It’s not a secret: I cry from spankings a lot. There are videos of me crying available from Spanking Court, Assume the Positions Studios, and Lily Starr Spanking. I talk about it here all the time, too, and I’ve posted about it on various fetlife threads from time to time. So it isn’t surprising that one of my friends sent me a message asking me for more insight into my ability to cry. This is the second time that I’ve been inspired to respond to a question in the form of a blog post, because my thoughts organized themselves so well that I figured that others might enjoy reading my insights as well.
There are several different ways in which a spanking can make me cry. I can break my crying during a spanking down into several categories:
*Crying fueled by regret for bad behavior.
This is one of the more common forms of crying from a spanking in general, and the psychology of it is very straight forward. This takes place during disciplinary spankings. In my opinion, if a spankee is in this mindset and that is not the intended atmosphere of the spanking, then something is wrong. Either the top has not communicated the intended purpose of the spanking effectively or the bottom is dwelling on previous or otherwise unaddressed bad behavior. This is the easiest way for me to cry during a spanking, although it is rarely ever particularly difficult.
The atmosphere of a disciplinary spanking keeps my mind focused on my wrong-doing and just how unenjoyable it is to be punished. This atmosphere makes me extremely vulnerable and therefore makes my experience of the spanking much more physically painful. For me, a spanking serves this purpose most effectively if it is delivered either very sternly or, in certain situations, harshly. What’s the difference? To me, a “stern” delivery is very calm and controlled, with some level of formality, but unbendingly serious. A “harsh” delivery involves some expression of annoyance (as opposed to just displeasure) and is a bit “gruffer”: there might be some raising of the voice or rougher shoving back into position. It’s the difference between “Bare your bottom and get in position” and “get your pants down and get over my lap RIGHT NOW!” The latter is generally more effective if the offense which has earned me the punishment is related to my attitude, just because it’s more jarring and it makes it much harder for me to keep feeling sorry for myself. 😛
Either way, the creation of this atmosphere makes me vulnerable and receptive, and it makes me most contrite and regretful, and therefore brings me to tears very quickly.
*Crying fueled by stress relief/emotional release.
This is the kind of crying that happens when I get that feeling that I just need a good spanking. This happens when I feel like I’ve been keeping things inside myself, or I’ve been struggling hard with something, or life has been wearing me down. These spankings have always been most effective for me i they begin with sternness until I reach the point where I’ve begun to cry and then the tone becomes more affectionate. Again, this is about being vulnerable: in this case, the spanking is effective because I allow myself not to fight against it (or, if I cannot do such a thing on my own, to break me down) and instead use it to push everything out. I originally imagined that a stress relief style spanking would be calm and soothing, but I discovered with experience that it works best for me when it’s merciless, hard and long. A good example of this sort of spanking can be found in the story told in the last couple of paragraphs of this post.
*Crying fueled by relief.
This is a different kind of relief than stress relief. It’s relief that a long anticipated spanking is finally happening. This sort of tears is generated by a spanking that is usually very connecting, reaffirmative and filled with caring. Alternatively, these tears can be part of the reason I cry during a long awaited punishment. The point is, I’m moved to tears by the feeling that I’m back where I belong and that I’ve obtained something that I’ve long desired, or that some sort of waiting period has ended. My first spanking was the ultimate example of this: I was overcome with the most extreme relief I’d ever felt, since the burden of waiting for my first spanking was finally lifted from me. These tears are very happy, and filled with satisfaction.
|Photo by Assume the Position Studios|
*Crying fueled by submission or surrender.
Some bottoms talk about subspace- going off into some floaty, magical, trance-like, trippy state from getting a very hard beating which pushes them towards submission. They sink into the bed, they stop feeling pain, they float on endorphines, they get high, they can’t talk properly…
This doesn’t happen for me (although it did once). I’m a very cerebral person, and I’m uncomfortable letting go of my awareness. Instead, when I’ve been pushed to a place where I cease my fighting, I get to a point of submissive crying. It’s a calm sort of sobbing where there’s no urgency in the sound. I’ve given myself over to the spanking that I’m receiving and I have no will regarding when it will end. It’s certainly not as exciting to talk about, or as filled with mystery and intrigue as traditionally described subspace is, but the land of my submission is just a place where I lie still and take a lot of hurt and cry about it. It probably sounds pretty pathetic to a listener, and it doesn’t feel “good” in a traditional sense, but it’s a very peaceful place where I feel incredibly safe and loved.
*Crying fueled by physical pain.
What’s that?! It’s kind of taboo in the spanking community to admit that crying happens because a spanking hurts, but for me, yeah, that happens. I know that the fact that it’s a safe environment where I’m engaging consensually in something that I love and that I’m allowing to make me vulnerable plays a part in it, but even with amazing atmosphere and the best, most loving connection between me and my Top (so, when Malignus is spanking me), I’m going to get to crying much more quickly from a hard paddling than from a hand spanking. It’s not like I cry because things hurt in my non-spanking life (except for the occasional migraine) so it’s clearly not all about the physical pain, but I won’t deny that a harder, faster paced, longer spanking (that is to say, one which hurts more) will be far, far more likely to bring me to tears.
Interesting post. i am one of those people who have a hard time crying, for any reason. i don’t cry often during a spanking. When i do, it’s usually either crying from regret for bad behavior, or crying from physical pain. Like you, i don’t think it’s the pain alone that makes me cry…it’s the feeling of helplessness, vulnerability, and desperation that a really hard, fast, intense spanking gives me. Crying does provide a release, and i wish i could cry a little easier!
Thanks for sharing your experience! Maybe over time you’ll come to cry more easily if you found ways to focus on the vulnerability. Maybe not. We’re all different. 🙂
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awesome and insightful post. Here’s to breaking taboos of the spanking community with honesty. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks! Let’s break those taboos down!
Very cool post. Most spankees admit having difficulty crying from a spanking. There’s definitely a guilty pleasure in seeing tears on video. You do it very well 🙂
Thanks a lot! It shouldn’t be a guilty pleasure. 🙂
This is a great post. It covers so much territory and it’s wonderful to get the insight into how this happens for you on such an intimate level. Happy tears to you!
Thank you! I shall cry many more tears in the future. 😀
Great post, thanks for sharing. I don’t find that crying from sheerly the physical pain is “taboo” necessarily, but it is less likely for me personally than many of the other reasons you explained. I’ve cried very few times from a spanking, but the times I have it was very connected with my headspace in that moment and the connection I felt with the top in particular.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t handle physical pain well. I’m a total wuss, lol. I’ve cried many times when I’ve sprained an ankle and even got one of those fucking under the nail papercuts. But for whatever reason, spanking just doesn’t usually bring that out.
Interesting! That’s sort of the opposite for me. I’m always fascinated by the differences between spankos and the variables that make us unique.
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My tears generally come from release. I can sometimes actually physically feel the heaviness move up my chest and out of my body in tears! But it takes quite a bit of being overwhelmed to get me to that point!
Interesting about feeling the heaviness moving in your chest. I’ve never experienced that.
I just found your blog through Spanking Blog, and was clicking the ‘noteworthy posts’ when I looked at this one. Thank you! I plan on showing this to my husband, because I have a hard time talking about the emotions behind wanting to be spanked and the fact that I like being brought to tears – he’s of the opinion that tears mean something’s wrong no matter how many times I stumble through trying to explain otherwise.
I’m so glad that my post was helpful to you! That really made my night to hear. Thanks so much for commenting. 🙂
What an incredibly well written and thoughtful website, and in particular this post. You have described very clearly many of the true dynamics of any relationship that includes spankings between a dominant and submissive. In that I am a male submissive in a very loving female-led-marriage, there are some obvious differences between your sub-world and mine, but I wanted you to know that I do connect with in many other similarities.
I’ve been into spanking a very long time. My wife has been spanking me for over 30 years. I had never cried during a spanking until a little over a year ago. We were about a day away from home on a very long cross country trip. I was exhausted and maybe a little crabby. The room had a nice desk, just perfect for bending over. We had both bathed and were ready for bed when my wife pulled out her little round oak paddle. I bent over the bed, she pulled my underpants down and started really waring my butt out. It really hurt and I was so tired. Before I knew it I was crying. Once the spanking was over we cuddled up in bed and I was dead to the world.
Thanks so much for sharing your story!
I liked this blog a lot for its thoughtful categorisation. I’ve been spanking women of all ages for nearly 40 years. In my experience only about 10% actually cry or sob. The others tell me that displaying great stoicism and bearing the pain is a way that they demonstrate strength in their submission. As you say, everyone is different but I thought some statistics based on my experience would be of interest.
Everyone is different, indeed! In the imperial evidence that I’ve gathered over the years (through watching others get spanked and the conversations I’ve had with other spankees) I would say that about 50% of them have cried from a spanking at least once, but that the percentage that cries regularly, frequently or often out be around 10%.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience!
It was once said by someone wiser than myself, that suffering makes the heart grow more sincere. Like so many males my age, I repress a lot!! of anger. Think a cry might do me good?
It probably would! I know it helps me!