Alex

Los Angeles, California, United States First and foremost, I’m a girl who loves being spanked. It’s at the very center of my being. I’m also a professional spanking model, which means I get to do what I love for my job. I’m twenty six years old, and currently located in Los Angeles when I’m not traveling around on my adventures. My vanilla interests include poetry, film history, academia, Pokemon, indie music, baby animals, baking and cooking, collecting vintage clothes and lots of cuddling.

Sex is pretty much the one topic that I don’t post about. Why not? Because I don’t mix spanking and sex, and I feel like a lame-o posting about something that doesn’t have anything to do with the purpose of this blog. I know a few people who successfully write off-topic posts that are very enjoyable, but I don’t know that I’ve reached the point where I’m good enough to pull that off.

Still, sex has made itself relevant to the conversation recently. I’ll explain how in a moment. First, some background.

*I’m polyamorous. All my relationships are open.
*I’m a pansexual. A person’s genital configuration and gender identity aren’t a factor in whether or not I am attracted to them. Somehow, this does not make it easier for me to get laid in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
*My boyfriend/Dominant/primary Top/HoH/favorite person, Malignus, is an asexual. This means that he is not sexually attracted to anyone. We’re romantically involved. We don’t have sex with each other. We don’t talk about sex. I’m pretty sure he’s never seen me entirely naked (except in photos on the internetz). Because of my strict wiring against mixing sex and spanking, this makes for the ideal relationship of the sort that we have.
*I don’t want to have sex with Malignus. At all. Ever. The fact that we have no sexual interest in one and other is a point of huge comfort for both of us. I get really grossed out when people imply that we’re doing it.
*I am in two other romantic relationships, both with sexual components. My boyfriend is on the West Coast and my girlfriend is on the East Coast. I have not seen either since I left California.
*Compared to other people interested in sex, I have a pretty low sex drive. Compared to my spank drive, I have like, no sex drive. I’d be pretty happy with having sex once every week or two.
*I have not had sex with another person in four months.

Four months got to be a bit much for me, and sex got to be on my brain again. I decided to start looking into finding a sexual partner. This has proved extremely challenging.

Here’s the thing: I want to date outside of the BDSM community here, for two reasons. First of all, I’m really lame and vanilla in bed. I do not like to have sex that hurts, even a little bit. If someone smacks my ass during sex, well, they’ve ruined it. Any accouterments of “the scene” (even dumb, sex store versions of them) just don’t belong with sex for me. Sorrryyyyyy! The second reason is drama. The scene here is my primary social circle. Sex between friends can lead to drama. It is my goal to avoid that at all costs.

Due to the second reason that I’ve listed, I don’t want to date people that I work with. Unfortunately, that leaves me with no other people that I know. So, I did what I did every time I’ve moved to a new city: I started a page on okcupid. In New York and Los Angeles, that quickly produced matches in the 90 percent range with interesting, educated people. I uploaded a quick couple of cell phone photos and started to fill out my page.

See the watermark? I left that there to prove I’m really on a dating site!

My page here was kind of like my fetlife profile, only without mention of spanking and way more pretentious/geeky. I’m sure you’re wondering how both those things are possible. I’m not linking to my vanilla identity (even if it doesn’t include my real name at all) here, so you’ll have to use your imaginations. I then answered 75 of the “match questions” in hopes of making the things that are important to me clear.

The site didn’t fail to disappoint me: within 20 minutes of completing this, I got a message from a guy who seemed to be on the opposite side of the fence from me on every issue possible, including things like religion, politics, evolution and birth control. The message simply read “your sexy.” I’ve yet to find any person on there who seems to share any of my actual interests, besides an interest in wanting to have genital contact with another person. How hard is it to find someone who likes Foucault, Terrance Malick, The Mountain Goats, homemade bread or pandas?! I’m not saying I want them all, just one!

The extreme lack of eligible mates in the vanilla dating pool leads me to the main problem, and the reason that I brought the s-word up in the first place. How the hell am I going to find a person outside of the scene who is going to be comfortable with my lifestyle? There’s no way that I can hide it from them. On any given day, I’ve got bruises on my bottom. Furthermore, why would I want to be involved with someone with whom I cannot share this very base part of me? The problem is with finding someone who is willing to accept what I do without wanting to do it with me.

I guess, at the end of the day, I can’t look too hard. My current plan is to consider all my options and not limit myself so much, and be less afraid and more open about who I am with people that I meet. The idea of being more “out” has been pretty appealing to me once I got past the point where I was ashamed of myself as a spanko.

I know that a lot of people don’t have the same sort of arrangement as I do in terms of separating sexual partners and spanking partners, but still: how has dating worked for you, as a spanko? Did your current partner know about your spanko-nature when they got involved with you? How did you bring it up?

Well, talking about sex was awkward. I blushed. The best thing to do when things are awkward is to show the internet your boobs, right?

Oh. That’s not it? Well, it made sense to me!

Today’s Valentine’s day. Both Malignus and I have to work, but we’ll be doing something special earlier in the day. It will probably involve A) romance and B) spanking. Win-win. Expect a more spanking-heavy post tomorrow. 😀

A while ago, I wrote about the awesome experience I had shooting with The Spanking Court. I did three scenes in a very fun (and quite “me”) storyline. The plot centers around me as a college student protesting for animal rights. In the first segment, I brought myself to the court because I was worried that I was going to cross the line. This is the part that made this particular production so relatable for me: I’m much better at acting in situations where I’m trying to do my best and ameliorate myself than I am at being bratty. The second segment is an update where I talk about how I’ve continued to do well. Those two spankings were great fun to film because they were very positive–the theme was “You’re doing well: keep doing well!”

In the third clip, I got out of hand and crossed the line and got myself in a boatload of trouble. This was also pretty relatable for me because, let’s face it: sometimes I get myself into a world of trouble. It’s never  because I try to: it’s because I don’t try hard enough not to. That’s what happened in the video, too. I didn’t keep myself under control and got arrested. (OOPS!)

This third segment, where I get a very hard, 200 stroke paddling, is now available on Spanking Court. There’s a promo video for it here:

I haven’t actually watched the entire video: I have a really hard time watching videos of myself. It just makes me feel weird. I watch enough to learn what I can do better in future videos (things with my posture, speaking more clearly et cetera) and then I’m usually done. This is a pretty intense video, too. It made me want to hug myself to watch it again.

Additionally, I’ve never posted them here before, but there are two other promo videos of me available on spankingtube. There’s one from my first shoot ever, with Assume The Position Studios:

and one from a recent(ish) shoot with Lily Starr Spanking:

Have fun watching me cry and stuff, and be sure to check out the sites from which they originate!

I haven’t been posting for the past few days. This is primarily because I haven’t been sleeping well. The less I sleep, the weirder my brain gets. For one thing, I tend to be pretty cranky, unless I get that under control (like I finally managed to do tonight.) When I’m not being moody and getting annoyed over tiny things, I get strange. Malignus once told me that when he gets sleep deprived he can feel parts of his brain shutting down. I’m kind of at that stage, too. Unfortunately, the first thing to go seems to be “making sense to other people.” So, we’ll see how this blog post goes. 
I think I have kind of a strange sense of humor to begin with, but it’s certainly been weirder the past couple of days. Example:
Yesterday, Malignus gave me a rather hard spanking. It started like this: I was wearing long underwear with pajamas over it. He hit me (not that hard) on the thigh and I pointed out the fact that I said “Ow!” despite the fact that I was wearing multiple layers of clothing. Using Top Logic®, he took this as a challenge. He decided that he was going to give me my spanking for the day over the clothes I was wearing. Then he decided that he was going to give it to me RIGHT THEN! 
So I got spanked really hard with a giant, hard plastic spoon called “The Killamajig,”plus this thing and our acrylic cane from caneiac, which is in close competition with my nylon cane for “cane that hurts the most ever invented.” Despite wearing all these clothes, I was still crying hard and rolling around on the bed. Then he told me to bare my bottom for the last few, which had a pretty powerful psychological effect on me (if it hurts this much with all this protection…) and took me a second to do. Those last few were certainly memorable.  When it was finished, I spent a while crying and wiping my face off while he spent a while being very pleased with himself indeed. I adore that: there’s really nothing better than a sadist who is pleased with his work. 
(NOTE: THIS IS NOT THE FUNNY PART. That was background.) 
I was proud of my marks, so I took a few photos. They were missing a little “pizzaz” or something, though: the lighting in our apartment isn’t ideal for photo taking, and it’s much harder without my giant mirror that used to serve my butt photography purposes so well. I didn’t upload any of them.
Then it hit me: I knew what I needed to do:

Mission accomplished. I’m way, way, WAY too amused by this. Every time I look at it, I literally lol. 
Additionally, tonight, one of my friends and I went to the grocery store to pick up some snacks and we stumbled upon this:

It’s a plastic spoon with a scared face! It makes me so, so, so happy! Even though I had sworn off purchasing implements, I HAD to buy it. The thing is solid, too, and different than any plastic spoon I’ve ever felt in composition. When the cashier picked it up to scan she said “Woah, that’s heavier than I expected it to be!” My friend, who is also a kinkster and knew exactly what the spoon was for, and I said “YEP!” in unison. I hardly made it through the rest of the transaction without bursting into laughter. 
LOOK AT THE FACE! It’s so perfect. 
I need sleep. -_-

First item of business: I’m February’s Blog of the Month over on The Spanking Bloggers Network. Thanks to everyone who voted for me! The Spanking Bloggers Network is an awesome thing, and I’m very grateful for it. It brings a lot of traffic and introduces me to new and exciting blogs every time I check it out. If you’re a spanking blogger and not a member of it yet, I urge you to check it out. If you don’t blog, check out the main page for links to other awesome writers on our favorite subject.

Secondly: I’m almost embarrassed to brag about this, but I finally got my driver’s license. I didn’t learn to drive when I was the normal age because my life was in a difficult place at the time. After that, I always lived in large cities and was greatly intimidated by driving in heavy traffic conditions. Finally, out here in South Dakota, I was able to become a confident driver. Once I got ready to take my test, however, things kept going wrong.

The first time I went to take my test, Heather drove me. We arrived and were promptly told that I was not in the computer system to take my test that day. They gave me a different appointment. The second appointment had to be rescheduled, however, because it was for the time when I was in New Jersey for my elder brother’s funeral. On the morning of my third appointment, I got running slightly late because I needed to put air in one of my tires which had gotten a bit low, and I arrived five minutes behind schedule. I was told that I was too late to test. The morning of my fourth appointment, I got a phone call from the DMV saying that all morning tests were cancelled because the Examiner was out sick and they were unable to find a replacement. The morning of my sixth appointment, I woke up to eight inches of freshly falled snow and near white-out conditions. As I was clearing off my car, I got a call that they could not test because of the weather.

The morning of my seventh appointment I was very, very nervous. I’d wanted this for such a long time and all the roadblocks that had been thrown in my face made me almost believe that the Universe had some kind of conscious, malevolent agenda against me (I DID say almost, you know I don’t buy all that metaphysical stuff :P). I got up, got ready and got to the appointment without anything bad happening. They found me in the computer and gave me my paperwork. Finally, I got in the car and started my test. The Examiner was mean. He seriously yelled every time I did anything less than perfectly, and before I started each turn he would say “DO IT PROPERLY THIS TIME!”

Why are mean men always showing up and yelling at me EVERYWHERE I GO?

When we finished the test, he said “did you prepare for this?”

I nearly started to cry. I was so sure I’d failed. I told him I had, indeed, prepared.

“Well you did very bad” he said. I was so upset I didn’t even correct his grammar. He brought me inside and started doing a bunch of paperwork. He didn’t tell me I had passed the test, ever. I only figured it out when he handed me my license. I nearly exploded with relief and excitement. It was magical.
I listened to The Mountain Goats and sang off key way too loudly all the way home.

Malignus was super proud of me, and we’ve basically spent the entire past two days celebrating how awesome I am. He gave me a reward spanking yesterday before we went out, and it was seriously the nicest thing ever. It started with a nice, long warmup that made me smile and practically coo (I try not to do that aloud, of course, because I think spanking a girl until she made happy bird noises might make Malignus explode to death and I don’t want that.) Then he spanked me with a wooden spoon for a while, hard enough to make me cry, but still with a tone of happiness and contentment. When that was finished, he gave me a lovely cooldown with his hand. It was incredibly cozy and happy, and I continued to feel warm and snuggly for the rest of the evening.

After that, we went out to dinner, where I proceeded to get moderately intoxicated from one glass of Sangria, consumed with a meal. SIGH. Being a lightweight is kiiiiiind of embarrassing. The food we ate was super amazing, and I got a tiny pink dessert in a little tea cup. Cute and delicious and full of win. I then went over to some friends’ house and had lots of fun hanging out with them while Malignus went to work. I then went and hung out at his office and ended up getting home at 6:30 in the morning or something. After that, I slept ALL DAY. I know this isn’t something to be proud of, but damn, I’m proud of it. I love sleeping and I don’t care who knows. I seriously slept until it was time to get ready for dinner.

We went out to dinner again, and then to ice cream, and then to a movie. Now I’m home and snuggled up writing. Tomorrow, we’re going to hang out with friends for a Super Bowl party. This weekend is basically full of win.

I didn’t take any photos of my butt for the past several days (GASP?!) but here’s a picture of it after a caning I got last weekend.


Don’t worry: I didn’t get sudden butt death!
I hope your weekend is good, although I bet it isn’t as amazing as mine! 😛

I have a couple of friends online who are anticipating receiving their first spankings. Talking to them about it reminds me of when I was at that stage in my journey as a spanko. There’s an awful lot that can be learned about spanking from the internet. Just reading fetlife, or even spanking stories, can teach you most of the basics about how things tend to go. Watching videos can sometimes give you insights into some of the mysteries of things: for example, things that make the person getting spanked yell and twist more probably hurt more. Still, there’s stuff that seems to be common knowledge among some people that, six years into my adventure, I’m just picking up on. I decided to list some tips for new spankees. Feel free to add your own in the comments section! Note: I write using male pronouns for the Top and female for the bottom. This is because of the way that my mind is wired, and it just makes things easier (kind of the way they assign a gender to the Game Master and Player in Roleplaying game rulebooks so that they don’t have to keep saying “he or she.” I’m not a geek. Really.)

Getting Started:

1) Wait until you are 18 to start. I can’t stress this enough. When I was 17 and I first met the man who later became my first Top, the fact that he refused to spank me until I reached 18 seemed really stupid to me. It didn’t make sense to me why it was such a big deal. I saw myself as an adult and I felt that I was “ready” to participate in an adult activity. Now, I’m deeply appreciative that he waited until the next year for my first scene. In retrospect, it’s a sign of his integrity and trustworthiness, and it’s just the right thing to do, period. I sound like a Top when I say this, but laws exist for a reason. The age of majority may seem arbitrary, but it exists to protect minors and to make sure that no one is coerced into something dangerous. Respecting this law is respecting the very basis of the spanking community: that we engage in consensual adult spanking.

2) Communicate with your Top during a spanking. This is also incredibly important. Tops aren’t mind readers. Everyone reacts to a spanking differently. Some people twist and writhe around when everything is fine and dandy– just because in your mind, it seems obvious that you are in distress doesn’t mean that it seems that way. Generally, an attentive spanker will ask questions regarding the bottom’s condition during a scene until he knows her reactions well. That said, if you aren’t being asked for this information, volunteer it. Say “This is more than I’m comfortable with” or “I’m doing well” every now and then.

3) Come prepared to use safewords, even if you don’t believe you’ll need to. I have had a lot of talk about how I don’t use safewords and I prefer to communicate verbally (since I don’t participate in consensual non-consent, when I say “stop!” or “I don’t want to be getting spanked anymore!” or something, I actually mean that I want the scene to end) but I still have a system of individual safewords (it’s based on Pokemon) that I’ve used when playing with new partners in the past, and I’ve used (as in, actually called) the Universal Safeword of “Red!” once. Keep that in the back of your mind when you scene, just in case.

4) Remember that there are plenty of spankos out there! Nearly every time I hear stories about girls who stay with men who are abusive to them within the spanking scene, the girl expresses that she believed that he was “special” in the fact that he was willing to spank her, or that he told her that he was the only one who would really understand her or that he was the best in the scene or some other line that encouraged the spankee to feel dependent. Especially if you aren’t involved in the community, that can seem incredibly true. I spent my early life wondering if there was a single man in the world who would be willing to spank a girl, and if so, how I’d ever find him. The truth is, there a bunches and bunches of awesome Tops out there. You don’t have to stay with a jerkface.

5) Spankos, like all living things, grow and develop. When I first started getting spanked, I only wanted to be spanked for punitive reasons. I eventually began to enjoy a very rare fun or arbitrary spanking, but it was not until I ended my dynamic with my first Top that I realized the ways in which my desires and interests had started to change. It took me another year of playing around with different people, learning about the community and doing soul-searching before I realized that submission was something that I wanted to explore for myself. Be open to the ways that you might be changing and don’t box yourself in.

6) Talk to other people. Spankos are cool. We make great friends. Reaching out and talking to others makes for good socializing and fosters a feeling of belonging in the community. More importantly, it opens you up to new ideas and allows you to learn from people, gives you a chance to ask questions and seek guidance and can help you to accept yourself. Don’t be afraid to reach out. I personally waited far too long before I did.

Practical Tips: some of these things might seem way too obvious, but it’s stuff that either I didn’t know when I first started out and found surprising or I didn’t believe for a long time.

7) Getting hit on the thighs hurts a lot! Thigh swats may or may not lead to sudden butt death depending on who you ask, but they’re a fairly common practice in the spanking community. S_F used it as a threat for a long time: “If you don’t hold still, I’m going to spank your thighs.” I didn’t even get why that was a threat. I just thought that it meant that a greater amount of my body was going to get hit. Then one day, I didn’t hold still. And then I understood. It’s horrible! The lower you go, the worse it gets. Be warned!

8) Icing works after a spanking, but never before. I just finished learning this lesson a week or so ago. It isn’t an old wive’s tale: getting spanked when your bottom is cold or has been iced is hellish! Using ice after a spanking is soothing and wonderful, plus it prevents bruising, but for the love of all that’s sacred, don’t use it unless you are SURE that you are done getting spanked for a while. It’s at least twice as bad after icing.

9) Wet bottom spankings don’t just sound louder. That’s what I’d been told: the sound of the impact is increased on a wet bottom so it has the psychological effect of sounding louder and therefore seeming scarier. That’s true. It’s incorrect that that’s all there is to it. It hurts more. A lot.

10) Don’t let curiosity kill the cat. If someone seasoned tells you something is horrible, you should probably trust them. If you don’t know if something is going to be extreme or not, you should probably ask another bottom before you try it. One of my best friends told me that the first time that she tried capsaicin cream it was her idea because she read about it on the internet! She didn’t know how bad it was going to be (and neither did her spanker) and she ended up standing in front of a fan crying for a long time. While I’m giving advice, avoid capsaicin. You’ll end up in front of a fan crying. You don’t want that.

11) Just tell everyone you’re allergic to rubber. Trust me on that one. Neoprene? Hypoallergenic? No. You’re allergic to that, too.

The following is a piece entitled “Genetic vs. ‘Interest'” which was written by my friend, Thursday Knight, and posted on fetlife. It raised several points that are important to me and that I wanted to add my thoughts on.

The day I opened up my fetlife account was on my 18th birthday. Throughout the internet, various websites had a new user of “Thursday Knight”–all of them spanking related.


I am a spanko; ever since the age of three years old I’ve had the desire to be spanked. While holding true to most spankos who can relate, I had all the signs. Anything spanking related in books or TV was a rare obsessive delight (the clock in Disney’s Pinocchio, Benjamin Bunny, and countless other things), looking up the word “spanking” in the dictionary, getting the topic brought up among friends to find out if they had any personal stories, etc. etc. etc.


The thing is, I did not choose this condition. I did not choose to be sexually dysfunctional (and despite spanking being a very ‘mild’ sexual deviancy, it still is not ‘normal’). Yet…what astounds me is that people do choose it.


Now, for the sake of whoever may be reading this, this is not an attack. Or even judgement. I am simply pointing out that there are many people on this website who choose to get into “the lifestyle”.


From experience, I started typing in spanking searches into the internet when I was thirteen. Other people with sexual fetishes (note that a “fetish” is described as: a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc. [NOT] “it just turns me on”) I would assume would do likewise. They would want to connect, find out more people who think like they do.


But besides the casual “bedroom partners”, how do average people who want to “spice” up things, suddenly become “rope professionals” and “vampiric dominate daddys”? When they were growing up did they have a small interest and it grew? Or did they “decide” that this would be okay? What would possess someone to come up with the idea that people can come together and have parties where they’ll tie each other up and eat snacks?


I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it, I am purely wondering where someone would come up with the notion.


Is it human nature to deviate from the norm? Are human minds just naturally perverse and therefore susceptible to the malleability of something new? They hear about something from a friend or on TV and realize that sounds fun?


Or is something genetic at play? Are those “vanillas” who will never even think a website like this, and perfectly happy too, every know (what we feel) they are missing?


Pretend your partner and you had a ‘normal’ relationship with very little concept of what you do now with each other, would that relationship still work? Would you think he is a lazy ass? That she is a needy attention-hog?


If these feelings are genetic (or at least a genetic disposition, in that our brains are pre-disposed to this sort of thinking) would they serve the purpose of balancing out our mental stability?


What makes people with an “interest” want to “choose” to be different in this way?


One last thought: Could you truly live without your kinky-doings and be happy? If someone said “You can be painlessly euthanized or live without ever doing your fetish/kinky thing ever again.” Could you?


I, I could not.


Thursday’s post resonated with me for a couple of reasons. First, she brought up an issue which I’ve often wondered about: why would anyone choose this? I’m also not attacking and I’m not pointing fingers. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with choosing to join the lifestyle. I just don’t see why one would. In fact, when I first started attending munches and other kink events in Los Angeles, it didn’t occur to me that there would be people there who weren’t “born with it” the way that Thursday and I (and I’m sure many of you) were. In fact, I operated under the assumption that the people I met who were into bondage were as excited when they saw a damsel in distress tied to the train tracks in a cartoon as Thursday and I were when we saw that Benjamin Bunny getting thrashed with a switch for his naughtiness in the picture book. Now, there *are* people who are bondage fetishists. I know one person who was involved in doing self bondage from a very young age indeed and several who always thought about being immobilized or secured in various ways. But many of the people who I’ve met who are into bondage, or D/s, or general impact play simply were told about it, gave it a shot and found it interesting. It sort of baffles me. There are people who choose this. They became curious about deviant behavior and decided that it was somehow worthwhile for them to engage in. Were they equally predestined to enjoy their lifestyle activities and simply unaware that they existed? Is one actually able to control their identity so much as to select something like this and make it his or her own? And to what end? I’m open about the fact that my involvement in the spanking and BDSM communities enriches my life, but I can’t imagine that the lifestyle is inherently enriching. The growth, joy, development, relief et cetera that I gain from my activities seems to me to be based on fulfilling something which has always existed. It doesn’t naturally follow that a person who developed without those early desires would have the same, or even a slightly similar, response to being exposed to the stimuli that I find valuable.

Part of the reason why I’m slightly taken aback by this is because I’ve always seen my spankophilia (if it can be called that because it isn’t sexual) as, at worst, a deformity and, at best, some sort of social hindrance. I’m not ashamed of it anymore, but it has always been something which made my life more complicated. Like Thursday, I can’t imagine myself being happy if I couldn’t have spanking in my life. Given the choice, I’d sooner give up almost anything else. I’d go so far as to be prefer losing a couple of limbs over losing spanking. I don’t want to say that I NEED to be spanked, but it’s hard not to. At the very least, I need to have it in my life on some level. I don’t ever NEED a spanking in a particular moment, but I truly don’t know if I could have a satisfactory existence without it. Other kinksters who aren’t spankos but like spanking want to be spanked or to spank others. In many ways, we require it. Requiring something brings along a boatload of things to work through and accept, fears, insecurities, difficulties et cetera. It also places a high value on something that can be very hard to find– that is to say, a good spanking partner.

It’s a lot of interesting stuff to think about, and it’s territory that I don’t often cover for fear of being offensive and making too many waves. So: what do you think?


This is a quick graph that I made tonight. Such a true story, though!

I’ll get back to regular posts tomorrow: migraines are keeping me down.

It’s not a secret: I cry from spankings a lot. There are videos of me crying available from Spanking Court, Assume the Positions Studios, and Lily Starr Spanking. I talk about it here all the time, too, and I’ve posted about it on various fetlife threads from time to time. So it isn’t surprising that one of my friends sent me a message asking me for more insight into my ability to cry. This is the second time that I’ve been inspired to respond to a question in the form of a blog post, because my thoughts organized themselves so well that I figured that others might enjoy reading my insights as well.

There are several different ways in which a spanking can make me cry. I can break my crying during a spanking down into several categories:

*Crying fueled by regret for bad behavior.

This is one of the more common forms of crying from a spanking in general, and the psychology of it is very straight forward. This takes place during disciplinary spankings. In my opinion, if a spankee is in this mindset and that is not the intended atmosphere of the spanking, then something is wrong. Either the top has not communicated the intended purpose of the spanking effectively or the bottom is dwelling on previous or otherwise unaddressed bad behavior. This is the easiest way for me to cry during a spanking, although it is rarely ever particularly difficult.

The atmosphere of a disciplinary spanking keeps my mind focused on my wrong-doing and just how unenjoyable it is to be punished. This atmosphere makes me extremely vulnerable and therefore makes my experience of the spanking much more physically painful. For me, a spanking serves this purpose most effectively if it is delivered either very sternly or, in certain situations, harshly. What’s the difference? To me, a “stern” delivery is very calm and controlled, with some level of formality, but unbendingly serious. A “harsh” delivery involves some expression of annoyance (as opposed to just displeasure) and is a bit “gruffer”: there might be some raising of the voice or rougher shoving back into position. It’s the difference between “Bare your bottom and get in position” and “get your pants down and get over my lap RIGHT NOW!” The latter is generally more effective if the offense which has earned me the punishment is related to my attitude, just because it’s more jarring and it makes it much harder for me to keep feeling sorry for myself. 😛

Either way, the creation of this atmosphere makes me vulnerable and receptive, and it makes me most contrite and regretful, and therefore brings me to tears very quickly.

*Crying fueled by stress relief/emotional release.


This is the kind of crying that happens when I get that feeling that I just need a good spanking. This happens when I feel like I’ve been keeping things inside myself, or I’ve been struggling hard with something, or life has been wearing me down. These spankings have always been most effective for me i they begin with sternness until I reach the point where I’ve begun to cry and then the tone becomes more affectionate. Again, this is about being vulnerable: in this case, the spanking is effective because I allow myself not to fight against it (or, if I cannot do such a thing on my own, to break me down) and instead use it to push everything out. I originally imagined that a stress relief style spanking would be calm and soothing, but I discovered with experience that it works best for me when it’s merciless, hard and long. A good example of this sort of spanking can be found in the story told in the last couple of paragraphs of this post.

*Crying fueled by relief.

This is a different kind of relief than stress relief. It’s relief that a long anticipated spanking is finally happening. This sort of tears is generated by a spanking that is usually very connecting, reaffirmative and filled with caring. Alternatively, these tears can be part of the reason I cry during a long awaited punishment. The point is, I’m moved to tears by the feeling that I’m back where I belong and that I’ve obtained something that I’ve long desired, or that some sort of waiting period has ended. My first spanking was the ultimate example of this: I was overcome with the most extreme relief I’d ever felt, since the burden of waiting for my first spanking was finally lifted from me. These tears are very happy, and filled with satisfaction.

Photo by Assume the Position Studios

*Crying fueled by submission or surrender.

Some bottoms talk about subspace- going off into some floaty, magical, trance-like, trippy state from getting a very hard beating which pushes them towards submission. They sink into the bed, they stop feeling pain, they float on endorphines, they get high, they can’t talk properly…

This doesn’t happen for me (although it did once). I’m a very cerebral person, and I’m uncomfortable letting go of my awareness. Instead, when I’ve been pushed to a place where I cease my fighting, I get to a point of submissive crying. It’s a calm sort of sobbing where there’s no urgency in the sound. I’ve given myself over to the spanking that I’m receiving and I have no will regarding when it will end. It’s certainly not as exciting to talk about, or as filled with mystery and intrigue as traditionally described subspace is, but the land of my submission is just a place where I lie still and take a lot of hurt and cry about it. It probably sounds pretty pathetic to a listener, and it doesn’t feel “good” in a traditional sense, but it’s a very peaceful place where I feel incredibly safe and loved.

*Crying fueled by physical pain.


What’s that?! It’s kind of taboo in the spanking community to admit that crying happens because a spanking hurts, but for me, yeah, that happens. I know that the fact that it’s a safe environment where I’m engaging consensually in something that I love and that I’m allowing to make me vulnerable plays a part in it, but even with amazing atmosphere and the best, most loving connection between me and my Top (so, when Malignus is spanking me), I’m going to get to crying much more quickly from a hard paddling than from a hand spanking. It’s not like I cry because things hurt in my non-spanking life (except for the occasional migraine) so it’s clearly not all about the physical pain, but I won’t deny that a harder, faster paced, longer spanking (that is to say, one which hurts more) will be far, far more likely to bring me to tears.

I was browsing through my search terms when I saw one that really struck my eye: “Land girls spanked.”

“I think I have a lot of aquatic visitors,” I told Malignus. “They’re looking for something other than the boring mermaid spanking photos they’re used to.”

I’d imagine that my blog satisfied the searcher’s desires: I live on the land and am not a mermaid or other kind of aquatic being, and I get spanked with extreme frequency. It did, however, get me wondering. Do mermaid spanking photos exist? I’ve never seen such a thing or even thought about the idea! I was slightly taken aback that there was a spanking scenario that I hadn’t even considered. I discovered a couple of things when I got to work googling.

First, I found this cartoon, courtesy of the Chicago Spanking Review:


I like her shocked face when he bares her bottom. OH SNAP! You got pwnd! Additionally, the sailor looks extremely pleased with himself while spanking her in that last image. That seems very accurate to me. I don’t get to see my tops faces while they are spanking me, obviously, but I’d imagine that’s kind of what they look like. Unfortunately, I doubt the verisimilitude of successfully delivering a bare bottom spanking in a rowboat. Also of mermaids. But whatever.

Secondly, I found this photo via Dave Wolfe’s blog:

This time, it’s the mermaid who seems pleased with herself. Seeing dolls spanking each other made me pretty nostalgic: my ken dolls and my Aladdin doll were total spanko players and always had some barbie or similar sized doll over their laps. None of my girls ever got spanked by a sea monster, though. Nor have I, for that matter. Hmmmm. . . bucket list addition? 😛

Finally, I found this real life photo of Dallas of Dallasspankshard.com spanking a girl dressed as a mermaid:


I’m very fond of the way they made the tail. Pretty creative stuff.
Thanks for the inspiration, my dear aquatic searcher, and I hope you enjoy seeing this land girl get spanked. 😛

I don’t know if you guys have noticed this or not, but I get spanked a lot. I almost always get a spanking at bedtime, and more often than not, I find myself getting some sort of impromptu spanking in addition to that.

The other day, one of my friends asked me how I manage to keep my butt from falling off when I get spanked so damn much (and often, so damn hard). It’s a challenge, I will tell you! When I first moved in with Malignus and I was adapting to getting spanked so often, plus my skin was outraged at the change in climate and this “winter” thing that was happening, I had some problems with weird, hard, dried out skin on my bottom and thighs. Over the past couple of months, though, I’ve perfected my butt-skincare regime, which I will now share with all of you! I’ve written this in the form of instructions, but I certainly don’t think that I’m the shining beacon of right in the black night of wrongness. I’m very open to suggestion, or to being ignored entirely. 😛

Step 1: Lotion.

Lotion is a spanko bottom’s BFF. There are a lot of kinds of lotion available– there are special aftercare lotions offered by some places that sell implements and there are billions of types of lotion offered in stores. What should a spanko look for in a lotion? You probably want an unscented and uncolored lotion. Pretty, sparkly, nice smelling stuff tends to have things in it that cause irritation, and that’s contrary to the cause of making the skin on your butt nice. If you’re getting spanked, you already have enough butt irritation in your life. There are a couple of ingredients that are particularly good for the skin- Collagen Elastin is one and Vitamin E is another.

Personally, I use this: St. Ives Skin Renewing Lotion.


I do want to point out that products containing Collagen Elastin are generally very not vegan. I use this, because I am not a vegan and if my skin can be made better by slatering on stuff that came from some other skin, then I’m okay with that. 😀

I’ve also had great success with Vitamin E Body Butter from The Body Shop. This is actually vegan, for all you vegan spankos.


Now that you’ve selected an excellent lotion, you need to use it. I suggest using it every morning and night, after every time that you shower, take a bath or otherwise emerse yourself in water and every time you get a spanking. I try to keep up with doing it that often and it works out well for me. The point of lotion is to keep your skin healthy and moisturized, and to keep it both strong and soft. It makes your skin less likely to break during a spanking, because most people don’t want a bloody butt, and it also keeps the texture from feeling dry and gross.

Step 2: Baths

Most things that say that they are good for sunburns are also good post-spanking, jsyk!

I take warm baths in order to relax. I also find it to be very good for my skin: it makes all the dead skin soften up and makes exfoliation (coming up!) easier, and if your skin has become hard from a spanking, it helps it to soften in the deeper layers. I also use Colloidal Oatmeal in my baths. Pretty much everyone I’ve offered this to says that it’s lame, but it’s incredibly soothing. It makes your skin feel wonderfully soft, too. Most importantly, you know how if you eat a really spicy dish and your mouth hurts, drinking water will actually make it worse? You’re supposed to eat bread? My friend, Peachy, just told me that if you make a paste of Colloidal Oatmeal and rub it on your butt, it can help to neutralize the effects of capsaicin in the same way (if you are sad and unfortunate enough to have it put there by a sadist). I haven’t actually tested this myself, but the theory behind it is sound. The most common brand of Colloidal Oatmeal is Aveeno. That is what I use.

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT OATMEAL BATHS: be sure to clean out your tub after you drain all the water out, or else the residue from the oatmeal ends up looking like you got drunk and puked in your tub. You might want to keep this in mind if you ever want to do a prank that involves making it look like someone got drunk and puked in the tub, though. (I know how you brats are, with your pranking!)

Step 3: Exfoliation

Depending on how much of a callous you get on your butt, you might need to exfoliate a little or a lot. A little bit of exfoliation would be kind of scrubbing with a washcloth or a sponge in the shower. A medium amount involves actually using the brush side of a bath brush (WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?!) or a loofa (also in the shower.) Personally, because I fear getting a calloused butt and I get spanked ALL THE TIME, I’ve taken to using the gentler side of a foot-file while I’m in the bath. If it hurts, you’re being too rough (so, the opposite of the way things usually are). After you exfoliate, use moar lotion.

THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: DO NOT exfoliate just after a hard scene. DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT. Even a little. Don’t even rub a washcloth on your butt. You know what will happen? Your skin will all come off. That is what will happen. I may or may not have discovered that the hard way.

Afterthought: Arnica and bruise reduction

Most spankos seem to swear by arnica for healing bruises. Healing bruises is not part of skin care, but I am going to talk about it right now anyway, because it *is* part of butt care. Personally, there is only one time when I care about healing up my bruises, and that’s when I’m modeling. In my day to day life, I like to have a bruised bottom. It makes me happy. That said: the times that I’ve used arnica in its various forms, I have seen no measurable improvement in the healing time on my bruising. What DOES seem to work well is using ice immediately after a spanking (but not if you’re getting spanked more that night, ugh!) and massaging my butt a lot. Hand spankings count as a massage.

That’s all I’ve got. How do you do your butt-care? Do you have any tips or tricks that I left off? Let me know in the comments!

Oh, Hai!

Alex

Los Angeles, California, United States

First and foremost, I’m a girl who loves being spanked. It’s at the very center of my being. I’m also a professional spanking model, which means I get to do what I love for my job. I’m twenty six years old, and currently located in Los Angeles when I’m not traveling around on my adventures. My vanilla interests include poetry, film history, academia, Pokemon, indie music, baby animals, baking and cooking, collecting vintage clothes and lots of cuddling.

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