I use formspring to answer questions that are posed by friends, readers, fans, whoever. Today, I checked my inbox and among some sexual questions that I didn’t feel like answering was the following query:
Who are you really?
At first glance, it’s the simplest question possible. I’m Alex, duh. But it came at a poignant moment for me, and it had a positive influence on my thought processes for a while. It’s one of the most important questions one can be asked or ask one’s self and it’s something that has been on my mind quite a bit recently. I’ve gone through a phase where I’ve been less than focused on being my best self. This isn’t to say that I’ve been something other than myself, or that I’ve been bad or awful or something. But when I read my older writing, there’s a difference. It isn’t that I lost something; more that I misplaced it. At worst, I’ve lost a sense of focus. I’ve been withdrawn and going through some things recently, and I’ve started to come out the other side. I know that this is vague, but I’m alright with that.
To answer this question, I could point to my fetlife profile, or post a photo, or do a bunch of other things, but I think what I’ll do is make a list of what I know to be true.
- I’m a thinking human being.
- I’m a woman.
- I’m smart.
- I enjoy writing, thinking, cooking, a variety of things that I find fun, submission, modeling and (of course) being spanked and I’m enhanced by these things.
- I am (at my best) a person of my choices and volition.
- I’m capable of doing a great many things.
- I’m not my body.
- I’m not other people’s perceptions of me.
- I’m not who I used to be.
- I’m not my past, or a product of it.
- I’m not what society makes me.
- I’m not the people that I love.
- I am neither my feelings and emotions nor (at my best) a product of them.
- I’m not just one of the sides of me. I can’t be shrunken down to being a cute girl or a bookish nerd or a spanko. I may present myself differently in different situations, but it doesn’t change who or what I am.
- I’m a good person and a strong person, but these are not inherent traits. These are choices that I have to constantly make.
- I am (again, at my best) a person that I like and who is worth liking.
[I did not post this to formspring because it bothered me to post it in two places. I can be like that sometimes.]WELL! Now that my deep stuff is out of the way, I’d like to direct your attention to my tumblr,
where I post very not deep photos :P. Special thanks to The-Boss-of-Me, parttimelondoner, for teaching me basic Photoshop and for being the boss of me. <3
3 Responses to An Important Question