I’m back from approximately 11,587 adventures that have left me away from home and mostly off the internet for a long time. Paul is in England and I’m back in Los Angeles, so for the time being, we aren’t shooting anything for Northern Spanking or our other forthcoming projects, which means that I have a little bit more free time than I usually do. I spent the morning catching up on email, and I have my House Boy coming to do chores this afternoon. I decided that it would be really nice to get back into blogging, if I can. Blogging used to be such a habit for me, but when I start again, it never sticks. It makes sense. My life is full to the brim with travel, producing and appearing in videos, doing sessions, going to events and spending time with partners and friends. It gets overwhelming pretty often, and during times when it isn’t, I feel the need to unplug and just enjoy being with people. At the same time, I love being able to share my stories and come home from my trips with something that all of you can enjoy, too.
So, let’s try again. Maybe this will be an isolated post, or maybe it won’t. We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?
Working backwards in terms of places I’ve been recently, I arrived home from Denver the other night. Denver, of course, is where I go to shoot for the Real Spankings sites, and to visit my BFF, Amoni, who lives out there.
I shoot for Real Spankings a couple of times a year, generally speaking. It used to be more often than that when I lived in the midwest and had a life that it was easier to sneak away from. Real Spankings was one of the first spanking websites that I ever looked at when I was starting to explore what the internet had to offer– I think this is the case for many people. I remember being totally enamored with it, and I know that lots of aspects of it made an imprint on the way that my fetish developed.
The first times that I went out and shot for their site were nerve wracking but extremely exciting. I was such a fan girl, having watched these videos for years and years at this point. Real Spankings has a very particular aesthetic, and even though the location where they shoot has moved a lot of times, they’ve kept the look of the spaces consistent with the same furniture, wardrobe et cetera. It was a really immersive experience to then be able to walk directly into that world and be a part of it. The first time I wore the Real Spankings Institute uniform I felt like I was going to die from excitement.
Besides all the giddiness I had about participating in something that I’ve loved for a long time, there was a huge level of apprehension surrounding those first couple of shoots because, uh, the spankings on those sites are really hard. I remember wondering if I was going to be able to take it. It felt kind of like an ultimate test to me. At the time, I was playing really hard on a regular basis though, so I had a lot of confidence in my ability to endure. I was right– it was a painful experience, of course, but a very positive one and I was eager to repeat it.
The first two or even three times that I shot for Real Spankings, Michael Masterson wasn’t there. He was on a hiatus from appearing on film. The first time that I went out and met him was a really, really big deal for me. He was one of the first video Tops that I really fixated on, and I was both worried about making myself look stupid in front of him and I had more than a little healthy fear of getting spanked by him.
One of the ways that I’ve been most fortunate in my adventures exploring the world of spanking is the fact that the majority of the people that I was a fan of before meeting turned out to be genuinely amazing in real life. Sometimes I take a step back from my life and think about how surprised the younger version of myself would be by the adventures that I’m having and the wonderful people I get to spend time with. While I was in Denver, I had a moment like this. I realized that I was texting my partner, Paul Kennedy, to tell him about the great day that I had with my friend, Michael Masterson. I can’t imagine how badly it would have blown my mind to have known that this was going to end up being my life.
Anyway, in the present, I have become really close friends with Michael, and shooting for RS has remained something really special for me. It’s a space where I enjoy pushing myself, and Michael is one of the people who I trust the most to push me.
The idea of limits within a spanking scene is something that can be tricky. The more calloused side of myself sometimes hears someone (or even myself) say “I can’t take that” and thinks “well, what’s going to happen? Are you going to burst into flames?” For a long time, I thought that setting limits was a weakness and I did very little of that. There were things that I wasn’t going to seek out, but I was generally happy to take what I was given.
Then, I went through a period of time where I became very emotionally vulnerable and I came to understand the limits that people set for themselves quite a lot more. I struggled to relax and let things happen to me because I was afraid of getting hurt. This was something that colored my life for a long time, and which I’ve only recently been able to fully shake off. Even during the time that I was most protective and concerned, I felt totally safe and happy to push myself when shooting for RS. I’ve always felt so safe and emotionally comfortable there. I know that the spankings I’m going to get are going to hurt and leave me feeling sore, but I also know that I’m going to be safe and secure while it’s happening and that no one is going to do me any harm. This allows me to just be the person that I am and enjoy what we’re doing.
Basically, they’ve created an environment that makes me want to give it my all, to keep pushing myself and to make something that I really love and value.
All this said, a side effect of this environment is that I can let my headspace be really…real. I can let myself get really worked up over the spankings that I’m going to get because I know just how much they’re going to hurt. I always plan these trips pretty far in advance, and there’s a slow building of anticipation as the date approaches. I’ll be talking about my upcoming plans and I’ll mention going to go shoot for Real Spankings with *just a twinge* of nervousness about what that means: it’s still really far off at this point.
As my trip to Denver was getting closer and closer, I started thinking more and more about what was looming in my future and I started building it up in my head. I started remembering particularly hard spankings that I got in the past. I started remembering them really vividly, and these memories made my heart pound. There were times when I got spanked really, really hard. I was crying and struggling and deep in the headspace of being punished. Remembering these things nervously and knowing that they’re in the future as well as the past is an intense headspace experience for me. It creates just the right kind of fear. I have to really trust someone to feel the right kind of fear before a scene, but when I do, it makes the whole experience feel so authentic and all encompassing for me. For a scene to be totally gratifying for me, it has to build up this way.
By the time that I flew into Denver, I had worked myself up over this quite a lot.
My girlfriend, Adriana Evans, was already in Denver. We were going to be shooting together the next day. I’ve gotten to see Adriana a lot recently and I’ve been totally spoiled by it. She’s one of my favorite people in the world and we always have so much fun together. Being with her makes me feel really young and lighthearted. We got to hang out with Michael before shoot day, and had lots of fun.
The next day was time to shoot, at which point I was full of (enjoyable) nervous energy. It was so much fun to get to share this experience with Adriana, who totally gets me and who was greatly contributing to my headspace. She’s also just the best. I love doing anything with her.
We shot six scenes this day, and they built up in terms of toughness. The first scene was hand only, and I got to be a pervy voyeur while Adriana got spanked, so that was lots of fun. The next two scenes were harder: we both got strapped in both of them. Michael got the tops of my thighs a little bit with the second strap and I was a very sorry girl indeed. Listening to Adriana get her punishment and holding her wrists while she did it was very headspacey for me, too. These two scenes left me crying out and squirming around a little bit, but I was able to take them fairly well.
We were halfway through, but I knew that the second half was going to be more than a bit harder to take.
That didn’t mean it wasn’t fun, though! We got to do a scene where we wore the famous Real Spankings dropseat pajamas: one of the only things that I really remember watching but never had a chance to actually wear.
We took our dress up games too far, and got the belt. (This scene includes something special and exciting, too, that is right up Adriana’s alley, haha). We got to cuddle each other afterwards and enjoy a nice, lovey moment:
Real talk: this scene was hard and I was really struggling to be good during it. Michael’s belt isn’t just a normal belt. It’s crazy thick and very serious business and it always makes me particularly sorry. We got belted standing and bending over, which is a position that I struggle to maintain. I have to pay attention to keeping myself upright, which makes it harder for me to get into my totally passive headspace and prevents me from blocking out the pain a little with this. My butt was hot and my skin felt swollen and sore by the time this was done. I was close to crying, but not exactly there. Fortunately, I had Adriana to give me a bunch of cuddles, because I knew what was coming next: paddling.
Every time I come to shoot for Real Spankings, I get a school paddling. It’s just a fact of life. It’s ten swats, and I’m always telling myself “anyone can take ten swats of anything” when I become nervous. But those swats count. The whole thing is such an experience…it really feels like I’m actually getting punished at school. It’s (almost always) over jeans, which gives a certain level of protection and creates verisimilitude, but it also means that the swats can be that much harder. I used to be scared of getting paddle swats because I didn’t know what it would feel like…and now I’m scared of them because I do. There’s nothing else in the world that feels the same way. It’s this sudden an inescapable pain that comes with so much *force*. It feels like I’m going to go flying across the room. The sound is so loud, too, and the louder something is, the scarier it is. But it isn’t just sound: these swats are the kind of thing that you feel for a long time after the scene.
I managed to keep myself from getting *too* worked up this time. Sometimes, I get so deeply into my headspace that I start feeling lightheaded (I love it). I was feeling a little sweaty though, and my heart was definitely pounding. To make matters worse, Adriana got paddled first. Which is fair to her, really, since I’ve been paddled way more often than she has and that’s the way it’s supposed to work, right? The more experienced friend is the one who has to listen and worry?
I was very worried. The swats sounded hard and loud and Adriana was practically yelling by the end.
I was very hesitant as I got up and got in position for my paddling. I felt like I could look over to Adriana for support but I was too focused on what was going on inside my head for that. It was just as hard as I was worried it would be. I *did* yell, and probably sounded truly pathetic, to be perfectly honest. I fell deep into the emotional space of having been punished (even though it obviously wasn’t real) and felt very sore and sorry by the time it was over. But I didn’t cry. I was close, but not exactly there.
I usually cry whenever I shoot for Real Spankings, but sometimes I don’t– it just depends. I was in a pretty good emotional space and not carrying around baggage that I needed to get out, and I was well rested and surrounded by friends, so any tears that were going to come would just be from headspace and, yep, pain, not from me letting go of things I was carrying around (which sometimes happens in my life, and is honestly a great thing for me).
The last scene of the day was a school girl one, and it started out lighthearted and fun but as soon as I got the first smack with a heavy wooden ruler, I realized just how sore and busted my butt was and I immediately felt tears building. It had been a long day and my butt was really feeling it. Even though it didn’t really fit the scene, I felt comfortable to just let go and fall into that and I started crying. I honestly would have been disappointed if I hadn’t. This was the final piece of making the whole thing truly intense.
At the end of the scene, I got six strokes with a heavy yard stick and six with the cane and I just sobbed the whole time. Because spankings hurt, and what else are you supposed to do? I felt a little hazy afterwards: that’s a lot of adrenaline and endorphins, but I felt good. My needs were met, and I knew that the videos we had filmed were going to be great. Plus, I had gotten to share all these intense scenes with Adriana and Michael, two people I just adore.
My job is hard and demanding, but damn, it’s great sometimes. :3
We finished off our visit with a quick trip to Red Rocks:
That night, I went to Amoni’s house, where I immediately went to her freezer and stole an ice pack. I was definitely bruised and marked and it really did hurt to sit. It was great.
I was only in Denver for a day and a half after that, and I spent most of the time just hanging out with Amoni (and petting her really cute dog):
I also got to go see the Mountain Goats the next night, but this is Alex in Spankingland, not Alex in Indie Music Land so I won’t go into it too much. Suffice to say, it was a brilliant show and I had an amazing time.
The next morning I had to get up early to head back to LA. I was still very tender as I sat on the flight home!
So, the first month of the year is very nearly over.
First, let’s have some news and updates from my spanking universe.
Basic stuff first:
I’ve been trying to revitalize my spanking news blog, Spanking Wishes, and I am currently posting something on it literally every day. Please go check it out, and give the corresponding twitter account a follow: @spankingwishes.
On the subject of social media, I have been keeping very active on my Tumblr and on Twitter: @spankingland.
I’m active on Fetlife in short bursts, but will be trying to spend more time on the site. I accept all friend requests there, so please feel free to send me one. I also still have a kinky Facebook page, but I’m on that even less frequently. While I have a lot of awesome friends that I primarily communicate with through that site, I also get a ton of sexual harassment over it. I get guys sending me pictures of their genitals on that site far more frequently than on any other. I get called a bitch for not wanting to spend lots of time chatting to total strangers about sex for free. I get people demanding that I give them videos for free because “we’re friends now since you added me on facebook!”
I quickly run out of steam for dealing with this stuff. So, I’ll keep trying, mostly because the spanking romance author community is primarily on facebook and I do want to get more involved in that again, but it’s a struggle for me. If you want to send me a friend request, feel free: just be aware that while I do not post photos that include nudity (including bare bottom photos) on facebook, I post explicitly about spanking pretty much all the time and post links to NSFW material.
The Spanking Awards are going on now, which is always an exciting time!
So far, voting has been opened up in 4 categories.
The first one is Best New Spankee. There were so many new spankees this year that were really amazing, and I’ll be giving a shoutout to a handful of them in a post over Spanking Wishes in the next couple of days (since that’s less about me and more about videos), but the selection in the voting is also awesome. I’m happy to see a bunch of my friends included! I’m particularly proud to see three performers who did their first ever spanking shoots with Paul and I for Northern Spanking in the voting. They’re also three of my favorite girls in general, since I’ve been lucky enough to build close friendships with a lot of the performers that we work with.
So, I’m proud of you guys: Ava Nicole, Linny Lace and Nuna Starks! All three girls deserves awards for being adorable, hard working and taking lots of hard spankings. I love you guys! Plus, a big shout out to my friends Tai and Kenzie, who I haven’t gotten a chance to shoot yet, but really look forward to the day that I do! You girls all kick ass. So, go vote for one of these amazing ladies.
The next is Best New Top, which is a new category this year. I think I may have suggested this at some point, but I don’t know if I actually did or if I just thought about it. But either way, I’m glad that John added this category! Tops don’t get as much love in the spanking video world, to be honest, but we literally couldn’t make videos without them (or, we could just make self spanking, which would get boring really quickly). Plus, after having spent a lot of time on both sides of the the paddle in videos, I feel like it’s more important that a Top does an excellent job than almost any other person involved in video production. You have to be physically accurate and you need to be able to carry yourself with authority and have believable scolding going on. So, yes, love to Tops. Tops everywhere.
In this category, one of my favorite “new” Tops is up for voting: Princess Kelley May! I say “new” as Kelley has a ton of experience as a Top and had done a little bit of it on camera before her return to the screen, but she definitely made a splash when she came back after having been away for a long time. Plus, her shoot for Northern was her first time shooting for a membership site.
Anyway, Kelley is an absolutely great Top. I love the way she scolds and I love the way that she spanks. Besides, she’s totally gorgeous and always has PERFECT HAIR. I’ve been trying to get her to teach me her secrets for years but I think I’m just not destined to have perfect hair.
The other lady I adore in this category is my girl Adriana Evans. As I mentioned in my previous post, Adriana and I have become very close in the past year or so. I love her so much and miss her all the time!
Adriana is also a great Top. I love being spanked by her, although our spanking play often ends up taking a somewhat different direction due to the nature of our relationship… 😉
The next category is Best Facial Expression. I’ve come in the ranking for this before, but I’ve never won it and I would really love it if you would vote for me and make that happen! Think of all the times that I’ve had my face covered with tears and I’ve looked truly pitiful during a spanking. Think of how much eye cream I have to use because I’m always scrunching my face up in pain and agony and I don’t want to get fine lines out of control. Think of the fact that I’ve literally popped my jaw out of alignment because I was biting a pillow too hard when screaming and wailing. (The photo above is a screenshot from Spanking Blogg’s listing about me. You can’t actually click the links. I tried. It’s my own post. Siiiiiigh)
My campaign promises are more hard spankings producing more pathetic sad faces from me. I guarantee it.
The most recently opened category is Best Male Top. My most beloved, very favorite Top on Earth is up for voting in this category. Surprise, it’s Paul!
Honestly, Paul deserves an award just for putting up with my massive amounts of nonsense on a daily basis. But he also does an absolutely fabulous job in videos. He gives hard spankings, he gives perfect canings, and he doesn’t have a gross ego about it. He’s just the best. You should vote for him. :3
So, that’s where we are so far with the Spanking Awards. Remember that you can vote once per device, so if you use the internet from your laptop, desktop, iPad and phone… then you can vote four time. Juuuuuuust saaaaying!
I’m going to start a second post that tells you about what else I’ve been up to this month, but I’ll finish this one with some upcoming news.
I’m going to be on the road a lot coming up!
I’m heading to the UK in the start of February. I’m sorry to tell you guys that this time, I am NOT going to be available for shoots and sessions while I’m abroad. I’m only actually going to be over there for six days, and it is my plan to spend as much of that time as possible just hanging out with my friends and having a much needed kick back.
That said, for those of you who want to do sessions with me in London or elsewhere in the UK, I’ll be over for an extended period of time in August. Make a preliminary mark on your calendars, and feel free to shoot me an email and inquire about details whenever it suits you. I’ll be available to both give and get hard spankings, plus I’ll likely be able to do 2-2-1’s with some of my lovely British friends, as well. But that’s a long way off. I just want to make sure you guys know that my choice not to work while I’m over this time isn’t a permanent change. I just kinda need a holiday. It’s going to be the best.
Later in February, I’ll be heading to Palm Springs for some fun and adventures. (I’m fully booked for my time there, but if enough people are interested in seeing me in that direction I could certainly come out again later one). I’ve never been there so there’s a lot of fun stuff I’m looking forward to seeing.
Then, near the end of the month, I’m heading to Vegas. I *am* taking bookings for both shoots and sessions while I’m there, so feel free to shoot me an email about that: firstname.lastname@example.org . I am going to see a bunch of friends and have an awesome time while I’m there and I’m just so excited.
And after that, I’m heading to Denver to get to see my dear and darling Amoni. Hopefully I can get her to photograph me again! And what’s a trip to Denver without a visit to one favorite spanking sites that I don’t run? I’ll be getting a bunch of spankings for Real Spankings and Real Spankings Institute while I’m there! If anyone would be interested in seeing me for sessions in that area, please let me know ASAP! I’d love to be able to get together with you during that visit. Email address is above.
So, that’s the basic news. Watch this space for more detailed information about what my life was like in January, coming soon!
Look at me, continuing my post! Two posts in one month! This year is off to a good start…well, in terms of posts anyway.
Let’s get into it right away and look at scenes 6 – 10 in my top ten favorite scenes of 2016!
6) Sister Trouble from Momma Spankings
This scene was shot when I was in Vegas at an event with friends early in 2016. It was during this time when Adriana Evans and I were first starting to bond. Getting close to Adriana and building our special relationship (one part lovers, one part like sisters, one hundred percent normal, don’t worry about it) has really been one of the most special things that’s happened since 2016, and I hope that we get to spend a lot of time together in 2017. She’s very previous to me. *heart eyes*
Anyway, during this event, I was shooting for my friend Sarah Gregory and her sites and she asked if I wanted to do a scene with Adriana. Of course I said yes! The plot that she made up for us once again worked very, very well. Adriana was teasing me for being too babyish and always wearing overly cute things while she prefers to have a more grown up, sexy appearance. This is like, the core of a lot of our interactions in real life, to be honest, except it’s just playful teasing. In this video, we started really fighting, and our mom, played by Miss Anna, had to come and punish us for it.
I was in a kind of emotional mood that day (I don’t remember the reason, probably because I was at the event without Paul since he was still in England at the time) and I started crying real tears right away, even during the hand spanking! Whyyyyy could those tears not have come when I was getting bathbrushed? There are no answers to these questions.
7) Up All Night from Kitchen Sink Spanking
Another thing which I really loved in 2016 was the fact that my friend Princess Kelley made her return to shooting spanking videos! I got to shoot with her a handful of times, mostly with me directing her for Northern Spanking (but a few of her topping me there, too) and also when we shot for Real Spankings as mentioned earlier, where she topped me for quite a few scenes.
Kelley moved to the East Coast at the end of the summer, after having been a good friend who I enjoyed spending a lot of time with in LA. Before she left, we got together at her house to do one last shoot together, where we shot scenes for both Northern and for my side project, Kitchen Sink Spanking. KSS is sort of a hodgepodge of things, often becoming a home for scenes that we film that don’t otherwise fit in with Northern’s themes. It was originally a place that was meant to be about me, personally, though, so we filmed a couple of scenes with Kelley that fit that original concept.
In this scene, I’m Kelley’s roommate and I’m horribly irresponsible with my sleep schedule (again, we’re getting a little too real here with the sleep thing). Kelley gets up early to go to the gym and discovers that I’m still awake and lounging on the sofa. She decides that I can’t make good choices on my own, and that she’s going to spank me for staying up all night. She does exactly that, then makes me change into very childish pajamas to emphasize what a naughty little girl I’m being before strapping me and sending me off to bed. I really love the sort of forced ageplay theme, and Kelley and I had very good energy together for that.
8) Busted for Blackmail from Cheerleader Spankings
Cheerleader Spankings just came out in 2016! It was (I think) the only new site this year and it was a very exciting launch. I had filmed some scenes for it before it was set up, and one of them is this scene, which features me and Maddy Marks.
Maddy is one of my favorite people to Top. I know her very well and we’ve been close friends for a long time, so I know how she likes to play. In fact, I think she was one of the very first people I ever topped, and she was definitely the first person I topped on camera. I was very excited to get to shoot this scene with her, since it was kind of darker, bullying scene, and that’s something that I really enjoy exploring. I like this when in both roles, but it’s something I’ve taken a strong interest in as a Top. I like the way that Maddy responds to having mean and unfair things done to her, and playing with her in this capacity has really let me learn how to let that side of myself loose.
In this scene, I’ve caught Maddy trying to blackmail me, and I’m going to really make her pay for it. I get to be quite bossy, and Maddy is caught in a bit of a pickle, since she can’t exactly protest against anything that I do to her, or else I’ll reveal her blackmailing scheme. She gets spanked, the hairbrush and a hard paddling, all of which I take great delight in dishing out.
Honestly, this is one of my favorite scenes I’ve done as a Top, period!
9) Three Girls Paddled After Gym from Real Spankings Institute (once again, this isn’t the real name, sorry)
Earlier in the day when I shot the “Rematch” scene I was talking about a few scenes ago, I got my customary school paddling that I always seem to get when I shoot for Real Spankings. School paddlings are tough. They’re a different kind of pain than most other spankings. It’s so much hurt coming down on you so suddenly. I don’t do these kinds of paddlings often, because there are few Tops who I feel comfortable taking them from (and at home, there’s a strong preferences for caning to fill the same kind of disciplinary niche).
The scene was planned so that Maddy, Harley and I were all going to be paddled and I was going to be the first one to go. In retrospect, that seems a little bit unfair to me: I probably should have volunteered to go to last, since sitting and waiting while you can hear your friends getting spanked is pretty intimidating, and I’m the only one of the three of us who had ever been paddled by Michael before, so that made me the senior girl out of us. I should have taken one for the team. But, at the time, no one thought of that (and I probably only thought of it now because it’s a theme that’s been coming up a lot in the erotica I’ve been reading, for full disclosure).
That all said, I know Michael Masterson very well, and he knows exactly how much I can take. When playing with him, that’s an awful lot. He didn’t know either of the other two girls, so I was probably in for the hardest spanking. We were to get ten swats total. The first five were from The Dean (that is to say, Michael) and the second set were from Miss Kelley. Kelley isn’t a soft paddler, either, but she and I have never played in such a limit pushing way, so I was less nervous about taking her swats, although I probably shouldn’t have been.
When we were all sitting outside the room listening to Michael and Kelley talk about how badly behaved we’d been and what they were going to do to us, I got very, very nervous. I hadn’t had a paddling like this in a long time and I knew that it was going to hurt, and a lot. The scene was very immersive, sitting in the chairs in the other room with the door open and listening to these authority figures talking about what was going to happen to us and knowing that it was going to happen soon. It was very, very, very my kink. I fell deep into the headspace of a naughty student awaiting discipline and in that moment, the whole thing became completely real for me. There’s no other way for me to say it. It didn’t feel like a fantasy at all. It just felt like I was in it, sitting in front of the Dean’s office awaiting an undeniable spanking. When I caught glances at my two friends, they looked very scared as well.
Honestly, it was one of the most immersive scene experiences I’ve ever had. I feel a feeling that I can only express as a love/hate relationship towards really intense and immersive scenes, but that’s not exactly accurate. I don’t feel this way about every scene, but in certain cases, when playing with people that I know well and know are able to bring me there, I want it to be really scary. I want to not like it. I want to truly wish that it was over, or that it wasn’t happening to me. I want to feel that scared and regretful “Why did I do such a dumb thing to get myself into trouble, I promise I’ll never misbehave again” feeling in my stomach. So, when a scene feels real, I don’t exactly like it while it’s happening. But I crave that headspace, and I love it pretty much the instant it’s finished. That headspace is rare for me, but it’s remarkable when it does come through, and it’s a memory that will remain gratifying for a long, long time.
It was my turn to come into the office and to bend over the desk to be paddled. The Dean told me to place my hands flat on the desk and to keep my feet on the floor. This is hard for me. I like to grip things and hold on for dear life, and I tend to kick my feet around a lot. He made it clear that if I moved in either way, I was going to get extra. In reality, I don’t know if he meant it or not, but I wasn’t in reality when this scene happened. I knew that I needed to be still, even though it was going to be hard to.
I had kind of stopped caring about being still and taking spankings “well” at some point. It generally looks more visually interesting on video if you move around a lot, so I had sorted of adopted that as a go-to. And I do like resisting. And I do like being overpowered. But I found in my head a space that I used to enjoy going to a lot, where I could overpower myself. I focused on that and told myself that I was not going to move.
The descriptions that I have for the first paddle swat are really, really cliche sounding. I feel like I saw stars, my whole mind alight with how hard the swat had been. I felt like I was physically moved forward by the force of it (which is kind of impressive because I’m not exactly a wisp of a girl). The air was practically knocked out of me, and I lingered in this very long second where I felt the impact before I felt the pain, and then everything went double fast in order to catch up. I made a truly pitiful noise and my knee buckled, but I didn’t take my hands or feet away from where they were supposed to be.
The second swat followed directly. It was still hard, but not as shockingly so. My wailing didn’t sound any less pathetic, though. The third swat brought me to tears, which was a relief. Crying felt right. It felt real. And it let some of the tension out of my body.
After the third swat, I knew I had two more to go before there was a break as the Tops switched. This meant that I was more than halfway to my first goal. I have a theory that I tell myself when I’m taking spankings and I get concerned that I can’t take what I’m getting: anyone can take ten swats with anything. This, of course, isn’t actually true, and the use of the word “anyone” can get a bit hairy if you think about it too hard, but it’s a useful thought to go to when things are (intentionally) overwhelming. But there is a sort of truth to it: a lot of “taking it” comes down to “letting it happen.” Accepting that this hurts. Not resisting or panicking. So I got myself to that point, and I cried a lot. The last two swats seemed close together in my mind.
We switched over to Kelley paddling me, and I was honestly a bit surprised by how hard her first swat was. I had kind of had the idea that because, in the real world, Kelley is a close friend of mine, that meant that she wasn’t going to punish me so severely. I don’t know where I got that idea from: it was wrong. My bottom was already incredibly sore from the swats that had come before and I was already in tears when she started spanking me, but at least my resistance was pretty gone. I counted each swat so carefully in my head. I actually made a little puddle of tears on the desk, I think. My palms were tremendously sweaty as they pressed against the desk’s surface. But I didn’t move.
When the paddling was over, I was told to go sit back outside and listen to Maddy and Harley as they got their spankings. I kept crying for a little while as I sat there, but I was a little bit less immersed in the scene. I was out of it just enough to be sky high happy about what an intense experience I had just had.
I was so sore when this scene was over. My butt felt swollen and like it should be absolutely purple. But by the time that my friends had finished receiving their punishments and we all lined up to show off our marks, I was hardly even pink. I appreciate the fact that my body recovers quickly in terms of color, because it allows me to continue to shoot after doing tough scenes like this. But it drives me crazy that I don’t get the satisfaction and gratification of having people look at my butt and know exactly how sore I am.
10) By Order of the Court from Northern Spanking
It’s probably no surprise that my favorite scene that I shot this year was for my own site. It was REALLY hard to pick a favorite because I really pour my heart and soul into everything that we do for Northern. This scene was particularly fun because it was a group scene that involved a lot of people that I really like: my friends Cupcake SinClair and Harley Havik, plus Violet October, who I got to know and become friends with because of this shoot. Plus, Paul was the Top, and he’s my favorite Top!
By Order of the Court was a custom film. It took a lot of planning to do: we had to rent a location, Violet flew in from Vegas for the shoot, and there were a ton of schedules to coordinate. I particularly like doing customs. I really enjoy the directing side of making a spanking video, and it’s fun to direct from someone else’s script. It just so happened that the script for this scene was a fantasy that I really enjoy: a judicial punishment. The film has no explicit setting but it has a generically English feeling, especially because of the fact that in addition to caning, one of us got the birch. The one of us was me!
This was my first proper birching. Previous to this I had gotten a few strokes from Pandora Blake during a photoset we did for Dreams of Spanking and Paul had given we a couple of strokes over my leggings when we were in the Inveraray Jail Museum in Scotland. They had a birching bench and a birch on display with a sign that said “please try.” It was the kinkiest museum of all time.
So, I was very curious to discover what full force strokes of the birch on the bare felt. I could take a guess and say that they were going to hurt.
When we arrived at the house that we had rented in order to do this film, we immediately started to look for branches that might be suitable for making birches. We pulled into the driveway, opened the house up, checked the rooms and then got right to work stripping long, thing, flexible branches off the trees. There had been no appropriate ones near our house. I could imagine that to an outside observer who didn’t know what we were doing it would seem like very odd proceedings.
Eventually, we decided that we couldn’t find enough branches there, either, so we drove to a nearby park. I was somewhat embarrassed to be looking for appropriate birch making materials in a public park, but Paul assured me that there was nothing weird about it. When he started stripping them down in the parking lot (BECAUSE HE HAS NO CHILL), someone came up to us and asked what we were doing. Paul lightheartedly joked that we were going to make a wreath. I don’t know if he was convinced or not.
We filmed the scene the next day. It involved the first three girls each getting 25 strokes of the cane, followed by me receiving my birching. First, we all had to strip naked, and I ended up directing parts of the scene that didn’t involve me that way. Porn life!
I enjoyed watching as Paul thrashed each of the girls before me. I was fascinated by watching their different reactions to the punishment. I’m particularly fond of watching him Top other girls. I don’t get to see the way that his body moves or his facial expressions when I’m the one getting spanked by him, and I love these things.
After watching him deliver 75 cane strokes, it was time for me to get my birching. I was nervous, but mostly excited to see what it would be like.
What it was like was extremely stingy. Despite being bundled together, it still bore almost no weight. It was the whippiness of a switch but spread across a wider area of my bottom. It did have less bite because of that. It still left me whimpering and gasping. When it was finished, I was a little endorphin high and very sore. My friends were obviously in similar states.
In order to prevent this post from being EVEN LONGER THAN IT ALREADY IS I only included pictures from my segment of this scene. The full scene is over 40 minutes long, but the whole thing is extremely engaging to watch. I highly recommend it. It was, in fact, my favorite scene I did this year!
WAAAH! So much for having free time and staying caught up! Life has remained in whirlwind mode pretty constantly since my last post. I started this one in the beginning of June, but damnit, I’m going to finish it!
So, a couple of months ago I had a super fun adventure that I’m going to talk about now. In the past year or so, fellow spanking model Adriana Evans and I have been getting closer and closer. In addition to being a spanking fetishist, Adriana is an ABDL (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover for those of you who don’t know). As I’ve become closer friends with Adriana, I’ve gotten the chance to get to know some of the awesome people that she’s friends with from that side of her kink (and, as a side note, I’ve had some fun exploring it myself with said friends).
First, I got the chance to spend some time with Ally Cakes, who became a fast friend of mine. We have a lot of interests in common and when she visited us in LA to shoot for Northern Spanking the first time, we spent tons of time talking and hanging out and became very close. Earlier this year, Ally came to visit and shoot with us a second time, and that connection grew even more. Although Ally has done plenty of ABDL modeling, her first shoot with us was her first time dipping her toe into the spanking video scene, and she did an awesome job. She’s just so cute!
Adriana, Ally and I became a little group of friends, texting each other a lot (mostly about cute things) and buying matching stuffed animals, et cetera. It was through these two that I was introduced to Ava Nicole, or misspandapants.
As soon as I saw Ava I knew that I wanted to shoot with her. She’s just adorable, and I was assured that although she was coming from the same situation as Ally (having done ABDL videos but never having done a spanking video) that she liked to be spanked. Since she lives elsewhere on the West Coast, she wasn’t *too* far away from us, so we decided to ask her if she’d want to come down to shoot. Since she was only going to be shooting with us and didn’t have any other plans in LA, I thought I’d offer to take her to Disneyland, too. Because who doesn’t love Disneyland? I figured it would be a good way for us to get to know each other better before the shoot, too, to make it a little less weird to just show up with some friends-of-friends and get spanked.
The problem came with how creepy I felt saying “Hey, I will take you to Disneyland if you fly down here and let us spank you.” Adriana and Ally assured me that it was the kind of creepy that Ava wouldn’t mind, so I got the nerve up to send the email. Lo and behold! Ava was up for coming to LA and was not creeped out by my offer to go to Disneyland. Maybe it just sounds like something that someone who wants to abduct you would offer to me? I dunno.
I started planning this shoot a bit before Paul came back, and it was one of the first shoots we did once he returned to the US. I was a little bit nervous on the way to pick Ava up from the airport. I’m always a bit concerned that people aren’t going to like me, and when I’m wearing my Producer Hat I’m also always cognizant of making sure that models, especially new models, are comfortable and having a good experience. But as soon as I met Ava, I knew we were going to get along. She’s just as nice as she is cute!
We spent a lot of the evening chatting and getting to know each other. It really helped that we were close with the same people already. As the visit progressed, it became clear that although Adriana, Ally, Ava and I (the A-Team?) had never all hung out, through both common experience and the magic of the internet, we were able to become mutually friends. They’re all such special girls and I feel so lucky to have gotten to know them. ^_^
Anyway, the next day, Ava and I went to Disneyland. It was a really, really awesome day. She had never been before, and it’s the most fun to go to Disneyland with people who don’t go all the time because they’re impressed with everything :P. Adding to the excitement for us was the fact that a bunch of baby ducks had just hatched and were running around all over the place being cute. :3 The baby ducks pictures didn’t turn out very well, so here’s us being cute instead:
The lines weren’t particularly bad that day, so we were able to do almost all of the fun stuff and still had extra time left. We ended up exploring Toon Town, which I usually don’t do, but we were definitely in the right headspace for it. We ran around and climbed on things and I got in Pluto’s dog bed, because cute.
The night normally ends with Fireworks, but we still needed to find a couple of souvenirs so even though we stayed in the park until it was closed, we ended up hanging out in the open-later-than-late-because-we-want-you-to-buy-stuff store searching for something for a shot glass. Because Disney is too family friendly for drinking, apparently (despite the fact that you can get REALLY unintentionally trashed on the drinks in the cove bar because they are potent with alcohol, but I digress) shot glasses are referred to as “toothpick holders” there. It took us a long time to find some, but by then we were determined. When we finally did, they weren’t that great, but at least we’d accomplished the mission? Then, as we were leaving, going out the same door that we came into the store through, we realized that literally the first table we walked past had exactly what we had been looking for on it. ihusfhsfhsnijbhksksguhseohur!!! Fail! We ended up going back in line and exchanging the one that Ava had picked out for the new one. It was a little ridiculous, but we were laughing the whole time.
The next day was our shoot day. Between the time that we booked the shoot with Ava and the actually shoot, a conversation had taken place with my very good friend Princess Kelley. Kelley had been retired from doing videos for several years, but had recently started thinking about possibly doing them again and had come to the conclusion that she was definitely up for it, but only wanted to appear as a Top. This conversation more than likely took place over pie or pancakes at our favorite hang out, but I’m not 100 percent on that detail anymore. But it’s likely.
I was thrilled that Kelley wanted to start doing videos again because she was so great at it! In such a short time spent filming, she had really made a mark on the spanking video world. Plus, having hung out with her for the past couple of years, I’ve come to be *very* fond of watching her give spankings. Her scolding is so perfect. A lot of her favorite scenes aren’t the kinds that I necessarily think of as my favorites, but watching her do them always leaves me unable to shut up about how hot they are. So, knowing that the shoot with Ava was coming up, I asked Kelley if she’d want to Top for most of the F/F scenes that we were planning and she said yes! I was a little overjoyed that in one shoot we’d be getting to work with a brand new-to-spanking model *and* do Kelley’s first shoot back in front of the camera. It was obviously destined to be something special.
Ava and I were surprisingly chipper on the day of the shoot given our long day at Disneyland. Our first few scenes involved Paul topping Ava and me doing camera and photography. I like to think that I’m getting better at both of these skills. I only took one unit of film production when I was in school and I spent a lot of that making a stop motion video of a cuddly moose and a cuddly polar bear playing checkers (of course I did, also the polar bear won) but I’ve had very good teachers now that I’m learning by doing: Paul has been making spanking porn for like 15 years or something like that and Rafa is a remarkably talented cameraman who actually did take and pay attention to tons of production classes at school. Being the only person on camera gets a little stressful for me sometimes, but I think everything from that morning turned out very well. A couple of previews, although you’ll have already seen more if you’re following me on tumblr:
Kelley then came over and we did the two girls’ first scene together, which is the one which is already out on Northern Spanking and our clips4sale, called “A Different Spoon.” The story is about Ava, who plays Kelley’s younger sister, trying to live up to her sister’s reputation as a good baker by volunteering to make the cakes for the school bake sale despite having no idea how to bake. As a Top, Kelley really excels at scenes that are caring and for-your-own-good. In this scene she really nailed that, not just scolding Ava for being irresponsible but emphasizing the importance of being her own person and embracing who she really is, not feeling like she has to do everything her big sister does. Plus, the spanking was delightfully hard. While watching, I found myself making Dale Cooper-esque thumbs ups to Paul, who was on the other camera, to signify that I was super happy with the way the scene was going.
Here are a couple of the pictures from that scene:
Plus, some behind the scenes photos that I took while Paul was taking the above photos:
We took a break for lunch, which we spent chatting in addition to eating and getting to know each other better (aside from Kelley and I, who already know each other pretty well, lol). During lunch, there was a knock on the door and a package was delivered. It was a bunch of school uniforms that I had ordered from online. I opened them up and enjoyed how cute they were. After lunch, we did a couple of other scenes with Kelley as the top, including Ava’s first on camera caning. For that scene, she was originally supposed to wear a gingham school dress that I got when I was in England, but those dresses can be hard to fit because they don’t really stretch in the chest at all and they’re designed for actually children. It was squishing Ava’s boobs a lot and it was not the best look. Fortunately, an alternate school dress had arrived during lunch, so we were able to use that the day we got it: something which never happens because I’m pretty addicted to buying more cute clothes for shoots than we can actually use -_-.
Plus, we had to get a scene of me spanking Ava, and one of Kelley spanking me, obviously. These two are photosets, and they’re both currently up on Northern Spanking.
There were other scenes shot, but I won’t spoil all the surprises there. You’ll have to wait and see. I personally find the final scene we shot that day hilarious as it’s chock full of inside jokes, but I’ll save that one and post the background story once it comes out because the story will make more sense if you’re actually able to watch the video.
Somehow, we all ended up in bras before the day was done, though:
After Kelley went home Paul, Ava and I did some decompressing, then went out for steak and drinks. Post shoot meals are always a lot of fun, and usually involve looking at all the photos that were taken that day on the camera while trying to pretend that you’re DEFINITELY NOT LOOKING AT PORN IN A PUBLIC PLACE (sidenote, all I ever do is look at porn in a public place).
Then, we came home and Ava and I drank good wine out of sippy cups. I mean, what else would you do after a hard day of work, really?!
The next day we had sushi for lunch and then took Ava back to the airport so she could head home. I haven’t gotten to see her again since, but we’ve chatted lots and lots in a girls’ group text with Ally, Adriana, Ava and I. Rumor has it, the gang will all get to be in one place for the first time ever for some spanking holiday that takes place in early September… I wonder what that could be?!