Alex in Spankingland

Ten Day Journaling Meme

Published March 14, 2012

I like memes. Examples of memes that make me happy:

Yes, I *did* just upload three random photos from my “LOLZ” folder, thanks for wondering.

There’s another kind of meme that I don’t enjoy as much, though. Those are the kinds of memes like “put this on your profile!” “Make a note that says this!” “Answer this series of questions!” et cetera. This probably comes from the fact that I’ve always seen myself as a bit of an outsider and I find following “the crowd” to be a bit distasteful. This are the kinds of things that are leftover from an earlier existence. I used to be truly outside of modern society. I was put there against my will, but I refused to leave entirely once I had the ability. I was always proud of the ways in which I was not like everyone else. Some of those, like my higher interest in learning and the arts, *are* things to be proud of. Others, like the fact that I almost never used to wear clothes that matched or do my hair beyond basic brushing before going out (or even to work) and my refusal to do things the way that “everyone else” does them have turned out to be hindrances to my advancement in society instead of points of pride. Essentially, the lesson that I’ve learned is that “everyone else does it” (argumentum ad populum) is never a valid reason for doing something (and is a logical fallacy). That does not mean, however, that “everyone else does it” is a reason to NOT do something, either. That’s just as fallacious of a statement (even if I don’t know a Latin phrase for it).

The point of this is that after reading the 10 day journaling posts over at my very excellent friend, Ami’s blog, I decided that I wanted to do the same over here, regardless of the fact that I told Malignus that it seemed “pretty stupid” when he showed me a mutual friend’s series of posts over on fetlife. So I’m going to. Today is the first day of this meme. These won’t be my only posts: just little supplements. (This will, however, be my only post today because it actually is of some substance.)

I hope no one thinks I’m lame. 😛

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. (Random order).

1. I’m sorry I don’t call or skype you. I never know what to say anymore. We both moved to new places with new men and seem to have lost the common ground that we used to share. I promise to work on it. I do love you.

2. I used to be terrified of you, because I think you’re cooler than me and more successful in just about every way, but now I’m really glad that I had a reason to get to know you more.

3. I like you a lot, in a “let’s have lesbian sex and talk about geeky stuff the entire time” kind of way. I’m just super scared that I’m not good enough for you, and that you think that I’m awesomer than I really am.

4. IS IT CAN BE HUGZ TIEM NOW PLZ? I can’t wait to see you!

5. I’ve been really impressed with how well you’ve been dealing with things in your life recently, as well as your drive and motivation to try new things. You’re such an important friend to me.

6. Ever since I met you, I’ve been thinking about how much more awesome every fun thing that happens would be if you were doing it with me and how much less sad every sad thing would be if you were there to give me hugs and snuggles. My new daydream is living next door to you and your family.

7. Please, please don’t this to me. I know you see it as doing it for yourself, but it’s also being done to me.

8. I wish you would get over yourself enough to come visit me out here. You’re allowed to be a regular person sometimes. In fact, that would probably make you feel amazing.

9. I’m glad that you’re my friend now! I really like hanging out with you. It make me super happy.

10. Trout.

The Struggle

Published March 13, 2012

Note from the future: I don’t actually support a lot of what I said in this post anymore. There are A LOT of signs that my relationship was unhealthy that can be seen here.

For the past few months, I’ve been working on a particular skill within the realm of submitting to spankings. I’m very, very good at taking hard spankings with the right atmosphere. The atmosphere, however, has always been highly important for my success with these things. I generally experience these things as if I am being “guided” to a particular headspace and then kept there. I think this is partially because my early spanking experiences were highly directed and I never learned how to create a headspace for myself and partly because when it comes to physical things, I’m far better at passive submission than active submission. Recently, we’ve been working on my ability to give myself over to a hard spanking without direct assistance.

It is way, way more difficult than it sounded to me in the beginning.

No atmosphere means no phrases of comfort or reaffirmation, no “good girl”s, no questions that focus my mind on submission like “to whom does your body belong?” or “do you want this spanking?” It turns out those things go an extremely long way towards creating a submissive headspace for me.

It also means no warmup. This is the biggest difference between the kinds of non-punitive spankings I was used to getting and the kind that I’ve been getting recently. A warmup eases me into a scene both physically and mentally. The mental side of it is what’s the most important for me. It gives me time to accept the fact that I’m being spanked and slowly start giving myself over to the spanking, suspending my sense of self preservation and surrendering my free will for the time being. It’s like slowly inching forward to get wet in a lake before going swimming (this analogy is particularly effective for me because I have a strong fear of water so preparing to submerge myself is far more mental than physical, but I’m sure that it will make at least some sense to others). You take one step, then another step, then another and at first every step makes you gasp from the cold but eventually, you put your head entirely under the water and then you’re ready and can swim for however long you want.

Without a warmup and with few words of guidance or correction, I’m more like a cat who has just been dropped into a full tub for her bath than a swimmer slowly preparing to enjoy the water. The first smack hits my bottom and I pretty much immediately start crying out, rolling back and forth on Malignus’ lap, yelling in the style that Ami would call “like a dying monster” and being entirely incapable of keeping position. This is relative to my normal ability to be extremely still: I’ve seen other girls who simply have to be held down and pinned in place to take a spanking, and recently, I saw one of my friends climb over a couch when her arms were being held down and she was trying to escape swats. The logistics of that maneuver still befuddle me. To my own credit, I will add that I’ve never put my hand back during a spanking, that I’ve never gotten off the Top’s lap, that I’ve only kicked a Top in the face twice and that it’s been over three years since that time that I broke a lamp. Basically, I’m not horrible, but I try to cling to my resistance as much as possible and relaxing and giving myself over to being spanked isn’t the first thing on my mind. In fact, instead of thinking about how much I want to be spanked and how I never want it to end, I find myself latching onto thoughts of how it’s too hard, it hurts too much, I can’t be still for it and I want it to be over. Not very productive.

That’s my brain, basically, when I’m not doing things right.

I’ve been working on this for a long time, and that’s not to say that every spanking I receive is done in this method and intended to work on this. Malignus had told me that I’d been making progress but I personally was getting frustrated with myself: I knew what things I should be doing during a spanking and I just never brought myself to do them.

Last week, we obtained a new implement. Peachy Keane sent it to me as part of a gift box. I’ve talked about Jenny before: the wooden spatula that Malignus loves and most girls hate. Here’s a photo of Jenny, in case anyone wasn’t sure what it looked like:

This is Ben, the new implement that scotchgrove had Peachy send us:

At first, I thought it was another Jenny in a different color. They do look the same!

From that angle, they look exactly the same aside from the color difference and the fact that Jenny is well worn. From other angles, the difference is far more noticeable:

Ben is about 1.5 – 1.75 times as thick as Jenny. This was EXTREMELY noticeable the first time I was spanked with it. Jenny was my “warm up” (this was quick and very firm) and then he started to hit me with Ben. I kicked and bucked around and screamed and could barely be kept under basic control. I’m pretty sure that the spanking ended earlier than intended because I was taking it with so little grace and dignity. But geeze! That thing is HORRIBLE. It’s the epitome of an awful spoon (you can tell because scotchgrove calls his “the perfect spoon.” )

The other day, I got into a mood and I started having a really awful attitude while Malignus and I were trying to get things done in a limited amount of time. I’m really ashamed of the way I acted. I was scolded about my attitude and just a minute later, he asked me something and I responded rudely and immaturely. He then started to scold me very, very harshly. I snapped out of my funk immediately and began to cry guiltily. I was suddenly aware of just how badly I’d been behaving. A minute or so later, he called me into the bedroom. He was sitting on the edge of the bed holding Ben. I felt a mix of terror and relief– despite my extreme dislike of that implement, I knew that I deserved to be disciplined for my behavior and I wanted him to spank me very hard. Once I had bared my bottom and gotten over his lap, he gave me another stern scolding and then did just that. It felt as though he really laid into me with it (I say this in non-concrete terms because the way that I experience pain during a disciplinary spanking is different than usual and often much more severe). There was no denying the fact that he spanked me very thoroughly, but because of my mindset at the time, I lay quite still and did nothing but cry submissively into my pillow. The spanking finished with corner time followed by a long, comforting hug and a chance for me to behave better. I spent the rest of the afternoon focusing on being cheerful and getting things done, and I was successful at both.

Later, when we were driving in the car to go out to eat, Malignus noted that I had been very still for my spanking. It hadn’t even registered to me that I had: I had been focusing on other things. This was important for me because it had reminded me just what I was capable of. When I want to, I can endure anything. This had stopped being a reality for me when I had continuously failed at my earlier attempts to fully submit. That night, Malignus gave me a bedtime spanking with a different spoon. My bottom was still sore from my discipline earlier that day, but I know he didn’t spank me as hard or with as fast a pace as he usually does. Still, I was able to channel the same feeling of wanting to be spanked and I successfully gave over to the spanking. I was very proud of myself, indeed, and Malignus told me that he was proud as well.

This post has too many words in it! It needs one of these!

Since then, I’ve only had one other spanking, which was also with Ben. I took that one similarly well. It’s exciting to feel like I’m on a roll and finally mastering something and making real, measurable progress.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Discipline, Growth, My butt, Scene Stories, Submission, Tears, Unacceptable Implements | 16 Comments

Tricky Pervertables

Published March 9, 2012

I’ve often daydreamed about a world where spankos took up enough of the market that pervertables marketed themselves towards us. Imagine a world where you could read the blurb on the back of the a hairbrush and have it point out that besides having high quality bristles for hair brushing, the spanking surface on the back is made of durable wood for an excellent combination of sting and thud.

Alas, this isn’t the case. No one seems to want to admit why, exactly, people prefer wooden spoons to the plastics and silicone coated one (I’m not even ALLOWED to use wooden spoons in the kitchen!) and the world seems to think that there are people who wash themselves with brushes in the shower (weird).

There is, however, some marketing being done to spanko bottoms in a very tricky way. The people who make pervertables are trying to sell more by subtly convincing us that they won’t be so bad. The first time I noticed this trend was when I saw a particular bathbrush show up on several people’s fetlife profiles. I recently purchased this for five dollars at Walmart:

The sticker reads “Soft and Cruelty Free!”

No. Incorrect. I haven’t been hit with it yet, but I know for a fact that bathbrushes are neither of those things. I don’t think someone could make a bathbrush spanking nice if they tried.

I noticed the next one in a local cooking store and made a very scrunchy face indeed at the false advertising:

The brand on this wooden turner is “SoftWorks.” This doesn’t even make sense. It doesn’t have a soft and cushy handle. It isn’t meant to be used on something soft. It’s wood, for the love of all that is reasonable! Wood isn’t soft. I suppose wood chips could be soft, the kind one would use to line a rabbit hutch or something, but that’s the only time that wood can ever be described as anything other than hard.

Finally, my spanko-sister, PeachyKeane, sent me this as part of a care package:

I understand that this is a plastic hairbrush, but that doesn’t make it ouchless. If I’ve learned one thing in my spankolife, it’s that anything with a handle can be used for spanking and anything that can be used for spanking can be made to hurt. Even things that technically can’t be used for spanking (like a dishtowel) can be made to hurt. Don’t fall for this trap. I bet it can still be ouchful.

It’s a pretty clever method of increasing sales, though. A female bottom in the market for a brush for her hair could very well want to pick one that can’t also be used on her poor, innocent bottom. In the past, I’ve avoided this by choosing pink and girly hairbrushes that Tops wouldn’t want to touch. I’ve heard that other girls enjoy those entirely round brushes that have no spanking surface at all. Now that I’ve purchased four bathbrushes, when I put them all next to each other, the one that tells me it’s cruelty free DOES seem a little less terrifying. I’m not buying the “soft” wood, though. Screw you, wooden spoons. I’ve had more than enough of you recently! (Does this attitude come from a recent experience that has left me with residual soreness? Why yes it does.)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Cleverness, Humor, Implements, Pervertables | 12 Comments

First Party: Final Chapter

Published March 8, 2012

A couple more stories from the party, then tomorrow, we move on to other topics in Spankingland. Besides the sjambok, another one of the “scary” implements that was brought to the cabin was TNSpanker’s cricket bat. I was offered a go at being hit with it on the first night, but, as previously mentioned, I was liquored up and I’m not permitted to play with people I don’t know when I’ve been drinking . This rule is especially important when the fact that I’m a lightweight (in terms of alcohol) is considered. Because of this, I only drank on the first night, and on the second night, I was ready to experience the cricket bat. It had to be located first, because apparently my request to be hit with horrible things interfered with some of the other girls’ plan to hide horrible things. I wasn’t given that memo and ended up getting them (mainly Megan) in a boatload of trouble later on. Anyway, TNS hit me with the cricket bat a few times and it was kind of awesome. It was just thud, and the thrill of being hit with a large, blunt object hadn’t gone away just because I’d been beaten with a tree earlier in the day. I actually really enjoyed it. Then Malignus hit me with it three times and I screamed a lot. Then he hit my thigh with it and I think I stopped having bones for a minute and collapsed into a pile of mush on the back of the couch until he hugged me back to life. Don’t worry: the whole thing happened under a doctor’s supervision. The risk of SBD was managed!

Yep: I uploaded the same photo twice. You guys can deal. Anyway, the cricket bat was like a paddle that had been taking the same drugs that the cane that grew into the sjambok took. When I told Serious_Face that I’d been spanked with one, he was a combination of excited and pissed. Apparently it was something he’d always fantasized about doing to a girl but had never actually done because he thought it was “too extreme.” It’s not, by the way. It’s extremely scary and extremely awesome, but not “too” anything.

Later that night, I went downstairs with Drlectr to have a quiet conversation (because there was a lot of spanking going on in the main room and spanking distracts me quite a bit when I’m trying to talk) and it ended with me asking him to spank me. It was an incredibly nice scene. I think about it and my eyes get kind of glossy for a second before I say “it was niiiiiiiice.” It was fairly long (I think: I lose track of time pretty quickly under these circumstances) and it was all hand-spanking on my bare bottom, which is my favorite of all possible things. He was really good at what he did: he varied speed and tempo and intensity in a way that made me simultaneously relaxed, happy and chock full of endorphins.

Most spanko girls who hang out with me have probably heard me bitch about the fact that I don’t usually experience the endorphin side of things unless I’m getting positively murdered, and even then, I don’t have a traditional subspace experience. I did once after Malignus gave me an extended hand-spanking after I’d had a very thorough spanking indeed a few hours earlier, and another time, I got kind of “high” from a fairly gentle spanking and walked around with a pillow in my mouth after like that was normal. But my normal experience involves me crying and wailing a lot during a spanking and only feeling typical “good” feelings while basking in it afterwards. This time, things lined up right so that I got a lot of endorphines. A lot. I made a lot of noise during the spanking, but it was pretty much just moaning. I’d imagine that it sounded pretty sexual to anyone listening. It wasn’t sexual for me, but I don’t really have a word for what it was. It was really, really enjoyable. It hurt in a way that didn’t feel like pain, even though I was aware that I was in pain. I drifted and had a very loose connection with my body and with reality. It was very lovely indeed.

At the end of the day, I was very sore and very warm and happy.

Malignus gave me a bedtime spanking shortly thereafter which only heightened my snuggly spaciness. There was only one thing not right with the world as I fell asleep with my head against his chest: the next day, ellee and YS were leaving. We were all technically supposed to be leaving, but Drlectr and Megan had arranged for us to have the cabin for an extra night and quite a number of us were staying.

The next morning, I slept in pretty late. It was glorious: I’d been a little sick this entire time and I’d had trouble sleeping. I even slept through Malignus giving ellee a fairly hardcore caning not that far outside my door. I’ve clearly made some progress with being freaked out by hearing other people being spanked. 😛 Soon, the reality that ellee and YS were going home soon was being drilled into me by YS scolding ellee to get her stuff ready and into the car. SAD! There was something that I wanted to do before ellee was tragically pulled from me by circumstance.

ellee is really good at comforting. One of the nights I had a temporary episode of “teh sad” and I ended up crying to her about something (once in a while, I can be a woman. Sue me.) and I was kind of amazed by how awesome she was at making me feel better. When she was hugging my head and being a warm and affectionate presence, I was able to quickly cope with the stuff that was making me have said sad and get back to being all happy-faced. So, once I was awake, I asked Malignus to quickly do a science experiment and see if I was well enough to be spanked (between the soreness and the sickness). This science was conducted with that big-ass spoon in the above photo, which is named Fluffy!® I was really, really sore: about halfway through, Malignus asked me if I wanted him to spank my thighs and I gave a very genuine “YES” that wasn’t driven by submission in the least. It was because they had gotten much less abuse than my bottom had during that particular weekend. The thigh swats actually hurt A LOT less than the ones on my bottom had, and that’s impressive, because my thighs are very pain sensitive (all that constant hitting hasn’t made them any less) and I still have more self preservation about them than most other parts of my body. The science proved that I was still spankable.

Once that was established, I asked Malignus to give me a spanking like he would at home. As a general rule, he doesn’t give out “real” or “full” beatings at parties: it’s not the right environment for it. Besides, a girl is going to want to play more and doesn’t want to be so sore she can’t move (except maybe me. Because I’m insane like that.) The thing I wanted, however, was for ellee to give me moral support during the spanking. It sounded like it would be awesome. Both Malignus and ellee agreed to this.

This was hanging in our room in the cabin! So appropriate!

So, Malignus spanked me crazy hard with a feared and detested wooden spoon named Jenny and ellee snuggled my face and told me what a good girl I was, and how submissively I was taking my beating and how much everyone loved me. It might sound kind of dumb, but it was totally awesome. Her praise and comfort lifted me up and made me want to take more and take it well. I’m not going to lie: earlier today, when I was getting a spanking for saying that we could use magic to turn HeatherFeather’s dog into a cat, I started thinking about that earlier scene and the way ellee made me feel and it helped me to not focus on processing the spanking as it was happening and therefore allowed me to take it with less resistance. Basically: I love ellee and everything to do with her.

Eventually, though, she and YS had to leave. I started suffering from ellee drop right away. Fortunately, there were other awesome people still at the party. It was during this time that I got spanked by Latte. That was very enjoyable and had several particularly cool things about it. For one, she’s left handed. I’ve always wanted to be spanked by a left handed top. Besides the fun and excitement in something being different and in facing the other way while over her lap, there’s the fact that she favored the opposite side than everyone else had, which helped to even out the symmetry of things. She was also a very good spanker: she spanked me with “good girl” implements at a nice pace for quite a long time and it was really relaxing and enjoyable. I sometimes mock lighter implements because I’ve always kind of assumed that if someone was going to give a “kind” spanking, they would use their hand. I kind of neglected the fact that most Tops hands eventually become tired and sore. I also sometimes forget that Tops can feel pain. 😛

A little while after Latte had finished spanking me, Megan decided that she wanted to do so as well, and let me know by pulling me over her lap.

I didn’t know if Megan wanted her face shown or not, and it was late at night so I erred on the side of caution.

Megan’s spanking alternated between being nice and relaxing and hard and very stingy. You can see in the photo that I’m all kinds of marked up- you can even make out the sjambok bruising on my thighs. She actually made me tear up a little at one point, while making me coo and relax at other points in the same scene. It was all kinds of fun.

That night, we watched the Oscars and The Tree of Life didn’t win anything, so I became sort of irate and yelled quite a bit about how Terrance Malick is a god among men and the politics of the Academy are corrupt and dumb. Also, somehow, this happened:

Poor, mistreated Alex! The night then went on to include a lot of chilling and some unforgettable ridiculosity, sponsored by Malibu.

The next morning, we got up, cleaned out the cabin and then went to take a walk through the surrounding town and get some breakfast. The meal was enjoyable, and the town was adorable! Megan bought me some candy in a chocolate store, we had a really tasty meal, I got to hug this stuffed dog:

TNSpanker finagled things so that I got to see this bear:

Ten and I learned about what makes a good belt when we visited a leatherworker’s shop (I am still pretty sure the answer to that is that you season it with the screams and tears of many girls):

I look kinda awful here. I was pretty sleep deprived and sad that the weekend was ending.

and I thought this sign was funny:

After sad farewells in the parking lot, Malignus and I hit the road for what turned out to be an 18 hour trip home. Just in case anyone was wondering, an 18 hour car ride isn’t exactly what one wants to do when one has a really freaking sore bottom. Ugggggh. It felt like it lasted forever.

So, I’ve finally finished telling the tale of my adventures. It only took me a really long time! I’m sorry a few days passed between posts because my life got a bit busy, and I’m sorry that this post is so hella long: I wanted to get the rest of the story told in one post like I said I could!

Regular programming begins again tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Posted in Photoshoots | Tagged Adventures, Friends, Happiness, Photos, Spanking Parties, Travel | 12 Comments

First Party: Chapter 3

Published March 4, 2012

Sometime after what shall forever be referred to as “The Bunny Incident,” YS, Ten, Drlectr and Malignus were hanging out with ellee and I in the downstairs common area (AKA “ellee and Alex’s Coloring Area”) and more spanking fun was had. I have trouble identifying the order of events at this point, but there were several very fun scenes: at one point, ellee, Ten and I were in a row bent over the pool table as Malignus and YS spanked us with their belts. They both have very well-worn belts, and they were using them in a most enjoyable way (that is to say, not murdering us!) and as one of them worked their way down the line, the three of us yelped like some kind of cute musical instrument.

I think next was when Ten spanked ellee, taking her “being spanked by a girl” cherry. That was an adorable scene, and I really enjoyed watching Ten’s toppy side. She was supposedly spanking ellee for taking 90 seconds too long to get YS a beer earlier in the afternoon, and she made her count to 90 strokes, but she kept losing count and those in the audience kept tricking her into saying lower numbers. At one point, Ten started over from the start. I like spankings with “audience participation” like that. Lots of fun. Plus, ellee is seriously the cutest spankee I’ve ever seen. She squeaks and squeals and wiggles and I am in love with her butt.

Observe!

Cutest ever! Photo of ellee used with permission

Malignus also demonstrated the horrors of Jenny to all the girls (you can see the marks on ellee above). Here are mine:

Aaaaand here’s my favorite photo ever! Look at Malignus in the background being all full of sadistic pride and joy! That horrible thing in his hand is Jenny, btw.

Later, we attended a wedding that was held in the cabin and officiated by Megan. It was a really moving ceremony, and included “You may now spank the bride!” I look forward to when the day comes that I get spanked in my wedding dress. In the meantime, it was awesome fun to attend a wedding without putting on pants.

Later that night, I got “caught up with” regarding the bunny incident. I got a short but thorough caning. There was something really enjoyable about hanging out with friends and then being marched downstairs into the other room to get spanked. It felt like the world was right: we all knew what we did and no one was judging us. In fact, they were listening at the top of stairs as I was crying out and yelping. When I came back up they were laughing and smiling and such things. For some reason, that was the time when I was the most aware of this feeling in the cabin.

That evening, I got to have some topping fun with ellee:

She was wearing her famous Nintendo panties and I was wearing a Miffy shirt and we both had bows on, so you can rest assured that it was the cutest scene evar.

Later that night, YS spanked Ten for a long time and it made his hand explode horribly! I’d only seen this happen to this scale once before, and it took like, a week to get there.

It was a good thing it happened on the last night, though, because otherwise it would have been sad rest of the party for him. It did mean that I didn’t get spanked by him as much as I’d like to, but I’ll be visiting them in the future and I’m sure that will mean lots of spanking time. 😀

There’s still a little more to be said for what happened that night, but I’ll hopefully be able to finish the rest of the stories tomorrow in Chapter 4. I hope you’re not bored yet!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Adventures, Caning, Friends, Spanking Parties | 8 Comments

First Party: Chapter 2

Published March 2, 2012

Shortly after my sjamboking, ellee and YoggSothoth (who I shall now refer to as YS to save time on typing) got up and I started hanging out with them more. ellee and I were going to start coloring, something which we’d been looking forward to for a long time, when we heard that people were going outdoors to do outside spankings. This sounded like something that we wanted to participate in, so we found our shoes and jackets. Unfortunately, I had previously been wearing jeans. I packed them because I figured that jeans are a good thing to wear out in the woods. I forgot one key detail: this was a SPANKING party. (See also: my feelings on pants.) Because of this, I had decided that I was only going to wear panties on the lower half of my body for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, it’s winter and it was cold outside, so I had to put something on, so I settled for my Bambi fuzzypants. I also had the difficulty of having a long coat: Malignus says it makes me look like a crazy lady, but I argue that it’s warm and when you don’t wear pants, you need all the extra warmth you can get! When I reached the log which all the other bottoms were bent over (and some were already getting spanked!) I realized that I would have to leave my coat off.

Getting spanked while over a log in the woods was my first real interaction with a couple of the tops who were there. The swats hurt a little bit, even over my pants, especially because it was cold and the tops were using paddles and straps and such things, but mostly, my reaction was to laugh, because it was super fun to be getting spanked in a row with a bunch of other girls in the middle of the woods. I was also right next to ellee, and we were holding hands some of the time. Fun!

At some point while this was happening, Malignus started messing around with a little sapling that was growing in the ground near the fallen tree we were all bent over. He uprooted it (it still had a pretty complete root system) and directed me back into position. I was seriously cracking up about the idea of getting spanked with an entire tree. I was surprised when he hit me: I figured it was going to be a light and playful swat. I guess “light and playful” and “entire tree” don’t really go together. (Arguably, “light and playful” and “Malignus hitting Alex” don’t really go together most of the time, either.) Anyway, it hurt a lot. It was the thuddiest thing I’ve ever been hit with, which is really not surprising. He gave me four or five hard strokes while the other girls looked on in a combination of horror and amusement. I still have a bruise from that tree.

After beating me with an entire tree, he pulled a fairly thick and intimidating looking switch and gave me about ten strokes with that. The fact that I had my only switching experience on a cold bottom and thighs in the middle of the woods after being hit with a tree doesn’t really allow me to give a fair and balanced opinion of it, but I did get over some of my terror regarding getting longer switchings in the future. I did scream my head off into the woods, though. He then gave another girl three strokes with it (which she later described as the most painful thing she had experienced in her life that far!) and then gave Megan a few. Megan might have even less of a sense of self preservation than I do: she opted to pull her jeans down to get the switch. 0_0

We then went back up to the house and ellee and I got to work on our coloring. This was interrupted by YS giving ellee a strapping, and later, by him doing the same to me for the first time. Getting spanked by him was pretty exciting. It’s rare that I meet someone whose Dominance I immediately want to respect, but I felt that way about YS. I felt like calling him “Sir” almost immediately, making him only the fourth person I’ve habitually used an honorific with, ever. When I got in position for him to spank me, he told me to ask for it (I’d just seen the way that ellee had done this). In most circumstances, when someone other than Malignus gives me an order (outside of things we’d discussed for a scene) I get all scrunchy faced. I might even respond with “don’t you fucking tell me what to goddamn do!” But when YS told me to ask for my spanking, I didn’t even hesitate before saying “Please spank me, Sir.” It’s rare but lovely to find someone whose Dominance inspires me, and it made playing with him very enjoyable. He spanked me quite hard with a London Tanners’ strap. It was lovely.

Later, Malignus took a nap, YS went off to smoke a cigar with another Top and ellee and I were left unsupervised with our coloring. As I previously mentioned, ellee is a doctor. One of the things that she brought with her was her prescription pad. Ever since I moved from Los Angeles, I’ve wanted a pet. Specifically, I want a bunny. I wanted a cat, but I knew that would never happen, so a bunny seemed like the next best thing. I was totally in love with Ami’s bunny, Tomato, until it died.

RIP Tomato 🙁

I happened to know that ellee had amazingly adorable bunnies that were full of love and cuddles, and that one of them licked her face and cuddled her and stuff. We’d been endeavoring to get me a bunny for a long time, and we’d come up with what seemed like a perfect plan. ellee would write me a prescription for one. She got out her prescription paper and filled it out so that it was super official. She prescribed me one mini-rex bunny rabbit (live) for cuddling, with one refill (so I could have two! Bunnies are best in pairs). She signed and dated it and everything.

Earlier in the day, ellee had her doctor stuff out and was looking at Malignus’ eye (which was adorable, because she kept jumping up and down with excitement about it) and had also tested some of my reflexes and found that some were hypersensitive. When Malignus got up from his nap and ellee and I presented him with the prescription, she started with this information. She said a few serious doctor things, and then said something about scientific accuracy and peer review. Then Malignus looked at what the prescription was for and got immediately grumpy. ellee and I were pretty much rolling around on the ground laughing. We couldn’t let it go and kept saying things about how I was going to get a bunny and it was going to cuddle and love me, and finally, Malignus grabbed ellee by the arm and lead her towards the bedroom. While he was arranging things on the bed so that he could give her a spanking, she hid in the closet. It was a mini, half sized closet, so Malignus didn’t even think to look there when he turned around and discovered that she wasn’t there. He advanced toward me with “the look” on his face and demanded that I tell him where she was, but all I could squeak out was “she’s not here!” He turned to go look for her upstairs, but ellee was laughing too hard in the closet and gave herself away (which is good, because I would have eventually had to tell on her, and that would have been sad!)

Artistic rendering of ellee hiding from Malignus in the closet

Anyway, he found her, pulled her over his lap and spanked her very thoroughly, until she was saying she was sorry and and apologizing for misusing her medical privileges and I’m not sure what else. For a second, it might have seemed that I had gotten off free, but Malignus informed me that he wanted to wait until I had healed from my earlier spankings (including the sjamboking, the tree-ing and switching) before he gave me mine. I was very 0_0 at that news.

I’m not even halfway through telling the stories of the first full day at the cabin! I haven’t even gotten to 4:00 PM yet! This is going to be a long series of posts. Stay tuned! More tomorrow!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Adventures, Cleverness, Friends, Happiness, Scene Stories, Spanking Parties, Travel, Trees | 14 Comments

First Party: Chapter 1

Published March 1, 2012

Extended Title: Chapter 1: In which I travel to my first spanking party, arrive, meet friends, settle in and get beaten with a sjambok.

Well, it’s been a full week since I last posted. Due to the circumstances, I don’t feel all that guilty about it.

On Thursday, I got sent home from work because I was coughing too much. This didn’t exactly bode well for a girl who was supposed to be heading to a cabin in the woods the next day for a spanking party, so I spent the majority of the day and early evening resting. Eventually, Malignus woke me up because I had procrastinated doing anything involving packing for the trip and we were leaving in less than twelve hours (which I cannot say he was overjoyed about). I hustled through the stuff that needed doing, then we went back to sleep for a few hours before we left. Unfortunately, I was too excited to sleep. This came back to haunt me later.

Eventually, Malignus woke up, a few other things happened and we hit the road. The drive there was not a lot of fun. I was tired and nervous and a bit cranky, and when it was my turn to drive, I had difficulty with the fact that I was driving stick, which is something that I’ve never gotten particularly good at. We eventually arrived in the town where the cabin was located, but had trouble finding the cabin itself. We ended up in an old graveyard at one point, which didn’t help to calm me down at all.

Finally, we arrived. I was incredibly, incredibly nervous. My hands were shaking. I walked in the doorway to see an extraordinary amount of alcohol on the kitchen counter, two scenes in progress and a lot of new faces standing around talking. In reality, none of that stuff is all that scary. At the moment, I was petrified. Pretty much all that I could get to come out of my mouth was “Yes, Sir” and “No, Sir” to Malignus and “Hi” to everyone else. I went into our bedroom to discover that MissbehavinMegan, who organized the party, had gotten me a present:

Question: was the primary purpose of obtaining this gift for me to irritate Malignus?
Answer: probably, yes. But I benefit from his unhappiness!

When I first got to the cabin, Megan was off doing something else, but once I finished unpacking our stuff and she finished doing that, I got a drink into my system and had some “alone time” ( ^_~) with her, and suddenly, I felt perfectly at home and friendly. The next few hours were a fun-filled blur. ellee and her husband YoggSothoth were delayed in their arrival, and I had tried to stay up and wait for them, but in the end, I asked Malignus to wake me up when they arrived. That happened around three AM, and I instantly regained my spunk when I saw them. I’m pretty sure that the moment we met was the moment that ellee and I became best friends forever. She also had a present for me, which filled me with mass amounts of glee:

We had lots of hugging and squeeing, and then we both got bedtime spankings and went to our respective rooms to sleep.

All in all, despite being tiring and scary, it was a great day. I knew that the party was off to a very good start indeed!

The next morning, I woke up and followed the smell of bacon to the kitchen. I guess a few other girls woke up earlier than I did and cooked. The only cooking I did during the entire trip was sandwich making, which I was strangely okay with. Once in a while, I guess a break can be nice. Right after breakfast, Malignus and Megan were taking a run to the nearby town to get a few things from the store that had been used up already or forgotten, and I came along. I said that this was because I needed to make sure that they got the right kind of butter for me, but my motivation could be more plainly described with the words “YoggSothoth mentioned to Malignus that they should pick up some capsaicin because we ‘forgot’ ours and I wanted to do everything in my power to ensure that this pattern of ‘forgetting’ continued.” You’ll be happy to hear that I was successful in my mission.

After I saved everyone’s life by ensuring this, I got myself into what one might call a “situation.”
One of the implements that was available for use at this party was a sjambok. I’m scared of those. Double, triple scared. I’m especially scared because I’ve seen photos and read stories about them. Because I have absolutely no sense of self preservation whatsoever and I love to actively seek out the things that terrify me to further my submission/satisfy my curiosity, I asked Malignus to hit me with it. Remember that there have been no stories of me being spanked yet this day. This was the way that I started my play for the day. For being such a smart girl, I can be pretty stupid sometimes.

The first thing I can tell you about sjamboks: they are big. They are really long and they are super thick. They are flexible. It was kind of like my most feared cane (the nylon one) on an overdose of PCP.

I remember when I thought that this was a really big implement:

Spoon!

Here’s that spoon next to the cricket bat (which you will hear tales of later) and the sjambok.

The tape measure is extended to 44 inches. This photo belongs to Malignus. The bat belongs to TNSpanker. The sjambok belongs to Latte (and in hell!)

After I asked to be beaten with this horrible thing, Malignus marched me down to our bedroom with a horrible, sadistic grin on his face. He got far too much enjoyment just from holding the sjambok. His face was positively lit up with glee. He had me bare my bottom and lay over pillows and then, with very little warning (let alone warming up!) he hit me with it.

How can I describe it? Was it the worst thing I’d ever been hit with? Yes. By a lot? Yes. Was I just psyching myself up into believing that? I don’t know. I’ve certainly had things which looked worse afterwards. The individual weals were thicker than anything I’ve ever had before, though, rather raised, and were hard underneath. He gave me five (I believe) and then told me he was doing the last one two handed. I was crying and having a hard time holding still, so I asked for a moment before he did that. He agreed, but gave me two that way as a result. One of these was on my thighs. The other was higher than the others, and where I least expected it. I nearly experienced Sudden Butt Death, but somehow survived. 😉

This looks nowhere near as bad as it felt!

The results? Sjamboks are bad and no one should buy them. So much hurt!

Chapter 2 out of many will be posted tomorrow. (I know this for a fact: I already wrote it!)

Posted in Photoshoots | Tagged Adventures, Photos, Scene Stories, Sjambok, Spanking Parties, Unacceptable Implements | 14 Comments

Extra Special Adventures, Coming Right Up!

Published February 23, 2012

I’ve never been to a spanking party before. I’ve been to play parties and to dungeons before, and I’ve been to a few things that are ALMOST like a spanking party. For example, I once hung out with my best friend, HeatherFeather, another spanko girl, another BDSM bottom who was somewhat into spanking and Malignus at what was at the time just his apartment (which is now where I live) and had lots of spanking adventures.

Then there was the Halloween party at Threshold where a number of spankos (including me, Christy Cutie and Porcelain Ass) and a bunch of BDSM people who are fond of spanking hung out. It was a party and there were spankos and spanking! Almost like a spanking party, right?

There was also the hotel party that took place right before left Los Angeles. There were about ten people and lots of spankings happened. I even got spanked by one of my friends who was wearing a panda suit at the time. Good, good times!

Still, none of these have been extended and dedicated spanking parties, and that’s about to change. This weekend I’m going to a small, private spanking party. It isn’t going to be anything like a large party, but it will have some pretty significant new experiences.

First of all, everyone who will be in attendance is a spanko, despite being from all walks of life. I’ve never been in a large group of spankos for more than a few hours at a time. That’s an exciting prospect for me. Secondly, there will be a lot of people there who I’ve never met before. In fact, the only person I’ll have met in person before will be Malignus. That said, two of the people who are going are good internet friends of mine, which makes things slightly less intimidating. Still, meeting a whole bunch of people can be really scary. I don’t even really know what people do at these kinds of parties, but I figure that there aren’t too many rules and regulations for it.

Another thing which is on my mind is the fact that I’ll be playing with people for the first time there.

I hear Tops talk from time to time about getting performance anxiety before spanking a girl, especially for the first time. They worry that they won’t do it hard enough, or that they’ll do it too hard and scare her off, or that they’ll do something that she misinterprets as creepy. They worry that they’ll mess up their reputations as good, trustworthy spankers.

I’ve never heard another bottom express this, but I get this. This is totally different than my generalized spankoanxiety, which is something that I’ve made great strides towards lessening by simply getting closer and closer to fully accepting myself for who and what I am. I just worry that the kind of bottom that I am won’t be desirable to the Tops that I engage with. What if I cry too much? What if I’m not snarky enough? Will they find spanking me boring because I just lie there and take it and there isn’t any struggle? Will I seem like a wet blanket because I don’t really engage in “the game” of getting spanked for being a brat?

I know that a lot of the other girls who are going (the party is pretty much M/f) enjoy playful bratting and that’s not really my forté. I like being good. I’m not kidding when I say that. I’ve recently been watching a lot of videos to try and learn how to be snarkier when I’m filming (especially videos with Erica in them, because she’s the most clever) but I still have trouble imagining myself acting that way when I wasn’t… acting. My hope is that people will just accept that I’m the way that I am and not think that it makes me a lamesauce wet-blanket. But I’m nothing if not an insecure worrier with a deep-seated obsession with the idea that no one will like me, so it keeps popping up.

My guess is that everything will be great and that it will be a learning experience for me. I’ll get to see the way that other people in the scene interact with each other and learn more about other attitudes towards TTWD. I also plan to have some serious cuddle time with one particularly adorable spanko bottom Doctor and to get some lessons in how to be really good at drawing kitties, to do some super fun baking, to make new friendships and strengthen ones that have thus far only existed online and maybe to try some exciting new things.

So here I am, with that combination of terror and extreme excitement that always comes with new things but especially comes with new spanking related things. I turn to you, dear readers! Have you ever been to spanking parties? If so, what was your first one like? What advice would you have for a girl attending her first one? Do you ever get “performance anxiety” before having a scene with a new person? What do you do to combat it?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Adventures, Friends | 4 Comments

Sniffle sniffle cough!

Published February 21, 2012

I haven’t been online for a few days. I’ve let messages sit in my email and fetlife inboxes. In fact, until last night, I hadn’t so much as touched my laptop for 72 hours. Now, that’s unusual. Why? Because, first of all, I’m addicted to the internet. Secondly, I love my laptop. It’s the first computer of my very own that has actually worked well. My first two computers (“Lappy” and “The Craptop” respectively) could never do anything right pretty much ever and were in and out of repairs all the time. I bought this machine in 2007 and have never regretted it. With the exception of the power cable that died while I was at my mother’s house over Easter last year and had to be fixed with tape and later replaced and the keys that are missing from my keyboard from over use, nothing has gone wrong with it in the past five years.

I had trouble color correcting this photo. My computer is actually white and not gross looking.

This means that my dear Shenandoah Puff Octopus Prime (who still has a shorter name than my legal name!) has never spent the night in the shop, and therefore, the only time I’ve gone this long without using the computer since 2007 was either when I was in the hospital or when Serious_Face grounded me from my computer for four days because I said that I was more interested in looking at this than listen to him talk more about the differences between Greek and Roman coinage. (Men in my life are always over reacting!)

Also, while we’re on the subject of SPOP, this is what the front looks like:

Whoever comments and names the most characters/cuteness franchises represented here will get a Cuteness Appreciation Award and public recognition.

What has been keeping me away from my beloved? I’ve been working (at my job) quite a bit recently, but I’ve been sleeping poorly and constantly feeling run down. I’d come home from work or wake up in the morning and want to do nothing. I spent my free time this weekend entirely lying around and watching TV with Malignus. He even surprised me and came to pick me up from work and take me to go watch a movie and I was like “Just take me home for bed! I am going to die! My legs are going to break off at the knee and that would be sad!” (which made me feel like a total cuntmuffin but was absolutely the truth.)

I felt icky and gross, but I had not yet reached the point of True, Undeniable Sickness®: I still wanted to be spanked. So yesterday, I asked Malignus to spank me before I headed to work and then eagerly climbed over his lap. He spanked me with his hand, which does not mean that he went easy on me. I love hand-spankings because they’re at the very core of my kink and they feel so close and connecting, but in a lot of situations, one sacrifices the amount of hurt for that comfort. Except with Malignus. When he wants to, he makes a hand spanking hurt more than many other people’s best efforts with a hairbrush. This was what happened yesterday: he spanked me crazy hard and fast and left me crying out and gasping. When he stopped, he told me that was my warmup. I had a very scrunchy face. He then did the same thing to my thighs, and told me that was the warmup for my thighs. I was already on the verge of tears (which is really not surprising considering that he’s made me cry with a single swat from a dishtowel) when he directed me to get up and get over the bed. He then proceeded to give me a very quickly paced caning, covering both my bottom and my thighs, which left me crying very hard indeed.

When I sat up next to him to hug him, though, he started hitting the front of my thighs with it, which is a very mean thing to do. I think that the main reason he’s so crazy about hitting the front of my thighs is because he gets to look at my sad and pathetic face while he’s doing it, and because it hurts so much, it’s EXTREMELY sad. He started hitting me a bunch and I sat there crying and sobbing and doing what Ami calls “screaming like a dying monster.” He then stopped and I finished my crying and he would start again to make me cry a bit more. He then gave me the most difficult of instructions ever: “Don’t cry.” He returned to caning my thighs (they weren’t full strokes, mind you, but the amount of sting was ridiculous) and I tried my best not to cry. It didn’t last long, though, because Malignus collapsed on the bed and literally rolled around laughing. Apparently my sad face while trying not to cry was the saddest he’s ever seen me, and it filled his sadistic, little heart with such glee that he was “happier than he’d been in a long time.” We will eventually be recreating this on film for your viewing pleasure. I know it’s been a good scene when it ends with me crying and him grinning uncontrollably. It just makes the world feel right.

I don’t like going to work on the weekends, but the day went by very quickly when I was covered with welts and bruises. I felt warm and safe and loved. That said, impact play actually CAN’T cure all problems (WHO KNEW?!) and about halfway through my shift I started coughing and sniffling. By the time I got home, I felt about half dead. The mystery of why I’ve been so run down was finally solved: I was slowly but surely getting sick.

It’s actually good timing: I’m going away this weekend, so this means that I’ll be better by the time I leave and I won’t be likely to get sick again while I’m there. More details on where I’m going coming soon.

For now, though, I’ve been spending my time coughing and snuggling in bed with my Pikachu. I basically feel like this:

Hopefully, I can get back to my usual posting schedule. If I can stay awake long enough to write.

Posted in Daily Life | Tagged Caning, Crying, Daily Life, Scene Stories | 11 Comments

Valentine’s Day

Published February 16, 2012

There have been a lot of people posting all kinds of romantic and interesting stories about their Valentine’s Day celebrations and spankings and such things. Compared to some, mine was extremely simple. We’re going to celebrate things more this weekend: on Tuesday, Malignus and I both worked evening shifts. Unfortunately, the night before, neither of us got much sleep. Our original plan was to celebrate Valentine’s day earlier in the day before we went to work. I was extremely sleepy when Malignus woke me up, but less so after he gave me a very spontaneous but thorough “wake up caning” with a 1/8″ acrylic cane. Spontaneous spankings are very hard for me to be submissive during, because they go from “I’m doing nothing!” to “I’m getting spanked!” at an extremely high speed and therefore don’t leave me much (any) time to get into a submissive headspace. Still, I did a fairly good job of being still for it. I was wearing my pajamas still when I started getting caned, and about halfway through, Malignus pulled the bottoms and my panties down to cane me on my bare bottom. I rarely ever get bared by someone other than myself, so it had a strong psychological effect on me and brought me into a sort of warmly submissive headspace for the rest of the scene. This is a lot of writing about a very short thing: he caned me at a very fast pace and it didn’t last long at all, but it made me feel happy and loved, and was therefore certainly worth sharing.

After a little while of being awake, we decided that we didn’t want to go out that day after all because we were feeling excessively sleepy. First, though, we spent a little while hanging out in the bedroom and watching TV. We were in high spirits and Malignus was in a creatively sadistic mood. While I was only wearing a t-shirt and panties, he told me to hand him a short cane. He told me that he was going to hit me on the arm with it (he occasionally hits me with little force on my upper arm). I made a scrunchy face but braced myself for this. Instead, he hit me on the front of my thigh. That’s one of his favorite “games”: hitting me where I don’t expect it. Then he hit me on that thigh again. Then he hit me on the other thigh. Then I cried. Then he gave me a few rapid fire strokes on the back of one of my thighs as I was rolling around in pain. This particular cane is one that doesn’t get used as often as others, I think largely because it’s a shorter cane. I rarely ever get caned while OTK (although the first few canings I got, including very extended ones, were done that way) so my two shorter canes get less use than longer, more intimidating looking ones. The one that was selected on Valentine’s Day was an 18″ Tearjerker JR Delrin Cane from Cane-iac. It’s actually one of the first canes that I owned. Scotchgrove purchased it for me for my birthday. It’s one of those things that doesn’t look all that scary when you see it lying there:

Then you get hit with it a few times….

and suddenly it’s very intimidating indeed! The thing that I find the most amazing about this cane is just how much the welts raised after just a few moments:

Malignus said that it looked like I slept with Wolverine.

Another interesting thing about it: from time to time, cane strokes will break the skin a tiny bit or leave a little blood blister where the tip hit. For whatever reason, probably something good about the design, this cane just left a larger welt on the tip instead of a cut. That’s much nicer and probably better for people who don’t want to get broken skin. The marks kind of looked like this: •–––. Another nice thing (in this situation) was the fact that it’s a very stingy cane that isn’t particularly weight-bearing. This meant that I didn’t get as crazy of thigh bruising as I did the first time I got my thighs caned (which was with an acrylic cane.) It still hurt. A lot.

Finally, when we were playing around Malignus said something to tease me and I responded with “I’m going to poison your sandwich!” After he finished hitting me with things, he did indeed ask for a sandwich (that’s my usual aftercare: making him a sandwich :P). I had a bunch of kitten stickers left over from making my Valentine’s Day cards for my friends, so I stuck one on the top of the sandwich to be the poison. I felt very clever. Malignus responded by setting the sticker on fire in a candle. SAD FACE!

You can sort of see the burnt remnants of the sticker.

After some cuddling, we napped and then went off to work. I spent the rest of the night feeling contented, warm, loved and sore. It was a lovely day indeed. 😀

Posted in Photoshoots | Tagged Caning, Holidays, Photos, Special Occasion Spankings, Thighs, Valentine's Day | 11 Comments

Ten Day Journaling Meme

The Struggle

Tricky Pervertables

First Party: Final Chapter

First Party: Chapter 3

First Party: Chapter 2

First Party: Chapter 1

Extra Special Adventures, Coming Right Up!

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Valentine’s Day

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