Look at me, continuing my post! Two posts in one month! This year is off to a good start…well, in terms of posts anyway.
Let’s get into it right away and look at scenes 6 – 10 in my top ten favorite scenes of 2016!
6) Sister Trouble from Momma Spankings
This scene was shot when I was in Vegas at an event with friends early in 2016. It was during this time when Adriana Evans and I were first starting to bond. Getting close to Adriana and building our special relationship (one part lovers, one part like sisters, one hundred percent normal, don’t worry about it) has really been one of the most special things that’s happened since 2016, and I hope that we get to spend a lot of time together in 2017. She’s very previous to me. *heart eyes*
Anyway, during this event, I was shooting for my friend Sarah Gregory and her sites and she asked if I wanted to do a scene with Adriana. Of course I said yes! The plot that she made up for us once again worked very, very well. Adriana was teasing me for being too babyish and always wearing overly cute things while she prefers to have a more grown up, sexy appearance. This is like, the core of a lot of our interactions in real life, to be honest, except it’s just playful teasing. In this video, we started really fighting, and our mom, played by Miss Anna, had to come and punish us for it.
I was in a kind of emotional mood that day (I don’t remember the reason, probably because I was at the event without Paul since he was still in England at the time) and I started crying real tears right away, even during the hand spanking! Whyyyyy could those tears not have come when I was getting bathbrushed? There are no answers to these questions.
7) Up All Night from Kitchen Sink Spanking
Another thing which I really loved in 2016 was the fact that my friend Princess Kelley made her return to shooting spanking videos! I got to shoot with her a handful of times, mostly with me directing her for Northern Spanking (but a few of her topping me there, too) and also when we shot for Real Spankings as mentioned earlier, where she topped me for quite a few scenes.
Kelley moved to the East Coast at the end of the summer, after having been a good friend who I enjoyed spending a lot of time with in LA. Before she left, we got together at her house to do one last shoot together, where we shot scenes for both Northern and for my side project, Kitchen Sink Spanking. KSS is sort of a hodgepodge of things, often becoming a home for scenes that we film that don’t otherwise fit in with Northern’s themes. It was originally a place that was meant to be about me, personally, though, so we filmed a couple of scenes with Kelley that fit that original concept.
In this scene, I’m Kelley’s roommate and I’m horribly irresponsible with my sleep schedule (again, we’re getting a little too real here with the sleep thing). Kelley gets up early to go to the gym and discovers that I’m still awake and lounging on the sofa. She decides that I can’t make good choices on my own, and that she’s going to spank me for staying up all night. She does exactly that, then makes me change into very childish pajamas to emphasize what a naughty little girl I’m being before strapping me and sending me off to bed. I really love the sort of forced ageplay theme, and Kelley and I had very good energy together for that.
8) Busted for Blackmail from Cheerleader Spankings
Cheerleader Spankings just came out in 2016! It was (I think) the only new site this year and it was a very exciting launch. I had filmed some scenes for it before it was set up, and one of them is this scene, which features me and Maddy Marks.
Maddy is one of my favorite people to Top. I know her very well and we’ve been close friends for a long time, so I know how she likes to play. In fact, I think she was one of the very first people I ever topped, and she was definitely the first person I topped on camera. I was very excited to get to shoot this scene with her, since it was kind of darker, bullying scene, and that’s something that I really enjoy exploring. I like this when in both roles, but it’s something I’ve taken a strong interest in as a Top. I like the way that Maddy responds to having mean and unfair things done to her, and playing with her in this capacity has really let me learn how to let that side of myself loose.
In this scene, I’ve caught Maddy trying to blackmail me, and I’m going to really make her pay for it. I get to be quite bossy, and Maddy is caught in a bit of a pickle, since she can’t exactly protest against anything that I do to her, or else I’ll reveal her blackmailing scheme. She gets spanked, the hairbrush and a hard paddling, all of which I take great delight in dishing out.
Honestly, this is one of my favorite scenes I’ve done as a Top, period!
9) Three Girls Paddled After Gym from Real Spankings Institute (once again, this isn’t the real name, sorry)
Earlier in the day when I shot the “Rematch” scene I was talking about a few scenes ago, I got my customary school paddling that I always seem to get when I shoot for Real Spankings. School paddlings are tough. They’re a different kind of pain than most other spankings. It’s so much hurt coming down on you so suddenly. I don’t do these kinds of paddlings often, because there are few Tops who I feel comfortable taking them from (and at home, there’s a strong preferences for caning to fill the same kind of disciplinary niche).
The scene was planned so that Maddy, Harley and I were all going to be paddled and I was going to be the first one to go. In retrospect, that seems a little bit unfair to me: I probably should have volunteered to go to last, since sitting and waiting while you can hear your friends getting spanked is pretty intimidating, and I’m the only one of the three of us who had ever been paddled by Michael before, so that made me the senior girl out of us. I should have taken one for the team. But, at the time, no one thought of that (and I probably only thought of it now because it’s a theme that’s been coming up a lot in the erotica I’ve been reading, for full disclosure).
That all said, I know Michael Masterson very well, and he knows exactly how much I can take. When playing with him, that’s an awful lot. He didn’t know either of the other two girls, so I was probably in for the hardest spanking. We were to get ten swats total. The first five were from The Dean (that is to say, Michael) and the second set were from Miss Kelley. Kelley isn’t a soft paddler, either, but she and I have never played in such a limit pushing way, so I was less nervous about taking her swats, although I probably shouldn’t have been.
When we were all sitting outside the room listening to Michael and Kelley talk about how badly behaved we’d been and what they were going to do to us, I got very, very nervous. I hadn’t had a paddling like this in a long time and I knew that it was going to hurt, and a lot. The scene was very immersive, sitting in the chairs in the other room with the door open and listening to these authority figures talking about what was going to happen to us and knowing that it was going to happen soon. It was very, very, very my kink. I fell deep into the headspace of a naughty student awaiting discipline and in that moment, the whole thing became completely real for me. There’s no other way for me to say it. It didn’t feel like a fantasy at all. It just felt like I was in it, sitting in front of the Dean’s office awaiting an undeniable spanking. When I caught glances at my two friends, they looked very scared as well.
Honestly, it was one of the most immersive scene experiences I’ve ever had. I feel a feeling that I can only express as a love/hate relationship towards really intense and immersive scenes, but that’s not exactly accurate. I don’t feel this way about every scene, but in certain cases, when playing with people that I know well and know are able to bring me there, I want it to be really scary. I want to not like it. I want to truly wish that it was over, or that it wasn’t happening to me. I want to feel that scared and regretful “Why did I do such a dumb thing to get myself into trouble, I promise I’ll never misbehave again” feeling in my stomach. So, when a scene feels real, I don’t exactly like it while it’s happening. But I crave that headspace, and I love it pretty much the instant it’s finished. That headspace is rare for me, but it’s remarkable when it does come through, and it’s a memory that will remain gratifying for a long, long time.
It was my turn to come into the office and to bend over the desk to be paddled. The Dean told me to place my hands flat on the desk and to keep my feet on the floor. This is hard for me. I like to grip things and hold on for dear life, and I tend to kick my feet around a lot. He made it clear that if I moved in either way, I was going to get extra. In reality, I don’t know if he meant it or not, but I wasn’t in reality when this scene happened. I knew that I needed to be still, even though it was going to be hard to.
I had kind of stopped caring about being still and taking spankings “well” at some point. It generally looks more visually interesting on video if you move around a lot, so I had sorted of adopted that as a go-to. And I do like resisting. And I do like being overpowered. But I found in my head a space that I used to enjoy going to a lot, where I could overpower myself. I focused on that and told myself that I was not going to move.
The descriptions that I have for the first paddle swat are really, really cliche sounding. I feel like I saw stars, my whole mind alight with how hard the swat had been. I felt like I was physically moved forward by the force of it (which is kind of impressive because I’m not exactly a wisp of a girl). The air was practically knocked out of me, and I lingered in this very long second where I felt the impact before I felt the pain, and then everything went double fast in order to catch up. I made a truly pitiful noise and my knee buckled, but I didn’t take my hands or feet away from where they were supposed to be.
The second swat followed directly. It was still hard, but not as shockingly so. My wailing didn’t sound any less pathetic, though. The third swat brought me to tears, which was a relief. Crying felt right. It felt real. And it let some of the tension out of my body.
After the third swat, I knew I had two more to go before there was a break as the Tops switched. This meant that I was more than halfway to my first goal. I have a theory that I tell myself when I’m taking spankings and I get concerned that I can’t take what I’m getting: anyone can take ten swats with anything. This, of course, isn’t actually true, and the use of the word “anyone” can get a bit hairy if you think about it too hard, but it’s a useful thought to go to when things are (intentionally) overwhelming. But there is a sort of truth to it: a lot of “taking it” comes down to “letting it happen.” Accepting that this hurts. Not resisting or panicking. So I got myself to that point, and I cried a lot. The last two swats seemed close together in my mind.
We switched over to Kelley paddling me, and I was honestly a bit surprised by how hard her first swat was. I had kind of had the idea that because, in the real world, Kelley is a close friend of mine, that meant that she wasn’t going to punish me so severely. I don’t know where I got that idea from: it was wrong. My bottom was already incredibly sore from the swats that had come before and I was already in tears when she started spanking me, but at least my resistance was pretty gone. I counted each swat so carefully in my head. I actually made a little puddle of tears on the desk, I think. My palms were tremendously sweaty as they pressed against the desk’s surface. But I didn’t move.
When the paddling was over, I was told to go sit back outside and listen to Maddy and Harley as they got their spankings. I kept crying for a little while as I sat there, but I was a little bit less immersed in the scene. I was out of it just enough to be sky high happy about what an intense experience I had just had.
I was so sore when this scene was over. My butt felt swollen and like it should be absolutely purple. But by the time that my friends had finished receiving their punishments and we all lined up to show off our marks, I was hardly even pink. I appreciate the fact that my body recovers quickly in terms of color, because it allows me to continue to shoot after doing tough scenes like this. But it drives me crazy that I don’t get the satisfaction and gratification of having people look at my butt and know exactly how sore I am.
10) By Order of the Court from Northern Spanking
It’s probably no surprise that my favorite scene that I shot this year was for my own site. It was REALLY hard to pick a favorite because I really pour my heart and soul into everything that we do for Northern. This scene was particularly fun because it was a group scene that involved a lot of people that I really like: my friends Cupcake SinClair and Harley Havik, plus Violet October, who I got to know and become friends with because of this shoot. Plus, Paul was the Top, and he’s my favorite Top!
By Order of the Court was a custom film. It took a lot of planning to do: we had to rent a location, Violet flew in from Vegas for the shoot, and there were a ton of schedules to coordinate. I particularly like doing customs. I really enjoy the directing side of making a spanking video, and it’s fun to direct from someone else’s script. It just so happened that the script for this scene was a fantasy that I really enjoy: a judicial punishment. The film has no explicit setting but it has a generically English feeling, especially because of the fact that in addition to caning, one of us got the birch. The one of us was me!
This was my first proper birching. Previous to this I had gotten a few strokes from Pandora Blake during a photoset we did for Dreams of Spanking and Paul had given we a couple of strokes over my leggings when we were in the Inveraray Jail Museum in Scotland. They had a birching bench and a birch on display with a sign that said “please try.” It was the kinkiest museum of all time.
So, I was very curious to discover what full force strokes of the birch on the bare felt. I could take a guess and say that they were going to hurt.
When we arrived at the house that we had rented in order to do this film, we immediately started to look for branches that might be suitable for making birches. We pulled into the driveway, opened the house up, checked the rooms and then got right to work stripping long, thing, flexible branches off the trees. There had been no appropriate ones near our house. I could imagine that to an outside observer who didn’t know what we were doing it would seem like very odd proceedings.
Eventually, we decided that we couldn’t find enough branches there, either, so we drove to a nearby park. I was somewhat embarrassed to be looking for appropriate birch making materials in a public park, but Paul assured me that there was nothing weird about it. When he started stripping them down in the parking lot (BECAUSE HE HAS NO CHILL), someone came up to us and asked what we were doing. Paul lightheartedly joked that we were going to make a wreath. I don’t know if he was convinced or not.
We filmed the scene the next day. It involved the first three girls each getting 25 strokes of the cane, followed by me receiving my birching. First, we all had to strip naked, and I ended up directing parts of the scene that didn’t involve me that way. Porn life!
I enjoyed watching as Paul thrashed each of the girls before me. I was fascinated by watching their different reactions to the punishment. I’m particularly fond of watching him Top other girls. I don’t get to see the way that his body moves or his facial expressions when I’m the one getting spanked by him, and I love these things.
After watching him deliver 75 cane strokes, it was time for me to get my birching. I was nervous, but mostly excited to see what it would be like.
What it was like was extremely stingy. Despite being bundled together, it still bore almost no weight. It was the whippiness of a switch but spread across a wider area of my bottom. It did have less bite because of that. It still left me whimpering and gasping. When it was finished, I was a little endorphin high and very sore. My friends were obviously in similar states.
In order to prevent this post from being EVEN LONGER THAN IT ALREADY IS I only included pictures from my segment of this scene. The full scene is over 40 minutes long, but the whole thing is extremely engaging to watch. I highly recommend it. It was, in fact, my favorite scene I did this year!
Note: I went to start writing about my recent adventures and found that this post had been sitting as a nearly finished draft for a long time. I kept getting distracted from it! So, I’ve finished it. This post is slightly off topic and the latter half of it includes sexual themes and images of clothed female masturbation.
I’m not going to lie: I love wearing makeup. I don’t dislike the way that I look without it on. There’s something coy and girlish about my “working from home” look, which usually consists of me just dressed in a pair of panties and a t-shirt, working on my laptop. I don’t wear makeup when I’m not leaving the house or having someone over: I have a tendency to break out, and letting my skin “breathe” when I don’t need to be fancy helps that.
That said, I definitely prefer to wear a smattering of cosmetics. It’s a skill I’ve only recently really developed. I try to go for a natural look, but I do enjoy having doll like attributes, too. There’s nothing like being told that my skin looks like a porcelain doll, especially when just two years ago, despite my best efforts, I pretty much always looked ruddy and spotty in the face.
Still, I’m definitely not the type of girl who never leaves home without my makeup on. If I’m not in the mood for it, then I’m not in the mood for it. If I want to feel pretty and fancy, then it’s something fun to do that I can enjoy. It’s the same difference between picking out an outfit that makes me feel cute, or not caring if I look cute or not and just heading out in leggings and an oversized sweater. Both are perfectly legitimate options for me, depending on how I’m feeling that day. But there is one time when I feel like I’m *always* in the mood for makeup: when there’s a camera running.
Even in my early days of blogging and modeling, where I felt a lot more comfortable posting pictures where I wasn’t wearing any makeup and was highlighting my very bad skin (hey, at least acne made me look authentically adolescent, right?) on this site, I always did my best with my makeup when I was on camera. The fact that I wasn’t very good at it made me feeling less confident than I could have at times.
Once I learned how to do makeup a bit more, though, I started to feel more confident about the way that I looked in pictures and on video, and people seemed to respond better to my images, too. The fancier my makeup, the more confident I feel, too. While I once felt out of place and out of my element when I dressed up, I’ve started to revel in it, realizing that I didn’t have to act any differently just because I looked different.
(A handful of selfies from a day when a makeup artist did my look, and I felt particularly cute)
Unfortunately, in a certain way, somewhere along the way, I crossed a Rubicon in this department. The confidence that I gain when I primp and powder became dependent on these this preparation in order to show up. The days when I would take and post a selfie to showcase a point simply wearing whatever I happened to have on, with my blotchy, unmade-up face on plain display are long gone. I post the occasional unmade-up pre-bedtime photo, but it’s rare.
I don’t really understand it, because I don’t feel uncute without makeup. If I’m willing to walk around the mall like this, why am I not willing to put it on the internet? Somewhere along the line, perhaps around the time when I began doing more explicit videos, intimacy began to be assigned differently. My naked body became something that everyone has seen. But, at least for the past few years, my naked face is something that’s been reserved for people who have spent real life, casual time around me. It’s the face that Paul looks at when we wake up in the morning. It’s the face that greets Rafa when I wander into his apartment so we can cuddle on the couch and watch movies. It’s the face that my girlfriend runs a loving finger across while we soak in bath together. It’s the face that Erica and Spankcake see when I’m feeling frazzled and I need them: the kind of days when one of us silently moves across the table to pull the other into a hug.
Thinking about these kinds of moments, those tender, vulnerable, intimate moments, I realized that I usually do feel quite cute and pretty in those times. I feel clean and innocent, and yes, I feel sexy. Any kind of nudity can be enjoyable.
Thinking about this a while ago, I decided that I wanted to try doing a video without any makeup on. I wanted to try being nakedly myself on film, just to see how it felt. I decided that I wanted to film something in my most natural state.
Last fall, Paul and I went on our first road trip together. We drove from Los Angeles to Green River Utah, where we spent a night before heading to Denver. We stayed for a few days there while I worked and we visited with Amoni, and then we got back in the car and drove to Iowa, through the corn fields and plains of the area where I used to live. We spent two nights there, and I did a day long shoot with a local bondage producer. From there, we continued on to Chicago, where we then attended the October Crimson Moon Party. It was a blast, and I didn’t feel too tired from all of the travel yet.
On the way back, we drove straight through to Denver in one go, and by then, I was starting to feel a bit worn by the trip, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Being in a car with someone for that long is very vulnerable: there’s no hiding any aspect of yourself in those close quarters, and you have to be patient with one and other. Fortunately, there was no tension between us. The trip went by harmoniously.
We visited a wild animal sanctuary outside of Denver, then we had an early night at a hotel. The next morning, I was going to go shoot for Real Spankings and RSI again, so I needed my rest.
The shoot the next day was one of my favorites that I ever did with them, but it was definitely hard. It started off with strapping, followed by a caning, and then a hard school paddling. I got a break to be a background character in one of Jordan’s scenes, and then she had to go home. When it was time to do the last scene, Michael Masterson told me that we could do whatever I wanted to.
I’d had a long week and a half of adventuring. I had been spanked countless times, in multiple cities and states, including plenty of hard scenes. But there was something special about this last scene I was going to do: it was the final thing that I had planned. I didn’t have to hold anything back for later. This could be a final expenditure of energy for me.
So, I didn’t hold anything back. I went into the “implement room” and came back with a Vermont Country Store bath brush and I asked for a long, hard, OTK spanking with it, one that would push me. I’ve done a lot of hard scenes with Michael in the past, and I trust him both to bring me to a place I want to go and not to bring me too far from where I should be. We negotiated my safety signal (since this works better for me than a safeword) and the scene started.
It was super hard, and super fast: I struggled and wailed and cried out as Michael pinned my hand behind my back. It was everything I wanted it to be. I felt sore and exhausted when it was done, but happy and satisfied with myself.
When the shoot was over and I had finished fussing over the Real Spankings cats, I met up with Paul and we had to hit the road: we wanted to drive as far as Utah that night. I dropped a little bit at one point, but Paul boosted me back up, and seeing big horn sheep in the mountains made me stay alert. We drove until we reached Green River again, then checked into the same motel where we had stayed on the way there.
That night, I slept very soundly, although I must admit that I slept on my tummy. My bottom was still very sore to the touch, and I was exhausted.
I woke up the next morning still feeling sore, but as is often the case, feeling horny as well. It was a particular kind of horniness that I get sometimes, usually after I’ve been doing a lot of shoots: exhibitionist horniness. Paul was already up and dressed, so when he came back in from having been outside looking at the Utah landscape (something quite alien to anything you’ll see in the UK) I told him that I wanted to film a video.
Honestly, I think I decided that I wanted to do a no makeup video that morning because I was too lazy to really get put together, but still wanted to film. Besides, I felt cozy and contented. I had gone to sleep in my favorite old, soft t-shirt and pair of panties, without bothering to take off my tall socks from the day before. Paul set up the camera and I didn’t do anything more to get ready than run my fingers through my hair.
So, I started to masturbate, the way I would if there was no camera there, mixing fingering myself through my panties with some pillow humping. I felt a flush of invigoration, knowing that I was being observed in this natural state. I didn’t worry about being judged, or not looking the way that I “should.” I just existed, vulnerable and fine with that.
Later, I looked at the stills that we had taken after the video and it felt a little odd to see, now that I was out of that moment. I had pulled the gaudy, motel bedspread and the sheets out of place in my passion, and my bottom was a mixture of bruises, cane welts and lines from where I’d slept. My hair was a mess, and without makeup, my face really showed how flushed I become with arousal.
I wasn’t used to seeing myself look this way in an image online, instead of the mirror as I sleepily got ready for the day. I felt a bit shy to share this, but it also felt like something special. Like, despite the fact that I never undressed in the video, I was truly being naked on the internet again.
I’m not going to make a habit of doing this sort of thing, but it was a fun boundary to push. That’s not to say that I’ll never do it again. Want to see me at my most vulnerable? You can get the video here.
In all my years (ok, all three years) of my spanking modeling career, there was one thing which I had never done: a video depicting a real life domestic discipline punishment from someone with whom I had that relationship.
That wording sounds a little specific, and it’s meant to be. Nearly all the videos that I do are discipline or punishment themed, but most are obviously roleplayed, creative scenarios. I’ve done a number of videos in which the thing that I’m being spanked for is something which I really did, but this mentally different than actually being punished for something. In order for a punishment to work, there must be two things in place. First of all, the person being punished must recognize the authority (even if temporary) of the person punishing them, and secondly, the person being punished must be sufficiently vulnerable to allow themselves to feel chastised. Most of the time, if a scenario is punitive, these two things aren’t in place.
Now, I specified that I had never done this with someone with whom I was in a real life relationship. I have done one video which was undeniably a real discipline video. It was between Robert Wolf (of Lily Starr Spanking) and myself years ago. Even though Robert and I don’t have a normal disciplinary relationship, I consider him to be an “off chart boss of me”: he’s one of the people whose authority I respect in general, and I’m quite likely to listen to what he says. We’re very close friends and we have a relationship based on mutual respect, so I have a lot of trust for him. In this particular situation, I was frustrated with myself, incredibly vulnerable and feeling the need to be punished, so all the key pieces were there. It was a super intense experience, but I only ever felt like it was the right situation to do this the one time. If you’re interested, you can get that clip here.
On the subject of Lily Starr and Robert Wolf, they got married the other day. They had a small but wonderful ceremony of mostly vanilla people, but Paul, Amoni and I attended, too, Amoni taking (let me just say gorgeous) photos for them. We had an awesome time, and it was a really special occasion. At one point during the reception, though, I got flustered by all the excitement and ended up saying something really rude to Paul. Since we were in vanilla company, he just gave me a look, but I knew entirely what it meant. I may be frequently naughty: making little bits of mischief, whining, stamping my foot and putting trash in Paul’s pocket when we’re out and I don’t have pockets of my own, but ultimately, I’m still very good. There’s a distinct difference between “fun trouble” and “real trouble.” I actually had never gotten in trouble for being disrespectful to Paul before. I DO respect him, and I want him to know that. I want to be polite and show him that I appreciate all the love and care that he gives me. I felt immediately distressed by my own behavior, but I put it away and got back to having fun (and soon, cake!) with my friends.
We got home fairly late that night and were all tired from a long day, so Paul told me that he would punish me the next day. We were also planning on filming clips for Kitchen Sink Spanking the next day, and as I went to bed I thought about what we were going to do for it. Kitchen Sink has always meant to be a representation of (if not our real lives) then our real personalities and styles of play. Sometimes the scenarios are goofy and cute and other times the scenes are severe enough to make me really cry and still others are sexy, but none of them had ever brushed on our actual punishment scenes. I came to the conclusion that this was something that I wanted to try doing. I’ve always felt like discipline was something very private. Sometimes, I don’t want to talk about my punishments explicitly online because I don’t want to share what I did wrong with everyone. In the past, when I was dating my ex, I felt like I couldn’t share my disciplinary scenes because “others wouldn’t understand” or they would be judgmental about the harshness involved (I partially felt that because my ex directly told me this, and partially because they actually were overly harsh and lacking in a certain kind of affection). But now that I’m with Paul, my feelings about this are very different. It’s “hard enough” and certainly very stern, but the whole proceeding is very loving. There’s something special about it. I decided that I felt ready to share this with the internet.
Interestingly enough, I didn’t get a chance to bring this up to Paul because he brought it up to me, and we talked about it briefly. One thing that I’ve always been afraid of when it comes to filming real punishments is that having a camera on would change the way that the actual punishment and aftercare would go, and after talking about it, I felt sure that it wouldn’t. We agreed that we would simply do things the way that we would if there wasn’t a camera. Since Amoni was here, we asked her if she would want to watch and be in the video and she agreed.
Paul set up the camera and left the room and Amoni and I sat on the bed, talking. This is the only part of the clip that seems a little bit contrived, because I knew that Paul was about to come in and punish me, and I think I probably look nervous, because I was. Soon, he came in and scolded me, inviting Amoni (or “Ami” because “Amoni” doesn’t really sound like a name) to watch: since I was rude in front of her, I could be punished in front of her. He was carrying the tawse. I’m sure I’ve talked about this before, but of all the reasonable implements in the world, this is the one that “gets to me” the most. I have long regarded it as being particularly scary, and because it’s an implement that I’ve primarily only had applied to me by Paul, it also carries a lot of emotional weight. And it really, really hurts. It’s heavy and horrible and biting. The design is so simple yet so effective and so unforgiving. I can hardly say the word “tawse” and I feel a little shiver just to type it now.
He directed me over pillows at the edge of the bed and lifted the skirt of my dress. I grabbed Amoni’s hand. Then he gave me the first stroke. I felt particularly vulnerable because I was being watched. However, I was more focused on the fact that Amoni was watching me than the camera, so it was probably a good idea that we had her there (I also really appreciated her hand holding). It only took three strokes to make me burst into real, genuine tears. Why? Because it hurt, for one thing, and the strokes were being applied without any warmup. More importantly, though, I felt horrible for my behavior and I knew just how badly I needed to be punished. I was very, very vulnerable. I felt small and young. I also felt a serious sense of security. There’s security that comes from knowing that if I mess something up, Paul isn’t going to get mad at me or ignore me or push me away. He’s going to punish me, hard, because he loves me, and he knows that I can and will do better than this. The whole thing makes me feel very cared for and safe. I can easily let go of my inhibitions and cry myself out, which is exactly what I did. If you watch the video, it might seem like my reactions are a little over the top. That’s just the way I am when I’m in this headspace. I feel everything strongly and I react the same. Besides, if I haven’t said so before, that horrible thing hurts like nothing else.
By the time we were finished, I was a sobbing mess. Paul sat down on the bed and scooped me up into his lap for cuddling and forgiveness. I continued to cry on his shoulder for quite a while as he assured me that everything was alright and that I was very loved. Honestly, this is the part that I’m happiest to be sharing. I think that the world needs more tenderness in it, especially the spanking world. While I might not feel entirely proud of the way I took the punishment (there’s a lot of wailing) I feel very proud to share this special moment created by my vulnerability and his love for me. Really, this is what Domestic Discipline is all about.
I feel very pleased with the final product of the film. It’s pretty much the most intimate thing that I’ve ever done on the internet, and I love how it shows the whole range of emotion that we go through when doing this.
Will I do more videos like this in the future? Probably. It honestly felt good to be able to share this. It didn’t change the way things went in the least. There’s something wonderfully exhibitionistic about it.
I hope that you’ll consider checking it out if you’re interested. It’s now my favorite spanking video that I’ve ever made. You can see the clip here.
I just finished a busy week. I shall now tell you about it, bit by bit.
On Monday, Paul and I drove out to Topenga (a more “rural” area on the edge of Los Angeles where one can experience some much needed fresh air!) in the early afternoon. I was meeting up with Pandora Jones, Samantha Grace and Odette Delacroix later that day in order to shoot a custom video, but Paul and I had wanted to try and find some places to shoot outdoor spanking content for Kitchen Sink Spanking, so we decided to do that first while we were already out of the city. It may have been the end of April, but the weather in Los Angeles was already feeling more like summer time: it was warm, sunny and bright out. We found a little park and took a walk until we were under a big oak tree. I was pretty obscured from the street, but it was still close by: if I turned my back, I could see the cars rushing by. I didn’t feel comfortable getting spanked so close to the road, but we did film a panty fetish video there, since it’s a lot harder to notice that someone is flashing her panties than it is to miss the very distinctive sound of a spanking. As it was, that level of exhibitionism was fun and exciting without making me too nervous, but I did run into one small “filming in the countryside” snafu. While Paul had been setting up the camera, I had leisurely leaned my back against the tree. After a few minutes, I felt something tickling my arms and looked down to see red ants crawling all over me! I’m sure it was comical to watch me flailing around and trying to shake the ants off. It’s a pity we weren’t already filming :P. For a while after this, I kept noticing one or two ants crawling on my body, and had to pick them off. Paul seemed to think that this was a bit prissy of me, but these were red ants, and I was convinced that they were going to bite me. Red ants are not common in the area where I grew up, and they’re the enemy in Sim Ant, so I tend to be distrustful of them.After abandoning antville, we planned to walk back to the car by way of a path which looped around and drive on to find another park. Instead, I found a path that lead off in another direction which I wanted to explore. This was a good call: it lead down into a little gulch which held a much bigger, older tree. The branches formed a canopy around it, and we had to push them aside to go into the little “room” formed there. Inside, we found a rope and board swing hanging from one of the branches. This is exactly the kind of secret hideaway that I love. It was a private little space away from the rest of the world, and I happily climbed onto the swing (after testing it for safety, of course). Paul filmed me swinging while giving peeks at my panties for a bit, but then announced that it was time for me stop playing, as I was in need of a spanking. Why? Because the space was perfect for one. It was definitely true. No one could see us and the branches made me feel cut off from the rest of the world. It felt like we were in a private universe there.
Setting the camera up on some rocks or something, Paul directed me to bend over the swing. I did this by laying over it like it was a lap, so that my stomach was against the wood and all my limbs were sort of hanging. Paul explained that this wasn’t actually a very effective way to spank me, and suggested that I stand up, bend over and grab the seat of the swing. This *did* make more sense. The other pose probably looked a bit silly. It was one I had done many times before, though: when I was younger and first fantasizing about spanking I liked to drape myself across things to imagine that I was in the OTK position, and I used the swings on the playground to do this pretty regularly. Fortunately, no one had ever asked me what I was doing.
Under the tree, Paul lifted my skirt and began to spank me. Even though it wasn’t cold out at all, the fresh air made the smacks seem to sting more. Maybe it was psychosomatic, but I yelped pitifully from a simple hand spanking.
When he pulled my panties down, I felt particularly exposed. I protested that a squirrel might see me, since that was pretty much the only way that I would be observed. I knew it was silly, especially since I do plenty of fully nude tromping around outdoors when modeling, but I felt tremendously vulnerable. “Squirrels have seen everything,” Paul responded, which is a strangely sage sentence, when you think about it. I wiggled and whined throughout the rest of the spanking. Once he had finished reddening my bottom, Paul asked me how I was enjoying my day out and all I could do was scrunch my face. I was enjoying it very much, but I felt strangely camera shy when asked to comment directly, especially since I’ve put a lot of effort into training myself not to look at the camera during spanking videos (a concept I had difficulty grasping until more recently than I’d like to admit). I think I ended up blushing and bashfully looking at the ground and saying “I guess.” That’s me. The queen of articulation right there! You can watch this spanking sometime soon on Kitchen Sink Spanking. It’s not available yet, but will be before too long.)
I spent a while working on another project under the tree, and then spent a little bit more time swinging just for fun before we climbed out of the branches and back into the real world. We got back into the car and drove to a piece of civilization where we found a cafe to eat a late lunch, which was extremely delicious. Soon, it was time for me to go shoot my custom video, so Paul stayed in the town to hang out while I drove off up a big hill. The place which Pandora (Jones, not Blake) had found for us to shoot was a strange but magical little hippy commune nestled in the hills. She’d rented two little houses there. Odette and I arrived around the same time and went off to find Pandora and Samantha, but we got distracted by a treehouse on the way. Odette climbed up and I snapped a picture:
I like being around Odette because she’s one of the only people I know who is more eager to do fun (ridiculous) things than I am, even if hanging out with her does make me feel like a giant.
We met up with the other two girls, and I gave Pandora such a giant hug. She’s the lady who helped me do my first ever kinky shoot, the first person who ever tied me up and has been a beloved friend for years, but I haven’t seen her since before I left for South Dakota. She’s living on the East Coast now, but was visiting LA for a little bit. It was so good to be back around her, even if we only got to see each other for a couple of hours. It was awesome to meet Samantha. I’d seen her work for a long time, and was glad to get to work alongside her! She’s even prettier in person and relaxed, friendly and down-to-earth.
Before we filmed, Odette showed us her Google Glass, which she’s using to make the ultimate POV experience these days. I knew very little about them, so she explained a lot of what they can do and I was very impressed. We then filmed the custom pretty directly, then spent a little while hanging out. I couldn’t stay and talk for as long as I would have liked to, but it was great to have the time that we did.
I had parked on a dirt road which was also a hill, which made getting out of the commune tricky. My car slid down the hill and ended up in a pile of leaves and debris off the edge of the road. Somehow, I didn’t panic, and instead put the car in neutral, got out, cleared the brush away from the back wheels and then pushed the car back onto solid terrain. Ha! Such a grown up!
I then went and picked Paul up and we headed home, where I made us a pot roast with roasted carrots and potatoes for dinner and we spent the rest of the night catching up on work before it was time for snuggles and bed.
PS- Yes! I’m back! Except more posts soon! ♥
Hi hi hi!
So, today I was made aware that apparently I wasn’t just getting the aforementioned spanking for not having been keeping up with blogging, but instead, a “severe beating.” Um… *nervous lip biting* back to our regularly scheduled posting and let’s all forget about this incident? Does that sound good to you? Sounds good to me. ^_^
Anyway, I have exciting news to share 😀
Over the past couple of months, Paul and I have been working on a project together. I really like filming videos with him: this was, after all, our original interaction, and there’s nothing better than watching the dynamics between real partners on film. We obviously sometimes film together for Northern Spanking and we’ve done scenes for other sites but, once we moved in together, we wanted to start doing more scenes with just the two of us, and doing them in a more low-key, natural, domestic setting. We wanted to capture the energy of our household and our relationship and to explore many of the various facets there in. I wanted to be able to say “Haha, that would be a funny video, grab the camera and let’s do it RIGHT NOW!” We wanted things that were naturally occurring instead of being pre-designed. We wanted to be able to sometimes do scenes that weren’t necessarily spanking scenes. It was obvious that this content needed its own home on the internet.
We spent a while trying to come up with the name of our future site. Most of this time was spent with Paul asking me what I thought would be a good idea and me saying “I don’t know, I can’t think of anything.” I’m horrible at naming things. I felt impossibly clever when I came up with “Alex in Spankingland” (although it required encouragement from my friend Sophie to convince me that it seemed good to others instead of just me). If I hadn’t happened upon it, this blog would probably just be called “Spanking Alex.” Not very creative.
Paul was the one who came up with the name for new project: Kitchen Sink Spanking. The name derives from a genre of film, television and theater which was popular in the 1950’s and 60’s in England known as “kitchen sink realism.” This genre attempted to create stories which were depictions of the dramas, interpersonal relationships, highs and lows of the daily life of regular people, and were set in apartments or houses, often centering around the kitchen instead of requiring the creation of fancy sets. I think that this fits perfectly with the essence that we were trying to capture.
Everything that we’ve filmed thus far has been in our own home, and we do it with just the two of us there. As such, the camera sits on a tripod and we don’t use a lot of equipment. As such, the films have a very different feel than the formal shoots that we do, but it’s actually very enjoyable. I find them to be delightfully voyeuristic.
Are the films simply snippets from our every day life? Not exactly. I make no claims that these videos occurred naturally, or that they’re “reality porn.” We certainly don’t just set a camera up and go about our daily lives and then edit it down to the parts that include spanking. The clips vary in verisimilitude: some are more fun and allow me to engage in fun-for-everyone whining, foot stamping and petulance (this is fun for everyone… right?!). A couple are quite serious. I like this variety. The first film is a cute story about me being first introduced to a new DD relationship, complete with a lot of the aforementioned protestation and a hairbrush spanking. It’s the first one we filmed, and we had a lot of fun doing it. The second film follows the same story, but in addition to my getting spanked it includes me getting smacked with a kitchen implement on both the fronts and backs of my thighs. This was entirely unscripted. I was surprised by how the scene had become spontaneously worse. 😛 The third, still following the same tale, gives rise to this adorable sadface:
There’s one which is goddamn adorable and simply a replay of a scene which actually happened, in which I went to Zeki’s house, made cookies with her and returned with only the tale of how good they were for Paul, who was clearly in need of biscuits. Justice was served instead:
As we went on making the videos, we started making upskirt films, which I find delightfully naughty and which excite my exhibitionist streak. There are a couple of harder scenes, and then there’s something… different. Over the course of the past eighteen months, my relationship between sexuality and kink has been developing quite a bit. While I previously described these drives as being separate and parallel, as I grew more comfortable with myself and began to have partners who were both involved in my kink life and my sex life, this division slowly began to breakdown. There’s a LOT of writing to be done about this, but 2:00 AM while seated on Sarah Gregory’s couch is neither the time nor place to attempt to tackle this topic. Suffice to say, I’ve begun to enjoy certain combinations of these activities. As such, I decided that I wanted to make my first blatantly sexually charged video. The video is actually quite intense: it’s a disciplinary caning which has a lot of energy, and which stirs up a lot of emotion in me. My bottom was already sore when we filmed this, and the strokes are hard. I cry and wail and get rather pathetic. Throughout the entire scene, though, I was very… er… aroused (and I’m very embarrassed to admit this!) and once my punishment was complete, I went to my room to fix this condition in myself. I must admit, I haven’t watched it (it makes me feel very awkward to think about doing so!), but it’s my only masturbation film out there, and it’s entirely genuine. Curious? Feel free to check it out, and I’ll have more writing about sexy-kink times later.
I do have this deep fear that people will be upset about this change in me, but it was no longer genuine to perpetuate the idea that there are no longer situations where spanking is sexual for me. I hope you all still like me, even though I no longer have a hardline stance on this issue. 🙂
I hope you consider checking out the site, as I’m quite pleased with the results myself!
Now, it’s off to the bath, and then some glorious sleep! ♥