Although plenty of time passed between my return to the United States and my trip to BBW (in fact, nearly a month, I think) I’m trying to get caught up on things, so I’m going to focus on the most important parts of my adventures. The “problem” with my life is that I have had so many adventures recently that by the time I finish recounting one, I have gone off on at least another. For example, I’m currently in the middle of what is perhaps my favorite adventure I’ve ever embarked on, and I’m still a full month behind on my story telling. So, the best thing for me to do is to push forward and focus on the best parts. 🙂
In the middle of April, I left for New York to visit my surviving biological brother and shoot for Kelly Payne’s Tantrum Trainers before heading down to Atlantic City for Boardwalk Badness Weekend. I used to live in the New York area when I was a bit younger, and I grew up between Upstate New York and Southern New Jersey, so both places were a bit of a homecoming. My New York schedule was very tight packed indeed, and I didn’t really do a lot of socializing or visiting except with my brother. The most important thing that I did in New York was eat pizza. I did this literally every day that I was there. Growing up with the finest pizza on Earth really spoiled me, and going off into the world to discover that it kind of sucked everywhere else was the hugest disappointment that came with leaving home. The first time that I bit into a slice during this visit, I literally cried with happiness. I also was delighted that the weather was much nicer than it had been in Sioux Falls. I swapped snow for snocones, and was filled was joy.
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| Snocones are one of my top 25 joys in life. |
Besides eating a tremendously unbalanced diet, the other highlight of this trip was, of course, filming. Kelly Payne was truly lovely, and I really hope to work with her again soon. The film that we did was challenging, though. I did it fully voluntarily, but it was very, very long (certainly the longest thing I’ve ever filmed without breaks) and had several things outside of my usual comfort zone. Thematically, it was about me being a prisoner in a women’s prison, where I was being interrogated about who was sourcing me drugs that I was distributing. I obviously refused to give this information up, resulting in lots of wicked things needing to be done to me to get me to that point. When I eventually *did* break down and give up my source (a lovely model named Ashely Rose, who appears in the sequel) my tourment didn’t stop, as the guards (played by Kelly and Miss Daisa) went on to punish me for having been so difficult in the first place, which hit every possible “terribly unfair!” button in my mind. The scene involved traditional spanking, flogging, caning and hairbrush spanking, all of which hurt quite a bit, although the hairbrush was by far the most difficult, as it was done at the very end. You know who thinks that a hairbrush over welts doesn’t hurt? Nobody. 😛
You can view promotional stills here. Be aware that these stills were taken during blocking, so that’s why you can’t see that anything bad has happened to me yet. 😛
The film fell only partly into my new “Dark and horrible” category, as my character was a real bitch, so it didn’t feel particularly victimizing. It did hit on another point that I’ve come to enjoy: resistance. I naturally don’t resist when I’m being spanked, and if I do, it’s minor. Why would I? I love being spanked, and the majority of my harder play has been in a submission oriented environment, where resistance isn’t appropriate in the least. I’ve struggled with trying to resist less and less, with learning to be entirely passive, to try to keep myself still and relaxed thru challenging stuff. As I’ve expanded my horizons in terms of what types of scenes I enjoy, I’ve found that it’s refreshing to me to do things that are drastically different than what I usually do. Being resistant, struggling, protesting, disobeying et cetera (in a film or a play situation where this is negotiated as acceptable) is sort of relieving. I don’t have to try to be good. I can do whatever I want. I don’t have to worry that if I work myself up too much, the scene will stop. That makes me feel both a sense of security and a sense of freedom, which is a nice mix.
After spending an enjoyable few days, I got on a bus to head down to Atlantic City on Wednesday night. I lived in Atlantic City when I was a teenager, and I spent a considerable portion of time there with my brother who passed away. I hadn’t been back in many years. I had a lot of emotions when I was taking the bus down, as it was the same trip I often used to take with a sense of desperation, as I often returned to A.C. in my earlier days in order to run from something. It was invigorating that I was going there feeling safe, to see people that I deeply cared for and to have adventures.
When I arrived, I walked up the boardwalk to the hotel and got set up for the night. I was staying with Tomdiscp and _Morgan that evening, and it was already fairly late when I arrived. I was all gross from traveling, so I took a nice, long bath while I waited for room service to come and bring me dinner. I had an enjoyable meal after that, during which time I discovered that Richard Windsor was already at the party, so I figured it would be nice to get to socialize with him a bit before things took off and he got really busy. I went down to the bar to meet him, only to discover that Pandora was also already there. This was a most delightful combination of people, and lots of hugging ensued. Rich let me wear his hat, as he sometimes does, and then he did something which made me feel tremendously special: he left the bar for a minute to do something and left his hat with me. Richard is very protective of his hat, as it’s something very precious to him, and it made me feel very trusted indeed that he would leave it with me, if only for a few minutes. It was wonderful to see Pandora again, as I missed her horribly since I had left her apartment in London about a month beforehand. We engaged in some of the time honored activity of “girls kissing in a bar,” which lead to a bit of staring that didn’t bother either of us. Then the bar closed, so the three of us joined a group of people going up to Mike Stien’s room. I hadn’t met Mike Stien before, but he was lovely, and I enjoyed chatting with him as well as the others. There was a lot of couch cuddling, which made me feel safe and delighted.
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| This is kind of a silly photo, but I feel that it carries a lot of affection 🙂 |
I was a very bad influence on poor Pandora, who had wanted to go to bed early to fix her sleep cycle a bit. I kept her up until the early morning, when she finally had the good sense to stop listening to me and get some sleep. Rich and I chatted a bit more after that, and I eventually returned to the room where I was staying and snuck in to get a bit of rest, as I had several very full days ahead of me. 🙂
I’ll continue in another post very soon! In the meanwhile, I need to get back to my adventuring. ♥
The day after filming for Dreams of Spanking, Nimue, Pandora and I got up and got ready for another day of adventures in pornography: this time for Nimue’s World. In case you aren’t familiar with the site, Nimue’s World is a mixed fetish site with quite a bit of spanking content. It has other BDSM stuff, bondage, exhibitionism, girl sex and other good stuff mixed in, too. I honestly didn’t know a lot about the site before Nimue asked me to shoot for it. I just knew that Pandora had filmed for it previously. I looked at a lot of the preview materials before shooting, though, and decided that I liked the feel of it. It seems to emphasize the feeling of playtime, and it’s often very visually obvious to me that the people filming on the site like each other (sometimes, for some of the more horrible stuff, there’s a behind the scenes clip to make this more obvious) and I find that very comforting. As a model, it’s important to my content-viewing-enjoyment to feel that a site is overall positive about itself, its content and its cast, and I certainly got this vibe the first time that I viewed Nimue’s site.
Nimue and I filmed two videos and did three photosets. The first scene was one that Nimue wrote based on some of my preferences that I told her about during our pre-shooting email exchanges. Specifically, I told her that I like force, roughness and clothes ripping. I don’t think that these are things that people tend to associate with me, so I’m going to diverge for a minute here.
My primary, ideal kink scene is something that I think everyone who has read this blog for more than five minutes can probably identify: I like pretty domestic spanking scenes that mix affection, trust, vulnerability and physical intensity more than I like anything else. That’s at the very heart of my kink experience. All of the scenes that I’m interested in doing involve spanking in some way (or, for those who don’t consider it the same thing, involve beating me on the thighs. That’s nearly as important to my kink as traditional spanking is). There are a ton of other “kinds” of spanking scenes that also appeal to me, though. Role-play scenes. Ridiculous scenes. Super formal things. I like lots of variety, but for a long time, I was hesitant to explore physically rougher (in terms of handling) and emotionally darker scenes. At some point fairly recently, some switch flipped and I discovered that I found this to be delightful. I started testing the water with slightly less emotionally comfortable stuff from time to time, and it exhilarated me. This is a theme that I’ll discuss at more length later in my narrative, because there’s an episode in which it’s more relevant, but for now, I came up with the idea of having my clothes all ripped off and I was excited that Nimue included it.
I like this (in an obviously consensual environment) because it feels like it’s high on the scale of roughness, impatient, horrible, rapey. The scene that Nimue wrote was a bullying one, and I like that, too. It’s a scenario I’ve only ever explored during videos (well, on the receiving end, anyway. There are certain individuals who might claim that I am occasionally a bully to Mila). It works out pretty well for me, though. It allows me to play with my peers in a way that’s rough but which makes logical sense as to why the authority is set up. I like it because the authority is set up by force. That’s the name of the game. Nimue’s bullying scene set us at school. She was dressed in uniform, but because it was my first day, I just had on a dress and knee socks. I hadn’t received my uniform yet. Nimue told me to go get her book that she’d forgotten but needed for class, as part of the fine tradition of older, more experienced students bossing newbs around. I refused, unaware of said traditions. Nimue responded by bringing it: she pulled me to the floor by her hair, wrestled around with me, shoved me, ripped my dress off (it ripped gloriously, like it was designed to be torn off. It was kind of epic) and then started to slap me around. She spanked me, including doing it in very non-traditional positions and she rolled me over and slapped me on the breasts. This was pre-negotiated, although I’d never done it before.
Holy. Shit. That hurt.
It was a humbling experience to be hit in a way that was totally different than what I was used to and what fit into my kink picture. I often see myself as being a pretty heavy player. I’ve taken some epic beatings in my day. When I’m well, in a secure environment and playing with someone I love, I’ve never actually found an upper limit of what I can tolerate in terms of spanking. This reminded me that I’m not actually all that physically tough: I’m just good at taking spankings. As odd as it may sound, it felt really nice and refreshing to be reminded of that. It made me tremendously vulnerable, but I felt safe and trusting towards everyone who was around me. But every slap, even though entirely not hard compared to what I was used to, took my breath away. I was shocked by how much it hurt. That section was mercifully short, though, and we returned to things I could take properly. The whole scene ended up being really hot, and chock full of the kind of awful that I’ve come to adore.
The second thing we shot was a bondage photoset. Nimue did a wonderful job tying me, and I like the way the photos came out. It was Nim’s idea that I wear my glasses for it and I liked the look: super dorky naked girl all tied up. What’s not to love? Pandora did the photography, and I think she did a lovely job as well.
Following this, we moved into the bedroom to do a wonderfully sexy film entitled “Best Girlfriend Ever.” This film has me and Pandora together, with her as my Domly girlfriend. I’ve decided to experiment with self-bondage and have gotten myself trapped in a very vulnerable position– with my feet up, basically in a diaper position.
Pandora comes in and catches me and chastises me for not being safe, as well as for keeping my desires to experiment with bondage to myself instead of asking her to tie me up. I try to explain that I was doing it to surprise her. She responds by spanking me with her hand and then a leather paddle, and also gives me a number of slaps on my breasts while they’re bound in a rope harness. In my opinion, Pandora made this scene crazily hot. There’s a lot of sexual energy between us in the film (and it’s genuine, she and I are involved off camera) and it’s really wonderful. I’m going to eventually write about the way that my relationship between kink and sexuality has evolved (and the ways in which it hasn’t changed at all) since I haven’t really addressed that recently, but let’s just say I enjoyed doing this. 🙂
Our next project was a photo set in which I got to wear my fabulous bunny romper (a gift from my scene sister Betty Crocker) again. In this scene, Nimue brushed and braided my hair while I threw a tantrum about it, resulting in me experiencing the far less pleasant side of the hairbrush. I’m not going to lie: throwing a tantrum while someone is playing with my hair is counter intuitive. I love having my hair touched in just about any way: tender playing, brushing, rough horribleness, it all works for me. I had to think of all sorts of horribly unfair things in order to inspire my tantrumy faces.
I think that these pictures are incredibly sweet and adorable. How can you not say “Awww?”
The final thing we did was a stripping photoset, which Nimue suggested that we do outside. I agreed to this, although I made her shoot it pretty quickly because fuck being cold. I do like being naked in the outdoors, although I didn’t enjoy it as much as I would have it the weather had been warm. Nimue was pretty effective with it, and I tried my best to do minimal whining. 😛
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That was the end of the day’s work. All of the sets have been put up on Nimue’s World, so I recommend checking them out. I’ve watched them all at least a couple of times, as well as having perved on a bunch of the other content on her site, especially her spanking content. It’s good stuff. I like Nimue a lot, and I hope to film with her again in the future. ♥
After the adventures involved in my last post, Pandora Blake, Thomas Cameron, Nimue Allen and I prepared for a day of shooting for Dreams of Spanking. Dreams of Spanking is one of my favorite spanking sites. This was my second shoot for it, and my first “full” one. We’d only done a couple of scenes in the past, during the Texas All State Spanking Party last year. I was excited to get to do some more involved scenes, including some with interesting costumes and sets. Nimue wasn’t in any of the scenes: she was doing the camera work and other production elements, and we were filming for her site, Nimue’s World, the next day.
The first film that we shot was loosely based on our real life behavior the first night I arrived at Pandora’s house: we were meant to go to sleep, but instead we kept staying up and talking and giggling loudly. This scene also prominently featured our stuffed animals, who were the ones keeping us up and making all the noise in the first place (or so we insisted). Tom played a kind enough but stern guardian figure who was pretty annoyed by our insistance on being noisy, and spanked and strapped both of us in the morning. We tried to get our punishment lessened by wearing adorable, matching cat underwear, but as is usually the case with these things, this was entirely unsuccessful. I really like the stills I’ve seen from this set (all previews, since it is as of yet not released) because of how aesthetically pleasing I find Pandora and I when we’re naked together. We have very similar shapes, and I think that looks great.
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| There’s a lot of matching in this photo |
The second film that we did was interesting because it used creative camera work and had a unique point of concept. This video is currently available on Dreams, and’s called “Alex’s POV.” It features a lot of shots which show what I can see during the spanking: shots taken as I turn over my shoulder and my own view of my bottom in a mirror propped up near us. This scene was great to film, because our characters were very nearly ourselves, and that’s always a relaxed environment for me. I also like it because it’s fairly physically intense while still being entirely done with Tom’s hand: hard hand spanking is always a winning combination in my book. Furthermore, there was something sweet about the scenario: in some ways, it was similar to the spanking that Pandora had given me in my real life the night before: in the film, Tom suggests that a spanking would make me feel better about my less than ideal behavior while I was overseas. He’s not meant to be my Dominant, just an affectionate friend who is stepping up and filling that role while no one else was around to. It was lovely to be able to watch the spanking in the mirror: that made it much more intense for me. You can read Pandora’s writing about this film here.
Watching this movie after the fact, I was pretty pleased with the way that this captured the actual experience of the spanking. It was the video that I’ve watched myself in which was closest to my actual memory of the event. It also had a very intimate feeling surrounding it.
The next thing that we shot was a photoset to celebrate the Pagan holiday Beltane, or the rites of spring. This involved Pandora dressing me in a beautiful period costume and the use of lots of props, including real mead in the horn. I got to wear flowers in my hair and I loved my outfit, so it very much appealed to the “dressing up to make a fantasy real” side of things. The unfortunate part of this, though, was that it was March in England, which isn’t a time when the weather is nice. It was grey and rainy out, and being outdoors with my shoes off and my skirt lifted wasn’t exactly warm. In case I haven’t complained about this enough on my blog, I don’t enjoy being cold, or undressed in the cold, or getting hit with things in the cold. Still, I liked the idea enough that I soldiered on with it (no one forced me to go out and do it: I just got thru it by complaining a lot because I did actually want to). These pictures came out beautifully, and I love looking at them. These are my two favorites.
I think that whole set is just beautiful, and I was excited to do my first historical shoot.
I then had to get warm, because I was quite chilled, so we came inside and I put a bunch of fluffy things on above my costume:
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| Oh hey, I’m never ridiculous! Ha. |
The next set that we filmed is, as of yet, unreleased, but it was really hot. I mentioned to Pandora during the creative process that I was getting really into doing dark, awful and non-consensual scenes. This is something I’ll talk about more later, as it’s been part of the shift that’s happened in terms of me accepting what a huge variety of things I like in the scene. Pandora and I then started scheming up a darker scene, and the one we came up with involved me as a journalist about to blow the whistle on some unethical behavior being tormented by two quite villainous corporate figures: Tom and Pandora. I liked the awfulness of the film. It was just hot. I got to genuinely crying pretty quickly, especially when they co-topped me.
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| Poor me! |
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| Here’s a photo of me having been spanked, in heels, stockings and a “suspender belt”. You’re welcome. |
The next scene was one of the most hilarious ones to film in my personal history as a spanking model. The plot was simple and based on Pandora’s real life: I played a character based on Pandora who is keeping a cat in her apartment against the terms of her lease. The landlady comes by to check up, and I hurriedly rush the cat into the bathroom and shut the door. Unfortunately, I leave a toy mouse under the pillow (and Fatface has shed everywhere) and the clever landlady (played by Pandora) figures out my scheme and responds with a spanking. This ended up being so funny because I actually had to cart Pandora’s cat (aka the love of my life) around for the video. I have trouble sometimes because many of the photographers that I’ve worked with in the past have directed me to look directly into the camera instead of looking past it, or making eye-contact with someone else in the frame, et cetera. Most spanking producers don’t want this: they want things to look more natural. I’ve tried to train myself to look in the places that look the best on film, but I often still forget. “Don’t look into the camera, Alex!” Pandora reminded me as we were shooting the stills for this set.
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| Fatface gives 0 fucks about your directions. |
I laughed so goddamn hard at the way that cat stared down the camera. I still LOL when I see this picture months later. It’s just way too funny. The first time we saw this, Pandora, Nimue and I laughed until tears were literally rolling down our faces. Here’s another angle:
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| Fuck you, guys. |
The actual spanking was a bit neat, since we used one of my personal implements. This was the first time I’ve ever done this on film, and in this case, it was the wooden spoon called “Warren” which is part of the “Trinity of Terror” (or, the three worst things I get hit with on a regular basis). There was something personal and kind of exciting about this.
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| Pandora is so freaking hot. |
We wrapped up the day’s filming with another one of the best things I’ve ever been involved in, in and out of a spanking video: #sofafort. We built the best softafort ever made in Pandora’s living room. The shape of her couch made it much easier than it could have been, since it’s a sectional. We covered it with blankets and propped the middle up with a broom. It looked incredibly fucking awesome.
We then filmed an adorable ageplay video inside and around it, where Pandora and I are dressed in cute pajamas (I’m in my bunny romper and she’s in my bunny pajamas, because we needed a lot of pink bunny stuff and therefore looked to my wardrobe :D). We actually filmed INSIDE the sofa fort, including Pandora spanking me as sort of play acting, and then Tom coming in and finding that we’ve built a fort instead of tidying up for company and discipling us while bent over the fort with a pair of pretty hard hairbrush spankings. It stung like a son of a bitch, and I kicked and wailed in a pretty pathetic manner. We were then told that we had to dismantle the fort and get ready for company. Sad. Day.
After we finished filming Tom had to go, but Nimue was spending the night so we left the fort up for a while and hung out inside, talking and snacking on chips and hummus. Then we had some cider and filmed our video blog. It was an awesome day. 😀
It’s time to continue with the narrative of my life, even though I’m still writing about stuff which happened in March and it’s May now. I’m not going to lie: for various reasons, April was a kind of intense month for me and I didn’t dedicate the amount of time and energy to the blog that I like to (and is expected of me!) so I am really going to make an effort to get caught up on things. Some of these posts won’t be as detailed as they could have been if I’d been able to write about them right away, but I don’t at all regret the way I’ve chosen to spend my time. I hope the stories are still enjoyable to you guys, despite the time-lag.
I wrote in an earlier post about how the start of my trip to England was very stressful. One of the things which had caused me a lot of concern was the fact that since due to horrible personal circumstances, I wasn’t able to spend any of my time with Serious_Face, which had originally been a large part of my plan. Because of this, I ended up leaving my shoot in Derbyshire to go back to Paul Kennedy’s house for a couple of days before I went to visit my very dear friend, Pandora Blake.
The time that I spent at Paul’s house was really lovely. It was the first time I was in someone’s home since I’d left Rafa’s apartment in LA several weeks ago, and that was refreshing, and our time was unscheduled and very relaxed. More importantly, during the previous two days, I had discovered that I liked Paul an awful lot, and that we were very much on the same page about a lot of things. The more we discussed what aspects of this-thing-we-do were appealing and important to us, the more I noted that these things were very much in line. We spent quite a bit of time snuggling, we enjoyed a lot of sweet, rather affectionate play together and he generally looked after me. I’m often very resistant to being looked after: I firmly believe that I’m an adult and that I can and should look after myself. Letting someone else, especially someone who I had only recently gotten to know, care for me felt very vulnerable in a way that was very gratifying and, somewhat surprisingly to me, very submissive feeling. I still felt fairly shy and reserved, but the time we spent was filled with positive feelings. Safety and warmth and happiness.
At one point, we went to a cafe where we had to wait a very long time to get brunch because they accidentally gave our food to someone else(I didn’t care in the slightest. I just liked sitting there and talking to him). You know how when you go out to eat sometimes they give you a number for your table, so that the person who brings your food out knows where to put it? This cafe did that in a way that made me giggle rather considerably:
Things like that, in a public setting, are enjoyably uncomfortable to me. I could hardly look at it straight on, yet I was infinitely pleased by it.
After that meal, there was cake. I know that you don’t come to my blog to hear about delicious things that I ate, but screw you guys, this cake is worth talking about (Cakeboy will probably not judge me for this section, right?) . It was a glorious cake, full of cream and strawberries. I’m salivating just thinking about how damn good that cake was. Actually, I’m kind of making myself mad, because now I want to eat it again and I can’t. 🙁 It was one of the best things I’ve ever eaten. I’m not making that up. I like that cake.
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| I want this cake to be on a rainbow and in my mouth. |
After those very pleasant and reenergizing couple of days, Paul took me up to London to stay at Pandora’s. There was much rejoicing when we saw each other. It had been almost a year since we first met, and that was the only time we’d ever been together face-to-face. Pandora is someone that I got very close to over the internet. Besides the fact that we have a ton of fun being ridiculous together (as the stories that follow will show), I really enjoy being with her because we’re able to have a certain kind of academic discourse without me feeling like I’m being a pretentious bastard. Upon me entering her home, however, we did not engage in discourse. Instead, we jumped up and down a lot and hugged vigorously. It was during this that I discovered that Pandora has a cat named Fatface. “I forgot to mention the cat,” Pandora said, “but based on what I know of you, you aren’t going to mind, right?”
Remember a minute ago when I was obsessed with that cake? That cake means nothing to me next to my feelings towards Fatface. Love at first site. Fatface is a big, beautiful cat. She’s fluffy and mostly white, and most of the time, she gives zero fucks about what those weird humans are doing around her. The characteristics that make me like her more than the average cat (which I already like a lot) are as follows:
1) Fluffiness.
2) Passivity.
3) Facial expressions suggesting dissatisfaction with human company.
4) Adorable cat food (or “biscuits” as they are referred to in England) seeking behavior.
5) Fat.
6) Everything.
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| WTF, Alex. I came here to hear about spanking and all you want to talk about are cats and cake. |
Eventually, Paul had to leave to go home, which made me a bit sad and would have made me a lot sadder if I wasn’t so excited to be seeing Pandora, and if I wasn’t going to see him again later in the month. I was going to come back down to his place for further shooting in the second half of my visit.
Pandora and I spent a lot of time catching up, and then we went to the grocery store to get food supplies for my visit. She recently started doing free-running (a fact which I find kind of really sexy) and had hurt her ankle doing it just before I arrived, so she was kind of hobbling around and we decided that walking a long distance wasn’t wise and took the bus. At the store, I was introduced to a lot of foods that I wasn’t familiar with, including cider in flavors like strawberry lime (which is pink!) and chocolate oranges. Pandora and I also discovered that we had very similar taste in food, which made things much easier. Being adventurous, we decided to get a dragon fruit, which I’d never had before, and some strange squash or gourd type vegetable that was advertised as being good for curry and sort of looked like a cross between a cucumber and an alligator. We had high hopes for these foods. The dragon fruit turned out to be a bit different than other fruit in that it isn’t really all that juicy, nor is the flavor particularly strong, but it was very good.
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| Pandora and the dragon fruit. |
The vegetable in question, however, turned out to be some sort of horrible monster vegetable that shouldn’t be eaten under any circumstance. It was bitter and awful, and it TASTED like an alligator’s skin looks. I think we nearly cried when we ate it, and we had to pick every bit of it out of our stir fry in order to make the rest of the vegetables edible. Sad. Day.
That was an aside, because I was talking about food. After we had finished at the store, we had a few drinks and then went to bed, but we didn’t go to sleep. We stayed up for half the night talking about all sorts of things. We discovered that we had many things in common, including strange, highly personal things that we don’t often talk about. It was a great bonding experience. We also were kind of ridiculous with our combined collection of stuffed animals. This night ended up being the inspiration for one of the scenes that we filmed together later in the week.
The next day, Pandora took me to some charity shops in her area, as I was lacking some of the items that I wanted to have with me due to traveling snafus. I didn’t end up getting too many things that were practical, but I did get a blouse with cats on it, a pair of white (I mean bone) shoes and a pair of purple suede heels. Charity shops are different than thrift stores run by charities in the US, like Goodwill and Salvation Army, and poppin’ tags is a different activity in England than it is here. The stores they have are far smaller, and the selection of items is different. In America, you can find anything at the thrift store, ranging from really trashy, old crap to high class stuff with the tags still on it. In England, everything has kind of already been preselected for quality, which is slightly sad to me, since I thrive on weird, awkward, ironic or geeky things that a lot of people wouldn’t consider “quality.” I still loved the shopping experience and was pleased with my purchases. I also realized that I had an ace in my hand for hipster oneupmanship now: when someone asks me where I got these things, I can say “Oh, I got it at the thrift store… IN ENGLAND.” Ha. No copying me now, bitches!
That evening, Pandora and I somehow ended up in a competition to see who could finish posting to their blog first, which aided me quite a bit in actually getting this stuff done. Pandora, however, finished her post just slightly before I did. “I beat you to posting!” she said, “Now, I’m going to beat you in real life!”
The setting of additional rules to a competition after it’s already been completed like that is tremendously unfair. When I have a certain kind of energy with someone, though, I find unfairness delightful, sort of like the way that YS consistently lies to me about how many strokes he’s going to give me and that somehow ends up with me being happy.
Pandora offered me a warmup, which I gladly accepted, and then put me over her lap and spanked me with her hand. It had been a long time since I was spanked by Pandora, and I was glad it was happening again. I don’t feel entirely submissive towards her, so to speak, but I do feel passive towards her in play, and I enjoy her receiving her Toppiness, and I was very comfortable with her occupying Boss-space for the moment (more information on WTF “bossing” actually means to me coming in a later post). It felt sort of invigorating and exciting to be getting spanked by her. Once I was thoroughly warm, she directed me up onto her sofa for a whacking with a fairly big, leather paddle. I cuddled up to her stuffed dog, Fred, who is known as “Drop Dog” due to his ability to drop onto your head. “Comfort her well, Drop Dog!” Pandora instructed, “she’s going to need it!” (I liked that quite a bit, too). She gave me a spanking that was neither severe nor serious, but still hurt enough, and put me in a giggly, happy, nicely spanked mood. (You can read Pandora’s side of this story here.)
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| Thanks, Pandora and Drop Dog! |
It turns out that Pandora and I ended up playing together off camera quite a bit, and this pleased me a great deal. Sometimes the space was lighthearted, and once it was mildly corrective: I smacked her with The Heavy Bear (from “The Bear Incident”), after she knew quite well that I was seriously forbidden from “assaulting” my friends, even (especially?) with bears. We were already in bed, but her response was very quick. She sat up and pushed me down and started to smack my bottom fairly thoroughly while I whimpered and apologized for my bear-violence. Then she got up from the bed, and I turned out of position. “Oh no, don’t go anywhere!” she warned. “You’re not done!” She retuned with a wooden hairbrush, which she gave me twenty whacks with before forgiving me for my little outburst and snuggling down for the night.
Side note: Hitting people with that bear falls into a certain category of bad behavior, along with picking on Mila Kohl: I know it’s bad, I get corrected for it all the time, but there’s just some insatiable desire in me that prevents me from ever being able to stop doing it. Both activities are just so satisfying. Mila is probably fortunate that she has never been in the same place as me when I had that bear, or else I might have clobbered her to death with it if the power of these two tempting misbehaviors combined. 0_0
Pandora and I also shared a more serious scene later on in the week, in which I was much more vulnerable than I had previously been in any of our kink interactions. I was worrying about something, like I am known to do, and I was feeling detached from my D/s dynamics back at home. I was generally a bit moody and out of sorts because of it, and felt a little less than secure. Company was arriving soon, and I wanted to be perky and cheerful for them, but it was kind of a struggle to get myself back where I belonged. I talked to Pandora a bit, and she asked me rather straightforwardly if I needed a spanking.
Yes. Yes, I did.
There’s something particularly comforting to me about that phrasing as a way to initiate a scene, especially if I’m having some sort of emotional situation. It’s largely about semantics. “Do you need a spanking, Alex?” makes me feel instantly taken care of. I think that the question format of this is particularly pleasing to me because it requires me to openly admit to what I need and desire in that situation, and doing that often clears my head and gives me focus (as well as being a lovely way to guide me onto the path of active submission). There’s also a feeling of some level of concern for me: there has never been a situation where someone that cared about me asked that and I felt that it wouldn’t have been perfectly acceptable for me to say “no” if that wasn’t actually what I wanted (although me not wanting to be spanked when offered is usually a sign that I’m either horrendously overtired, drunk or need to be taken to the hospital). The similar question: “Do you want a spanking?” does much less for me as a positive trigger because it feels very casual (“Hey, wanna get spanked? Cool.”) and because it just seems like a very obvious question. Am I awake/sober/healthy? Then probably, yes, I do. “Need” is a word that can be a bit loaded sometimes. There’s a large part of me that doesn’t want to admit to needing anything, but if someone else brings the word up first, it feels good to me, like it’s been made acceptable for me to have needs. I understand that this is a very complex breakdown of a simple sentence, but these sorts of things are interesting to me. I’m curious if any other bottom-types have similar thoughts on these sorts of phrases, too.
I was slightly reluctant to accept, simply because I didn’t want Pandora to feel like she had to look after me, and because my emotional state involved worrying about being a burden to people, but she reassured me and then took me over her lap while she was seated on the corner of the sofa (so it was more of an “in a chair OTK” than an “on the sofa OTK” in terms of positioning and I tried to relax myself. She spanked me with an atmosphere that felt corrective but not chastising. It was quite spot on for the headspace I needed: I didn’t feel like I was being treated as though I’d done something wrong, but I did feel disciplined, as in I felt like I was existing in the comfortable space of being given the necessary structure and care. It was one of the rare moments where I felt as if I could understand the difference between “discipline” and “punishment”, even if I never grabbed onto it enough to properly articulate it here. Physically, the spanking was appropriately thorough. Pandora used her hand throughout, but still produced some squeals and gasps. I didn’t feel a need to struggle, although it was firm and did hurt. I just felt a safe calmness, and the feeling of my internal centering being restored. When she finished, we hugged and I expressed my gratitude. It had been lovely and kind of her. 🙂
That night, I got spanked one more time, although not by Pandora. She did, however, totally set it up. The company that arrived that evening consisted of Nimue Allen and Thomas Cameron, coming to spend the night so we’d be able to get up early and start shooting the next day. I had made it obvious to Pandora that I was interested in potentially playing with Tom before we shot together (I like doing that, in general, if it’s possible, and I’d seen a lot of pictures of Tom that had sort of piqued my interest). She then suggested that I might need to be spanked again later in the night when my comments got slightly inappropriate later in the evening. This was largely just used as an initiating device: the spanking that I got didn’t really feel disciplinary. It did feel quite good, though, in a painful sort of way. I went over Tom’s lap while Nimue and Pandora watched, and he spanked me quite firmly with his hand, including spanking the entirety of the backs of my thighs. He used his hand effectively, and it hurt a lot. I wasn’t sure exactly how it was going to go, but it ended up being a very fully formed scene: he kept going at increasing intensity until I broke past whimpering and into sniffling and moved into proper crying. That was a fairly rare thing: outside of a video, it’s rare for someone to make me cry the first time I play with them (legends of me crying every time I get spanked are gross overstatements). I think that it worked because there was no expectation set that this would happen. Very often, when someone sets out to make me cry, they are not successful. It jinxes it. This time, it just happened, and it felt right and good.
Afterwards, there were, of course, cuddles.
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| Dear Pandora, I stole this off your blog. Love, Alex. |
This seems like a very good place to wrap up this post, as the next day we shot, and that will be a whole other thing to talk about.
I’m going to interrupt my story-telling order a bit to present you with my first ever video blog! This slightly tipsy, very giggly recording shows Pandora Blake, Nimue Allen and myself discussing our adventures after a day of shooting while we drink pink wine, play with stuffed animals and wear cute, cuddly pajamas. It’s all very genuine and unscripted (uh, obviously?) and slightly ridiculous. It is possibly one of the best things ever.
I enjoyed video blogging on my first attempt. It’s possible I will do it again in the future. 😀
Please let me know what you think of the video blogging and if you’d like to see more of it, or if you think I should just stick to writing. ♥
The morning of my second day at TASSP, I had planned with Pandora Blake to shoot some videos for our respective sites. This was very exciting indeed– I had developed a bit of an internet crush on Pandora, and I was really looking forward to spending more time around her. We’d gotten to chat in Ten’s room the night before, during which time she assisted me in drawing a cat on the bottom of IMLX’s foot. I knew we were going to be good friends.
So, that morning, I arrived at Ten’s room rather bright and early, considering that we’d been up late partying. Amelia was there, as well, and the two of them were already quite put together and perky. Ten and drlectr had a beautiful suite, where we did all of our filming that weekend. Pandora and I filmed two scenes, which will be released later on both my site and Dreams of Spanking, during which time I’ll be making my international debut. Amelia was very helpful in creating the scenes, and I really enjoyed both girls’ abilities to think on their feet and role play. This is something I’ve been trying to get my skills up in, and I think I did a fairly good job. I’ll save the story lines of both videos for when they are released, but Pandora spanked me thoroughly in both of them, and we had a ball filming.
There was a funny moment when Pandora needed to put on a garter belt (in England, a “suspender belt,” which happens to be the word that I usually use as well, because it’s a concept that I was introduced to by SF’s wife) to go with some stockings, but she only had cute, cotton panties with aliens on them. The look was kind of epic win. It had to be documented.
After we finished filming, Malignus was waiting for me to meet up with him for something that we’d been waiting for for a while now: the Vendor Fair. I like vendor fairs in general, because I love looking at implements and kink related things, and this was my first spanking only vendor fair. It was a much bigger deal than that: we were running a booth.
For a while now, Malignus and I have been working on a business project: a modeling agency for spanking models, run by real spankos who are familiar with the business. We’d worked hard on the behind the scenes things for some time, and had agreed that we were going to unveil for the first time at TASSP. We made up flyers and business cards, and we had everything ready to go. Zoey Wicks, who we had met on the first day and who had been talking to Malignus for a while beforehand, had helped Malignus staple a bunch of packets together while I was shooting with Pandora, and she and Heather helped Malignus and I man the booth.
There will be lots of posting about the Agency later on, but for now, I’ll say this: we’re working with some great models thus far and are building awesome connections in terms of production companies. Starting something like this from the ground up has been a tremendous amount of work, and it’s part of the reason that you have seen a decreased amount of posting from me before Scotchgrove got on my case about working on posts every day. There’s literally an infinite amount of things that need to be done, but it’s rewarding work. Having our table at the vendor fair and giving out our information was very, very rewarding.
If you want more information about being represented or have questions about what we do at the Agency, shoot us an email at malexcompany@gmail.com. Please don’t email that address with questions concerning my blog or my personal modeling career– those still go to alexinspankingland@gmail.com.
Anyway, the vendor fair was a great success, even though I didn’t buy anything. I did get a few spankings from drlectr in order to draw attention over to my booth (which was right next to Ten’s). During the fair, there was a silent auction to benefit the American Cancer Society. Items had been donated and we all were able to go around and bid on them. I bid on two things: a set of implements including a vintage hairbrush (I don’t even remember what the others were because that was the one that I wanted) and a heart shaped wooden paddle. I’ve been trying to get a vintage hairbrush again ever since the one that S_F gave me ages ago was stolen out of my purse at a munch, but, probably because normal people also collect vintage toilet items, they are always expensive on eBay and they never show up at thrift stores because the idea of buying a “thrift” toilet item is gross. The heart shaped paddle was just adorable and I love cute things. I didn’t win either of my lots, but a friend bid on the heart paddle on my behalf and won it. He then gave it to me as a gift. How sweet is that ? 😀
Immediately after the vendor fair, Heather and I went to get ready to do a shoot with Paul “Tubaman” Rodgers for Spanking 101. It was a very fun shoot because Heather and I were both being spanked in it! As I’ve previously stated, I love working with Heather in videos. We give each other tips and tricks in the “backstage” and she has such a great energy on set. Besides, I’d imagine that the fact that we’re real-life best friends shows through pretty well on camera. In this video, though, we were pretending to be for-real sisters instead of just spanko-sisters, and we took turns getting pulled over Paul’s lap to be punished for staying out too late. It was a lot of excitement: first I was standing there, watching Heather get spanked and looking very worried indeed, then I was the one getting spanked! Then it was over, but only for a minute, and I had to watch Heather again and so on. I haven’t seen it yet, but I bet that video turned out really well, given everyone’s chemistry.
Paul is an awesome spanker, by the way. He spanked me on the first night because I’d lost my lanyard and name tag already and I asked him for a new one, and then sheepishly asked him to correct me for losing it (this may have been a very well played move on my part, since I avoided “actual” trouble for losing my name tag). He took me by the wrist and brought me over to the sofa, then put me over his lap and spanked me with his hand. I was really impressed with the strength of his hand spanking! Only a handful of other Tops had made that level of impression within a few swats with their hand. Anyway, I really enjoyed being spanked by him for the video, as well, and can’t wait to get a chance to work with him again.
I spent lots of time hanging out with friends, and then I had yet another shoot! I met up with Gary from Amateur Spankings earlier and asked him if I could work with him for his site and he said yes! I had already kind of assumed that I wasn’t the kind of girl that they were looking for since they state that their models “aren’t spanking models,” but he hired me for an interview and a quick spanking. I do have that “girl next door” kind of look. It was very fun getting interviewed on camera. I’ve been interviewed for blogs twice before, now, but I’d never been interviewed “live.” I told him the story of my first spanking, and about how I thought about spanking growing up, and about how I came to be part of “the scene” and do videos and have an amazing boyfriend who lovingly spanks the living daylights out of me on a regular basis.
I was finished with this shoot slightly after the start of dinner, so I snuck in to find that Malignus and company had not only saved me a spot, they had saved me my meal. It was sitting under one of those little metal domes for keeping food warm that I’d only seen in movies up until then. I ate happily as there were a series of entertainment acts performed. Sarah Gregory and Princess Kelley sang, Art Amiss did a hilarious standup comedy routine and BlackVelvet did a spanking themed parody song. It was a lot of fun, and the food was excellent.
The rest of the night was a blur of having fun with friends in various ways. I played with a lot of people, had some excellent private time with people that I love and spent lots of time chatting and making new friends.
By the time I got ready for bed, I was very happily red-bottomed and incredibly sleepy. I slept well throughout the night.
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| Well spanked in pajamas! Bedtime! |
In the current world, I am also going to bed! What a coincidence! I’ll finish the story of TASSP and move on to other tales before the end of this week. <3
Oh, Hai!
Alex
Los Angeles, California, United States
First and foremost, I’m a girl who loves being spanked. It’s at the very center of my being. I’m also a professional spanking model, which means I get to do what I love for my job. I’m twenty six years old, and currently located in Los Angeles when I’m not traveling around on my adventures. My vanilla interests include poetry, film history, academia, Pokemon, indie music, baby animals, baking and cooking, collecting vintage clothes and lots of cuddling.
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