On Thursday night, after Malignus and I had returned home from the various things we’d done that day, he called me into the bedroom. His tone was very gentle, but the words that he chose left no room for confusion. “Come into the bedroom and shut the door,” is Malignus for “it’s time for a spanking.”
It was the 31st, and therefore time to finish up the remaining spankings from New Years. There were five days worth of spanking left to be accounted for. Instead of grabbing a handful of random implements like he did last time, though, this time, Malignus was simply holding one: the hairbrush.
This particular hairbrush is a formidable adversary. It’s an antique, oval shaped brown ebony hairbrush that WearYouOut gave to me as a gift, and it’s as solid as a rock. It has a fairly small spanking surface compared to some other hairbrushes. Being totally honest, it’s probably my favorite implement that is currently in our collection. Hairbrush spankings just feel right to me. They work perfectly for OTK and they have the traditional and domestic feeling that I really prefer over the more BDSM-y feeling implements. There’s also the fact that a hairbrush was the first implement which I was spanked with all those years ago, which gives it the highest level of familiarity to me. This particular hairbrush is a favorite because while it’s very emotionally comfortable for me, it hurts like a sonofabitch. It’s one of the most severe OTK implements that we own. I’m all about the combination of feeling emotionally comfortable while being physically pushed towards my limits, and this is an implement which works well for that.
|The hairbrush in question is balanced on my back after PTL and Heather Green gave me my first ever spanking with it at Shadowlane.|
As warm as my feelings are towards that hairbrush, it certainly causes my stomach to flop whenever it’s about to be used. The idea of getting five sets of 67 swats with it was a little intimidating, to say the least. Still, I was excited. I really wanted a spanking. It had been absolutely freezing outside that night: -32F after the windchill and I had been outdoors and walking through the snow far more than I would have preferred to. I felt chilled to the bone. I could think of nothing that would warm me like a spanking would.
Malignus sat down on the bed and set out pillows for my face as I bared myself for the spanking. I was wearing layers to protect from the cold: jeans under a sweater dress. I decided to take my jeans all the way off, then pulled down my panties and gathered my dress at my waist. Then I got over his lap. Malignus rubbed my back gently for a moment and then announced: “I’m going to spank you now.”
The first line of conversation during a spanking starts the tone of the scene for me. “Hold still, I’m gonna hit you with stuff” is the start of a lighthearted or arbitrary spanking. “Why are you getting this spanking, Alex?” leaves no question in my mind that the spanking to follow will be chastising. “I’m going to spank you now” makes me feel instantly submissive. In the context of a scene, just hearing the word “spank” sends a shiver down my spine. It makes the spanking feel very real right away, and gives me a sense of safety and security. The calm and confident assurance that I’m going to be spanked makes aware that while the spanking is something that I personally desired, it’s happening because it was decided by him, and that’s a feeling that gives me a lot of comfort.
The spanking itself was hard, and it hurt in a way that only a spanking given to me by Malignus with that particular hairbrush has ever hurt. It’s a deep penetrating hurt which buzzes and sparks and burns. As often happens, I met the beginning of the spanking with some resistance: mostly whining and wailing sounds and some wiggling. At one point, when I became particularly vocal, Malignus reminded me that “it’s supposed to hurt.” In some contexts, that sounds trite, almost mocking. Here, it was reassuring and gave me a positive reminder of what I wanted from the spanking. I wanted it to hurt. It wouldn’t be a “real” spanking if it didn’t. I tried to focus on that fact, instead of on the areas of my mind which wanted to escape from the pain, which didn’t want to accept the spanking.
After what felt like a long time, Malignus stopped and told me that we were 3/5ths of the way through the spanking. It felt to me as if the entire thing should have been done by then, but this information gave me a feeling of resignation. Following this, we had a conversation which made me feel significantly more vulnerable, but also very safe and submissive. He asked me if I wanted the rest of the spanking to be on my bare bottom or if I’d rather redress. He assured me that the rest of the spanking would be with the hairbrush, and reminded me of just how much that hurt. I knew what I wanted: that I really did want to be bare and vulnerable and that I wanted the spanking to hurt as much as possible. The trouble was in saying this. Malignus gave me as long as I needed to “really think about what I was saying” and gently rubbed my back as I thought. This pushed me over some sort of edge. I felt the rest of my resistance crumbling, and with it, a lot of the stress that had accumulated through regular every day life. I started to cry. There was something different about starting to cry during a part of a spanking that wasn’t physically painful. It felt…pure. I felt genuine with myself, like I wasn’t keeping anything back. It was at that point that I asked to be spanked on the bare, so he began to spank me again.
I perceived the next “set” as being much harder than those that had come before, but this was probably because of my mental and emotional state. I tried hard to represent the submission that I was feeling internally in the way that I was responding, but I’m not sure if I did this ideally or not. I know that I cried, and I cried away all the things that were feeling wrong in me. When the fourth set was finished, Malignus told me that he’d be finishing up with his hand. Hand spanking is the most intimate thing for me. I obviously don’t mean this in a sexual way, but I feel the strongest connection, the most closeness and the strongest form of physical communication from an OTK spanking with just a hand. This was perfect then. When he finished the final set, we exchanged our final “Happy New Years!” statements, although I hardly remember this. He then went on to spank me more, just because he felt like it.
When it was finished, I felt positively edified. It’s the only word I have for it. I felt like I’d not just spewed out all the stress that was in me in the form of tears on my pillow, but I’d instead replaced it with some sort of tranquility and a renewal of strength. I know that this might sound almost silly, but it was a profound experience for me.
It’s really wonderful to be loved.
It started on New Year’s Eve.
When we were discussing what would make for a good New Year’s, I had, of course, mentioned a spanking to ring in the year. We spent the evening at home together, so as midnight approached, Malignus instructed me to find something that I wanted to be spanked with. Selecting one’s own implement is an ordeal. There’s a certain balance that has to be struck. I’m only ever asked to select implements for lighthearted spankings, so I don’t want to select something which will be excessive for that atmosphere and make me miserable. At the same time, I’m less emotionally vulnerable in such a situation, so I don’t feel pain as severely as I would during other types of spankings so I don’t want to select something which isn’t going to leave me feeling like I was properly spanked. I spent probably too long a time literally weighing my options (picking them up in my hand to feel the heft and weight of them, giving myself test swats et cetera) and finally made my choice. I selected “Ben,” a pretty hefty wooden spoon, since I was feeling rather daring. Once this selection had been made, I brought it to Malignus and he invited me to lie over his lap while we watched Firefly. In case you don’t know, this is my favorite show of all time. I derive the surname of my scene identity from the main character: Malcolm Reynolds.
|I’m seriously in love. Don’t judge.|
I haven’t spent a lot of time lying bare bottomed over someone’s lap when a spanking was not in progress. It was basically the coziest and most relaxing thing I’d ever felt. I knew entirely that I belonged there and that everything was right with the world. Then, right before Midnight, Malignus announced that he was going to hit me 67 times. I found this confusing, considering the fact that Malignus is mildly OCD and really hates prime and odd numbers and that it seemed like an entirely arbitrary number. Soon, though, our alarms beeped for midnight and Malignus began my spanking. It was fairly hard, and I had selected a pretty serious implement, so I squirmed and wailed. He spanked me at an even tempo, but building in intensity. Still, 67 swats isn’t all that many for an OTK style spanking, so it ended at a point where I was gasping for breath and felt very much like I had been soundly spanked but before it reached a point where things had become truly overwhelming. Afterwards, we hugged and exchanged “Happy New Years!” and then went back to the episode.
After a little bit, I asked him why he had selected that number. He told me to figure it out on my own. This lead to me doing a lot of math on the calculator on my phone. The closest thing that I came up with was the fact that 2013 divided by 30 was ~67. I guessed that this was because 30 is the age that Malignus recently turned. He informed me that while my math was correct, the reason behind it was not. He then told me that it was his intention to spank me in this manner every day for the next thirty days, so that by the end of the month (with a little wiggle room) I’d receive 2013 spanks. This idea made me seriously grin, as does any plan that involves me getting lots and lots of spanking.
We worked on the schedule of having a nightly, succinct spanking for the first week or so of the month and then our vanilla lives took over and declared that this was not to be the case. Malignus’ work schedule got in the way of things for a few days, and then I left for my Denver excursion, which I returned from with a serious case of the flu which Malignus then contracted from me, following which he pulled a muscle in his spanking arm… you get the point. Things just kept happening that kept us from working on our celebratory plan.
Instead, Malignus decided that we’d get caught up in the form of clusters. He started giving me sets of 67 swats with one implement before moving on to the next one and the next one. I actually preferred this a bit, since these spankings ended up pushing me further and therefore being more gratifying for me.
On Monday of this week, we still had quite a few sets of 67 to get through and the month was, obviously, coming to a close. The spanking started with “Let’s work on New Years.” I then got into position over a few pillows on the bed as he grabbed a handful of implements from their secret stash (a giant pile under the bed which is kind of flowing out from two toy bags). The spanking started out differently than many spankings do between us: he started using a hairbrush with a very small spanking surface but using it quite hard and at a noteworthily quick pace. It felt like the entire set of 67 swats was delivered in about thirty seconds. Due to the startling nature of this, I did not take this set particularly well. I rolled around a bit, kicked once or twice and cried out “OW,” which always feels a little foolish to me. (Well, duh, ow, Alex! says the voice in my head).
The next two sets were considerably less severe. He used lightweight implements at a fairly manageable pace, and I relaxed into the spanking. The next two implements brought me to the peak of where this particular spanking would hurt: he used this silly joke paddle that I got at Bear Country USA. It’s basically made of plywood and reads “Bald Man’s Hairbrush.” I bought it mostly out of amazement that they still sell souvenir paddles somewhere in the world! I had never actually been spanked with it before. (Un)fortunately, Malignus is a Wizard when it comes to spanking, and he managed to get it to be the most intolerably stingy thing ever. I felt positively lit on fire when the set ended. Immediately after, he switched to my nemesis: our small lexan paddle. He didn’t use it with full force, but it still hurt like nobody’s business. Immediately after that, he used a wooden spoon very lightly.
When that was over, he moved on to use a number of other implements which I didn’t really keep track of, but I noticed an unusual pattern: none of them hurt. At all. It felt like I was getting spanked, but without any of the pain. At one point, I stopped to point this out and Malignus explained that it had to do with my endorphins and the manner in which the first set had made my skin swell and the way that the light set had offset the painful part. That’s not very clear, because it was being explained to me while I was in endorphin land.
What eventually happened, though, was that I was able to take spanking after spanking without blinking an eye. The most interesting part was when he started caning me. He gave me 67 strokes with a rattan cane that usually makes me cry with six. I didn’t feel any of the surface pain whatsoever. I just felt the lingering ache that accompanies cane strokes, and found that without the buzzing, itching (as Pandora Blake described it) sting, it was postively pleasant. I remarked that none of this was hurting, and Malignus sort of laughed. “The beauty of this,” he said, “is that it will later.” He then rubbed capsaicin on my very warm bottom, just to be sure, I suppose.
By the time we finished for the day, I had been spanked with all these things:
For most of the day, all I really felt when I sat down was the capsaicin. It was full of it’s usually burning, but because I still had a residual endorphin high, I felt pretty okay with this. Then, around eight PM, I got up, did a few things and sat back down on my computer to discover that I felt like I had been very severely spanked. It was like magic. All day, the spanking had been hiding under my endorphines and swelling and suddenly it appeared.
I guess there are still new experiences for me in Spankingland. 🙂
I left off from my year-in-review after describing June and the excitement it contained. I shall now pick back up with:
While I didn’t blog about it, I had an amazing 25th birthday on July 6th, during which I visited with friends, got to go to Bear Country (my favorite of places!) got lovely birthday spankings and received my most beloved pets, Telsa and Newton the guinea piggies, from Malignus. It was seriously great.
Later that month, I started out on a series of adventures which would keep me away from home for most of the rest of the summer. This began with Chicago Crimson Moon. I had lots of fun and met many cool people for the first time, and I got to spend more quality time with some people I really care for. From Chicago, I flew to LA for another visit, which was fun and exciting.
August started out in Los Angeles, where I got to visit with friends and eat lots of delicious ethnic treats. Especially noteworthy was the time that I spent visiting with Erica Scott and the adventures that Lily Starr and I shared. While there, I celebrated my seventh “Spankoversary” which I discovered takes place on Consensual Spanking Day. From Los Angeles, I traveled to Texas to do more shooting and have more adventures. I stayed with WYO and LLB and got to get really close with them. They’ve become some of my favorite people, and I’m really thankful to have them in my life! Near the end of my visit with them, Heather joined us there for a night and then the next morning, the two of us took off on a road trip of epic proportions which would eventually land us at the Mother of All Spanking Parties: Shadow Lane. It was an epic party where I got to meet and hang out with lots of awesome people, and, because of the company I got to keep, was probably the best party I’ve been to at present.
My regret for the month of August is that Richard Windsor didn’t spank me when we met, but I’ve set things in motion to make my future spanking from him inevitable. 🙂
September started out as a recovery month for me. I landed back in Sioux Falls after having been gone for six weeks straight and was very glad to see Malignus again. I celebrated the completion of my first year as a spanking model and my 100th blog post. I did lots and lots of sleeping to make up for time lost while on the road. After I was caught up, I had a big event. I had organized my first spanking get together, a private cabin party in Colorado. It was amazing. Things came together extremely well, and everyone had a great time. I got to see a ton of people I care about and spent lots of quality time with them. There were lots of outdoor spankings, including outdoor switchings:
We traveled on and came across a series of small, young birch trees. The area that I chose to get a cabin in happened to, entirely by chance, be largely without deciduous trees, so this was a bit of a rarity. As we viewed them, the Tops pointed out that they were very supple and swishy looking and would make excellent switches.
“Oh darn!” I exclaimed. “No one has a knife with them. What a shame. I guess we can’t have any switches.”
Robert pulled a knife out of his pocket. If life was a comic book, there would have been a “SNIKT” sound effect. My face looked like this: -_-.
Shortly after a large number of switches had been cut, we climbed up to a small tree house. We got inside and ellee and I received treehouse switchings. The joy of being in a treehouse and being spanked while viewing an incredible landscape almost took away the sting. Key word: almost.
October was the month where I SUCKED at blogging. I did basically none of it, only banking two entires. I did, however, have lots of important things happen. For one, after returning home from the cabin party, I realized that not only did I feel naturally submissive towards YS, I really liked feeling submissive towards him. There were little moments during the party where I knew that things just felt right. After consulting with ellee to make sure she was alright with it (as she is my best friend, after all) I asked YS to take me under consideration and he agreed. I think that same day, or maybe the next, ellee asked Malignus to do the same thing for her. I really like the system that was created: ellee and I have always been sisterly and there’s something that makes the world feel like it is in its proper order that we both answer to the same pair of people. It was also in October that I went to Los Angeles for more epic adventures in modeling, visited Disneyland with Lily Starr and Robert Wolf, shot Sternwood Academy, Volume 2, went to Denver and shot a billion amazing pictures with Amoni, filmed with Real Spankings AND went to Crimson Moon’s Halloween party, where my Bad Counterpart (theBadAlex) and I discovered the horrors of eyebrow threading and were probably both traumatized for life. Busy. Month.
November was another resting month, and the beginning of some winter time off. There was a drastic increase in my posting frequency during this month, due to YS’ new leadership: he implemented rules ensuring that I post frequently enough to keep everyone happy.
For Thanksgiving, Malignus and I traveled to Texas where we spent it with WYO, LLB and an assortment of other awesome spankos. It was a great time. I love being at their place: wonderful friendship, delicious food, nightly hot tubbing, hard spankings, cute puppy. What more could a girl ask for in life, really? I also spent lots of time working on plans for Malignus’ (then) upcoming birthday surprises. Near the end of the month, I got grounded from using the light on the stove for leaving it on too often. I’m including this because it still seems rather ridiculous to me, both that I would get such a simple thing wrong and that I’d end up getting so much grief for it.
December was, by leaps and bounds, the highest traffic month that my blog ever saw. This is probably largely owed to YS’ encouragement, an attempt that I started making to put more of my narrative writing skills into some of my posts and the fact that a couple of my posts ended up on Chross’ list. Certainly not without effect on this is the fact that I was nominated for Creative Spanking Blog of the Year over at The Spanking Spot, an honor which made me extremely proud. Early in the month I had kind of a break through scene with Malignus, which was also noteworthy because I feel it was one of the only times I’ve actually been able to successfully write up a scene-story in a way that could be meaningful to anyone other than myself.
The holidays descended on us! At first, our festivities began slowly, but as friends got involved, things picked up pace. We started out with one Christmas ornament: a tiny ornament of a wooden spoon with a red handle (like some awful thing that a lot of girls are familiar with). By the time New Years rolled around, we had lights, a small but beautiful tree with a bunch of great decorations on it, Christmas cookies, Christmas stockings, wrapped presents, candy and I even got Christmas pajamas. Malignus got me a Kitchenaid mixer, something I’d always dreamed about. I was a really freaking happy girl, and I had a very Merry Christmas indeed.
The highlight of the month, and possibly of the year, was Malignus’ birthday, though. I secretly planned a series of five surprises for him: first, ellee arrived at the house for a surprise visit. Then, I left the two of them alone to enjoy some time together while I snuck off and retrieved Heather Green. After their weekend ended, Malignus was pretty sure that was that was the end of his festivities. It was not. The next weekend, PTL ALSO arrived for ANOTHER secret visit! This also included his fourth surprise, a birthday cake with the words “It’s your birthday again” on it.
Needless to say, he loved it. His final surprise arrived a few days after his actual birthday: it was a book that I’d made for him. I asked as many people as I could think of who I knew were close to Malignus in some capacity to make a page for this book, expressing whatever sentiment they wanted to share. Because of time constraints and other situations, not everyone was able to participate, but I still got 20+ awesome pages, all of which brought a huge smile to Malignus’ face. Heather and I even designed a page from her dog, Lucy. Malignus likes Lucy so much he did not even think this was stupid.
By the time that New Year’s Eve rolled around, I was supposed to be finishing this post, but I instead got goofy on the one glass of champagne that I had and didn’t get around to it, preferring NOT to write when tipsy and stupid. The first day of 2013 was great, the next two, not as much, but I know things will pick up. I’m looking forward to having a wonderful year!
Thanks to everyone who made 2012 one of the best years ever. Love you guys. ♥