday night, but I was happy for a repeat viewing and it was Heather’s first time watching it. Everyone enjoyed it. 😀

Because Heather had to leave our house to get to her flight at 1:00 AM on Wednesday, Tuesday was the day during which we wrapped things up and got ready to say goodbye to her. It was pretty hard to see her go, but I know that we will be with her again, soon. I spent today cleaning and feeling kind of mopey about not having company anymore, coupled with taking care of Malignus, whose “ellee and Heather withdraw” symptoms are manifesting like a mild case of the flu. Still, I know I’ll see her again soon, and that many amazing adventures are waiting for me around the bend. When one ends, it’s always just the turn of a page. Who knows what’s waiting in the next chapter?

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A Calm Simplicity

Published December 14, 2012

Updated 12/21/14: I’ve been re-reading some older blog posts and I came across this one. I want to add a little bit of modern commentary on it, now that I have a perspective from outside of that relationship. 

My relationship with Malignus was my first D/s relationship. I had a sort of unformed relationship that involved discipline before that and a play partner, but never a Dominant. I actually didn’t know very much about D/s when I got involved in it, and most of what I knew I was taught by Malignus. At the time that I wrote this, I believed that in order to be a “good” submissive and to “fully” submit, I had to be able to take very severe spankings without warmups, with minimal encouragement, without moving or crying out to any degree and without the necessity of aftercare. 

I now don’t think that this is actually a particularly healthy way to approach scenes, and I don’t want anyone new to D/s or to spanking who might read this to think that this kind of play is normative or something that should be strived for. Please read this with the understanding that this scene had aspects of it that were very positive for me, but took place within the framework of an unhealthy relationship. My emphasis on fear of disappointing someone makes me feel sad when I re-read this. It has taken me a long time to get the idea out my head that my natural reactions to things are not something that will disappoint people. 

The rest of the text of this post has been left intact with no changes made to the text except this addition. 

This afternoon, Malignus decided to give me a spanking. There wasn’t an established atmosphere for it: it simply began with “Let’s hit you with stuff!” He started the spanking with a wooden spoon named Warren (the implement which featured heavily in this very old post and which I thought I lost once).  It’s certainly not a kind implement. Once upon a time, I had designated my three least favorite implements as “The Trinity of Terror:  Warren, a small bladed but very thick lexan paddle and the nylon cane.

The Trinity of Terror, shown with Zelda, which is not relevant to this post.  The other three items very much are.

The spanking started off slowly, but I met it with some level of resistance. I don’t mean I thrashed around or protested or anything extreme, but I let my body be tense, I moved around on the bed a bit and I continually cried out into the pillow. I leaned my body away from Malignus. My hands grabbed at the far end of the mattress in a tense desperation. There are a lot of different ways in which a spanking can go, and recently, for arbitrary or re-affirmative style spankings, we’ve been working on me meeting them passively and fully submitting to the spanking. This isn’t the way that I generally react with other Tops, or in other atmospheres, but it’s an important area that we’ve been working on. It’s certainly been a challenge for me, though.

The spanking was very painful in a fiery, stinging way. The small surface area made one little section take all the force, and then another, and then another. At one point, I did something which is somewhat unusual for me during a spanking and I said something cogent: “This hurts!”

“Yes,” Malignus acknowledged. “It does. But it’s going to hurt less when you stop fighting against it. Let it break you down.”

I tried to do exactly that, but I was just spinning my wheels. I got into a bit of a groove for a while, being still and keeping my body fairly relaxed. Malignus praised me for this, but I didn’t really keep it up. The spanking picked up pace, and I found myself back to a state of struggle against the pain that was building. After things reached a crescendo, Malignus stopped and I took several deep breaths.

I’m going to digress for a moment. I’m willing to bet that you guys have seen Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. The first time I saw that movie, I really started needing to pee about halfway through. Unfortunately, the movie didn’t feel like it was about halfway through. It felt like it was almost over. I figured I could just wait until it ended. The movie would seem like it was about to end, and then start to seem like it was wrapping itself up, and then it would GO ON TO SOMETHING ELSE. Then that would wrap itself up, it would seem to be about over and then it would GO ON TO SOMETHING ELSE. Near the end I was becoming infinitely frustrated. I just wanted it to quit fake ending and just ACTUALLY END. In a movie, those moments that suggest that something is almost over when it really isn’t are one of my pet peeves. They make me crazy. (By the way, I totally adore LOTR and I’m really excited to see The Hobbit this weekend. kthnx!)

In a spanking, however, those moments when you think that things are almost over and start to prepare yourself for them to be done, only to find out that you’re closer to halfway through have a really strong, positive effect on me. They make me feel out of control in a very safe and very good way. The length and intensity of my spanking is not being determined by me. That’s entirely up to my Dominant. It puts me in a very secure and submissive state of mind, and speeds up the process of breaking down my resistance. In my head, I call spankings that seem to stop, or appear to be reaching their end, only to begin again in earnest “Lord of the Rings spankings” because of the above story. (Note– I realize I’m going to probably start getting some strange search terms showing up on my google analytics because of this).

Returning to my original story, that’s what happened today. Malignus did, indeed, set down Warren. He had completed spanking me with it, just as I had originally believe. Instead of ending the spanking (which, if I was being honest with myself, I did not really want anyway) he reached under the bed and returned with the small, Lexan paddle pictured above. That paddle hurts a lot. It’s one of the worst things I’ve been spanked with. I tried to be submissive to it, and to let it push me. Instead, I think that my resistance began to intensify (I say “I think” because this is the area of the spanking where my memory starts to get a little bit fuzzy, even though it was just eight hours ago or something). After giving me a handful of swats on my bottom, Malignus tapped the paddle against my thigh. I know that he does not do this to “line up his shot” like some people do. The purpose of pre-swat tapping has always been to get inside my head. I felt very vulnerable for the second before that stroke landed on my thigh, and then I felt a surge of pain that seemed to run through my entire body. And then another. And then another. And then another. I was really reacting to the pain, vocalizing and crying out in a manner that was probably excessive. Despite feeling wonderfully loved and taken care of, and being very aware of how much of my stress was dissipating, I was certainly not reaching my goal of calm and quiet submission. Then, for a minute, it was over.

I was actually quite relieved on some level when Malignus grabbed another implement. I knew that I wanted to give myself over to the spanking more, and I would have been very disappointed in my performance at that if it had stopped there. The implement which he had selected, however, was my nemesis: the nylon cane. I don’t know if he intentionally used the three implements that I once selected as my least favorites or if it just worked out that way, but it was something that didn’t even cross my mind until much later. At the moment, all I was aware of was the fact that I was going to be caned.

He did so rapidly, at a pace that I was largely unfamiliar with. He wasn’t using “full” strokes, but the combined effective was overpowering. At first, I continued to struggle and cry out and then, all the sudden, everything stopped. I don’t mean that the caning stopped– it continued at the same pace and intensity. I stopped. My resistance went away and I just lay perfectly still. I fell silent.

“Good girl,” Malignus praised me. “VERY good.”

The caning continued, as did my passive state. It still hurt, but I was experiencing something which I’ve had limited experiences with: a powerful rush of endorphins. I have no idea for how long things continued. In my mind, it was both very long and very short. I felt really, really good. It was different than the drug-like experience I’d had the first time I fell into subspace, but equally wonderful. I felt entirely relaxed, but I also felt a joyful exuberance in my chest. I was really aware of what was happening to me and I was proud and excited. I felt simultaneously tranquilized and hyper stimulated. My brain was very confused, and it was awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

Once things finally did stop, Malignus rubbed my back and comforted me for a long time. The good feeling lingered.

The spanking was still not entirely over.

After I was able to speak properly again (although I don’t remember what I said), Malignus got one more cane– a 1″ acrylic cane that is probably the most weight bearing cane in our collection (strike that, known to man). He gave me six strokes with it, and while I wasn’t entirely silent, I still took them well and felt the same surge of good feelings. After that, he gave me a really lovely cool down. Hours later, I’m still a little bit sore, and I’m still very smiley about it.
♥

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Be here, now.

Published December 10, 2012

After I graduated from college, Rafa and I moved from the East Coast to Los Angeles. We did this by driving my trusty and most beloved car, Sandcat, in route which was carefully planned so that we could visit a number of significant people and do lots of fun stuff on the way there. It was my first significant road trip, and I was certainly hooked on them right away. While we were traveling, we stopped to visit a friend of my biological father’s and his wife. We lingered there for a while due to the calm and relaxing nature of their home. They live in the woods, close enough to get in the truck and drive to town but far enough away that one feels entirely alone on their land. At first, the quiet was terrifying to me, but as I became comfortable with the sense of stillness, I came to focus on the hum of cicadas at night, the rush of a deer moving through the branches, the smell of the Earth or the tranquility of the slow moving river. I found a sense of peace there that I had simply never been aware of in my life until then.

During a conversation with one of my hosts, he talked to me about internal stillness. He took an index card, and on one side he wrote “Be everywhere, always.” He then turned it over and wrote “Be here, now.” He gave this to me, and reminded me that this was a choice that I had the ability to make. I could decide to simply exist in the place and moment I was in, regardless of whether or not I was cut off from cell phone reception and surrounded by natural beauty. I kept this in my mind, but it took me another couple of years to take the full meaning of it. It’s a lesson that Malignus taught me early in our relationship, and which I have needed to be reminded of many times since then.

I tend to want to be everywhere, always. This has only been made worse by the fact that I have a wonderful array of friends and lovers who are literally spread across the globe. This weekend, someone I love had a hard day. I wanted to be with her. Another group of my loved ones and friends got together for a party which seems to have been an incredible amount of fun. I wanted to be with them. Yet another very special friend is celebrating a huge milestone in her life right now. I wanted to be there with her.

Physically, due to the fact that I’m not a super-human, I don’t have a choice whether or not I’m everywhere, always or here, now. If I had that ability, this situation would be different. Instead, I only have the mental ability to choose where I will keep my focus. I can split my attention between the hundreds of things that need doing, the myriads of people that I love and the adventures that I could be having or will be having in the future. Or, I can choose to focus on my here and now and belong in the moment I’m living. This is a battle for me. It’s something that, I hope, if I spend enough time working on will eventually become second nature to me. I’ve been stressing recently. I’ve had a lot of things going on. By focusing on the here and now, I’ve been slowly starting to relax and unwind, to calm my feelings and to keep my attention where it belongs.

This is also something which is very relevant to spanking for me. My brain is often in a lot of places. I’m worrying about ten things, thinking of what I’m going to write about next, what I’m going to cook for dinner, whether all my bills are paid, who I said I’d call, whether I’ve kept up all my obligations for all my Bosses of Me, who I miss, where I’m going next et cetera, et cetera. I used to find that a spanking was difficult to take until it got to a point of intensity where it overwhelmed me and therefore pushed all these other things out of my brain. Once I reached this place, I was able to give myself over to it better and get much more out of it.

After Shadowlane, when I returned home after six weeks of being away, Malignus spanked me in a way that was very loving and which made me feel very much at home again. Before he did so, I got in position over his lap with my bottom bare and was prepared to be spanked. He then instructed me to put away all my adventures, all my memories and stories and to choose, essentially, to be there and then. He lead me to focus on making the choice to put all those things away before the spanking began. I felt much safer, more vulnerable and, more than anything else, much more calm at the onset of that spanking, instead of having to struggle through things until the point where the spanking overwhelmed me and pushed them away. It was a very important lesson, and one which I’ve tried my best to keep in mind for all spankings since then. Because, really, for a spanko, what moment is more precious to linger in than a spanking? Sure, it can be scarier and often more painful if you give it your full focus, but that’s really the point. I’d certainly rather have a more pure experience than one which is watered down by the rest of my life. Choosing to be relaxed at the onset of a spanking also allows me to leave it in a more elevated space as opposed to simple using the spanking as something to return me to an even keel.

Does anyone else find that they have these sorts of problems focusing on the here and now? I can’t imagine that it’s uncommon. We live in a world of interconnectivity, of long distance friendships, of tweeting and texting and live feeds. Even when we physically shut down our computers and put down our phones, our minds are often still functioning at this speed and in this manner. Fellow bottoms, do you find that a spanking can center your mind? Does anyone else have the experience of needing to be overwhelmed in order to let go? Do you do anything to keep yourself here and now while being spanked? Or is this not an issue for other people? Does just the sight of your Top with an implement in hand snap you back to reality, or is your complete attention something that he has to work for? I’m curious to know others’ experiences. 😀

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Creative Spanking Blog of the Year Nomination!

Published December 5, 2012

I’ve been having a good couple of days, and I’ve got lots of exciting news.
My blog has been nominated for Creative Spanking Blog of the Year over at The Spanking Spot! I’m incredibly excited just to see my page listed on the voting options that it gives me jitters.

I’m also really glad that I got my redesign taken care of, so the page is spruced up for the awards!

I’d like to thank the four people who nominated my blog for this. I’m really proud that in the past year I’ve been able to increase my readership so much, make new friends in the spanking community, engage in conversations and dialoges on a variety of subjects and share my thoughts and experiences with the spanking world at large. While I shall not tell you what to do, I really hope that you will consider voting for me. Many of the competing blogs are excellent, as well, and I wish everyone the best of luck. 🙂

(Small dance of excitement.)

The are several other categories open for voting. There is Best Facial Expression During a Spanking, which is populated by lots of great pain faces. I’m personally extremely fond of Ten Amorette’s face in all situations, but especially when she’s getting a spanking. I also love the way that Amelia Jane Rutherford emotes during a scene, especially her expressions of shock and appall before her actual spanking starts. And we couldn’t talk about patented faces without mentioning Sarah Gregory, who is an expert at showing just how much something hurts on her face. There’s also a girl named Liesje, who I was not previously familiar with, from the Dutch site Real Life Spankings who appears to be in great distress at her spanking and is making a face one doesn’t see very often in videos: the “screaming like a dying monster face.”


This is a sort of face that *is* frequently seen in my home. I like the honesty of it.

The next category is Most Improved Spanking Site. All of the sites that are nominated for this award are wonderful. Bars and Stripes has had an awesome cast of both Tops and spankees in the past year, and continues to have a very unique “feel” to it. Instead of being a set of different stories, this site feels like one, complete fantasy world, which I’m very fond of. Triple A Spanking has really come a long way in the past year, as it’s been growing and developing. It has beautiful girls and great ideas going into it. Spanked in Uniform had a very unique improvement this year: they’ve expanded to include Stark Trek and Harry Potter inspired sections that are extremely unique and very well pulled off. English Spankers is a site with which I only became familiar in the past year, so I can’t say what they’ve improved upon exactly, but I know that their content is quite lovely indeed. There were also two new sites launched this year who fall into this category: Spanking Sorority Girls and Dreams of Spanking. I’ve shot for both of these sites, although my content has not yet been released on Spanking Sorority Girls. Spanking Sorority Girls is a very fun site with some cute concepts, and it’s held together by very charming Veronica Ricci, who stars on the site. Veronica is a total knock out and a ton of fun to work with. Dreams of Spanking is a very unique site, and I know that Pandora has worked incredibly hard to make it so. She really has moved away from the “traditional” sort of spanking site to bring us a set of unique stories, pairings and models that are constantly exciting.

Plus, one of the photos on the voting page is of me. Yay!

The final category open for voting is New Spankee of the Year. I don’t actually really know anything about any of the girls who were nominated, but many of them are very lovely looking, and I think I have a bit of a girl crush on Mei Mara. It’s those eyes! So adorable.

Anyway, please go vote for your favorites. I’m sure everyone has worked very hard and deserves their nomination. 🙂

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Alex Interviews: Lily Starr

Published December 3, 2012

You know what I haven’t posted in a long time?
And interview!
Today seems like as good a day as any to get back into it. Today, I’m interviewing my good friend and fellow model Lily Starr. Lily is one of the first people that I met when I got into spanking modeling, and she’s just as sweet as can be. I’ve asked her questions without assuming that everyone knows the stuff about her that I do, for the full effect. 🙂

Lily and I at Disneyland. 

Producing and acting in spanking videos is your profession. Is it safe to assume that spanking is also part of your personal life? 
Absolutely. I was a born spanko, the video thing came about as a product of my lifelong interest in spanking combined with my lifelong dream of being able to act in movies. I started seeking spanking in my personal life long before I ever got into videos, and I currently am spanked regularly both on and off camera as I am in a loving D/s relationship with my awesome boyfriend, Robert Wolf.


“When I was 19 my husband and I got our first computer with the Internet and naturally I secretly searched the word “spanking” just like I had done so many times in the dictionary growing up. But I didn’t find just that dictionary definition, I found ALL OF THIS. “


For how long have you known that you were a spanko? 

I had all the classic signs of being a spanko child: looking up spanking in the dictionary, including spanking whenever possible while playing house or with my toys, being excited by spankings in books, movies, or on TV shows such as I Love Lucy, and trying to get my vanilla girlfriends to spank me. I remember being maybe 7 and lining up all my dolls and stuffed animals so I could play The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe and spank them all soundly and send them to bed. The earliest I can remember being fascinated with spanking is age 5, but it easily could have been even earlier than I can remember, and I suspect it was. I believe I was born this way!

For me, my spanking fantasies started out being exclusively about me being spanked by men and it wasn’t until I started to explore things further that I became curious about being spanked by women and about topping. Did you have a similar experience, or were you always interested in all sides of it? 

It was pretty much the same for me. Growing up I always fantasized most about a male authority figure doing the spanking. Any spanking did excite me, the gender of the participants didn’t matter and like I said, I did try to get female friends to spank me while playing house, etc. though that may have been because I wasn’t allowed to play with boys. To this day, the dynamic that most appeals to me is being spanked as a little girl by a Daddy figure. When I first discovered this world, I never imagined I’d want to do anything but bottom. But after some time, I did become curious, and started spanking others which went quite well. I consider myself a pretty good spanker now and do it professionally, but deep down I still mostly crave playing out that naughty little girl side with which I most deeply identify.

 How old were you when you got your first adult spanking? Was it a good experience?

Well, I had an extremely sheltered religious upbringing. I was pressured to marry young, and never had any exposure to the outside world, so I had no idea that there were people like me into spanking out there, I had never even heard of the words fetish or kink. When I was 19 my husband and I got our first computer with the Internet and naturally I secretly searched the word “spanking” just like I had done so many times in the dictionary growing up. But I didn’t find just that dictionary definition, I found ALL OF THIS. 
The discovery was incredible, I wasn’t alone, this was something lots of people do and enjoy! But here I was, already married to a guy who had no idea and I didn’t know how he would react to it if I said something. I felt very nervous and shy to bring it up and afraid he’d be freaked out. People I spoke to on the message boards encouraged me to bring it up, and I did. One day during sex I just squeaked out, “Could you maybe spank me?” He did a little bit but it didn’t hurt, so I said, “Um, a little harder?” And he did. He spanked me throughout our marriage, hard as I wanted, but only as part of foreplay and only because I liked it. He made a point to tell me it did nothing for him, which kind of ruined it for me. It was a lot harder for me to express how I wanted it to feel disciplinary, because I knew he wasn’t into it and didn’t understand that aspect. When the movie Secretary came out on Netflix, I ordered it and we watched it together. I was mortified through the whole thing, but afterward he said he got it, that was what I wanted, and gave me the best spanking I ever had from him. He really got into it that night, but then we went back to being the same, it never really took. 
Because he was vanilla, I really consider my first adult spanking to be the first one I got after we divorced. I somehow managed to find someone through vanilla online social networking who was in my small town, around my age, shared my spanking interest, and with whom I had good chemistry and conversations. I had him over and we had a fun evening that ended with him spanking me with a disciplinary tone and then making me go to my room and wait for him to come in and strap me with his belt. That was a very very enjoyable experience. I felt like I had been waiting my whole life for that experience. He ended up moving away, but it was a great introduction to acting on my fantasies.

How did you start doing spanking modeling?
I used to frequent the chat and message boards on what was at the time SIN, now Spanko.net. It was one of the earliest sites I found (back when it was Spanking Memories) and I went there a lot off and on over the years to talk to other spankos. The owner, Sean, was someone I chatted with there occasionally and he had told me in the past that he’d like to have me come shoot videos for the site. I never met anyone for spanking while I was married because I didn’t feel right about sneaking around, but after I found myself single we talked about it again and set up a trip to San Francisco for me to do a shoot.
 What was your first professional shoot?
It was in June of 2008 when I flew up to SF to shoot with SIN. We shot 3 fairly intense videos in 3 days. I was extremely nervous, but everyone was very nice to me and I had a lot of fun playing movie star. I had to sit on ice packs in between and have makeup applied to my butt before the last shoot. I loved it and knew this was what I wanted to do. 


 “I had to sit on ice packs in between and have makeup applied to my butt before the last shoot. I loved it and knew this was what I wanted to do. “




At what point did you start producing your own content? What inspired you to start?
I had so much fun doing the videos, I was hooked and needed to keep doing it. While I couldn’t afford the expensive equipment some studios have, I still thought it was something I could do. So, I got a basic camcorder, some simple garage work lights and a tripod and just started asking if we could film it when I was going to meet someone for some spanking play. Since doing the pro shoot, I had more exposure and thus met more people to play/film with, and when Spanking Tube came out I was able to use that tool to further promote myself and the videos I made on my own. Spanking Tube was also useful for helping me make more local contacts and I started doing trade shoots with other models/producers in California. I opened my own clip store in August of 2009 and it became an official job for me. Since then, I’ve gotten to work with a lot more people of course, and also have even been able to hire other models to be in my videos as sales have grown to allow it. I now film with an HD camera and have my own domain at www.lilystarr.com where customers can choose between purchasing the individual clip downloads or a monthly streaming membership that allows unlimited viewing of my entire video library.


 What are you favorite kinds of videos to be in?
I enjoy variety, so they are all fun, but I guess my tastes still go back to those childhood fantasies and I really love Daddy/daughter disciplinary role plays the most.

 Is there a kind of video that you’ve never gotten to do but would like to someday? A location or story or theme that you’ve never had a chance to do?
I would love to film an outdoor switching scene. I’ve done outdoors, but not with a switch because I live in the desert and there aren’t a whole lot of the right type of trees when you go out to areas remote enough for filming. 
Also, I have had a fantasy forever that involves me visiting a friend who has a Dad that spanks her. I don’t get spanked at home, but my parents gave her Dad permission to discipline me if needed, and we get into trouble together during my visit for doing something dangerous and get punished together by the Dad out in their woodshed. I’ve never been spanked before in this fantasy, so it’s really scary and exciting for me. I got to act this out in private once (minus the woodshed part), but not yet on video. It’s all very detailed in my head and I’d love to film it someday given the opportunity.

What has been the most exciting part of your career as a spanking model?
Going to big parties is pretty exciting. Seeing sales orders from far away and obscure countries is exciting. Having complete strangers tell me how much they love me or how I’ve inspired them to act on their fantasies is exciting. Meeting people for private sessions who are older than I am and have been spankos since childhood but never been spanked, getting to be the first person to give them that experience is amazing. I’ve been very shy all my life, and while I still am to a point, doing this has really helped me come out of my shell and be myself, which has been really good. There are many things I find exciting about this job and that’s why I do it! I also want to take the opportunity here to thank everyone who has supported me by working with or for me, buying from my site online or vendor table at parties, hiring me, helping promote me to others, or even simply writing a nice note of encouragement. I truly appreciate it and would be nowhere without that support.


“Beauty and spankos come in all shapes, colors, and sizes, and if I can help to prove that, that makes me happy. “

One thing that I really enjoy about your productions is the fact that you have a great mix of models. In my opinion, your site has the most diverse cast in terms of both Tops and bottoms, with models from a variety of age groups, races, body types and styles. Is this intentional? Do you seek out underrepresented models, or has this just been a coincidence?

It is intentional to a degree, I wouldn’t say I seek out underrepresented models that actively, but I don’t discriminate either. Some spanking video producers will only hire a certain type of model. I have been told I am “not slender enough.” I know a lot of other women have been told the same thing, too fat, too old, whatever. I know this does not reflect what all viewers want, and since few are offering this variety I saw that the market for models not limited to the very young and very thin is wide open. I’ve had a lot of people write to tell me they really appreciate this, women because it makes them feel more confident seeing someone who looks more like them modeling, and men whose tastes vary from the mainstream because they can see what they like and often can’t find elsewhere. Not that I have anything against the more traditional model types, I obviously am happy to shoot with them too. Beauty and spankos come in all shapes, colors, and sizes, and if I can help to prove that, that makes me happy. 

 Do you have any plans or goals relating to your site? Anything we should keep an eye open for?

At this point, I’m pretty much doing what I want to do. I have had to slow down a little due to some health issues, but hope to be past all that by next year and just keep on doing my best, continually shooting new videos and working with more and more new people as well as creating more content with those I have worked well with in the past. I don’t ever want this to become stagnant. I don’t ever want to stop having fun with it. I hope I can keep finding ways to grow, improve, and have fun, and hope that passion comes through in the final product. 

 Besides Lily Starr Spanking and Alex in Spankingland, what other sites can we see you on?
I have also worked for or in association with: Spanko.net, Sarah Gregory Spanking, Spanking 101, Disciplinary Arts, Kisa Corvin’s clip store, Alicia Panettiere’s site, Beat Bottoms, Mistress Penelope St. Devi’s clip store, Marked Butts, and once made a small appearance on CameronDawn.com. I would like to work more for other sites, though my focus till now has been more on my own.

“Do it because you love it. That will show, and viewers will respond to it.”



What’s your least favorite implement to be spanked with?
The sjambok, no doubt. I consider that more of a weapon than an implement. Out of traditional implements I would probably say the bath brush, but as a spanko that’s a love/hate thing.

Do you have any advice for spanking models who are just starting out, or people who are just starting to produce their own content?
Don’t worry about what “they” think you should be, but do be aware of the way you present yourself. Keep your ego in check, if you model you will get a lot of fan love, that’s awesome but you have to stay real. Be kind to your fans. Don’t be a douche. Be respectful toward others, even those you may see as competition. This is a business, but it’s also something very personal for most of us and it’s much better for all of us and the scene if we work together and help each other out. If you’re going to produce your own content, always strive to make videos that you would enjoy watching as a spanko. Get a decent camera and make sure your scenes are well lit. Do not do faked spanking videos so you can get vanilla models or porn stars who aren’t into it to film, people can tell. But mostly, be true to yourself. Don’t do this to get rich, that’s not likely to happen in this economy. Do it because you love it. That will show, and viewers will respond to it. ♥

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Liebster Award?

Published November 30, 2012

I know, I know, everyone’s done this by now. I’m very late to the party. I may have even been nominated on some other blog and not noticed due to being ignorant or something. None the less, in traditional, fashionably late Alex style, I now present to you:


I believe you are all familiar with drill. I believe that this game is a bit played out now, though, so I shall not be nominating anyone. None the less, here are my eleven random facts about me:

1) I take a bath in the tub nearly every day. I’m a bit addicted to them, and I’m convinced that they are good for keeping the skin on my bottom soft and spankable.

2) In addition to being a spanking and, it would probably be fair to say, discipline fetishist, I also have some level of fetishistic feelings towards selecting and wearing cute or ornate panties and knee socks, wearing a large number of layers of clothing during cold weather and bandaids, especially cute bandaids and especially when they are applied to me by someone else.

3) I once hit our State Bird with my car. I was rather distressed.

4) I’m currently grounded from USING THE LIGHT OVER THE STOVE because I keep leaving it on by accident. This is probably the silliest thing one can be grounded from ever, and it’s even sillier that it really bothers me.

5) There are only five decorative things in my living room: a signed and framed photo of Morena Baccarin that was a gift from a friend, a picture of my deceased elder brother, a periodic table, a small jar filled with origami stars which Zeki made for me and Barry and Bearito, my two flocked bears that Malignus bought me during my first two trips to Bear Country, USA. 

6) The other day, I passed out unconcincious in the middle of the grocery store because I hadn’t had enough water that day. It was a pretty unique experience, but I don’t recommend it to others. 

7) I want a puppy, but the deal is that I can’t get a puppy until I can beat Malignus at chess. I’m not good at chess. 🙁

8) I only learned how to swim about a week ago. I wouldn’t say that I’m good at it, but at least now I can do it to some degree without looking like a total fool. 

9) My favorite ice cream flavor is peach. Mmmmm. 

10) I was once spanked so hard that my fake eyelashes came off. I was surprised that this was possible. 


Eh, fake eye lashes don’t make that big of a difference, anyway. This was taken earlier in the evening before they came flying off my face. 


11) The fact that there are 11 items in this list is really going to ruin S_F’s day. 😀

And now, on to the questions that were posed to me Kaelah, over at Ludwig’s Rohrstock-Palast: 

1. What was one of your first kinky fantasies which you can remember?

My original spanking fantasies were very unformed and mostly just involved the actual act. Even as a child, I fantasized about adults in Domestic Discipline relationships, although I didn’t know that was the name for it. I also fantasized about being spanked by my peers, or by teachers or other authority figures. It wasn’t until grade seven when the stories I made up in my mind became complex and included reoccurring characters and complicated discipline scenarios.  

2. What makes you happy about blogging?

I like to write, and I like to share that which I write. Blogging has been a great outlet for that, and it lets me ramble on to a bunch of people instead of just talking my friends’ ears off all the time. 🙂 


3. Did blogging ever made you sad? If yes, why?

A couple of times I got into a slump of not posting, and this made me really disappointed in myself and therefore lead to me posting less frequently. That totally made me sad. I’ve only really been able to stick to my desired schedule now that I have YS enforcing this for me. 


4. Please describe one of your happiest kinky moments.

Over the summer, I spent six consecutive weeks touring the county and shooting/filming. I didn’t get back to Sioux Falls or see Malignus until after Shadowlane. When I arrived home, he had suffered a concussion at work that evening and he called me as I was getting off the plane to let me know I was not to tackle hug him for health reasons. There was quite a bit of regular hugging, though. We were both super exhausted that night, but he still spanked me two different times before bed, effectively melting away all the stress and exhaustion that had built up over a long period of travel. I felt so safe and content over his lap, and I was as at home as a girl has ever been. It’s wonderful to have a relationship where I can go out and have those sort of adventures and come home to be right where I belong again. 😀


5. What do you like about the kinky community?

Everywhere else, my fetishism makes me weird. Period. No matter how accepting a vanilla person is, within a group, if people knew just how much of my life was dedicated to spanking and D/s related activities, people would ostracize me. Here, I’m just one of the gang. I feel safe from judgement and like I can be my real self. 🙂 

6. Are there things you don’t like about the kinky community?

I don’t like Politics, and sometimes, spanko politics pop up. “You filmed with so and so and I hate them, so now we’re not friends anymore” and that sort of shallow thing. I also dislike drama, and things like back stabbing, and unfortunately, that happens from time to time, too. 

7. Please describe the most memorable development that you made in your kink (for example, meeting fellow kinksters for the very first time or becoming open for a new kind of play).

Probably the most memorable development for me would be when I came to learn about and be comfortable with my submission. I previously only identified as a bottom, but I eventually discovered that submission is really gratifying and an excellent way for me to grow. I’ve been much happier since I started down that path. 

8. Are there crucial elements in your kinky play?

For a scene to be gratifying to me, it either has to be spanking related or be something that another person with a strong scene presence or energy is really into, in a way that he can bring me into it as well. I did several scenes with IG that just weren’t stuff I’d normally be interested in, but which brought me into an awesomely submissive headspace because it was entirely about his enjoyment and that was something that our relationship made work. I can’t just get into something else with some random person, although truthfully, it’s rare for me to really get into a spanking with someone I don’t really know unless he is very talented at the mental side of things. 

9. Do you have any pet peeves when it comes to spanking storylines or videos?

I hate it when someone says something wrong in a video and they don’t go back to correct it. For example, I once watched a video where a Top was lecturing a girl during a spanking and he said “If you live under my house, you live under my rules.” What he meant was “If  you live under my roof, you live under my rules.” I couldn’t keep watching the video, because I was too busy imagine this poor girl who has to live in the crawl space under his house and still obey all the rules. 
10. Is there any kinky fantasy that you haven’t played out (yet) for fear that the real experience won’t be able to match the appeal of the fantasy?

There are a lot of things that seem appealing in my head but are not in the real world. All spanking related things have turned out to be awesome in the real world, but a lot of things that I was curious about outside of that turned out to just be really uncomfortable or creepy in the real world. I’ll even daydream about things that are excessively violent or scary beyond what’s appropriate, but there’s a different tint to those. I know that spanking is my fetish and that things related to that are things I want to do. Other stuff is a big question mark. 

11. Please describe one of your spanking (real life or story) fantasies in 11 or fewer words. 

Heather W. and I have a glitter explosion. Spanking ensues.

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Happy Spanksgiving!

Published November 28, 2012

Well, this is belated.
That’s what always happens to me with holidays and events. I’m kind of amazed that I managed to make my LOL day post on LOL day.

I do have a fairly good reason for my delayed posting (although it didn’t keep me out of trouble for breaking the blogging rules): Malignus and I traveled to Texas to spend Thanksgiving with likeminded friends there, specifically WearYouOut and LilLawBrat. I stayed with them in August and spent time with them at three other parties, and we’ve grown very close. Debs, Mila Kohl, Zoey Wicks and Morgan_ were other friends that we got to spend lots of time with. It was just wonderful to spend the holiday with chosen family. It was pretty much the best holiday of any sorts that I’ve celebrated.

Our flights to Texas on Wednesday went pretty seamlessly: Malignus slept basically the whole way and I read some Foucault and then played games on my phone once my brain got sufficiently tired out for philosophy. When we arrived, we were quickly greeted by LLB and we drove back to their house where I proceeded to pounce all over everyone who was there and demand cuddles. We went swimming and in the hot tub, which we would end up doing every single night. After we dried off, Mila and I snuck off for some girly catching up which we followed with Mila playing Bright Eyes’ “Lua” on her ukulele while we sang together (Mila is much better at singing than I am). I kind of wish I had a video of this to share with you, but for some unfortunate reason I don’t film 100% of my life. 😛 The night wrapped up with Malignus giving me a super relaxing bedtime spanking before we fell asleep in a really comfortable guest bed and slept until 11 the next morning.

Thanksgiving day itself was extremely fun. WYO and LLB don’t really let me help around their house too much (because they want me to actually take a break for once!) but I helped out wherever I could get away with it. I also followed them around the kitchen asking a bunch of questions, so I hope that I picked up a few extra cooking skill points (I often see myself as a Sim, with the blue skill bar over my head filling as I do certain tasks). LLB also bought me coloring stuff because I didn’t have any with me, so I drew name plates for each of the guests at the table. I don’t have photos of these, either, because I was kind of just living in the moment, but each one was ornate and tried to capture the aesthetic preferred by the person being labeled (to the best of my understanding). Zoey’s was kind of my masterpiece- her name was written in block letters filled with hearts, and then there was a kitten peaking up over the edge of the paper. Following his preferred style, Malignus’ was a plain white piece of paper with “Malignus.” written on it in plain black lettering. 😛

The Thanksgiving meal was pretty much the best meal ever. The turkey was perfect, there were tons of amazing sides and no one fought at the dinner table (something that’s NEVER happened in my family of origin). I was extremely thankful to be there with such lovely friends.

After dinner, we participated in the Thanksgiving tradition which I started last year: thigh turkeys.

I put the faces on in post this year, since having the marker on my skin last year was really annoying. 

In case anyone doesn’t know, turkeys really hurt, but they look pretty amazing. Zoey also received some turkeys, but Debs opted out for reasons that were somehow related to her boobs hurting. 😛

After I healed a bit, we ate some delicious pie (really, one of the best pies of all time) and then swam again. I went to sleep feeling snuggly, sore and full– pretty much the best possible combination.

On Friday, we avoided Black Friday. In fact, I think this is the first time that I successfully participated in Buy Nothing Day (totally by accident), although Malignus bought me and my friend Pandie a matching present (which I won’t post about until she gets hers).
Friday involved lots of spanking, of course, including some experiments with new-to-me implements.

Getting spanked by LLB!

And of course, what holiday is complete without me being spanked to the point of tears?

On Saturday, we ate Stanley’s Famous BBQ, which is basically the best place to eat in the world. That evening, Debs came over again and there was lots more spanking, including some extremely unacceptable implement usage. I also got nibbled on by WYO and LLB’s dog, Henry. It was kind of annoying when he nipped under regular circumstances, but when he decided to take a little chomp on my welted thighs, I got a bit cranky. 😛

Malignus approved of Henry’s “aftercare” 

In general, Malignus and that dog got along perfectly. Apparently they are both missing each other like crazy now that we’ve gone home: WYO reports that Henry has now “given up hope and is acting like an ass.”

So, I know this isn’t the most exciting post I’ve ever made, but that was my weekend in a nutshell. It was amazing to spend time with a whole bunch of people that I care about so much. It’s very nice to be home again, though. 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

News Day!

Published November 20, 2012

My blog is clearly not about the latest in spanking news, but today, I have a few things that I’d like to point out.

Item of business number the first: 
I’ve updated the template of the blog to be more visually appealing, and to include a kind of awesome new header, featuring a photo of me which was taken by my good friend Amoni Jones. I’ve updated my blog roll to include only blogs that have recently posted. If you took a hiatus from blogging, please send me a note when you return so I can, once again, include you. If you’re interested in trading links, please email me at alexinspankingland@gmail.com. For those of you who are interested in the details, I also updated the blog description and added a separate section for my disclaimers, which were also updated. I’ll be going through the static FAQ and cast of characters pages to update that information next. I’m happy to say that the current layout of the blog is much closer to what I originally intended for the page to look like during its inception.

Item of business number the second: 
The 2012 Spanking Awards are open for nominations over at The Spanking Spot. I’m really excited to announce that, at least in this preliminary stage, I’ve been nominated for New Spankee of the Year, Creative Blog of the Year and Spankee of the Year (the title currently held by my most beloved Ten Amorette).

Does this make a photo of me and Ten naked together topical? Please? 

I really wish that I could say that this sort of validation isn’t important to me, but that would be a huge lie. Until the spanking community, I was a quiet and forgettable girl. I could hardly get anyone to sign my yearbooks in school, let alone dream of being a superlative. I always fancied myself Most Likely to be Completely and Utterly Forgotten, Most Likely to be Shunned by Family and Friends and Spend Life Alone Due to Perverse Obsessions or Most Likely to Have Her Dead Body Discovered by a Public Librarian. I’m obviously now a very different girl than I was when I was younger, but I imagine it will take years to shake those feelings from the back of my mind. So, needless to say, this is a matter of huge excitement to me, and I’m really just overwhelmed with joy to have received nominations, especially from people for whom I have great respect. This makes me super happy. I went ahead and nominated a few people myself. If there’s someone you feel should probably win a prize, go ahead over and list them.

Item of business number the third: 
I can’t remember if I mentioned that my sets have been up for a while now on Real Spankings and Real Spankings Institute, but in case I did, I’ll mention it again. I feel like I haven’t done an “updates” sort of post for a while, so it’s likely that I did not. I had an absolutely fabulous time filming with Betty Blaze, and I can’t wait to go back and shoot again.


Shooting with Real Spankings was extremely exciting for me, because it was the first spanking site that I really looked at when I started using the internet for spanking related things, and I’d followed it on and off for years. It was just magical to put on the uniform myself and become part of that world.

Additionally, a couple of days ago my first clip went up on Amateur Spankings! Filmed during TASSP, this is an interview style video, which, of course, includes my butt:


I advice you all to go check those out. 🙂

Item of business number the fourth: 
For those of you who don’t yet know, my best of best friends, Heather Green has launched a blog: The grammatically challenged musings of Heather Green. She’s only posted twice so far, but I’m sure there is quite a bit more to come. In case anyone hasn’t heard, Heather is incredibly sweet, a dedicated friend and, despite what the name of her blog might suggest, quite a smart chick.

From Northern Spanking. She’s also a knock out, basically. 

Anyway, I recommend that you all go check her blog out. I expect it to be down to earth, honest and full of a seriously dorky sense of humor (just like my dearest Heather).

Item of business number the last:
One of my favorite stores for buying spanking related things, Paddles and Panties  has released Christmas themed items, including holiday paddles and seasonal panties.

Obviously, these ones are not for me.

I think that the idea of having special panties for each season is a VERY good one. They also have items for guys, which I think is fairly special considering the frequently heteronormative nature of the spanking community.

I have a good spanko friend who happens to have a phobia which is a bit unique: she’s afraid of Santa Claus. This would probably make a pretty effective punishment implement for her, right?

I know that’s cruel. I’m sorry. I can’t help it. 

It’s now 2:30 AM, and I’m behind schedule on my posting schedule as enforced by my wonderful Boss of Me, YS, so I stayed up to finish this one up, only to get a Semi-Boss scolding me off to bed. So now that I have finished, I shall check for typos in the morning. Heather W, if you see anything, PLEASE DON’T SAY ANYTHING.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Obnoxious Comments Revisited

Published November 15, 2012

In January I made this post detailing what kind of comments I frequently received on Fetlife that I did not appreciate. This post created some controversy, because people don’t like to be told that they are doing something that pisses others off. I actually lost a friend because he said that I was too picky about comments. -_-

Fetlife comments that are annoying, not appreciated or offensive continue to be a problem. I’ve branched out to notice several new types of annoying comments. Here is the updated list. Please note that this post isn’t exactly sweet and positive. If you don’t like this or you have some kind of delicate sensibilities and can’t deal with me using “harsh language” then I suggest that you skip this one.

1) Creepily sexual comments. 
I’ve already pretty well established that excessively sexual comments from strangers make me, and NEARLY EVERY OTHER GIRL ON THE INTERNET at least somewhat uncomfortable. I do acknowledge that there are some girls who get off on the idea that a stranger wants to put his tongue in them for hours, but those girls really aren’t the majority. I’m moving on to include “creepily sexual” in this category, because those are even worse. Topping this list is the comment “I hope you are looking forward to me sneaking up on you to give you a good fuck.” I hope the commenter is looking forward to me stabbing him the throat in self defense. Strangers being sexually forceful isn’t actually hot. It’s just…rapey. In a bad way. In a “if this comment was a neighborhood that I was driving through, I would lock my doors” kind of way.

2) Sexualizing non-sexual pictures or trying to force a picture into a different fetish. 
I know that Fetlife is about kink. It’s also basically where I hang out all day. I have more friends that I actually value, talk to and visit on Fetlife than any other place. Because of this, I sometimes post pretty vanilla stuff to my Fetlife page. I try not to post things that are excessively “Vanilla and Unpopular” like pictures of what I ate for dinner or a photo of some rocks, but I do post pictures of me just hanging out and doing regular-person stuff that have nothing to do with kink. It makes sense: I do stuff other than get spanked. I wear clothes most of the time. My whole life isn’t one big spanking video. Sometimes, commenters don’t understand this. Once, someone commented on a photo of me and a friend (I think Heather) at a mall or something with “Did you guys have sex in the foodcourt?” No! We walked around and looked at clothes, talked about whatever we were feeling insecure about, drank an Orange Julius, tried some dresses on and then went home.
Another time, I posted a photo of a cake and someone commented that he wanted to jizz all over it. Fuck you people.

Equally obnoxious to me is when people try to make up a story which fits my photo into a different fetish. For example, I uploaded a perfectly innocent photo of myself in the corner and someone commented with “Sent to the corner with a butt plug and vaginal dildo in place and told not to touch yourself.” No, just sent to the corner. End of story. You can think about whatever you want when you look at my pictures. Just don’t write those words down if they aren’t the kind of thing you share with everyone else.

Popular among my friends is the story of a comment that was placed on this photo:

This awesome photo is by Amoni Jones. I love her forever.

This is a picture of me that my good friend, Amoni took during an Alex in Spankingland themed photo shoot. At some point, I’ll be re-doing my blog to include some of these photos in the layout. I feel like this picture is fairly straight forward, especially considering that the next photo in the series is of me bent over that rock behind me with my bare, spanked bottom on display. I’m about to be spanked and I’m petulant about it.

According to a commenter, this is a photo of “a young school girl pissing out of doors.”
Oh. Ok. I GUESS I can see where you could kind of get that idea from. Maybe just a little.
Anyway, this became hilarious because I was amused by the syntax “pissing out of doors” (when he clearly meant “outdoors”) and did a literal demonstration (without actually peeing, of course) of what that looks like in my head: a girl opens up a door, stands in the frame, then thrusts her crotch forward in an attempt to piss out of the door. I imitated this a lot at Chicago Crimson Moon this October. I also got spanked for doing so. 😛

3) Complaints about pantie placement/what I’m wearing/how I’m posed/other details
I personally like panties a lot. I buy lots of cute ones, and I want to take photos wearing them. I love the way that my red butt looks sticking out from my panties. Often times, when I take pictures, I’ll pull my panties back up after a bare bottom spanking because I like that look. So. Many. People. Complain. About. This. It’s almost enough to make me not want to post photos of my butt to the internet anymore when I post a picture and I get comments like “that should have been on the bare” or “why did he leave your panties up”? It isn’t like I never post bare bottom photos. I’d say it’s a pretty even split. If you don’t like a photo with my panties up, go look at one with them down. Bam. Problem solved. Once, maybe a week after a photo of me having been spanked in my swimsuit was uploaded, someone commented on it saying “Could you take one with the bottoms pulled down?” Oh, yes. Let me go back in time to when I got that spanking and take a picture to your exact specifications.
I get these complains about lots and lots of things. “I wish your pajamas were dropseats.” “Next time, take a photo where you’re bent over the couch.” “Take pictures during the spanking, not after.” -_-
I usually just delete the offending comments and then move on with my life. One that I found particularly annoying was left on this photo:


This is probably my favorite photo of all time, leaving aside a couple of pictures of me and my brother, and it’s certainly my favorite spanking related photo. Why do I like it so much? Because those moments when I’m worn out and crying after a long, hard spanking and Malignus is holding me and calming me down are some of the most special moments in my life, period. This is the only time when there was someone else there at that moment with a camera, so it’s the only photo that I currently have of this kind of moment. It’s also from the first time that I visited Malignus, before I was his girlfriend, before we moved in together and built the life that we have now. It just brings up a lot of positive memories. It always makes me smile.
Someone commented on it saying that it would be better if my socks were white.
dfghosdoghosiudghdfioughdiufghiusefhisuefgtsuygfidfgisufisufgisudfhisufhiosuediufgiuhijbdfsdfhs!!!!!!!HNUIU!

4) Comments not related to photo.

This is a practice that a lot of people are guilty of that I just find really rude: commenting on a photo to say something which is unrelated to the picture. One time, one of my friends uploaded a photo of her thighs after they were spanked and it turned into a giant discussion regarding whether or not thighs should be spanked. Another time, a different friend uploaded a picture of her being spanked by a play partner and several girls started using the comments there as a place to brat their Tops. People start having side conversations. Someone comments on a photo to say something that’s just about themselves and is only tangentially related to what’s being pictured. A girl uses someone else’s photo comment thread as a place to be disrespectful to someone who isn’t even included in the picture in order to get attention. All of this is just, in my opinion, unacceptable. If you want to talk about something like whether or not thighs should be spanked, start a thread. If you want to brat your Top, go write on his wall or IM him. If you want to talk about yourself, post your own goddamn picture. I’m not saying that my pictures are uploaded just so that people will talk about me and pay attention to me, but it’s still my photo, and that’s not the right place for your discussion. You can argue this with me if you don’t agree, but I really find that disrespectful to the person who posted the picture.

5) Your ass is too pale/Those marks are too much. 

I don’t bruise like I used to. A really hard and severe spanking can leave me in a condition which photographs as “pink”. I’ve accepted this. Not bruising is convenient when doing lots of shooting: it means that I can do back to back shoots and never have to worry about asking Tops not to mark me. It just doesn’t always look as epic in the photos. People complain about this, or they diminish the intensity of the spanking that I received. “Nice warmup!” or “Off to a good start!” comments are always kind of snarky in a way that I don’t appreciate. On the other hand, when I *do* have noticeable bruises, there’s always someone who comments or otherwise points out to me that they think it’s “too much for their taste.” My spankings are tailored to me. I don’t upload photos from something that wasn’t a positive experience. If I’m bearing marks and I’ve photographed them, it’s because *I like them.* Aren’t you people ever satisfied?!

6) I like the one on the left. 

In general, I don’t like it when I upload pictures of myself and people talk about me like I’m not involved. “I like that girl’s ass.” “She’s got nice tits.” Those aren’t enough of a peeve to warrant me including them as a category here. What really bugs me is when I upload a picture of me in a group of girls and someone comments saying which one of us they like the best. This happens a lot with my Sternwood Academy pictures, or pictures of me hanging out with friends at parties. Someone will comment and say “The third girl in is the hottest!” or “I like the one on the left.” Nothing makes a girl feel great like saying “Your friend is hotter than you, I just wanted to point that out!” It doesn’t matter if the girl that they are singling out as “the hot one” is me or not. It just isn’t nice. Not to mention that the language used in these comments is often really objectifying. Harumph.

-End of List of Things I Don’t Like-

Because for the fast few months I’ve been trying to focus on the positive in life, I’m going to do a quick positive affirmation to make up for all the negativity in this post.

I get LOTS AND LOTS of awesome comments that make me feel great about myself. I love it when people take the time to let me know that they enjoyed what I wrote or a photograph of me. I love it when people tell me that my cuteness made their day. I love it when I inspire people to to take their own photos or write their own blogs. I love it when my friends are concerned about me and want me to be happy. I love my readers. I love it when people reblog tumblr pictures of me and attach my name and link to them when someone just uploaded a promotional picture or whatever. I love it when people comment on my blog to just say “I read your post and liked it.” I love my friends. I love my boyfriends. I love my Bosses of Me. I love my sisters. I love spankings. I love my hair. I love my pajamas.

Also, I recently drew this as an assignment from YS. Pretty epic win, huh?

Posted in Photoshoots | Tagged , , , , , , | 34 Comments
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Oh, Hai!

Alex

Los Angeles, California, United States

First and foremost, I’m a girl who loves being spanked. It’s at the very center of my being. I’m also a professional spanking model, which means I get to do what I love for my job. I’m twenty six years old, and currently located in Los Angeles when I’m not traveling around on my adventures. My vanilla interests include poetry, film history, academia, Pokemon, indie music, baby animals, baking and cooking, collecting vintage clothes and lots of cuddling.

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