I hope everyone had a good Valentine’s Day, and the week that followed it!
My holiday was relaxed, but lovely. For me, the bigger event happened the day before: it was the day that Paul came back from England. I had been counting down the days until this happened for ages.
Three months is a very long time to be apart from the person you love. Fortunately, the miracle of technology allowed us to talk over skype and to text at least a little bit every day, and we used an App called Wunderlist to allow him to see which of my chores and work I was getting done every day and what I needed to focus on.
I also focused on having fun and keeping myself from getting too sad. I spent lots of time with wonderful friends in Los Angeles, spent Thanksgiving with Christy Cutie and her family of origin, visited my friend James and Korey in Dallas for a week, spent three weeks in New York/New Jersey with family over the holidays and was visited here by Jon83, Thursday Night and Michael Valentine. Lily Starr, Robert Wolf, Tattoo Fairy and I went to Disneyland together for two days. I spent another day there with my friend Dot. All of this helped to keep me both busy and distracted, and I remained pretty happy and in high spirits, although there are always going to be times where I struggle.
During the time that Paul was away, the new ATVOD law came into effect, making the production of spanking videos in the UK illegal. I became the owner of Northern Spanking. My first spanking romance novel was published and was listed in the top 5 BDSM Romance books on Amazon shortly after it was released. I was voted Spankee of the Year for 2014.
In other words, a lot of time had passed since November, and I’d spent countless hours dreaming of the moment that I would first see Paul again. I could hardly sleep on the night before he arrived, since I knew he was already on the plane flying to meet me. In the morning, I had some chores left to do, since I always aspire to make the house as close to perfect as I can when Paul is getting home. I want it to be nice for him, and the house needs to be deep cleaned every once in a while, anyway. Once everything was done, I took a long bath, complete with a rose petal bath bomb. I put a treatment in my hair and a mask on my face and tried to relax a little, although my heart was beating a mile a minute.
Around six, I hopped into my car and headed for LAX. It usually takes me about an hour to get to the airport, and Paul was landing around 7:00, so I figured I would have time to find out exactly where he was going to come out of immigration. Unfortunately, I sat in traffic for two hours, and arrived around the time he was coming out of immigration. I met up with him a moment later than I would have wanted to, and after a lot of rushing, but it was alright. Everything was alright. The night was warm and I stood on my tiptoes as we kissed for a long while, troubles and cares literally melting away. I snuggled up to his chest and refused to let go. Finally, we carried his luggage back to my car as I chatted spastically. We drove to a diner for dinner before heading home. Paul was exhausted from the trip, so we snuggled up in bed pretty shortly after getting in.
The next morning was time for spanking, of course:
I recently became obsessed with my local Korean Spa. My girlfriend and one of our friends and I go once a week to soak in the big tubs, sit in the saunas, eat delicious Korean food and sometimes get rather violently massaged. One day I decided to get a full body scrub in order to make sure that I was truly soft and silky to the touch. The woman giving me the scrub commented that I had an awful lot of dead skin on my bottom, and she scrubbed it particularly vigorously. This was the strongest form of exfoliation I’ve ever experienced, and when she finished, it felt like my body had never been touched before. I quickly discovered that this also meant that my bottom was incredibly sensitive, and that every single smack stung with a strength and clarity that I hadn’t felt in years. I can’t decide if I recommend doing this or not: on the one hand, my butt feels wonderful to touch, but on the other, my tolerance was scrubbed off and washed down the drain along with my dead skin, it seems!
We spent most of Valentine’s Day cuddling and Paul caught up on rest for a while. Then I got dressed up (and forgot to take a photo, fail!) and we went downtown for dinner, which was most excellent. When we finished eating, it was time to go home for more cuddling and eventually sleep. I can’t really describe what the day was like. It was more of a long series of moments that we spent together, where every tiny thing was significant to me. Interlacing our fingers to hold hands. The sound of him singing quietly along to a song we both like in the car. Slipping into his jacket to cuddle against his chest. Being alone in my room but hearing the sound of him in the office and feeling my heart flutter with excitement at the fact that he was here. These little moments, loving the details of a person, are what romance is all about for me.
The next day I had sessions, but before that we snuck off for brunch with Spankcake at a diner that promised the world’s greatest pancakes. They were certainly good: fluffy and delicious! As is usual when I’m with Spankcake and/or Erica, we stayed until the last possible moment. Sometimes this is when the restaurant closes, but this time it was when I had to go home to get ready for work. The next day was President’s Day, though, and Spankcake had the day off so between bites of pancakes, we launched a plan for an adventure: we decided to go to Dave and Buster’s.
I only discovered Dave and Buster’s when James and Korey Johnson took me there when I was visiting them in Dallas in December but I fell in love with it instantly. An arcade which serves alcohol and snacks and has lots of fun games that “grown ups” like me can play? I was hooked. Korey and I had spent ages playing games last time, and had traded in our tickets for some candy. So, I was glad to find out that there was one close to me, at Hollywood and Highland.
The three of us carpooled in Spankcake’s car, which was a good thing, because I had recently discovered that they served alcoholic snowcones there and I intended to indulge myself in this department. We had a quick lunch and I had a delicious drink, and then it was time to go play games (while Paul went to go check out the set up they were doing for the Oscars).
We started off doing pretty well, and playing a few different games. We were hoping to get enough tickets so that we could each get a small stuffed Hello Kitty, so we needed about a thousand total. We were making good progress when we discovered there was a Candy Crush machine. This is a game every single person who has a cell phone or facebook knows how to play! Spankcake and I were doing well and collecting lots of tickets, especially when we would complete a level and get to spin the bonus wheel. We were so excited about this that we were jumping up and down. We discovered that we were only a few levels away from winning the big bonus, though, and through dedicated effort and team work we were able to accomplish that goal: an addition 1000 tickets.
Then we went to show Paul, who had returned and was sitting in the bar, just how great we were at games. He was impressed! When we cashed in the tickets we found out that we had enough to each get a pretty big stuffed animal, bigger than we expected by far!
Then it was happy hour, and time for more mixtures of alcohol and pure sugar!
After that, we ended up exploring the mall and I bought a bunch more panties, because that’s obviously the thing I need the most in my life!
I realize that this post doesn’t have that much spanking in it. It’s more “Alex in Happy Little Girl Land” but I’m okay with that. More spankings coming soon, trust me. ❤︎
Just a couple of really quick things. First of all, Spanking Awards. I was so excited when, in 2012, I was nominated for Creative Blog of the Year and even more excited when I won. There weren’t any awards the following year: I guess brushstrokes has stopped blogging pretty much, and didn’t host any awards. Thankfully, my good friend The Chief over at Spanking Blogg has resurrected these awards. It’s currently in the nominations process, so I recommend that you guys go check it out and nominate your favorite spankees, spankers, sites, blogs et cetera. I know that on one level it’s a silly little thing, but getting recognition is really nice and there are so many wonderful people who work so hard to make the spanking piece of the internet awesome, so go share your favorites!
Secondly, I’ve just finished removing some blogs from my blogroll. I removed blogs that hadn’t been updated in six months (with the exception of Maddy Marks‘ blog because every time I bring it up she tells me she is going to update again, and she’s one of my best friends so I’ll let her get away with it!) and any blogs that were not available for the 18+ public to view (those that required a password et cetera). I also removed a blog for talking extensively about spanking children (like, for real, not as a fantasy), which I do not condone or approve of. I also found that two blogs had moved URLs and updated those, so all the blogs on my list should be ones that update at least sometimes and that you can easily access.
That said, I feel like my blog list is currently incomplete. If you write a blog and I don’t have a link to yours, please leave a comment so I can add you. If there’s a blog you enjoy that I don’t link to, please let me know! I want to share as many quality spanking blog links as I can without just going through other people’s links lists and copying them.
I hope you all had a good Friday. I finished the work I needed to do early today, so Maddy and I went to the mall and did some shopping. I got new panties and some new pajamas.
I’m feeling very torn about the new stuff that I DID get. Part of me wants to get to wearing it right away due to the epic coziness, and part of me wants to save it until Paul gets back, because I like to wear new things for the first time when he’s with me. It seems a shame to wear something brand new and adorable for the first time while sitting alone at home! I suppose I have other options, like wearing them for a shoot or saving some and wearing others, or wearing them for the first time when we’re skyping sometime soon. I realize that this is not as big of a deal as I’m making it.
Maddy and I got caught in traffic getting me home after our excursion, so I had to do a quick change from “Aren’t you proud that I got dressed and left the house today” to “dressed up to go to a fetish club,” which is a significant difference! I managed to make myself presentable to the general kinky public in less than a half hour, though, which is not bad! I was hurrying, though, so I didn’t take a picture, but I wore heels. I’m trying to practice wearing heels a bit more, so I don’t seem like a baby deer when I walk in them. Anyway, I went to Sanctuary Studios LAX with The Cameraman from the Clare Fonda Sites. They were hosting a play party, and although neither The Cameraman or I intended to play, it was a fun place to hang out and catch up. There was also a live stage show which included four acts. The first part started with play piercing, which I didn’t mind watching although it is definitely not “my thing” (I have done it once, for the experience). It then turned into blood cupping, though, and I had to look away. I’m terrified of suction cups. It’s a weird thing to be afraid of, I know, but that’s just me. The idea of someone’s blood being sucked out of their body through their skin makes me feel like I’m going to pass out just describing it here. Since that was literally happening on the stage, I was happy that the Cameraman is very tall so I could angle myself so he blocked the show for me. Apparently after that, the blood was spread around and played with, but I couldn’t bring myself to watch that part, either. I guess I’m just squeemish. The next act was a dance routine which involved the performer stripping and then pouring an entire bottle of red wine all over themselves and then head banging, which created a pretty awesome visual effect, but I was glad that I was sitting closer to the back! The next part involved three girls being strapped to spanking benches, but instead of the spankings I was expecting, each was brought to a multitude of forced orgasms with the hitatchi. It would have been a lot more intense to observe if there hadn’t been loud music playing, but it was fascinating to see how each one responded to pleasure differently and the motions their bodies made. The final act was another strip-tease which involved some extremely impressive pole dancing. Watching live shows like this is kind of a new experience for me, and it was certainly interesting, if not particularly erotic for me. Of course, I don’t expect everyone to cater to my particular kink, but I kept eyeing the fact that there was a stage there, and fantasizing about being marched onto it to be punished in front of everyone… now that’s an idea I can get behind!
Anyway, it’s late and tomorrow my friend and I are going to Chuck E Cheese (yes, this was my idea, of course!) so I should probably go to bed. Now that I’m posting more often, a lot more posts are off topic from the spanking world, although pretty much everything in my life is tangentially related to spanking. From now on I’ll be labeling posts with “OT” in the title if there isn’t at least one part that discusses a spanking scene or a concept related to spanking, or if the post does not include spanking related photos.
As you all know, in the past year and a half or so, I’ve become really shitty at updating my blog. There are tons and tons of reasons for it, which I think I often explain when I’m talking about this. There are two main ones, though.
The first is time. I’m a busy girl, and I’m glad to be. I pack my days full of doing administrative work for myself, shooting, sessioning, house keeping, cat cuddling, writing, visiting friends and working on two projects that I don’t want to mention until they are finished but are very time consuming. I spend half of my year with Paul, visiting with him for three months at a time before he’s gone for another three. This ends up meaning that when Paul *is* here, I get wrapped up in wanting to spend all my free time with him, which I honestly think is totally legitimate. And in addition to Paul, I’m lucky enough to have Rafa and Z nearby, and, in case I haven’t mentioned it here, to have Z as my girlfriend again (we dated, broke up around the time that I was moving to South Dakota and recently started to date again). Having three significant others in one city means that I spend a lot of time with at least one of my partners. I have to learn how to build blogging into my daily activities once again, and it’s been a slow process, but I’m going to keep trying!
The second reason is vulnerability. When I started this blog, I was happy to sit down and just talk about everything that was going on in my life. This was something that slowly changed. My ex didn’t want me to write about certain parts of my life. Others seemed off topic. Others seemed to personal, too vulnerable. Things got to a point where my style changed and I only wrote encapsulated little stories or thought pieces. I love writing those things, and really, they’re always going to be my best posts, but I’ve decided that I want to start writing about my day to day life more.
There are some things that I strictly won’t talk about: what happens during sessions, for example, is strictly confidential, even if it’s funny or poignant. Similarly, I won’t share stories that aren’t mine to share: I won’t talk about things that are going on in my friends’ and partners’ lives unless I have their explicit permission to discuss it.
But, after that header, I’m ready to launch into talking about things. So, in other words, very little of this post is actually about spanking, so you might possibly find it boring.
Paul went back to England on Monday. The last week of him being here was mixed between trying to get as many things done as possible and me wanting to spend about 90 percent of my time like this:
Paul didn’t mind, of course. He wants to cuddle me just as much as I want to him. We snuggled and he spent a long time reassuring me that everything is, of course, going to be alright. I do require a lot of that, and it makes me feel silly sometimes, but that’s just me. Paul also spent a lot of time sitting in the yard and reading. The weather has been warm recently, even for Los Angeles and it had been sunny. He said that wanted to load up on sunshine to save for the long, gloomy winter in England that he had ahead of him, and I told him that he was being like Frederick the mouse. He was unfamiliar with this story, so I told it to him.
On Sunday, Paul obviously had plans for me. He had woken up earlier than me, as usual, and I laid in bed longer than I needed to listening to the sounds of him moving around the house. I was keenly aware that soon, I would we be waking up to quiet, and I took comfort in the reminder that he was there with me for at least a little while longer. When I got up, I discovered that he had laid a school uniform out for me. It was one of the ones from the Northern Spanking wardrobe, complete with a cute pink and blue striped tie. I hadn’t made the bed that morning because The Baby Monster was sleeping on it, and he looked particularly cute and I didn’t want to disturb him. Not making the bed is one of the most common reasons for us to segue into a play punishment spanking scene, and so it began, with Paul pulling me over his lap and lifting my rather short and form fitting navy blue skirt.
He began to spank me with his hand, no harder than the usual for fun spanking, but within a few moments, I burst into tears. I was in a state of total and complete vulnerability, and I couldn’t handle very much playing. He spanked me for a while, letting me cry out what really should have been all my tears. When he finished, he pulled me up into his lap and cuddled on him desperately. “How do you feel?” he asked me, as has done from time to time since the very first day that we played together off camera. This time, for the first time, I didn’t have an answer right away. I did feel happy to have been spanked, and to be existing in the comfortable bubble of being taken care of. At the same time, though, I felt sad. That was the only word for it. I was sad. I knew that Paul had to go, and I really didn’t want to make him feel guilty about it. I just couldn’t keep myself together, as much as I wanted to be able to put everything away.
Paul had planned to spend most of the day playing together, but he altered this plan when he realized that I just wasn’t up for it. Instead, he spent the time looking after me, and doing everything he could to make me feel safe and secure. We decided to go out to eat at one of our favorite spots (Curry House, for those of you who want Los Angeles restaurant recommendations from me and like Japanese food). Before we ate, we went into the Japanese bookstore, where Paul looked at some historical books and I found the section where they keep the “non nude erotic art”, which is essentially tease erotica, mostly focusing on school uniforms and upskirts. The first book I had purchased from that section, School Girl Complex, didn’t actually include any pictures with panties in it, much to my disappointment, but it was incredibly suggestively erotic and very beautiful artwork. This time, though, I found one that while it didn’t include any explicit nudity, had lots of underwear photos in it. I happily showed it to Paul, who said “That’s coming home with us.” I would take a picture of the book to show you, but Paul took it with him to England.
Dinner was delicious, as always. We always have the exact same meal there: hamburger curry for and a fruit punch, chicken breast katsu curry for Paul, and a Sapporo. My mood was significantly lighter as we ate, and I focused on the fact that we’d get to talk a lot and that I would keep myself very busy while he was away. Once we’d finished eating, we stopped into the local market, where Paul bought me candy and a Re-ment raccoon figure for my collection of little chumbly animals. From there, I noticed that one of my favorite stores was still open, and dragged Paul over to it. If there’s one store where the majority of my dresses comes from, it’s this one. Besides selling cute, girly things, they have a cat in the shop, and I always want to go in and pet him. It’s a very good business technique, really. I’m friendly with the shop keeper, and we ended up talking for a while. She knows that Paul is my boyfriend and that he goes back and forth to England, and we talked about this for a while. She asked how old we both were, and we joked a bit about our twenty year age gap. I’ve been coming to this store since the first time that I lived in Los Angeles, so over five years. The store keeper told Paul “Before, she was really miserable. You could see it in her face. Now she’s always smiling, look at how happy you make her.”
It’s true. Even when things aren’t easy, I feel so overwhelming lucky to be so in love– and so loved! I ended up buying a cardigan with cats on it (obviously) and then we headed home, where we had some “alone time” and then snuggled up for bed.
The next day, I made us brunch before we had to leave for the airport. I had worried that I was going to come completely undone, but I was alright. Paul had successfully brought me back to feeling secure and focusing on being loved, not on the distance that was about to separate us. I was surprisingly fine as I drove home. I was maybe a little bit numb, and I took the evening to myself, fucking around and playing video games while wearing my bunny suit (because that’s what you do when home alone, right?)
The next day was a busy one: in the morning, Maddy Marks and I went hiking, then we met up with her boyfriend, Siq, to go get lunch. After lunch, Maddy and I went to get our nails done, which made me feel tidy and pretty again after having felt slobby for a couple days while I had broken nails. Maddy hung out with me right until I had to leave for a bondage shoot, and after shooting I went out for delicious sushi. I was overjoyed and well fed, and I came home, where I did a bit of work and then went to bed.
Except it didn’t work. I have spent most of my life with circadian rhythm issues. For whatever reason, despite having a sternly enforced bedtime, it’s very hard for me to go to bed if there isn’t someone else there to remind me to. When Paul is here with me, he doesn’t even need to tell me to go to bed a lot of the time: I just tell him that I’m feeling sleepy and go get ready, sometimes before my bedtime. But for whatever reason, in an empty house I just don’t get sleepy. I grow tired and weary, but my brain remains awake. I was still awake when the sun came up the next day. I ended up dozing a little bit, then getting up and making myself something to eat, after which I pretty much immediately decided to go back to sleep. As soon as I got there, though, missionaries knocked on my door and woke me up. I hid under the blankets. Eventually I fell into a weird, groggy sleep full of strange dreams (those have been plaguing me recently) and I got up around 3:00 PM. I woke up with a headache, thinking it was caused by my weird sleep pattern. I soon realized it was a garden variety migraine, though, and medicated myself accordingly. Eventually, I perked up and got a bunch of work done.
Besides being sad about Paul heading back to England, I’m melancholy this time of year because it’s the time of year when my brother passed away three years ago. LOL day made me sad: I remember writing my first LOL day post while my brother was in hospice, just a couple of days before he left us. I’ve accepted that he’s gone and moved on, but that doesn’t mean that my heart will ever stop feeling like part of it is dead, too.
Fortunately, I’ve got a lot of stuff going on in the next few days to keep me distracted.
PS- when I went to label this I was overjoyed to discover that there was already a tag for “bunny suit.” I’m the best. 😛