I haven’t written anything all month long.
This is one of my longer hiatuses. I have gotten a few concerned emails, asking if I’m alright, or if I’ve retired from blogging or something. I’m just fine, and I’ve certainly not gone away for good. I haven’t *meant* to go away at all. It’s just been difficult to update recently, due to a combination of circumstances.
The changes in my life sort of began in earnest several months ago when Malignus and I ended our romantic, and then later, our D/s relationship. At the time, I didn’t feel that I could write about it without being dramatic or excessively emotional, so I simply didn’t. It wasn’t a secret, obviously, but I didn’t feel that it was appropriate to sit down and write a big post about how we’d split up. The process was obviously not easy, but it was ultimately the right thing to do.
Additionally, and un-relatedly, YS and I have recently decided to end our D/s dynamic. We’ve grown and changed as people, and our dynamic was no longer serving the same purpose that it originally did. The dynamic had become punctilious, and more of a formality than anything else as we both developed in different directions.
SF is currently taking a hiatus from the scene because a horrible personal tragedy befell him recently, and it’s taking a long time for him to recover from it (quite understandably). I know he’ll eventually be back, and he knows I’ll be there when he is! PTL and I have a horrible combination of impossibly busy schedules (hers much more extreme than mine!) and therefore have little time for bossing interactions these days. That was mostly just “for fun” anyway.
In the meantime, this means that my flowchart has become pretty straight-forward:
|Current Bossiness Flowchart|
As opposed to this, 9 months ago:
This didn’t happen by design. It’s just been a year of changes. Nothing’s quite as sure as change. There’s lots of room for off-chart bossing in my life, of course, and there’s a good handful of people that I choose to listen to when they tell me to do something.
There’s another very big change that’s happening in my life: I’m in the process of moving from Sioux Falls back to Los Angeles. It was time for that, and it just makes sense right now. Last week, Epipelagic came to visit and she helped me to pack ALL MY STUFF into boxes and space bags. Space bags are one of the greatest things of all time, by the way. Watching all the air get vacuumed out of the bags is extremely gratifying. Once everything was packaged, Epipelagic did most of the organization of my car. It nearly defies the laws of physics. She turned my car into a bag of holding. She’s a wonderful friend, by the way, and I’m so glad that I’ll be living near her again. I value our friendship so much, and I can’t wait to see how it grows and develops in the coming years.
Leaving Sioux Falls was hard. It’s never easy to leave a place where you lived, even if I was never truly suited for life in a small, Midwestern city like that. I’ll miss everyone that I got close to there very much. I realize that I didn’t have a very drawn out or formal goodbye process as I left. I can’t really say why that is– it just felt like leaving quietly was the most comfortable thing for me to do. The other day, I drove from Sioux Falls to Denver, where I had a few shoots before continuing on my way. Driving away from the place that had been my home for the past two years was difficult. I was dazzled by the beauty of the landscape as I passed into the part of the state that wasn’t so flat. The sun was shining through the clouds, and it would start to rain, but the rain never lasted long.
I’m in Denver for a few more days and then I’m going to Texas to see Mila, WYO and LLB, do more shooting and sessions and probably swim in the pool in my underwear some more, because that’s how I do. After that, Mila and I are going to drive from Dallas to Vegas, stopping in New Mexico to visit Heather Green for a bit, and in Phoenix and or Tucson for shoots on the way. Vegas, of course, will be Shadowlane, the superlative spanko gathering place! We’ll be heading to Los Angeles from there, where Mila will visit for a few days and then I’ll begin my new life there. It’s tremendously, amazingly exciting. I can’t wait. I love everything about the life that I’m going to have.
So, that’s the state of things right now. I’m ultimately in a very good place, and my life is only going to get better and better.
So, for the entire year of 2013, basically, I’ve been trying to get caught up on ALL my adventures and I’ve pretty much always been at least a month behind. I want to write about ALL of them. I want you to know everything. A lot has happened in the last six months. I traveled to Los Angeles, then I went to Las Vegas for the Fifty Freaks Party, from there I went to England and Holland on a month long adventure that changed my life forever. Following England, I attended Boardwalk Badness Weekend, spent a day in Kansas City doing whipping scenes for Whipping Films that tested my limits to the max, then headed to Texas to spend time with some of my favorite people. Later that same month, I went to Denver with Amoni, then for two weeks of precious alone time at a cabin in the mountains with Paul, then to Florida for the first time for the Florida Moonshine Tropical Beach Party. From there, my friend Morgan drove me and another friend, Stella, back to Texas, on a road trip through several states I’d never visited before. In Texas I had more adventures, hanging out with Mila, Ten, WearYouOut and LilLawBrat until it was time for the Texas All State Spanking Party. I came back to South Dakota after TASSP and hung out there for nearly a month, although I did head up to Minneapolis at one point to shoot for Bondage Mischief. Then last week I drove to Chicago for the Chicago Crimson Moon party. Now, I’m in Sioux Falls for the night and then heading to New York and Philadelphia.
There’s a flaw in this system. I want to tell you guys EVERYTHING exciting that happens. I want to share every shoot, every amazing scene with a friend, every adventure that I take off on, every moment where a spanking pushes me in some new direction and brings me closer to the goal of knowing myself. I would like to document every single spanking I get, period, if I could. I want to do this because I love these moments and I want to share them with you, and because I never want to forget them. At the same time, I want to write posts like this one or this one that aren’t part of the narrative: I have always referred to these when talking about what I’m going to write when as “theory posts.” I’ve even started to write spanking fiction again, and I might want to share that from time to time, too, if there’s an interest. Because I usually only post two to three times a week when I’m home and may go an entire week without posting (oops!) when I’m traveling and have limited internet access, there’s no way I’m ever going to get caught up at this rate. The last narrative post that I shared was about the first night that Paul and I arrived at the cabin. A lot of things happened when we were there. I could easily make twenty different posts about adventures, experiences, scenes and things I learned about myself in that time frame. This means that, at that rate, I’ll literally never be caught up, especially if I want to talk about things that aren’t related to “the story”.
Essentially, what I’m saying is that I have too many things to write about and I’m going to take a break from working through every single thing that happened. I’m going to skip ahead to Crimson Moon, write a series of posts about that and then write about what’s happening or has just happened at the time that I’m writing. This saves me a lot of stress, honestly, and makes my posts more topical. If there comes a time when my life ever dies down (HA!) I’ll go back and write about some of the favored memories from the past. In addition to blogging, I also journal privately, so it will be easy to adapt some of that for the public.
So, I’m going to take a deep breath and put those other adventures on hold. I’m also considering doing one post a week as a video blog, especially when I have a friend around. This would likely be in addition to my written posts. I’m curious to know how people actually feel about video blogging, though. Do people actually watch them? Would you rather just read stuff? Please share your thoughts and feels.
In the meantime, I’m continuing to update my tumblr after a hiatus. You can always use the “Ask Me Anything” button there to inquire about things you’d like to hear about. Additionally, you can leave questions in the comment section (whether or not they are related to the subject matter of the post) or email them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org . I think it’s important to have as much dialog as possible between me and whoever is reading this!
I’d also like to thank everyone who was supportive regarding my Pornography Rant. It’s become one of my top 5 most popular posts in just two weeks time, and I think this is hugely important. It’s one of the things I’ve written that I’m most concerned with people reading. So thanks to everyone who shared that.
I’m very sorry to bog this down with self-promotion, but I do still have one or two session and shooting openings when I’m in New York and Philadelphia. Hit me up via email if you want to be in on that. I’m hoping to have a wonderful trip.
You’ll hear about Crimson Moon SOON! Now I have to take a bath and pack and eat something for the first time today. Yikes. 0_0