So, there’s a meme going around where one lists 54 things which make them happy. I can honestly say I have NO IDEA why it’s 54 things, but I’m going to give this list a go. I think of myself as a very happy person, and I take pleasure in a lot of small things, so I can’t imagine this list being all that hard for me.
1) Paul obviously starts this list, since he’s the greatest source of joy in my life. ^_^
2) My cats, especially when they’re being snuggly, but even when they’re naughty.
3) Yellow flowers, especially roses.
4) Singing along to music while driving.
5) Huffing old books to get a good whiff of that smell.
6) Snuggly pajamas, especially with cute prints.
7) Excessive keychains and phone charms.
8) Clean white bed sheets.
9) Cuddly stuffed animals.
11) Skype dates with my friends who I can’t see often.
12) Lunch dates with those I’m lucky enough to be able to get together with!
13) This flowering vine which grows in the shape of a giant pink heart which I pass on the 101 on my way to Rafa’s house. Instant smile.
14) Good zoos (like the San Diego Zoo!)
15) Wearing short, flouncy dresses.
17) Hot chocolate with a giant pile of whipped cream on top (especially served to me after a spanking and before bed!)
18) Coloring, both in coloring books and freehand.
19) The soft feeling of a really well worn, favorite t-shirt.
20) Rubbing my face on just about anything soft. Weird? Kinda. Pleasurable? Extremely.
21) Wearing heels. I used to feel embarrassed about my height and now that I don’t, it’s a source of serious happiness.
22) Flowering trees.
23) Spotting an unexpected little chumbly animal.
24) Reading about bears. Because bears. ^_^
25) Really well executed Long Takes in film.
26) Discovering a new band and realizing how much I like it. (This literally just happened with “The Lightning Seeds.” So in love with this.)
27) That feeling deep inside you get when you hear a song you love but haven’t listened to in years.
29) Jumping on trampolines.
30) The ocean. The sound, the sight, the smell.
31) Collecting shells.
32) Academic discourse.
33) Learning about subjects I previously hadn’t studied and feeling my mind open.
34) New York style pizza.
35) Revolving sushi bars.
36) Lolita dresses.
37) Crystal doorknobs.
38) The very first time I put on a new lipstick.
39) Places that never change and take you back to another time in your life.
40) The handwriting of the people I love.
42) Sending care packages to people who I miss. I love selecting just the right things.
43) Playing out in the rain.
44) Daiso. Oh god, I like Daiso too much. It’s a Japanese dollar store with shops in America. I may have spent $80 there once. 0_0
45) White cotton panties.
46) Baths, especially with delightfully scented bathbombs or salts.
47) Hot tubs, especially with Christy Cutie!
48) Stealing away for a moment of privacy in a busy place.
49) Exploring a new airport during a layover. I don’t particularly like air travel, but I do find this extremely fun. Airports in other countries are doubly exciting.
50) Objects that hold lots of memories and meaning, like my shell necklace (which currently needs a new chain), my brother’s old flannel shirts and the pink sock that my neighbor found on the block where my childhood house used to be. Some of these things seem bittersweet, but they make me happy. They’re precious objects.
51) Baking and sharing the fruits of my labor.
52) Sweet, alcoholic party punch.
53) Watching panda videos online.
54) Curryhouse, my favorite restaurant!
57) Sudden and unexpected slow dancing.
58) Unusual, fruit flavored sodas.
59) Going to Cold Stone and getting all the fruits possible in the ice cream!
60) Economy of language in poetry that shakes me to the core.
62) Welsh Corgis
64) The smell of pine forests.
Oh. I was supposed to stop about ten happy things ago. Oops. Too much happy.
Have a great weekend, everyone! Be happy!
I’ve been trying to get through a ton of the adventures that I’ve had recently, and I find this kind of a struggle sometimes, just because I get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff that I have to write about and I want to get it done before anything else noteworthy happens, which means that I *certainly* want to get it finished and published before I leave for Chicago Crimson Moon. I’ve also recently gotten kind of addicted to using my tumblr, which is chock full of instant gratification and horribly distracting. -_-
I recently sat down and wrote a bunch of stuff at once, except that all of those posts are waiting on one thing or another that I need to get from other people. During this time, I had a skype date with my friend Peachy Keane (the girlfriend of my previous Dom, IG/scotchgrove, and a close friend of mine for several years). While we were talking I complained that I was feeling kind of burned out on what I was writing and I needed a break. She created this game for me, to give me a chance to write about stuff in short answers that’s at least moderately interesting (I hope!) but is easy and straight forward for me. I had fun with this, and I hope you have fun reading it. As always, if you have questions you want me to answer, you can leave them in the comments, email them to me at email@example.com or put them in my inbox on the above-linked tumblr. I do enjoy this stuff. 😀
Ten bands or musicians you listen to the most often:
According to my iTunes, it goes like this:
1) The Mountain Goats
2) The Smiths
3) The Clash
4) Jets to Brazil
6) Bright Eyes
7) Red Hot Chili Peppers
9) Nine Inch Nails
10) Smashing Pumpkins
I also listen to an awful lot of Smog, but I only ever really listen to one track by them, so that shouldn’t count. There are several bands like that. There are a ton of bands that I’ve gone through phases with, but these are the ones that I’ve listened to pretty constantly since college (which was nearly five years ago, because I’m ridiculously old now. -_-)
Nine positions you’ve been spanked in:
When I first saw this question, I almost insisted that Peachy change the position of this question to be a different number because I was pretty sure that there just *weren’t* nine spanking positions. Some creative thinking lead me to the following list, though. This list is in no particular order.
1) OTK, and variants
2) The “legs up” position.
3) Lying flat on bed, or over pillows.
4) Standing, unsupported, or with hands against wall.
5) Bent over in what’s meant to be the touching toes position, but I can’t actually do that.
6) Kneeling on all fours.
7) Standing on a raised object like a step ladder or a crate (this is my all time least favorite possible position, because I have a horrible fear of falling over while being spanked).
8) Bent over across some sort of furniture item.
9) The wheelbarrow position.
I then thought of a whole bunch more than nine positions, including lots of variants and I was rather pleased with myself.
Eight cities you’ve visited this year:
1) London, England
2) Las Vegas, NV
3) Los Angeles, CA
4) New York, NY
5) Atlantic City, NJ
6) Denver, CO
7) Daytona Beach, FL
8) Dallas, TX
That was kind of just a sampling. I’ve been to more than eight places this year. I’m a very lucky girl to get to do so much traveling. 😀
Seven things you’re looking forward to:
1) Hanging out with a friend tomorrow.
2) Fireworks exist, and I’m probably going to have them in my life soon.
3) My 26th birthday is on July 6th. Birthdays are always nice, although this isn’t a significant one.
4) Chicago Crimson Moon.
5) I’m specifically looking forward to a rather complex school girl roleplay that The Bad Alex, Jon83 and I have planned for that party.
6) Shadowlane. Anyone who isn’t looking forward to Shadowlane isn’t going to Shadowlane.
7) Going back to England in January.
Six things that weren’t your original kink but you discovered you enjoy:
1) Riding crops. I originally found these to fall into two different uncomfortable categories: things that felt really BDSM-y and things that I associated with animals. I still don’t find them visually appealing if just anyone is using them, and I don’t think they make sense in a lot of scene contexts. The cheap, sex-store type makes me go -_-, and I hate it when someone uses one like a cane with a little thing on the end, but I’ve found places where they fit into my kink well. Very well indeed.
2) Being held down. I still don’t really get into being bound, but I originally didn’t like to have ANYTHING keeping me in place besides myself. It was a pride thing. I wanted to be so super-well behaved that I was able to be still for anything (although this was at the same time in my life as I broke a lamp with my Pikachu slipper by sending it flying off my foot in a kicking frenzy, so I’m not always consistant). Once I got over myself (a little, let’s be fair here :P) I realized that I love the feeling of being manhandled into position and firmly held down, having my hand pinned to the small of my back, or my wrists pinned above my head, et cetera.
3) Resistance. Again, I originally wanted to give myself over to everything quietly and calmly. I later discovered that I can really get behind a scene where I protest and struggle and have to be beaten into submission every now and then, if it’s something my partner and I have pre-negotiated.
4) Getting hit on the front of my legs. This has become a huge kink for me, but originally I didn’t want anything to do with it. It felt weirdly inappropriate because it wasn’t on my butt.
5) Kneeling. I was at one point really uncomfortable with the idea of kneeling for any reason. It seemed way to BDSM-y for me, and I resisted the idea a lot. Bit by bit, I went from being comfortable with it to finding it to be wonderfully passive and soothing feeling, in the right context (and only once in a while).
6) Getting hit on the hands. Brain! Why did you even write that?! Horrible. Ugh. WTF, me! I don’t enjoy that. My brain can’t lie to me and say that I do, honestly.
Five spanking photos that don’t involve you that you have saved to your computer:
I originally didn’t want to answer this. I wanted to ask Peachy to give me a different question instead. This is one of the most tremendously vulnerable things that I think a person can ask me, and I’ll probably make an entire post about why at some point. These are the pictures which, over the years, I’ve felt the need to save to my computer to view again. I don’t really do that very often anymore, and my collection has constantly changed over the years because I’d get ashamed (or need the disc space) and delete them all. Here are the requisite samples, though:
|Another reason I felt weird about doing this is that I have NO IDEA of the source of some of my photos. I’m super sorry. If this photo is yours, or you know where it’s from, please let me know. I found and saved this photo fairly recently. The way both parties are dressed and the park bench setting work for me. I also really enjoy having faceless photos sometimes, because then I don’t have to think about someone I know, because honestly, I probably know at least something about most of the people who show up in mainstream spanking photos at this point.|
|This photo is from Girls Boarding School and it’s some years old, although not as old as some of the stuff I used to keep on my computer. I’m so sorry that I can’t ID the model. This really makes me feel sad.|
|I kind of picked a representative photo from this set from Northern Spanking at random, because I like literally all of it. It’s really visually pretty, and I have a crush on Paul. People consistently tell me that I can’t have a crush on someone anymore after they become my partner, but I so do. I see a photo of him and I smile and blush like a high schooler. This makes my life great, because I often run into pictures of him on the internet when I don’t expect to, and it always makes my day. I also run into pictures of him on my computer when I do expect to, because one of the ways that I manage missing him is by enjoying media containing him.|
|I’ve had a severity kink since always, but I think I may have been more interested in photos that showed girls looking really marked up, especially if they had marks on their thighs, before I started actually playing and in the early years of me getting spanked. I went through a period of time where severe marking was one of my biggest concerns in photo selection. This one from Pain Toy fit that niche a lot. This no longer really matters to me, because I know how marking works, that it isn’t really a sign of severity as it is about the girl being spanked’s body, and I know what filming is like. Now, I care a lot more about certain themes and aesthetics showing up in pictures and videos.|
|Except for sometimes, of course. This is what it looks like: it’s a screenshot from a video on Nimue’s World that I took on my phone. I recognize that this is probably super lame, but this is from my all-time favorite spanking video (entitled “I’ve Seen You” and involving Paul and Nimue), and I watch the hell out of it. I don’t think most people would expect this to be my favorite video, because it’s TREMENDOUSLY dark and I don’t talk about that part of my kink as often. I think the fact that I’ve done very little with this part of my kink in the real world is the primary reason that I’m so damn obsessed with watching videos that indulge it.|
Four things you’ve tried in the scene but don’t really “do it” for you:
1) Bondage. I’ll do it for videos, but in my personal play, I only either want to submit out of my own free will or be forced and pinned by my partner’s body.
2) Counting, or having to talk a lot while being spanked particularly hard. Again, I *can* do this, but it’s really difficult for me.
3) Being cold while being spanked. I’m beyond over that shit. No. No. No. No. No. No more. Except I’m going back to England in January. So probably yes. I’ll just cry a lot.
4) Anything relating to my nipples. That’s just horribly painful and not in a good way. Ugh.
Three people in the vanilla world you idolize:
1) John Darnielle
2) Terrance Malick
3) Kimya Dawson
Two things you should probably get in more trouble for doing than you do:
1) Some days it feels like I get in less trouble than I deserve for messing with Mila so damn much. Other days, it seems entirely balanced. Even more days, it seems like it’s horribly unfair and it’s all her fault.
2) I pretty much tell on myself for everything that I do wrong, so this question is sort of boring.
One cat that you are obsessed with:
1) Fatface. Fuck yes.
I know, I know, everyone’s done this by now. I’m very late to the party. I may have even been nominated on some other blog and not noticed due to being ignorant or something. None the less, in traditional, fashionably late Alex style, I now present to you:
1) I take a bath in the tub nearly every day. I’m a bit addicted to them, and I’m convinced that they are good for keeping the skin on my bottom soft and spankable.
2) In addition to being a spanking and, it would probably be fair to say, discipline fetishist, I also have some level of fetishistic feelings towards selecting and wearing cute or ornate panties and knee socks, wearing a large number of layers of clothing during cold weather and bandaids, especially cute bandaids and especially when they are applied to me by someone else.
3) I once hit our State Bird with my car. I was rather distressed.
4) I’m currently grounded from USING THE LIGHT OVER THE STOVE because I keep leaving it on by accident. This is probably the silliest thing one can be grounded from ever, and it’s even sillier that it really bothers me.
5) There are only five decorative things in my living room: a signed and framed photo of Morena Baccarin that was a gift from a friend, a picture of my deceased elder brother, a periodic table, a small jar filled with origami stars which Zeki made for me and Barry and Bearito, my two flocked bears that Malignus bought me during my first two trips to Bear Country, USA.
6) The other day, I passed out unconcincious in the middle of the grocery store because I hadn’t had enough water that day. It was a pretty unique experience, but I don’t recommend it to others.
7) I want a puppy, but the deal is that I can’t get a puppy until I can beat Malignus at chess. I’m not good at chess. 🙁
8) I only learned how to swim about a week ago. I wouldn’t say that I’m good at it, but at least now I can do it to some degree without looking like a total fool.
9) My favorite ice cream flavor is peach. Mmmmm.
10) I was once spanked so hard that my fake eyelashes came off. I was surprised that this was possible.
|Eh, fake eye lashes don’t make that big of a difference, anyway. This was taken earlier in the evening before they came flying off my face.|
11) The fact that there are 11 items in this list is really going to ruin S_F’s day. 😀
And now, on to the questions that were posed to me Kaelah, over at Ludwig’s Rohrstock-Palast:
1. What was one of your first kinky fantasies which you can remember?
My original spanking fantasies were very unformed and mostly just involved the actual act. Even as a child, I fantasized about adults in Domestic Discipline relationships, although I didn’t know that was the name for it. I also fantasized about being spanked by my peers, or by teachers or other authority figures. It wasn’t until grade seven when the stories I made up in my mind became complex and included reoccurring characters and complicated discipline scenarios.
2. What makes you happy about blogging?
I like to write, and I like to share that which I write. Blogging has been a great outlet for that, and it lets me ramble on to a bunch of people instead of just talking my friends’ ears off all the time. 🙂
3. Did blogging ever made you sad? If yes, why?
A couple of times I got into a slump of not posting, and this made me really disappointed in myself and therefore lead to me posting less frequently. That totally made me sad. I’ve only really been able to stick to my desired schedule now that I have YS enforcing this for me.
4. Please describe one of your happiest kinky moments.
Over the summer, I spent six consecutive weeks touring the county and shooting/filming. I didn’t get back to Sioux Falls or see Malignus until after Shadowlane. When I arrived home, he had suffered a concussion at work that evening and he called me as I was getting off the plane to let me know I was not to tackle hug him for health reasons. There was quite a bit of regular hugging, though. We were both super exhausted that night, but he still spanked me two different times before bed, effectively melting away all the stress and exhaustion that had built up over a long period of travel. I felt so safe and content over his lap, and I was as at home as a girl has ever been. It’s wonderful to have a relationship where I can go out and have those sort of adventures and come home to be right where I belong again. 😀
5. What do you like about the kinky community?
Everywhere else, my fetishism makes me weird. Period. No matter how accepting a vanilla person is, within a group, if people knew just how much of my life was dedicated to spanking and D/s related activities, people would ostracize me. Here, I’m just one of the gang. I feel safe from judgement and like I can be my real self. 🙂
6. Are there things you don’t like about the kinky community?
I don’t like Politics, and sometimes, spanko politics pop up. “You filmed with so and so and I hate them, so now we’re not friends anymore” and that sort of shallow thing. I also dislike drama, and things like back stabbing, and unfortunately, that happens from time to time, too.
7. Please describe the most memorable development that you made in your kink (for example, meeting fellow kinksters for the very first time or becoming open for a new kind of play).
Probably the most memorable development for me would be when I came to learn about and be comfortable with my submission. I previously only identified as a bottom, but I eventually discovered that submission is really gratifying and an excellent way for me to grow. I’ve been much happier since I started down that path.
8. Are there crucial elements in your kinky play?
For a scene to be gratifying to me, it either has to be spanking related or be something that another person with a strong scene presence or energy is really into, in a way that he can bring me into it as well. I did several scenes with IG that just weren’t stuff I’d normally be interested in, but which brought me into an awesomely submissive headspace because it was entirely about his enjoyment and that was something that our relationship made work. I can’t just get into something else with some random person, although truthfully, it’s rare for me to really get into a spanking with someone I don’t really know unless he is very talented at the mental side of things.
9. Do you have any pet peeves when it comes to spanking storylines or videos?
Heather W. and I have a glitter explosion. Spanking ensues.
You know what a blog is great for? Shameless self promotion. I shall now direct you to two lovely things.
First, a piece of my writing (an edited version of this post) is now being included in the “Great Reads” section of Cane-iac’s website! I’m thrilled to be included here. I haven’t been asked to endorse them or anything, but I must say that the people who run the company and site are just lovely, that I’ve gotten the best customer service imaginable when ordering from them and that their implements are of the highest and most painful quality.
Additionally, I’m working on a few minor ways to improve this blog. Changes may be appearing as early as tonight, but I’m not making any promises. Thus far, the only visible differences appear to those who view my source code.
Those of you who follow me on fetlife know that I had a fairly rough day yesterday, and I’m still kind of recovering from that. I basically had insomnia the night before and didn’t sleep at all, and then had a few stressful things happen and then had stress induced insomnia until about 3 AM. I then got up and went to work, but I was able to come home early and get a refreshing nap in. It was seriously some of the best sleep I’ve ever had in my life.
|That’s my “I just woke up” face!|
I shall now be continuing on to Day Two of the Ten Day Journaling Meme!
9 Things About Myself:
1) My legal name is extremely long and includes two hyphens.
2) Before the onset of her Lupus, my mother was a professional ballerina. I was therefore forced into taking ballet for ten years. I was horrible at it and no one liked me there. I then took ballet in college to try to prove to myself that I could be good at it. I was horrible at it and no one liked me there. So I gave up.
3) I almost never wear a bra. The size and shape of my breasts don’t require it. I’m kind of enamored with my own boobs. Like, a lot.
4) I am pretty sure I will never stop wanting to buy more pervertables and underpants. Every store I go into, I look at them.
5)The longest time that I ever spent in a corner was two and a half hours.
6) That popular quote is wrong for me: my deepest fear IS that I am inadequate.
7) When I was sixteen, I could buy alcohol without being carded. Now, I frequently get mistaken for a minor. It makes me really uncomfortable to think that I’ve gotten younger looking in the last eight years.
8) There have been days that were more significant or “greater,” but the happiest day of my life was when Malignus took me to Bear Country USA. Looking at baby bears with a person who I’d recently realized I was in love with while I had a ridiculously sore bottom from having gotten a ton of spankings the week before is pretty hard to top. That was the day that I truly understood what it meant to allow myself to feel and focus on only good things for a little while. Also, the baby bears chewed each other’s ears and smelled like puppies.
9) I love being in school. I wish that being a professional student was practical/possible.
I like memes. Examples of memes that make me happy:
Yes, I *did* just upload three random photos from my “LOLZ” folder, thanks for wondering.
There’s another kind of meme that I don’t enjoy as much, though. Those are the kinds of memes like “put this on your profile!” “Make a note that says this!” “Answer this series of questions!” et cetera. This probably comes from the fact that I’ve always seen myself as a bit of an outsider and I find following “the crowd” to be a bit distasteful. This are the kinds of things that are leftover from an earlier existence. I used to be truly outside of modern society. I was put there against my will, but I refused to leave entirely once I had the ability. I was always proud of the ways in which I was not like everyone else. Some of those, like my higher interest in learning and the arts, *are* things to be proud of. Others, like the fact that I almost never used to wear clothes that matched or do my hair beyond basic brushing before going out (or even to work) and my refusal to do things the way that “everyone else” does them have turned out to be hindrances to my advancement in society instead of points of pride. Essentially, the lesson that I’ve learned is that “everyone else does it” (argumentum ad populum) is never a valid reason for doing something (and is a logical fallacy). That does not mean, however, that “everyone else does it” is a reason to NOT do something, either. That’s just as fallacious of a statement (even if I don’t know a Latin phrase for it).
The point of this is that after reading the 10 day journaling posts over at my very excellent friend, Ami’s blog, I decided that I wanted to do the same over here, regardless of the fact that I told Malignus that it seemed “pretty stupid” when he showed me a mutual friend’s series of posts over on fetlife. So I’m going to. Today is the first day of this meme. These won’t be my only posts: just little supplements. (This will, however, be my only post today because it actually is of some substance.)
I hope no one thinks I’m lame. 😛
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. (Random order).
1. I’m sorry I don’t call or skype you. I never know what to say anymore. We both moved to new places with new men and seem to have lost the common ground that we used to share. I promise to work on it. I do love you.
2. I used to be terrified of you, because I think you’re cooler than me and more successful in just about every way, but now I’m really glad that I had a reason to get to know you more.
3. I like you a lot, in a “let’s have lesbian sex and talk about geeky stuff the entire time” kind of way. I’m just super scared that I’m not good enough for you, and that you think that I’m awesomer than I really am.
4. IS IT CAN BE HUGZ TIEM NOW PLZ? I can’t wait to see you!
5. I’ve been really impressed with how well you’ve been dealing with things in your life recently, as well as your drive and motivation to try new things. You’re such an important friend to me.
6. Ever since I met you, I’ve been thinking about how much more awesome every fun thing that happens would be if you were doing it with me and how much less sad every sad thing would be if you were there to give me hugs and snuggles. My new daydream is living next door to you and your family.
7. Please, please don’t this to me. I know you see it as doing it for yourself, but it’s also being done to me.
8. I wish you would get over yourself enough to come visit me out here. You’re allowed to be a regular person sometimes. In fact, that would probably make you feel amazing.
9. I’m glad that you’re my friend now! I really like hanging out with you. It make me super happy.