Sex is pretty much the one topic that I don’t post about. Why not? Because I don’t mix spanking and sex, and I feel like a lame-o posting about something that doesn’t have anything to do with the purpose of this blog. I know a few people who successfully write off-topic posts that are very enjoyable, but I don’t know that I’ve reached the point where I’m good enough to pull that off.
Still, sex has made itself relevant to the conversation recently. I’ll explain how in a moment. First, some background.
*I’m polyamorous. All my relationships are open.
*I’m a pansexual. A person’s genital configuration and gender identity aren’t a factor in whether or not I am attracted to them. Somehow, this does not make it easier for me to get laid in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
*My boyfriend/Dominant/primary Top/HoH/favorite person, Malignus, is an asexual. This means that he is not sexually attracted to anyone. We’re romantically involved. We don’t have sex with each other. We don’t talk about sex. I’m pretty sure he’s never seen me entirely naked (except in photos on the internetz). Because of my strict wiring against mixing sex and spanking, this makes for the ideal relationship of the sort that we have.
*I don’t want to have sex with Malignus. At all. Ever. The fact that we have no sexual interest in one and other is a point of huge comfort for both of us. I get really grossed out when people imply that we’re doing it.
*I am in two other romantic relationships, both with sexual components. My boyfriend is on the West Coast and my girlfriend is on the East Coast. I have not seen either since I left California.
*Compared to other people interested in sex, I have a pretty low sex drive. Compared to my spank drive, I have like, no sex drive. I’d be pretty happy with having sex once every week or two.
*I have not had sex with another person in four months.
Four months got to be a bit much for me, and sex got to be on my brain again. I decided to start looking into finding a sexual partner. This has proved extremely challenging.
Here’s the thing: I want to date outside of the BDSM community here, for two reasons. First of all, I’m really lame and vanilla in bed. I do not like to have sex that hurts, even a little bit. If someone smacks my ass during sex, well, they’ve ruined it. Any accouterments of “the scene” (even dumb, sex store versions of them) just don’t belong with sex for me. Sorrryyyyyy! The second reason is drama. The scene here is my primary social circle. Sex between friends can lead to drama. It is my goal to avoid that at all costs.
Due to the second reason that I’ve listed, I don’t want to date people that I work with. Unfortunately, that leaves me with no other people that I know. So, I did what I did every time I’ve moved to a new city: I started a page on okcupid. In New York and Los Angeles, that quickly produced matches in the 90 percent range with interesting, educated people. I uploaded a quick couple of cell phone photos and started to fill out my page.
|See the watermark? I left that there to prove I’m really on a dating site!|
My page here was kind of like my fetlife profile, only without mention of spanking and way more pretentious/geeky. I’m sure you’re wondering how both those things are possible. I’m not linking to my vanilla identity (even if it doesn’t include my real name at all) here, so you’ll have to use your imaginations. I then answered 75 of the “match questions” in hopes of making the things that are important to me clear.
The site didn’t fail to disappoint me: within 20 minutes of completing this, I got a message from a guy who seemed to be on the opposite side of the fence from me on every issue possible, including things like religion, politics, evolution and birth control. The message simply read “your sexy.” I’ve yet to find any person on there who seems to share any of my actual interests, besides an interest in wanting to have genital contact with another person. How hard is it to find someone who likes Foucault, Terrance Malick, The Mountain Goats, homemade bread or pandas?! I’m not saying I want them all, just one!
The extreme lack of eligible mates in the vanilla dating pool leads me to the main problem, and the reason that I brought the s-word up in the first place. How the hell am I going to find a person outside of the scene who is going to be comfortable with my lifestyle? There’s no way that I can hide it from them. On any given day, I’ve got bruises on my bottom. Furthermore, why would I want to be involved with someone with whom I cannot share this very base part of me? The problem is with finding someone who is willing to accept what I do without wanting to do it with me.
I guess, at the end of the day, I can’t look too hard. My current plan is to consider all my options and not limit myself so much, and be less afraid and more open about who I am with people that I meet. The idea of being more “out” has been pretty appealing to me once I got past the point where I was ashamed of myself as a spanko.
I know that a lot of people don’t have the same sort of arrangement as I do in terms of separating sexual partners and spanking partners, but still: how has dating worked for you, as a spanko? Did your current partner know about your spanko-nature when they got involved with you? How did you bring it up?
Well, talking about sex was awkward. I blushed. The best thing to do when things are awkward is to show the internet your boobs, right?
Today’s Valentine’s day. Both Malignus and I have to work, but we’ll be doing something special earlier in the day. It will probably involve A) romance and B) spanking. Win-win. Expect a more spanking-heavy post tomorrow. 😀
I was browsing through my search terms when I saw one that really struck my eye: “Land girls spanked.”
“I think I have a lot of aquatic visitors,” I told Malignus. “They’re looking for something other than the boring mermaid spanking photos they’re used to.”
I’d imagine that my blog satisfied the searcher’s desires: I live on the land and am not a mermaid or other kind of aquatic being, and I get spanked with extreme frequency. It did, however, get me wondering. Do mermaid spanking photos exist? I’ve never seen such a thing or even thought about the idea! I was slightly taken aback that there was a spanking scenario that I hadn’t even considered. I discovered a couple of things when I got to work googling.
First, I found this cartoon, courtesy of the Chicago Spanking Review:
I like her shocked face when he bares her bottom. OH SNAP! You got pwnd! Additionally, the sailor looks extremely pleased with himself while spanking her in that last image. That seems very accurate to me. I don’t get to see my tops faces while they are spanking me, obviously, but I’d imagine that’s kind of what they look like. Unfortunately, I doubt the verisimilitude of successfully delivering a bare bottom spanking in a rowboat. Also of mermaids. But whatever.
Secondly, I found this photo via Dave Wolfe’s blog:
This time, it’s the mermaid who seems pleased with herself. Seeing dolls spanking each other made me pretty nostalgic: my ken dolls and my Aladdin doll were total spanko players and always had some barbie or similar sized doll over their laps. None of my girls ever got spanked by a sea monster, though. Nor have I, for that matter. Hmmmm. . . bucket list addition? 😛
Finally, I found this real life photo of Dallas of Dallasspankshard.com spanking a girl dressed as a mermaid:
I enjoy checking the search terms that bring readers to my blog. I find it particularly pleasing when people get here by searching for my name. Sometimes, people search for things that are very appropriate indeed: “happy consensual spanking,” “girls who love to be spanked” and “writing about spanking” all make a lot of sense. Others make me a little scrunchy in the face, but may well be true: “people who cry a lot” and “the spanking model who cries the most” were high on that list. Some are just slightly creepy, or at the very least, too extreme for me: “dark blue ass after caning”and “spanking till scars” are in the DO NOT DO category. Some people get really ridiculous ones, but thus far, I haven’t really had that many of those.
Tonight, however, I saw a search term come up that was almost a request: someone searched for “Alex Reynolds Lexan Video.” Now, I can tell you straight up, dear searcher, sadly for you, but probably happily for me, such a video does not exist. It may well exist someday, though, and if it does, it’s going to be one pathetic film. I’ve talked before about having a “love/hate relationship” with certain implements. I wouldn’t say that’s the case with my lexan paddle. I’m pretty sure I just have a “hate/hate relationship” with it.
My original lexan paddle is a Lexan OTK Paddle from Cane-iac.com. It was purchased for me by my friend, IG, who is tremendously sadistic. There are a couple of things that I find noteworthy about this particular piece: first of all, it’s thickness is significant. It’s 1/2 inch lexan, where as almost all other lexan paddles are 1/4th inch. That means that it’s heavy and solid and packs an incredible amount of weight. The second feature is that it has a “blade” of only six inches in length. Having a small surface area means that all the force of a strike is concentrated in a small area of the bottom (or, in more terrible cases, the thighs) and makes it hurt a lot in one spot instead of spreading it out. It’s a recipe for serious agony.
That’s the physical side of things: there’s also a psychological component for me (as there always is). IG’s partner and submissive, my friend Peachy, had told me all kinds of stories about what a horrible implement it was before I received my own for my birthday. I brought it with me on a visit to Malignus’ and he discovered it the second morning that I was there. He brought it out and asked me if I’d ever felt Lexan before. I told him I had not, and he told me how truly terrible it was and said that it was too sadistic even for him: an idea which was kind of terrifying to me, considering our previous experiences together. He then said that he was going to give me four swats with it, so that I could understand what I was dealing with, but that he would probably never use it again. Because tops can’t count, I then got six swats with it on top of the mess of bruises that I’d already had from the night before. It was horrible: the pain was deep penetrating and sort of “buzzed.” It was a mixture of way too much sting and way too much thud. I was extremely grateful for the idea that it wasn’t going to be used again. Except for the fact that it totally was, a bunch of times, and it continues to be fairly regularly. It really, really hurts, but I know that my experience of it is greatly enhanced by the amount that it has been built up in my mind as something ridiculously horrible. Truth be told, the other night Malignus made me cry just by leading me into the bedroom with it in his hand.
Fast forward to this month: I had recently gotten back from my visit to my family’s house when another package from IG arrived. He had certainly one-upped himself: besides containing a few other choice nightmare-makers, he had sent me a new lexan paddle:
It is also 1/2 inch thick, but it’s quite a bit larger and it has holes in it. It’s heavy and thick and doesn’t create an air cushion. It does create screaming, though: it’s now tied for the thing which hurts the most in the entire world. I think that highest amount of strikes I’ve received from it at a time is four and that’s way more than enough for me.
Here it is pictured with my original paddle (which I still despise.)
Since I can’t provide you with a video to satisfy your curiosity, dear searcher, I hope this story will suffice. Here is a photo of my butt after a very hard spanking with the smaller lexan paddle (without a warmup and starting with the thighs, because I live with a horrible sadist.) There are also older cane bruises that still show a bit- I think they are from playing Zelda.
Oh, right. I went away to my family’s house for the holidays. Then I came back.
I’m kidding, I’m kidding. There’s more to the story than that!
Being with my family of origin is hard. My mother and I have had a difficult relationship for my entire life. Sometimes I just think I’ll never go visit them again, but since my mother is in poor health and my oldest brother just passed away, I knew it was the right thing to do.
The visit was really stressful, though. My mother and I quarreled a lot, she didn’t let me do anything, she said awkward things all the time (like asking me if I was saving it for marriage!) and I was reminded of all the reasons I left home at such a tender young age in the first place. Plus, I attended my brother’s memorial service, which was extremely bittersweet. I had already found closure for myself, but it hurt to see so many other people suffering and there were instances of prejudice against the HIV positive expressed *during the service* which really boiled my blood.
There were also awkward spanko moments- my family members mainly bought me practical gifts, and practical gifts for a woman tend to be kitchen things where I come from. I got ANOTHER rubber spatula (this one did go in the kitchen, but it was still awkward) and I got another wooden spoon. I have a lot of wooden spoons. Malignus doesn’t like me using them in the kitchen because he doesn’t want them to absorb germs or something like that. Basically, I am pretty sure he just wants to keep them all for spanking me. Besides, the spoon I got from the family is a really beauty from a spanking perspective: nice, long handle, perfectly flat back, smooth, strong beech wood.
|Yep: I’m aware that this is the most ridiculous photo of me I’ve ever posted to this blog!|
Then there was the gift exchange with my cousin, who bought me a set of FIVE hairbrushes. My mom said “Oh good! Alex can really use those! I’ve bought more hairbrushes for that girl than anyone needs in a life time and yet they always end up lost or broken.” Broken, yes, Mom. Into pieces. On my ass. But you don’t need to know that!
Then there was the awkward conversation in which my surviving brother attempted to convince me that I should use a bathbrush in the shower because they feel really nice and offered to buy me one. No. Bathbrushes DO NOT feel really nice. They feel like death. Like every swat is taking minutes off my lifespan. I don’t care how they feel in the shower: if it’s in my shower, it’s in my house and THAT’S BAD!
Finally, there were the little things: the fact that I notice awkward spanking related things EVERYWHERE and want to giggle or make an awkward face and can’t in vanilla company:
|I’m wearing these to get spanked sometime!|
Beside all this, I had trouble sleeping and I really missed Malignus. It certainly made me appreciate just how wonderful my life here is, though. I’m able to truly be myself at all times and I’m with someone who loves me for exactly that, not for who I pretend to be or who I change myself into. That in and of itself is more than I ever dreamed of. Add in the fact that we have a lot of fun together, I get to cook and clean, and I get a good spanking almost every day and I’m made aware that I’m pretty much the luckiest girl in Spankingland.
Coming home on Tuesday to this was just lovely. There really aren’t words for how nice it was. When I was a girl and I was obsessed with Roald Dahl’s book, Boy, there was a section that I enjoyed that didn’t have any beatings in it. This was where Dahl discussed the joy of going home from school for the summer holidays. I specifically remember him saying something along the lines of “The feeling is incredible and can’t be understood except by someone who has lived in an oppressive environment and then gone back to a place of freedom. It was almost worth going away to school just to experience the joy of being away from it.” I always liked imagining what that would be like: to leave my normal and unenjoyable childhood and go to a place of freedom. Leaving my family’s home to go back to my new adult life reminded me of that. It’s a very pleasant thing, getting to experience the stuff you’ve always wanted! 😀
On Tuesday, after Malignus picked me up from the airport, we got a pizza and went home to watch the first two Rocky movies (which I’d never seen before, despite being a film aficionado.) After the second movie, it was late and I was tired, plus I still had a lot of residual stress from the past week built up in my system. I asked Malignus is he was going to spank me that night, since I usually go across his lap before going to bed, and he said “a little bit.” I was kind of imagining a firm but not miserable hand-spanking based on that response. I was alright with that: I hadn’t been spanked for nine whole days! Better ease back into it, right?
Then I saw him coming into the bedroom with my new spoon. He had swatted me with it earlier and it had made me howl. My stomach dropped. This reflected in a very sad look on my face. Malignus asked me if I was scared about how much the spanking would hurt and I replied that I was. “You should be,” he said. He’s very encouraging. 😛
I bared my bottom and got in position over his lap and he asked me if I wanted a warm up. I gave the most heartfelt and earnest rendition of “Yes, please, Sir!” ever heard by man, I’m pretty sure. Warmups are kind of a luxury for me, and I hadn’t really been expecting one, but the idea sounded so nice.
Then Malignus said “Too bad!” and started laying into me. Then I started howling. It would probably not have been a very pretty thing to listen to. The stupid thing was agonizingly painful and it kept falling with an extremely fast pacing. It hurt so much that I very quickly began to sob. The spanking just kept going, though, without any sign that the pace was slowing. He spanked me very thoroughly: as is usual, he didn’t spare my thighs in the least, and this time he put considerable time and attention into beating my sit-spots. He eventually stopped with the spoon and spent a while spanking me firmly but much more slowly with his hand while my cries began to quiet. It took me a little bit after the spanking finished to stop crying, but my stress and tension had been replaced with a remarkable sense of calm and security. Laying over the lap of the man I love with a bruised, swollen bottom throbbing with pain, I felt like I had no reason to be anything but content and joyful. Very shortly thereafter, I lay in bed with my head resting on his chest and fell asleep.
Because I went directly to bed, I did not photograph my butt when it was properly marked, but I woke up looking like this:
I was looking through the front page of my blog and I discovered something extremely unsettling: there were no photos of my butt on it! Fortunately, I have the ability to fix that :P.
Please enjoy these sample frames from my shoot with Chelsea Pfeiffer. The videos and photosets appear on Good Spanking: you can find me right on the front page. You should all be able to recognize my butt by now, right? I really recommend that you go check it out: it was a lot of fun to shoot, and it’s one of the videos that has the strongest representation of me as myself, since it’s a reality shoot where I’m not playing a character. I love scenes (and videos) like that: you start with two spankos. I’m a bottom, he or she is a top, and therefore, there’s a spanking. Thinking about it makes me want to be over a lap right now (oh wait, that’s always the case, isn’t it?)
|Or over an ottoman. That works too. Bare bottomed and over SOMETHING, please!|
When I woke up the morning after, my butt looked like this:
|Excuse all the packing that is going on in the background.|
On Saturday night, MaskofNormality, Princesstoy and I had dinner together at a Thai restaurant, where we were the only patrons and we talked quietly about kink things the entire time. We also had delicious coconut ice cream. Mmmmm! I already had my makeup on for my second costume, so it was a little strange to the waitress, I think.
From there, we went to the Bordello of Decadence: a play space in Rosemead. It was my first time there and I was really only going because it was a Halloween party and a lot of my friends were there. Pretty shortly upon arriving, I met up with my friend Porcelain Ass, who was dressed as a school girl. Princesstoy was dressed as a sailor girl and MaskofNormality was dressed as Max from “Where the Wild Things Are.” His was pretty much my favorite halloween costume ever. He made it himself and it looked EXACTLY like I imagined Max’s outfit would in real life. He even made fuzzy shoe covers. I couldn’t stop hugging him because it was so cute. I was wearing a pink hamster suit. It was fleecy and warm, though, so halfway through the night I stripped down to my panties and tanktop and ran around like that.
[I might be adding a photo here. I am waiting for permission from my friend who is also in it.]
I didn’t play at this party, but I did get to watch an awesome scene between MaskofNormality and Princesstoy. Princesstoy positively shrieks when she gets spanked hard! They were horror movie screams. MoN did an awesome job topping: he’s usually a bottom, but he totally pwnd Princesstoy, all while wearing his fuzzy outfit 😀 Epic. Win.
I was still super sore from my spanking yesterday, especially on the areas that were covered which were previously under-spanked: Sir Siq was able to get different “territory” because he was standing on the other side of me while I was over Maddycake’s lap. Sore bottom + fleecy pajama material = mmmmmmm. Positively cozy. The weather outside was cool and foggy and it made me look forward to this winter, when I can come in from the cold, get warmed up by a good spanking and then cuddle up in something warm.
I’d be lying if I said that BoD was a favorite playspace: it doesn’t have any private rooms, and I don’t think there are any places there where I would be able to get into a good headspace during a scene. It did, however, have a good layout for socializing and pretty nice snacks :). In all, it was certainly a nice play for a big party, but not somewhere that I would go with the intention of playing.
BoD is across the street from a graveyard, and as we were walking out the sky was a bit too light for the time of night it was, but the street was heavy with fog. It was perfect murder weather. That made the night even more Halloween-y.
On Sunday, Maddycake came over again and we did literally all the rest of my packing (except the things I’ll need for the next 10 days) and had lots of snuggles. I’m going to miss all the people I’ve talked about in this entry way too much. On a side note, Monday and today have been a bit gloomy for me: part of it is the drop from having spent the weekend surrounded by all my favorite Los Angeles people. Part of it is the weather: it has stayed gray and rainy over here. Part of it is the fact that now that all my stuff is packed up, my apartment feels weird and sad. There’s also the fact that I’ve been worrying about making friends and whether or not I’ll be liked in my new community once I move to South Dakota. I spent most of my life being awkward and generally unpopular, so it’s a hard worry to shake. I’ll be with Malignus, and that fills me with glee and happiness, but I’m going to need some other friends, especially girls who want to squee over kitties and cute fuzzy stuff (when Malignus isn’t around). I know a few people online and I’ve met a couple of people in person who seem pretty awesome, so hopefully things will work out for me in that department.
Finally, I’m shooting with Chelsea Pfieffer on Friday and Lily Starr again on the first of the month. Pretty exciting stuff!
I’m back to my regularly scheduled program, so expect posting to go back to its normal pace.