I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Paul left for the UK just before I left to go to my family of origin’s house for the holiday. Being around them is always difficult, but it’s a topic that I don’t really want to delve into here. Suffice to say, it was a very long week with very bland food, family stress and the sadness of being separated from Paul. He’s gone until the spring time, doing very important stuff that I’m very glad he’s doing, but it’s still hard on me.
I came home feeling fairly down, but being at home has brightened me, honestly. My family of origin’s house is so dreary that all the comforts and coziness of my little place here have been really highlighted to me in the past couple of days. My days have been quiet but good, and cat cuddles make the house not feel really lonely.
Soon, I’ll be heading out of town again, on a long-session trip that will include some very exciting adventures. Then I’ll be home for a bit, I’ll get to watch Star Wars (I planned all my travel for the month around this) and then I’ll head back to the F.O.O’s for Christmas. It’s funny, I was *so* enthusiastic about Christmas this year while Paul was here. I was doing early shopping and we watched the holiday parade at Disneyland, which is something I’ve wanted to see ever since I was a little kid and I had a VHS tape with a recording of it on it (this is how I experienced a lot of the world as a small child). Both that parade and the special holiday World of Color water show were just amazing, and I couldn’t stop being excited. We went to The Grove one day for me to see the giant Christmas tree there, too. I mean, technically we went to go to stores, but I was all about the Christmas tree.
After Thanksgiving, my enthusiasm has…dwindled. The F.O.O has a way of doing that to me, I guess. I’m hoping that my next trip will perk me back up in that department.
Well, now that I’m done being a bummer, onto some exciting news. We’re got The Spanking Awards going on now! It’s voting time already, and the first category is Best Creative Blog. Alex in Spankingland has been nominated once again. I want to thank everyone who listed me as their choice, since there were several of you! You guys’ loyalty to my blog means a lot to me, and it reminds me that I need to attend to you regularly!
There are some other excellent choices on the list, too. Fellow spanking romance author Casey McKay was nominated, and if you haven’t read your blog, it’s one you should definitely check out. She shares her favorite fiction work as well as really intriguing snippits from her personal life.
The blog Consensual Spanking was also nominated, which is a blog that makes caption and stories based around spanking photos.
There’s also Wolfie Toons, where you can always count on seeing cute and funny spanking cartoons. I’m sure you guys must be familiar with this blog, but if you’re not, definitely go take a look and enjoy what he has to offer there.
Erica Scott has, of course, been nominated again! Erica is one of my best friends and a part of my chosen family (you know, the family that *doesn’t* drive me batty!). Erica is a truly exceptional blogger, especially in her perfect balance of fun spanking stuff and real, honest sharing about her and her life. And she’s a remarkable women. I just adore her.
Hermione’s Heart is another blog that I’ve enjoyed reading for a long time, and it’s the host of the Spanko Brunch every Sunday (which I really should get back to participating in). It’s another truly great blog.
Ludwig and Kaelah’s blog was also nominated, which is another that I’ve enjoyed for a long time. The stories and pictures that they share are always both exciting and reaffirming to me.
Bonnie’s My Bottom Smarts is nominated, as well. Bonnie’s blog is such a good resource for those looking to find other blogs, as she has the world’s greatest collection of blog links. Plus, her posts are so thoughtful and informative. I hadn’t visited Bonnie’s blog in a while and when I went back to grab the link I regretted that I hadn’t. It’s definitely quality stuff.
Pandora Blake’s blog is on the list, too. I think that everyone knows just how much I adore Pandora and how much I support her. Her blog has always been an inspiration to me, and she continues to challenge my held beliefs and open my mind to this day. Pandora is really a treasure in the spanking scene. We’re so lucky to have her.
Finally, there’s Tim the Tum, whose blog includes really great spanking stories and some of the most thoughtful and interesting writing about spanking videos that I’ve seen in a while.
So, all in all, it’s a great list of candidates. Checking out each of the blogs that have been listed made me feel really enthusiastic about the blogging scene again, too, which is something I’d been needing. After I left blogger, I stopped feeling a certain sense of blogging community. I want to get back to commenting on others blogs and engaging with other bloggers more. Especially should do if I’m whining to get more comments myself, huh?
I hope that you all go vote. I obviously hope that you’ll want to vote for me, but there are so many other blogs on this list that deserve recognition, so go pick your favorite, whatever it is!
In other exciting news, I have a trip to the UK coming up in January. I’m flying out on New Year’s Eve, which will be a bit of a strange experience, since I won’t know when the date has actually changed since I’ll be changing time zones. Maybe I’ll re-enter the new year more than once? In my mind, 2016 will start when I land, I suppose. I’ve had a long history of weird or lame New Year’s Eve celebrations, so I think that getting off the plane, going through customs and then being greeted with a kiss from Paul will certainly be a good change of pace! I hope the flight isn’t too full of drunk people, though. Could be interesting.
I’ll be in England from the 1st thru the 20th of January, and Paul and I will be doing a location shoot in a big, Victorian house for four days, with a handful of brand new spankees plus a couple of English models I’ve never had a chance to meet before but that I’m very excited to meet and work with. So that should be a great adventure.
I’m hoping that I’ll be able to see some friends while I’m there, too, and do some exploring. And maybe I’ll tell you the stories from my last trip before this one starts, we’ll see.
I’m also finishing up my fourth spanking book! I’ve been keeping it kind of under lock and key and not posting any Works in Progress type snippits, but it’s my first historical piece, set in Victorian England. It’s called The Doctor’s School for Naughty Girls and it combines a lot of my core fantasies, as the title pretty much suggests. It’s a bit edgier than my other books in certain ways (or, for some it may seem to be less so, as it’s my least age-play oriented book to date) and I’m very excited about it. I need to finish a few more scenes and then send it to my editor to begin that whole process, but I’m hoping that it will be out for you guys soon. In the mean time, if you haven’t read The Doctor’s Little Girl, Daddy’s Little Angela (or the entire Little Haven collection) and The Sheriff’s Little Girl, now would be a great chance to grab one of those to tide yourself over until my new book comes out.
So, lots of exciting things going on right now and in the near future. In the immediate future, I need to get some food. I have an empty fridge and there’s no point in shopping right before I leave again. So, I’m going to go grab myself something before I head home to try to get a few more things done. I’m having late night snacks (which I assume means pie, since that’s our go-to) with Princess Kelley later, but I need energy before that.
Remember to vote for your favorite spanking blog! The contest is no fun if no one votes. :3
Everyone remember last winter when England passed new regulations making the production of spanking, bondage, BDSM and several other kinds of positive, consensual adult videos illegal? It got talked about a lot at the time, and then it stopped being talked about so much. The law remained exactly the same, though, and it continued to effect UK based producers, having huge impacts on their lives.
Those who had to move their sites (or themselves) out of the country because of it have had big, bureaucratic messes and a lot of expenses to deal with. Those who didn’t have that option or who decided that their best choice was to remain in the UK have had even more stress to deal with: the fear of what’s going to happen next. I can’t imagine how much strain it puts on someone to know that the thing they’ve dedicated themselves to, invested all their time, creative energy and money in, has been made illegal and could possibly be taken away from them. It breaks my heart to think about, really.
So, when Pandora Blake and Nimue Allen started a fundraiser to support Backlash-UK, an organization that can offer legal aid to producers who find themselves in court because of these ridiculous regulations, I was glad to help out. I encouraged everyone who enjoys this blog to donate to the campaign, promising to give something back to the community in exchange for your help.
The deal was this: for every £10 donated, one cane stroke would be given. It started out with Pandora and Nimue each taking up to 50 cane strokes each. When those goals were reached, popular spanking and bondage model Amelia Jane Rutherford/Ariel Anderssen (same person, two names) volunteered to take 25 strokes, and Rosie Bottomley signed up for another 50. I was next to volunteer. If another £500 were donated, I’d be taking 50 strokes.
The fundraiser ended up collecting a total of £3,836. For those who don’t know, that’s about $5,700 that was donated in about a month’s time, or 767% of the original £500 goal. I was proud that I’d be getting all the strokes I had signed up for.
I had to wait until Paul got back from the UK to get caned, though, and once he got back, it didn’t happen right away. We we had houseguests, then we went out of town, then I had to shoot a lot of things, both for myself and other sites. Besides, you have to be in a good headspace to take such a severe caning.
Fifty cane strokes is A LOT to me these days. I was excited about what I had agreed to do, but very apprehensive. I could have signed up for a lower maximum, but I wanted to push myself. I do like playing hard, and I actually really like longer scenes, especially once I get into that headspace, but I don’t play that way very often anymore. I often get hung up on worries about marking or leaving myself too sore, or I get caught up in memories of times that weren’t enjoyable when I played hard. Over the past few years, it’s become increasingly harder for me to let go during longer, harder scenes.
So, I was nervous and apprehensive before my caning. Every one of the models who took sponsored canings reacted to the event differently. Most of the others I’ve watched seemed to enjoy it, some made sounds of pleasure, others giggled. I cried, but this wasn’t a bad thing.
Crying has always been a natural reaction to spanking and other corporal punishment for me, and for a long time, a crying headspace replaced a more traditional subspace for me when I was most relaxed during a scene. When the caning started, I was feeling a little nervous and a little shy about it. It hurt. The word that comes to my mind to describe the way that the cane feels is “spongy” which I know is very bizarre sounding. But the pain flexes and bends, swells and grows, like it’s absorbing into the other tissues in my body, welts raising up in a way that makes all of my body awareness focus on them.
I soon discovered that I needed the harsh, pulsing pain that was biting into my bottom. My crying was fueled by pain, but it was also relieving. It was almost therapeutic, like all my frustrations about ATVOD were manifested into something tangible, something that I knew that I could cope with.
Fifty strokes went by much more quickly than I expected it to. While at the beginning I was worried that I would never be able to take that many, I found that by the end I was in a space where I was almost surprised by the ending. Adrenaline and endorphins had kicked in, and despite my tears, I felt very still inside. Paul wrapped me up to cuddle on his lap and all was right with the world.
Doing something that I had, if just temporarily, worried I couldn’t do made me feel more confident about my ability to accomplish other things in my life, too, and gave me a little confidence boost.
So, now you get to watch the video! Click on this link to watch it streaming, or right click to save it to your computer. You’re welcome to reupload it and share it, but please provide credit and don’t re-edit it.
I hope you enjoy it! If you feel inclined to do something to help out, you can donate directly to Backlash-UK by clicking on the link on their page (no one will get caned though, sorry).
You can also support the producers who have been affected by these laws by joining their sites. Some examples include:
Dreams of Spanking, Nimue’s World, Northern Spanking, Restrained Elegance,
Triple A Spanking, Spanking Sarah, English Spankers, Red Stripe Films, Punishment Films,
Sound Punishment, Sarah Spanks Men and many more.
In December, a law came into effect in the UK which made the production of spanking videos, along with a variety of other kinds of porn, illegal. There was a lot of public outcry at the time, and spankos from all over the world offered their emotional support to the UK based producers. People signed petitions. People went to protests.
Then, eventually, things slowed down and, as a community, we generally stopped talking about this. That’s what happens with all political issues: very rarely do we stop actively talking about them because something gets fixed. We stop talking about them because we’ve run out of momentum, or things to say, or ideas of how to get things fixed. Continuing to talk about it, then, makes us feel hopeless. A much worse a reason why we stop talking about things is because we get used to them. We accept that this is simply the way things are. We stop thinking about it.
Unless, of course, you can’t stop thinking about it because it directly affects you. For the average spanko, the law change made us angry or uncomfortable. But for UK based spanking and fetish producers, it changed everything. I don’t know all the producers, and not all of them share what’s going on in their lives online, but here’s a recap of the information that I have right now (if you have more information than I do, please feel free to chime in in the comments section!):
There are other producers in the UK, but I don’t have any updates on how they’re dealing with this issue. If you know any, please add them in the comment section!
Nimue and Pandora announced a little while ago that they’re doing a fundraiser for Backlash UK, an organization that, among other things, provides legal aid for producers affected by the new ATVOD law. The fundraiser started off with a goal of 500 Pounds. For each ten pound donation, one of the two would receive one cane stroke, with a maximum of 50 strokes being received per girl. When the fundraising reached 1000 pounds, the maximum amount of strokes set to be received, Rosie Bottomley stepped up to take the next 50 strokes. When THAT goal was surpassed, Amelia Jane Rutherford agreed to take an additional 25 strokes. This goal has also been passed now.
So who do the additional cane strokes fall to? Well, they fall to me, of course.
I had the rare chance to have a skype chat with Pandora this afternoon. Because we’re both always keeping busy (her especially!) and we’re 8 hours of timezones apart, we almost never get a chance to make our schedules line up, so it was wonderful that we did. When we talked today, she told me everything that was going on with the fundraiser and explained that they had raised more funds than they had models to take the cane strokes, I was both overjoyed with their success and happy to help out. I’m an American, but this law has changed my life, too, and technically speaking, I’m a producer of a traditionally UK based site now. Besides, British spanking pornography means an awful lot to me. I was happy to put my butt on the line, quite literally!
So, everyone, click here to donate to Pandora’s fundraiser! You can donate no matter where you are located in the world. Ten pounds is about fifteen US dollars, and each 15 dollar donation adds a cane stroke for me! The caning will be filmed after Paul returns to the US, and the video including Pandora, Nimue, Rosie, Amelia and I all getting caned (although not at the same time and place) will be made available to everyone for free! Really, who DOESN’T want to see me get fifty cane strokes for a good cause? That’s an awful lot! So, please donate!
When you think about it, your donation doesn’t just ensure that I’ll be getting an additional cane stroke: it helps to provide countless more cane strokes in the future by helping to make sure that British spanking pornography is able to continue on in the world. More writing on this topic coming tomorrow, but I was kind of wrestling with blogger for a couple of days, so I got behind on my posting and now that I’m participating in this fund raiser, I want to get the word out before it’s too late!
Last month, while I was in New Jersey, Dreams of Spanking released one of my favorite scenes that I’ve ever done. It’s called Playing Truant. We filmed it just under a year ago, when Pandora visited me and Paul in Los Angeles.
There are a lot of different kinds of spanking roleplay scenes that I like. I like positive scenes in which enthusiastic consent is obvious in the roleplay. I like nurturing scenes, with loving but strict discipline being meted out, preferably right before bed to a girl dressed in pajamas. I like strict and austere school scenes, full of formality, apprehension and the inevitability of punishment. I like scenes that get funny, with banter that is hard not to crack up at. And I get to experience these sorts of scenes quite regularly. Chances are, any given shoot I do is going to scratch my itch for an old fashioned, OTK spanking or a school punishment. It might not be my exact fantasy, but it gets pretty close pretty often. And when I’m not filming, it’s very easy to get people to do these sorts of scenes with me. They don’t require anything too complex, and they aren’t particularly challenging for either party to “get into.”
But there’s something else that I’ve always fantasized about, and which has become a much bigger interest of mine in terms of actual play in the past couple of years. That’s dark, non consensually themed scenes. These are scenes that I get to film very rarely, and that’s what I got to do during the shoot in question. I talked a lot about wanting to do this film in the behind the scenes footage that’s included with it, but there’s a lot more on the topic of darker scenes that I’d like to explore.
I’ve been interested in non consensual themes for as long as I’ve been interested in spanking itself. I didn’t know that consensual spanking was even an option on the table when my fantasies first blossomed. Still, because I wanted to be spanked, the characters in my fantasies didn’t offer much resistance to the punishment they were about to receive.
I don’t think my fantasies began to grow truly dark until I was a teenager. By then, I had a pretty decent understanding of the concept that I could enjoy the fantastical idea of something without in some way supporting something negative or dangerous. This is a complicated topic itself, and one for it’s own post at some point, but it was freeing for me when I came to this realization. Many of my fantasies began to center around power that is taken unfairly or used in ways it wasn’t meant to be used. These were my first fantasies to include sexual elements, and that sexuality was always very non-consensual.
When I came into the scene about four years ago, I stepped away from these fantasies for a while. They aren’t commonly portrayed in spanking media, and no one I got to know in the scene played that way. The thought of describing these desires to someone became uncomfortable to me, especially because I hold such strong opinions about consent “in the real world.” Besides, I had no practical experience combining my sexuality and my kink, and I was very uncomfortable with the concept of putting it into practice. I wasn’t sure if I would even like those sorts of scenes in reality, and I didn’t feel comfortable to share that sort of darkness with anyone.
It takes an incredible amount of trust to want to play with someone this way. Specifically, you have to trust that the fantasy you are enacting is just a fantasy, and not a real desire for someone to do harm. You have to trust that the character your partner is playing is a character, and not a revelation of their hidden, true nature. You have to trust them to use the vulnerability you are about to give them only in the ways that you’ve consented to and with your best interests in mind.
At the same time, you have to trust them not to be afraid of you. When you explain to someone that you want to do something which is dark and taboo, you have to trust them not to judge you. You have to trust them to still respect you as a strong and capable person after you’ve shown them that you want to be helpless and victimized in a scene. You have to trust them to find a balance of taking your fantasy seriously while knowing that the character you want to be isn’t the way you want to be treated outside of the fantasy. You have to trust that if you push back and protest and get angry in the scene, that they won’t be hurt or offended in real life. You have to both understand that a scene is a scene, and as long as things go the way they are negotiated, what happens there doesn’t negatively effect things outside of the scene space.
In short, it takes everything that one worries about when going into BDSM in the first place and intensifies it.
The process of building that kind of trust with Paul took place over a couple of months, as we got to know each other. We first started to play together on camera, and that was very liberating. There are clear boundaries set in terms of what is a scene and what is real life when the camera is rolling. When you call “cut!” then it goes back to the real world and you can feel assured that, if the scene is going badly for you, that transformation from scene-space to “real life” will be immediate. There’s also comfort to be taken in the fact that everyone involved knows that what you do in the scene is simply acting. I had a lot of hang ups about resistance vs. being a “good” submissive and taking whatever I was given without reaction at that time in my life, but when I was playing for the camera, none of that mattered. There were a few hiccups as Paul and I transitioned to playing off camera, where I took things too seriously, but he was always supportive and loving towards me, even before we started dating. It didn’t take long before I could just relax and trust him, and once that happened, our play really took off.
Paul and I started actually dating during a time when he was in England and I was in the US, and we were making plans to get together at a cabin for an extended visit. During this time, I watched an incredible amount of spanking porn. It was the most I had watched since I was a teenager. I primarily watched Northern Spanking, but I also watched a lot of Dreams of Spanking and, since I had recently shot for the site and had therefore received a performer account for the first time, I began to explore Nimue’s World. I remembered that Paul had done a few films for this site, so I checked them out.
One of the films which he had acted in was called “I’ve Seen You” and it was very similar to the scene that I ended up doing for Dreams of Spanking. It involved Nimue playing a school girl who behaves sluttily, and Paul being a skeezy business man who was been watching her out the window. He follows Nimue home and, when she won’t respond to his sexual advances, beats her thighs severely with the tawse.
I became pretty obsessed with this film. I even saved it to my phone so I could watch it when I was out of the house. It was pretty much the hottest thing I had ever seen in my life. In my mind, it would have only been able to be hotter if there had been actual “forced” sex involved.
I was able to communicate with Paul about what kinds of scenes I was craving before we got to the cabin, and because we have unprecedented compatibility, what we wanted was very much in line. I relaxed and was able to play without worrying about outside things: that trust had been built, and it was built in a way which was pretty unbreakable. There was one other thing I wanted, though, which hadn’t been brought up before.
Asking someone for something like a dark, non-consensual scene with a lot of resistance and themes of forced sex isn’t the easiest thing to do. However, I had a wonderful tool in starting this conversation: porn. Specifically, I had the scene that he had done with Nimue. When I got up the courage to talk to him, all I had to say was “Remember that really dark scene that you did with Nimue?” Paul, of course, remembered. “I want to do something like that,” I told him. And so we did. Like that. It was magical and perfect, and it became something we can do when we want to.
When Pandora came to visit us last year, Paul and I both shot scenes for Dreams of Spanking. I don’t remember how the conversation came up, but I decided that I wanted to do a scene like this on video. Doing it on video was different only in that I had to worry about what people would be comfortable seeing. I was a little worried that people would be unsettled by some parts of the scene that I wanted to do, but I also kind of give 0 fucks about the limits that other people want to put on my sexuality and figured that Pandora would give viewers fair warning that the film included edgy, consensual non-consent situations.
Before we filmed the scene, Pandora interviewed both of us fairly extensively. This is important when showing people who aren’t familiar with us as people or as a couple a film that has these extreme themes in it, and the fact that I knew Pandora would do this is part of the reason why I felt so comfortable doing this scene for Dreams of Spanking. We both talked for a long time separately, and then together. I feel like it was one of the rare times that I was able to be articulate when being verbally interviewed, although at one point I got a little emotional and teared up when talking about what it’s like to be in a relationship where I’m loved as much as I am in this one.
The entirety of this interview is available for free on youtube. Oh, look, I embedded it for you!
This video is basically a 20 minute documentary on our relationship, which is a pretty special thing to have, when you think about it!
After we finished the interviews, we filmed the scene. In my opinion, it was one of the hottest things that ever happened in history. It was made more hot by the fact that I was aware that I was being filmed, that Pandora was watching this unfold and that Ten was in the other room and could hear us. I imagined strangers on the internet watching me in such a vulnerable state and the thought excited me. I felt wonderful to take what had felt like my ultimate taboo activity and put it in the public eye. It was freeing and liberating.
At one point, while we were in the middle of filming the scene, there was a knock on the door. Paul left me lying naked on the couch and went and opened it. I was afraid that it was the police: I had been yelling and protesting while he was beating me for the past several minutes, after all. Instead, I heard a meek voice say “We are missionaries…”
Paul didn’t break character at all. “That’s nice. Bye,” he said, slamming the door. As he walked back over to me, I realized that he still had the tawse in his hand. No missionaries have come to our house ever since. 0_0 I’m kind of disappointed that Pandora turned the camera off before Paul opened the door. It was pretty epic.
The scene itself was epic, too, and it ended with the implication of forced sexual activity (no, there is no actual penis in the film). This was my idea to include, and the negotiation of it was making it something that Paul was comfortable with filming. I love the fact that this is included in the behind the scenes, too. I think it’s important to show that Tops’ limits are equally as important as those of bottoms.
After a scene this intense, I needed a lot of cuddling, although I wasn’t upset by it. I was actually very joyful, but slightly disoriented from all the endorphins. If you watch the behind the scenes footage, you’ll hear me talking in my happy, childlike voice and giggling as I snuggle on Paul’s lap. That’s another thing that I think is important for people to see: that everything about this scene had a positive effect on me.
The whole point of Dreams of Spanking is that it’s about the women and their gaze, instead of the women being objects for men to view. Every scene that I do is about me, but I’ve never felt like a scene was more about me as a person. This took something that I felt like I had to keep hidden from people and celebrated it. We did it my way, with my partner, in my home. All of the behind the scenes footage shows people who I am. I remember snuggling on Paul’s lap after we filmed this and just feeling good about myself.
Very few people commented on this scene, and a couple of people let me know that, despite all the behind the scenes materials, it made them uncomfortable. But I was elated to see that Girl on the Net wrote about wanting to use this scene as a negotiation tool in a post to the Dreams of Spanking blog. It was particularly exciting to me because if it wasn’t for Nimue’s World, I don’t know if I would have even known how to bring the subject of wanting to play this way up to Paul. I feel like, in a way, I was able to pay that forward with this film. I hope that people who share my fantasies will enjoy the scene, but I hope that others who don’t can still understand the importance of it. There’s nothing wrong with having taboo fantasies that you act out in a healthy, well negotiated, safe way. ❤︎
Thank you so much for voting for my blog for the “Best Creative Spanking Blog” Category in The Spanking Awards! They announced last night that I won! It’s my second awards in a row winning (there weren’t any awards given last year) and it makes me feel pretty darn special. Despite all my difficulties keeping this blog up in the past year, it’s refreshing to hear that you guys still enjoy it!
I’m not the kind of person who has won many medals in my life, so this one really means a lot to me, even if it’s just a graphic!
I found out about the fact that I had won when Erica tweeted at me: I was in the grocery store with my mom running around getting stuff for Christmas dinner at the last minute. It turns out that I took first, Pandora got second and Erica got third. Pandora and Erica are two of my all time favorite people, so I’m happy to share the rankings with them. I certainly don’t think I’m a better blogger than either one, though, and I wouldn’t even HAVE a blog if it wasn’t for those two! They were two of my biggest influences in starting this little corner of the internet.
I want to extend my gratitude to everyone who reads my blog, whether you voted or not! I wouldn’t have a blog if I didn’t have people to read it. It means so much to me that you guys think what I have to say is worth your time!
I’d also like to thank Paul for helping me in my struggle to keep posting regularly, for giving me lots of sexy things to write about, and above all else, for being the most loving and encouraging partner I could ask for. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have him.
On the same note, I’d like to thank Rafa and Z, my wonderful vanilla boyfriend and girlfriend. It means so much to me that two non-kinky people have so wholeheartedly embraced my lifestyle. They support me in everything that I do and never make me feel like my life is any weirder or than their own. I’m so lucky to have such an awesome trifecta of wonderful people supporting me, cheering me on in the good times and supporting me when things are harder.
I’d like to thank John over at Spanking Blogg for resurrecting the Spanking Awards this year! I know it’s a lot of work to do, but it’s very appreciated!
Finally, I’d like to thank my amazing assortment of friends, play partners and lovers for filling my life with happiness and adventures. This makes for a very contented Alex as well as a lot of great stuff to share with everyone here!
I hope to make 2015 another wonderful year of blogging, and to have lots of exciting spanking tales to share with all of you.
(Don’t forget that the Spankee of the Year voting is still going on!)
A new scene involving me was just released, and I didn’t write about that shoot when it happened (it was during the very dark time of me never blogging, which I hope I’m proving to you is coming to an end) so I’m going to talk a little about it now. 😀
The scene is called “The Other School” and it’s newly released on Dreams of Spanking. We filmed this back in April (or was it May? One of those months) when I was lucky enough to have Pandora visiting me. The time that Pandora spent visiting was extremely fun. I was very much looking forward to doing this shoot: we had me, Christy Cutie, Maddy Marks and Pandora, plus Paul topping and my vanilla partner, Rafa, helping with camera and lighting. It was a fun day of shooting (half of it was for Northern Spanking and half for Dreams) with a bunch of really great scenes. One of the ones that I enjoyed the most was this one, though.
The plot of the video is that Pandora and I go to a very strict school and our best friends, Christy and Maddy go to a more lenient one. This is made obvious by the differences in our uniforms: Christy and Maddy get to wear fairly “grown up” looking uniforms, obviously not having gotten reprimanded for shortening their skirts, and can even get away with wearing high heels. The school that Pandora and I go to is much stricter, and we wear traditional white and navy uniforms (I’m in a gym slip and Pandora is wearing a skirt and blouse) with flat shoes and have to wear ties.
After a scene showing the four of us hanging out and chatting, Maddy and Christy convince us to ditch our last period study hall to go hang out with them on Friday. They wear us down from “They will literally kill us, as in, I would be dead” to “well, I guess we are seniors now…” Maddy asks “what’s the worst thing that could happen?” and Christy suggests that we’ll get a detention another day. Of course, this is a spanking video, so I think you can guess what the worst thing that can happen is.
Obviously, this plan ends badly for Pandora and I, and in my nervousness as we wait to be caned I engage in a lot of excessive anxious hair twirling and the two of us whisper about our fears of what will happen to us next. We’re then interrupted by the stern voice of Mr. Kennedy ordering us in.
We filmed this little bit in just a couple of minutes, but it had a strong effect on both Pandora and I. When it comes to school type scenes, we share a lot of the same kinks, and this moment really played into it for both of us. Apprehension, formality, sternness, the bond between those being punished together… all these things were spot on for both of us. I remember after we filmed this bit, Pandora turned to me and said “Well, that’s most of my school kink summarized in two minutes” or something along those lines.
Maddy and Christy decide that they feel guilty that we’re probably in more trouble than they are, so they sneak into our school, peering into a door that leads to our gymnasium, where they discover that Pandora and I are getting beaten. They decide that they need to confront our headmaster and let him know that it’s their fault, too. The caning scene here was tough for me: I accidentally gotten a patch of broken skin a while prior to the shoot and it hadn’t healed yet (this is not something that usually happens to me and I was very freaked out by it) but I had still really wanted to participate in the scenes that we had planned. This one, particularly, was one I was looking forward to. Stern, formal school scenes are so close to the core of my kink, and I love doing scenes with a lot of girls in them, especially ones who I adore like these three!
Paul didn’t go easy on me: the strokes cut and burned and bit the way that canings always do. I was deeply immersed in the scene and thinking about how I had gotten myself into so much trouble and how embarrassing it was to be getting caned (if you watch the film, my face is bright red when you see the reaction shots). When Paul and I do roleplay scenes together, we’re able to slip perfectly into the characters that we’re playing. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but for me, I’m never aware of the fact that he’s my boyfriend and I’m head over heels in love with him. That foundation creates a huge amount of trust that allows me to give up control and just enjoy whatever we’re doing, but in that moment, I’m intimidated by him because he’s my strict and fearsome headmaster. And after that moment, I’m sky high with happiness at this phenomenon.
Anyway, back in the film, Maddy and Christy explain to Paul that they feel that our misbehavior was all their fault (while both looking adorably nervous) and ask to share the punishment. I really like this whole idea. A lot of the school stories that were the origin of many of my original fantasies focused on the “codes of honor” that students shared about protecting each other, and I find hearing Maddy suggest that they should be caned as well incredibly hot on an unrelated note. Paul agrees and lessens the punishment due to Pandora and I, dividing the 12 strokes we were each due across the four girls and therefore leaving us with six each. Although I was originally getting my strokes over my panties, once the sentence was reduced we wind up having to take them on the bare. Serious ouch. Group punishment means watching your friends get punished, either while nursing a sore bottom or worrying about what will be about to happen to you! I think I got off easiest since I got the first caning, since I didn’t have to worry about my own impending beating while watching my friends get theirs:
In the end, we were a sore and well striped bunch of girls:
After we finished filming, there were cuddles all around and we enjoyed hanging out before going on to the next (and last) scene of the day. When we finished shooting, we went out to dinner to celebrate. All in all, an awesome shoot and a scene that I love. I especially appreciate that Dreams released a scene involving me and Paul right after he left: I often prevent myself from missing Paul TOO much by watching scenes involving the two of us. I can dive back into the memory of being there with him, plus, thanks to the miracle of spanking porn, I can hear Paul’s voice even on days when I don’t talk to him!
I’m posting this eleven days late. This potential “didn’t post to my blog as I should” punishment is probably growing. I’m going to take a moment to talk about the phenomenon of me not posting very often. In 2013, I rarely blogged as often as I wanted to, and my posts often had more than a month of lag between the event and the write-up. This has been a constant source of frustration for me, as I would like to be able to sit down and write and then post things. There are a couple of reasons why this became a trend. The first is that in 2013, I was away from home 66 percent of the year, and it wasn’t until I moved into my new house here in Los Angeles that I was ever home for more than two weeks straight without traveling. I have a hard time blogging when I’m on the road, as I often am either very busy with shoots or trying to squeeze in as much socializing as is possible. Because I was never home for very long, though, this meant that it became impossible for me to get caught up on things, which lead to me feeling frustrated and disappointed in myself, which actually isn’t a useful emotional place for me to be in and accomplish things.
The second reason is because there were parts of this year which were very difficult for me. It was the epitome of a transition period. I firmly believe that when it comes to putting things out there on the internet, if you don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all. During these times of stress and instability (or the depression that I fell into when Malignus first broke up with me, for example) it was hard for me to have anything worth putting on the internet to say.
The final reason why blogging hasn’t happened as much is because I’m sometimes very naughty and play too much Pokemon instead of doing my writing like a good girl. This is the reason why I need beatings. ^_^!
The other circumstances will hopefully be mitigated in the coming year (and obviously my naughtiness will be totally and entirely corrected and never be a problem again, right? That’s how spanking works? :P). I intend to spend much more time close to home. I love everything about where I live: my house, my cats, my local friends, the people I get to work with, the places I get to go, the proximity to Disneyland and, of course, being at home (most of the time) with someone I love. I’ll still travel quite a bit, especially to national parties, and I’ll likely continue to visit Denver and Dallas as regularly as I can manage (they’re filled with some favorite friends, producers and clients!) but in general, the travel craziness will be toned down.
So, with this out of the way, it’s time to remember some fun things which happened in 2013! Onward! [Please note that some of these stories contain ellipses. These are real ellipses, showing that text has been omitted in between those words to keep each story brief and readable, not punk ass “I dunno how to finish a thought” type ellipses. Kthnx.
One of my fonder memories from January was visiting Amoni in Denver, where I did my second shoot for Real Spankings. I described the final scene I filmed that day like this:
When we were discussing these last two sets, it was up to me whether I wanted to do them with my jeans on or not. For the first one, I decided to do it on the bare because cane lines always look great, and because at this point in my life, it feels kind of unnatural to get spanked over clothing since baring is nearly always a part of my spanking ritual, unless it’s something extremely impromptu or it’s part of a mind-game. Shortly after we finished filming the caning sequence, I went to get changed to do the paddling one. I had originally said that I would take the paddle swats over my jeans, but I changed my mind at the last minute. My butt was sore, sure, but I wasn’t dying. I was really enjoying getting spanked, and I really wanted to feel the spanking I’d be getting that day.
After the interview, when it came time to actually take my jeans down, I felt a little apprehensive about my decision. It’s funny how the closer a spanking gets, the scarier it becomes. But I reminded myself that this was all my choice and I wanted it to be hard and got them down.
It was hard.
I got ten swats with the paddle, and each of them made me rise up on my toes, cry out, and contort my face in pain. After the seventh, I asked for a moment to catch my breath. I took a second to just breathe as Danny gently rubbed my bottom. I felt safe and secure, and relaxed myself again, stuck my bottom back out and took the final three swats.
When it was done, I had quite a mix of adrenaline and endorphins and a very sore bottom. That, my friends, is the ideal way to end a work day. 🙂
In January I also spent a lot of time with a girl who I was involved with at the time (and still care greatly about) called Panda, I was in Sioux Falls, and it snowed. I hate the snow if I have to deal with it for more than about fifteen minutes. In retrospect, January was very much like the year before it, although the rest of 2013 was really not.
In February, I was a busy girl. I spent the first couple of weeks in Sioux Falls, but then took off for the start of a whirlwind adventure which changed my life forever! I left to go to Los Angeles, where I visited Rafa, Zeki, Christy Cutie and Maddy Marks, went to parties, did shoots, worked on projects and ate delicious food. From LA, I flew to Las Vegas for the private party now called “50 Freaks,” where I had a remarkable time and got spanked quite a bit! On the last day of the party, Robert Wolf and Lily Starr took me to the airport, where I departed for my month long adventure in England. I had one of my favorite scenes of all time while I was in Las Vegas, with Richard Windsor. We built the energy for the scene up over the course of months, with internet bratting and scolding voice recordings which left me a (happily!) quivering mess. Here’s the meat of that story:
Richard had positioned me over a barstool … I was given a piece of paper which read “MR. WINDSOR IS NOT A LITTLE BITCH” which I was to recite after each stroke. … The first stroke made me gasp and whimper. I had trouble getting my voice in order to speak to read the sentence. I think I may have actually moved my mouth without any sound coming out, like trying to bring myself to wake someone sleeping in a dark room when my mind believes that it is necessary to be entirely quiet.
“Mr. Windsor is not a little bitch,” I managed. The cane landed again, in a hot, stinging stroke. Again, I repeated the sentence. On the third stroke, I had a moment of fear when I realized that I was only a quarter of the way done with the caning. Just like the hallway had before, twelve strokes seemed impossibly long. The scene had gotten into some deep part of my brain and had twisted my senses of time and distance. It felt like a very long time before the next stroke.Sometimes, I would rush the sentence out quickly. Others, I would whimper and wail a bit, catch my breath, move my feet and then whisper. At one point, I apologized, but I was firmly reminded that it was not the time for that. When I finally read the sentence for the last time and received my final stroke, I felt like I had been in the scene for ages, when in reality, I can’t imagine that it took more than ten minutes between the first and last stroke. Each one had been memorable, though: they cut, they bit, they slashed, they buzzed and itched and chewed at me.
March was one of the most adventure filled months of my whole little life. I arrived in England on the first and returned the the US on the 30th. I had a disastrous start to my trip, but things quickly picked up and became delightful. After spending less than a day in country, I flew to Holland, where I did two days of shooting for Spanked in Uniform and Real Life Spanking. From there, I flew back to England where I was collected by Paul to go to location where we were joined by John Osborne (“The Chief”) for another two days of shooting: one for Northern Spanking and one for Triple A Spanking. This was the second time I ever met Paul, having shot for him briefly at Shadowlane the year before. I was stressed out beyond belief during my first few days of travel, and I was deeply afraid to be in places where I knew no one, and where I felt fundamentally alone. I don’t have an explanation for this, and it this isn’t something that I retroactively wrote onto my memory because I remember thinking it to be very strange at the time, but as soon as I saw Paul waiting for me from across the baggage claim, I felt secure. It turns out that wasn’t just a fleeting feeling and wasn’t just my relief at seeing a face that I recognized. It’s a feeling of security which, very soon after this, became a permanent part of my life.
We spent two days doing our shoots. I got spanked by Paul for the first time, and several times after that: despite my somewhat frazzled state at the time, I was very aware of just how well we connected, even when our scenes were for films. When shooting was done, due to difficulties (I was originally meant to stay with SF while in England, but his infant daughter passed away during my first week in the country which changed things a great deal) I ended up staying with Paul for two days, during which time we played as much as possible and pretty much spent the rest of the time cuddling. It was magical.
From there, I went to stay with Pandora Blake for over a week, where we had lots of fun spanking adventures, deep conversations and much more cuddling. I also spent about half the visit following around and harassing her cat, Fatface. Observe this passage describing my feelings:
Fatface is a big, beautiful cat. She’s fluffy and mostly white, and most of the time, she gives zero fucks about what those weird humans are doing around her. The characteristics that make me like her more than the average cat (which I already like a lot) are as follows:
1) Fluffiness. 2) Passivity. 3) Facial expressions suggesting dissatisfaction with human company. 4) Adorable cat food (or “biscuits” as they are referred to in England) seeking behavior. 5) Fat. 6) Everything.
Yep, I’m still obsessed with Fatface: enough that I considered her enough of a highlight of my year to include in this post. Anyway, In addition to doing two more days of shooting during this portion of my visit (one for Dreams of Spanking and one for Nimue’s World) I spent a lot of time playing off-camera with Pandora:
That evening, Pandora and I somehow ended up in a competition to see who could finish posting to their blog first, which aided me quite a bit in actually getting this stuff done. Pandora, however, finished her post just slightly before I did. “I beat you to posting!” she said, “Now, I’m going to beat you in real life!”
The setting of additional rules to a competition after it’s already been completed like that is tremendously unfair. When I have a certain kind of energy with someone, though, I find unfairness delightful…
Pandora offered me a warmup, which I gladly accepted, and then put me over her lap and spanked me with her hand. It had been a long time since I was spanked by Pandora, and I was glad it was happening again. I don’t feel entirely submissive towards her, so to speak, but I do feel passive towards her in play, and I enjoy her receiving her Toppiness, and I was very comfortable with her occupying Boss-space for the moment … It felt sort of invigorating and exciting to be getting spanked by her. Once I was thoroughly warm, she directed me up onto her sofa for a whacking with a fairly big, leather paddle. I cuddled up to her stuffed dog, Fred, who is known as “Drop Dog” due to his ability to drop onto your head. “Comfort her well, Drop Dog!” Pandora instructed, “she’s going to need it!” (I liked that quite a bit, too). She gave me a spanking that was neither severe nor serious, but still hurt enough, and put me in a giggly, happy, nicely spanked mood.
Our visit was wonderful, I loved both of the shoots that we did, and I was happy to get to meet some additional awesome people like Nimue Allen, Thomas Cameron and D. When visiting time was over, Paul came to get me and I went and stayed with him for the rest of my visit. This time was laid back and extremely enjoyable. I did another day’s shooting for Northern Spanking and, just before I had to leave to go back, a day for Bars and Stripes.
Leaving to go back to America was incredibly hard for me. I had, sort of unbeknownst to me, fallen into a depression in Sioux Falls over the months leading up to my trip, and while I had been in England I realized this, because I felt like myself for the first time in a long time. I felt excitable and happy and vibrant. I didn’t want that feeling to be over. I had also grown very attached to Paul, and the thought of leaving him made my heart hurt. But all things end, and my trip ended just as the month did.
April was primarily spent trying to adapt back to my life at home in Sioux Falls, although I did steal away to NYC to visit friends and do a few shoots, and to Atlantic City for Boardwalk Badness Weekend. Boardwalk was an action-packed tour-de-force of spanking, including my first time getting spanked on a boat. Another significant “first” happened at that party: my first hand tawsing experience:
Mr. Allen instructed me regarding how to position my hands, then he said:
“This is going to hurt very, very much. Don’t move your hand.”
There’s nothing like telling me that something is going to hurt to get into my head. Such a simple thing, usually the honest truth, but I have almost no defense against it. It melts my toughness. My heart pounded and pounded. Then Mr. Allen raised the tawse and brought it down on my palm.
Then I exploded.
Or so I felt. I at least screamed a little. I had never, ever, ever felt something that hurt so much. Not the longest, hardest caning in my history. Not a heavy ebony hairbrush on my thighs. Not being smacked on the tender areas near the backs of my knees. Nothing hurt like this. It was nauseating. It was disorienting. I don’t remember moving, but I discovered that I had my hand clutched between my thighs, because it was the sort of pain that I simply had to apply pressure to. There was no other choice. Holy. Fuck. I trembled.
“Other hand,” Mr. Allen instructed. I looked up at him pleadingly, but he had a stern and serious face. That confidence and his unbending nature comforted me, pacifying me enough to stand up straight again and put my other hand out. I forced it as far away from my body as I could, looking away to avert my eyes from what was going to happen.
That’s what happened. I crumbled, sort of bent in half, rocking and rubbing my aching, burning, terribly sore hands together. I knew that there was a crowd of people around, that we were playing in a suite, but I wasn’t aware of anything around me. Just the hurting. It was all that my mind could process. I didn’t even feel entirely control of the parts of my body that I normally am, unsure of how to breathe or move my muscles.
“I can’t take two more,” I told Mr. Allen. This was huge. I’m horribly proud. It’s rare for me to beg, to protest, or try to get out of something. I am, after all, the kind of girl who intentionally gets herself into situations like this. But here, I felt that I had met my match. This hurt too much. I wasn’t tough enough for two more. I just couldn’t. There was no way. I shook my head, tears soaking down my face and gathering on my sweater.
“You can and you will,” Mr. Allen told me. “You’re going to. Put your hand out.”
I wanted to protest more. I couldn’t. I might die. I might *actually* explode. My hands might come off. I was entirely beyond rationality. Instead, I felt comforted by his statement, and my panic started to fade. I felt the tranquility of being out of control, feelings of comfort in the inevitable that Malignus had taught me to embrace long ago. I could do this. I could.
I put my first hand out again. It already felt about twice it’s usual size. I closed my eyes and tried to relax into what was going to happen. I shrieked anyway, quickly devolving into sobs again.
Somehow, I got my other hand up without having to be coaxed, with Mr. Allen praised me for before bringing the tawse down the last time. This one felt like the worst one, both my hands swollen and red and sore, my world illuminated with a white strike of agony. I fell to my knees with both hands clutched between my thighs, trying to press the hurt out of them, trying to squeeze them back to feeling their normal size. I was concerned for a moment that I might throw up, but I recovered remarkably quickly as a powerful, almighty rush of endorphins came and took me over. Mr. Allen went away for a moment and returned with a bowl of ice. I buried my hands in it, and I felt infinitely better.
“You took that well,” he said as he comforted me. I laughed.
“No, I really didn’t.” I think it was the least well I had ever taken anything.
“Well, you took it. That’s something,” he said with a supportive smile.
This post is too long to begin with, so I shall break it into thirds. Next third coming tomorrow. ♥
Last time that I posted, it was about my real-life punishment dynamics. This week’s KOTW (kink of the week) topic is Funishment, or play punishment. This a wonderfully related topic which allows me to continue on my previous train-of-thought. (Thanks, Jade!)
As I stated last post, I didn’t start out in the scene with any kind of dynamic that included play-punishment, or really, play spankings of any kind. Spankings were srs business only. When I started to play with my previous play partner, J, we never had any sort of disciplinary relationship, or any kind of power-exchange at all. It took a while for me to get used to this, at first. The spankings kind of just “happened.” I came over and we talked and cuddled, then he spanked me because he liked spanking girls and I wanted to be spanked. Afterwards, I would usually make him some kind of baked good, often without returning to my proper state of dress so he could watch me bob around his kitchen in an apron with my red, swollen bottom on display. It was a great tradition, and I loved those scenes, but it often left me feeling unfulfilled, like something was missing from the interaction that we had just had.
One day, I came over and J. suggested that we do a roleplay scene instead of our “usual.” I felt really hesitant about this. “I don’t even know how to do that,” I remember saying nervously. I had never done anything even vaguely like this before, and I was afraid that I’d somehow fail miserably at it and “ruin” the scene. J. coaxed me into it, suggesting that we play a scene in which my character had similar traits to the ones that I was expressing: nervousness and apprehension are by no means uncommon parts of a lot of spanking scenarios. So we decided to do a scene in which a girl who had never been spanked before was being punished afterschool by a teacher for consistently being late to class. Now, this scene seems so typical and almost unexciting, but at the time, my heart raced. I went into the other room, and we agreed that when I came back in, we’d begin playing.
I stood at the door with my hand on the knob, trying to channel my personal jitteriness into that which I felt belonged to my character. The scene was actually very similar to the things that I had fantasized about for a long time, so I knew how I expected it to go, but I couldn’t quite relax. I stood there waiting for a good five minutes before I came out. J. was sitting on the sofa wearing dress pants, a button-up shirt and a tie. I felt my stomach twitch when I saw his serious, annoyed looking facial expression.
“This meeting started five minutes ago, Alex,” he chided. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to be late to a discussion about your tardiness?”
I felt my face grow hot and I looked down at the ground, nervously twirling my hair and fiddling with a stray string on my dress. “Sorry,” was all I managed. I felt unsure about “how I was doing” as a roleplayer, but I felt very immersed in the scene, transfixed by J.’s tone.
J. continued to lecture me, being stern and giving plenty of details about the things that I had done. He was amazing at thinking things up on the fly, and I found myself responding easily and naturally. When it was time for the actual spanking, he pulled me over his lap forcefully and lifted my dress as I gasped and protested. I had never really protested against a spanking before. My attitude towards them had always been passivity, but here, it didn’t only feel acceptable to protest, it felt right. J. smacked the back of my leg, hard and corrected me for that sort of behavior and began to give me a flurry of hard spanks, scolding me about how I needed to get myself together and take things seriously instead of flitting around the school in a disorganized mess. It was actually during this spanking, as I was kicking and writhing and J. was pinning me down and punctuating his stern words with firm smacks that I realized what had been missing from my previous scenes with him: energy.
There’s a certain energy and drama and that comes from the dance of scolding and protesting that simply isn’t there in other kinds of spankings. Some atmospheres create a strong but different energy, like the reaffirmative spankings that I mentioned before, which focus on giving an intense reminder of each partner’s role in the dynamic, or spankings that are done for emotional release (“just because you need to be beaten”) or as a love act. I love these sorts of scenes, and I do enjoy having entirely arbitrary “just for the love of spanking” scenes now and again, too, but my mind draws itself back to punishment scenarios again and again and again.
J. and I had a successful first roleplay, and we began doing more and more scenes like that, sometimes following up on others which we had done earlier. Still, we played infrequently and mixed our previous “standard” play with the roleplay punishments, so I probably only did a total of ten roleplays before I moved.
Malignus and I never roleplayed together. In fact, we very rarely engaged in play-punishment of any kind, as I felt like I wasn’t being sufficiently submissive if I intentionally misbehaved, and he tended to respond to things like that with removal of attention instead of “feeding into it” by punishing the perpetrator. During this time I became very focused on the idea of being a good girl and being as submissive as possible, so when I went to my first spanking get together, I felt at a loss as the other girls ran around doing complex pranks. A friend who was similarly into being good and I made an attempt at hiding an implement at one point, but we ended up wussing out and returned it to it’s rightful place. I received no play punishment spankings at that party.
When I went to my first national spanking party later that year (TASSP), I was very nervous about how I was supposed to act. The first night, I found myself sitting with Pandora Blake on the floor of Joe and Ten’s suite, having a conversation about this. I expressed my concerns about not knowing how to “brat” and Pandora gave me suggestions based on her experience. We came to the conclusion that intentional misbehavior can’t be too annoying, can’t be actually malicious or damaging to people or things and should be clever and/or funny. With this in mind, we got a magic marker from somewhere and crawled over to where IMLX was seated and began drawing cats on the bottom of his bare foot. IMLX and I knew each other from the internet and I knew that he was good natured, so he seemed like a good candidate for our naughtiness. It took him a surprisingly long time to realize that cats were being drawn on his foot. I don’t know what that says about him as a person. 😛 When he did figure it out, he playfully spanked both of us, scolding us (including in Russian!) for being naughty, cat-on-foot-drawing girls. It was seriously playfully, and I was seriously pleased.
Overtime, I sort of grew into myself in this regard, and began to figure out ways to initiate playfully punitive scenes. Sometimes I planned roleplay scenarios with people that I liked. Other times, I just whined a little. This seemed to work wonders. 😛
My play punishment life took a turn for the “more frequent” when I became friends with Bad Alex. Why? Because Bad Alex is fucking Bad, and she’s amazingly good at it. Her mind is a machine that takes a simple idea and turns it into the most trouble possible. Besides being good at raising hell and getting herself spanked, she’s also magically able to get me into play-trouble to degrees that I’ve never known were possible. For example, at BBW she set things up so I got 16 strokes of the cane because she punched me in the knee. That’s talent right there. I’m still kinda reeling from that almost a year later.
Bad Alex and I like to roleplay together. While some of the roleplays that I do are dark and serious, the ones that include both the Alexes are always kind of off the wall. For example, at July’s Crimson Moon party, we played a scene with our friend Jon83 in which we were sisters who had been caught cutting school to go to the mall by our father. I really like roleplaying with Alex when we’re not even caught yet: we just banter back and forth as misbehaving girls and giggle an awful lot. When we came back to our hotel room (in the pretend, our home) after having snuck out of school, we were greeted by Jon, who was none to pleased with us. We then started to try to lie our way out of things. My lies were things like “We just ran home to get our books!” but Alex’s were things like “It’s National Alex Day! No one with our name is allowed at school! We have the day off!” This threw me into a fit of hysterics, and it reminded me of a detail that had never been discussed: we were supposed to be sisters of the same age with the same name. We made a series of jokes back and forth to each other as we tried to figure out why this was until Jon sent Bad Alex to the corner to separate us, pointing to her and saying “That one! Go to the corner!”
This was the only time in my life that I laughed while getting a hard paddling.
We’ve done other, really fun scenes since then, and we currently have a ridiculously fun roleplay in the planning stages. It involves us pretending to get kicked out of someplace and needing to be picked up by our angry authority figures, who will then scold us all the way home before punishing us quite severely. In a Fetlife conversation on the subject, Bad Alex stated that she had been DOING RESEARCH into ways that we could get into trouble there.When I first started playing with Paul, I had very conflicting feelings about play punishment. At that point in my life, I had never had a D/s relationship which included funishment: these had always been two separate things. Serious disciplinary and D/s relationships vs. fun play partners and Tops with whom I could do roleplays and non-serious, play punishment scenes. Because I felt a strong and very real sense of submission towards Paul (which I had been aware of from the very first time that we played) I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to try to engage in intentional naughtiness to earn fun spankings. It took a while before I realized that this was totally acceptable, helped along the way by the fact that Mila and I really started harassing each other in sisterly antics at that time and Paul happily took to scolding me for things like “internet hair pulling.”
By the time that we had our cabin visit my desire to play in this way exploded. Still keeping in mind the principles which Pandora and I had identified, I spent the whole time messing around. Sometimes when I wanted to be spanked (which was most of the time) I would just directly (although very coyly) ask for it. Usually, though, I expressed this want by doing slightly naughty things: climbing on the furniture when there was a sign that said I couldn’t, replacing the sign with another one which said I could, naming a chair after Mila and kicking it, opening a desk drawer while I was sitting on his lap at the desk, finding a piece of chalk and using it to draw on the back of his black shirt et cetera. Usually, these things were met with playful, often affectionate spankings that had the “you’re a naughty girl” type of attitude but were ultimately just-for-fun. They were hard enough, mind you, but I only ever felt enough like I was in trouble for it to be exciting, not to tap into that set of emotions discussed before.
Occasionally, these scenes were more physically severe. One day, after the chalk had been taken away, I opened the same drawer during the same sort of cuddle to find a few paperclips, which I clipped to Paul’s shirt collar. Seeming unamused (in a way that I could tell was not genuine displeasure) he called it “abuse of stationary”. I called this “bogus.” He produced a hairbrush. First, though, he pulled me over his lap on the sofa and spanked my bottom quite hard with his hand, then he moved on to smack the backs of my thighs. It was hard and thorough, and he was stern and strict with me. I was crying quite earnestly by the time that he had finished with my thighs, but he still continued to get the hairbrush and apply it quite effectively as well. I was a mess of tears when it was done, and in a certain way, I felt legitimately contrite, even though I hadn’t done anything. It was like I had the relief and security of having been punished without any of the most unenjoyable parts of it, as I knew Paul wasn’t actually disappointed in me for wasting paperclips. The spanking was followed with the same snuggles that would come after a real punishment spanking, and I was left feeling blissful and loved.
Now that we’re living together, play punishment is a rather big part of the daily routine that Paul and I have developed. Sometimes it’s a quick and lighthearted spanking for something like walking outside barefoot and getting leaves all over my feet (which was delivered in the backyard, by the way. Oh the embarrassment!) and other times it’s more emotionally intense and physically severe, like the paperclip scene. Still other times, we engage in roleplaying just-for-fun, but with a punishment scenario (such as a scene where when Paul went away to find something to spank me with, I hid in the other room’s closet and might have at least gotten away with it for a few minutes if my cat hadn’t sat himself down in front of the door and meowed loudly until Paul came and dragged me out).
Ultimately, play punishment is now up there with “reaffirmative” for my favorite day-to-day style of spanking. Besides just being fun, it also opens up the door to a lot of possibilities. For example, I feel horrible about myself if I don’t take a real punishment spanking well. If I protest, or move out of position, or make too big of a fuss I just feel terrible inside afterwards, like I didn’t properly atone for the original misdeed and I’m still being a disappointment (note: I’m not made to feel this way. It’s just residual insecurity). During a play punishment, though, I can happily enjoy thrashing around, resisting, protesting, shouting “No! No! No! No!” and otherwise doing everything in my power not to take my spanking well. It’s delightful to be overpowered, to have my protests fall on deaf ears and to be MADE to take the rest of it. It’s also wonderfully exciting to play with non-consensual themes during roleplay which I obviously wouldn’t be exploring in any other way. There’s something invigorating and yes, sexy (gasp!) about that. ♥
I’ll have a real post for you before the weekend is over, but I wanted to let you know that I’ve done some site maintenance. The following changes have been made:
I still need to do another Cast of Characters page update. In the past, I’ve had a couple of people with hurt feelings because they didn’t appear on the cast page. I’m super sorry about this if I’ve left you off. I never intentionally ignore someone here. While I do, occasionally simply forget to include someone, it’s more likely that you simply hadn’t appeared in the narrative yet when I last did my update. This is currently NOT up to date and will get there… eventually. (I’m no longer making time-based promises about when stuff will get done, aside from my two updates per week)
I want this blog to be easy to read, visually appealing and well laid out, so I welcome any feedback about these updates, or other changes you’d like to see.
I usually don’t post links to individual posts that I enjoyed like some bloggers do, but I’ve gota couple things for you to check out, if you’re interested. 🙂
This is all for now. More coming soon!♥
I find it tremendously difficult to write about spanking parties after the fact.
So. Much. Happens. It’s hard for me to tell what things are interesting and worth writing about and what things are needless details. It’s also unfortunate that I never really get around to writing about them as soon as they happen, as I tend to have quite the backlog. So, I’ll do the best that I can. If I don’t mention a fond memory that I shared with you there, please don’t be hurt. It probably means a lot to me, too.
The first thing that I clearly remember about Thursday of BBW was Richard Windsor‘s pool party. I was full of bounce and excitement that afternoon, and I spent lots of time with Pandora again, making up for all the time that we had been apart. We splashed around in the pool a bunch, and later moved into the world’s biggest hot tub*. Here, I ran into my friends Korey and James Johnson (of Stormy Night Publications) and we got to catch up. I hadn’t seen them since July, and we had lots to talk about, including reminiscing about a most ridiculous night at CCM and, once again, discussing How To Have Two Concubines For Five Dollars A Day®. Korey and I engaged in lots of girl talk, which continued out of the pool and into the changing room. Eventually, Pandora had someplace to be so she took off, and I got dressed and headed out of the pool.
|I actually wore jeans at a spanking party. No one died. Amazing!|
I wandered off somewhere and ran into my friend BradD. Brad and I had known each other for a long time over the internet, and he’s always been really kind and supportive towards me. We’d hung out briefly at other parties, and he was meant to go to my cabin party but unfortunately fell ill and couldn’t make it. As things went, we had never played together. Now seemed like as good a time as ever, so we headed up to his room. We chatted a bit more before things moved rather seamlessly to me being over his lap. I hadn’t played yet at this party, and Brad was very kind about warming me up gently, first spanking me over my jeans. I don’t get spanked over jeans often, since I much prefer to run around in skirts at parties, but I do very much like the feeling of it. There’s basically no stinginess and just the feeling of impact, which is very similar to the way that my mind interprets spankings once I’ve falled into a subspace type mental state. Because of this association, the “over the jeans” spanking made me very passive. Soon, though, Brad had me get up and he took my jeans down before returning me to position, where he commented that he liked my underwear. That’s always points in my book right there. He then spanked me over it, and I was quite surprised by the difference. His hands are big and firm, and he was very effective at spanking with them. I squirmed a bit, but my attitude was mostly giggly, as we were both in very high spirits and he was simply spanking me because we both enjoyed it, and we both enjoyed each other. I love a huge variety of types of spankings, but there’s something very pure about that type. We do the thing because we love the thing.
When the spanking was completed, I felt simultaneously properly warmed up to play for the rest of the party and delightfully close to Brad. It really was ideal. Unfortunately I didn’t get to see much more of him for the rest of the party, so I was glad that we got that time, and it started things on the right foot for me.
Shortly after I left Brad’s room, I got a text from Lucy letting me know that she and Stephen had arrived and were in their room. Lucy and I had been texting while we were both in New York, but our schedules hadn’t lined up (largely because of my running around) so I hadn’t seen her since I left her and Paul’s house in England nearly a month ago. I headed up to their room and had hugs, plus the showing off of fancy fabric that Lucy had purchased in the garment district and the return of all the stuff I had left in England because it didn’t fit in my suitcase, despite Lucy’s nigh godlike packing ability. It was very nice to catch up with her and Stephen, as I’d missed being around them since I left England. From there, I think I went to see The Bad Alex, Latte and Josh, but I’m not clear on this order of events in the least anymore. I know that I did get to see them, and that I told Latte that I was pleased to meet her, as I do every time I see her, since the second time that we hung out I was half drunk and another half asleep and temporarily had no memory of our first meeting. It was good to see her and Alex again, though, and immediately I got up to mischief with them. It was also lovely to meet Josh, as we’d corresponded online for quite some time, and he was really, truly nice in person. I also got to meet a girl named Feisty, who clearly lived up to her name. 🙂
I’m usually really quite good. Really, I am. At one point, though, when Josh started spanking someone, I decided that some of the implements in the room were just to mean for the public eye, so I hid a couple of them.
No one noticed that I did it. That’s the benefit of usually being so good: people don’t watch you as closely.
I then texted Alex from across the room to let her know that I’d been up to something already, and she swore up, down and backwards not to tell if I told her what I’d done. Because I trusted her, I did. Instantly, she threw me under the bus. INSTANTLY. She didn’t even give me time to get my fingers off my phone’s keyboard. What a “great friend.”
“Hey Josh! Alex hid your cane.” Alex said. I was shocked and appalled, and sheepishly returned it. Of course, I got whacked with it. That’s how this works. That doesn’t mean I didn’t protest, and most of my angst was about what a horrible, lying tattletale Alex is (like a lot of my friends, it seems).
[Dear Bad Alex: fuck you. Love, Good Alex.][There is a message to Bad Alex in invisible ink there. Don’t read it if you think that I should be nice to my friends on the internet.]
I think it was after this that we went down to the Burger Bar area for registration and hanging out, where I got to see a bunch more people that I was quite excited about. I spent that entire portion of the evening flittering around from group to group, trying to see everyone and catch up. Finally, YS texted me that he and ellee had arrived, and I literally ran to the room number he had sent. There were hugs and very quick cuddles, as it was approaching an event that they needed to be at. It was lovely to see them. They’re some of my favorite people.
The rest of the night was kind of a blur. There was a mass spanking of several of my friends for some sort of prank that I wasn’t entirely aware of, but which was very entertaining to watch. It was especially visually appealing to watch the portion that involved YS spanking Beth, as YS is a joy to watch while he’s hitting woman. He moves his body in a way that looks strong and powerful, and he has a smug look of satisfaction on the entire time. After the event was over, the group dispersed and I don’t really remember what I did, but I’m sure it involved running around and probably getting spanked. As the evening drew on, Pandora mentioned that she wanted to spank me before she went to bed so I climbed over her lap. She was wearing the most ridiculously wonderful dress ever, which she had purchased while we were on the boardwalk earlier in the day (I just don’t remember when that was). It was low cut and tight to her body and made her ass look perfect. I hadn’t been able to keep my hands off her all night. It was very nice to lie over her lap while she was dressed this way. And by “very nice” I mean “it was hot.” Pandora spanked me with her hand while I giggled and moaned over he lap, and I felt very nicely connected to her. As Pandora noted in her post, it was only made less than perfect by a bystander commenting about how cute it was that there were two little girls spanking each other. Shut up. This is serious business. Well, maybe not, but it’s still no less serious than any one else’s play, and certainly not something to patronize us over.
As the night wore on and I was getting tired for bed, YS decided that it was time for him to “get me,” much to my delight. Not so much to my delight, he had found a cracker barrel type paddle (I think) that was one of the most evil things I’ve ever met in that manner. He bent me over a spanking bench and began to spank me with his hand first, and then with this horrible thing. As usual, he spanked me hard. As usual, I wailed and cried. I felt a bit odd about doing this with people around, especially since PTL had previously been asleep on the sofa pretty close to where my face ended up being, but eventually I lost myself in it. At times, I felt myself panic, tighten, feeling unable to take it but YS reassured me in his usual way: “You’re okay. You’re a sweet girl” and this softened me up to take more. When he finally stopped, I felt swollen and bruised (although I didn’t really look too much worse for the wear, due to my body’s natural magic these days) and we shared a cuddle. I also felt sleepy. Tremendously sleepy. It was late. So I headed off to bed, looking forward to another day of adventures. ♥