I’m back from approximately 11,587 adventures that have left me away from home and mostly off the internet for a long time. Paul is in England and I’m back in Los Angeles, so for the time being, we aren’t shooting anything for Northern Spanking or our other forthcoming projects, which means that I have a little bit more free time than I usually do. I spent the morning catching up on email, and I have my House Boy coming to do chores this afternoon. I decided that it would be really nice to get back into blogging, if I can. Blogging used to be such a habit for me, but when I start again, it never sticks. It makes sense. My life is full to the brim with travel, producing and appearing in videos, doing sessions, going to events and spending time with partners and friends. It gets overwhelming pretty often, and during times when it isn’t, I feel the need to unplug and just enjoy being with people. At the same time, I love being able to share my stories and come home from my trips with something that all of you can enjoy, too.
So, let’s try again. Maybe this will be an isolated post, or maybe it won’t. We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?
Working backwards in terms of places I’ve been recently, I arrived home from Denver the other night. Denver, of course, is where I go to shoot for the Real Spankings sites, and to visit my BFF, Amoni, who lives out there.
I shoot for Real Spankings a couple of times a year, generally speaking. It used to be more often than that when I lived in the midwest and had a life that it was easier to sneak away from. Real Spankings was one of the first spanking websites that I ever looked at when I was starting to explore what the internet had to offer– I think this is the case for many people. I remember being totally enamored with it, and I know that lots of aspects of it made an imprint on the way that my fetish developed.
The first times that I went out and shot for their site were nerve wracking but extremely exciting. I was such a fan girl, having watched these videos for years and years at this point. Real Spankings has a very particular aesthetic, and even though the location where they shoot has moved a lot of times, they’ve kept the look of the spaces consistent with the same furniture, wardrobe et cetera. It was a really immersive experience to then be able to walk directly into that world and be a part of it. The first time I wore the Real Spankings Institute uniform I felt like I was going to die from excitement.
Besides all the giddiness I had about participating in something that I’ve loved for a long time, there was a huge level of apprehension surrounding those first couple of shoots because, uh, the spankings on those sites are really hard. I remember wondering if I was going to be able to take it. It felt kind of like an ultimate test to me. At the time, I was playing really hard on a regular basis though, so I had a lot of confidence in my ability to endure. I was right– it was a painful experience, of course, but a very positive one and I was eager to repeat it.
The first two or even three times that I shot for Real Spankings, Michael Masterson wasn’t there. He was on a hiatus from appearing on film. The first time that I went out and met him was a really, really big deal for me. He was one of the first video Tops that I really fixated on, and I was both worried about making myself look stupid in front of him and I had more than a little healthy fear of getting spanked by him.
One of the ways that I’ve been most fortunate in my adventures exploring the world of spanking is the fact that the majority of the people that I was a fan of before meeting turned out to be genuinely amazing in real life. Sometimes I take a step back from my life and think about how surprised the younger version of myself would be by the adventures that I’m having and the wonderful people I get to spend time with. While I was in Denver, I had a moment like this. I realized that I was texting my partner, Paul Kennedy, to tell him about the great day that I had with my friend, Michael Masterson. I can’t imagine how badly it would have blown my mind to have known that this was going to end up being my life.
Anyway, in the present, I have become really close friends with Michael, and shooting for RS has remained something really special for me. It’s a space where I enjoy pushing myself, and Michael is one of the people who I trust the most to push me.
The idea of limits within a spanking scene is something that can be tricky. The more calloused side of myself sometimes hears someone (or even myself) say “I can’t take that” and thinks “well, what’s going to happen? Are you going to burst into flames?” For a long time, I thought that setting limits was a weakness and I did very little of that. There were things that I wasn’t going to seek out, but I was generally happy to take what I was given.
Then, I went through a period of time where I became very emotionally vulnerable and I came to understand the limits that people set for themselves quite a lot more. I struggled to relax and let things happen to me because I was afraid of getting hurt. This was something that colored my life for a long time, and which I’ve only recently been able to fully shake off. Even during the time that I was most protective and concerned, I felt totally safe and happy to push myself when shooting for RS. I’ve always felt so safe and emotionally comfortable there. I know that the spankings I’m going to get are going to hurt and leave me feeling sore, but I also know that I’m going to be safe and secure while it’s happening and that no one is going to do me any harm. This allows me to just be the person that I am and enjoy what we’re doing.
Basically, they’ve created an environment that makes me want to give it my all, to keep pushing myself and to make something that I really love and value.
All this said, a side effect of this environment is that I can let my headspace be really…real. I can let myself get really worked up over the spankings that I’m going to get because I know just how much they’re going to hurt. I always plan these trips pretty far in advance, and there’s a slow building of anticipation as the date approaches. I’ll be talking about my upcoming plans and I’ll mention going to go shoot for Real Spankings with *just a twinge* of nervousness about what that means: it’s still really far off at this point.
As my trip to Denver was getting closer and closer, I started thinking more and more about what was looming in my future and I started building it up in my head. I started remembering particularly hard spankings that I got in the past. I started remembering them really vividly, and these memories made my heart pound. There were times when I got spanked really, really hard. I was crying and struggling and deep in the headspace of being punished. Remembering these things nervously and knowing that they’re in the future as well as the past is an intense headspace experience for me. It creates just the right kind of fear. I have to really trust someone to feel the right kind of fear before a scene, but when I do, it makes the whole experience feel so authentic and all encompassing for me. For a scene to be totally gratifying for me, it has to build up this way.
By the time that I flew into Denver, I had worked myself up over this quite a lot.
My girlfriend, Adriana Evans, was already in Denver. We were going to be shooting together the next day. I’ve gotten to see Adriana a lot recently and I’ve been totally spoiled by it. She’s one of my favorite people in the world and we always have so much fun together. Being with her makes me feel really young and lighthearted. We got to hang out with Michael before shoot day, and had lots of fun.
The next day was time to shoot, at which point I was full of (enjoyable) nervous energy. It was so much fun to get to share this experience with Adriana, who totally gets me and who was greatly contributing to my headspace. She’s also just the best. I love doing anything with her.
We shot six scenes this day, and they built up in terms of toughness. The first scene was hand only, and I got to be a pervy voyeur while Adriana got spanked, so that was lots of fun. The next two scenes were harder: we both got strapped in both of them. Michael got the tops of my thighs a little bit with the second strap and I was a very sorry girl indeed. Listening to Adriana get her punishment and holding her wrists while she did it was very headspacey for me, too. These two scenes left me crying out and squirming around a little bit, but I was able to take them fairly well.
We were halfway through, but I knew that the second half was going to be more than a bit harder to take.
That didn’t mean it wasn’t fun, though! We got to do a scene where we wore the famous Real Spankings dropseat pajamas: one of the only things that I really remember watching but never had a chance to actually wear.
We took our dress up games too far, and got the belt. (This scene includes something special and exciting, too, that is right up Adriana’s alley, haha). We got to cuddle each other afterwards and enjoy a nice, lovey moment:
Real talk: this scene was hard and I was really struggling to be good during it. Michael’s belt isn’t just a normal belt. It’s crazy thick and very serious business and it always makes me particularly sorry. We got belted standing and bending over, which is a position that I struggle to maintain. I have to pay attention to keeping myself upright, which makes it harder for me to get into my totally passive headspace and prevents me from blocking out the pain a little with this. My butt was hot and my skin felt swollen and sore by the time this was done. I was close to crying, but not exactly there. Fortunately, I had Adriana to give me a bunch of cuddles, because I knew what was coming next: paddling.
Every time I come to shoot for Real Spankings, I get a school paddling. It’s just a fact of life. It’s ten swats, and I’m always telling myself “anyone can take ten swats of anything” when I become nervous. But those swats count. The whole thing is such an experience…it really feels like I’m actually getting punished at school. It’s (almost always) over jeans, which gives a certain level of protection and creates verisimilitude, but it also means that the swats can be that much harder. I used to be scared of getting paddle swats because I didn’t know what it would feel like…and now I’m scared of them because I do. There’s nothing else in the world that feels the same way. It’s this sudden an inescapable pain that comes with so much *force*. It feels like I’m going to go flying across the room. The sound is so loud, too, and the louder something is, the scarier it is. But it isn’t just sound: these swats are the kind of thing that you feel for a long time after the scene.
I managed to keep myself from getting *too* worked up this time. Sometimes, I get so deeply into my headspace that I start feeling lightheaded (I love it). I was feeling a little sweaty though, and my heart was definitely pounding. To make matters worse, Adriana got paddled first. Which is fair to her, really, since I’ve been paddled way more often than she has and that’s the way it’s supposed to work, right? The more experienced friend is the one who has to listen and worry?
I was very worried. The swats sounded hard and loud and Adriana was practically yelling by the end.
I was very hesitant as I got up and got in position for my paddling. I felt like I could look over to Adriana for support but I was too focused on what was going on inside my head for that. It was just as hard as I was worried it would be. I *did* yell, and probably sounded truly pathetic, to be perfectly honest. I fell deep into the emotional space of having been punished (even though it obviously wasn’t real) and felt very sore and sorry by the time it was over. But I didn’t cry. I was close, but not exactly there.
I usually cry whenever I shoot for Real Spankings, but sometimes I don’t– it just depends. I was in a pretty good emotional space and not carrying around baggage that I needed to get out, and I was well rested and surrounded by friends, so any tears that were going to come would just be from headspace and, yep, pain, not from me letting go of things I was carrying around (which sometimes happens in my life, and is honestly a great thing for me).
The last scene of the day was a school girl one, and it started out lighthearted and fun but as soon as I got the first smack with a heavy wooden ruler, I realized just how sore and busted my butt was and I immediately felt tears building. It had been a long day and my butt was really feeling it. Even though it didn’t really fit the scene, I felt comfortable to just let go and fall into that and I started crying. I honestly would have been disappointed if I hadn’t. This was the final piece of making the whole thing truly intense.
At the end of the scene, I got six strokes with a heavy yard stick and six with the cane and I just sobbed the whole time. Because spankings hurt, and what else are you supposed to do? I felt a little hazy afterwards: that’s a lot of adrenaline and endorphins, but I felt good. My needs were met, and I knew that the videos we had filmed were going to be great. Plus, I had gotten to share all these intense scenes with Adriana and Michael, two people I just adore.
My job is hard and demanding, but damn, it’s great sometimes. :3
We finished off our visit with a quick trip to Red Rocks:
That night, I went to Amoni’s house, where I immediately went to her freezer and stole an ice pack. I was definitely bruised and marked and it really did hurt to sit. It was great.
I was only in Denver for a day and a half after that, and I spent most of the time just hanging out with Amoni (and petting her really cute dog):
I also got to go see the Mountain Goats the next night, but this is Alex in Spankingland, not Alex in Indie Music Land so I won’t go into it too much. Suffice to say, it was a brilliant show and I had an amazing time.
The next morning I had to get up early to head back to LA. I was still very tender as I sat on the flight home!
I had a lot of downtime from blogging here, and I missed a lot of things that happened in my life. For now, though, I’m just going to pick back up with writing about what most recently happened. And that was today.
I’ve talked before about the difference between play punishment and real punishment. Play punishment is a big part of my daily life with Paul, where real punishment happens fairly rarely. Although I enjoy being naughty when it’s just-for-fun, being good and obedient in “real life” is important to me.
I don’t wear shoes in the house most of the time. This is primarily because I have a lot of pain in one of my knees and so I have to keep it straight if I’m sitting for long periods of time, such as when I’m working or writing, or watching TV, or playing video games… so a lot of the time. This leads to me usually sitting with my feet up on the couch or working from my bed with my laptop on my lap, like I’m doing right now. So, no shoes.
The first time that Paul went back to England after he had been here, I set up an outdoor sitting area for him as a surprise. We don’t have much of a yard, since our house is still in a semi-urban area, but underneath the camphor tree in our yard, I put a couple of chairs, a chiminea and a small table. Paul spends a lot of time sitting out here when he’s taking breaks from work. He sits in one of the chairs there and reads: Paul reads more than anyone else that I know, which is something that I really like about him.
So, when I want to find Paul to ask him something, or just to climb onto his lap for cuddling, I first check in his office. If he’s not there, he’s almost always in the yard. The problem is that when I want to go out into the yard to talk to him, I often don’t bother to put shoes on before I do this.
At first, I thought that the reason that Paul kept scolding me about this was because I then tracked a lot of leaves and things into the house on my feet, but this didn’t really matter that much, I didn’t think, seeing as Paul wears shoes in the house and we have really fuzzy cats, so the floors are almost always in need of sweeping up anyway. Admittedly, I really didn’t take being scolded when I didn’t wear shoes in the yard very seriously at first.
One day, though, I went out to talk to him and noticed that there were a lot of bees in the yard. In fact, I very nearly stepped on one while barefoot. This is a big problem, since I’m seriously allergic to bees. After that happened, Paul started being very serious about the “wear shoes when going outside” rule.
The problem is, I keep forgetting about it. I had made such a habit of just running out without bothering with shoes. Because I get to the backyard through the back door, which is located in the kitchen, there isn’t any room for me to just leave shoes by the door. I have to actually go find my shoes and put them on. Ugh. My life is so hard. 😛
Despite getting (not so severely) spanked for not wearing shoes in the yard several times in the past, I forgot about it again today. Paul was in the yard reading, and I had just finished watching the most recent video for Northern Spanking. At least half the time now, I make up the names for videos. I watch them once the editing is done, then I make a list of ideas and ask Paul which ones he thinks are the best. This time, I had pretty much decided which one was the best one, and I felt enthusiastic about zipping out the yard to let him know.
Of course, I did this without shoes on.
After I told Paul what I had decided on, and he agreed with me that it was good, I curled up in his lap to snuggle for a little bit. It was sunny and bright out, and I felt very content.
“How’s your tummy feeling?” he asked me, stroking my hair.
I had eaten a sandwich which was questionably not good earlier in the day and had been feeling a bit queasy. I told him that I still didn’t feel 100% right.
“Tell me when you do,” he told me, his voice sounding stern and serious. “I’m going to punish you for not wearing shoes in the yard.”
“Well, I’m never going to feel better,” I moped, trying to curl my toes up as if that would somehow make it less noticeable that I was barefoot. We both knew that wasn’t true, of course.
Soon, I was feeling pretty okay, and I went to the gym. This is a new thing: while I had previously only worked out at home, I’ve been actually going to the gym and following a routine there now. It’s kind of intimidating to me, because I don’t know what I’m doing with half the stuff there, but it’s really rewarding to see myself getting stronger and fitter.
I came home and took a shower, then got dressed again and found Paul in his office. It was time for more cuddling, of course. I seriously spend a pretty decent percentage of my days snuggled up to him when I can. I have to save up for later. 😉
“Are you feeling better now?” he asked. I nodded hesitantly: I couldn’t lie. “Go to your room,” he told me. Paul has a specific tone of voice that he only uses when I’m in real, actual trouble. It’s very tender and gentle, but extremely authoritative. The sound of that tone touches at the core of what D/s is about to me, and I would never disobey him when he talked to me that way.
I sat on the edge of the bed for a few moments, waiting for him. It seemed like a very long time to me, but I knew that realistically, it wasn’t long at all.
Then he came into the room. He wasn’t carrying anything with him, which didn’t necessarily mean that I wasn’t going to get punished with an implement: there were several in the room already.
“Stand up, Alex,” he instructed.
I stood up next to him, looking up at his face.
“I’ve punished you for this before, haven’t I?” he asked.
I nodded sadly, not wanting to admit that I hadn’t really taken those minor punishments to heart before.
“Like almost all your rules, this is to preserve your safety and well being,” he lectured, reminding me about the fact that I could get stung by a bee or step on something sharp outside.
I felt guilty and I felt a little embarrassed. In my previous D/s relationship, I used to get punished for things that, primarily, annoyed or caused inconvenience to my ex. These things didn’t make me feel the same way. I felt like I was in trouble, then, and it felt real, but it lacked the feeling of being nurtured and taken care of. The fact that my rules exist because Paul cares about me and wants to protect me makes me feel particularly bad when I break them.
Paul sat down and pulled me over his lap, lifting the skirt of my dress to expose my bottom. Then he began to spank me with his hand. Each swat was particularly hard and forceful, much more than it would be if we were just playing. They stung and bit, and I found myself struggling over his lap a little bit: I was still slightly sore from the spankings I had received the two previous days.
Paul grabbed my hand and held it behind my back. He wasn’t pinning my wrist in place, just holding my hand there. It made me feel like I was very much under his control, but it was still an affectionate gesture. It calmed me, and I lay still, taking the spanking fairly quietly. It got to a point where I was sufficiently warmed that each hard swat didn’t hurt so much anymore, and things were almost becoming nice.
It was then that Paul stopped and instructed me to get up and to take off my dress. I did as I was told, folding my dress and setting it on the dresser behind me as Paul grabbed four pillows and put them in a tall stack on the middle of the bed.
“Over the pillows, bottom uppermost,” he instructed.
This is a very normal instruction for us. I like being in this position, with my bottom higher than the rest of my body. It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel like I am on display. It makes me feel like my bottom is a very obvious target. All of these things make the submissive part of my brain hum happily.
Paul stood to one side of me, so he was in my field of vision, and then he removed his belt. He did it fairly quickly, with strong, sharp movements that foreshadowed how, exactly, it would be moving in just a moment.
He took his position and lay the belt on me, finding his mark. He did this motion a few times before the first stroke, and with each one, I whimpered as I awaited the biting sting that would soon be following.
After what seemed like ages, he snapped the belt down against my bottom. It hurt, but I was ready for it. The second and third strokes made me grunt and gasp a little. The fourth was particularly sharp, and it landed with a pinching feeling on my bottom, reminiscent of the tawse. I let out a wail. The strokes began to fall harder now, and each one solicited small cries from me.
After five strokes, he changed sides. This is something that Paul almost always does, and which very few people who I play with do. Because most people I play with tend to only swing from one direction, and it’s been this way for the past nine and a half years that I’ve been getting spanked, the opposite side is still somewhat less conditioned, so these strokes always hurt more. I gripped at my Rilakkuma cuddly toy (who I call “Fat Head”) and pressed my face into the plush material, as if this would bring me some kind of relief.
Once ten strokes had been delivered, I expected Paul to change sides again. Paul and I tend to play so that far fewer, but very hard strokes are delivered, usually of a set number. This is different from the way that I’ve played with a lot of other people, but it’s a headspace that has a strong effect on me. It feels formal, more like a school punishment. It feels very controlled, which is something that gives me great comfort and allows me to let go more during the scene.
Instead, Paul started to scold me again:
“You’ve been punished for this before, haven’t you?” he asked.
I nodded, my voice not coming through for me.
Paul’s only response to this was to tap the belt against my thighs.
I whimpered and lowered my head, knowing that this was really going to hurt. And, in a second, it did: a bright, blazing light of pain across the middle of my thighs. I let out a cry that probably sounded fairly desperate. The next several strokes landed this way, seeming to illuminate my entire body, each stroke feeling like it covered much more flesh than it actually did. I struggled to keep from reaching back, and sometimes raised my feet after the belt landed and had to force myself to move them back down before I was asked to.
Having my thighs spanked and otherwise punished has always been psychologically important to me. It’s the ultimate love/hate relationship, and I was fascinated with it even before I actually started to play. It always seemed like a punishment within a punishment: the harshest of sanctions.
When the belting was finished and my legs were striped by the strokes I had received, I felt very passive and chastised. I curled up in Paul’s lap, thanking him for punishing me, as is our protocol. I felt very young and very taken care of, and these are two of the feelings that I cherish the most that can come from this thing we do.
I’ll be careful with my shoes in the future, not because I’m afraid of being punished again, but because I know that it’s important and that Paul cares about me enough to make sure I know, and that’s the best feeling.
Following my trip to Texas and about a week of downtime in South Dakota, I took off for Denver. This was the start of a series of ridiculously wonderful adventures and I’m very glad to be sharing them now! I arrived in Denver with the plan to visit with Amoni for a while (and of course take photos together) and shoot for Real Spankings before heading off to a cabin with Paul for over two weeks of alone time. Amoni got me from the airport and we had a series of nice adventures together, including but not limited to attending a Scarlet Moons spanking party for an evening, jumping on her trampoline (is this a theme? Yes, yes it is) and a delightful photo shoot.
The night before my Real Spankings shoot, I was feeling a little bit nervous. I’ve shot with them two other times before, and had a wonderful, if very painful experience both times. The first time, I was topped by Betty Blaze for all of my scenes. This was very comfortable for me, because we got along well right away and I felt like it was easy for me to be myself around her. I felt a bit nervous when I had to do clips that involved me being interviewed on camera because that’s not my strongest suit, but the actual spankings were really fun and enjoyable to film.
|One of my first RSI scenes. This hurt and was very sore after, but the scene was really immersive and fun to film!
The second day that I filmed it was with Danny Creighton topping me. I’d met and hung out with Danny before, and we’d played at a Scarlet Moons party a few months before that, so I felt very at ease being spanked by him. The details of that shoot are in this post, but it was both fun and challenging, since I did the “School Swats” and “School Strokes” series and those were both quite hard spankings.
|From my second shoot.
The shoot that I was getting ready for was going to be with Michael Masterson. I’d never met him before, and I’d been told by everyone who had worked with him that he was very nice and personable. He’d also been very friendly towards me on the internet. That said, I was pretty intimidated. I’d been watching him spank girls crazy hard for… years. It’s also always a bit weird for me when I meet someone in real life who I had been aware of on the internet for a long time. I feel kind of shy and self conscious around them. This was at it’s most severe when I first met Paul, because I’d had an internet crush on him for a long time (sidenote: yes, I realize that my current situation is one that people usually don’t get to have. Luckiest girl on the internet, right here!) so I was extremely shy around him and kept sort of looking at the floor and talking in a quiet voice. With Michael, I felt pretty confident about the idea of meeting him and talking to him, but I was a bit jittery at the thought of being spanked by him. During the time in my life where marking and obvious severity were important to me in the content that I viewed, I’d looked at a lot of his work because it really satisfied those requirements. I’d seen countless girls reduced to tears by him over the years. Was I next?
When I arrived at the filming location, I was full of nervous energy. We hadn’t really planned out any shoot ideas in advance, but I knew we were going to do four scenes, split between the two sites. I came into the house and saw Betty, who I’m always happy to see. She’s friendly and fun, and I really enjoy being around her at shoots. Then I met Michael, who was very friendly and personable. I hope I didn’t act too nervous as we sat on the sofas and chatted, so he could get to know me a little bit. I talked about other shoots I’d done, and my personal preferences. At one point, he mentioned how he’s always had trouble finding other good Tops for the site.
“Oh yeah, I remember you writing that on your blog in like, 2005.” I said. I *did* remember that. Michael’s blog was one of the first ones that I followed (along with spanking blog and Adele Haze’s blog. I don’t know why those three were the ones I got into, I just found them and started reading :D) and I distinctly remember the post in which he discussed what it took to be a good Top on film and how difficult it was to find people who fit those requirements.
I think Michael was pretty surprised that not only was I very familiar with his sites and all the content that they’d done over the years but that I was able to remember details from eight year old blog posts. I worried that this made me creepy, but I know that personally I find it very complimentary when people can converse with me in a way that makes it obvious that they actually read what I write, so I hoped he took it the same way.
We then started talking about what my limitations in terms of what I’d want to do were. I felt pretty open for anything, but I was honest about one thing that was important to me. “I’d rather do my most severe scene OTK, since that position makes it much easier for me to take something hard.” Real Spankings does a lot of bent over positions, even lunge position type spankings and if I’m getting spanked particularly hard, I start to be afraid that I’m going to fall over in these poses. I *can* take hard spankings in these positions, but if I don’t have to focus on holding myself up, I feel more vulnerable and safe and react better. Michael asked me what kind of thing I was thinking of. “I could go for a hard spanking with a hairbrush or something like that,” I suggested.
Masterson was obviously pleased by this suggestion. Apparently a lot of girls don’t just show up and ask for hard hairbrush spankings. I do! That kind of scene is very core to my kink, and I love it when I can do videos that embrace the things that are very “me” like that. The fact that we decided to do that as a school girl scene made it even better.
We then got on to doing our first two scenes. They’re for Real Spankings.com (not RSI) and haven’t been released yet. The first one was a pretty long and hard hand spanking scene. I felt a bit nervous as we started, but the scene was straight forward and moved very quickly into the spanking, and as soon as it started, I felt calmer. It was hard, and certainly not playful, but it felt quite comfortably within my tolerance, and I appreciated the fact that he wasn’t trying to intimidate me right out the door and was obviously concerned about my emotional comfort, not just with making a great scene. This felt very mentally good, and I took the rest of the spanking in a good headspace.
The second scene was immediately following the first, as it was a “part two” in the same story. In this scene, I got belted. I used to be kind of fearful of belts, but the more I get spanked with them, the more I’ve come to find that they fit very nicely into certain parts of my kink. They’re very traditionally masculine, and I like the use of everyday objects for violent purposes :D. For this scene, I was bent over the bed and I tried my best not to move from my position too much. The belt hurt, though. Lots and lots. I cried out and struggled a little bit, but again, I felt very secure throughout the entire scene.
We took a bit of a break after that, and then moved to doing the Real Spankings Institute scenes. The first one of these was a strapping scene where I was bent over and holding onto the railing in the hallway. I liked the very public and on-the-spot nature of the scene. The strap hurt plenty, too. It carried a lot more weight than the belt had, and each stroke made me jut forward a bit and whimper or cry out.
|My bottom is red and my face is concerned. 🙂
This scene had a somewhat longer spanking, although again it got to the action pretty quickly. My character was a little bit sulky about what was happening to her. It’s very unfair being me sometimes!
I was impressed with Michael’s technical finesse, although it makes sense, since he’s been doing this for a long time. My bottom was covered in a box of red, without any strokes deviating from where they should have been. Perfect coverage and a lot of soreness.
We went on to film the final scene immediately after this one, pretty much. The idea was that in the first scene, The Dean had come to get me to strap me because I’d gotten in trouble by the Head Girl earlier in the day and he had warned me that if I had to be punished again that week, it would be severe before sending me off to class. I suppose I just sat in my room and pouted for a little while, because I then realized that I was late for class and came thundering down the staircase. This meant running in actual corridors with carrying schoolbooks. Fun. I wish I could do that all the time! (I suppose I could just do this in my apartment, but that’s not very fun.)
The Dean, of course, caught me, and was impressed with my incorrigibility (thanks, so am I! It’s a talent, getting into so much trouble) since he had just spanked me in the hallway a few minutes before. He asked me why I was late and I responded with “It’s your fault, because you were spanking me!”
Not my best plan. I was quickly lead into the lounge, where he returned with a brush. This was no ordinary hairbrush, but a Vermont Country Store bathbrush. If you aren’t familiar, it’s basically a legendary implement because it hurts. A lot. It’s a very unforgiving wood, and it has a fairly long handle for the size of the spanking surface, which means that it gets a lot of momentum and then throws that all down over a small area. Michael warned me in advance that it’s the kind of thing that when used as hard as he was going to (gulp) would often leave a girl particularly bruised. I wasn’t worried about this. Between the amount of spanking that I get on a regular basis, my skin care regime and the foods that I make sure I include in my diet, my butt rarely ever meets it’s match anymore, and while things hurt like hell still, I never really end up looking damaged.
Michael put me over his lap and started to spank me with the brush, scolding me about my irresponsibility and attitude. The brush was tremendously painful. It was blinding, clarifying pain: the kind of thing where I simply can’t think about anything else. I just existed in that moment, with my white panties down around my knees and my bottom pushed up where it was most accessible to that horrible brush which collided with me again and again and again. I wailed and my face contorted with pain. I struggled a bit, throwing my hand back. Masterson caught it and held it firmly, and this pacified me a bit as the spanking continued. It was horribly wonderful. I felt sore and swollen and my flesh was burning hot by the time that it was finished. My throat hurt from wailing so much. It was exactly the kind of scene that I had wanted.
After I caught my breath from this last scene, I felt very pleased with myself. In a way, it had been just as severe as I had been worried it would have been, but this hadn’t been a hinderance to me. It was hardly even a challenge. It was delightful to engage in such a tough scene. I was full of endorphins and adrenaline, and felt on cloud nine. I did it! I took it and took it well. 😀
Once I had done my paperwork, Amoni got to come in and view the sets and meet everyone, which was very exciting for her, since she’s also a fan of the sites. I excitedly told her all about the spankings I had gotten and showed her my butt.
It hurt to sit in the car on the way back to our friends’ house were we were going to hang out. I squirmed in the seat a bit. Once we did get back, Amoni gave me a long lotion rub to soothe my skin and help me to calm down from my jittery excitement. She’s a very good friend.
|It’s shiny from lotion, but basically magenta colored. See? No real bruising! 😀
I’m very happy with the way that this shoot went, and I think that the videos are great. You should probably go check them out. I can’t wait until I get to go shoot for them again: I’m hoping to maybe get out in that direction again before the end of the summer. We’ll see.
So, I realize that everyone has read about a dozen accounts of the party I’m describing in this series of posts already. For the rest of the narrative I’m going to do my best to focus on the things that were of personal significance to me, not just give a running list of what exciting things happened, which is sort of my impulse in this situation. The stories to be contained are things that I would have written about if they happened in another context, and many of them took place behind closed doors so even others who attended the party will be getting the details for the first time, so I hope I don’t bore you too much!
When I left off in my last post, YS and ellee had just arrived and we were about to go pick them up from the airport.
We did just that. Lily, Robert and I got there a little bit earlier than YS and ellee did, though, so we did several “victory laps” around the airport while we waited. We had a nice time of it and just chatted about various things. We all enjoy one and others’ company, so it wasn’t that bad to wait. Finally, I saw them appear on the curb and I hardly even waited for Robert to stop the car before racing out and hugging them. They were obviously a bit tired from their trip, so I *tried* to tone down my excitement a bit, at least until we got to the hotel. Once we got to Joe and Ten’s suite, everyone wanted to see ellee (as they should, for she is brilliant, sweet, clever, a very good girl, funny, loving, adorable and a knock out to look at, and I feel lucky to have such a wonderful girl as a friend) so I tried to sort of hang back and give them a little space. YS was called up to the suite where Beth Eisley and PTL were staying in order to discuss one of Beth’s pieces of mischief (and to say hi, of course) so I kind of paired with Sophie again for a bit.
I was having a lot of feels. I’m a bit embarrassed about them, but they were there and they were relevant. I was simultaneously worked up into a sort of manic state from all the excitement, and worrying that I was being too invasive, and above all else, I was feeling insecure. Parties do that to me sometimes. I worry that people don’t like me as much as I like them, or that I’m shockingly socially awkward despite my best efforts, or I start comparing myself to my friends and peers negatively. I know that all those feelings are pretty stupid and I’ve been very well educated in how to choose to feel secure, to acknowledge the bad stuff and focus on the good and get on with enjoying my life (which I did shortly thereafter). At that moment, I was having a moment. Sophie got me back to an even keel, though. She’s a very good friend.
I felt a little bit sheepish when YS did come back into the main party room, but his response was exactly what I needed. He found me pretty directly and then told ellee: “I want to spank Alex.” I was pretty immediately pacified by this. He lead me off into one of the bedrooms. I think someone else might have been playing on the other bed, but I had mental blinders on and I was aware of no distractions. He sat on the bed and put me over his knee as my heart pounded. Then he gently rubbed my bottom for a little bit as we talked. “This feels so right,” he said, and I agreed enthusiastically. We talked about how much time had passed, and how close we’d been able to grow without actually seeing each other. Then he began to spank me.
Sometimes, when I’m emotional, a spanking has to go on for a bit before it brings me to my baseline and from there it can go upwards. Sometimes, when I’m in a really bad way, all it can do is return me to my center. This wasn’t like that. I felt immediately relieved of my anxiety, and my worries and my awkwardness and I felt my mood begin to elevate, bringing me into a notably good place.
I knew that this was right. That I belonged there. That, in that moment, in that time and place I belonged to him.
I knew that this was real.
I don’t mean that our D/s relationship hadn’t been real before he spanked me, but this additional component brought it to a place that felt significantly different (and yes, better) to me. A lot of my most significant D/s interactions with all of my Bosses Of Me have taken place in a long distance setting. Still, there was something wonderfully right about being there with him, being in position over his knee and receiving a spanking from him. I felt safe and secure. My memories of this have a sort of shiny feeling about them, as if my mind has tagged them as positive and warm.
Eventually, he moved me so that I was just lying on the bed and got up. He started to take his belt off. “This is a new belt,” he told me. “No one has ever been spanked with it before. I just took the label off upstairs.” I felt very special at this news, and I felt a lot of positive apprehension.
While I’ve previously had mixed feelings about leather implements and I’ve gone through periods of time where that was an emotional struggle for me (more on that in another post), I’ve always loved it when YS hit me with a belt. When I first met him, his Fetlife profile image was this:
|It is totally normal for me to have saved this photo to my computer. Hush.
When I first started in the scene, I used to think that belt-spanking felt a little bit abusive, and I wasn’t at a point where I could kind of delight in that darkness or “own” negative memories. This picture was the first thing that made me question that. It’s just… hot. Domly and manly and perfect. He’s just got the ideal belting energy for whatever reason. To this day, that photo makes my stomach feel a bit fluttery.
From the first time that we met at the first cabin party, I’ve wanted YS to spank me with his belt, and he’s always been happy to oblige me. This moment was no exception. I hugged a pillow and pushed my bottom up to prepare to receive it. My memory does not perceive the spanking as having been particularly hard, but more as being endorphine-y and enjoyable. At one point, he caught me rather firmly across my sit spot and I opened my mouth to whimper or protest, but the sound which came out instead was “Thank you, Sir.”
This is something that Malignus taught me to intentionally say to keep myself focused on submission instead of starting to resist. If I tell myself that I want it, it becomes much easier to take and to take well. In this case, I hadn’t even intended to do it. It just came out because it was the right thing to say.
“Spontaneous thanking. I like that,” YS said with a smile in his voice. It added to the warm and safe feeling that was dominating my brain at the moment.
I don’t remember the scene actually ending. I know that somehow I found myself being cuddled and comforted, and being very pleased with the soreness in my bottom and the fact that YS had put it there.
He told me that I was a sweet girl and stroked my hair a bit, and I responded with a much shyer “Thank you, Sir.”
When we came out, ellee was happy and excited on my behalf, bouncing around with compersion. It made me grin. I knew that the rest of the party was going to be wonderful.
I’m very behind on things again, unfortunately. Time for a little catch up.
At the end of September, I organized a cabin party in the mountains of Colorado. I’d been planning this for a long time, and it had caused me various sorts of stress. Finding the right cabin was extremely difficult: we were originally planning on having a group of twenty people, so we needed a big space, and because it was a spanking party, we needed a place that was secluded enough for us to thoroughly enjoy the great outdoors. My very dear friend, Amoni, was priceless in helping me with this, as she lives in the area. She went around and checked places out for me during the planning stages. Finally, we found one that was perfect: big enough for everyone, beautifully designed, chock full of amenities and, most importantly, in the middle of nowhere. I’d assembled an all-star group of friends to come out, including Amoni, Lily Starr and Robert Wolf, Heather Wayland, ellee and YoggSothoth, Whooperine, WearYouOut and LilLawBrat, -lostkitten and locals and newcomers to my friends group, JoeDimWit, DarkSteven and DarkStevensGirl. Obviously, there was also me and Malignus. 🙂
There were, of course, lots of other people I would have liked to have there in addition, including BradD, who was scheduled to come but suffered from medical problems and needed surgery during the party, which was incredibly disappointing for everyone, but also Ten Amorette and Drlectr and Beth Eisley, who all had other engagements that weekend. The group we did have, though, was just awesome. Everyone got along. There was no drama. The only tears were caused by spankings. People bonded and made new friends. I felt kind of like a huge winner for bringing everyone together.
The first night that we arrived was surprisingly relaxing. I gave people tours of the cabin as they got there, and we located and hid in the SECRET ROOM that had been advertised on the website and which we had all chatted about in advance quite a bit on our google group where we got to know each other. This was actually pretty easy to find, but I was still pleased with it. There was also a copious amount of hugging that first night. I was just so overjoyed to see everyone. I was constantly bouncing around. When ellee and YS arrived, we exchanged some presents that we had collected for each other, because we’re the kind of besties who get each other cute things. ellee is really good at buying presents. I was overjoyed. In the middle of mini-Christmas, though, YS came into the room with an implement and a semi-serious look on his face. Heather, ellee, YS and -lostkitten had carpooled from the airport together, and they had taken longer than I determined acceptable, so I got a little beyond my bounds and sent a text to Heather scolding YS for getting everyone lost and taking too long. This was about to catch up to me in the form of my first spanking of the party. My sense of self preservation must not have been unpacked yet, though, because when he said “You got a little mouthy there, Alex” I responded with “My mouth was not involved! I was texting!”
Surprisingly, this did not save me, and I got ten firm swats, followed by a very nice hug and more presents. Have I mentioned that YS and ellee are pretty much my favorite people ever to live? Yes. That.
We grilled a variety of burgers and hot dogs for dinner, went in the hot tub and enjoyed the pleasure of one and other’s company for the first several hours of the evening. Then, later, we moved to the downstairs and the spanking began in full. A lot of this took place with girls bending over the ping pong table (which I suppose is appropriate, because it *is* designed for use with paddles!) and a lot of the play was done fairly publicly. That first night, someone was showing off a London Tanner’s strap of some sort and Malignus decided that he wanted to try it on me, so I went over the table and experienced that rather thoroughly. I scrunch my face at leather. It is not my favorite thing. There’s something undeniably nice about getting spanked in front of a bunch of people who like you, though. There was a lot of moral support, praise for being a good girl and holding still, and general “awwwwww”ing, especially when I shed a few tears. Shortly thereafter, Robert got Lily in the same position with a number of straps and he made her more colored than I’d ever seen her before! It’s really fun to watch Robert spanking someone who isn’t me.
ellee had special markers that allowed us to color on the windows and then just wipe it off, so there was window coloring, and therefore much rejoicing. Then Malignus found this stupid plastic snake that we have in our implement bag. I bought it as a joke for a potential “Does This Hurt?” video with Heather Green a long time ago, but we promptly discovered that YES, THIS HURTS. It’s a mofo, no other word for it. Stingy and weight bearing. It leaves these little lines of agony where it lands. Malignus got most of the females in the room with it in various locations. Stupid snake.
It’s actually incredibly difficult to write a chronology of the weekend, because a lot of things happened at once, it’s been a little while, there were 15 different stories being told at once and because many things happened that were very personal for me. I’ll just be skipping around a lot.
We had a lot of great times where a bunch of girls would glomp on the girl who was getting spanked at the moment and hold her hands, stroke her hair, snuggle her, et cetera. It was a sort of house-wide version of the Moral Support Spanking from the last cabin party that I went to, where ellee snuggled me while Malignus spanked me very hard. During these moral support sessions, Amoni frequently called out “You got this!” to support the spankee. It has since become “a thing.”
Sometime on the second day YoggSothoth got me pretty thoroughly with a rawhide switch (which I hate) that WearYouOut and LilLawBrat (who I love despite this) somehow thought it was a good idea to bring with them. Afterwards, my skin was a little nicked up, as is sometimes the case with switchings, I get. Fortunately, ellee is a doctor, so after her husband finished creating my wounds, she easily tended to them and had me back in perfect playing shape (besides being super sore, of course).
|Post switching marks!
We also had lots of fun times in the hot tub at night, including exciting adventures in Alex taking her shirt off. This lead to me getting spanked in the hot tub (go figure) and one night, upon my return inside, I discovered a group of Tops sitting around talking. Apparently it had somehow become “a thing” that girls returning from the hot tub were to receive a round robin style spanking from everyone in the living room. I was all dripping wet and kind of cold, so I was a little hesitant about this idea. None the less, the circle began with the switches: LilLawBrat and Amoni double teamed me while I lay over both laps at once. Then I moved over to Malignus, who, obviously, spanked me very thoroughly (this *is* my boyfriend that we’re talking about here). Immediately after that, I was over Robert’s lap, at which point I was building up tears. The circle finished with WearYouOut, who has the hardest hand of anyone who has ever spanked me. This broke the tear barrier, which made Robert say “Mmmmmm!”
|Photo by Amoni. You can sort of see where I’m patched up in one spot. You can also see that the color goes so far down my thighs that it basically goes out of frame. 😛
The next morning, ellee, YoggSothoth, Robert, Whooperine, PTL and myself decided to go on a little nature walk. I was kind of okay with the fact that Malignus was sleeping at this time, since the last time I went on a nature walk with him at a spanking party, this happened:
|Yeah, he’s spanking me with a tree.
We stopped at a cable spool so that the ladies could take turns bending over it while YS spanked us with his belt. Here’s me:
It was a most enjoyable outdoor spanking, and I really enjoy the way that YS uses a belt. It hurt without being a “this is miserable” kind of hurting. Having amazing underpants that were a gift from ellee didn’t make things worse, either! This particular set of spankings was also noteworthy because PTL got her very first outdoor spanking! I said it was like getting an achievement on PSN. Outdoor spanking unlocked!
We traveled on and came across a series of small, young birch trees. The area that I chose to get a cabin in happened to, entirely by chance, be largely without deciduous trees, so this was a bit of a rarity. As we viewed them, the Tops pointed out that they were very supple and swishy looking and would make excellent switches.
“Oh darn!” I exclaimed. “No one has a knife with them. What a shame. I guess we can’t have any switches.”
Robert pulled a knife out of his pocket. If life was a comic book, there would have been a “SNIKT” sound effect. My face looked like this: -_-.
Shortly after a large number of switches had been cut, we climbed up to a small tree house. We got inside and ellee and I received treehouse switchings. The joy of being in a treehouse and being spanked while viewing an incredible landscape almost took away the sting. Key word: almost.
|ellee got spanked a lot at this party 😛
Once we got back up to the house with the switches, of course, Malignus got me with one, as well.
|Photo by Amoni again 😀
This post is getting very long and filled with stories and photos. I have more of them, of course, but I feel like this a good stopping point for now.