I know, I know, everyone’s done this by now. I’m very late to the party. I may have even been nominated on some other blog and not noticed due to being ignorant or something. None the less, in traditional, fashionably late Alex style, I now present to you:
1) I take a bath in the tub nearly every day. I’m a bit addicted to them, and I’m convinced that they are good for keeping the skin on my bottom soft and spankable.
2) In addition to being a spanking and, it would probably be fair to say, discipline fetishist, I also have some level of fetishistic feelings towards selecting and wearing cute or ornate panties and knee socks, wearing a large number of layers of clothing during cold weather and bandaids, especially cute bandaids and especially when they are applied to me by someone else.
3) I once hit our State Bird with my car. I was rather distressed.
4) I’m currently grounded from USING THE LIGHT OVER THE STOVE because I keep leaving it on by accident. This is probably the silliest thing one can be grounded from ever, and it’s even sillier that it really bothers me.
5) There are only five decorative things in my living room: a signed and framed photo of Morena Baccarin that was a gift from a friend, a picture of my deceased elder brother, a periodic table, a small jar filled with origami stars which Zeki made for me and Barry and Bearito, my two flocked bears that Malignus bought me during my first two trips to Bear Country, USA.
6) The other day, I passed out unconcincious in the middle of the grocery store because I hadn’t had enough water that day. It was a pretty unique experience, but I don’t recommend it to others.
7) I want a puppy, but the deal is that I can’t get a puppy until I can beat Malignus at chess. I’m not good at chess. 🙁
8) I only learned how to swim about a week ago. I wouldn’t say that I’m good at it, but at least now I can do it to some degree without looking like a total fool.
9) My favorite ice cream flavor is peach. Mmmmm.
10) I was once spanked so hard that my fake eyelashes came off. I was surprised that this was possible.
|Eh, fake eye lashes don’t make that big of a difference, anyway. This was taken earlier in the evening before they came flying off my face.|
11) The fact that there are 11 items in this list is really going to ruin S_F’s day. 😀
And now, on to the questions that were posed to me Kaelah, over at Ludwig’s Rohrstock-Palast:
1. What was one of your first kinky fantasies which you can remember?
My original spanking fantasies were very unformed and mostly just involved the actual act. Even as a child, I fantasized about adults in Domestic Discipline relationships, although I didn’t know that was the name for it. I also fantasized about being spanked by my peers, or by teachers or other authority figures. It wasn’t until grade seven when the stories I made up in my mind became complex and included reoccurring characters and complicated discipline scenarios.
2. What makes you happy about blogging?
I like to write, and I like to share that which I write. Blogging has been a great outlet for that, and it lets me ramble on to a bunch of people instead of just talking my friends’ ears off all the time. 🙂
3. Did blogging ever made you sad? If yes, why?
A couple of times I got into a slump of not posting, and this made me really disappointed in myself and therefore lead to me posting less frequently. That totally made me sad. I’ve only really been able to stick to my desired schedule now that I have YS enforcing this for me.
4. Please describe one of your happiest kinky moments.
Over the summer, I spent six consecutive weeks touring the county and shooting/filming. I didn’t get back to Sioux Falls or see Malignus until after Shadowlane. When I arrived home, he had suffered a concussion at work that evening and he called me as I was getting off the plane to let me know I was not to tackle hug him for health reasons. There was quite a bit of regular hugging, though. We were both super exhausted that night, but he still spanked me two different times before bed, effectively melting away all the stress and exhaustion that had built up over a long period of travel. I felt so safe and content over his lap, and I was as at home as a girl has ever been. It’s wonderful to have a relationship where I can go out and have those sort of adventures and come home to be right where I belong again. 😀
5. What do you like about the kinky community?
Everywhere else, my fetishism makes me weird. Period. No matter how accepting a vanilla person is, within a group, if people knew just how much of my life was dedicated to spanking and D/s related activities, people would ostracize me. Here, I’m just one of the gang. I feel safe from judgement and like I can be my real self. 🙂
6. Are there things you don’t like about the kinky community?
I don’t like Politics, and sometimes, spanko politics pop up. “You filmed with so and so and I hate them, so now we’re not friends anymore” and that sort of shallow thing. I also dislike drama, and things like back stabbing, and unfortunately, that happens from time to time, too.
7. Please describe the most memorable development that you made in your kink (for example, meeting fellow kinksters for the very first time or becoming open for a new kind of play).
Probably the most memorable development for me would be when I came to learn about and be comfortable with my submission. I previously only identified as a bottom, but I eventually discovered that submission is really gratifying and an excellent way for me to grow. I’ve been much happier since I started down that path.
8. Are there crucial elements in your kinky play?
For a scene to be gratifying to me, it either has to be spanking related or be something that another person with a strong scene presence or energy is really into, in a way that he can bring me into it as well. I did several scenes with IG that just weren’t stuff I’d normally be interested in, but which brought me into an awesomely submissive headspace because it was entirely about his enjoyment and that was something that our relationship made work. I can’t just get into something else with some random person, although truthfully, it’s rare for me to really get into a spanking with someone I don’t really know unless he is very talented at the mental side of things.
9. Do you have any pet peeves when it comes to spanking storylines or videos?
Heather W. and I have a glitter explosion. Spanking ensues.
I use formspring to answer questions that are posed by friends, readers, fans, whoever. Today, I checked my inbox and among some sexual questions that I didn’t feel like answering was the following query:
Who are you really?
At first glance, it’s the simplest question possible. I’m Alex, duh. But it came at a poignant moment for me, and it had a positive influence on my thought processes for a while. It’s one of the most important questions one can be asked or ask one’s self and it’s something that has been on my mind quite a bit recently. I’ve gone through a phase where I’ve been less than focused on being my best self. This isn’t to say that I’ve been something other than myself, or that I’ve been bad or awful or something. But when I read my older writing, there’s a difference. It isn’t that I lost something; more that I misplaced it. At worst, I’ve lost a sense of focus. I’ve been withdrawn and going through some things recently, and I’ve started to come out the other side. I know that this is vague, but I’m alright with that.
To answer this question, I could point to my fetlife profile, or post a photo, or do a bunch of other things, but I think what I’ll do is make a list of what I know to be true.
I have a couple of friends online who are anticipating receiving their first spankings. Talking to them about it reminds me of when I was at that stage in my journey as a spanko. There’s an awful lot that can be learned about spanking from the internet. Just reading fetlife, or even spanking stories, can teach you most of the basics about how things tend to go. Watching videos can sometimes give you insights into some of the mysteries of things: for example, things that make the person getting spanked yell and twist more probably hurt more. Still, there’s stuff that seems to be common knowledge among some people that, six years into my adventure, I’m just picking up on. I decided to list some tips for new spankees. Feel free to add your own in the comments section! Note: I write using male pronouns for the Top and female for the bottom. This is because of the way that my mind is wired, and it just makes things easier (kind of the way they assign a gender to the Game Master and Player in Roleplaying game rulebooks so that they don’t have to keep saying “he or she.” I’m not a geek. Really.)
1) Wait until you are 18 to start. I can’t stress this enough. When I was 17 and I first met the man who later became my first Top, the fact that he refused to spank me until I reached 18 seemed really stupid to me. It didn’t make sense to me why it was such a big deal. I saw myself as an adult and I felt that I was “ready” to participate in an adult activity. Now, I’m deeply appreciative that he waited until the next year for my first scene. In retrospect, it’s a sign of his integrity and trustworthiness, and it’s just the right thing to do, period. I sound like a Top when I say this, but laws exist for a reason. The age of majority may seem arbitrary, but it exists to protect minors and to make sure that no one is coerced into something dangerous. Respecting this law is respecting the very basis of the spanking community: that we engage in consensual adult spanking.
2) Communicate with your Top during a spanking. This is also incredibly important. Tops aren’t mind readers. Everyone reacts to a spanking differently. Some people twist and writhe around when everything is fine and dandy– just because in your mind, it seems obvious that you are in distress doesn’t mean that it seems that way. Generally, an attentive spanker will ask questions regarding the bottom’s condition during a scene until he knows her reactions well. That said, if you aren’t being asked for this information, volunteer it. Say “This is more than I’m comfortable with” or “I’m doing well” every now and then.
3) Come prepared to use safewords, even if you don’t believe you’ll need to. I have had a lot of talk about how I don’t use safewords and I prefer to communicate verbally (since I don’t participate in consensual non-consent, when I say “stop!” or “I don’t want to be getting spanked anymore!” or something, I actually mean that I want the scene to end) but I still have a system of individual safewords (it’s based on Pokemon) that I’ve used when playing with new partners in the past, and I’ve used (as in, actually called) the Universal Safeword of “Red!” once. Keep that in the back of your mind when you scene, just in case.
4) Remember that there are plenty of spankos out there! Nearly every time I hear stories about girls who stay with men who are abusive to them within the spanking scene, the girl expresses that she believed that he was “special” in the fact that he was willing to spank her, or that he told her that he was the only one who would really understand her or that he was the best in the scene or some other line that encouraged the spankee to feel dependent. Especially if you aren’t involved in the community, that can seem incredibly true. I spent my early life wondering if there was a single man in the world who would be willing to spank a girl, and if so, how I’d ever find him. The truth is, there a bunches and bunches of awesome Tops out there. You don’t have to stay with a jerkface.
5) Spankos, like all living things, grow and develop. When I first started getting spanked, I only wanted to be spanked for punitive reasons. I eventually began to enjoy a very rare fun or arbitrary spanking, but it was not until I ended my dynamic with my first Top that I realized the ways in which my desires and interests had started to change. It took me another year of playing around with different people, learning about the community and doing soul-searching before I realized that submission was something that I wanted to explore for myself. Be open to the ways that you might be changing and don’t box yourself in.
6) Talk to other people. Spankos are cool. We make great friends. Reaching out and talking to others makes for good socializing and fosters a feeling of belonging in the community. More importantly, it opens you up to new ideas and allows you to learn from people, gives you a chance to ask questions and seek guidance and can help you to accept yourself. Don’t be afraid to reach out. I personally waited far too long before I did.
Practical Tips: some of these things might seem way too obvious, but it’s stuff that either I didn’t know when I first started out and found surprising or I didn’t believe for a long time.
7) Getting hit on the thighs hurts a lot! Thigh swats may or may not lead to sudden butt death depending on who you ask, but they’re a fairly common practice in the spanking community. S_F used it as a threat for a long time: “If you don’t hold still, I’m going to spank your thighs.” I didn’t even get why that was a threat. I just thought that it meant that a greater amount of my body was going to get hit. Then one day, I didn’t hold still. And then I understood. It’s horrible! The lower you go, the worse it gets. Be warned!
8) Icing works after a spanking, but never before. I just finished learning this lesson a week or so ago. It isn’t an old wive’s tale: getting spanked when your bottom is cold or has been iced is hellish! Using ice after a spanking is soothing and wonderful, plus it prevents bruising, but for the love of all that’s sacred, don’t use it unless you are SURE that you are done getting spanked for a while. It’s at least twice as bad after icing.
9) Wet bottom spankings don’t just sound louder. That’s what I’d been told: the sound of the impact is increased on a wet bottom so it has the psychological effect of sounding louder and therefore seeming scarier. That’s true. It’s incorrect that that’s all there is to it. It hurts more. A lot.
10) Don’t let curiosity kill the cat. If someone seasoned tells you something is horrible, you should probably trust them. If you don’t know if something is going to be extreme or not, you should probably ask another bottom before you try it. One of my best friends told me that the first time that she tried capsaicin cream it was her idea because she read about it on the internet! She didn’t know how bad it was going to be (and neither did her spanker) and she ended up standing in front of a fan crying for a long time. While I’m giving advice, avoid capsaicin. You’ll end up in front of a fan crying. You don’t want that.
11) Just tell everyone you’re allergic to rubber. Trust me on that one. Neoprene? Hypoallergenic? No. You’re allergic to that, too.
It’s not a secret: I cry from spankings a lot. There are videos of me crying available from Spanking Court, Assume the Positions Studios, and Lily Starr Spanking. I talk about it here all the time, too, and I’ve posted about it on various fetlife threads from time to time. So it isn’t surprising that one of my friends sent me a message asking me for more insight into my ability to cry. This is the second time that I’ve been inspired to respond to a question in the form of a blog post, because my thoughts organized themselves so well that I figured that others might enjoy reading my insights as well.
There are several different ways in which a spanking can make me cry. I can break my crying during a spanking down into several categories:
*Crying fueled by regret for bad behavior.
This is one of the more common forms of crying from a spanking in general, and the psychology of it is very straight forward. This takes place during disciplinary spankings. In my opinion, if a spankee is in this mindset and that is not the intended atmosphere of the spanking, then something is wrong. Either the top has not communicated the intended purpose of the spanking effectively or the bottom is dwelling on previous or otherwise unaddressed bad behavior. This is the easiest way for me to cry during a spanking, although it is rarely ever particularly difficult.
The atmosphere of a disciplinary spanking keeps my mind focused on my wrong-doing and just how unenjoyable it is to be punished. This atmosphere makes me extremely vulnerable and therefore makes my experience of the spanking much more physically painful. For me, a spanking serves this purpose most effectively if it is delivered either very sternly or, in certain situations, harshly. What’s the difference? To me, a “stern” delivery is very calm and controlled, with some level of formality, but unbendingly serious. A “harsh” delivery involves some expression of annoyance (as opposed to just displeasure) and is a bit “gruffer”: there might be some raising of the voice or rougher shoving back into position. It’s the difference between “Bare your bottom and get in position” and “get your pants down and get over my lap RIGHT NOW!” The latter is generally more effective if the offense which has earned me the punishment is related to my attitude, just because it’s more jarring and it makes it much harder for me to keep feeling sorry for myself. 😛
Either way, the creation of this atmosphere makes me vulnerable and receptive, and it makes me most contrite and regretful, and therefore brings me to tears very quickly.
*Crying fueled by stress relief/emotional release.
This is the kind of crying that happens when I get that feeling that I just need a good spanking. This happens when I feel like I’ve been keeping things inside myself, or I’ve been struggling hard with something, or life has been wearing me down. These spankings have always been most effective for me i they begin with sternness until I reach the point where I’ve begun to cry and then the tone becomes more affectionate. Again, this is about being vulnerable: in this case, the spanking is effective because I allow myself not to fight against it (or, if I cannot do such a thing on my own, to break me down) and instead use it to push everything out. I originally imagined that a stress relief style spanking would be calm and soothing, but I discovered with experience that it works best for me when it’s merciless, hard and long. A good example of this sort of spanking can be found in the story told in the last couple of paragraphs of this post.
*Crying fueled by relief.
This is a different kind of relief than stress relief. It’s relief that a long anticipated spanking is finally happening. This sort of tears is generated by a spanking that is usually very connecting, reaffirmative and filled with caring. Alternatively, these tears can be part of the reason I cry during a long awaited punishment. The point is, I’m moved to tears by the feeling that I’m back where I belong and that I’ve obtained something that I’ve long desired, or that some sort of waiting period has ended. My first spanking was the ultimate example of this: I was overcome with the most extreme relief I’d ever felt, since the burden of waiting for my first spanking was finally lifted from me. These tears are very happy, and filled with satisfaction.
|Photo by Assume the Position Studios|
*Crying fueled by submission or surrender.
Some bottoms talk about subspace- going off into some floaty, magical, trance-like, trippy state from getting a very hard beating which pushes them towards submission. They sink into the bed, they stop feeling pain, they float on endorphines, they get high, they can’t talk properly…
This doesn’t happen for me (although it did once). I’m a very cerebral person, and I’m uncomfortable letting go of my awareness. Instead, when I’ve been pushed to a place where I cease my fighting, I get to a point of submissive crying. It’s a calm sort of sobbing where there’s no urgency in the sound. I’ve given myself over to the spanking that I’m receiving and I have no will regarding when it will end. It’s certainly not as exciting to talk about, or as filled with mystery and intrigue as traditionally described subspace is, but the land of my submission is just a place where I lie still and take a lot of hurt and cry about it. It probably sounds pretty pathetic to a listener, and it doesn’t feel “good” in a traditional sense, but it’s a very peaceful place where I feel incredibly safe and loved.
*Crying fueled by physical pain.
What’s that?! It’s kind of taboo in the spanking community to admit that crying happens because a spanking hurts, but for me, yeah, that happens. I know that the fact that it’s a safe environment where I’m engaging consensually in something that I love and that I’m allowing to make me vulnerable plays a part in it, but even with amazing atmosphere and the best, most loving connection between me and my Top (so, when Malignus is spanking me), I’m going to get to crying much more quickly from a hard paddling than from a hand spanking. It’s not like I cry because things hurt in my non-spanking life (except for the occasional migraine) so it’s clearly not all about the physical pain, but I won’t deny that a harder, faster paced, longer spanking (that is to say, one which hurts more) will be far, far more likely to bring me to tears.
I don’t know if you guys have noticed this or not, but I get spanked a lot. I almost always get a spanking at bedtime, and more often than not, I find myself getting some sort of impromptu spanking in addition to that.
The other day, one of my friends asked me how I manage to keep my butt from falling off when I get spanked so damn much (and often, so damn hard). It’s a challenge, I will tell you! When I first moved in with Malignus and I was adapting to getting spanked so often, plus my skin was outraged at the change in climate and this “winter” thing that was happening, I had some problems with weird, hard, dried out skin on my bottom and thighs. Over the past couple of months, though, I’ve perfected my butt-skincare regime, which I will now share with all of you! I’ve written this in the form of instructions, but I certainly don’t think that I’m the shining beacon of right in the black night of wrongness. I’m very open to suggestion, or to being ignored entirely. 😛
Lotion is a spanko bottom’s BFF. There are a lot of kinds of lotion available– there are special aftercare lotions offered by some places that sell implements and there are billions of types of lotion offered in stores. What should a spanko look for in a lotion? You probably want an unscented and uncolored lotion. Pretty, sparkly, nice smelling stuff tends to have things in it that cause irritation, and that’s contrary to the cause of making the skin on your butt nice. If you’re getting spanked, you already have enough butt irritation in your life. There are a couple of ingredients that are particularly good for the skin- Collagen Elastin is one and Vitamin E is another.
Personally, I use this: St. Ives Skin Renewing Lotion.
I do want to point out that products containing Collagen Elastin are generally very not vegan. I use this, because I am not a vegan and if my skin can be made better by slatering on stuff that came from some other skin, then I’m okay with that. 😀
I’ve also had great success with Vitamin E Body Butter from The Body Shop. This is actually vegan, for all you vegan spankos.
Now that you’ve selected an excellent lotion, you need to use it. I suggest using it every morning and night, after every time that you shower, take a bath or otherwise emerse yourself in water and every time you get a spanking. I try to keep up with doing it that often and it works out well for me. The point of lotion is to keep your skin healthy and moisturized, and to keep it both strong and soft. It makes your skin less likely to break during a spanking, because most people don’t want a bloody butt, and it also keeps the texture from feeling dry and gross.
I take warm baths in order to relax. I also find it to be very good for my skin: it makes all the dead skin soften up and makes exfoliation (coming up!) easier, and if your skin has become hard from a spanking, it helps it to soften in the deeper layers. I also use Colloidal Oatmeal in my baths. Pretty much everyone I’ve offered this to says that it’s lame, but it’s incredibly soothing. It makes your skin feel wonderfully soft, too. Most importantly, you know how if you eat a really spicy dish and your mouth hurts, drinking water will actually make it worse? You’re supposed to eat bread? My friend, Peachy, just told me that if you make a paste of Colloidal Oatmeal and rub it on your butt, it can help to neutralize the effects of capsaicin in the same way (if you are sad and unfortunate enough to have it put there by a sadist). I haven’t actually tested this myself, but the theory behind it is sound. The most common brand of Colloidal Oatmeal is Aveeno. That is what I use.
IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT OATMEAL BATHS: be sure to clean out your tub after you drain all the water out, or else the residue from the oatmeal ends up looking like you got drunk and puked in your tub. You might want to keep this in mind if you ever want to do a prank that involves making it look like someone got drunk and puked in the tub, though. (I know how you brats are, with your pranking!)
Depending on how much of a callous you get on your butt, you might need to exfoliate a little or a lot. A little bit of exfoliation would be kind of scrubbing with a washcloth or a sponge in the shower. A medium amount involves actually using the brush side of a bath brush (WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?!) or a loofa (also in the shower.) Personally, because I fear getting a calloused butt and I get spanked ALL THE TIME, I’ve taken to using the gentler side of a foot-file while I’m in the bath. If it hurts, you’re being too rough (so, the opposite of the way things usually are). After you exfoliate, use moar lotion.
THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: DO NOT exfoliate just after a hard scene. DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT. Even a little. Don’t even rub a washcloth on your butt. You know what will happen? Your skin will all come off. That is what will happen. I may or may not have discovered that the hard way.
Afterthought: Arnica and bruise reduction
Most spankos seem to swear by arnica for healing bruises. Healing bruises is not part of skin care, but I am going to talk about it right now anyway, because it *is* part of butt care. Personally, there is only one time when I care about healing up my bruises, and that’s when I’m modeling. In my day to day life, I like to have a bruised bottom. It makes me happy. That said: the times that I’ve used arnica in its various forms, I have seen no measurable improvement in the healing time on my bruising. What DOES seem to work well is using ice immediately after a spanking (but not if you’re getting spanked more that night, ugh!) and massaging my butt a lot. Hand spankings count as a massage.
That’s all I’ve got. How do you do your butt-care? Do you have any tips or tricks that I left off? Let me know in the comments!
I love getting comments on stuff. Comments on my writing, comments on my photos, comments on my blog (wink wink!): all of it makes me happy. There are certain kinds of comments, however, that never fail to produce this face: >_< . It’s my guess that others feel the same way. Being the careful researcher that I am, I’ve complied this list of “Comments Most People Don’t Enjoy.”This isn’t to say that these sorts of comments are NEVER acceptable, and are sometimes quite funny when used jokingly between friends. Please feel free to add to the list, or to protest my judgement. I want to add that I’ve never gotten a comment on my blog that was annoying or inappropriate in anyway. It is not my intention to make anyone feel uncomfortable or judged. Thanks.
Type 1: “I want to have sex with you” comments.
This kind of comment gets deleted immediately. I haven’t had any on my writing ever, which is kind of disappointing. If someone wanted to throw me on a bed and fuck me based on the quality of my prose, well, maybe I’d smile at that. I get a lot of comments from strangers on my public fetlife photos stating what things they want to do to me, and they never fail to make me displeased. “I’d love to spank you” is always ok with me. “I’d love to put my tongue in you for hours” makes me block you. The more words you use, the worse it gets.
Type 2: “I could do better” comments.
These comments appear on photos of a freshly spanked bottom and say things like “If I had spanked you, you’d be purple!” or “Where are the bruises?!” or “That was a nice warm-up.” Hot damn, people! Not every spanking has to be a murdering! Besides, some gals just don’t mark anymore! I personally get these kinds of comments rarely, because I don’t post a photo unless I think it’s worth showing off. Once in a while, though, my bruised and reddened bottom isn’t enough for the peanut gallery. I got a comment on the below that said something along the lines of “If I’d have spanked you, you’d be purple down to your knees.” I don’t have the exact wording anymore, because I deleted it out of frustration. I’m glad to say that the poster never spanked me 😀
|By my definition, I was purple enough, thanks.|
Type 3: “Your [body part] is [size]!” comments.
Sure, sometimes, when I look at photos on fetlife, I think to myself “Damn, she’s got a tiny butt!” or “Holy cow! I bet that having breasts like that is uncomfortable!” but I never, ever post these things as comments. Why? Because commenting on someone’s body is just rude, even if it seems like a positive to you. I get body part comments ALL THE TIME. “You have a huge ass! So spankable!” is not a compliment to me. Nor is “Pretty ass but it’s so tiny!” (I got both those comments on the same photo):
|Tiny or huge? The jury is still out on that one!|
I’ve been told that I had way too much “boob mass” to be pretty, that I should get implants, that I should be ashamed of my stomach and that have a perfect, Rubenesque figure. At the end of the day, it only matters if one person likes my body, and that’s me. I know my figure isn’t perfect, but people only have the right to offer their opinion on that if I ask them for it, otherwise, they’re being rude.
Type 4: “What did you do?!?!?!” comments.
It never fails. I post a photo of my butt after a spanking, and someone asks me what I did to deserve that.
Yes, I get disciplinary spankings. They’re hard. They hurt. I cry a lot and feel sad. Even if I photograph the results of such a session, I don’t want to announce that it was such, because I find discipline to be a very private thing, and I don’t want to get positive attention for my bad behavior. Yes, I tell my sisters and best friends when I’ve gotten myself into trouble, and I could see myself potentially blogging about it if the situation had some underlying lesson about DD in general or something, but I don’t want to publicize it to the world every time I’ve been a disappointment.
Secondly, I don’t just get disciplinary spankings. I’m from the “spankings are for everything” camp. I’d say that only 1 in 10 spankings I receive is for corrective purposes. It’s silly to assume that I did something bad because I got spanked. I’d say a quarter of the time, the reason that I got spanked is because I asked for it really nicely. My dynamic is far more complicated than “discipline only” and I play with a bunch of other people, too. And geeze, don’t I act good on the internet? Next time someone says “What did you do?” I’m going to respond with “I got spanked. Duh!”
Type 5: Comments that assume annoying things about me.
I’m cute. I get that. People want to hug me and stuff, because I’m cute. I went out on Halloween looking like this:
I’m not “a little.” I’m not into ageplay. I get comments assuming that I am all the time. I get “Your daddy is a lucky man” pretty often. Yeah, no. Are you talking about my father? Because he’s in prison. Not so lucky.
Then there are the posters who say “Just a spanking? I’d give you a good long single tail whipping!” No, thank you. I’ll also decline having my feet beaten, being blindfolded, having my tits “destroyed”, having my temperature taken rectally and a dozen other things that I’ve had offered on my photos. Your kink is totally cool with me, but mine is spanking, and that’s pretty much it.
Type 6: “I like it better this way!” comments
The number one reason I get this type of comments is about my pubic hair: I alternate between having it and not having it, usually depending on how I’m feeling or particular work I’m doing as a model. I literally do not care what you think of my pubic area. At all. When I have it, I get tons of comments about how strange men on the internet don’t want to eat me out. I’m okay with that. When I don’t, I get comments saying that it makes me look like a child and they wish I would grow my hair back. I don’t know ANYONE who would change their bodily presentation because of the preferences of a stranger on the internet. I also get comments about how people like to see marks on my butt: “I’d prefer a little less bruising next time” and “It’s hotter if it goes all the way down to your knees” have both been left on my photos. Right. I’m going to tell my tops to make sure to satisfy strangers online when we’re having a scene. No. Not happening.
Type 7: “OMG SUDDEN BUTT DEATH!” comments
We’ve all seen it happen: someone posts a photo of their butt after a spanking and someone else comes along and says that it’s dangerous. Mind you, there *are* situations where something is dangerous: if someone doesn’t know where kidneys live and is belting a girl in a way that’s probably going to make her pee blood, that had ought to be pointed out. If someone is missing all their skin from the waist down, they are probably going to require serious medical attention. There are areas that some people don’t agree on: some spankos are opposed to the hitting of thighs, some are into it. Some spankos think that wrap is evil, others are okay with a little. Friendly comments about that stuff is pretty normal and actually nice. Because I operate on Risk Aware Consensual Kink practices, I appreciate any additional risks being pointed out to me. What I hate are people who freak out for no reason.
“HE SPANKED YOU WAAAAAAY TOO HARD! THAT IS NOT EVEN SAFE! YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!”
Apparently if you get spanked too hard you can get a blood clot which will then go (somewhere generally unspecified in the comments) and make you dead. This condition is known as Sudden Butt Death, and as the name suggests, it’s extremely fatal. I know that this is true because someone that’s a Nurse’s Aid said so on the internet.
It’s okay not to like hard play. It’s okay to be grossed out by photos of multicolor bruises and blood and plasma leaking all over the place. But seriously. I don’t think anyone has ever died from a spanking.
A couple weeks ago, I was introduced to Shit Girls Say and it was full of win. It’s funny because it’s so true (which is a phrase I’m pretty sure is on the list) and I catch myself saying those things all the time, even though I don’t see myself as a typical girl. Being an incorrigible spanko, I’ve been compiling a similar list of things that spanko bottom girls say. The majority of this is based on stuff that HeatherFeather, Ami and I say to each other and to our respective tops.
I present to you, the first installment of “Shit (Spanko) Girls Say.”
“That really hurt!””Why are you so mean?!””He totally murdered me!””I can’t believe I bought this!””Will you take a picture of my butt?””No! Not that!””Hey, let’s go look at hairbrushes.””I can’t believe you would do that!””You tricked me!””That looks mean.””You could spank someone with that!””Do we have any lotion?””I’m still shaking!””I need a hug.””Woah, this is really heavy.””You said we were done!””Are you spanking me again tonight?””If we do that, then we’re gonna get caught!” “Not there!””That’s the inside of my thigh!””Way to throw me under the bus.””I’m in so much trouble, so I wanted to talk to you before I get killed.””What is that even MADE OF?””Unacceptable!””Do I have to?””I need new panties.””She looked awkward. I wonder if she’s a spanko, too.””This is really flexible.””He looked at me funny. I’m pretty sure he knows.””Can you still see marks on me?””Do we have an ice pack?””It was totally not my fault.””That’s where the tip of it hit me.””I can’t sleep. I need a spanking.””Look at all my tears!””I WISH that would break!””Do you think you could spank someone with a bird perch?””Are you still sore, too?””When you were a kid, did you look it up in the dictionary?” “OMG, I felt that way, too!””Do we have time to go to the kitchen section?””Do you really want to buy that?””I’m using arnica, do you want some?””Then he told me to… actually, I can’t repeat that. Ugh.””It was too horrible for words!””It’s bulletproof. It can’t break. I’m stuck with it.””He wouldn’t do that… would he?!””It was seriously like I was on fire.””Quit exaggerating! It was only like, 20 strokes!””Awww, you poor thing!””Ugh, I hate saying that word.””Does my butt look good at this angle?””Someone’s here. Talk vanilla!””I wish I marked more!””I wish I didn’t mark so much!””He’s so horrible! I love him!””What are we going to tell them it’s for if they ask?””I cried SO HARD.””I like your butt better than mine.””I want that, but I’m scared.””He uses that on you?!””I didn’t even get a warm up!””Wait! What are you doing?!””I’m not ready yet!””I can hardly sit.””I kept waking up because I rolled over.””It’s been so long since I got spanked! I’m dying!””Wanna see my welts?””Grab something else, I don’t want to just buy this.””Let’s go to the bathroom so I can show you what happened.””Then he was like ‘Go get the hairbrush’ and I died.” “Bye! Been nice knowin’ ya!””Then his voice got all low and serious…””If you’re a wuss then I don’t know what I am.””We have different definitions of ‘bad.'””It was not as bad as I expected.””It was way worse than I thought it would be.””But what if he does?!””Sorry I’m being like this. I haven’t been spanked in weeks!””Sorry, I was in the corner.””Ugh, she cries fake.””I wish she would close her legs while getting spanked.””Did you see that one guy’s hands?””We have time to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond still.””I can’t decide if I’m excited or terrified.””He wanted to have sex with me. Ew.””My panties came all the way off and now I can’t find them.””I’m sick. You can’t spank me.””What was that for?!””I thought it was never going to be over!””One sec, I have to make a sandwich.””I don’t want to ask for it though.””I hope no one could hear me.””That’s a regular thing to say, right? Not a spanking thing?””He’s into sensation play, though.””I could just really use a good spanking right now.””Have you ever seen a bruise look like this before?””I’m hiding this.””Can you take paddles through Airport Security?””I’m really sore.””I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want him to spank me with it.””Want to hear something horrible that happened?””Okay, we have an hour. We can get it done before he gets home.””I like getting spanked with you!””He has a good rhythm.””He’d make a good top.””I have no sense of self preservation.””That’s not even safe!””I’m getting a doctor’s note about that.””It just wasn’t a good scene.””He’s just not mean enough.””That was WAY TOO MEAN.””I think I have a blister.””You’re never doing that again, right?””Are these panties too slutty for spanking?””Yeah, but she’s into like, bondage and wax play and stuff.””I can’t believe you said that to him!””This scene could use a spanking.””You know whose butt her butt looks like?””Sometimes I just want to be around spankos, you know?””Hit HER with it now!””I can hardly fit my butt in my jeans, it’s so swollen.” “That’s not aftercare, that’s torture!””I’m not done crying yet.””I wish I was snarky like you.””I’m just way too good.””Awww, he did that because he loves you!””I don’t want to pick.””Okay! I’m doing it! You don’t need to get the cane!””He was being really mean about it. It was so cute.””You’re not spanking me again, are you?””Seeing that hurt ME!””You’re so red! I’m jealous!””I changed my mind! I don’t want another!””Do you have time to spank me before work?””Am I walking funny?””Not the thighs!””Wait, you’re not really going to do that, are you?””That really, really hurt!”
This is the entire collection for tonight. Feel free to add to the list in the comments section, giving it your particular brand of spanko flare 😀
I only recently moved beyond pervertables in my exploration of spanking implements. There are so many pervertables to choose from and it makes the entire world feel like a treasure hunt! Still, there’s something to be said for having dedicated implements, and I’ve gotten just as much enjoyment from tracking those down. So far, these are the only toy producers that I’ve played with items from. I’d love further recommendations.
Cane-iac: Cane-iac is the site from which I’ve acquired the most implements. I have two different rattan canes, an 18″ delrin cane, a lexan OTK paddle, a rubber paddle, an acrylic paddle, a polypropylene paddle, a “smack stick” and a very small acrylic rod, mostly used for flicking. The thing which is the most impressive about Cane-iac’s collection is the fact that despite all the things I own from them, I’ve barely scratched the surface of what they offer. I’ve never had any of their wooden or leather implements, and they have a ton of other interesting synthetic options. They are always adding new items to their site, too. When my TNG group had a Toy Show and Tell meeting, I introduced several of my friends to their products, and everyone, whether spankos, sadomasochists or sensual players, found them impressive. Plus, their prices are extremely reasonable. I’m definitely a fan.
Canes 4 Pain: I don’t own any implements from Canes 4 Pain yet, but I was caned with one during my first photo shoot. I was delighted to discover that my butt appears on their page :D. They certainly get my bottom’s seal of approval!
Canes 4 Pain has some items that are a bit hardcore even for me (like the Sanibel Beach Canes) and others that are extremely ornate and very lovely indeed. Their less complicated models are elegant and extremely effective. They certainly seem sturdy and I like the idea of supporting an artistan. They’re on the list of “places to buy things from when I eventually get money to throw around.”
Kitty’s Exotic Paddles: I’ve been spanked with Kitty’s paddles during two of my shoots. They’re a remarkable combination of being a total work of art and really, really solid. Those paddles hurt! They pack a punch! And they’re just gorgeous 😀 They’re so nice to touch, because of the texture, that those into sensation play would probably enjoy running them over a body. When my video with Chelsea Pfieffer is released, look for some Kitty related banter 😛 Once I get enough funds, I’ll certainly be investing in one of these lovely pieces.
Stockroom: The physical store for The Stockroom is located right down Sunset Blvd from me, so I’ve been there a number of times. I have never purchased anything aside from clothing and my toy bag from them myself, but they sell an item almost the same as my nylon cane (aka the bane of my existence) and I’ve experimented with several of Maddycake and Sir Siq’s toys from there as a top. The Stockroom is clearly not a place designed for spankos, but they have some interesting canes that I’d recommend checking out. Bottoms, if you have a sense of self preservation, pass on the nylon. I wouldn’t recommend their wooden paddles, as they aren’t that special for the price, but their other equipment is quite lovely.
These are all the places that I’ve played with toys from, that I’m aware of. I’m very open to recommendations for other places to obtain implements! 😀
I was talking with a friend about limits in preparation for Wednesday’s PTNG Discussion Social on limits, negotiation and consent. She asked me, seriously, if I personally knew what my limits are. Honestly, it was a hard question for me. I don’t like the idea of being labeled as a “hard player”, despite the fact that I know I sometimes am one, but I know that a lot of my friends, especially my local friends, see me that way. I’m certainly not one of those “no limits crazy people” that sometimes show up on fetlife, claiming they’d let their Dom do anything to them. I do have some sense of self preservation: it’s just less than a lot of other people’s. I had to admit that there are some limits that I’m not sure of. I don’t mean what types of play or activity I am or am not comfortable with. I find that to be straight forward and easy to categorize. I do so like this:
Ethical Limits:The following are things that I won’t do, even under duress, because I feel that they are ethically inappropriate. These limits are constant and universal.* Play involving parties that do not or are unable to consent. This includes play involving minors, animals, the dead, the unconscious et cetera. * Play where the validity of consent is questionable. This includes people who are not mentally stable enough to give proper consent or those who have a track record of consenting to activities and then retroactively “removing” their consent to play the victim. I believe that consent must remain cut, dry and clear for a scene to function.
Solid (Unbending) Limits: I don’t like to use the word “never.” There was a time when I had “themes of bodily possession or belonging to another individual” on this list, and now belonging to Malignus is one of the greatest joys in my life. I’m always open to the idea that I could change dramatically in the future. That said, I can’t see myself ever doing these things if my life keeps going the way it is right now: * Sexual themes or contact in play. * Degradation or humiliation.* Inserting anything into any of my orifices, including my mouth.* The sharing of bodily substances other than my tears and blood.* Contact with my sexual organs, including my breasts, of any sort during a scene.* Religious, spiritual or occult themes in play. * Permanent bodily damage or transformation. * Consensual non-consent.* Infantilism.* Age-play where a character is younger than teenaged.* High Protocol.
Hard Limits: These are things that I have absolutely no desire to ever do, but that I would engage in if sufficiently driven by submission and in a physically and emotionally safe environment. Those in bold carry significant emotional weight:*Wet and Messy play, especially including food.*Suction or vacuum play.*Electrical play.*Breath or choking play.*Drowning or water-boarding scenes.*Fire play (including fire cupping).*Knife/ Sharp object play.*Whipping and flogging (or any kind of impact play on the back).*Needle play.*Sensory deprivation.*Medical play.*Things involving feet.*Tickling.*Confinement.
Soft Limits:These things aren’t my preference, but I’m willing to do them if they are useful in a particular situation or are for a video:*Full nudity during a scene.*Teenage ageplay.*Bondage or restraints.
These are the limits that I understand. The ones that are lost on me are the limits of physical tolerance within a scene which is emotionally comfortable. There has to be an end to what I can take, right? If there is, it’s eluded me thus far. I’ve never reached the moment where a spanking becomes physically unbearable before (although I did once reach the point where I had to throw up because I had eaten way too much ice cream cake before the scene and another time because the emotional side of things wasn’t right for me). I’ve touched on the rumored “terminal hurt” –– the place where the body simply stops processing pain and things feel awesome, once, and it was an amazing experience. But I often hear people talk about thinking that they “can’t take any more” and that is something that I don’t feel. I choose what I can endure. I have never seen a photo of a scene or created a scenario in my mind that I did not have full confidence that I could endure unless it was permanently damaging, against my other limits or far too dangerous. I’m not being cocky: I know what my abilities are, if I desire to use them. I’ve been severely injured in the past (from reasons not related to the scene!) in ways that the majority of people I interact with will never experience. I endured. I’m able to endure a considerable amount. What influences me, what creates my not yet understood limits, isn’t my ability: it’s my desire.
I’ve come to the conclusion that what I can take is based entirely on what I want to take, which makes the idea of the end point very flexible and sort of unnecessary. There’s romanticism in the idea of “going all the way” and finding the end of what I am willing to endure, the place where I no longer have any desire to continue. If I enjoy pushing myself, it would follow that I would enjoy pushing myself all the way. The problem with this is that it isn’t practical. It’s a nice fantasy, but it would involve an amount of force that would certainly be injurious and the satisfaction of proving what I can take wouldn’t be worth the effort and possible physical consequences to me.
As it is, I take pleasure in engaging in play which is severe and “pushing myself” from time to time. It isn’t my usual thing. I don’t consider myself a particularly hard player in my daily life. When I do receive spankings that are particularly severe, I have the confidence of knowing that no matter what happens, it is something that I can take. I don’t need to have physical evidence to know that. I really only play to that level of intensity with Malignus, and I trust him entirely. Perhaps more importantly, I trust myself to be responsible for my own well-being if it comes down to it, and to endure appropriately if it does not.
Whether you’re seen by others as a hard player or not, do you know where you draw the line? Are you comfortable when others mark their limits in vastly different places than you do? I’ve often been uncomfortable talking about the level of play that I’m alright with because I fear that others will judge me negatively for it. Thoughts on that?
The other day, I was looking through my list of fetishes on fetlife. I enjoy the fetish list: I try not to abuse it too much, but I’m fond of creating or adding fetishes that are witty, funny or poignant. Really, the whole thing is kind of unnecessary: my fetish list can be condensed into “spanking.” Everything else serves to flesh out what kind of spanking scenes I’m into: the severity, frequency and style of spanking that I enjoy is highlighted. I took a look at my “Curious about” list, though, and discovered that it was 99%* inside jokes. In fact, only five items are real things that I’m interested in trying. This got me thinking: have I done it all? Aren’t there things I still desire to experience for the first time in Spankingland?
I have a very specific kink. I like to be spanked. I like to be spanked with various things, and I’d like to expand my collection, but there are only a couple of implement categories that I haven’t explored at all yet. As far as positioning goes, I really don’t like to have too much variety: if it was practical (and up to me) I’d be spanked over a lap a hundred percent of the time. I’m not into unusual positions or restraints or bondage furniture.
I’ve learned that I am far more fond of spankings that seem real, and which fit seamlessly into my daily life than fantasy based spankings. Despite the amount of value that I placed on my early childhood fantasies, I’d rather enjoy the themes which were important in them during a spanking that just involves me being me and my top being himself than actually act them out. I’m pretty much only into roleplaying for the sake of doing videos or if it is really funny. J. and I have had some scenes that were downright ridiculous in that regard, and I kind of dig that. I don’t have any role-plays that I’m dying to play out to add to my “curious about” list.
There are plenty of locations to be spanked in, but honestly, I don’t really approve of spanking in public places, or areas where one could be caught. I don’t get a thrill out of the risk of exposure: I just get fear and anxiety, in a bad way. I’m unable to relax and enjoy what I’m doing. As a nude model, I’ve done a lot of outdoor or semipublic work in places where it is not entirely legal, and it terrifies me. Getting caught naked is scary. Getting caught being spanked is maybe the scariest thing ever**. Because of this, the locations where I legitimately would like to be spanked are fairly limited.
|That’s a public road behind me. I would not like to be spanked here.|
The final thing that I can think of which varies between spankings is the atmosphere. This is probably the most significant of the possible variables: it’s the main thing that makes one spanking I receive different than another. That said, I’ve explored, at least a bit, all the major atmospheres which interest me. There isn’t any one type of spanking that I’ve never experienced which stands out to me as “I want that!” There are plenty of them that I want to delve deeper into, but you can only be curious about something until you’ve tried it once. 🙂
There’s a sort of meme in the spanking community of having a Spanking Bucket List, an idea popularized by a thread on fetlife which was particularly full of win. When I made my post to it some five months ago, my list was very general. From my exploration of this topic, I’ve created an updated one.
Getting spanked with a bath brushBath brushes are scary. I always understood in theory that they were scary: they’re basically a hairbrush on a stick, and the “on a stick” part allows the spanker to get more leverage. Plus, Janey really likes them, and anything that she likes makes me terribly afraid. When I was shooting with Lily Starr, she gave me a few test swats with the bath brush and I was surprised by just how much it hurt. Sure, we’d just done three scenes, so I was sore, but the three not particularly hard spanks that she gave me had me yelling about how unacceptable it was.
I like scary things. I get a huge thrill from working myself up over how bad something is going to be. It’s often even worse than I psyched myself up for, too, because usually these new experiences come from a particular individual who spanks me with 0% mercy. I also have a questionable sense of self-preservation. These things combined make me want to be spanked with a bath brush.
Being co-toppedI love the energy between the person spanking me and myself during a scene. The idea of having a third party involved to add to that dynamic seems awesome to me. I’ve co-bottomed before, and that was a lot of fun, so I want to try it this way, too! I’d especially like to be co-topped by two people that particularly enjoy each other or engage well together: I think the banter would be awesome.
Getting spanked on a wet bottomPeople talk about this all the time: it supposedly hurts more. I’m slightly skeptical of this, which is probably kind of silly. Whenever I’ve been skeptical of how much something hurts, it’s always really horrible. At one point, I didn’t think wooden spoons could hurt. At another, I didn’t think that the lag between a cane stroke and the full effect was “real” (before I had been caned). I even doubted the medical accuracy of the idea of a “weak spot” after skin broke during a spanking until I had to deal with one for a while. You’d think I’d eventually learn that if everyone talks about something, it’s probably accurate. Still, there’s nothing wrong with learning things the painful way, right?
Attending spanking partiesThis is a big one! I’ve never even been to a tiny party. I want to go! I want to be surrounded by people who share my kink. I want to meet awesome people I’ve interacted with online. I want to get implements from a vendor fair. I want to be spanked by Tops I’ve spanking-crushed on over the internet but never had a chance to meet.
Sitting down in the snow after a hard spankingI’ve seen photos of people doing this, and I think it’s adorable. Because I’ve been living in Southern California for the past two years and haven’t had to deal with any of the bullshit side of winter, I associate snow with coziness. Plus, if ice on a sore bottom feels good, snow would have to, right? I’ve never been spanked in a place where I could then go outside and have my bottom exposed, though, so the closest I’ve come to this is falling on my sore and swollen butt while ice skating, which, I can tell you, is not as fun as it looks and it does not look particularly fun.
Getting spanked on the beachOn the opposite end of the spectrum, if it were sufficiently private, I’d like to be spanked on the beach. When spankings are slow and rhythmic, I associate the feeling with the waves hitting me when I’m swimming in the ocean. It would be lovely to have a spanking follow that actual rhythm. I spent nearly all my life living in a costal area, too, so I have a lot of strong, positive memories associated with the shore. Plus, I bet that getting wet in the salt water afterwards would be ridiculously stingy!
Getting spanked in my carThis is a pretty lame thing to have on my bucket list, because I think that the main reason why people get spanked in cars is because they don’t have anywhere else to go do it. Still, I’ve just recently obtained my first personal car, and nothing would make it more “mine” than being spanked in the backseat. I mark my territory with my tears.
Getting an extremely long spankingSometimes, during a pleasant spanking, I get the feeling that I never want it to end, and I feel the same sense of disappointment that one gets when a particularly fun ride at the fair starts to come to a halt when I feel the pace slowing down for the inevitable end. I’d love to have a spanking that just kept going. Here’s my pitch for a spanking video: a feature length film that’s just me getting one long, peaceful, OTK, hand-spanking. What? That would get boring to watch? Harumph!
Purchasing leather implementsAs you may have seen in my recent post about my implement collection, I don’t own anything leather. I used to have hang ups about the material from earlier, non consensual experiences. Recently, I started playing with it and I discovered that not only do I no longer find emotional discomfort from the use of leather implements, but I am actively fond of the physical sensation. I’d like to eventually obtain some leather implements of my own.
Cutting a switch.Originally, I didn’t think that switches were scary. I thought they were kind of like less terrifying canes or something. Then a few of my friends started comparing them to razor wire and saying that they’re the all-time worst implement they’ve ever been spanked with and I chickened out. Maybe it’s because no one has reminded me of how terrible they are in a while, maybe it’s because I’m not currently sitting on a collection of welts and bruises, maybe it’s because there isn’t anyone around to thrash me at the moment, but I’ve regained enough confidence to feel, once again, curious about getting spanked with a switch. Like I said before, I like having things hyped up and scary once in a while. This is certainly one of those things.*Approximate figure. I did not do the math.**I know, I use this term a lot. Someday, I’ll collate all the data and come up with the True Scariest Thing Ever (TSTE).