I’m back from approximately 11,587 adventures that have left me away from home and mostly off the internet for a long time. Paul is in England and I’m back in Los Angeles, so for the time being, we aren’t shooting anything for Northern Spanking or our other forthcoming projects, which means that I have a little bit more free time than I usually do. I spent the morning catching up on email, and I have my House Boy coming to do chores this afternoon. I decided that it would be really nice to get back into blogging, if I can. Blogging used to be such a habit for me, but when I start again, it never sticks. It makes sense. My life is full to the brim with travel, producing and appearing in videos, doing sessions, going to events and spending time with partners and friends. It gets overwhelming pretty often, and during times when it isn’t, I feel the need to unplug and just enjoy being with people. At the same time, I love being able to share my stories and come home from my trips with something that all of you can enjoy, too.
So, let’s try again. Maybe this will be an isolated post, or maybe it won’t. We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?
Working backwards in terms of places I’ve been recently, I arrived home from Denver the other night. Denver, of course, is where I go to shoot for the Real Spankings sites, and to visit my BFF, Amoni, who lives out there.
I shoot for Real Spankings a couple of times a year, generally speaking. It used to be more often than that when I lived in the midwest and had a life that it was easier to sneak away from. Real Spankings was one of the first spanking websites that I ever looked at when I was starting to explore what the internet had to offer– I think this is the case for many people. I remember being totally enamored with it, and I know that lots of aspects of it made an imprint on the way that my fetish developed.
The first times that I went out and shot for their site were nerve wracking but extremely exciting. I was such a fan girl, having watched these videos for years and years at this point. Real Spankings has a very particular aesthetic, and even though the location where they shoot has moved a lot of times, they’ve kept the look of the spaces consistent with the same furniture, wardrobe et cetera. It was a really immersive experience to then be able to walk directly into that world and be a part of it. The first time I wore the Real Spankings Institute uniform I felt like I was going to die from excitement.
Besides all the giddiness I had about participating in something that I’ve loved for a long time, there was a huge level of apprehension surrounding those first couple of shoots because, uh, the spankings on those sites are really hard. I remember wondering if I was going to be able to take it. It felt kind of like an ultimate test to me. At the time, I was playing really hard on a regular basis though, so I had a lot of confidence in my ability to endure. I was right– it was a painful experience, of course, but a very positive one and I was eager to repeat it.
The first two or even three times that I shot for Real Spankings, Michael Masterson wasn’t there. He was on a hiatus from appearing on film. The first time that I went out and met him was a really, really big deal for me. He was one of the first video Tops that I really fixated on, and I was both worried about making myself look stupid in front of him and I had more than a little healthy fear of getting spanked by him.
One of the ways that I’ve been most fortunate in my adventures exploring the world of spanking is the fact that the majority of the people that I was a fan of before meeting turned out to be genuinely amazing in real life. Sometimes I take a step back from my life and think about how surprised the younger version of myself would be by the adventures that I’m having and the wonderful people I get to spend time with. While I was in Denver, I had a moment like this. I realized that I was texting my partner, Paul Kennedy, to tell him about the great day that I had with my friend, Michael Masterson. I can’t imagine how badly it would have blown my mind to have known that this was going to end up being my life.
Anyway, in the present, I have become really close friends with Michael, and shooting for RS has remained something really special for me. It’s a space where I enjoy pushing myself, and Michael is one of the people who I trust the most to push me.
The idea of limits within a spanking scene is something that can be tricky. The more calloused side of myself sometimes hears someone (or even myself) say “I can’t take that” and thinks “well, what’s going to happen? Are you going to burst into flames?” For a long time, I thought that setting limits was a weakness and I did very little of that. There were things that I wasn’t going to seek out, but I was generally happy to take what I was given.
Then, I went through a period of time where I became very emotionally vulnerable and I came to understand the limits that people set for themselves quite a lot more. I struggled to relax and let things happen to me because I was afraid of getting hurt. This was something that colored my life for a long time, and which I’ve only recently been able to fully shake off. Even during the time that I was most protective and concerned, I felt totally safe and happy to push myself when shooting for RS. I’ve always felt so safe and emotionally comfortable there. I know that the spankings I’m going to get are going to hurt and leave me feeling sore, but I also know that I’m going to be safe and secure while it’s happening and that no one is going to do me any harm. This allows me to just be the person that I am and enjoy what we’re doing.
Basically, they’ve created an environment that makes me want to give it my all, to keep pushing myself and to make something that I really love and value.
All this said, a side effect of this environment is that I can let my headspace be really…real. I can let myself get really worked up over the spankings that I’m going to get because I know just how much they’re going to hurt. I always plan these trips pretty far in advance, and there’s a slow building of anticipation as the date approaches. I’ll be talking about my upcoming plans and I’ll mention going to go shoot for Real Spankings with *just a twinge* of nervousness about what that means: it’s still really far off at this point.
As my trip to Denver was getting closer and closer, I started thinking more and more about what was looming in my future and I started building it up in my head. I started remembering particularly hard spankings that I got in the past. I started remembering them really vividly, and these memories made my heart pound. There were times when I got spanked really, really hard. I was crying and struggling and deep in the headspace of being punished. Remembering these things nervously and knowing that they’re in the future as well as the past is an intense headspace experience for me. It creates just the right kind of fear. I have to really trust someone to feel the right kind of fear before a scene, but when I do, it makes the whole experience feel so authentic and all encompassing for me. For a scene to be totally gratifying for me, it has to build up this way.
By the time that I flew into Denver, I had worked myself up over this quite a lot.
My girlfriend, Adriana Evans, was already in Denver. We were going to be shooting together the next day. I’ve gotten to see Adriana a lot recently and I’ve been totally spoiled by it. She’s one of my favorite people in the world and we always have so much fun together. Being with her makes me feel really young and lighthearted. We got to hang out with Michael before shoot day, and had lots of fun.
The next day was time to shoot, at which point I was full of (enjoyable) nervous energy. It was so much fun to get to share this experience with Adriana, who totally gets me and who was greatly contributing to my headspace. She’s also just the best. I love doing anything with her.
We shot six scenes this day, and they built up in terms of toughness. The first scene was hand only, and I got to be a pervy voyeur while Adriana got spanked, so that was lots of fun. The next two scenes were harder: we both got strapped in both of them. Michael got the tops of my thighs a little bit with the second strap and I was a very sorry girl indeed. Listening to Adriana get her punishment and holding her wrists while she did it was very headspacey for me, too. These two scenes left me crying out and squirming around a little bit, but I was able to take them fairly well.
We were halfway through, but I knew that the second half was going to be more than a bit harder to take.
That didn’t mean it wasn’t fun, though! We got to do a scene where we wore the famous Real Spankings dropseat pajamas: one of the only things that I really remember watching but never had a chance to actually wear.
We took our dress up games too far, and got the belt. (This scene includes something special and exciting, too, that is right up Adriana’s alley, haha). We got to cuddle each other afterwards and enjoy a nice, lovey moment:
Real talk: this scene was hard and I was really struggling to be good during it. Michael’s belt isn’t just a normal belt. It’s crazy thick and very serious business and it always makes me particularly sorry. We got belted standing and bending over, which is a position that I struggle to maintain. I have to pay attention to keeping myself upright, which makes it harder for me to get into my totally passive headspace and prevents me from blocking out the pain a little with this. My butt was hot and my skin felt swollen and sore by the time this was done. I was close to crying, but not exactly there. Fortunately, I had Adriana to give me a bunch of cuddles, because I knew what was coming next: paddling.
Every time I come to shoot for Real Spankings, I get a school paddling. It’s just a fact of life. It’s ten swats, and I’m always telling myself “anyone can take ten swats of anything” when I become nervous. But those swats count. The whole thing is such an experience…it really feels like I’m actually getting punished at school. It’s (almost always) over jeans, which gives a certain level of protection and creates verisimilitude, but it also means that the swats can be that much harder. I used to be scared of getting paddle swats because I didn’t know what it would feel like…and now I’m scared of them because I do. There’s nothing else in the world that feels the same way. It’s this sudden an inescapable pain that comes with so much *force*. It feels like I’m going to go flying across the room. The sound is so loud, too, and the louder something is, the scarier it is. But it isn’t just sound: these swats are the kind of thing that you feel for a long time after the scene.
I managed to keep myself from getting *too* worked up this time. Sometimes, I get so deeply into my headspace that I start feeling lightheaded (I love it). I was feeling a little sweaty though, and my heart was definitely pounding. To make matters worse, Adriana got paddled first. Which is fair to her, really, since I’ve been paddled way more often than she has and that’s the way it’s supposed to work, right? The more experienced friend is the one who has to listen and worry?
I was very worried. The swats sounded hard and loud and Adriana was practically yelling by the end.
I was very hesitant as I got up and got in position for my paddling. I felt like I could look over to Adriana for support but I was too focused on what was going on inside my head for that. It was just as hard as I was worried it would be. I *did* yell, and probably sounded truly pathetic, to be perfectly honest. I fell deep into the emotional space of having been punished (even though it obviously wasn’t real) and felt very sore and sorry by the time it was over. But I didn’t cry. I was close, but not exactly there.
I usually cry whenever I shoot for Real Spankings, but sometimes I don’t– it just depends. I was in a pretty good emotional space and not carrying around baggage that I needed to get out, and I was well rested and surrounded by friends, so any tears that were going to come would just be from headspace and, yep, pain, not from me letting go of things I was carrying around (which sometimes happens in my life, and is honestly a great thing for me).
The last scene of the day was a school girl one, and it started out lighthearted and fun but as soon as I got the first smack with a heavy wooden ruler, I realized just how sore and busted my butt was and I immediately felt tears building. It had been a long day and my butt was really feeling it. Even though it didn’t really fit the scene, I felt comfortable to just let go and fall into that and I started crying. I honestly would have been disappointed if I hadn’t. This was the final piece of making the whole thing truly intense.
At the end of the scene, I got six strokes with a heavy yard stick and six with the cane and I just sobbed the whole time. Because spankings hurt, and what else are you supposed to do? I felt a little hazy afterwards: that’s a lot of adrenaline and endorphins, but I felt good. My needs were met, and I knew that the videos we had filmed were going to be great. Plus, I had gotten to share all these intense scenes with Adriana and Michael, two people I just adore.
My job is hard and demanding, but damn, it’s great sometimes. :3
We finished off our visit with a quick trip to Red Rocks:
That night, I went to Amoni’s house, where I immediately went to her freezer and stole an ice pack. I was definitely bruised and marked and it really did hurt to sit. It was great.
I was only in Denver for a day and a half after that, and I spent most of the time just hanging out with Amoni (and petting her really cute dog):
I also got to go see the Mountain Goats the next night, but this is Alex in Spankingland, not Alex in Indie Music Land so I won’t go into it too much. Suffice to say, it was a brilliant show and I had an amazing time.
The next morning I had to get up early to head back to LA. I was still very tender as I sat on the flight home!
Note: This post contains explicit references to F/F sexuality. In fact, it’s the most blatantly sexual post I’ve ever written. If you’re uncomfortable with this, please skip it!
A couple weeks ago, I visited friends in Denver before heading to Chicago for Crimson Moon. I had a great time while I was there. One of the many highlights of the trip was getting to spend time with Amoni. Amoni is, hands down, one of my best friends ever. I feel like a lucky girl to know her, and even more so that I get to hang out and goof off with her a few times a year. One day when we were hanging out, we decided that we needed to go to the store to pick up a few things. Amoni needed to get face wash, so we ended up in that section of the store, where I was distracted by hairbows. Just down the row from there, I saw something else related to hair: brushes.
Now, it’s debatable as to whether or not I actually needed a new hairbrush. I had recently broken one of mine while giving a particularly hard spanking in a session. Despite this causality, I still had three good ones left. So, I was looking kind of casually. Amoni pointed out one with a slotted back, which I rejected. Then this one caught my eye:
It was called the “Goody Heritage Collection” and had a very vintage look to it. It looks very similar to my Mason Pearson brush, except it’s much larger. Quickly opening the box proved that it was indeed made of wood, and although not murderously heavy, delivered a sharp sting when I gave my hand a test swat. It was about $16.00: clearly I needed it.
We finished our other shopping and checked out, then headed back to Tasha and Steven’s house, where I was staying. After a short period of chatting, I got out my hairbrush.
“You should probably spank me with this, to test it out,” I suggested to Amoni, handing it to her. Amoni has spanked me several times before. The first time was under the instructions of an ex-Dom of mine, and most of the ones after that had been in order to make my bottom look red for pictures, an act which we had started to call “pinking” me. One of our first “full formed” scenes had taken place at the local spanking party in Denver the last time I had visited. While we were both dressed as school girls, she had taken me across her lap as she sat on the floor. I was significantly welted from the Real Spankings shoot that I had done earlier in the week, so she started off fairly slowly. When she gave me harder smacks over my welts, I was squirming and struggling:
And so, with the memory of this in mind, I handed Amoni the hairbrush and crawled over her lap as she sat on the bed. Leaving my soft, pink panties on, she started by massaging and rubbing my bottom for a while, before giving me a warmup. The warmup was nice: similarly nice to the spanking she had given me at Scarlet Moons. I felt myself growing very warm indeed: both in the sense that stinging was starting to collect on my bottom and that warmth and wetness were gathering between my legs. In the hopes of being a polite and non disruptive house guest, I’d been refraining from my usual bedtime rituals which, when at home, include a lot of fairly boisterous masturbation. As such, I was particularly horny.
“Amoni,” I suggested, “we should just forget about the hairbrush and do what we did last time, instead. I changed my mind.”
I was blindingly aroused, and her smacks to my tender areas between my legs were making me whine and writhe. Still, I didn’t explode with orgasm the way that I had last time. Finally, she stopped spanking me for a moment. For a half second, I thought that she was reaching for the hairbrush, which seemed like a very mean thought at the moment. Instead, she gently stroked her fingers across the gusset of my panties, commenting that they were particularly wet and making me blush. She began to stroke my clit through the soft, wet material, as I remained lying over her lap, my bottom high and sore from having been spanked. Thinking about the fact that I was already quite sore, I suddenly focused on a single thought:
After I come, I’m going to get the hairbrush.
As it was a new implement, I had no idea how much it was going to hurt, but getting a hairbrush spanking is never entirely friendly. My sudden focus on my fear of the impending hairbrush spanking only shortened the amount of time before it arrived: I grew more and more aroused, panting and shaking until her simple ministrations made me tip over the edge, yelping, wriggling and calling out in ecstasy.
After a few moments of catching my breath and cuddling over her lap, Amoni announced that it was time for the hairbrush. She started fairly lightly, but even the gentle smacks stung. Because that’s what hairbrushes do: they sting. They concentrate a lot of sting into one relatively small area and push it in so that you can’t ignore it. This particular brush had a less shiny surface than a lot of the hairbrushes that I’ve been getting spanked with recently, and I could feel the difference. It had a less sharp sting than its shiny counterparts. Although not extremely weight bearing (I would still put it in the “light weight” category) it didn’t have much cushioning, so it gave a little thud on each of the harder smacks. I soon was crying out in pain, my bottom feeling swollen and hot. Not wanting to give me TOO hard of a spanking, not too long after I began to struggle, Amoni stopped and gave me some after care.
It’s a very good hairbrush. I’m certainly glad that I bought it. 😛
I’m now going to write a series of posts about the time that Paul and I spent together at the Cabin, and at Florida Moonshine. Be warned that a lot of this is gushy and “OH MY GOD I’M SO HAPPY.” These posts, however, are not any more explicit than the other stuff that I post is.
Finally, the morning arrived on which I was going to pick Paul up. His flight schedule was super confusing to me, so I ended up getting Amoni up way earlier than was necessary. It was insanely early in the morning and I hadn’t slept much, but I was full to the brim with energy. I’m not a morning person. Paul is one of the only people for whom I can be cheerful in the morning. Usually, I’m a grumpy ball of “Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t anything. Stop existing, Universe.”
I spent a very long time getting put together that morning, making sure that everything was perfect. I knew that I could have just showed up looking like I do on an average day and he’d have thought I was beautiful, but this was the first time he was going to see me without the aid of a camera since I became his girlfriend, and I wanted it to be ideal. Because I didn’t feel like I “had to” look any particular way for him, and my girliness came from me, it felt like a sign of love.
|I bought this birds dress with Heather W. The girly feeling went well with my emotions for the day. I also had on ruffly knee socks and a slip, because that’s how to be fancy, right?|
Amoni and I got to the airport around the time that he was leaving his layover, since I was bad at the schedule (although the fact that I was early was much better than the other way!) so we went out to breakfast and did some shopping. I bounced everywhere. I was tremendously high strung and I had an insanely quick heart rate all day long. Just getting a text from Paul makes me smile uncontrollably Any form of communication makes my heart jump. Seeing him? After months? After so much had changed, grown and developed? My heart beat like a kitten’s.
Finally, we went back to the airport and watched the screens, as his flight was delayed. Amoni sat with me as I jittered, trying to sip at a cup of tea, bouncing in place. The last time Paul and I saw each other before this was at the airport in London, as I was getting ready to leave to go back to Sioux Falls. We were sitting in a cafe eating breakfast and I said “I can’t believe we’ve spent less than a month together. I feel like I’ve known you forever.”
“Now you will,” he said. We were tactile then, sometimes holding hands, very often cuddling on the sofa, but still guarded in many ways. I knew that I had feelings for him then, but I didn’t know what they were exactly. It was mostly just nice. Saying goodbye had been difficult, and at the moment that it hurt so badly to pry myself away, to detach, I had started to understand.
At the airport in Denver now, I waited and waited, feeling tortured by the slow progression of time. Eventually I looked down at my phone for something and Amoni said “Oh hey, is that him?” At first I didn’t see him and thought she was teasing me. Then I did. I sort of threw my stuff at Amoni and ran, more wildly than I usually would ever run in a public place. I was careful not to knock him over when I started hugging, but I basically threw myself into it. It was the best feeling. I thought that my heart was going to pop with joy. Then we kissed. It was the first time we ever had, and we did it for ages right in the middle of the crowded airport. It was perfect, perfect, perfect. We eventually went back to regular hugging, and exchanged our first “I love you” that wasn’t through a microphone or typing.
“We should probably go find Amoni. I kinda threw all my stuff at her and ran over here,” I finally told him, and we did. Amoni was the first of my friends at home to be introduced to him, and that was exciting, too.
|First picture of us together as a couple!|
We went to baggage claim to get Paul’s stuff, and then to the shuttle to pick up our rental car and I was super hyped up, talking way too fast, unable to be calm, unable to be still, ridiculously energetic and nervous and excited. I was probably pretty annoying to be around after an insanely long period of traveling, honestly. Butitwasthemostexcitingthingeverandicouldntevenstoptobreathe
Eventually we got the car and said goodbye to Amoni, who I hugged super tightly. She’d taken really good care of me and been incredibly patient in the past few days as I talked about things non stop. Then we were alone together. We stopped somewhere to get food, since Paul was starving, and the pace of things slowed down a little. We were just sitting there talking. We held hands across the table, and he gently rubbed mine. I sometimes fell into nervousness. I’ve mentioned this before, but Paul is the only person with whom I’ve gotten together romantically and not stopped having a crush on. I start acting like someone much younger and less romantically experienced than I actually am. I get nervous and blush. It’s kind of cute, I guess. I felt this very, very much this first day.
There’s another thing. I was aware of Paul and liked him for longer than I actually knew him, just the way that anyone who is a consumer of spanking content has people that they particularly favor watching. It just happened to work out that we got along amazingly and work quite ideally as a couple in the real world. Sometimes, though, I experience derealization about this. It was like my brain was not sure how to process so much happiness, and it wondered if it was just some kind of dream. A few times, I hugged Paul and said “I’m so happy that you’re real.” Because it was real. All of this was real.
After we ate, I drove us to the cabin. The landscape got increasingly prettier as we got further away, and I didn’t really struggle with the driving at all, although I’d been afraid that I would. I’m not a very experienced driver yet– I got my license a year and a half ago. But it was fine.
The cabin was not particularly difficult to find, and it was nicely secluded, which would do well for the activities that we had planned. The area was beautiful, full of conifers and a few aspens, with a thick layer of pine needles covering the forest floor. I grew up in Southern New Jersey and while I lived at the shore, my grandparents lived in a small house in the Pine Barrens. The forest was like a giant version of that where I played as a child, and the much larger height of the trees here made me feel particularly physically small: a feeling that I cherish and enjoy. The cabin was the only building on a street called “Owl Drive.” This was perfect: my mascot animal is a stuffed owl. They’re a favorite.
The cabin was built and furnished in the late 60’s, I think. It had a big screen porch, a living room with a stone fireplace, comfortable sofas, a kind of crazy orange shag carpet and a deer head mounted over the mantle, staring at us slightly eerily. The kitchen was small and full of old appliances and cook wear, but functional. There was a small diningroom table on which we found a basket of basic supplies. To the right was a study. I’m quite sure that the presence of this room was probably key in Paul selecting this particular cabin. Studies are the perfect place for serious spankings, in my mind, and I got to fantasizing just looking at the desk.
To the left was a very small restroom with the world’s littlest shower and two bedrooms. One had two twins and would be used for very little. We set our stuff down in the master bedroom. I excitedly looked in all the drawers and cabinets, as I often do in a new place. Then Paul pulled me into another kiss, which filled me with happiness and excitement. Real. Real. Real.
Slowly he undressed me down to my carefully selected panties (white ones printed with “I love you” that I had once sent him photos of to cheer him up) and then turned me over his lap on the edge of the bed. Then he spanked me. It started tender and lovingly, then built up in intensity, making me gasp and wriggle. Nothing in that moment could have been better. I almost cried from being so happy. The spanking seems infinitely long in my mind, but I’m sure it wasn’t, since we were both fairly physically worn out from the day. I just floated there in a safe, loved, warm, glowing, submissive headspace, feeling totally at home over his lap, like I belonged nowhere else in the world.
Eventually, this devolved into cuddling. I’m a very physical person. My body is always hungry for touch, and I love to be held. Our cuddling was always perfect, and I never wanted it to end. There was so much safety and love and happiness to be found wrapped up in Paul’s arms with my head on his chest. Eventually, though, there was a knock on the door, which Paul went to answer as I had not yet gotten dressed again. It was the owner of the cabin, checking to make sure we’d arrived safely and were all set. As Paul talked to him, I got back into my dress and snuck out, hoping I didn’t look too disheveled. After the cabin owner was satisfied that we were fine and took off, we decided that we should probably head into town and find something to eat for dinner. The nearest town was Nederland, which is a small kind of hippy-filled mountain tourist town. The first place that appeared open was a giant German-American restaurant called “The Black Forest Inn.” We decided to eat there.
This was one of the top ten strangest places I’d ever eaten. It was ENORMOUS. It clearly sat 300 people or something, but there was no one there but us and our awkward, faux-German waiter. Our food was strange and not particularly good, and we kind of laughed at the absurdity of the giant, Hansel and Gretel looking restaurant that was only open to service us. We decided that we would not be going back there to eat again. 😛
After eating, we went back to the cabin where we spent the rest of the evening enjoying each other, sharing time that was intimate and magical.
Everything in my life was shiny and wonderful. ♥
I had a few other delightful adventures when I was in Denver, before it was Cabin Time. One involved taking photos with Amoni. Amoni is one of my best friends, and a wonderful photographer. We’ve done a lot of different sorts of shoots before, but this time we decided to explore the Lolita type space that I sometimes enjoy occupying. Our friend, Cupcake, did my hair for me and Amoni picked out my outfit. The shoot was extra fun.
We also had a night that involved a bit of partying. I don’t really get drunk very much. Despite the fact that I’m still extremely young, I somehow feel like I’m too old for that. I suppose I overdid it when I was in high school and college. I also have a ridiculously low tolerance for alcohol, so I don’t even try to keep pace with my friends. I did, however, drink this tiny bottle, which was actually good (we mostly bought it because LOL IT IS CALLED KINKY!) and a thing of blackberry cider, which was pretty weird. You can see my silly looking drinky face. 😛 We also hung out with friends DarkSteven and DarkStevensGirl, who did not appear in this photo, and a really clingy basset hound called Bonnie who wanted to sit on everyone despite being way too big for that.
|Cupcake, myself and Amoni. Amoni’s bangs are the cutest ever.|
I have no sense of chronology anymore, but at one point I went to hang out with my super good friend and retired model, Sophie Grey. We met up with Danny Chrighton, whose name I’ve been spelling wrong on this blog since the start of time. Excuse to spank me in the future? After we all got together, we walked to a sushi restaurant near Sophie’s place and had an excellent meal. We walked around and got ice cream, which always raises the quality of my day. We decided to go to Goodwill, mostly because I wanted to and Sophie and Danny said it was a great one. So in we went. I kept finding everything vaguely school skirt-ish pretty instantly, but nothing was the right fit for either Sophie or I. Then we went through the “Wares” department, where we discovered something that felt super out of place: a paddle.
It was just a fraternity paddle, sitting there among the random plastic bowls and old clocks. I don’t have a clear photo of it, but it was big and hardwood and heavy. It had a set of Greek letters on it, and then the list of all the brothers from that house written on it. Sophie and I decided to buy this, but felt super awkward and weird walking around carrying it. Here’s possibly the worst photo of me that I’ve uploaded to this blog in the past few years (I recently looked at a bunch of my old posts and I used to be a lot sillier looking than I am now. Wow.)
|This is me posing with my ice cream cone and trying to be nonchalant about the fact that I’m holding a big fucking paddle!|
This whole thing was made even more awkward by the fact that it was us two girls with Danny buying it, and that Sophie and I couldn’t stop giggling, and that I didn’t have enough cash to cover it and had to borrow a dollar from Danny. Poor boy at the Goodwill checkout. -_-
We carried this around in a bag while we stopped for supplies, then we went back to Sophie’s place. We decided that we wanted to remove the part that has all the boy’s names on it (since it’s kind of a piece of paper that’s attached with varnish and is aging weirdly, and because this paddle’s new job is spanking girls). I don’t know if these sorts of paddles are some sort of collector’s item or anything, but I haven’t done this, so if it’s a horrible idea, someone should let me know. Anyway, we decided to leave it alone and not get spanked with it that night.
We watched TV and had some cider (yes, I basically only drink cider when I drink alcohol) and then started watching videos that the three of us had done in the past which we thought were funny. Danny had the best one: a video that he did for Spanked Call Girls where he did a “pimp accent” while spanking Leia Ann Woods. Infinitely entertaining.
Eventually, it got late and became time for some actual spankings, instead of just videos. 😀 Danny had brought over a couple of implements, and Sophie and I lay on the bed next to each other while he took turns spanking one of us and then the other. It started out as soft and gentle, but grew in intensity, as spankings are wont to do. I like getting spanked with Sophie. She really obviously enjoys being spanked. She’s super relaxed and makes lots of happy noises, and that sort of pushes me into a similar space. Eventually, though, Danny got out a cane and started giving us taps with this. In the same natural and undeniable progression, this began to grow into full fledged strokes, making both of us yelp and wiggle. “Danny!” Sophie protested, “this is supposed to be a good girl spanking!”
“It is!” Danny said. “This is a nice, gentle bedtime caning for good girls.” He gave her another moderately hard stroke.
“You can’t just make something nice by saying that it is!” she pouted.
“I’m pretty sure that’s actually how it works,” Danny said, pleased with himself. Sophie and I made sad faces at him, but this obviously did nothing. This was tragic, because we minded the caning SO MUCH (yeah, no we didn’t!).
After he’d finished caning us, Danny remembered that he had his belt on, so he took this off and applied it to us. It was very nice. Belting has become a favorite spanking activity recently: it seems to be just the right mix of sting and thud, and often very well distributed. Like I mentioned before, there’s something hot and manly about taking a belt off. This particular segment was especially enjoyable.
When the belting was over, we got a cool down and then a nice lotion rub and I found myself in the “no bones syndrome” kind of state, where I couldn’t just get up and walk and had to roll around like I was lacking any actual muscular control. I sort of rolled back into my panties and then into bed, where the three of us cuddled all night. Friends who cuddle in bed together are the best kinds of friends.
While in Denver I also did a bondage shoot, which is something that I’m still fairly new at. This shoot was with The Monk of Mayhem. He was a really personable and nice guy, and I enjoyed chatting with him when I wasn’t gagged. 🙂 Bondage is intense and serious business, but I find filming it to be gratifying. There’s a lot of discomfort associated with bondage, largely in the form of being stretched in odd ways for longer than my body wants to be and in the horrible pins and needles feeling that comes when I’m finally untied from a pose. This is extremely different than the kinds of pain that I’m used to, and it’s a bit strange for me, but it’s never been “bad.” The primary word that I have to describe it is “interesting.” Sometimes it’s intense. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel kinky to me. It’s almost always very aesthetically pleasing, though:
|Photo by The Monk of Mayhem|
The whole time that all this stuff was happening, though, my mind was often elsewhere. I was constantly aware of how many days were left before Paul arrived to visit me, and I got increasingly more excited and jittery as the number of days got lower and lower. The night before he was to get here, I could hardly sleep. I kept waking up and wondering if it was the time that I was supposed to leave to pick him up from the airport yet, which it of course was not.
I finally slept, though, and woke up surprisingly refreshed. The day that followed was one of the best ever. You’ll hear about it in the next post. ♥
Following my trip to Texas and about a week of downtime in South Dakota, I took off for Denver. This was the start of a series of ridiculously wonderful adventures and I’m very glad to be sharing them now! I arrived in Denver with the plan to visit with Amoni for a while (and of course take photos together) and shoot for Real Spankings before heading off to a cabin with Paul for over two weeks of alone time. Amoni got me from the airport and we had a series of nice adventures together, including but not limited to attending a Scarlet Moons spanking party for an evening, jumping on her trampoline (is this a theme? Yes, yes it is) and a delightful photo shoot.
The night before my Real Spankings shoot, I was feeling a little bit nervous. I’ve shot with them two other times before, and had a wonderful, if very painful experience both times. The first time, I was topped by Betty Blaze for all of my scenes. This was very comfortable for me, because we got along well right away and I felt like it was easy for me to be myself around her. I felt a bit nervous when I had to do clips that involved me being interviewed on camera because that’s not my strongest suit, but the actual spankings were really fun and enjoyable to film.
|One of my first RSI scenes. This hurt and was very sore after, but the scene was really immersive and fun to film!|
The second day that I filmed it was with Danny Creighton topping me. I’d met and hung out with Danny before, and we’d played at a Scarlet Moons party a few months before that, so I felt very at ease being spanked by him. The details of that shoot are in this post, but it was both fun and challenging, since I did the “School Swats” and “School Strokes” series and those were both quite hard spankings.
|From my second shoot.|
The shoot that I was getting ready for was going to be with Michael Masterson. I’d never met him before, and I’d been told by everyone who had worked with him that he was very nice and personable. He’d also been very friendly towards me on the internet. That said, I was pretty intimidated. I’d been watching him spank girls crazy hard for… years. It’s also always a bit weird for me when I meet someone in real life who I had been aware of on the internet for a long time. I feel kind of shy and self conscious around them. This was at it’s most severe when I first met Paul, because I’d had an internet crush on him for a long time (sidenote: yes, I realize that my current situation is one that people usually don’t get to have. Luckiest girl on the internet, right here!) so I was extremely shy around him and kept sort of looking at the floor and talking in a quiet voice. With Michael, I felt pretty confident about the idea of meeting him and talking to him, but I was a bit jittery at the thought of being spanked by him. During the time in my life where marking and obvious severity were important to me in the content that I viewed, I’d looked at a lot of his work because it really satisfied those requirements. I’d seen countless girls reduced to tears by him over the years. Was I next?
When I arrived at the filming location, I was full of nervous energy. We hadn’t really planned out any shoot ideas in advance, but I knew we were going to do four scenes, split between the two sites. I came into the house and saw Betty, who I’m always happy to see. She’s friendly and fun, and I really enjoy being around her at shoots. Then I met Michael, who was very friendly and personable. I hope I didn’t act too nervous as we sat on the sofas and chatted, so he could get to know me a little bit. I talked about other shoots I’d done, and my personal preferences. At one point, he mentioned how he’s always had trouble finding other good Tops for the site.
“Oh yeah, I remember you writing that on your blog in like, 2005.” I said. I *did* remember that. Michael’s blog was one of the first ones that I followed (along with spanking blog and Adele Haze’s blog. I don’t know why those three were the ones I got into, I just found them and started reading :D) and I distinctly remember the post in which he discussed what it took to be a good Top on film and how difficult it was to find people who fit those requirements.
I think Michael was pretty surprised that not only was I very familiar with his sites and all the content that they’d done over the years but that I was able to remember details from eight year old blog posts. I worried that this made me creepy, but I know that personally I find it very complimentary when people can converse with me in a way that makes it obvious that they actually read what I write, so I hoped he took it the same way.
We then started talking about what my limitations in terms of what I’d want to do were. I felt pretty open for anything, but I was honest about one thing that was important to me. “I’d rather do my most severe scene OTK, since that position makes it much easier for me to take something hard.” Real Spankings does a lot of bent over positions, even lunge position type spankings and if I’m getting spanked particularly hard, I start to be afraid that I’m going to fall over in these poses. I *can* take hard spankings in these positions, but if I don’t have to focus on holding myself up, I feel more vulnerable and safe and react better. Michael asked me what kind of thing I was thinking of. “I could go for a hard spanking with a hairbrush or something like that,” I suggested.
Masterson was obviously pleased by this suggestion. Apparently a lot of girls don’t just show up and ask for hard hairbrush spankings. I do! That kind of scene is very core to my kink, and I love it when I can do videos that embrace the things that are very “me” like that. The fact that we decided to do that as a school girl scene made it even better.
We then got on to doing our first two scenes. They’re for Real Spankings.com (not RSI) and haven’t been released yet. The first one was a pretty long and hard hand spanking scene. I felt a bit nervous as we started, but the scene was straight forward and moved very quickly into the spanking, and as soon as it started, I felt calmer. It was hard, and certainly not playful, but it felt quite comfortably within my tolerance, and I appreciated the fact that he wasn’t trying to intimidate me right out the door and was obviously concerned about my emotional comfort, not just with making a great scene. This felt very mentally good, and I took the rest of the spanking in a good headspace.
The second scene was immediately following the first, as it was a “part two” in the same story. In this scene, I got belted. I used to be kind of fearful of belts, but the more I get spanked with them, the more I’ve come to find that they fit very nicely into certain parts of my kink. They’re very traditionally masculine, and I like the use of everyday objects for violent purposes :D. For this scene, I was bent over the bed and I tried my best not to move from my position too much. The belt hurt, though. Lots and lots. I cried out and struggled a little bit, but again, I felt very secure throughout the entire scene.
We took a bit of a break after that, and then moved to doing the Real Spankings Institute scenes. The first one of these was a strapping scene where I was bent over and holding onto the railing in the hallway. I liked the very public and on-the-spot nature of the scene. The strap hurt plenty, too. It carried a lot more weight than the belt had, and each stroke made me jut forward a bit and whimper or cry out.
|My bottom is red and my face is concerned. 🙂|
This scene had a somewhat longer spanking, although again it got to the action pretty quickly. My character was a little bit sulky about what was happening to her. It’s very unfair being me sometimes!
I was impressed with Michael’s technical finesse, although it makes sense, since he’s been doing this for a long time. My bottom was covered in a box of red, without any strokes deviating from where they should have been. Perfect coverage and a lot of soreness.
We went on to film the final scene immediately after this one, pretty much. The idea was that in the first scene, The Dean had come to get me to strap me because I’d gotten in trouble by the Head Girl earlier in the day and he had warned me that if I had to be punished again that week, it would be severe before sending me off to class. I suppose I just sat in my room and pouted for a little while, because I then realized that I was late for class and came thundering down the staircase. This meant running in actual corridors with carrying schoolbooks. Fun. I wish I could do that all the time! (I suppose I could just do this in my apartment, but that’s not very fun.)
The Dean, of course, caught me, and was impressed with my incorrigibility (thanks, so am I! It’s a talent, getting into so much trouble) since he had just spanked me in the hallway a few minutes before. He asked me why I was late and I responded with “It’s your fault, because you were spanking me!”
Not my best plan. I was quickly lead into the lounge, where he returned with a brush. This was no ordinary hairbrush, but a Vermont Country Store bathbrush. If you aren’t familiar, it’s basically a legendary implement because it hurts. A lot. It’s a very unforgiving wood, and it has a fairly long handle for the size of the spanking surface, which means that it gets a lot of momentum and then throws that all down over a small area. Michael warned me in advance that it’s the kind of thing that when used as hard as he was going to (gulp) would often leave a girl particularly bruised. I wasn’t worried about this. Between the amount of spanking that I get on a regular basis, my skin care regime and the foods that I make sure I include in my diet, my butt rarely ever meets it’s match anymore, and while things hurt like hell still, I never really end up looking damaged.
Michael put me over his lap and started to spank me with the brush, scolding me about my irresponsibility and attitude. The brush was tremendously painful. It was blinding, clarifying pain: the kind of thing where I simply can’t think about anything else. I just existed in that moment, with my white panties down around my knees and my bottom pushed up where it was most accessible to that horrible brush which collided with me again and again and again. I wailed and my face contorted with pain. I struggled a bit, throwing my hand back. Masterson caught it and held it firmly, and this pacified me a bit as the spanking continued. It was horribly wonderful. I felt sore and swollen and my flesh was burning hot by the time that it was finished. My throat hurt from wailing so much. It was exactly the kind of scene that I had wanted.
After I caught my breath from this last scene, I felt very pleased with myself. In a way, it had been just as severe as I had been worried it would have been, but this hadn’t been a hinderance to me. It was hardly even a challenge. It was delightful to engage in such a tough scene. I was full of endorphins and adrenaline, and felt on cloud nine. I did it! I took it and took it well. 😀
Once I had done my paperwork, Amoni got to come in and view the sets and meet everyone, which was very exciting for her, since she’s also a fan of the sites. I excitedly told her all about the spankings I had gotten and showed her my butt.
It hurt to sit in the car on the way back to our friends’ house were we were going to hang out. I squirmed in the seat a bit. Once we did get back, Amoni gave me a long lotion rub to soothe my skin and help me to calm down from my jittery excitement. She’s a very good friend.
|It’s shiny from lotion, but basically magenta colored. See? No real bruising! 😀|
I’m very happy with the way that this shoot went, and I think that the videos are great. You should probably go check them out. I can’t wait until I get to go shoot for them again: I’m hoping to maybe get out in that direction again before the end of the summer. We’ll see.
My blog is clearly not about the latest in spanking news, but today, I have a few things that I’d like to point out.
Item of business number the first:
I’ve updated the template of the blog to be more visually appealing, and to include a kind of awesome new header, featuring a photo of me which was taken by my good friend Amoni Jones. I’ve updated my blog roll to include only blogs that have recently posted. If you took a hiatus from blogging, please send me a note when you return so I can, once again, include you. If you’re interested in trading links, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. For those of you who are interested in the details, I also updated the blog description and added a separate section for my disclaimers, which were also updated. I’ll be going through the static FAQ and cast of characters pages to update that information next. I’m happy to say that the current layout of the blog is much closer to what I originally intended for the page to look like during its inception.
Item of business number the second:
The 2012 Spanking Awards are open for nominations over at The Spanking Spot. I’m really excited to announce that, at least in this preliminary stage, I’ve been nominated for New Spankee of the Year, Creative Blog of the Year and Spankee of the Year (the title currently held by my most beloved Ten Amorette).
|Does this make a photo of me and Ten naked together topical? Please?|
I really wish that I could say that this sort of validation isn’t important to me, but that would be a huge lie. Until the spanking community, I was a quiet and forgettable girl. I could hardly get anyone to sign my yearbooks in school, let alone dream of being a superlative. I always fancied myself Most Likely to be Completely and Utterly Forgotten, Most Likely to be Shunned by Family and Friends and Spend Life Alone Due to Perverse Obsessions or Most Likely to Have Her Dead Body Discovered by a Public Librarian. I’m obviously now a very different girl than I was when I was younger, but I imagine it will take years to shake those feelings from the back of my mind. So, needless to say, this is a matter of huge excitement to me, and I’m really just overwhelmed with joy to have received nominations, especially from people for whom I have great respect. This makes me super happy. I went ahead and nominated a few people myself. If there’s someone you feel should probably win a prize, go ahead over and list them.
Item of business number the third:
I can’t remember if I mentioned that my sets have been up for a while now on Real Spankings and Real Spankings Institute, but in case I did, I’ll mention it again. I feel like I haven’t done an “updates” sort of post for a while, so it’s likely that I did not. I had an absolutely fabulous time filming with Betty Blaze, and I can’t wait to go back and shoot again.
Shooting with Real Spankings was extremely exciting for me, because it was the first spanking site that I really looked at when I started using the internet for spanking related things, and I’d followed it on and off for years. It was just magical to put on the uniform myself and become part of that world.
Additionally, a couple of days ago my first clip went up on Amateur Spankings! Filmed during TASSP, this is an interview style video, which, of course, includes my butt:
Item of business number the fourth:
For those of you who don’t yet know, my best of best friends, Heather Green has launched a blog: The grammatically challenged musings of Heather Green. She’s only posted twice so far, but I’m sure there is quite a bit more to come. In case anyone hasn’t heard, Heather is incredibly sweet, a dedicated friend and, despite what the name of her blog might suggest, quite a smart chick.
|From Northern Spanking. She’s also a knock out, basically.|
Anyway, I recommend that you all go check her blog out. I expect it to be down to earth, honest and full of a seriously dorky sense of humor (just like my dearest Heather).
Item of business number the last:
One of my favorite stores for buying spanking related things, Paddles and Panties has released Christmas themed items, including holiday paddles and seasonal panties.
|Obviously, these ones are not for me.|
I think that the idea of having special panties for each season is a VERY good one. They also have items for guys, which I think is fairly special considering the frequently heteronormative nature of the spanking community.
I have a good spanko friend who happens to have a phobia which is a bit unique: she’s afraid of Santa Claus. This would probably make a pretty effective punishment implement for her, right?
|I know that’s cruel. I’m sorry. I can’t help it.|
It’s now 2:30 AM, and I’m behind schedule on my posting schedule as enforced by my wonderful Boss of Me, YS, so I stayed up to finish this one up, only to get a Semi-Boss scolding me off to bed. So now that I have finished, I shall check for typos in the morning. Heather W, if you see anything, PLEASE DON’T SAY ANYTHING.