Yesterday was a pretty big day in the house of Malex. (Malex? Malignus + Alex. We made this up during my first visit here when we wanted to name a spreadsheet of our expenses and it kinda stuck. You’re welcome.) Several important things happened. First of all, my (somewhat controversial) post on Tuesday generated a lot of traffic: I reached 592 hits, my highest number in a day ever. Talking about traffic is always a little awkward, because, like talking about how long of a spanking one took, it’s entirely relative to the number of hits one was used to getting previously (HA!). As a frame of reference, I usually get between 200 and 300 page views per day, so this was nearly double that. It pleased me quite a bit.
Secondly, and perhaps more excitingly,
On Monday, Malignus spent the night out of town and I played through part of the second to last dungeon out of my own free will (after I finished eating nachos, Sour Patch Kids and strawberry ice cream for dinner).
On Tuesday, I beat the second to last boss without ever dying, then started the final dungeon. I was clearly getting better .Yesterday, I sat down and finished the ENTIRE REST OF THE GAME. I only died one time when beating the final boss, too. I was super proud of myself for this. In fact, I was almost pissed off that the game had gotten so easy for me right when it was over. Why wasn’t I always this good at it? Lame.
Malignus was clearly proud of me, too. When he got home yesterday, I asked for a spanking to reward me for my hard work. He decided that the most appropriate thing to do would be to beat me with the cable to the Nintendo 64 controller. As hilarious and awesome as that sounded, I was a bit concerned about this idea, for I have heard stories of people being hit with cords and cables that never seem to end with “AND IT WAS AWESOME.”
I know it doesn’t look like much, but holy crap, the cable hurt! I was rolling around on the bed and shouting “I DON’T LIKE THIS! JUST SO YOU KNOW, I DON’T LIKE THIS!”It was not just stingy, it was bitey. Every swat nipped at me. I was totally laughing while crying out though. Too ridiculous.
|My signature scrunchy face|
But, with Ganondorf defeated, peace returned to Hyrule AND my bottom made properly sore, one might think that this story was over. That said, have you ever heard a story from me which just ended when it was supposed to? Of course not! That would be far too convenient and against my luck’s better judgement.
Malignus decided that the only appropriate thing for me to do after having beaten the hardest and most frustrating video game that I’ve ever played in my life was to START PLAYING IT AGAIN FROM THE BEGINNING. I can’t make this stuff up. I seriously considered throwing a giant fit, but A) I’m an adult, B) Malignus is scary and C) I *did* just complain about how it had gotten easy, so I suppose I could live with running through it quickly. So after dinner and with my bottom still sore from the congratulatory beating, I was back in my place in front of the TV, controller in hand.
The problem was, this time I was playing with stricter standards. These do make considerable sense: I’m not learning how to play anymore, so it kind of follows that if I’m dying, I’m just not putting any effort into things. I get it. It’s for my own good and stuff: I just didn’t particularly enjoy it when Malignus made it a rule that every time I let a particular (easy to beat) enemy hit me in the game, he smacked me on my thigh. My bare, inner thigh. In the same place. When I finished the first section of the game, my leg looked like this:
So that’s the end of the story, right? Wrong!
Malignus went into the other room to talk to some other girl on the phone, and I thoroughly iced my poor pathetic thigh while complaining to Ami and anyone else who would listen to me about how much it hurt. When Malignus returned, I made sure to let him know how sore I still was. He responded with “That makes me want to hit you again” and a wicked, sadistic smile.
I shook my head vigorously. “But I’ve just iced it! You can’t hit me when my leg is all iced and cold! Doooooooon’t!” (I’m know, I know. I sometimes toss my dignity to the wind.)
He told me to stand up. I’d changed into my pajama pants while he was on the phone and he told me to come stand in front of him (he was sitting in a chair) and pull my pants down, which I did. He then told me to sit down on the floor facing him, which I also did. “Is it appropriate for you to tell me what to do?” he asked in a dangerously serious voice. When spoken to with that tone, it’s a struggle for me to maintain a full voice. I managed to get out a “No, Sir” without sounding ALL THAT pathetic. Then he smacked my leg again, MUCH harder than he had been doing before. I started to cry, because it hurt like crazy and I’m a total weakling when it comes to the thighs, and I scooted over to where he was sitting and put my head on his lap. He stroked my hair for a moment as I quieted.
He then decided that the best thing to do was to put capsaicin cream on it. I had promised on his birthday not to protest against capsaicin anymore, so I got up and brought it to him. I then spent the entire rest of the night being sad about how much it hurt. Christ, it’s really the worst thing. At best, it makes you unable to avoid feeling the fact that you’ve been spanked. At worst, it feels like you’re going to die by being immolated. It kind of went back and forth between those extremes for the rest of the evening.
Story is still not over.
Now, the other day, Malignus discovered an implement which I had brought back with me from New Jersey which had been previously ignored in favor of heavier artillery. It’s a small, lightweight bamboo spoon. It really doesn’t weigh anything, but it has a good sized spanking surface. I call it “Panda Food” because of the bamboo handle.
On Tuesday night, Malignus gave me my nightly spanking with it and I was extremely surprised by just how awful it was. The thing just. stings. There’s no other way of putting it: there’s no weight to it, and therefore it’s the least thuddy thing I’ve ever been spanked with (even less than a plastic hairbrush). I shudder just thinking about it. I think that many spankees prefer thud because it’s very gratifying– you really can tell that you’ve sustained a heavy impact and it makes you kinda feel like a BAMF. Sting is just surface pain, there’s none of that long, sustained throbbing that comes from the body recognizing injury afterwards. It’s superficial. But it hurts like a total bitch. Malignus has been sure to point out to me that because it causes no real damage, I could be spanked with this spoon all day without any detrimental effects. Except, you know, insanity.
After I spent a while trying to enjoy Star Trek TNG despite the fact that I was in various states of agony, Malignus decided that he wanted to hit me on the thigh AGAIN and that this time, he wanted me to bring him the aforementioned spoon. I was hesitant to do so, but did not protest. Again, I bared my thigh, and this time I buried my face in a pillow. The pain of it made my head explode, pretty much. He hit me more than once, and I found myself rolling around and freaking out. I became so not concerned with my surroundings that I hit my head into the wall a bit, but I didn’t even care. Somehow, I found myself curled up in Malignus’ lap sobbing while he comforted me and reminded me that he loved me and that I’m a very good girl. I know it sounds horrible, and it was, but at the same time, I loved it. I loved how happy indulging his sadism made him. I love being pushed that far. I loved that I had (mostly) accepted something that I hate. Lying there while I regained my calm, I found myself in this sort of otherworldly state of comfort– entirely spent, but the vacant space where all the fight in me had been was filled with a warm and enjoyable sense of comfort.
I really hope you aren’t bored yet. Because there’s more.
Eventually, it became bedtime and therefore, time for me to receive my spanking. Malignus asked me if I still wanted one, but that’s kind of a dumb question. I always want a spanking. Unfortunately, he decided to use that stupid spoon again. I cried from pretty much the start of it because, as previously mentioned, the fight in me was all used up. It hurt like hell and it was a very satisfying and relieving cry. When he’d finished and I’d pulled up my underwear (I’d given up on pajama pants at some point) he decided to give me a good smack on either hand. When those were both done, he grabbed my left hand again and tapped the spoon against my palm. I prepared myself for it, but instead, he hit me on the inside of the elbow. UGGGGGGGGGH! Finally, the night finished up by him grabbing my welted and bruised thigh as hard as he could. Just the grabbing made me burst into tears a final time. This pleased him a great deal, and he laughed and hugged me, obviously very satisfied with himself.
So that was my day yesterday! I kind of want a t-shirt that says “I beat Zelda and all I got were these lousy bruises.”
Merry Christmas, everyone! I’m on holiday until the 3rd, which means that I’ll hopefully get a lot written and stored for your enjoyment in the coming weeks. I hope everyone has been enjoying whatever they celebrated.
For my, celebrations began with Malignus’ birthday on the 22nd. HeatherFeather and I had a bunch of fun preparing things: we blew up a billion black and red balloons and filled the house with them, got him some gifts and a cake and made a most delicious dinner. The cake was pretty much the best part, though: it’s so him:
You can see from this photo that another spoon was obtained. That was from HeatherFeather, with the condition that only I get hit with it. Because, you know, THAT’S fair. The spoon is from the same series as Warren, and the couple of whacks I got with it make it obvious that it isn’t going to be my best friend.
On the right side of the table, you’ll see a tube of Capzasin that I bought out of my own free will. Don’t freak out. I’m not insane, I promise.
Well, maybe a little. Or it’s just that whole thing with the lack of self preservation.
Doing that meant a lot for me in terms of submission, because I hate it pretty much more than any other thing. Just say the word and my face gets sad (the other night, I got scrunchy faced over the word “capsized” in a video game :P). That said, I’ve been trying to strike a balance between enjoying the fear that comes with partnering with a sadist and knowing that what happens to me is largely outside of my control and not getting irrationally terrified of anything and creating undue anxiety for myself. My feelings towards Capzasin were way too far over onto the side of irrational fear, and it seemed like an appropriate and beautiful thing to do to give up my protesting and indulgence of fear and take solace in not having control. I even ASKED FOR IT the other night, although I did a horribly pathetic job of it. I was snuggling after a spanking and I wanted to ask, even though I really, really did not want to receive it, just because I wanted to be able to accept it and be relaxed about it. I kept sighing as I tried to and failed, and after prompting I finally got the question out in that dumb, quiet, monotone voice. He said no, which made me incredibly happy. Usually getting myself psyched up over something and having it not happen is displeasing, but this worked out well. I’m hoping that next time it comes up, I’ll be able to remember my active part in things and that doing so will allow me to move more easily into submission. Hopefully someday soon, I’ll be able to ask for unpleasant things in a voice that gives the seriousness due to the situation (that is, not being excessively nonchalant) but which isn’t “um uh excuse me could I please… have that thing?”
I know that some people think that’s torture-horrible and should never be done, but it’s important to remember that, like a lot of things that are truly unpleasant, (like my nylon cane, or my lexan paddle, or thigh spanking at all) it serves a purpose within my relationship and I have, despite my dislike of it, I get something quite noteworthy from it in terms of submission.
Anyway, on Malignus’ birthday he gave us his birthday spankings. I was always pretty sure that those were supposed to be kind of light and fun, but Malignus gave HeatherFeather and I his with an acrylic cane. >_< It was fun, however, because it was the first time that HeatherFeather and I got spanked side by side, and that made the experience far more enjoyable. He did, however, hit me really, really hard 30 times (29 for his birthday, and 1 on my thighs because I said I was “fine” at the end when Heather asked instead of talking about how sore I was :P).
A few minutes later, I somehow got myself into a situation where I had the front of my thighs caned. He’d done it to another one of my friends one time, but never to me (although he’d hit me there with Jenny and lots of times with his hand) and the other day he hit HeatherFeather there twice. Heather had told me to ask him to do it to me, and because I have NO SENSE OF SELF PRESERVATION WHATSOEVER and will always say “Okay!” to something horrible that Malignus wants to do to me for “fun” I agreed and asked him to.
Holy cow, that hurts. The first two were pretty bad, and then I was matched with Heather. Then he asked me if I wanted as many as he’d given my other friend, and I said yes. The next two made me sob. It was incredibly hard to have what was happening be right in front of me: the psychological factor is 99 percent of things for me, and the sight and sound of an implement in motion have been known to make me gasp or cry out even if they never hit me. Knowing that those strokes were destined for a very sensitive part of my body was incrediscary. When those two were done, he asked me if I wanted one more, so I’d have done more than everyone else, which is just mean, because he knew that there’s no way I could say no to that. I had a hard time submitting to that last one, though, especially when he tapped it between two existing welts. I had to hide my face in a pillow. I was disappointed in myself for not being particularly submissive for the last stroke, but I know I’ll have other chances and I can just use that as a push to be awesome in the future.
The marks looked like this when it was over:
The side where the cane ended was incredibly more sore than the “near” side, which healed up quite nicely. The feeling of unevenness was really weird and awkward. It bothered me so much that I asked Malignus to even things out, but he refused because it amused him on a sadistic level.
I really, really enjoy being a vessel for sadism. I can enjoy playing with tops who are not sadistic as long as they truly love spanking, but there is really nothing that warms my heart more than knowing that something is horrible simply for the purpose of his enjoyment. I know that I sometimes whine and pout about the agony, but it makes me feel loved and it makes me feel like I’m being unabashedly myself. On Christmas Eve, Malignus hit me with a dishtowel (seriously!) in such a way that it made me cry. The absurdity of it was funny, and he was very, very pleased with himself and as I was crying, I felt very loved and like something was extremely right. It’s a very hard thing for me to articulate, so I’ll work on it for another time.
By the end of the week, HeatherFeather had left our apartment, not to return for some time, we celebrated Christmas together and then, on Christmas Day, I flew out to visit my remaining family of origin. I’ll be here until next Tuesday. I had a hard time leaving, because I find my family of origin stressful, it’s a difficult time for them right now to begin with and because, quite frankly, I don’t like leaving Malignus. I am taking a lot of comfort in the fact that when the week is over, I’m going home to him instead of it being that I visit him for a week and then leave. I imagine that coming back after the trip is going to make it feel even more home-like to me, and that’s a very nice idea.
My cousin was recently engaged, but she’s spending the holidays apart from her fiance, as they’re both with their families of origin in different states. She showed off her ring at the dinner table and talked about how she liked having something that came from him and showed his love for her on her body and how it made her never feel without him. While everyone was saying “awww,” I silently lifted the hem of my skirt and gently poked at the welts and bruises on the front of my thigh ;).
When we left Colorado Springs, we were done with the most exciting segment of our adventures. There were no more friends to visit between there and my new home in South Dakota, and we had to cross the worst state ever: Wyoming.
If I have any readers who live in Wyoming, I apologize for hating your state, but I really, really do. And I understand how you feel getting your state hated on, because I am originally from New Jersey and pretty much no one likes New Jersey. But I have to say, Jersey is eighty five million times better than Wyoming. You know why? Because there are things in New Jersey.
There is NOTHING in Wyoming. We couldn’t play the Alphabet Game, because there weren’t even signs to get letters off of. I decided that it was the capsaicin of states: horrible agony, and you have no idea when it’s going to end.
Like all things awful, though, our trip through Wyoming did eventually end. We spent a night in Nebraska at a hotel, and then finished up the our driving the next day. From there, I got to work settling into my new life. It hasn’t been entirely easy, although it is quite simple, but it *has* been entirely rewarding.
I know this is incredibly late, but Malignus, HeatherFeather and I had our first Thanksgiving together. I made a turkey that was full of epic win:
as well as additional stuffing, rolls, mashed potatoes (which HeatherFeather made), pan gravy, asparagus, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and peach pie. I made the pie crusts from scratch without a rolling pin, because I’m a total BAMF.
It was a delicious day, and I am truly thankful for my new life, for all the support my friends from coast to coast and beyond have given me, for the internet spanking community, for an amazing sister like HeatherFeather, and, of course, for Malignus. I have an amazing created family, a man I love and who loves me in return, a plethora of amazing friends all around the world, a home, safety, a job and food. I get to spend my free time with people I love doing things that I enjoy, learning, enriching others lives and getting my bottom thoroughly reddened. Basically, I have everything a spanko girl could want, and I really, really appreciate it. <3
Anyway, not to be upstaged by my culinary delights, Malignus made a turkey of his own (on my inner thigh):
The drawing was done by HeatherFeather, for Malignus does not draw cute animals, even when agony is involved :P.
I swear, when he hits me this way, I could probably go to a palm reader and have his fortune told by the marks on my thighs. It’s kind of fascinating. And horrible. Horribly fascinating? Why not? 😛
Now that I feel like I’ve finally gotten caught up on all the interesting or fun stuff which has happened recently AND been mushy, I can return to my regularly scheduled programing, so expect frequent updates with thought provoking insights and photos of my butt!
I’m back! For real this time!
I’m all settled in at my new home with Malignus in South Dakota. I finished the majority of my unpacking today. It looks a little odd to see my smiley, cute stuff in a place that I previously thought of as “his”, but I’m getting used to the idea of it as “ours.” HeatherFeather is still visiting with us: she traveled with us and has been helping me get settled in. She’s an amazing scene-sister: she supports me in ways that help me to grow and defeat problems, and she never fails to make me laugh hysterically. I’m going to miss her when she leaves on Monday >_<.
Because I’ve been away from the internet for a while, I have quite a few stories to share from my adventures. I’ll be taking a few days to get caught up with them, and then I’ll be back to posting things as they actually happen ;).
Things started in Los Angeles- HeatherFeather and Malignus arrived, and we spent the next two nights in a hotel. We had a few of the people I’ve become close to over for a play-party the first night. It was a ton of fun. I got spanked by one of my friends while he was wearing a panda suit, we ordered room service, Porcelain Ass abused everyone in sight with a sadistick (pure evil! I’m very glad we don’t own one!), and MaskofNormality presented me with a gift that he made me:
It’s ridiculously solid and really, really hurts on impact. It has beautiful craftsmanship, and I get kind of emotional over all the love and effort that went into its creation whenever I see it.
It’s okay for you all to say “AWWWW!”
I also got this great gift at the hotel party:
Because nothing says “I love you” like hand-shaped welts on the inside of your thighs. These were hard: the individual finger marks swelled up like cane-welts and the bruises were still hand-shaped four days later.
The next day was a little rough: I had a hard time saying “goodbye” to everyone at the final PTNG social, and packing the car was stressful. Princesstoy came over to the hotel room, because she didn’t make it to the party, and brought me an adorable bow that she hand made me. Malignus gave her a beating while I bantered with them, and then she got a course in advanced spanking technique using me as the learning dummy. Near the end of the evening, Malignus hit me with Princesstoy’s Evil Stick from Hell©, which, as expected, hurt a lot. I still maintain that it was not as bad as our stupid, extra thick lexan paddle, though.
On Sunday, we headed to Bizzarre Bazaar at Threshold after packing all my stuff up. It was the best way to end my time in LA: nearly all my friends from the scene came out, and I got smothered in hugs and affection. Bizzarre Bazaar is an anual event in which Threshold has vendors and “tasting booths” set up. The tasting booths allow you to learn more about or participate in a particular kink activity. In an indeed bizarre turn of events, I participated in three of these booths which had NOTHING TO DO WITH SPANKING!
First, I tried wax play:
That’s me! Alex Reynolds! Covered in wax! Unprecedented!
The wax play was extremely relaxing: it wasn’t painful at all and it just felt warm and snuggly on my back. It didn’t do anything for me (or even really feel kinky) but it was super nice, and I’d do it again for the “feeling good” factor.
Next, this happened:
That’s a needle. In my body.
The play-piercing experience was less relaxing than the wax play, by quite a bit. I’ve had my fair share of experience with needles in the past, but in every case they’ve either gone straight in and then straight out again, or they’ve gone through something and out the other side (when I got my ears and septum pierced back in the day). The whole “going into the skin” part wasn’t scary at all, and it didn’t hurt that much, but when it started to come out the other side, and I was aware that it was under my top few skin layers, I started to panic a bit. I hyperventalated a little, but the piercer was calming and Malignus was there with me (I would not have done it otherwise, I don’t think) and he was gently rubbing the back of my neck and playing with my hair and I quickly regained composure.
There were two booths set up which scared me a bit: the Violet Wand booth and the Fire Cupping booth. Violet Wand bothers me because of the noise: it reminds me of something of a non-consensual nature from my early life and I find it deeply unsettling. Malignus encouraged me to choose to associate it more with the sound of a tattoo gun, with which I have pleasant memories associated, and that did help quite a bit. Fire Cupping freaked me out because I have a fear of having my blood suctioned out of my body through my skin. I got this from some movie when I was a kid, I think, and it’s never left me. At first, I didn’t even want to look at the cupping while it was happening to other people. Malignus explained how it worked to me and reassured me that it wasn’t going to be horrible, and near the end of the day, I was willing to try it.
I’m not going to lie: I didn’t like it. It hurt in a weird way: especially the big one in the center. The one stayed on my back and kept hurting for a couple of days, too. I didn’t panic or freak out, though, but I think there was some whimpering happening. I was pleased with myself for doing it, though.
After the event was over, we said our final (nearly tearful) goodbyes and hit the road to Vegas.
To be continued tomorrow 😀