Before I get into this post, there are a few things I need to address.
First of all, I’ve been a very bad girl when it comes to blogging the past few months. There’s nothing less attractive than a half effort. I’ve had an awful lot going on: a series of unfortunate events, some health struggles, different hours at work than I was used to, and the fact that Malignus and I have begun to launch a new business. I’ve been dedicating a lot of time to other things. That said, my blog is very important to me, and I intend to return to updating regularly.
Secondly, I know that you all want to hear about TASSP. I want to tell you about it, too! Unfortunately, I’m saving that post until I receive a few photos, and I have something else that I want to address briefly before that.
I left TASSP on Sunday. I arrived in Omaha, and then Malignus and I drove back to Sioux Falls and went to bed around 4 the next morning. That afternoon, I got up and went to the airport to fly to NYC to visit my family of origin in New Jersey and then go into the city for some shooting and visiting friends. During the time that I was in Sioux Falls, I basically dumped all my crap from Texas out and onto the floor of the spare room and then repacked it with appropriate family attire.
I don’t enjoy visiting with my family, especially after my oldest brother died last winter. That brother was the part of the family that I connected with. I value my other brother, but we don’t share the same kind of closeness. My mother herself has never been emotionally well in my lifetime, and she’s caused me a great many difficulties in my lifetime. I don’t believe that going into those details here would be appropriate, but know you this: things have been more often bad than good between us.
Yesterday, I had a rough day. Last time that I was here, my brother’s death was still a present topic. We were at his funeral. This time, it was as if he really never existed to everyone else, while I was hyper aware of all the things that reminded me of him. Despite my acceptance of his death, I caught myself longing for him; the feeling of my body cut up by want inside. My mother ragged on me for small things over and over again, she invaded my privacy, she was critical of my body (this is her favorite hobby. She was a professional dancer and I did not inherit that build, and she takes every chance she gets to remind me of this). It kinda sucked. Then, things got serious.
While I was in the bath, my mother went through my suitcase to find any laundry that might be there (so she said) and, while at it, happened upon a stray cane that had been left in the bag. It’s half length and not very noticeable. She wasn’t entirely sure what it could be for, however, so she looked up the brand, found photos of me on the brand’s site and panicked. She was in hysterics, telling me that she wanted to have me committed to a mental hospital because I’m a danger to myself.
I felt very similarly to the way I did when I first found out that my brother was near death: I’d always known on some level that this moment was going to come, but I sure as hell didn’t expect it when I woke up that morning. On many levels, I was prepared for this. I’ve always been detached and I don’t actually NEED anything from her. My familiar connection is more based on filial piety and social constructs at this point. These things didn’t stop me from calling Malignus in tears as soon as I ran out of the house.
I ended up going to New York that night, to stay with PeachyKeane and Scotchgrove. They’ve been extremely welcoming and gracious to me. I explained to the doctor that I am in sound health and that my mother is simply not accepting the choices made by an adult and that was the end of that. I posted about what happened to fetlife tonight, and I got a wonderful outpouring of kind words. That’s really the reason for this post more than anything else: I want to thank everyone who posted or messaged me with their support. It reinforced the lesson that I needed the most at this moment:
The scene is my family. When I grow, it loves me for it. When I fail at things, it pushes me back up to try again. When I’m strange, it’s stranger. When I’m afraid, it’s safe. When I need love, there’s love for me. When I need understanding, there are many who have gone through what I have.
As an entity, you’re all I could ever ask for, and I love you.
I’m also forever grateful for the people who make up my D/s list. The people I’ve grown close to are truly beautiful people. I realized when my mother was in hysterics that there is nothing in the world that matters more to me than the people I know from the scene (especially now that my brother, my closest family member is gone). I’m a very lucky girl to have such wonderful people in my life.
I’m not happy with the way things have gone with this incident (between my mom and I) and I don’t think that it’s over yet. But I’m okay despite it. When I was a girl, I was terrified that I’d be found out and put away for what I do (or, at the time, what I wanted to do). Now, those threats don’t really scare me because I’m an adult, and I know that I can and do take care of myself. If anything, this is rather freeing. I have confidence in myself and even less to fear.
And I have you guys. And that rocks.
TASSP post will happen as soon as I get some pictures from a few people! Keep your eyes open! It’ll include lots of amazing adventures including me, Malignus, Pandora Blake, Ten Amorette, Amelia Jane Rutherford, Heather Michaels, Christy Cutie, Shay Elizabeth and lots more awesome people! There’s even a puppy! Spankings and a puppy! What could be better?!
<3 <3 <3
The story of some of the ridiculous things that have happened recently and which have prevented me from attending to my blog as thoroughly as I would like to shall be appearing soon. It’s more important to me to get this post up, first, and then chatter on about myself. Not like I won’t be chattering on in this post, but, you know!
I love underpants. I love them far too much. I like plain ones and lacy ones, cute ones and crazy ones and everything in between. One thing I had never had, however, were spanking related panties. The closest thing that I had were my “GUILTY” panties from my shoot with Spanking Court, which I absolutely love.
When I was given these at Spanking Court, I asked Katerina where they came from. She directed me to her site, Paddles and Panties, where I proceeded to oogle over just about everything. The idea of selling implements and underpants in the same place is so perfect. I’m far too fond of obtaining both of those things.
Paddles and Panties is great for several reasons, besides basically being one-stop-shopping for spankos. They offer a series of underpants with cute, spanking related sayings on the butt, and I’m happy to report that they don’t discriminate. They are available for men and in female plus sizes as well as standard female sizing. The panties themselves are well made and fit comfortably, and the text is screen-printed on in a way that looks great and holds up well to washing. I can’t say anything about dryers, though, since I hang all my underwear to dry.
|“Paddled to Perfection”|
The phrases are in a variety of fonts and colors, which mixes things up quite a bit.
I’m personally very into wearing these panties to work under my regular clothes. It makes me feel the same sort of “getting away with something secret” feeling that I get when I’m hiding bruises under my skirt!
|“Seat of Education”|
These are also sure to be hits at spanking parties, and make for a fun “reveal” when you pull your pants down or raise your skirt to reveal the message!
|“100% Spankable” (I’ll replace this with a better photo once I get some help: taking photos of your own butt is hard!)|
I have had a chance to be spanked with several of the implements sold on their site, as well, and they’re quality stuff. I’m most familiar with their wooden pieces, and they really sting a lot! I also discovered that the horrible black spoon which Dana Kane spanked us Sternwood Girls with comes from them! That was an unforgettable implement. It was one of the worst spoons ever (pretty much only topped by “Ben”). You can pick that up if you really want to teach someone a lesson or eight!
They also have this fun thing called “Spanko Lotto” which is basically a scratch off lottery card for spanking! You pick a box and it tells you how many swats and with what implement you are to be spanked. It’s a fun little thing and really adorable.
I recommend that you check their site out and pick up one or two items that catch your eye. They’re run by awesome people who are offering a unique and well made product. I give them my highest “marks.” 😛
Hello, my dear, sweet internet!I’m so sorry that I’ve been neglecting you recently! Things in my vanilla life have continued to be over-the-top busy. I’ve got posts lined up for the next few days with lots of good stuff, though.
Today, I have another interview. This time it’s with spanking blogger Latte. Go ahead and check out her blog; Spanking Latte. I was lucky enough to meet her at my first spanking party. She’s extremely sweet and a great writer.
|Latte! Such a cutie!|
Spankingland: How long have you been interested in spanking?
Latte: That is a hard question to me because I’m not really sure. I think spanking has always interested me, but I really started looking into the BDSM/spanking world when I was about 18 years old.
Spankingland: I had a pretty similar experience– I kinda ran into things right when I was old enough to, because I’d been thinking about it for so long! How did you *find* the BDSM/spanking community?
Latte: It is an interesting story how I found the community. I had a psychology paper for school about childhood spanking. When I went to go research the material for the report, I found spankingtube along with various of other sites for spanking stories
Spankingland: That’s really interesting! Were you excited when you first discovered it?
Latte: I was very excited when I discovered it. I also was nervous because I didn’t know what to expect when I first started chatting with other spankos.
Spankingland: When you first became interested in spanking, did you know that you were a switch, or were you originally drawn to one of the roles and then branched out into the other as well?
Latte: Actually I started out as a bottom only. I first thought I would never like to spank. I had a close spanko friend of mine ask if I would want to try it on him and I agreed. After I spanked him, I became a switch. I fell in love with getting to spank just as receive.
Spankingland: So, at this point, do you have a preference between spanking or being spanked?
Latte: I don’t have a preference of either being spanked or spanking.I enjoy both of them 50/50.
Spankingland: Awesome. What are some of the most exciting things that you’ve gotten to do as part of the spanking community?
Latte: I haven’t been able to do a whole lot at the moment. School is currently my number one priority. I have gotten to attend some private parties here in Indiana which I have enjoyed. Also meeting my fellow kinksters I talk to is very exciting.
Spankingland: Are there things that you’d eventually like to do? Any goals, dreams or plans relating to spanking?
Latte: When life slows down I would like to go to the major spanking parties like BBW and Shadowlane. I also would like to start doing spanking shoots once my name gets out there.
Spankingland: Besides school and work, do you have anything else in your vanilla life which keeps you busy?
Latte: I do. I have partial custody of my niece and I play mom to her. She keeps me pretty busy with her extra curricular activities. I also work with 2 rescues and do various jobs for them.
Spankingland: Do you have any advice for people, especially young adults, who are just getting into the spanking scene?
Latte: Yes. I would encourage joining groups around your area so you can get to know kinksters around your specific area. I would also just be cautious. Most of the community is very nice and very welcoming, but you just want to be safe!!Hope you guys enjoyed this!